The Corvallis gazette., March 19, 1880, Page 4, Image 4

WEEKLY (JOB Y ALMS GAZETTE
CORVALLIS,
- MARCH 19, 1880.
THE WHITE MARE.
In the valley, about six miles above the
forks of the Teton river, in Northern
Montana, is theBlackfoot Indian Agency.
A high stockade of split logs standing on
end, deeply sunk in the earth, encloses
about two acres of ground. Heavy gates
opening outward sway harshly on great
hinges. They keep the Indians out o'
nights. A well of water is in the center of
the enclosure. Low log buildings, cov
ered with earth, are scattered along the
stockade. A couple of sand hill cranes
stood expectantly at the well, waiting pa
tiently for a thirsty man to draw water.
A white-tailed deer, with a broad, blue
ribbon on her neck, walked daintily
aroun 1. Her cool, black muzzle, studded
with drops of dew, brilliant in the slant
ing rays of the morning sun, was slyly
thrust into my hand, giving me a slight
shock of surprise. By the stables was a
cow moose, standing so awkwardly with
crooked legs and humped back and the
pendulous lip which Mark Twain calls
''the Hapsburg," that her very ugliness
excited my pity. A moose calf her
miniature in ugliness 3tood stupidly at
her side. Standing at the wall, facing
the gran 1 Roe!cy Mountain range, I drew
a bucket ot water. Drinking deeply, re
pulsing the while the advances of the fe
male crane with my moccasined foot, I
got the reward of all men who reject the
advances oi the tender sex, ana was soon
engaged in repelling a furious attack on
me bv the lonx-leeeed twain. The attack
was fierce. ' Their lone, hard bills
clashed viciously as they scornfully
scolded me, and I was on the point of
beating a disgraceful retreat when I
heard :
"Ho, Frank ! come have a mouthfull of
whisky !
Recognizing the voice, I gladly left the
cranes in undisputed possession of the
water bucket, and walked across the pa
rade to the store of the fur company.
Bidding Burr "Good morning,'' I de
clined the whisky on grounds unneces
sary to state; yet the barrel had a yellow
head, and and well, I knew the tap. I
sat and talked to Burr, who was in charge
of this extensive store, and before break
fast he went over it with me. A curious
stock. Everything you could not find in
an Eastern country store ws here. As
we walked he explained the business to
me. Alluring? Not at all. He, looking
at his watch, said :
"We have yet time before breakfast to
look at my mare."
The suddeu change in the expression
of the voice, the softening of the eyes,
as this hard Indian trader spoke of his
horse, excited my curiosity, and I went
with him. He took me to a low log
stable, the chinks carefully mudded, the
open shutter and door well made and
carefully fitted, so as to exclude the buf
falo gnats in season. A few short, heavy
chains extending from post to post, kept
the horse in and the other animals out.
With breast pushing against the top
most chain, with her handsome broad
head thrust out and her alert ears cocked
forward, stood a snow-white mare. She
was looking at the moose with a sur
prised expression on her face, as much as
to say : "Well, you have not grown hand
somer during the night." Burr whistled,
and with a joyful neigh the mare turned
her head toward him and bade him wel
come. The greeting between animal and
man was almost tender. The mare
rubbed her nose gently against his
breast, and the man stood softly stroking
her delicate neck. Unlocking the chains,
they dropped. Burr walked toward the
well. The mare, with dainty steps,
arched neck and flecking tail, followed
behind him, or caressingly advanced to
his side, rubbed her body against his, as
though the mere contact with the man
were grateful to her. His arm, it seemed
to me, instinctively raised and dropped
across her neck.
The two walked on together, uncon
scious of any incongruity. A bucket of
water stood at the well. The high -bred
creature smelt of it, and, detecting my
previous presence, disdainfully refused to
drink after me. Emptying the bucket,
Burr drew another, and of this the mare
drank slowly, her white face gradually
sinking into the shallow vessel. All
across the parade on the return to the
stable the love scene was re-enacted. As
they passed me, the mare showed her
aversion to a stranger by laying back her
ears and thrusting out her wbite-toothed
muzzle toward me in a vicious manner,
causing me to step hastily back. They
pass into the darkness of the stable.
Burr comes out with a bucket, puts up
the topmost chain, and goes after barley.
The mare, with outstretched head, looks
after him with kind eyes. Again she
8iw me, and with wide-opened mouth
reached aiound the post to pay me the
attention of her dislike. Returning to the
stable with a full bucket of barley, Burr
passed in. I heard him pour the grain
into the feed-box; I heard him speak to
the mare as his "dear girl," aud I heard
him kiss her!
A singular gentleness had come over
this hard man, steeled to human suffering
and woe. He sat at the breakfast table,
silently thinking, with his antelope
steaks and trout untasted before him.
Watching the softened face, I wondered
what was the story. So 1 asked :
"Burr, why do you love that white
mare?"
He looked kindly at me, and, with a
sad smile, replied :
"To-night, after the men are in bed, I
will tell you the story. Eat, my boy, then
clear out and fish or hunt. You will find
some fool hens in the big willow thicket
about five miles below here. I saw some
the other day. Shoot some. To-night
we will have a feast, and I will opon my
two last bottles of sherry, and we will
talk."
His face hardened. The cold, deadly
look returned to the gray eye, and our
breakfast was soon finished.
Shouldering my ride, I stepped out of
the stockade, aud slowly walked down
the valley. On the distant hillsides ante
lopes grazed; down the valley before me
I could see a few deer running for cover
to the willows by the stream. Now and
then a grouse rose before me and flew
rapidly away. Resisting all temptation
to shoot at anything. I walked steadily
on. Climbing a hill, I sat on a red rock
and musingly gazed at the vast plains to
the northeast, at the foothills of the
range and at the rugged rocky range be
yond. 1 love the Rocky Mountains, and
never tire of their face. I wasted hours
in looking and in thinking of the many
tales I had heardfgf th range. When
the sun was high aBfcve tne- 1 started for
the willows. There I nearly shot the
heads off of six gtwuse. ' Then, jointing
a light tr'iut pole, JW hipped the clear
pools of the South Fork of the Teton, and
was soon rewarded by a string of fine
half-pound trout.
Then came the pleasant walk back
through the cool, dry air nd over the
crispy grass of the north. What a luxury
life watt iu the valley of the Teton! I'
turned ray spoils over to the smiling In
dian woman who acted as cook for Burr.
The rest of the day I spent on horseback,
running uutelope with a lot of half-blood
Indians At 8 o'clock supper was served
and eaten, the sherry was brought oat,
and I scattered on the table a handful
mv last jf Rosa Conchas that had never
paid duty, and as we sat smoking Burr
told me this story :
In the fall of 1808 l thought it might be
profitable to start a trading post in the
Yellowstone Vallev. Learning from the
Biackfeet that the Sioux were camped on
the south side of the river, I determined
to ride over and see what arrangements
I could make with them. I crossed the
Belt Mountains, and, riding down the
valley, was soon at their camp, I on the
north side of the river, they on the south.
I sat on my horse and hailed the camp.
"No answer.
"I could tiee plenty of Indians walking
about, and again I hailed.
"No answer.
"I shouted myself hoarse, and the only
notice taken of me was by an old buck,
who walked to the river bank, looked at
me, made an insulting gesture and slowly
walked off. I went there to trade, and
having got angry at the treatment, though
I well knew that I ought to leave the val
ley at once, I, like a fool, resolved to
cross the stream and brave the danger, so
I forded it and rode into the camp. I
spoke to no one; no one spoke to me.
The sullen braves turned their backs on
me as I rode up the street. The young
girls looked curiously at me. Riding
slowly along, I cooled rapidly. I saw
that I was not wanted, and I fully realized
that I was in danger. I did not dare tp
ride to the south, out of the camp, nor did
I have courage enough to attempt to re
cross the river.
"Before me stood a great tent made of
buffalo skins, it was the largest 1 had
seen. I halted, dismounted and stood si
lently at my horse s nead. JNo one no
ticed me. Indians went past me, appar
ently not seeing me. At last a young
woman came and stood before me. .Look
ing right into my eyes, she said :
.' ' What do vou want V
"I looked her coldly in the face and
made no reply. Smiling, she asked:
" 'What brings vou here?'
"Steadily I gazed into her eyes, and was
voiceless.
"She left me and disappeared into the
great lodge.
"Soon an Indian warrior, in full paint
came to me. Speaking Blackfoot, he said :
'Why are you in this camp r
"To him I replied:
" 'I wish to trade with you.'
"More men came. They took my
horse, and, seizing hold of my arcus, they
led me into the lodge. Here 1 was seated,
and a council was held. I sat and lis
tened to them talk of what was best to do
with so presumptions a white man. Some
were in favor of trading. The large ma
jority of the Indians were in favor of kill
ing me. It was soon decided that I
should be tortured, and they sat and dis
cussed the various methods.
"After a two days' talk they decided to
burn me. I was in a strange condition
mentally. I would listen to a plan of
torture as though it were some other man
they were talking about, and I would
comment to myself on that plan as giving
the chap but little chance tor his lite
but when the dusky brave who talked
Blackfoot told me that I was to die by fire
the next day, I understood perfectly that
1 was ttie man they had been talking
about, and I replied :
" 'I know it.'
"Clustering aronnd me, they asked if I
had understood all the talk.
' 'Yes; I had.'
" 'Then why not answer the maiden
when she spoke to you?'
" 'I came not to talk with squaws, but
to trade with men.
"No use; I could gain nothing by soft
talk, and, having piayed my hand, finally
resigned myself to my fate.
"I noticed that the girl who had first
spoken to me in front of the lodge, was
watching me. fehe would quickly glance
at me, and then drop her eyes on the
buckskin shirt she was embroidering
with Crow hair. Several times 1 noticed
this, aud once I replied with a smile.
The lodge emptied. All were gone ex
cept the girl, who came quickly to my
side apparently to refold some buffalo
robes, and in a whisper said :
" 'You are to die to-morrow. To-night
I will have the best horse in the camo
saddled and standing on the outside of
the lodge. You jump through, mount,
and ride for your life. You may escape.
You will burn if you stay.
'Then with a smile:
" 'The mare is mine. She is the fastest
animal in the valley of the Yellowstone.
I give tier to you
' She left me and quickly resumed her
work. As she wove the hair of the many
Crow scalp-locks into the shirt, I sat look
ing thankfully at her. She never looked
at me again. I saw a chance for my life;
my heart beat so loudly that I thought it
would be heard; I calmed my face and
waited; I ate fairly of supper; I smoked a
pipe; all were very kind and attentive to
me.
"Night was passing away, and still the
Indians lingered, looking at the man they
were to burn on the morrow. I leaned
back against the tent to rest myself, when
I felt a hand gently pushing nie forward.
Sitting whistling, I felt the point of a
knife come through and strike my neck.
I did not flinch; I could feel the blood
trickle down my back; I could feel the
knife carefully drawn until it hit the
ground. Still whistling, I waited, my
heart thumping, my blood on fire waited
a minute to give whoever cut the tent
time to escape. Then, grasping my heart
and nerves for an instant, I gathered my
self and turned backward through the
opening.
'Instantly jumping to my feet, I
vaulted into the saddle that was on the
white horse that stood there, and, in the
midst of yells, rifle shots, a pack of howl
ing dogs, we rushed out of the camp. It
seemed to me as though a hundred horse
men were in pursuit of me instantly. We
galloped up the river to a bend" I had
seen. Dashing in, we forded it under a
fire that made the water boil around us,
and were out of the water and on the
level land to the north of the river before
anv of the Sioux were half way "across.
Striking the trail to the Bozeinan Pass, I
took it, and knowing it, 'pushed boldly
on, and, though hotly pursued, my horse
outlasted theirs, and I escaped. I never
drew rein until I dismounted to the west
of the pass.
"The girl saved me. With any other
horse I should have been recaptured
and burned. I have not got the girl.
The love I have for her the mare has
instead. I returned to my post, and made
no trade in the Yellowstone that year.
"Again. List winter the snow was on
the ground in January, and for three
days I had been hunting or running an
telope. The sun was very bright, and my
eyes hurt me. I saw specks floating
about. Little chains with small links
were constantly before me. My eyes
were burning smartly when I returned to
the Agency. Daily, while hunting, I
had seen the low black clouds in the
north that indicate the formation or mar
shaling of the winds of the frozen north.
Daily the south wind swept them beyond
the northern horizon; but the next morn
ing found them looming portentously in
the northern sky.
"On my return to the Agency I found
a runner had just got in from the Belly
river, in British America, with important
news for me. It was necessary that I
should go at once. I started the next j
morning, my eyes hurting dreadfully.
"1 always go to rae Belly river, when
the snow, is on the ground, by way of the
Sweet Grass Hills, and there I camp one
night. One side of the hills is always
bare of snow, and there is a spring of
water on the northern side of the center
hill.
"A strong south wind was blowing
when I started, but by noon I saw the
clouds of the north suddenly rise up. I
knew that the marshaling of the north
winds was completed, and they were
eager for the assault on the soft south
wind. On came the black cloud. The
south wind still blew fiercely, but it could
not stem the assault from the Arctic re
gion. Birds flew south before the storm,
antelope and deer were running for
shelter.
"I had reached my camping-ground and
stood looking far off to the north, seeing
the landmarks disappear one by one as
the head of the blizzard reached them
in its icy breath. A calm; then, with a
mighty rush and a loud noise the head of
the blizzard swept past me. The air was
filled with particles of ice that cut through
almost horizontally, and seemed as though
they would never fall.
"Colder, ever colder, grew the wind,
and denser the air as the icy particles
thickened. I sought shelter in the rocks.
Buckling the lothing to the mare, I
turned her loose, knowing that she would
not leave me. Then I lay down on my
blanket, and, wrapping my blankets
around me, I tried to sleep.
"I began thinking, and could not sleep.
The buffalo had not come south this win
ter, and the wolves were gaunt and hun
gry. As they follow a horseman over the
plains in summer, so they do in winter,
ouly more of them, and those great, gaunt
famine breeders, the gray and black ones,
go in largely increased numbers. I had a
pack of them at my heels all day, and
now they cropped up in my thoughts.
"Finally I slept. When I awoke it was
dark. Holding up my hand, I felt the icy
sweat of the blizzard strike snarply
against it. The roar of the wind still con
tinued. I could not go to sleep again, and
lay waiting for dawn. I waited, itseemed
to me, for houts, when I sudden'' felt my
mare naw mv breast. I spoke kindly to
her, saying she had made a mistake.
Soon she pawed me again, and I arose to
find that all was dark that I could not
see the white mare.
"Alarmed, I struck a match under my
cloak and looked down to see the blaze.
I saw nothing, but the match burned my
fingers. With a desolating despondency
I realized the fact that the glare of the
snow encountered for the past few days
had made me snow-blind; that 1 was htty
miles from the nearest house. and unable
to see; that a furious storm was raging.
"Stupid, almost wild with horror, I
thought I could hear the snuffing of the
wolves, and the soft natter of their feet
below the wildshriek of the Arctic winds.
I was simply benumbed with terror.
With my eyesight in full power I should
have thought the situation dangerous.
As it was. I considered it hopeless.
"The mare recalled me to myself by
rubb;ng her cold muzzle against my face.
She saw that something was wrong with
me. but what, she could not comprehend.
I resolved to saddle her, to feed her, and,
after she ate, to mount and let her take
her own course. So I fed her the remain
ing measure of barley and waited for her
to eat. Then I saddled up, and, without
bridling, mounted, and, wrapping my
cloak around me, sat steadily in the sad
dle, awaiting the frisky action of the
high-strung horse. She stood trembling
until I told her to go. Then I felt her
turn until the ice-drops feil obliquely on
my right side and back, and she rapidly
walked off.
"Wrapped in my cloak, with hood
drawn over my face, war"! and encour
aged with hope, I patiently sat on the
horse. I could now hear the snarling of
the wolve-, and my only fear was that
they, rendered desperate by hunger,
might attack the mare. I dismissed the
thought would not think of it. If they
did attack us, we were lost; if they did
not, I thought we were safe.
"All day the blizzard raged and tore
icily around and on us. The mare walked
rapidly or cantered slowly on. It seemed
to me that we had been traveling on for
days for weeks, even when the mare
stopped and neighed loudly. Reaching
forward, I felt the rough stockade. Dis
mounting, I felt the hinges of the gate.
Loudly I called; then I took my rifle from
the saddle and rapidly handled cartridges
into it. At last a sleepy voice from the
inside called :
" 'Who is there?'
"I answered : 'Burr and I am snow
blind. Come to me.' They came, and I
was saved saved for the second time by
the white mare.
"Do you wonder that I, not having the
Sioux maiden, love her mare ?"
I sat by the bright fire with my feet
high on a stool and did not answer
simply sat and smoked, and thought of
the girl, of the man, of the mare. Leav
ing me thinking, Burr went to sleep in
his chair with a softened face.
Execution of Domestic Animals.
According to the Roman law, if a man
was hurt by a tame animal. as bv a vicious
horse or a dangerous bull, the owner af
forded satisfaction by the surrender of
the animal. The same rule extended to
a man's slave, and also to his son, both
of whom were regarded by the Roman
law as his chattels. The Burgundian
medieval law enacted that, where one
tame animal was hurt by another, the of
fending animal was to be surrendered.
It was a medieval practice in Germany
and Scandinavia to hang wolves and dogs
with a criminal, as a symbollio mark of
disgrace, and as an aggravation of his
punishment. Saxo Grammaticus states
that the association of wolves at the
hanging of the criminal was an ancient
punishment for parricide; and in Ger
many the custom of hanging dogs with
the sufferer was particularly applied to
the Jews. Rororius, a Papal Nunico at
at the Court of Hungary, in the sixteenth
century, wrote and published a treatise
to prove that animals are rational, and
that thoy can make a better use of their
reason than man. It this work he stated
that it was customary in Africa to crucify
lions, in order to deter them from enter
ing towns, and he had himself seen two
wolves hung from a gibbet in a forest
between Cologne and Juliers, as an ex
ample to other wolves. The Roman
custom of annually crucifying dogs, on
account of their failure to give the alarm
when the capital was scaled by the Gauls,
must be considered as a commemorative,
not a penal infliction. It way be ob
served that animals, though conscious of
the idea of danger without which they
would not preserve their lives are des
titute of the idea of death; and that the
infliction of death upon one animal would
not operate by way of example upon
another animal. The same remark may,
indeed, be extended to all punishments
inflicted upon animals. A whipping ad
ministered to one dog is no warning to
another dog. All punishments of animals
must, in order to be operative, be indi
vidual, and hence the capital punishment
of an animal is an absurdity, because it
extinguishes the life of the only animal
upon which the punishment can operate.
The Russian Boy al Family.
The "hen party" is a courtly German
institution. If a lady of sovereign status,
or of royal or imperial blood, is traveling
incognito, she cannot properly be invited
to any but a "hen party." If she is in
distress of mind and expecting hourly to
learn of a death of a father or a mother,
there would be nothing to shock good
frous were she to seek a derivative at a
sociable -'hen" gathering. The Duchess
of Edinburgh has not yet called on Mine.
Grevy. Her excuse for not being more
attentive to the President's wife is the
dying state of the Emperor of Russia
But she has gone to a second "hen party"
at the house of the Countess de Pour
tales, who was born and brought up at
the Robertson Castle, near Strasbourg,
and knew intimately the Hesse Darm
stadt family, to whom the Duchess of Ed
inburgh is so closely related. Indeed,
this house owes to the grandfather of the
Countess its grand ducal rank, which, on
a report he made, was conferred by Na
poleon. There were only married ladies
asked to meet the Duchess, and feminine
musicians hired to sing and play before
her Highness. Mme. de Pourtales is a
rank Bonapartist. She only invited,
therefore. Bonapartist ladies, some of
whom were of Slay origin. There were,
for instance, Mme. de Courval, nee Bib
esco, who gives the fastest routs in Paris,
and Mme. Brancovano, nee Ghika. Tea
was handed round. The work-table was
introduced, and there was much chit-chat
about fancy fiddle-faddle for babies' wear,
furniture embroidery in needle-work,
knick-knaeks for bazars, and about the
Warsaw point laces, which are greatly
patronized at the Hotel Lambert when
manufactured by Polish ladies.
The Duchess of Hesse-Darmstadt is a
stout German woman, and is gay and
good-natured to those about her, but she
has a domineering will, and does not bear
contradiction. The Duke has been re
duced to play second fiddle to her, liter
ally as well as metaphorically. He is the
consort and not she; and, as their family
increases he becomes very stay-at-home,
and a vigilant house steward. Both he
and she are passionately fond of music,
aud their eldest daughter already plays
very charmingly airs arranged for little
hands on the piano.
This branch of the roval familv of
England is the least English. They are
always "on the wing," and are brought up
by the mother with a itusso-tiermau Dias.
The Duke is a Russian, as well as an
English Admiral, and draws his pay reg
ularly from the British and Russian treas
uries. He is a Colonel of a German regi
ment, for which he also draws salary, and
will be a feudatory hereafter of Emperor
William, tor ue is the neir presumpu ve to
the Grand Duke Ernest, of Saxe-Coburg-Gotha.
In case he succeeds to the Grand
Duchy, and to the palaces, parks and
chases attached to the title, his English
pension will drop. On the principle of
making hay while the sun shines, he dil
igently checks home accounts and puts by
money- He loves music because a born
musician. Besides, playing the violin to
the piano forte accompaniment for the
Duchess is a cheap pastime, and keeps
them "at home" when she is abroad.
In England she will not go anywhere
from a tear of having to give precedence
to the Queen's younger daughters, none of
whom made brilliant matches, it also an
noys her to have to walk behind the
Princess of Wales, whose father was at
once the creation and the creature of the
Czar Nicholas. It will be time enough
when she is Grand Duchess, with a nom
inally sovereign crown, to go to the drawing-rooms
at Buckingham Palace, when
the Marchoness of Lome and the Prin
cess Beatrice will be obliged to yield prec
edence to her. But against the Uncle
Ernest dies her Royal Highness will be in
the situation of "the little woman who
lived in a shoe." Her nursery fills with
alarming rapidity. It seems but yesterday
since she was a bride. There is now a
carriage full of babies, which is driven
every morning in the Bois de Boulogne.
The Duke precedes the callow offspring in
a brougham, with an aid-de-camp at his
side, and a large family barouche contain
ing nurses and babies brings up the rear.
The last time the royal infants were in
Paris there were two of them not of an
age to be spoon-fed. It is a good thing
for British taxpayers that on the death of
the Grand Duke of Saxe-Coburg the Edin
burgh branch will have no further claims
upon John Bull.
DISTRUSTING THE CZAR.
The .Duchess, I am told, has come from
the south of France laden with jewel
caskets which her dying mother brought
with her from St. Petersburg. The Em
press was afraid that if she died the Em
peror would give them to his present fa
vorite, who may hereafter be raised to the
throne. Mesalliances are not rare in the
history of the Imperial family of Russia.
Catherine I. was a peasant, and the eldest
son of the Czar was disinherited and shut
up in a monastery to make way for her
son. Anne, of Holstein Gottorp, who was
Dutchess of Courland before she came in
for the throne of all the Rwsias, was in
love with Marshal Saxe, the great grand
father of George Sand, and the natural
son of August ot Saxony and Aurora Kon
igsmark. They were betrothed to each
other, ami would have been married had
not an accidental circumstance brought to
light an amorous adventure of the rough-
and-ready soldier. While courting Duch
ess Anne, then heir apparent to the crown
of Muscovy, he conceived a passion for a
maid of honor. The pair used to meet in
a garden-house, and their flirtation went
on many months. But as they were in the
nrysting place on an October night, frost
set in. in trying to return to the palace
they bad several falls, and in the court
yard the maid of honor broke her arm,
and Marshal Saxe his leg. Pain obliged
them to cry out for help, The adventure
came to the ears of the Duchess, who in
structed her courtieis to play rough
pranks on her suitor, whom, when he
asked for an explanation, she dismissed
with contumely.
The Duke and Duchess of Edinburgh
have al o been entertained at dinner by
Lord Lyons. The Duchess of Manchester.
Prince Oiloff and the different members
of the British Embassy wc-ro asked to
meet them. Her Imperial ami Royal
Highness, when last at Cannes, made a
nilgrimuge to the mortuary chapel of her
eldest brother, the Czarewitch Nicholas,
who died there in 18(i;i. It is a small By
zauline ttructure. A carpet worked in
Berlin wool and ordinary cross-stitch is
spread before the altar. The pattern of
this piece of decorative needle-work is
common, and the coloring is crude.
Around the chapel there is a pleasure
ground p' anted with cypress and myrtle.
When the latter is in blossom, flowering
sprays p.ucked from It are sent to the
Empress, whose heart was wrapped up in
ber eldest son.
Said a parent to his little son, who had
committed some act of indiscretion. "Do
you know that I am going to whip you?"
"I suppose you are, because you are
bigger than I am."
Life is made up of little things, in
which smiles and kindnesses given
habitually are what win and preserve the
heart and secure comfort.
Twas a very small boy, and his birth
day came on a recent Sunday. "Is it
wicked to be born on Sunday?" inquired
he of 'his mother. "No; but it keeps
your father home from church'
Eli Perkins on Lying.
Now, my friends, there has been a
good deal said about lying in this coun
try lately. I confess that I have been
called a great liar myself. In fact the
lyre has been struck a great many times.
Laughter. J You remember that Henry
Watterson, of the Louisville Courier
Journal, said publicly on the steps of the
hotel at Saratoga last summer that he
was personally acquainted with three of
the biggest liars the biggest living liars
in the world, and when they asked him
who they were he said : " George Alfred
Townsend is one and Eli Perkins is the
other two." Great laughter. Now,
my friends, speaking of lying, I maintain
that all great humorists are great liars,
and that the funniest men have always
been the biggest liars. But I do not say
vice versa that all great liars are great
humorists. If this were the case, then
the lawyers would be the funniest men in
the world. Laughter. The lie, to be
funny, must be purely innocent it must
be told to make our fellow-men happy,
and to harm no man, or it must be told
to make wrong ridiculous, as did "Don
Quixote," " Ginx's Baby," and the sa
tires of Juvenal and Dean Swift. In fact,
the lie told must be an innocent Baron
Munchausen lie. If the old humorists
were not great liars, then Dean Swift's
" Tale of a Tub" was a true story, Gulli
ver's travels were as true as Moody's ser
mons, Thackeray's "Yellow Plush Pa
pers" were Sunday school tracts, and
Baron Munchausen's four hundred gi
gantic lies were as true as Macaulay's
History of England. Almost all fun is
exaggeration, all exaggerating is lying.
Mark Twain is a fearful liar. Show me
a single troth in Max. Adeler's "Elbow
Room." Artemus Ward's works are pure
fictions, pure lies, with no satire, but
told simply to produce innocent 1 ugh
ter. Laughter cannot be produced with
out acting, painting or writing and exag
geration in plain English, without act
ing, painting or writing an innocent lie.
The humorous artist, the caricaturist like
John Leech and Cruikshank, had no
other element but the lie to draw upon to
produce laughter. They hod to make
a long nose, a big ear, a
crooked leg, or a cock-eye. No
one ever laughed at a true picture.
man really looked as Cruik
John Leech painted him, we
would shed tears at his mournful condi
tion. If a real man acted like Don
Quixote, we would weep at his misfor
tunes. Sometimes people laugh at a
great truth, for truth is often stranger
(sounds like a bigger lie) than fiction.
This has always been my great trouble.
Laughter. I have generally told such
great, strange truths, that the people
would laugh because they thought it was
a lie. So I have got the reputation of
being a worldly-minded humorist, when,
in fact, I am a great truth-teller; to il
lustrate: One night I was telling about
the big trees in California. I said I rode
into a big hollow tree, on horeback, and
then walked out through the knot-holes.
Laughter. The people laughed be
cause they thought it was a lie, when, in
fact, it was the truth. The trees are
thirty -five feet in diameter, and the hole
through them is twelve feet in diameter
as wide through as a barn-door. To il
lurtrate what I mean, by an innocent
Baron Munchausen story: I had an Un
cle William once, who got caught in a
fearful rain storm one night when he was
on the way to attend a prayer meeting at
New London, Connecticut. He started
for New London on horseback, but when
he got about half-way there, there arose
a dreadful storm. The wind blew a hur
ricane, the rain poured in torrents, the
lightning gleamed through the sky, and
my uncle got in behind a large barn.
But in a moment the lightning struck
that barn and knocked it into a thousand
splinters, and sent his horse whirling
over into a neighboring corn-patch.
"What did you do then, Uncle William?"
I asked. "Well," said he, "I didn't
hardly know what to do. I was very much
discouraged, but to tell you the honest
truth the honest Connecticut truth, Eli,
I went right out into the cornfield, took
off mycoat, humped up my bare back,
and took eleven strokes of lightning right
on my bare backbone, drew the lightning
all out of the sky, and then got onto my
horse and got into New London in time
to lead at the evening prayer meeting."
Uproarious laughter. J Globe Democrat.
A Chinese Hotel.
If a live
shank or
Hotels vary in China, and one or two
in Manchuria have an air of spacious
dignity about them, and rooms that are
bright and fairly kept; and some are
worse than that we entered now, for we
are on a high road where foreigners are
becoming frequent. At the upper end
there was a small building for superior
guests. It was divided into three com
partments, with earthen floors; the eat
ing den had a broken table and a broken
chair; the other two were for sleeping,
and a lamp cast a dim light into the dark
ness a tiny wick that floated in a sea of
oil in an iron saucer crusted with the dirt
of centuries. A meal under such circum
stances was not exhilerating. The beef
we had carried with us was so manipu
lated in the cooking that it looked exact
ly like a dish of caterpillars; there was
egg plant stewed in pork broth but pigs
and dogs are the scavengers of China;
there was seasoning of sea-slugs (at
three shillings a pound) axA of other
condiments that were spread at an open
window in reach of the cook's brawny
arm ; there were messes in bowls, balls of
soft cakes like putty from a glazier's
shop, and there was mnsty rice. The
trusty Li changed the uneaten courses
with evident concern, and at lost carried
in triumph hot water for the tea, but
against the bowls which he suggested for
tea-cups, lip, nose and stomach revolted,
and we withdrew to bed, oold and sup
perless, like naughty children. The mat
trass was stretched upon the hollow
brick counter which served as a bed
stead, and underneath which we forbade
the usual fire, afraid of what the heat
might bring forth. We shivered through
the early hours of the night with our feet
to the bare, repulsive wall, and our head
to the passage. In the dull light it
seemed as if hideous things crept along
the ceiling, shining things crept along
the walls, and crawling things gnawed
among the paper and straw on the floor;
and as we dozed and watched, the mules
munched outside and, and the porters
talked, and the querulous song of some
gayer spirit rose above the other voices.
There was a patter of little feet, a squeak,
a rat, more rats. They sometimes fall
down through the thin ceiling, a friend
said. We could stand it no longer. The
"Hall of ten thousand Felicities" had
become a "Temple of Horrors;" and in
the third watch of the night we had taken
to the road once more, and saw, below
the frosty stars, the lamps of other carts
03 they sparkled over the plain. Good
Words.
His Humble Opinions.
The other night about ten o'clock, a
constable who was walking up Maple
street on business, was halted by a weak
looking man, who was a bit agitated. The
officer suspected a family row, but it
didn't turn out that way.
The little man asked him to step
around the corner and take a look at a
certain house; and the officer stepped. It
was an unoccupied house, and as they
halted before it the citizen said:
"It is my humble opinion that there
is no family in here, and that a water
pipe has bursted. I dislike very much
to see any one's property damaged if I
can prevent it."
Sure enough, there was two feet of
water in the cellar, and more rushing in.
"It is my humble opinion," remarked
the little man, as the two looked through
the cellar window, "that some thief has
cut off the pipe and the drain is stopped
up. Perhaps you don't want to see the
property damaged?"
The constable didn't. In his philan
thropy he decided to open the drain, and
the little man having procured a candle,
the officer waded in water up to his
knees; poked around for ten minutes with
a stick, and finally opened the drain.
"Now, then, it is my humble opinion
that we ought to plug up the pipe," ob
served the little man.
And the officer drove a plug into it, at
the expense of a shower bath which wet
him all over.
"A good job a good job!" chuckled
the citizen; "but, seeing that you are
certain to be down in the morning; it is
my humble opinion that you had better
call at the water-office and leave word to
have the water shut off."
The officer agreed. Next morning, as
he went past the office, a red rag around
his neck and a cold in his head, he left
the messsage and learned that the house
belonged to the little man of humble
opinions. If the constable catches him op
the street some dark night !!!
Detroit Free Press.
Opposition to Early Railroads.
When the Central Railroad was in its
infancy, the company experienced con
siderable trouble with landowners,
whose property had been taken by ap
praisal, at or near Tribe s Hut. It was
with great difficulty that trains could
pass, although a vigilant watch was kept
up. Men with a hand-car were sta
tioned at the curve leading into Tribe's
Hill from the east, and, when they heard
the evening train coming west, they
would put on the hand-car just as near
ahead of the approaching train as they
dared, and run ahead of the train into
the station; but between the hand-car
and the train the track would be literally
strewn with stones, rails and all manner
of obstructions, which were thrown down
from the heights above, so that the train
would have to stop and clear the track
(each train carried men for that purpose)
and then proceed at a snail's pace into
the station. Then again the tracks were
piled with huge heaps of straw, and the
engineer would stop and find nothing
but straw. It was usually thought that
the straw business was only a scare, but
about the first time he attempted to run
through without stopping, he encoun
tered a huge bowlder in the center
Thus matters went on from bad to worse
an attempt was made to burn one of the
company s bridges near this station.
This was so highly criminal, and it was
made so hot for some persons, that bos
turtles ceased. Upon one occasion,
George Cox, who, with his brothers Tom
and Maxwell, well known up and down
the valley as locomotive engineers, was
watching the track near Tribe's Hill with
a shotgun, with instructions to shoot the
first man he saw placing obstructions on
the track. It was quite dark, and at a
short distance from him he saw two men
carry something large and heavy and
place it on the track. His first impulse
was to shoot, and he hauled up, but he
hated to take human life, and he thought
he would steal upon them and see who
they were. He did so, and found that
they were two travelers who had come
from the canal with their chest to take
the train, and being tir d, hod set it
down to rest. Am iterdam Democrat.
Youth will never live to age unless
they keep themselves in breath with ex
ercise and in heart with joyfulness.
Rupture
JOB PRINTING.
-THE
Gazette Job Printing House
IS NOW PREPARED TO DO
Plain and Ornamental Printing,
As neat and Cheap as it can be done by any
Office on the Coast.
bill Beads,
Letter Heads
Hole beads.
Ma euaeats,
Programmes,
Ball Tickets.
Invitations
Circulars,
Itulaes Cards,
Visiting Cards,
f !
Dodgers,
braall fosters.
envelopes.
Legal Blanks'
Bank Notes,
blpplng Receipts,
Order Hooks,
Hum,
Tags.
.ic, Ete.
T-Ordera by mail promptly filled. Esti
mates furnished.
AUGUST KNIGHT,
CABINET MAKER,
Blue fishing-anything.
-When you don't catch
UNDERTAKER
Cor. Second and Monroe SU.,
COKTiUIS, OBMOB.
Keeps constantly on hand all kinds of
FURNITURE
COFFINS AND CASKETS.
Work done to order on short notice, mat
at reasonable rates.
Corvallis. Jan. 1. 1877. U:1U
Prom a Hcreh tat.
T Dayton, W. T., Feb. 10, 1879.
IV. J. Home. T'rm.riMn r..i:r... :
Truss Co., 702 Market street, San Francisco Sir:
iub xrusa i purcnasea ot you about one year ago
has Droved a miracle to mo i i. ....... i ..
r - u ruptur
ed lorty years, and worn dozens of different kinds
v. uuc9,iui oi wmcn nave ruineil my health,
as they were injurious to my back and spine
Your valuable Truss is as easy as an old shoe, and
is worth hundreds of dollars to me, as it affords
me so much pleasure. I can and do advise all,
both ladies and gentlemen, afflicted, to buy and
wear your modern improved Elastic Truss imme
diately. I never expect to be cured, but am
satisfied and happy with the comfort it gives me
to wear it It was the best $10 1 ever invested in
n,y l'fe- You can refer any one to me, and I
will be ttlad to answer any letters on its merrits.
I remain, yours respectfully,
D. 1). Bunnell.
Latest Medical Endorsements.
Martinez, Cal., Feb. 17, 1879.
W. J. Heme, Proprietor California Elastic
Truss Co., 7li2"Market street, S. F. Sir: In re
gard to your California Elastic Truss, I would say
thatl haveearefully studied its mechanism, ap
plied it iu practice, and do not hesitate to say
that for all purposes for which Trusses are worn
it is the best Iruss ever ottered to the public
Yours truly, J. H. Carotiiek", M D.
BadrSAd toy u promineut Me.lic 1 In
still te.
, r, San Francisco, March 8. 1879.
W. J. Home, Esq. Sir: You ask my opinion
of the relative merits of your Patent Elastic
Truss, as compared with other kinds that have
been tested under my observation, and iu reply 1
frankly state that from the time my attention
was first called to their simple, though highlv
mechanical and philosophical construction, to
gether with easy adjustibility to persons of all
ages, forms or sizes. I add this further testimony
with special pleasure, that the several persons
who have applied to me for aid in their special
cases of rupture, and whom I have advised to use
yours, all acknowledge their entire satisfaction,
and consider themselves highly favored by the
possession of the improved Elastic Truss.
Yours truly, Barl w J. Siixn, M. D.
Proprietor Hygienic Medical Institute,
635 California street, San Francisco.
A REMARKABLE CURE.
San Francisco, Oct 26, 1879
W. J. Home, Proprietor California Elastic
Truss. 702 Marker, street Snn ir, a:. r
, . ... , ...... . tuuvioif 1 1 1 L
your valuable truss has effected on my little bov.
It... 1.1- . r .1 i ... J . y.
uc uuuuiB uuss i purcnasea irom you nas rKK
FECTLY CURED him of his painful rupture on
both sides in a little over six months. 1'he steel
truss he had before I bought yours caused him
cruel torture, and it was a happy day for us all
when he laid it aside for the CampuRni a Elastic
Truss. I am sure that all will be thankful who
are providentially led to give your truss a trial.
You may refer any one to me on this subject
Yours truly, Wm. Pkru,
C38 Sacramento Street.
This is to crtify that I have examined the son
of Wm Peru, and find him PERFECTLY
CURED of Hernia on both sides.
L. Dexter Lvkord, M. D.
Surgeon and Physician.
Trusses forwarded to all parts of the United States
at our expense on receipt of price.
Send Stump for 1 1 las rated Catalogue
and Frleo 1.1st.
Giving full information and rules for measuring.
California Elastic Truss Co.
702 Market Street, S. F.
HALL'S
F- & LOCK COMPANY,
'.'1"IIAL ... 1,000,000.
(iencral ( dices mid .W a ;iu factory
CINCINNATI, OHIO.
Pacific Branch,
No. 210 Sansome St., S. F
Agencv for Oregon and Washington Territory,
with HAWLEY, DODD fc CO., Portland.
II ALL'S I' l l EST CONCRETE
FIRE-PROOF SAFES.
Iliive been tested by the most disastrous confla
grations in the country.
They arc thoroughly fire proof.
They are free from dampness.
Their snperiorily is beyond question.
Although a bout'l 50,000 of these safes are now
in use, and huudreds have been tested by some
of the most disastrous conflagrations in the
country, there is not a single instance on record
wherein one of them ever failed to preserve its
contents perfectly.
HALL'S PATENT DOVETAILED
TENON and groovb
BURGLAR-PROOF
Have never been broken open and robbed by
burglars or robbers.
Hall's burglar work is protected by letters
patent, and his work cannot be equaled lawfully.
His patent bolt is superior to any in use.
His jwtent locks cannot be picked by the most
skillful e.ei1s or burglars.
Bv one of the greatest improvements known,
the Gross Automatic Movement, our locks are
operated withont any arbor or spindle passing
through the door and into the lock.
Our locks cannot be opened or picked by bur
glars or experts, (as in case of other locks), and we
will put from $1,000 lo $10,000 behind them any
time against an equal amount.
The most skilled workmen only are employed.
Their work cannot be excelled.
Hall's Safes and Locks can be relied on at all
times.
They are carsfully and thorughly constructed
THEY ABE 1 II 10 BEbT SAFE
Made in America, or any other country.
One I'll on s-(n ml Dollars
To any person who c n prove that one of Hall's
patent burglar-proof safes has ever been
broken open and robbed by
burglars up to the
present time.
V. N. WILLIAMS,
Agent for Oregon and W. T.
UAIce with Kawley
28 ebl6:9tf.
I. odd CO..
. Portland.
Rees Hamlin.
Emmext F. Wbenm.
DRAYACE I
PR AY ACE 1
Hamlin & Wrenn. Propr's.
HAVING JUST RETUKKED r KOM
Salem mith a new truck, and having
leased the l arn formerly occupied by .lames Eg-
lin, we are now prepa ed to do all kinds of
DROYINC A D HAULINC,
either in the city or country, at the lowest living
rates, ( an be round at me oiu irucK siana. v
eh:ire of the public patn-nage resjiectlully solicited.
Corvallis, Dec. 27. la.S. I5:52tl
FftAKKUSf CAUTH0RN, M. P., -
PHYSICIAN AND SURGEON,
Corvallla, Oregon.
SDecial attention given to sureerv and diseases
of the Eye. Cau be found at his onice, in rear of
Graham, Hamilton Sc Co.'s Drag Store, up stairs,
day or night.
June 3, 1H7V. 10-Z3U