The Corvallis gazette., April 30, 1880, Image 1

Oorvallls Gazette.
PUBLISHED
EVERY FRIDAY M0RMN8
W. 13. CARTTO,
Editor and Proprietor.
TERMS
(coin.)
flje
Per Icur,
Ms Moolbi
lbrec Mouths,
8 a BO
1 90
1 O
tNVARIABLT IN ADVAXCK.
CITY ADVERTISEMENTS.
M. S. WOODCOCK,
Attorney and Counselor at Law,
( VKVALI.1S. : : OREGON.
VOL. XVII.
CORVALLIS, OREGON, FRIDAY. APRIL 30, 1880.
NO. IS.
CITY ADVERTISEMENTS.
CITY ADVERTISEMENTS.
OFFICE ON FIRST STREET, OPP. WOOD
COCK A BALDWIN'S Hardware store.
Special attention given to Collections, Fore
closure of Mortgages, Real Estate cases, Probata
ad Road matters.
Will also buy ami sell City Property and Farm
Lands, ou reasonable terms.
March 20, 187'J. 16-12yl
J. K. WEBBER,
Main St., Corvallis. Oregon,
DEALER IN
Stoves, Ranges,
FORCE AND LIFT PUMPS.
HOUJE FURNISHING HARDWARE.
Constantly on hand, the
NEW RICHMOND RANGE,
Beat in Market. The
BONANZA COOK STOVf,
Something Mew. And the New
VECTA PARLOR STOVE.
Jan. 1,1880. 17:1 tf
orvallls I odge to 14. t. 4k. A. M.
Holds stated Communications on Wednesday on
or preceding each full moon. Brethren in good
standing cordially invited to attend. By order
W.M.
Barnnm lodge Ho. 7, I. O. O. tr.
Meets on Tuesday evening of each week, in
their hall, in Fisher's brick, second story. Mem
liers of the order in good standing invited to at
tend. By order of N. G.
F. A. CHENOWETII.
P. M. JOHNSON.
J. R. BRYSON,
ATTORNEY AT LAW.
All business will receive prompt
attention.
COLLECTIONS A SPECIALTY
Corvallis, July 14, 1879. 16:29tf
J. W RAYBUR,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
OK V t I.i. It,
OKKG02.
OFFICE On Monroe street, between Second and
'i hint.
Sr-Special attention g i ven to the Collection
f Notes and Accounts. 18-ltf
J MS A. YANTIS,
Attorney and Counselor at Law,
UHVALI fil, - - . OKIGO.V
yiM. PRACTICE IN ALL THE COURTS
of the State. Special attention given to
tiattcrs in Probate. Collections will receive
oinjit and careful attention. Office in the Court
fouee. ICzltf.
DR F. A. V.NCENT,
DENTIST.
COItVALLM - KEGOW.
QFFICE IN FISHER'S BRICK OVER
Max. Friendley's New Store. AH the latest
improvements. Everything new and complete.
All woik warranted. Please give me a call.
15:3tf
C. R. FARRA, M. D.
FHYMCIA KM) SURGEON,
QFFICE OVER GRAHAM 3c HAMILTON'S
v DrugSto-e, Corvallis, Oregon. 14-26tf
W. C. CRAWFORD,
DEALER IN
WATCSES,
CLOCK?,
TEWEI.RY, SPECTACLES, SILVER WARE,
w etc. AI.o,
Musical Instruments Ao
Repairing done at (Be most reasonable
fates, and all work warranted.
Corvallis, Dec 13, 1877. 14:50tf
GRAHAM, HAMILTON & CO.,
COKVALLM ... . KR4.0H
" DEALERS IN
I ni r; s3, lraiiits,
MEDICINES,
CHEMICALS If YE STIFKS,
OILS,
GLASS
AND
PUTY.
PURE WINES AND LQJJRS
FOR MEDICINAL USE.
And also the the very best assortment of
Lamps and Wall Paper
ever brought to this iilaiw.
AGENTS Full THE
AVSXIll CH ar.ii MXT,
SUPERIOR TO ANY OTHER
tPkjnlelars' f e.erlla 'are
HH i.wiiualwl.
CHENOWETH dt JOHNSON,
ATTORNEYS AT LAW
OHS ALUS . . . . ORKCION
September 4. 1879. 16:36tf
ALL E.I & WOODWARD,
Druggists
and
Apothecaries,
P. 0. BUILDING, CORVALLIS, OREGON.
Have a complete stock of
DRUGS, MEDICINES, PAINTS, Oil,
GLASS, IT?., tJG,
School looks".tatiOneny, fco.
We buy for Cash, and have choice of the
FRESHEST and PUREST Drugs and Medic'nes
the market affords.
Prescriptions accurately prepared at half
the usual rates. 2Mayl6:l8tf
FRESH GOODS-
AT THE
BAZAR FASHIONS
Mrs. E. A.. KNIGHT.
COBTAL1U, ... ORtOOI.
Ha just received from San Francisco, the larg
est and Best Stock of
Millinery Goods,
Dress Trimmings, Etc.,
Ever brought to Corvallis, which I will sell at
prices that defy competition.
Afcenrj far Mine, rett's reliable
ratterua.
25aprl6:17tf
Woodcock & Baldwin
(Successors to J. R Bayley & Co,)
"JEEP CONSTANTLY ON HAND AT THE
old stand a large and complete stock of
Heavy and Mielf Haiti are,
IRON, STEEL,
TOOLS, 8TOVCS,
RANGES, ETC
Manufactured and Home Made
Tin and Copper Ware,
Pumps, Pipe, Etc.
A good Tinner constantly on hand, and all
Job Work neatly and quickly done.
Also agents for Knnpp, Burrell & Co.,
for the sale of the best and latest im
proved FARM MACIIINKRY,
of all kinds, together with a full assort
ment of Agricultural Implements.
Sole Agents for the celebrated
ST. LOUIS CHARTiR OIKS OVES
the BEST IN THE WORLD. Also the
Norman Range, and many other patterns,
in all sizes and styles.
19 Particular attention paid to Farmers'
wants, and the supplying extras for Farm
Machinery, and all information as to such
articles, lurnished cheerfully, on applica
tion. No pains will be spared to furnish our
customers with the best goods in market,
in our line, and at the lowest prices.
Our motto shall be, prompt and fair
dealing with all. Call and examine our
stock, before going 'elsewhere. Satisfac
tion guaranteed.
WOOKCOCK & BALDWIN.
Corvallis, May, 12, 1879. 14:4tf
Rees Haulik.
Emmjstt F. Wbknh.
DRAYACE !
DRAY ACE !
Hamlin & Wrenii Propr'a.
HAVING JUST RETURNED FROM
Salem with a new truck, and having
leased the barn formerly occupied by James Eg
lin, we are now pn-pu ed to do all kinds of
CRAYIMC AD HAULING.
either in the city or country, at the lowest living
rates. Can be found at the old truck stand. A
shine of the public patronage resiovlfully solic
ited Corvuiiis, Dec. 27. 187S. I5:52lf
J C. MdftELANO.
(city attorney.)
ATTOUEY AT LAW,
HO KTI.AXIt. ko.
OFFICEMonastes Brick, First street,
between Morrison and Yamhill. 14:38tf
THE STAR BAKERY,
Main Street. orvalll.
HENRY WARRIOR, PROPRIETOR.
Family Supply Store !
GrCeek
Ca'ndieH,
Toys,
I KtC,
Always on Hand.
Corvallifl. Jan. i;i877. J 143tf
LANDS 1 FARMS! HOMES!
iHAVE FARMS, (Improved and unim
proved,) STORES and MILL PROPERTY,
very desirable,
FOR SALE.
These lands are cheap.
A lso claims in unsurveyed tracts for sale.
Soldiers of the late rebellion who have, under
be Soldiers' Homestead Act, located and made
final proof on less than 160 acres, can dispose of
the balance to me.
Write (with stamps to prepay postage).
R. A. BENSELL,
Newport, Benton county, Oregon.
l:2tf
H. E. HARRIS,
One door South of Graham k Hamilton's,
COBTALUR, OBBGOM.
GROCERIES ,
PROVISIONS,
AND
Dry Goods.
Corvallis, Jan. 3, 1878. l:lvl
DRAKE & GRANT,
MERCHANT TAILOR8,
ttlRVAU.lt., -
OIKSOH.
WE HAVE JUST RECEIVED A LARGE
and well selected stock of Cloth, viz :
West of rttfland II road
i lotlis, rench asglm.reg,
voieh Tweeds, and
a merleali oultlnnd,
Which we will make up to order in the most
approved and tashonable styles. No pains will
be st ared in producing good titling garments.
Parties wishing to purchase cloths and have
them cut out, will do well to call and examine
our stock. DRAKE k GRANT.
Corvallis, April 17, 1879. I6:10tf
Boarding and Lodging.
Plitlomatb, Beatuu Co , Orff.a.
GEORGE KISOR,
"RESPECTFULLY INFORMS THE TRAV
eling public that he is now prepared and in
readiness to keep such boarders as may choose to
give him a call, either by the
SINCIE MEAL. DAY. OR WEEK.
Is also prepared to furn'sh horse feed. Liberal
share of public patronage solicited. Give us a
call. GEORGE KISOR.
Philomath, April 28, 1879. I0:18tf
CORVALLIS
Livery, Feed
... AND...
SALE STABLE,
Bin 111 t., Cotval is, Oregon.
SOL. KING, - Porpr.
WNING BOTH BARNS I AM PREPARED
to oiler superior accommodations in the Liv
ery line. Always ready for a drive,
GOOD TEAMS
At Low Rates.
My stables are first-class in every respect, and
competent and obliging hostlers always
ready to serve the public.
REASONABLE CHARGE FOB MIRE.
Par tie alar attention Paid to BoardlMar
troraea.
ELEGANT HEARSE, CARRIAGES AND
HACKS FOR FUNERALS
Corvallis, Jan. 3, 1879.
10:lyl
$300
A MONTH euaranteed. Twelve
dollars a day made at home by
the industrious. Capital not re-
auiietl: we will start vmi. Man-
women, boys tad girls make money faster at
work for us than at anything else. The work is
light and pleasant, and such as anyone can go
right at. Those who are wise who see this notice
will send us their addresses at once and see for
themselves. Costly outfit and terms free. Now
is the time, Those already at work are laying
up large sums of money. Address TRUE k CO.,
Augusta, Maine.
$66
A WEEK in your own town and no
capital risked. Yon can give the
lousiness a trial without expense.
The best opportunity ever offered for
those willing to work. You should try nothing
else until you see for yourself what you can do at
the business we offer. No room to explain here.
You can devote all your time or only your spare
time to the business, and make great pay for
every hour you work. Women make as much
as men. Send for special private terms and par
ticulars, which we mafl free. $8 outfit free.
Don't complain of hard times while vou have
such a chance. Address H. HALLETX k CO,.
Portland, Maine. . . 16:31yl
FRANKLIN OA UTNORN. M. 0.,
PHYSICIAN AND SURGEON,
C'orvallla, Oregon.
Special attention eiven to sureerv and d
of the Eye. v 'ian be found at his office, in rear of
VALERIE'S PROPOSAL.
BY ETHEIiIND BAY.
It was a very warm day. So very
warm, in fact, that Allan Weber oonld
not help indulging in the thought that
existence was not exactly a pleasure that
afternoon.
He arose from the luncheon-table,
sauntered lazily across the room, and
stood by the window at least fifteen
minutes, yawning and trying to decide
which wonld require the least exertion
to go do down town in a street car, or
smoke a fragrant Havana in the cool,
back parlor.
To tell the truth, Mr. Weber had, that
afternoon, received a visit from those
tormenting, life-darkening little angels
of satan, known to all modest people, un
der the appellation of "blues," and oh,
wonder of wonders! all because Fortune
was not smiling upon his little love
dream, which he was then dreaming,
with a great many heart-thrills, heart
aches, sighs, etc., which, I am sure, my
dear reader (or good reader, or kind
reader, or any other sort of a reader)
you, yourself, have sometime in your
life, experienced, and will, therefore,
sympathize with my poor hero.
Valerie Church, the object of his
adoration, was the prettiest and most
charming young lady in the whole city
an heiress and an accomplished coquette
and poor Allan often wislied.in despair,
that she wasn't quite so pretty and sweet,
for then, perhaps, she would not have so
many admirers, and he might stand a bet
ter chance.
While he was still staring moodily out
of the window, his sister, Winnie, came
to his side and rested her head on his
arm.
"Allan," she said mischievously,
"Valerie is coming over to spend the
afternoon. "If I ask her to stay to tea,
will you take her home?"
"Will I?" said Allan, flushing; and it
was wonderful how rapidly his desire for
a street car vanished. ' 'I rather think I
will, if I get a chance."
"Well," said Winnie, turning away
with a smile, "I am going up-stairs for a
while, and when she comes you must
send for me."
"Oh, yes; I'll send for you, in your
mind !" thought the ungrateful fellow, as
he lounged into the back parlor and threw
himself on a sofa.
How nice and cool and shady it was
in there, and how sweetly the perfume
from the hyacinths out in the garden
was wafted in by the soft zephyrs. The
stillness, the fragrance, the distant hum
of the bees, all bad their influence upon
Allan, and before he knew it, he had
drifted off into a sweet, dreamy slum
ber, and was living in a little rose-colored
world all his own and Valerie's.
He wss aroused from his sweet vis
ions by the closing of a door, and, half
opening his eyes, he saw the object of
his thoughts Valerie coming across
the velvet carpet in a trailing, white
dress.
She was not looking at him, and, with
remarkable presence of mind, he closed
his eves again and lay perfectly still,
his heart beating so loudly that he
was afraid she would hear it.
She came softly to the sofa, and
stood looking down at him a moment,
then drew an ottoman to his side and
seated herself, leaning her arm she had
beautiful arms upon the sofa.
Imagine poor Allan's emotion ! know
ing that the woman he loved so passion
ately was so near, and yet oh, so far
from him !
He could feel the dimpled elbow
pressing his pillow; in imagination he
could see the white sleeve falling away
from the round, snowy arm; the soft,
dusky shadows playing in her dark
eyes, and the wicked, provoking smile
wreathing her red lips.
Valerie had a bewitching, tormenting
way cf keeping her admirers at a dis
tance, and none knew tbis better thau
Allan.
He was well aware that did she know
he was awake, she would never forgive
him for deceiving her, and was just
wondering how in the world he would
extricate himself from this dilemma
without incurring her everlasting dis
pleasure, when suddenly a warm, Ira
grant breath floated across his face, and
in amazement he opened his eyes just as
Valerie's sweet, red lips touched his
brown mustasche lightly and softly (but
oh! not half so coldly) as a snow-flake.
Poor, happy Allan! The blisa was so
brief, so unexpected, so entrancing, that
his boasted presence of mind flew clear
out of the window and refused to re
turn. The temptation was -too great to
be resisted, and almost before he knew
it, and before Valerie had time to
scream, as most young ladies would
have done upon being detected in such
an act though there are not many young
ladies as audacious as Valerie, move's
the pity she was clasped in his arms,
and the stolen kiss was repaid with com
pound interest.
But alas! Allan's happiness died an
abrupt and ignominious death.
"Mr. Weber!" said Valerie, recovering
from her astonishment and indignation,
and drawing her slight form up, with all
the majesty and hauteur of an empress,
"you have forgotten yourself entirely;
will you please release my hand?"
"But Valerie, dear Valerie," pleaded
Allan passionately, "I could not help it
indeed I could not, I love you I have
loved you so long but until to-day, un
til this moment, I have been afraid to
speak! But now, darling, say I love not
in vain!"
Valerie laughed a cold, heartless
laugh that struck a bitter pain to Allan's
heart.
"Love!" she echoed lightly, "what is
it what does it mean? Men have talked
to me of love before but I did not under
stand them! Wont yu please explain?"
"Do not trifle with ne, Valerie," said
Allan, turning ouddknly white. "I
know now that you loe me you have
given me proof ; you are the first woman
I have ever asked to acoept my name
and it is a (rood old namet too. '
"And don't vou foreetfit!" interrupted
Valerie, with a wicked little demon of
y or night.
June 3, 1S72 ' ib-ZBS
'-5 aanaaaanW
mischief flashing in her dark eyes.
"Really, Mr. Weber, your conceit ex
ceeds your good sense in the ratio of
about a thousand to one; one would think
you considered it quite an honor to be a
Weber!"
"And so I do," returned Allan haught
ily. "Valerie, this is the last time I
shall ask you will you be my wife?"
"No;" said Valerie, in a cool, but
trenchant tone, "I must decline that
honor, great as it is!"
And gathering up her trailing, white
dress in one hand, she sauntered out of
the room, singing softly to herself:
"I wonder why it is that men never
know (at least very seldon ) how to ask a
girl to marry them. They generally
commence all right, but the slightest
hesitation or coquettishness on the fair
one's part, arouses their slumbering con
ceit (and they have an immense amount
of that quality in their composition) and
they generally lose the victory."
No matter how much a girl love a man,
if she has any pride, she does not like
him to take it for granted that she is
ready to "fall into his arms" at a
moment's warning.
And so Allan, having fallen into this
common error, and so lost the victory,
threw himself on the lounge, angrily
consigning all the women Valerie in
particular to a far more tropical region
than this.
And Valerie, going slowly down the
stairs, said to herself, with the color
fading swiftly out of her face,
"He will never ask me again, and I I
love him!"
'
The summer dragged slowly by. The
days had never seemed so long and
wearisome to Valerie as they did now.
She grew weary of all her old admirers,
and discarded them one by one until
only three or four remained in her train.
Once she met Allan on the street, but
he only lifted his hat coldly and
courteously, and passed on.
The next time she saw him he was
walking with a young lady who was visit
ing his sister a very beautiful young
lady, Valerie thought, as she watched
them, with jealous eyes; and then she
wished, oh! how earnestly she wished
that she had not thrown away that true,
noble heart when it was offered her.
But it was too. late now he had said
he would never ask her again, and sue
knew he never would. She was suffer
ing now, as a few months before she had
caused poor Allan to suffer.
One evening she was at a party, and
was standing near a table, talking to
some friends, when some one came up
and said hurriedly,
"Have you heard the news ?"
"No; what is it ?" some one asked, and
Valerie turned her head, and waited for
the answer, with an undefined fear turn
ing her heart cold.
"Allan Weber has the small-pox!"
Valerie's head whirled, and, for a mo
ment, everything before her grew dark.
Then she forced herself to look up; it
seemed that every one was looking at
her, and she wondered, even in the midst
of her pain, if they could see the anguish
and misery in her eyes!
For an hour she danced and flirted, and
her laugh rang out as clearly and gaily
as ever. She was not the sort of girl to
wear her heart on her sleeve, and the
world should not know what she was suf
fering. But as soon as she could excuse her
self, she entered her carriage and went,
not home, but to the Weber mansion.
Winnie met her at the door, and looked
in surprise at her flushed face and
dishevelled hair.
"Take me to Allan !" cried Valerie,
bursting into tears. "Take me to him at
once !"
"Why, Valerie, are you crazy?"
"Take me to him, I say !" commanded
Valerie passionately ; and Winnie si
lently opened the library door and closed
it again, as Valerie passed in.
Allan Weber was lounging in a large
chair before tht fire, but he arose in sur
prise, as his visitor entered. "
"Allan !" cried Valerie in amazement,
aro you not ill? have you not the small
pox?" "No," said Allan, smiling, "it was all
a joke. But, Valerie, why did you
come?"
"I came to take care of you! I came
Oh, Allan, I came to tell you that I love
you, and to ask you to forgive me !"
And then poor Valerie became as
frightened over her proposal as Allan
had, a few months before, been over his:
and throwing herself on the same identi
cal sofa, sobbed as if her heart would
break ; but I think that sweet, brown
mustache knew how to kiss away tears, as
well as blushes.
And now, when'Allan's, children puzzle
him with questions concerning Leap
Year, lie always answersTjith a glance at
Valerie :
"My dears, you must ask your mother;
she knows all about it.".'
An old lady from the Virginia side
was in Washington, the other day, and,
having heard much of Brady photo
graphs, concluded she would go in
there and get her "likeness tuk," as she
expressed it. She was accompanied by
her daughter, a tall, gaunt young
woman. Mr. Brady, who is always very
polite to all his customers, took the old
lady himself into the operating room
and seated her in a chair. He stepped
away a moment and when he returned
he found the old lady carefuUy tucking
her clothes tight in and about her feet.
"What in the world are you doing that
for?" said Mr. Brady. "Well," an
swered the old lady, "I know when you
look through that thing there," pointing
to the camera, "I shall be standing on
my head and am getting ready for it."
Mr. Brady, after much trouble, suc
ceeded in convincing the old lady that,
though she might appear upside down
in the camera, her clothes would remain
in the proper position, and that tucking
them in and about her feet in that man
ner might interfere with the artistic
beauties of the photograph.
Why is the letter D like a sailor Be
cause it follows the C.
A Leap Year Proposal
Not many miles from San Juan not
more than fifteen resides a young
farmer, who is not more than twenty-five
years of age. He has considerable of the
requisite, the coin. Up to within a short
time he had led a lonely life, but thinks
to the year 1880, which has proved his
salvation, a young lady has proposed to
him and he is now enjoying her society
as a wife. The following is the way it
was brought about: The young man
had every qualification for a good busi
ness man, but, notwithstanding all this,
was extremely bashful and blushed clear
to his ears every time he caught sight of
a young lady. Moreover, he imagined
he was a fright to behold, and no girl
would condescend to look with favor
upon him. In fact it was his opinion
that he was destined to lead a single life
of blessedness all the days he might wan
der about this terrestrial sphere. One
day, however, he stopped at the house
where resided a lovely girl. She had
seen how shy he was on the occasion and
became infatuated with the peddler of
garden truck, and was determined that
the ice should be broken, as leap-year
had arrived, which gave her privilege in
tnis particular granted to the sterner
sex. The young lady, therefore, walked
up to him as he stood by the well, and,
calling the young man by his given
name, asked him why he did not get
married. He replied with characteristic
non-esteem that he didn't think anybody
would have him. "Why," replied the
young lady with great fervency, "I will
have you." The young man turned red
and stammered by turns, but finally did
manago to tell her "All right." Arrange
ments were made at once for the marriage
ceremony, and in less than a week they
were living together as man and wife,
happy as birds in a nest. San Juan
(Cal.) Herald.
Bibds Fbom Every Clime. The ca
nary birds bred in Germany not only
possess naturally a song of fine quality,
but quickly learn new ones as well as the
tricks which fanciers delight in. This is
said to be true especially of the Hartz
Mountain canaries. Those bred in the
viV;e of St. Andreasburg; where great
; exercised in the mating of choice
sp.oimens only, command attention by
the compass of the notes acquired. As
soon as they are old enough to be taken
from their nests their songs are cultivated
and multiplied in number by keeping
them in a room with a nightingale or
other songsters, whose song they learn
to imitate.
The bullfinch is a bird which has no
natural song, but is gifted with the abil
ity of imitating with some accuracy, in a
sweet, flute tone, any air repeatedly
whistled in its hearing. It is a great
favorite among collectors of birds. Its
training begins as soon as the birds are
taken from the nest. The tune it is
desired to imitate is whistled or played
on some instrument by the trainer sev
eral times during each day until it learns
to pipe the same.
Birds in favor just now as pets and
household ornaments are the numerous
family of finches, which are usually col
lected in one immense cage forming an
aviary of from twenty to thirty birds. To
Africa, Asia, Au&tralia and Japan we are
indebted for those little creatures com
monly known under the names of African
finches and Japanese nuns. These birds
seem to be thoroughly happy in each
other's society, and incline to sit in rows
packed closely together, their plumages
of various hues forming a rainbow effect.
Corvallis Gazette.
1 toga
2 "
3 "
BATES OF ADVERTISING.
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The Trials of an Engaged Girl.
After all, the yoke of marriage is an
apparatus that should sit on two pairs of
shoulders; and there is nothing very
seemly in seeing a girl wait to wear her
own 2art of it until it has been nicely
prdded with quilted satin. - Looking at
the matter from a less elevated point of
view, long engagements are rather tire
some in restricting the liberty of girls.
Miss Jenny, who is going to marry Mr.
Simpson as soon as that hopeful young
man o-pts a livinc innhliorori in t.lip mpftn- I
while to deny herself many pleasures,
lest Simpson should take offense, She
must eschew balls; she must take care
that nobody makes love to her; and for
this purpose she is obliged to let all
chance comers be speedily informed of
her engagement. Unhappily, the sym
holism of rings is always unregarded,
else the chance comers might discover
the fact for themselves by looking at the
second finger of Miss Jenny's left hand.
If Jenny has no sisters to talk of her be
trothal, and if her mother does not ac
cept timely hints to mention it on eyery
necessary occasion, or the engagement is
not announced in the Home Journal, the
girl is rather, embarrassed for words in
which to convey the news delicately to
strangers. She cannot allude to Mr.
Simpson as "Johnny" that would be
too familiar; she cannot speak of him
as "Simpson," for this would sound
strange; but if she refers to him fre
quently as "Mr. Simpson," strangers
might draw undesirable inferences from
her apparent familiarity with a person
thus coldly specified. Then the engaged
girl has to put up with a great deal of
chaff, which is only pleasing for a while,
and afterwards becomes intolerable. The
trials of matrimony are frequently com
mended to her impatient attention by
way of paternal rebuke: "Ah, my dear,
you will find out that I was right when
you are a wife yourself ! " and so forth ;
or a snub is put upon her too hasty wish
to consider herself free by the reminder
that she is not married yet, and that there
is many a slip between cup and lip.
Sometimes Simpson is actually held up
to her as a bogey: "My dear, I don't
think Mr. Simpson would quite approve
of your wearing that cherry ribbon;"
"Jenny, dear, I think Mr. Simpson would
be sadly grieved if he heard you express
those opinions;" or, "Jenny, I am sure
Mr. Simpson would not think it proper
that you should play croquet with Cap
tain Mallett." There is enough in all
this to make a girl sit down and scream.
Home Journal.
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A Cincinnati Horse Auction.
"Here, gentlemen," said the auc
tioneer, "is a horse "
Bystander Glad you told us it was .t
horse, or we might have taken it for it
sheep.
Auctioneer That wouldn't be so very
strange if it had your head on. You sea
before you, gentlemen, a family horse.
Bystander He got those bunches on
his knees from kneeling down at family
prayers, didn't he?
Auctioneer You'll never have any
bunches on your knees on that account.
A horse, gentlemen, that any family
might well be proud of. Look what an
eye he has.
Bystander What has become of the
other eye?
AuctioneeFr-Gpfie to look after an
other sach. foas you are. Like old
dog Tray, -jw' Ttou'fillijglidescribed by
the sweet singeijpf HlifihiJNT(siiging)
HeN eeuile and he's kind-
Bystander-S: the kind.
Auctioneer I
You'll never, never find
Bystander He would be fined by any
court in Christendom for spring-haltera-tions
and interfering generally.
Auctioneer
A better horse than this old gray.
Old gray horse is ever faithful,
etc. But we cannot waste our time on
poetry, although the noble steed before
you is the very poetry of motion. How
much for him? What do I hear?
Bystander Nothing, if you can't hear
more than he does.
Auctioneer Among horses, gentlemen,
this is the very ne plus ultra
Bystander Knock-nee-plus-ultra, you
mean.
Auctioneer And the sine qua non
Bystander Compos mentis.
Auctioneer The ridges you see run
ning down his eyes, gentlemen, are not
an indication of a want of flesh ; they are
simply a wise provision of Providence
for carrying off the rain-water.
Bystander What's the matter with his
tail?
Auctioneer He was formerly owned
by a violin manufacturer, and ha pulled
out all the hairs for fiddle bows. What
do I hear?
But we had heard enough to satisfy us
that our friend was right, and that it
was absurd to squander money on shows
set, long as these horse auctions are kept
up to their present high standard.
Odd Characters at Washington.
A character who up to a few months
ago was a daily visitor to the Capitol,
says the Washington Sun, was Colonel
Maurice Pinchover. This man has a
grievance. He seems to be haunted with
the phantom of Colonel Tom Scott, the
railroad king. He declares that Colonel
Scott years ago robbed him in a railroad
transaction, stole his money and reduced
him to penury. He carries with him
usually a tin case about two feet long and
six inches in diameter, in which is a
drawing of some land. One day last
summer, when the House was engaged in
an exciting political debate, Pinchover
came to the Capitol with a woolen shirt
saturated with blood, and which he de
clared was the shirt worn by him when
he was assaulted by Tom Scott on the
plains of Colorado. Pinchover also has
a claim. All that he has ever succeeded
in explaining is that it is a for a million
dollars, and is connected with a mine of
some kind, which Scott robbed him of.
At times he is dangerous. Journal Clerk
Smith on one occasion filled the tin case
he carries with mucilage. When Pinch
over ttiscovered it he became ungovern
able, and would have done Smith bodily
injury had he not fled incontinently out
of range.
Another persistent claimant who comes
to Congress every year is John C. Mc
Connell. His claim is for $17,260, and
has made its appearance in every Con
gress for years. It has for a basis the
alleged fact that the claimant rendered
service to the United States in recruiting
three hundred men in Maryland for a
Massachusetts regiment. Last summer
General Bragg, Chairman of the War
Claims Committee, in reporting adverse
ly upon it, said: "This claim has been
rejected at the War Department and the
Treasury Department when all the par
ties who knew of the transaction were
living, and the vouchers, now alleged to
have been lost, were in existence. It has
since been rejected by the Committee on
War Claims, and now presents itself to
this Committee, having onyy one merit
in its favor unblushing persistence. It
is time this raid on the Treasury should
cease. The Committee report adversely."
The Latest Dog Stoby. The sweet
est and most original study for a dog
story is given to the voracious exchange
scissors of the American press by the
Reading Times and Dispatch. The own
ers of the faithful hound are man and
wife, each sixty years of age. He was
born deaf and dumb, and she became
deaf when about six years old. He con
verses in the sign language, and she is
able to hold extended talks with a few
intimates by watching closely the move
ment of their lips. She also, somehow,
manages to answer callers' inquiries.
They have a pet dog that is an essential
element in their domestic lives. As
neither of the old people can hear, the
dog becomes by its superior instinct a
means of communication. When the
door bell rings it will go up to its mis
tress and pull her dress, then run before
her toward the door. The dog has
learned to know the time of the arrival
of the milkman who serves them, and
can actually distinguish the sound of the
milkman's bell. The dog will sit in the
attitude of attention, head up and ears
thrown forward, as soon as it catches th
first sound of the bell, and will wait till
the milkman has driven up in front of
the door before it moves. At the ringing
of the bell or gong, it will go to her, and
by signs or by pulling her dress an
nounce the milkman's arrival. She fully
understands its movements, and, pre
ceded by the dog, will go to the milk
wagon, obtain the day's supply, hold a
brief conversation with the man, and re
turn to her domestic duties. New Yoi
Tribune.