The Corvallis gazette. (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, January 29, 1897, Image 4

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There was a man in our town who thought
himself wondrous wise.
Said he, "What costly trumperies the av
erage husband buys!
Now I'll cut out all the 'Household Hints'
and give them to my wife,
And shell furnish the house on nothing
at all, you better bet your life!"
So he bought some ancient newpaper files,
and his wife got on her knees
'And began to manufacture things with
elegance and ease.
She gathered a lot of barrel staves and
made a window seat;
She thought of a new canary cage and a
hoopskirt was her meat;
She painted old shoes with liquid gilt and
hung them over the wall;
She covered a keg with turkey red for a
hatrack in the hall;
She made some beautiful picture frames
of her husband's cast-off socks,
And built a table and sideboard out of an
empty dry goods box.
She hung the coal scuttle over the door
('twas lovely, so she said);
She turned a hideous hen house into a
handy folding bed;
She cut new mantel draperies out of old
plaid underskirts;
She made some parlor lambrequins of her
husband's flannel shirts;
She planted a palm in his old silk hat and
tied up his cane with bows,
And what she didn't finally do, the Lord
He only knows!
The husband puned and pined away and
sickly grew his soul,
As he saw her making a standing lamp of
a pitcher and curtain pole.
And his step grew slow and his cheek
grew wan as she hammered away
1 with force,
A-making a fancy Japanese screen of a
rickety old clothes horse.
One day she began on a chandelier, and
then he went outside
And swallowed poison, cut his throat and
shot himself and died.
New York Press. I -;
I On the heights of Portland the De
cember mists, still undispensed by sun
rise, hung thick, obliterating all traces
of the prison buildings from the roads,
,where several ships of the Channel
Squadron lay at anchor, and also from
the straggling row of houses at the
base of the northwest slope. In the
orison Itself there was no light as yet
save in the corridors, up and down
.which the ever-alert warders paced
monotonously to and fro. In most of
the cells the prisoners slept, tired out
.with the previous day's hewing of stone
and uncongenial tasks; but in one the
occupant, a man of 35, good-looking in
epite of prison garb, close-cropped hair,
and the ravages of toil and despair, lay
on bis bed awake.
A little more than ten years ago he
had stood in the dock of a West of Eng
land city listening to a judge with a
bard voice, though with kindly eyes,
pronouncing sentence of. fifteen years'
penal servitude. All that an eloquent
counsel could do had been done for
idm, but to no avail. The evidence
seemed conclusively damnatory, and
the foreman of the jury, after an ab
sence of half an hour, answered
"Guilty" to the usual question, with a
ring of conviction In his voice. The
Judge's words to Thomas Harborde fell
on deaf ears. He stood stupidly gazing
at a young girl sitting at the back of the
court in .the company of a sweet-faced
old lady, as though he saw nothing. At
last a warder touched him on the shoul
der, and the same instant a piteous
cry of "O, Tom! Tom! They're going
to take you away from me!" rang out
In the court, over which the dusk of
late afternoon was creeping, gradually
blotting out the features of those who
eat at all In shadow. The prisoner
turned round as though about to say
something to the Judge on the bench,
land then, led by the warder, he van
jtohed down the dock stairs to the cells,
o be known no longer as Thomas Har
borde, but by various numbers; at Port
land Convict Prison as "No. 27."
' The sense of Innocence brought him
contrary to all preconceived notions of
fwriters of fiction no meed of satisfac
tion; it merely filled him with desper
ate wrath and blackest despair. In the
early period of his solitary confinement
lie found himself confronted day in and
'day out with the crushing sense of the
legions of hours, minutes, and seconds
before he could hope to be a free man
if ever he were to be one again. By
good conduct against the very thought
of which he at first rebelled, refusing to
"accept any boon at the hands of fate
might reduce these years to two-
(thirds, maybe. What then? Millions
of seconds, each one to him, a prisoner,
in appreciable part of life; hundreds of
thousands of leaden-footed minutes,
each one filled with poignant despair,
must pass ere the time of release drew
near. At work, under the scorching
un or In the keen air of winter, in the
ouarries It was all the same. These
(hours and minutes became embodied in
ithe person of the wardens and fellow
iprlsoners, in the presence of his chains,
(From a possibly dangerous man he be
icame almost an Inanimate machine, a
mere cogwheel In the round of daily
toil and poison discipline. At first he
attacked the stone as though he were
. 'revenging his wrongs upon human flesh
and blood, at last he tooled it with the
unthinking regularity of an automaton.
It takes a year or two to trample. the
human element out of a man of Har-
' borde's type; but the effect of stone
walls, silence, and brutalized compan
ions, if slow, is none the less sure. Only
In his case he became an automaton in
stead of an animal.
Through the long December night,
while the mist enshrouded Portland
and restricted the range of the lights at
the Bill to half a mile or less, and whilst
the sirens sounded from the light-house
gallery almost continuously, answered
faintly by others from vessels far out
to sea, or booming harshly from others
near at hand, Harborde lay awake reck
oning the weeks, days, hours, and min
utes which comprise the remaining two
years of his term. He had but just
dropped off Into a half-sleeping condi
tion when his cell door opened, and in
stead of the hard face of the warder
come to tell him to tidy up he saw the
Governor and chaplain, with the ward
er in the background.
. What could it mean? He sprang up,
rubbing his eyes, and almost before he
knew what was happening the Gover
nor had told him in a few words that
he had received the Queen's pardon,
and then proceeded to read the same.
What did it all mean? No other thought
germinated In his dull brain. Free!
Free to go where he willed! Free to
walk out of the gaol gates. " Never to
return within the stone walls which
had shut him in from the outside world,
as surely as though no world other
ithan that contained within them exist
ed. The prison bell clanged, startling
him Into a state of wakefulness. The
Governor bad finished 'reading the of-
flcial-looking paper, anfl with the coc-
elusion of the formal part of his duty he
added a few words of congratulation.
Harborde seemed to have no compre
hension of their meaning. ' He remain
ed 6tand'ig in the center of the narrow
cell speechless. At last the chaplain
made him understand the import of the
document which had just been read
over to him. '
"Free! Free! It is Impossible," he ex
claimed, and then he threw himself on
the bed in an agony of joy. The clang
ing of the bell afresh, the slamming of
doors, the echoing of footsteps down
the resounding corridors recalled him
to a sense of his position. A warder
entered with a suit of clothes. With
trembling fingers .he removed his prison
garb; worn, soiled with weather and
labor, and intolerable. The trousers
felt chilly after the thick prison tight
fittingknickerbockers, and rough, thick,
worsted stockings. The coat seemed to
fit him nowhere. With one look around
his cell, on the walls of which he had
done innumerable calculations to keep
himself from insanity bred by the ter
rible silence and sense of loneliness, "No.
27," now no longer a mere figure, a ma
chine, but a human being, stepped into
the corridor.
There was a breakfast for him such
as he had not tasted for nine long years,
but he had no appetite. The one Idea
now possessing his mind was home,
escape whilst the Governor was willing
for him to depart. He swallowed a
few mouthfuls, drank a few gulps of
cocoa, and then with the allowance
money in his pocket hurried to the gate
way. He was free. Free to go wherever he
liked. Free to start for home as fast
as steam would carry him. Free to
stretch out his arms to the placid gray
blue waters of Western Bay, now de
nuded of their mantle of fog and spark
ling in the sunshine. Free to breathe
the pure air uncontaminated by com
panions criminal and vicious. But the
waters, the hillside, the lovely 6tretch
of verdant country" extended before his
eyes had no charm for him save that
they spelt freedom. Behind him lay
the prison house, the flagstaff, from
which no ensign of dread fluttered to
tell of his escape. Before him lay free
dom. He rushed down the road, waving his
arms with the reawakened Instincts of
a boy escaping from school, oblivious
alike of the sympathetic gaze of wo
men he passed and the half contemptu
ous remarks of the men. He. dashed
into the bleak, shabby little railway
station, only to learn .that there was no
train for an hour. Already his limbs,
unused to such riotous movement, and
still feeling the lag of the chain, had
begun to fail him, making the half
jocular suggestion of the solitary por
ter that he should "take a little exer
cise and walk to Weymouth" out of the
"I'll have to wait," was all he could
think of to say.
"Doin' time ain't altogether exhilar
atin' nor strengthenin' work," the por
ter remarked-
Harborde nodded his head, yet longed
to tell him that he was an Innocent
man. The porter, however, had van
ished, to return in a few moments with
a paper.
"Here; mate," he exclaimed with
rough kindness. "You won't know all
yesterday's news, I'll go bait"
Harborde seized .the paper. , No, "he
knew nothing of yesterday's news, nor
that of thousands of days which had
once been yesterday. He could see
nothing at first. The print swam in a
confused jumble before his eyes. When
his sight cleared he commenced to read.
How strange It all was! He used to be
a great reader before he became "No.
27." And now he seemed to know noth
ing of the world. New names confront
ed him everywhere. Names of those
in authority, names of towns, names
even of countries. Where was Mashona
land and Matabeland? He was con
fused. He read on. This delicious new
found turmoil of the world, how good it
was after alL
At last his eye caught a small para
graph stowed away at the bottom of
the third column on page six of the
paper. He read It and reread It over
and fver again: "Her Majesty the
Queen has been' graciously pleased to
pardon Thomas Harborde, who was
convicted of forgery at the Westches
ter assizes some ten years ago and is
now completing his sentence of fifteen
years' penal servitude at Portland.
Harborde will be released this morn
ing. The step has' been taken In conse
quence of the dying confession of a man
at Bristol." . Nothing more! Now he
knew why he had been released. And
so death had taken Edward Tilwell
out of the hands of Justice. It was
hardly fair of death. -
The porter came up whistling to tell
him the train would start In ten min
utes. He got up, thrust the paper Into
the man's hands, pointing to the para
graph. ...
"That's me."
"You Thomas Harborde?" exclaimed
the man. "Then all I've got to say It's
a hanged shame the Queen didn't send
a coach-and-six for you. Let's have
your hand, man, to wish you good luck.
Got a missis? No? So much the bet
ter; poor soul, If you had It would have
cut her up terrible."
"No," said Harborde, as though speak
ing to himself, "I was to have been
married; but that's years ago now, and
I'm an old man."
"Old!" Interjected the porter, "you're
no more than five-and-thirty, I'll go
bail. You do look older, to be sure. But
wait till you've been out a bit,. you'll
soon rub off them lines and look a bit
more uppish."
The engine at the end of a short train
of carriages relegated to the Portland
line after becoming too thoroughly out
of date for even the Somerset and Dor
set local service between Weymouth
and Dorchester, gave a thin, wintry
squeak, and Harborde, in a fever of ap
prehension lest It should start without
him, tumbled into the first carriage
that came handy, ticketless.
The porter came to tne door. "You've
got no ticket. Here, give me a shilling,
and I'll get It for you. Book to Wey
mouth?" "Yes," said Harborde, fumbling in
his pocket for the money.
""Vato -nn '1-0 nil rltrlir " rlia n.rt ot i v
claimed, returning a couple of minutes
later; "there's the ticket and the change.
No, thanks; you'll want all you've got.
Good-by," mate, and good-luck to you."
With a bump and a groan the train
moved out of the station and ambled
along the line running at the back of
Shesil Beach at the rate of eight or ten
miles an hour. Harborde was one of
half a dozen passengers, but there was
no one else in his compartment. He
sat thinking of all that had happened.
He had heard nothing of those at home j
for many months; they might all be
dead. How would he have the courage
to go to the door with this possibility? j
What would he do If Jane told him his J
mother was dead? He covered his face
in his hands at the thought, and sobbed
as only a strong man can sob In the '
corner of a carriage. -With a great Jerk
the train pulled up at the station, and
Harborde got out His fellow travelers
regarded him with curiosity because t
his friend the porter bad told every one
of them who he waa when he examined j
their tickets, inveighing bitterly - the
while against the caustic humor of par
doning an innocent man. -
Harborde noticed nothing of this. He
Inquired of a porter the next train on to
the junction for Applebury, and then
discovered that he was both hungry
and faint for want of food. He went
out into the slippery, muddy street at
the back of the houses on the Farad
and at length found a quiet little eating,
house, where he was served with a
meal by a girl, who had a pitying eye,
after consulting with her superior iu
command. At 3 o'clock he was again
on his way in his train, in the company
this time of other fellow-creatures who
one and all regarded him with a feel
ing akin to that with which they would
have submitted to the company of a
dangerous animaL Harborde noticed
it after a time, and putting his hand to
his head suddenly made the discovery
that his hair was noticeably short.
After this he realized that he was a
marked man, and no longer wondered
why the lady .opposite drew her warm
plaid dress away from his feet, and the
other. lady with two children sidled as
far from him as possible and asked the
guard to find her seats in another car
riage at the next station. He was in
nocent, but how could he explain it to
them? If they could but know what he
had suffered surely they would weep.
He hadn't the paper with him; even if
he had" perhaps they would not believe
that he and Thomas Harborde men
tioned in the paragraph were one and
the same. Two men got In where the
lady with the children got out They
each of them threw a glance, shrugged
their shoulders, and then became im
mersed in their papers.
It was quite dark when Applebury
was reached, and Harborde, luggage
less, speedily passed out of the station
without being recognized. There seem
ed little alteration in the place. Sev
eral of the shops now gay with Christ
mas good and finery In the main street
now had large plate glass windows In
place of more countryfled fronts, but
were otherwise much as fifteen years
ago. For a moment he stood confused,
staring up and down the street, re
garded by the passers-by with curiosity.
Then he remembered that he would
have to go along the street past the
grocer's whose window projected a
yard into the footpath, turn down the
byjtreet, and then again turning take
th road leading to his home.
In ten minutes he reached the garden
gate. He had run part of the way, and
now he could not make up his mind to
go up the drive to the door. What If
they were all dead? He grew sick at
the very idea. There was a light in his
mother's room, which was at the front
of the house. What If she were ill
perhaps dying? At last his legs carried
him up the drive, which swept round
the little front lawn In a semi-circle.
He heard the bell tinkle shrilly at the
back of the house. The sound seemed
like home. All at once he remembered
how, years ago, he had banged It with
a long-handled broom till it jangled
against Us fellows on either side.
The door opened. A flood of light
streamed out on to the gravel.. It was
a strange face and the fact sent an icy
shock to his heart. Far outside bimself
he heard a voice he did not recognize as
his own asking if Dr. Harborde were
in. A year seemed to pass before the
servant said "No," adding, "Did you
wish to see him particular?"
"He'll be in in half an hour." -
"Is is Mrs. Harborde In? Is she
alive?" said the man at the door, throw
ing the words at her when once his
tongue had consented to frame them.
"Why, lor bless me, yes! Come, none
o' that!" -
But It was no use. The man she nad
just noticed had suspiciously short hair
and a strange, wild-looking face bad
pushed past her, thrown open the sit-tiiig-rooni
door, stumbled Into it, and
thrown his arms around a sweet-faced
old lady, who rose in alarm at his sud
den entrance.
"My son! my son!" rang out through
the house. "Mother! mother!"
The girl stood rooted to the spot, then
she ran to Jane, and the two of them
came out Into the passage. In the sitting-room
with its pink-shaded lamp a
woman was seated kissing every line in
her son's face every line that the long
years had written. And he stroked the
hair that still lay thick, though white,
in a coil at the back of her bead.
Suddenly the man started up.
"Jess?" he asked, huskily.
Some one who had lain, half-stunned
with joy. In a wicker chair well out of
the range of the lamplight came into his
vision. . '
"Jess!" he cried, folding her In his
arms whilst the room swam round. "My
"Tom!" came the answer.
"But I am old," said he; "so old."
"And I, also, with the sadness and
loneliness of waiting. But now now
I am young again."
"The voice of the elder woman broke
the silence after a moment. "For this,
my son, was dead and is alive again."
And they began to be merry. London
Black and White.
Wizard with tne Whip.
An Austro-Hungarian, named Pisks
lug, has created a sensation in Vienna
by his wonderful performances with a
whip some of which are described by
the London Tit-Bits:
"The first thing he does Is to take a
long-lashed, stout-handled whip in each
hand, and, with orchestral accompani
ment, proceed to crack or snap them at
a terrific rate. The sound made by his
whips in this manner is graduated from
anoise like a rifle report to the soft
click of a billiard balL It makes a curi
ous sort of music, and serves to show
how he can regulate the force of each
"More interest is evinced when he
seizes a vicious-looking whip with an
abnormally long lash. It is provided
with a very heavy handle of medium
length. This is his favorite toy, and
what he can do with it is really wonder
f uL He first gives an Idea of what fear
ful force may ye In a whip-lash In the
hands of an expert.
"A large frame, over which Is stretch
ed a calf or sheep skin, is brought on
the stage. This Is marked with -dots
of red paint. The 'man with the whip
steps up, and swinging the lash round
his head lets fly at the calfskin. With
every blow-he actually pulls a piece out
of the leather, leaving a clean-cut hole.
These pieces are distributed among
the audience to show that there is no
trickery about the performance. After
this he takes a frame with three
shelves. On these there are a dozen or
moreof medium-sized apples lying very
close together and provided with large
numbers. Any one in the audience may
designate which apple he wishes struck,
and the unerring lash snatches it out
like a flash. - ..
"A still more difficult feat Is the snap
ping of coins from a narrow-necked bot
tle. A piece of silver about the size of
a half-crown is put over the cork of the
bottle, which stands on the edge of a
table. The whip artist, without appear
ing to take any sort of aim, sends the
long lash whizzing through the air and
picks off tbe coin without jarring the
bottle, much less breaking It"
Bam'.a Horn Sounds a Warning Note
to the Unredeemed.
K scll oar
birthright to
be saved when
we choose sin.
Seeing great
things will teir a
great soul that it is
. God sometimes
sends us good gifts
in evil looking char
iots. A blind man's
world can be meas
ured with a walking stick.
The Christian is well armed, whose
faith says, "God is my strength."
When the cup of sin is put to the lips,
i serpent that stings is alwaj-s ia it.
There is wealth In contentment; pow
er in patience and joy In being'gratef ul.
There can be -no failure in anything
that Is undertaken in the name of the
Where God gives much in the way of
favor and opportunity, he expects
Turn a buzzard loose anywhere and it
will Immediately go to looking for a
If we talk without weighing our
words, they will soon have no weight
for good.
The man who gives the world gold
will be forgotten, but he who gives it
good will not
John the Baptist had no enemies un
til after he began' to say, "Behold the
Lamb of God."
How many saw Peter denying his
Lord, who didn't see him when he was
weeping bitterly.
Science is continually having to re
j consider her declarations, but Christ
I made no mistakes.
j We can always depend on this: God
will either give us what we pray for or
'something better.
The man who cannot first pray for his
brother's salvation cannot make a true
prayer for himself.
The 'closet door of secret prayer must
alwayp swing on the golden hinges of
love to God and man.
If things go wrong with you, it is be
cause God can see a good reason why
they should go that way.
No man who heard Jesus speak could
declare that his preaching was better
than his carpenter work.
Whenever Jesus spoke, it was not
that the people might be pleased, but
that they might be saved. - ,
Men write volumes In theology with
out being able to say any more than
"God so loved the world." -
The man who truly says, "Our Father
In heaven" wants to say, "My brother,"
to every man in the world.
The glory of Solomon's reign shows
how willing God Is to bless everybody
who will give him a chance. T" -.
I It is likely that we would see less to
! condemn in our neighbors, if God could
! see more to commend in us.
The world and everything In it be-
longs to the Christian, to-help-'uiin
make a true man of himself.
It is better to be a nobody .' who
amounts to something, than a some
body and accomplish nothing.
j One of the conditions upon which
Jesus will make wine Is that we shall
fill the water-posts to the brim,
i The unspeakable things Paul heard in
' paradise have never done anybody any
i rood, but what he heard while the thorn
j was piercing his fiesb has been a bless
ing to many.
Kept Ali ve
in the Philadelphia almshouse there
was a gaunt, blind Scotchman, the most
wretched of all that wretched com
pany. The other paupers had friend
who came on visitors' day and gave
them clothes, or tobacco, or pennies to
Jingle in their pockets. Nobody ever
came to Joe. His clothes were thread
bare, his pipe was empty; he sat aloof,
friendless. Yet his comrades treated
him with respect They called him Mas
ter Joe, and regarded him with a cer
tain awe. The superintendent noticed
this with amusement, and said one day:
"Why do they treat you as a superior,
"I am not like them," the old pauper
said, drawing himself up. "1 hae the
bluid o' the Bruces In my veins. I dinna
let them forget it"
"Nothing ennobles a man's actions,"
says tbe Spanish proverb, "like a drop
of noble blood."
The highest and purest nobility is
only attained by the man who has the
secret mysterious faith that he is of
kin to the Maker of the world. Just as
he keeps that faith alive he will be truer
in heart and life than his fellows.
A young man has been taught Who is
his Almighty Father. He finds it diffl
cult to remember it There Is so much
to occupy hU thoughts! Books, com
panions, and presently money to earn,
marriage, a place to win. Some day he
will be called to another world and to
other conditions of existence. Will he
go as the prodigal or the loving son to
meet his Father?
Ralph Percy, struck down on the bat
tlefield, was found dying under the
trampling horses' feet.
"Tell my mother," he said, "that It Is
all over, but that 1 always kept alive"
the bird in my bosom !"
Sir Walter Scott, who. had drunk deep
of the world's best pleasures, beckoned
to Lockhart when dying.
"I have but a mirfute to. tell you," he
said. " "There is but one thing that
counts. Be-good be a good 'man. Be
virtuous, be religious. Be a good man,
my dear. It is all that will give, you
happiness when you come to lie here."
Do we, in our struggling lives, remem
ber simply to "be good?" Do we keep
alive the bird in our bosom, witl Its
strange song of another life, and of our
kinship with the King of kings?
A Safer Place. V
An old man was breaking stones one
day on a country road In Wales, when
a gentleman came riding along. :
"Bother these stones! Take them
out of my way," he said. . -
"Where can I take them tor your
honor?" ' -
"I don't care where; take them to
hades, if you like:"
"Don't you think, your honor," said
the old man, "that I'd better take them
to heaven? They'll be less in your
honor's way there."
- Superior officer- You are accused of
sleeping on-your watcn. aentlnel-Mm-possible,
sir. "Impossible? What do
you mean?- "My watch has been at
the pawnbroker's for six months."
Washington Times. ; '
"Otto, you have a bad report. What
does that mean?" "Yes, papa; teacher
must have something against you!"
Fliegeude Blaetter. : (
Why is whisky so much easier to get
than work?
Tamed His Hair Gray.
George R. Hendrickson, a Well-known
Traveling; Man, Describes Nevej-to-be
-forgotten Experience
Thought He Was Going to
be Launched Info
-Eternity.-' .
From the Chronicle, Ban Francisco, Cal. .
George "K. Hendrickson, of 506 Mar
ket street, San Francisco, Cal., is one
of the,best known commercial travelers
on the Pacific coast. Mr. Hendrickson
has grown gray in the service but his
frosted -hair and patriarchial beard are
due more to an experience he had about
three years ago, than, to age.
"There was not much to hope for,"
said the old-time traveler when relat
ing his experience yesterday, "and I
never expected to take an ' order again.
It is not a pleasant thing to contem
plate, when walking along the street,
to be seized with a sinking spell and
think you are about to be launched
into eternity. ; That was the condition
of my existence for about six months.
The doctors told me that I was suffer
ing from nervous prostration. Well I
guess I was. I had had an attack of the
girppe, and my complaint waa the re
sult of ' that disease. I consulted the
best physicians in the town and took
their medicine, bnt I grew no better.
My stomach went back on me and I
suffered all the ills that accompany
nervous disorders. "
"While under the care of the doctora
I never knew what peace of mind was.
The least sound coming unexpectedly
threw me into a cold sweat, and caused
chills to run up and down my back. I
waa subject to vertigo and every time I
had an attack I feared that would
drop to the sidewalk a corpse. I began
to think I would be better off if dead,
when I came across Dr. Williams' Pink
Pills down in Los Gatos. I have
studied medicine and recognized the
value of the pills very readily. I threw
my last bottle of medicine ovef the
bridge at Los Qatos and began to take
the pills. At once my condition began
to improve.- I got relief from the start
and I determined to give the pills all
the chance in the world. I went home
and stayed there for three months, at
the end of which time I was a new
man, my health being completely re
stored." -Dr. Williams' Pink Pills contain, in
a condensed form, all the elements
necessary to give new life and richness
to the blood and restore shattered
nerves. They are also a specific for
troubles peculiar to females, such- as
suppressions,' irregularities, and. all
forms of weakness. They build up the
blood, and restore the glow of health to
pale and sallow cheeks. In men they
effect a raidical cure in all cases arising
from mental worry, overwork or ex
cesses of whatever nature. Pink Pills
are sold in boxes (never in loose bulk)
at 60 centa a box or six boxes for $2.50,
and may be had of all druggists, or di
rect by mail from Dr. Williams' Medi
cine Company, Schenectady, N. Y. -
A Washington man, who suspected
a colored man in his employ of tamper
ing with his private stock of whisky,
allowed the demijohn to become emp
ty, and, Instead of filling it again, put
the liquor in bottles In a cupboard and
labeled them "poison." One night,
as he came home from the theater, he
caught the colored servant In the act
Seizing the bottle Iu mock terror, the
employer exclaimed: "Great heavens!
Do you know- what you are doing?
Don't you see that what that bottle
contains Is marked poison?" The col
ored man held it off and looked at. it.
Then he smelled it, and, with a look of
melancholy, replied: '"Tain't poison,
sun. I'se done been fooled ag'in."
"How dared you tamper with it,
whether you knew it was poison or
not?" "Boss, It was dis-a-way. F'uni
de way yoh acted 'bout dat demijohn
in de cellar I done thought youh had
yoh s'picions ob me, an' it made me
melancholy, f oh sho I's been -tryin'
fob. mos' ' two weeks now ter commit
suicide out'n dat bottle!"
Her f cruplea. .
Mrs. Hatfield I can't stand dishon
esty and I think this speculating is just
as dishonest as gambling. By the way,
I see that Mrs. Hendrix has another
beautiful ring. I wonder how her hus
band can afford to buy her so many
Mr. Hatfield He runs a bucket shop.
Mrs. Hatfield (after a long silence)
John, I wonder if you couldn't get Into
that business? Cleveland Leader.
" Planting must be begun right, else no
amount of cultivation or fertilizer can pre
vent the crop being a failure. The nrst
step is the selection of the seed. Do not
take any risks here. Get seeds that you
can depend upon seetls that are fresh,
that have a reputation behind them. The
most reliable seeds grown in this country
are Ferry's seeds. Wherever seeds are
sown the name of D. M. Ferry & Co., of
Detroit, Mich., is a guarantee of quality
and freshness. The greatest care and strict
est caution are exercised in the growing,
selection, packing and distribution of their
seeds. Not only must they be fresh, but
they must be true to name.
On a par with the quality of the seeds is
Ferry's Seed Annual for 1897, the most
comprehensive and valuable book of the
kindever printed. Every planter, large and
small, should get, read and digest this
book before planting a single seed. It is
free to all who address the firm as above.
Archbishop Magee was once' present
at a full-dress debate on the eastward
position, when doubts were expressed
as to the exact meaning of the words
"before the table." After a speech or
two, Dr. Magee seized a piece of paper
and wrote: "As to the phrase, The
piper played before Moses,' doubts
hare arisen. . Some believe its meaning
to be that the piper played before Mo
ses that Is, at a period anterior to his
birth. .Others hold that the piper play
ed before Moses in the sense of preced
ing the great law-giver when he danc
ed; while others teach that the piper
played (coram Mose) before, or in the
presence of Moses, when the son of,
Amran dined. All these are wrong.
The phrase is to be understood as im
plying that the piper played at the
north end of - Moses, looking south."
The document was handed to Arch
bishop Tait, who looked grave.
: If: your tea is not good,
why don't you drink water?
It is cheaper and better for
you than poor tea.
If it w good, your stom
ach is glad . to get it; does
its work better.
Schilling's Best is good
tea at grocers' in packages.
A. Schillinr 4t Company
HI Fraacisce .
Illustrated by a Tour i at Who Insisted
Upon Going Into a Crater.
Capt. Basil Hall tells one of those
stories which are always coming up to
prove that the man who knows noth
ing about a danger is the one to fear it
least and to neglect a salutary obe
dience toward those who have trodden
a path before. The Incident was nar
rated by an old guide at Vesuvius.
"A few years ago," said Salvatore,
"r- came up the mountain with a party
of gentlemen, one of whom Insisted on
going not only around the cone, as we
are doing 'now, but actually Into the
crater, though I told him that such an '
adventure was attended with - more
danger than the thing was worth.
" " "Pooh! Pooh! Danger? said the-plg-headed
gentleman. 'What do I care for
danger? Am I not a soldier? ; Why,
man, I have faced the foe before now!
Lead the way, I'll follow.'
"I merely said that to face a human
enemy and to tace an active volcano
were two very different things.'
" 'Are you afraid to go?' he asked.
" 'I don't much admire it,' I answer
ed; 'but as I think I know how to evade
the danger 'when it comeshaving
been at the work for nearly half a cen
tury I'll go into the crater if you arc
determined upon the adventure. Only
I warn you again; the danger to an in
experienced person Is very great'
" 'Well! Well!' he called Impatiently,
come along!' And away we went, he
flourishing his stick like a sword, while
I only shrugged my shoulders.
" 'Now, sir, I said to him, the only
plan by which we can hope to accom
plish the expedition In safety Is to be
perfectly steady, and if a shower of
stones comes about our ears to stand as
cool and collected as If nothing were
happening. I hope we may not hare
any while we are in this awkward
place, but If we should be so unfortu
nate, 'mind, your only chance Is to
stand fast and look forward. It re
quires good nerves, ao brace them up!"
" 'Oh, nerves,' said he, skeptically.
Ts that all? You shall see.
"So away we went, , climbed the Up
of the cup, descended Into the fearful
abyss, and though half choked with the
fumes, saw all we wished to see. We
were on our return when the mountain
roared like thunder, the ground shook,
a furious' eruption took place, and
myriads of stones were shot a thousand
feet into the air.
" 'Now, signor, mio, I called, 'stand
your ground and make good use of your
nerves! Look! Be steady, and you
may yet escape.'
"But the man who had faced mortal
foes quailed before the powers of na
ture. He looked up as he was bidden;
but when he saw a cataract of fire fall
ing on his head, the courage of which
he had boasted forsook him, and In
continently he fled.
"For my part I was too much afraid
to fly. I never saw such a shower of
stones, and I wonder we were not both
demolished. As it was, my companion
had not run far before he was struck
down by these missiles.
-. "One of them broke his leg and an
other stunned him, and I had enough
to do to get him out of the cone on my
shoulders. Much work we had to take
him to Naples, where the hotel keepers
and the Italian doctors between them
had the plucking of this precious pigeon
for the next six months." Youth's
. Don't Worry."
There Is but one way out of the diffi
culty. It is impossible to avoid all the
causes for worry, for there is no day
that does not bring its share, but the
trouble lies in the fact that so many
yield weakly to the depressions to
which nearly everyone is liable, and do
not make any effort to rise superior to
their trials. Worry is not always the
accompaniment of great troubles; it
more frequently arises from petty cares,
the constant Jar and fret of which in
time wears out the "life. These can
surely be put aside if one has the will
to do so, and this is most easily done by
substituting in their places thoughts of
other and better things, which will take
the mind out of self and selfish affair
and turn It In other channels.
fa is hardly a compliment to say that any
one is "hipped," but anyone is pretty badly
hipped who suffers with sciatica. It is in
the hip that the excruciating pain takes
hold and tortures. It is just there where
St. Jacobs Oil, with its soothing penetration,
has done some of its most remarkable Work
of cure. Those who suffer thus, therefore,
need not despair of cure when this great
remedy for pain can be had so readily, and
as it is known as a sure cure, be sure to get
it and insure speedy and perfect riddance
of the intense misery. There are cases of
confirmed crippling from this malady
which this great remedy has effectually
cured and restored the sufferer to a sound
condition. -
A new hypnotic has' probably been
found in Jamaica dogwood. The fluid
extract has been found efficacious in
Wind power is derived from the un
equal heating of various portions of the
earth by the sun's rays.
Is a pronounced yellow. It is visible in the
countenance and eyeballs. It is accompanied
with uneasiness beneath the right ribs and
shoulder blade, sick headache, nausea and
irregularity of the bowels. To the removal of
each and all of these discomforts, as well as
their cause, Hoslctter's Stomach Bitters ig
admirably adapted. This pre-eminent family
medicine also remedies malarial, rheumatic
and kidney complaints, nervousness and debil
ity. It promotes appetite and sleep.
Deafness is more common in cold
countries than in warm climates, the
ear being very sensitive to atmospheric
changes. .
. AWAY.' "
- There is one large house in this countrv
that has taken business on its turn and
means to ride on the rising tide. Alive to
the signs of better times and to the best
interests of the people, they are now circu
lating among families a valuable publica
tion known as Thk Charles A. Vogeler
Company's Cookery Book and Book of
Comfort and Health, which contains very
choice information on the subject of cook
ing. Receipts for the preparation of good,
substantial and dainty dishes, prepared es
pecially for it by a leading authority, will
be found in its pages. Much care has been
taken in its preparation and distribution,
With the hope that it will be just the thing
needed for housekeepers, and just the thing
needed also for the care of the health and
household. As a Cookery Book it will be
invaluable to keep on band for reference.
It also contains full information in re
gard to the great remedies of this house,
which provide against bodily ailments,
especially the Master Cure for Pains and
Aches, St. Jacobs Oil.
To give some idea of the labor and ex
pense of this output, more than 200 tons of
paper have been used in its publication,
ana at the rate of 10(1,000 a day, it has taken
several months for the issue. .
The book can be had of druggists every
where, or by enclosing a 2c. stamp to The
Charles A. Vogeler Company, Baltimore,
Md. ; . - - ' i." y
: Swiss papers complain that the watch
trade is in a precarious condition, ow
ing to foreign competition and high
duties. ? -
' Piso'a Cure for Consumption ha saved
ma large doctor bills. C . L. Baker, 4228
Regent Sq.., Philadelphia, Pa., Dc. 8 '95.
Take Paine's Celery Compound if You Need a
True Remedy.
Do Not Allow a Salesman to Palm Off
Any Substitute.
The Wonderful Prescription. That Results From the Life
Work of America's Greatest Physician, Investigator and
' There is one direction, as IJr. George
P. Shrady, America's first surgeon, dis
tinctly says, in which people seem to
need enlightenment at present more
than they have for many years past.
"This is the rational appreciation of
the danger of quackery and fake cures."
Dr. Shrady's article in the New York
World of Dec. 27 should be read by
every man and woman who is ever in
clined to listen to the nonsensical, but
too often plausible, ramblings of trad
ers in patent medicines.
When Prof. Edward E. Phelps, M.
D. , LL. D. , of Dartmouth college, after
a long life of study in the most recent
scientific investigation of disease,
evolves the marvelous formula of
Paine's celery compound when after
the closest possible observance by the
best practitioners it is found that this
greatest remedy of bur generation not
only does all, but even accomplishes
more than the modest doctor the
giant among men that he has proved to
be more than he was willing at first
to claim when thousands of sufferers
in every walk of life, sufferers from
ailments that come from overwork, de
ranged digestive organs, impaired ner
vous systems, too poor or too rich liv
ing, inattention to hygienic laws, liave
been absolutely restored to health by
Paine's celery compound, after vainly
trying every other possible remedy, and
being dosed by well meaning but in
competent so-called physicians.
When this is taken into considera
Walter Baker & Go.'s
Breakfast Cocoa.
Because it is absolutely pure.
Because it is not
a cup.
Be cure that you get the genuine article made by WALTER
BAKER & CO. Ltd., Dorchester, Mass. Established 1780. X
Cheapest Power.....
i-i H. P. Hercules. Gas or Gasoline. ;
1-2 H. P. HercuKs, Gas or Gasoline. , , '
1-3 H. P. Regan, Gas or Gasoline. 3
i- H. P. Oriental. Gas or Gasoline.1
1-4 H. P. Otto, Gas or1 Gasoline. 1
1-4 H. P. Pacific, Gas or Gasoline'' ,?
i-6 H. P. Hercules, Gas or Gasoline;
i-io H. P. Hercules, Gas or Gasoline;
State Your Wants and Write for
Gas, Gasoline and Oil
405-7 Sansome Street
San Francisco, Cal...
A short man with tbe remains of a
"Jag" wandered Into the Midland, says
the Kansas City Journal, and asked!
for a typewriter's studio. He lives la
Kansas, and had been winning bets' oa
the foot-ball games. He wanted to stay
another week, but his wife expected
him home, so he was in search of a
typewriter to send home a letter to
serve as an apology for his nonappear
ance. "Kansas City, this date, ninety
six," he muttered to the typewrltist.
"I havethat." "My dear wife." "Yes."
"Very important business will require
my presence in Osawatomle for a few
days " "Iet's see," Interrupted the
artist; "how do you spell that Osawato
mle?", "Spell It yourself. It's your
typewriter." "f can't." vcan't spell
Osawatomle?" he asked, in' disgust.
"No." "Then I'll go to Fort Scott."
Dealers' Best
A rents Wanted. Fori land. Or., U. 8. A.
"Juat Don't Feel Well,"
a ' the One ThlnaJo nae
Only One tor Dosa.
Sold br Vmawiata at SBo. a box
Sample mallad free. Address
, ur. Bounao Had. ue. naia. ra.
DAnn Tot tracing and locating Gold or Sliver
Kl 1 1 IS ore, lost or hidden treasures. M. D. FOW
llVlw t,b. Box in SonthlDgton. Conn. -
in UP TURK and PILEB-cured ; no pay until
JX cured; send for book. Drs. Mansfield &
Pobtbsfi mld, 638 Market St, San Francisco.
l'Sl'' I AM ft) bs.riiCI.vO
4 lwasJOaredlal.teS.Dara. MeFeTU
Cere. DR. T"MalS,lAAaau,
tion, and at the same time we find hosts
of people still willing to be led astray
by the hundred and one nostrums
which irresponsible traders try to foist
upon them on the pretext that these
preparations are "as good as . Paine's
celery compound" (but really because
they make a big profit on such prepara
tions), it is time for every one who
detests fraud to warn his neighbors,
and take the warning himself, that
when he goes to get a bottle of Paine's
celery compound he must not be whee
dled into taking some other remedy. ,
Paine's celery compound makes pea.
pie well. These other things work
Paine's celery compound is not a
patent medicine. Its formula is given
freely to every physician.
These trashy stuffs that you are
asked to buy are made up of ingredi
ents that should never be taken into a
s'ick stomach.
These ordinary nervines, tonics and
sarsaparillas are no more to be com
pared with Paine's Celery compound
than a glimmering candle is to be com- -pared
with the wonderful modern
search light.
If a person needs nerve tonic, a real
blood purifier, a reliable diuretic, that
will restore strength, renew vitality,
regulate the kidneys, liver and bowels,
and make one well, let that person try
his or her first bottle of Paine's celery
compound and mark the . wonderful re
sult. . .
ej ej ees eseaeae ea
made by the so-called Dutch Process in j
which chemicals are used.
Because beans of the finest quality are used.
Because it is made by a method which' preserves unimpaired J
the exquisite natural flavor and odor of the beans. x
Because it is the most economical, costing less than one cent t
aaaaaaaaajiaa aa
Rebuilt: Gas and
....Gasoline Engines.
Li, :
Engines, 1 to 200 H. P.
Hercules Gas
....Engine Works
ThaM has nfttnr b;en & time when BTOW
'.rsnhnnlH -iiArri aiirainKt filuT0 With mot
care. Tbere has never been a time when
Ferry Seed were mora essential. The? are
. oIwbvm f h hi'Ht. For sale bT lead in- .
dealers everywhere. Insist on having' them.
I is full of information for gardeners and 1
planters. There will never be a Better time
k than now to send for tne 1897 edition, rree.
D. Ma Ferry & go.( Detroit, mien.
Itofeinf and mind, BlediMr rrotrnaiDic rue.
R. B
; REMEDY, swp.uc.r
. Circnltri sent (m. Price
taautrfaai tumar
. brd.u or ulL lilt- HUKAAklX fklla. Pa.
rrM luoiors. a ptmiiva cui
Make money by suc
ceKful speculation in
Chicago. We buy and
sell wheat there on
margins. Fortunes have been made on a small
beginning by trading in futures. Write for
full Darticulars . Uest of reference given. Sev
eral years' experience on the Chicago Board of
Trade, and a thorough Knowledge ot tne ousi-
ness. Downing, Hopkins fe Co., Chicago Board
of Trade Brokers. Oftices iu Portland, Oregon,
Spokane and Seattle, Wash.
Hatched in Pet Inula
IneulMLtors -as start
ed right, and Is boiter
prepared to ate profit1
able retains oecsuse these
macbtnes exemstveiy em
body the features which pro
dace the gresteit number
of vigorous Chickens.
Incubators from $10 no.
ptmln-Mt lpctrttoT Co.,
PetsLiumava cau-
I f tatc!
Conch Brrnp. Taatat Good. TJa
a mm
N.P.N.TJ. No. 686. &F.N.TJ. No. 763
1 - - - -