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About The Eugene City guard. (Eugene City, Or.) 1870-1899 | View Entire Issue (May 24, 1879)
A PERFECTLY, AWFULLY LOVELY BTOKY, BY X. S. B. There tu one a oerfrotly modern lrl, Wllh perfectly modem way, Who hi periectlon In everything That happened to meet her guze. Bach perfectly lovely things the aw, And nftrfentlv uwfnl. too. That none would have dared to doubt her word, So perfectly, perfectly true. The weather, h aald, In mmmer time, Waa mrrenllv. awfully warm: The winter wm perfrcl, too, when there came Home perfectly terrible nlorm. She went to a perfectly horrid ichool, In a perfectly horrid town; And the perfectly hateful teacher" there Did thing up perfectly brown. Her leuoni were perfeotly, fearfully long, But never were perfectly iald, And when ahe filled, an often "he did, Her face grew perlectly red. The church he attended li perfectly mag With a perfectly heavenly npire. And perfect crowd go there to hear A perfeotly ittinulng choir. The latent alyle I perfectly aweet The iHHt the perlet'teat out; The book ulie read are perfectly good. (Juil here we raise a duuut.) A ride the took waa perfectly grand, On a per'ectly gorgeou day. With perfectly uouby friend of her Who happened to pan that way. ' he perfectly elegant fall ihe'd aeen, When ou her way to the lake; nd the graphic dencrlpt!on ahe gave u all Waa aluiply a modern mlatake. The perfectly aplendld foam dashed up, In a perfectly killing alyle; And the perfectly terrible wave came dowu Iu a perfectly lovely pile, I might goon with thl 'perfectly'' poem And write to the end ol time, But fearing to wear your patience out Will bring to an end my rhyme. CMcuyo Saturday lltruld. Mrs. Maddux's Allowance. ' It's a shame ! " Raid Mrs. Mudilox. " So it is tnv dour," said Miss Owlet. ' But how to help oneself? " said Mm, Maddox. thoughtfully. 'That's the very question, dear," nod ded Miss Owlet. " Life is a problem ! " sighed Mrs. Mad dox. "Tliorc's no disputing Unit fart," said Miss Owlet. " He used to talk very differently before we were married," said Mrs. Maddox "Oh, men always do," nodded Miss Owlet. "At least," correcting horself, with the wintry semblance of a blush upon her withered cheek, " that's what J ve heard. Of course, when I vo never been engaged mvself Ahem!" lint Mrs. M.uidox talked on without paying any heed to her friend's simper ing milliners. " With all my wordly goods, I thee endow.' That's what he vowed and swore at the altar," she avered in an ex cited milliner, " And 1 haven't got any of 'em ; and every fifty cent pioco or ijtiartcrofa dollar that I venture to ask tor, I have to undergo a regular catechism about. And my Bilk dress has been turned half a dozen times ; anil I'm positively ashamed of that old beaver-cloth cloak of mine; and as for new gloves bless me! 1 always have to keep my hands under my shawl when 1 go anywhere, to hide their shabbiness." Miss Owlet sighed softly. " I fear, dear." said she. " Hint Mr. Mad doz is a Utile inclined to bo parsimoni ous." "iOh, it isn't that ! " said Mrs. Maddox, shaking her head. " It's because he has an idea that a man's wife has no rights, pecuniary or othorwiso. 1 wish X had nil income of my own. " You ought to have," said Miss Owlet. " I think the State Legislature might to take the mattur up,' said Mrs. Maddox. "I declare to goodness, if I could get enough ladies to sign it, I'd originate a memorial myself." " It wouldn't be of any use," said Miss Owlet, pursing np her lips. " Tho law in variably espouses tho cause of the strong est parly." " Jtutl think he ought lo let mo have an allowance," said Mrs. Maddox. "I'm sure I work hard enough for it. I'm cook, and housekeeper, and seamstress ; I do all tho washing and mending for him and his old mother, and tho two children by his first wife. I count tho linen that goes to the wash, and lock up the sugar, and the tea, and the nutmegs, and at that I'm grudged a dollar-bill to spend as I please! 1 declare I sometimes think I'll revolt!" " Wo unmarried ladies aro the best oil', after all," said Miss Owlet, grimly. And Mrs, Maddox shook Iter head, and said she didn't know but that her friend was right. Mr. Maddox camo home to tea, that night, In a perturbed franio of mind. "Here's a sad catastropho ! " said ho " Louisa Ann is deranged ! " (Now Louisa Ann was the wife of his only brother a hard-worked, Bickly littlo woman, who had oliicialed as drudgc-in chief, with neither rest nor recreation until she had literally dropped at he post) "Deranged?" echoed Mrs. Maddox nearly dropping the plate of in u Hi as which sue was placing upon the table. " 1 hey sent her to the asylum this morn ing," said by Maddox, sepulcbrally. "I don't wonder," said Mrs. Maddox "Why don't you wonder?" somewhat sharply demanded Mr. Maddox. "Anybody would go crazy that was worked like Ixiuisa Ann," said Mrs. Mad dox, gently repressing tho anxiety of her youngest step-child for more sugar on her slice of bread and butter. "Nonsense!" tartly rcstKinded Mr, Maddox. "A woman isn't created to sit with her hands folded, and do nothing. And 1-otiiRH Ann always was a feeble, in eflicient creature. But Thomas wauts us to engage a house-keeper for him." " A housekeewr? " "From the intelligence office, or the employment bureau, or some such place," explained sir. Maddox. " lou might step down, Clara, and pick out some reecta- bie-iooking person, and send tier to mv ollice to-morrow morning. It's not a light place, you know. I here s the throe child ren, and Louisa Ann aunt, and" " To-be-sure," said Mrs. Maddox, delug ing the tray with tea, in her abstraction " Yes, I'll see about it the first thing in the morning, my dear. And, aura enough, Mr. Maddox had scarcely opened his day-books and ledgers the next day, when the office lad an nounced " a lady to see him." " Ah," said Mr. Maddox, putting his pen behind his ear, "Clara has been remarably expeditious! It's the) housekeeper for brother Thomas. Tell her I'll be at the outer office directly." The lady was dressed in black, closely veiled, and, so far as Mr. Maddox could judge, waa rather agreeable than other wise. But what ha didn't like quite so well she spoke through her nose, in a de cided drawl, and avoided looking him full in the face. " But," thought Mr. Maddox, " we all have our little peculiarities." "So you would like a situation as housekeeper, ma'am ? " said he, politely. The lady bowed, and tapped her little box-toed boot nervously on the floor. ' Have you ever lived out before, in ahem! that capacity?" questioned Mr. Maddox. " I am in a situation now," answered the lady. "Indeed ! And may I make bold to ask why you aro leaving it?" " I am not satisfied with the remunera tion I receive." was the decided reply. "Indeed!" Mr. Maddox stroked his chin, and looked so reflectively inquiring that the lady added : "To tell you the truth, sir, I am expect ed to work for my board and clothes in mv present position and no one can live so!" "Oh, certainly not, certainly not!" said Mr. Maddox. " I don't blame you for de siring a change. As for your references" " I can furnish the vory best, sir !" "What can you do?" inquired Mr. Moddox, fitting the points of his ten lin gers together in a business-like sort of way. "Everything," said tho veiled candi date, succinctly. Mr. Maddox began to think thut his Clara had discovered a treasure. "That is well," said he. "Because, ma'am, I think you will find this rather an arduous position. My brother has three little children, and an old aunt, who naturally requires a great deal of atten tion. Of course he expects to keep one maid-of-all-work " "I should supposo so." interposed the lady. And I dare say," bowed Mr. Maddox,, that you will receive every considera-' lion." The veiled lady inclined her head. " Might I ask, sir," sho hesitated, " how much vou think I ought to receive in a place like that?" " Oh, twenty-rive dollars a month, at the very least," said Mr, Maddox, briskly. " My brother expects to render a reason able remuneration, and I am sure he will regard that as little enough, considering the wear and tear of such n place. And" lint be stopped short as tho lady lifted her heavily-embroidered voil, and pushed back the close black bonnet that hid her auburn braids, with a mischievous sparkle in her eyes, and merry dimples around her lips. Clara I be exclaimed, blankly. "Yes, Clara!" she retorted archlv. ''There's nothing like cettimr a business- like understanding of these littlo domes tic arrangements. And if your brother Tom's housekeeper is worth twenty-five dollars a month at tho very least, as I think yon remarked I certainly shall ex pect to receivo as much!" " I es ; but" "And I shall also engago a maid ser- ant at once." added Mis. Maddox. com posedly, "Or, if yoti object to this plan will advertise at onco for a situation as ousekeeper. Some position I am deter mined to have, in which I can earn at least enough money to clothe myself de cently!" Mr. Maddox wriggled about in Ihb scat like an electric eel. " Clara," uttered he, "this is the most extraordinary" " Is it not extraordinary." broke in Mrs- itiaddox, that a woman should bo ex pectcd to toil and slave, anil scrape and spare us I do, for her board and the plain est of all clothes ? Yes, very low, I quite agreo with you twenty-five dollars a month m too little. We'll call it thirty. And as fur Tom's housekeeper, we havo just received a telegram from him, stating that his maiden sister has consented to leave od' teaching, and assume tho chargo of his household until Louisa Ann gets better." " But, my dear" interpolated Mr. Mad dox. " You couldn't hiro any ono for less," said Mrs. Maddox. "But you are my wife?'1 " Is that any reason that I should be yourslavo?" retorted Mrs. Maddox" " No, my dear. We have looked at it in a fair, unprejudiced, business point of view, and we have derided that a man's wife should at least possess the same privileges as his housekeeper." And Mr. Maddox was compelled to ca pitulato. What else could ho do? "Clara should have been a lawyer," he said, confidentially to some of his friends. " I' pon my word sho bus an extraordinary legal mind ! " And that was how Mrs. Maddox camo into possession of tho monthly allowance which sho finds so convenient, and also of the neat little maid, who trips around tho house with a broom and duster ol a Monday morning. " If you can't manage a man in ono way, you must in another," she says. Anecdote of (hieen Victoria. Says a London journal; Tho Queen was not twenty years of ago when she as cended the throne. Coming into posses sion of power with a heat t fresh, tender and pure, and with all her instincts in clined to mercy, we may be sure that she found many things that tried her strength of resolution to the utmost. On a bright, beautiful morning the young (jtieen was waited upon at her palate, at indsor. bv the Duke of Wellington, who had brought from lxmdon various papers requiring iter signature to mako tuem operative. One ol them was a sentence of court-mar. tial pronounced against a soldier of the lino that sentence that he be shot dead. The tjueen looked upon tho paper, and then looked upon the wondrous beauties that nature had spread to her view. bat has this man done?" she asked. The Duke looked at the paper and repli ca: "An, my roval mistress, that man, I fear is incorrigible. He has deserted three times." "And can you not sav anvthim? in ins ocnaii. mv lordT" we inirtnii shook his head. "Oh! think aeain. I pray you !" Seeing that her Maiestv waa so ueepiy moved, and reeling sure she would not have the man shot in inv event, he finally confessed that the man was brave and gallant, and really a good aoldier. " But,1' he added, " think ofthe influence." "Influence!" the Queen cried, hei eyes flashing and her bosom heaving with strong emotion. " Let it be ours to wield influence. 1 will try mercy in this man's cane, and I charge you, your grace, to let nie kuow the result. A irood soldier, you aaid. Oh, I thank you for that. And you mar tell bin that vour good word saved him." Then ahe toA the paper and wrote, with a bold, firm hand, across the dark page, the bright aaving word " Pardoned ! " The Duke was fund ofteliinn the storr : and he waa willing also to confess th.it the irivimr of that paper to the pardoned soldier gave him far more joy than ha could have ex- (wrienced from the taking o.'a city. A bosom friend the baby, A Useful riant-bug the Cochineal. While the Cocci, or plant-bum. are in our country deservedly detested as a nui sance, destroying the beauty of many of our garuen piams uy meir ungating pres ence; while, in 1843, the Coccus of the orange trees proved so destructive in the Azores that the island oiiayal, wnich an nually exported 12,000 chests of fruit, lost its entire produce from this cause alone. two tropical members of the family, as if io make up tor wie mtsueeus oi their re lations, furnish us the one with a most splendid of all scarlet dyes, and the other with gum-lack, a substance of scarcely in ferior value. The gardener spares no trouble to pro tect his hot and greenhouse plants from the invasion of the (Joceu htxperidum; but the Mexican hacieiulcro purposely lays out his Nopal plantations that they may be preyed upon by the Coceiu cadi, and re joices when ho sees the leaves of his prickly pear thickly strewn with this val uable parasite. The female, who, from her form and habits, might not unaptly be called the tortoise of the insect world, is much lar ger than the winged male, and of a dark- brown color, with two light spots on the back, covered with a white powder. She uses her littlo legs only during her first youth, but soon sho sucks herself fast, and henceforward remains immovably at tached to the spot she has chosen, while her mato continues to lead a wandering lifo. While thus fixed like an oyster, she sweus or grows w such a size that she looks more like a seed or berry than an insect; anu tier legs, antennie and pro boscis, concealed bv the expanding bodv can scarcely bo distinguished by the naked eye. Great care is taken to kill the insects before the young escape from the eggs, as they havo then the greatest weight, and are most impregnated with coloring matter. They are detached by a blunt kmfu dipped in boiling water to kill them, and then dried in the sun, when they have the appearance of small, dry, shriveled berries, ol a deep-brown pur ple or mulberry color, with a white mat ter between the wrinkles. The collecting uiaes piace inreo times a year in the plantations, where the insect, improved by human care, is nearly twice as large as ll. II I ' uie wnu coccus, w hich m -uexico is gam 3red six times in the same period. Although tho collecting of the cochi neal is exceedingly tedious about 70,000 insects going to a single pound yet. con sidering tho high price of the article, its rearing would be very lucrative, if both tho insect and the plant it feeds upon were not liable to the ravages of many diseases, and the attacks of numerous enemies. Tho conquest of Mexico by Cortez first made tho Spaniards acquainted with cochineal. They soon learned to value it as one of the most important products of their new empire; and in order to secure its monopoly, prohibited, under pain of death, the exportation of the insect, and of the equally indigenous Nopal, or VttcUu eovhindlifer. In tho year 1077, however, Thierry do Meronville, a Frenchman, uiado an effort to deprive them of the ex clusive possession of the treasure they guarded with such jealous care. Under a thousand dangers, and by means of lavish bribery, he succeeded in transporting some oi the plains, along with tnuir yctsol parasite, to the French colony of San Domingo; but, unfortunately, his perse verance did not lead to any favorable re sults, and more than a century elapsed after this first ineffectual attempt before the rearing of cochineal extended beyond its original limits. In the year 1817, M. Berthelot, director ofthe botanical garden at Orotava, intro duced it into tho Canary Islands, where it thrives admirably upon the Opuutia jicu imlkv; so that in 1838 the exporta tion amounted to 18,000 pounds, and lias sinco then been continually increasing. Cochineal is now reared near Valencia, Cadiz and Malaga, and in Algeria; in various parts of the West Indies and the United State9 cf Columbia; in Brazil, Fast Indies and Java; and though Mex ico still continues to furnish it in tho greatest abundance, yet in point of quality it is distanced by its voutli rival, Tene ritTo. In the year 1850 moro than 800,000 pounds of cochineal were imported into France, of which the Canary Islands alone furnished nearly one-half a proof, among others, how much tho wealth of a country may be increased by the intro duction of a new article of commerce. Milk, Butter and Cheese. to Couscieulliitis Witness. Oil City Derrick Tho interest m tho Talmago trial in creases faster than interest on a bank note. In fact, it is expected that tho in terest will bo compounded at hist, or that tho trial will. Our Now York reporter is busy taking down tho notes ofthe testi mony, and his first pago presents the fol lowing appearance: Mr. Millard to Mr. Bright (showing wit ness a paper) " Who wrote that edito rial ?" "What editorial?" " That one my linger is on." "Which linger?" "This finger." "This finger on this editorial ? " " es." " What about it?" "Who wrote it?" "The finger?" " No, the editorial." "What editorial?" "This editorial in this paper, which I hold up before yon, which is headed ' Col umbine and Harlequin,' on which I now ploce this thumb." " You want to know who wrote it?'' " Yes." "Why?" It is or interest in this case. "What case?" "Talmagc'scase." "Do you know who wrote that edito rial?" excitedly. "What editorial?" " The one just showed yon." "The one in that paper?" " Yes." "The one you put vour linger ou Crat. and then put your thumb ou it?' " You want to know who wrote it ? " " Yes." Witness reluctantly replied. "!I don't know." In Fatterson, the other day. as a (ler- man farmer was driving np to a railroad crossing, the flagman warned him that the train waa coining. " I giiem I Ixmt dat train, or else I see Rome fun," an swered the granger, and drove on. Two frightened horse, a load of prain sowed broad -cast over the neighborhood, a pile of kindling-wood with a wheel tire or two mixed in, and a German sitting in a liU-h were awn ationt a minute later. He had not beaten the train, but he had seen some fun. So rapid has been its development and silent its progress that few are familiar with its extern or realize us magnnuue. though as articles of food, butter and cheese each command more attention than any other. It is a matter of surprise to what magnitude the dairying interest has grown in the United States. The pro duction of butter and cheese as specialties began in New York scarcely thirty years l... ; .1.. 1 1 : : BgOf out n is now one oi me ieauiii in dustries of the Commonwealth. In Penn svlvania the best counties are devoted dairying; the northern part of Ohio makes it a specialty ; several counties of Michigan, all or northern Illinois, the best sections of Wisconsin, and portions of Iowa, give almost exclusive attention to making butter and cheese. Colorado has established several cheese factories, and California from within ten years has changed from an importing to an export mg state in these articles, iiueen years ago, tnicago merchants obtained their supplies from the East; while t the present time one bun dred millions of pounds pass through that city lor New lork annually Canada within a brief period has become our competitor in the English markets, to the extent of 80,000,000 pounds yearly; while she formerly bought of us. With the exception of the States mentioned and a few counties in Vermont and New Jersey, the remainder of the United States buy more than they produce. The entire South is supplied from the North The value of the land and cows in the United States employed in furnishing milk, butter and cheese is not less than $1,800,000,000. The production of cheese is estimated at 350,000,000 pounds per annum, and of butter about l,o00,000,000, of tho former 130,000,000 pounds will be exported this year, and about zo.uou.UUU or the latter, the value ofthe two is about $350,000,000 or $00,000,000 more than the wheat crop of the country; three times more than the oat crop; four times more than the po tato crop; one seventh more than the hay crop; one third more than the cotton, ami but one-fifth less than the corn crop. The number of cows in the United States is over 13,000,000; which is six times the number iu Great Britain, over twice the number in France, two and a half limes more than in Prussia, and more than in the countries of England, Ireland, Scotland, Wales, Denmark, Norway, Swe den, Kiissia, i inland, Austria, Hungary and Switzerland combined; although these countries together contain four times tiie population of the United States. The proportion of cows to the inhabitants here is twenty-nine to each one hundred persons. The industry Is one which has not only grown to enormous proportions, but is rapidly increasing and has an al most unlimited field for future expansion. Take Iowa for instance. The export of butter and cheese is yet in its infancy There is a wealth in the future dairy interests of Iowa that will out rival all the gold and silver mines o California or any of the Territories, There is another view of this question that is interesting from a national stand point. The butter and cheese products are contributing as much as any other product toward building up an export trade. American butter and cheese are finding ready salo in European markets, It is a trado that is destined to rapidly in crease, and will help swell the balance of trado in ravor ot tins country. H i: stated that tho butter and cheese export ed this year have paid over over $1,000,- 0(H) Ireight charges tor ocean transporta tion. At that rate the bu ter and cheese products of this country will soon pay enough freight charges to support an American lino of steamers. These articles pay to the railroad companies over $5,000,01X1 annually for transportation, and the article ot milk pays as much more. Loaded on railway cars, ten tons to each car. the butter anil cheese produced in the United States in one year would fill twenty-two thousand cars, and make a compact lino one hun dred and thirty-five miles long. Tho foregoing interesting facts we glean from an address by Mr. J. II. Beall, prepared at the suggestion of Gov. Seymour and members of the committee, and intended to draw attention to the approaching in ternational dairy fair and tho important interests which it will represent. Fish Culture. Missouri has succeeded in the attempt to get a law Tor the creation of a hsti commission, and the appropriation of a sum of money to establish a hatchery (or fish propagation. Her Legislature had be fore been importuned to give some atten tion to fish culture, as has been given in all the other States where tho conditions are favorable for the business, but it has only recently awakened to the importance of tho enterprise. There are numbers of streams in Missouri suited for increasing the supply of footl fishes, ami there can be no more propriety in permitting the waters of these streams to flow proiitlessly in this respect to the sea than there would bo iu neglecting the cultivation of arable lands eligibly situated for productive pur poses. California and Oregon offer their salmon in exchange for the varieties of the tinny tribe which heretofore have been strangers to the Paeiliecoast streams. In this respect California has a great deal to gain. With the exception ofthe trout, she has no fishes in her fresh-water streams that are acceptable for the table, and the Bay is becoming so rapidly depicted of its acaly denizens, that there is every rea son to desire such a barter us will brinj. us iu excuange ior our salmon .some dozen or more varieties of lih from Noithern waters, which experiment has shown will flourish here, and in time make our supply ull that could be desired. Missouri is a little late in venturing upon fish culture, w hich has found great f.ivor eisewnere. Feasted With Fan. A recent libel suit in moscow, in which city the author of a quarto volume was subjected to a mosi ignominious jjumnu ment, very forcibly reminds one of the inestimable blessings enjoyed in a country In which the freedom of the press is a guaranteed and established right. The facts in tho case referred to are as follows: In the above-named city, a goodly-sized book was published in vindication of the rights ofthe subject. The work contain ing sarcasms aimed at tho venality of the officials, with many satirical and humor ous allusions to bribe-taking and other in iquities. Even the Czar himself was handled without cloves, his acts were fear lessly denounced and a powerful argu ment was adduced in behalf of the rights of his subjects. The administration of law was set forth in strong, plain lan guage. The book attracted general notice, but this was bad for the author. He was urrested and thrown inro drison. After a short and summary trial his production was pronounced a libel, and he was con demned lo "eat his own words" or sutler the punishment of the knout. This terrible instrument of torture is in the shape of a long whip or scourge, and is composed of many toughthongs ol thick, hard skin plaited together and inter woven with strands of stout wire. The criminal is stripped, and is firmly bound to two stakes, which are sufficiently wide apart to admit the free motion of the head. The blows are laid upon the bare back, every stroke cutting like knife, and soon the victim of the scourge is a shapeless mass of blood and flesh. Ono hundred blows are equal to a death sen tence. This was the alternative of the unhappy author. The day fixed for carry ing the sentence of the court ibto execu tion arrived. A platform was erected iu one or the public squares or the city. Bound hand and foot, tho victim of des potic power was seated in the center, of the platform. An immense concourse of people had gathered to witness the strange spectacle. The Imperial Provost, the magistrate, the physician and the surgeon of the Czar were in attendance. The ob noxious book hud been separated from its binding, and as an act of grace the mar gin had been cut off. The leaves were then rolled up, not unlike cigar-lighters. And there they were a basketful. Now the meal began. Amid roars of laughter from the ignorant and degraded populace. The Prevost served the author leaf by eafwith his own production, nutting the rolls of paper one by one into his mouth, fie slowly chewed and swallowed one- third of his book, when the medical gen tleman concluded he had received into is stomach as much of tho innutritions material as wasj compatible with (safety. He was then reconducted to his cell to igest his meal. The two following davs the same scene was enacted, until every leaf was swallowed, and, ns a matter of lact, he was compelled to literally eat his own words and fens; on his own fun. ex- Oriental redcstrlaiiixiu, Lazy as we are wont to consider the Ori entals, many of the " matches against time" achieved by them may bear com parison with the best of those now pend ing among ourselves. An Arab donkey boy will go at a run all the way from Cairo to tho Pyramids and back again, without any visible signs of fatigue. A niMi uispateii nearer will scamper through miles of jungle in the dark, shaking a bunch of metal rings to scaro away the tiger and hyena. Four meagre Hindoos, who appear barely able to carry a hand bag, will take a heavy pal anquin, containing an officer and all his belongings, over the ground at a -smart trot for hours together. Even more mar velous aro the achievements of the Per sian Shatirs (professional couriers), who, trained from their very childhood to feats of strength and activity, daily accomplish distance bordering upon the incredible. Not manv years ngo one of these men reached Terheran fully two hours before ins nppoinieu lime, Having covered an immense tract of very difficult country in fourteen hours of almost incessant run ning ; but his chief, so far from praising him, simply remarked: " Could vou not have done it in twelve? " and on his re turn journey the indomitable man actu ally did so. The occupation is a danger our one, not only from the extraordinary exertions which it demands, but also from the fact of the runners being so tightlv girded that a fall oreven a stumble would be certain death. Persian chroniclers re late that a certain native prince once promised his daughter to anv man who would keep up with his chariot all the way from Teheran to Ispahan. A cele brated shatir undertook tho task, and held his own till the gate of Ispahan was in full view, when the shall alarmed at the prospect of having to make good his rasn liromise. let tall his whin. The runner, knowing it would cost him his lifo to stoop, contrived to pick it up with ns feet, ihe treacherous monarch then ilropped his ring, when the shatir. seeing that his fate was sealed, exchunied re proachfully: "Oh! king, you have broken your faith, but I am true to mine! picked np the ring; and fell dead on the spot. 8ome Samples ef HewEng-laoa Wit ,, llamor. ' I Arthur Oilman' recent Lecturs.l On the morning after the first delivery of this lecture in a Massachusetts tow7 the driver who was taking me to the sh7 tion said to me : "That was pretty tdkT ab egood, what you gave 'em up to the ha 1 hist night. I hav'nt seen nobody that didn't like it, but Old Deacon Fry and he never likes nothing. He aid it might lie well enough for light-minded kind of folks, but he thought there was parts ,! it was dreadful shallow." 1 11 Tho principle of mirth is not a deon one, but it is as innate in the mind as m,v other original faculty we possess. More sayings and incidents provocative of tnle mirth can be found nowhere than in our Northern States, on allsubiect. Wo ,.,. apt to find only what we look for an.l urn jjeciiuur wu own has to be plained to people in good set terms. Frequently the speaker ha, no adenimfn conception of the force of his own re marks. "I'm kept so busy with this big estate mv brother left me," said a sharp Jankee lawyer, "I declure sometimes T it most wish John hadn't died." t lApmber having read, in a letter from a tourist in our Northwestern States, a des cription of the difficulty of shooting the rapits of one of our Northern rivers, and the slow process of poling up stream again. Two of tho settlers undertook to dispense with the usual boatmen ; the boat w as upset, and tho two adventurers were swept rapidly down the river. A tall, gaunt shopkeeper ran down the pier, crying, "Save the read-headed one! For heaven's sake save that man with the red head!" This started the people to work, and they saved him The tall, gaunt man waited to see that lifo was not finite extinct, nn.l tiu. turned away with the remark, "I wouldn't have had that man drowned for consid'ablo. He owes me " v there's something in that," said one of the bystanders. " I expect a man don't know how valuable he is in this world till he owes somebody some money. Then folks wants to k'now where he's goiu'." A stage-driver in the White Mountains, when asked what he thought of the Notch, replied: "Well, I was born around here, you know, ami I don't mind it so much. But if I should go down to New York, I reckon likely I'd gawk around considerable myself." A dozen years ago there used to come a rusty old dealer in farm produce to Boston. One Saturday night, having sold everything but a ki'g of apple-sauce, he exchanged this in a tailor's shop for an overcoat, which the tailor told him fitted him perfectly. Next morning, on 41. 4 ,'... 1... . .-i ll 1 f-i mi- uin'uiij-uuiinc nuqis, nil HIS Il'ieilUS began to disparage his purchase. " Why, it's all puckered np behind; it don't touch you nowhere." " Well," said the fanner, " I couldn't see it behind when I bought it, but I took his word for it; he seemed to be a nice sort of a man. But I guess I ain't got much the worst of this trade, after all. I guess when he comes to eat well down into that air keg of apple-sass, well down toward the middle, I guess he'll find it just about as puekery as the coat is." During the existeneo of the Dorr rebel lion in Bhode Island, the leader of the insurgents drew np his men on the sum mit of a hill near Providence. Pointing to the advancing troops, he said: " Yon der, my men, come tho enemy, the aris tocrats who would rob you of your suffrages. Fight 'em to the last gasp, and, if you have to retreat, do it with your face to the foe, selling your lives dearly at every step you take, and (as the troops came nearer) as I am a little lame I guess I'll start now. " A small boy was hoeing corn in a ster ile field by the roadside, when a passer by stopped and said: " 'Pears to me your corn is rather small. " " Certainly. " said the boy, " it's dwarf corn. " " lint it looks yellow. " " Certainly. " replied the boy, " we planted the jailer kind." "But it looks as if you wouldn't get more than half a crop. " " Of course not, " suid the boy, " we planted her on shares. " The Judge's Joke. ASi ulllltat Would not Starve. An Egyptian desert snail was received at the British Museum on March 2o, lS4ri. The animal was not know n to 1 alive, as it had withdrawn into the shell, and the specimen was accordingly gniumed, month downward, on the table", duly laliel.-d and dated, and left to its fate. Instead of sUrvinr , this contented gaHterojHxl simply went to sleep in a qniet way, and never woke np again for fonr rears. The tablet was then placed in tepid water and the shell loosened, when Uie dormant snail snddonlr re suscitated himself, Wgan walking almnt the basin, and finally sat for his ortrait, which may be sen of life size in Mr. Woodwards " Manual of the Monnsoa. " Now, during those four Tears the snail had never eaten a monthnl of ur food. yet he was quite as w ell and flonrihing at the end of the period as he bad leen at the beginning. Trade and Business otes. The total amount of salt marketed in tho United States during the year 187S was T.CCiOoti barrels, ot which 3.075.233 barrels were imported ; 1,S.V,8S4 barrels were made in the Saginaw district, Mich.; 1,413,231) barrels were produced in the Syracuse district. New York: 8."0.000 barrels in Ohio and Virginia and 430,000 barrels at other points, lhe domestic manufacture of salt is increasinc from year to year, and the consumption of salt is undergoing a corresponding decrease. "The recent large and continuous im portations of American fresh meat and provisions into the north of England," says tho London Timet, "are producing quite a revolution in the trade of the butchers in towns such as Newcastle-on-Tyne, Gateshead, Shields and Sunder land, especially those supplying the work ing classes. American fresh meet of real ly excellent quality is sold in shops which have been opened by companies at eight pence per pound for'best roasting pieces, and from seven pence to five peuce per pound for other qualities. They have opened large sales, and in manv in stances the opening of these shops has had the effect of bringing down the the prices of English beef two cents per pound. A large quantity of American bacon and hams is sold at retail in the northern towna. The price from eight pence to fonr pence per DonmL A verr excellent quality of American bacon is old among the working classes at five pence per pound in pieces." In the sprine the thoughts of the Tonne turn to lore, and of the old to setting hens. On a very cold day two me:: were driv ing along a narrow road, in opposite di rections, and one or the other would be compelled to turn out. This would not be an easy job, for tho snow was nearly two feet deep on either side of the road ; so they drove close to each other before they stopped. One of them drove a light sleigh, while the other had two horses hitched to a heavy load of lumber, and it was but natural for the driver of the heavy team to suppose the other would give the road. But this, he who drove the sleigh did not intend to do. He was a witty man, and, ns he filled the position of judge, he was held in awe by most of the people near where he lived. "Turn out !" exclaimed the judge, as soon as the teams had come to a stand still. "I won't do it," answered the other, stoutly. "You had better," replied the judge ; "if you don't, I'll very soon show you what I'll do." The man eyed the judge keenly for 8 short time, and then, fearing that the man of law might go to extremes, he got off his sled and commenced tramping snow so that he could get his team out of the rood. The judge sat quietly iu his sleigh and watched the teamster at his laborious task, which lasted half an hour. At last it was accomplished, and the two tjuus were ready to resume their respective jonrnevs. "Now," said the teamster, addressing the judge, "I would like to know w hat yon would have done if I had not turned out?" "Why," answered the judge, with a dry smile, "if yon had not turned out, I would." mll Change. We were bridesmaids at a fuaeral a few evenings since, and everything vent merry nntil the minister, who had just returned from church, mistook our coat for his own and hunted through the pocket for his Bible. He fished np a pack of cards, a paper of fine cut. and a flask which some evil disposed per had placed there. We looked at the groom, shook our head deprecating!?, and told him that he shonldn t have worn that coat at snch a time. All eyes were focussed on him, and he tamed a red as a danger signal. We didn't get a smell of the wedding cake.