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BUSINESS CARDS.
W. G. JONES, M. D.
Homoeopathic Physician,
ALBAXT, OREOO".
Ser-OSice on Front street, over TnrroU's
store. Residence on the corner of Sixth and
' Ferry streets. v7n20yl.
( .
- 9. A. CBSXOWETB. I. SMITB,
Corrallis. Linn Co.
CHENOWETH & SMITH.
ATTORNEYS AT LAW,
Corvallia, Oregon.
HtrrlC t Court House.
t6o27
.CAS B. B. l'PBBBT.
CRANOR& HUMPHREY.
TTQ-XYS 119 COUNSELORS AT LAW.
(tt. B. Hampkrcr, Notary PuMic)
Orricn In Parrw'a Brio- Uuildmjr. up
Btairs, Ibany, Orptfo-.
7n8tf.
JOHN J. WHITNEY,
jTTQRXET 1XD COO'SELOR AT LAW
aad Notary Public
Sneeial attentions riven to collections.
Orrica Up stair in Parriah' Brick
Albany, Oregon.
-3n33tf.
D. B. RICE, M. O.,
PHYSICIAX ASD SLR0,
ALBANY, OREGON'.
V-Of5 ee : On Sonth sid of Mnin street.
"Residence : On the corner of Third ami Baker
Streets. aprlSv5n3.tf.
daniel gaby,
attorney at law and notary public.
SCIO, OnSGON.
-Special attention given to the eollee tioo
srtcs. account, Ac. J,cl6v6nlS.
GEO. R. HELM,
ATTORNEY AND COUNSELOR AT LAV
ITnX practice in all the Court of this State.
OFFICE: ALBAXT, OREGOX.
Xor. 11. 1870.
X. S. DU BOIS,
COXSTAXTLT OX HASD AXD RECEIV
ING a large stock of Groceries and Provi
eiou. Wood and Willow Ware, Tobacco. Cigars.
Confectionery, Yankee Xotions, etc., etc.
Wholesale and Retail.
-Oppoite R. C. Hill A Suo's Prog Store,
Albany. Oregon. junl0v5n43yl
PAPER HANGING, CALCEMININS,
Decorating, Ac.
T. M. WADSWOBTH WILL PROMPTLY
' - ive attention to all orders for Paier-
biucing. laleeiuiutng, xeoraiiog, -., -
eity or vicinity. A I work execute! in me lat
st style, in tiie best manner, at the lowet liv
ing rate.
r-Orders left at the Fnrnitnre Wsren omt or
Cba. Mcaliy. will receive prompt attention.
vTnUif
E. N. TANDY,
ATTORNEY- AT-LAW
AD
XOTARY , PrBLIC.
HARRLSBCRG, L1XX C0UXTT, OREGOX
Will practice in the Courts of Linn a-d ad
joining counties ; and will bay good negotiable
paper at a reasonable discount. aiS7l
.JBWCB CELSAT. JOSEPH BASSOS.
KELSAY &, HANNON,
ATTORNEYS AilD COUNSELORS AT LAW.
ALBAXY, OREGOX.
Partner for Linn. County.
Office np stairs in Post Office Building.
Snlyl.
JOHNS St, GABY,
SCIO, OREGOX,
Heal Estate Dealers
-J AND, IMPROVED OR CXIMPROVED,
JL i cheaper in the Forks of the E-utiain
than in any other part of the Stts.
ar Inquire of J. it. J, Movion Station,
r of Dabibl Gabt, Seiu, Linn eeunty. -
vOnSStC.
. B. BBLLIBGER.
TBCO. BtTRBERTEB.
BELLINGER & BdRMESTER,
ATTORNEYS AT LAW,
No. 89 First Street, .
VOUTVAXV, - - OREGON.
Special attention f iTeo to matters in Bnnkrnpt
y and all bnmness in United States Court.
v6n2tf.
G. f. SETTLEMIER,
jgist and Apothecary!
tDrul
DEALER IX DRUGS, MEDICIXES. OILf
iPainta, Window GlakS, Dyestuffs, Liquors,
tVancy Soaps, Brushes, Perfumeries, Ac.
'Prescriptions CarefollY Compounded.
All art eles and Drugs in onr line warranted
-of the beet quality.
First street,' Post Eee building, Albany.
jull5v5n48yl
GEO. W GRA7, D. D. S.
Graduate of the Cincinnati Pen
tal College,
BXaes Several New and Impro-ed
.Styles of Plates for -Artificial Teet.
Also does all work in the line
of hi -profession in the bet and
moBl BtDrfived method and at as
reasonable rates at ean be had elsewhere. Xi
trous oxide adminisLeted lor the painless ez-
i tntetSori of teeth if desired. Office in ParrUu's
:"riek Block -nOJstirirs. Bosidence, first bouse
: soqftj f Congreeartibual Church, fronting on
Court Mouse' block. . a v7nl7yl.
1 B. fi'RCSBfel-I.,
Att'y at Law.
C. P. FERBT,
NoUry Public
3TJSSL, rT & WOODWAED,
EEAL ESTATE BROKERS,
? .COLLECTING AGENTS. .
ar-Bpecial attention given to the sate of Real
.tate. Real Estate Litigation and the Collection
f Claims. Office, X. W. Corner First and
Waahuigton Streets. .,
' Portland, Oregon.
Fefc. 22. 1870. v5n28tf.
ASH-PAID FOR WHEAT. OATS, PORK
Butter and EgS b7 WHEELER
, at SHEDD.
VOL. VII.
UNCLE PHIL'S RUSE.
BY FRANCES HENSHAW BADEX.
"You are quite sure you love her
my hoy?"
"Love her? Why. uncle, I adore
her! How could I help it, seeing
her every evening for three months
past, and listening to her sweet voice?
If you knew her, uncle, you would
not ask such a question. To know
her is to love her, my beautiful, charm
ing Isabel!",
"Are you perfectly certain you will
know her, Frank r" asked Uncle Phil,
with a comical smile.
"Have I uot told you, nncle, that
every evening for nearly three mouths
past 'has beeirspent with her?" ,
"Yes, that mav be, and still you
not know her. Whenever you have
been with her, she has been expecting
you, or some other young fellow that
she intended to charm. So you are
acquainted with the belle and beauty
Miss Isabel Courtney; but, my boy,
have you ever gone in on her during
the da, whenshe was uot prepared
for callers r"
"No, sir, I have not; but "
"Never mind. Wait until I finish,
then go on with your rhapsodies.
Well, Frank, you'll never know her
until you see her only with her home
folks. See and know the dawjhter
and sinter, and then tell me you kuow
Isabel Courtney the teaman ; and if
you are as much in love, and deter
mined to marry her, I will have to
yield. You have uot committed
yourself?"
"Xo, uncle; all hough hundreds of
times I have been or. the eve of throw
ing mvsclf at her feet, and declaring
my love. My promise given you
never to marry without consulting
you, has retrained me. But really,
uncle, I think you are rather too par
ticular. I imagiue it is this that has
kept you single all this time. You
have never been able to find perfec
tion, or any woman coming up to your
standard of what a wJtna:i should be."
"Xo, my boy. You are mistaken.
I've norn many very lovcljr women,
fully up to my ideal. Iut, Frank,
the memory of one in Heaven, the
first, the last, ti.e oii'y loved, is dearer
to me than any Jiving woman can
ever.be; and looking" fcrward to a
union with her in the world beyond,
I am wailing our Father's call to hud
her," answered Uncle Phil., his voice
grown softer and sinking lower.
Frank, ever impulsive, started up,
clashed bis uncle's hand, aud exclaim
ed: "Forgive me, uncl if I have
wounded you.''
"No, my boy, you bave not. Now
to return to the subject so important
to you I am glad you have not told
Miss Courtney of your affection, or
rather of your temporary infatuation."
A frown darkened Frank's hand
some face, and he turned impatiently
away.
"Ah, now it is my turn to say 'for
give me.' But reaJly, Faank, if you
will reflect let your mind go back
only 6ix months you will admit I
have good reason for speaking as I
do. Tieraember .Mary Fulton. Every
evening found yon beside her. Dear
little girl ! I was making myself
quite happy with the hope of ending
my days with her as your wife, Frank.
You were loud in your praises of her
until yon met Miss Courtney."
"Yes, uncle. I know it. I did, and
do still think Mary a very lovable
little g;rl ; but "
"Well, my boy, out with it. But
what'r"
"Well, nncle, Mary is pretty, gentle,
sweet-tempered, and uo doubt would
make a good wife. But ah! "
"Ah, my boy, I see you are a little
ashamed to tell your objections."
"Xo, sir, not at all. You mnst
readily agree with me that 3lary is
not the wife for a man in such a posi
tion as I hold. I m expected to en
tertain a great deal of company, and
am thrown much into fashionable so
ciety. Now. Mary is such a home
spun little thing, so very domestic
I want a woman with grace, dignity
and ease, to preside at my entertain
ments one I shall be proud of.
Now. uncle von have the whole
truth."
'And so my dear little Mary, with
her artlegsness, natural grace, aua ac
quirements which should be consider
ed accomplishments, is cast, aside
for a fashionable butterfly ! Ah, Frank,
I iear you are not likely to secure
happiness by this decision."
"Uncle. 1 never once, during the
month I visited Mary, said one word
ol love to her.
u Words of love, may be not, but
what did your actions tell, f rank
your looks ? I understood them, and
so did she. and everybody else who
paw you with her. You have not be
baved just ngbt, rran;."
"If I have , won irom Mary more
than a friendly reeard, uucle, I am
very sorry. I really thought I loved
her until I saw Isabel; and still I
have a warm vegard for her."
"Well, well, my boy I hope every
thing may turn out for the happiness
of all. Now, I've a little plan to sug
gest, which, if you will agree to, I think
you will be better acquainted with
your lady's true character ; also that
of Mary. After .which,-if you come
again to me, and teil me you still wish
to marry Miss Courtney, 1 will no
longer oppose you."
"Well, uncle, knowing you will not
suggest anything that a man of honor
should hesitate about, I'll consent,"
answered Frank. .
And Uncle Phil., closing the libra
ry door, proceed to disclose his plan.
Frank listened until his uncle had
concluded, and then, after a toerry
laugh, he said:
"All right. I've no doubt of the
result. But really, , uucle I had no
idea you were such a plotter. You
have missed your vocation,: I truly
think" : W
"Av revior" said Frank thai ight,
after baving.accompanied Isabel home
from a ball. She had seemed more
I beautiful and charming than ever, and
Frank, when he bade her good-night,
said to himself:
"To-morrow I shnll be the happiest
man living, or Pshaw ! I'm foolish
to think for a moment of anything
else. She will stand the test."
It was near noon of the next day
that a hand cart, filled with beautiful
plants, was stopped before Mr. Court
ney's The man ascendiug the steps,
rang the bell and handed in a card, on
which was written, "For Miss Court
ney." As the man stood waiting direc
tions concerning tho removal of the
plants, he heard a pleasant voice call :
"Isabel, -dear, do come down?" and
the cross, irritable answer:
"I'm not ready, and it is no use to
hurry mo! You expect mo to get
down to breakfast when I did not re
tire until after midnight. I think you
miuht have sent it up to me I"
There was a grieved look in the
mother's eye, a slight quiver of her
lips, as she went to the foot of tho
stairs and said :
"It is not to como to breakfast.
That is over with hours ago. Yours
is waiting whenever you wish it. I
called you to come see the beautiful
flowers some one has sent you, and
direct the man where you wish them
placed."
"Oli!" in a mo lilted tony ; and a
few moments alter, Miss Courtney
came down.
If she had not been so intently ad
miring the flowers, she might bao
noticed the look ot astoiiihiniK-nl de
picted on the face of the man waiting
to do her bidding and well there
might be.
Could it be possible that was tho
girl of whoso beauty ami sweetness
so many praises were sung ?
A morning robe, dlny and soiled,
caught up here and there by puis
substitutes for stitches neither belt
ed nor corded, but flowing loosely
aud trailing around her; her front
hair still in crimpers, the back caught
in a tangled mass under a net. Hie
presented not the slightest resem
blance to the belle of the night be
fore. "Take them in, und place them in
the windows of the dining-room lur
the present," Isabel said. Going in
herself, she dropped in a chair, say
ing: ".Mamma, tell some one to bring
me my breakfast now."
"Ioji will have to wait on voursell
I-.. I . t i f .rt ' ,
a :iue xo-uay, iauei. ine cook is
t I:. ...I -.. - - I . ,
Mck, cuu iuiy li s gone to market.
Before the mother couculded Isabel
snapped out :
"us always so wuen i am tireu.
"Well, do not worry, dear. Here
a V " ... -
is your urcaklasi. -ow eat it wmie
it is warm, and then l want you to
ass:st me a little. Fipa is going to
brins a friend home to dinner, and
we must try to have things just as
nk-e as it our cook prepared iht-in,"
said Mrs. Courtney, in a coaxing
tone.
Indeed, mamma, shall not I'm
not going to ruin my complexion, and
make my hands rough with such work.
Besides, I have an engagement at '2
. i .a
o clock, yy ny couia uot papa taice
bis friend to a restaurant Y"
"31 y dear, when a man has a home
and lamily, he expects "
xpectl les, entirely too much.
Men are always giving unnecessary
trouble. hen 1 have a home of my
own, I guess I will have my husbaud
understand he cannot
Isabel was suddenly stopped here
byacra&h; and looking up, she ex
claimed :
"Oh, you awkward wretch ! Yon
have broken the very prettiest rose !"
' The man stopped not to pick up
the fragments, or bring in the plants
remaining in the entry; but pulling
his slouched hat further over his face,
rushed from the room and house.
"Oh, Isabel, how could you speak
so ! You frightened that poor man.
3Iy child, you should try and control
yourself. You can be so pleasant at
times ?" the mother Eaid.
Aud when Isabel answered.
"Mamma, we neither of us have
time for a lecture just now," she turn
ed, with a weary, sad look, and left
the room.
The same morning, an hour later,
Mary Fulton sat at the window ot the
pretty, cozy little sitting-room. The
needle, which a few moments bofore
she had plied so swiftly, suddenly
ceased, and her hands dropped on tho
work in her lap. Her sweet face had
a plaintive expression, which deepen
ed as she sat so idly nay, busy with
thoughts which were far from happy
ones surely, for the pretty red lips
quivered like a grieved child's. As
quickly she dashed away a tear and
said: , ,
"This will never do. Mamma will
soon be in, and in an instant her lov
ing eye will detect, the trace of even
one tear. I must not grieve her. But,
oh! I wonder what I dill to change
his feelings toward me? I was so sure
he loved roe, that I let my poor heart
slip from my own keeping, irue, ho
never told me of his love save by looks
and acts. These last three months
have seemed as years, only twice dur
ing which I have seen him, and then
with a beautiful cu'l- the cirl, most
likely, who has really won his heart,
Welt, well, I must conquer this affec
tion, and tins is not the surest way
I must be busy all the time, giving
regrets no chance to linger with me."
Again her fingers were busy with
her needle. How pretty she looked
in her seat chintz morning dress, with
snowy collar, cuffs and apron, her
bright brown hair, her wavy tresses,
confined by a blue ribbon.
A few moments more and she start
ed up, say ins:: "'C ' ' -
. "I must find something more active
than sewinc."
Just then a peal from the doorbell,
and very soon after the servant enter
ed, saying. '
"Oh, Miss Mary, come to the door1
and see tho beautiful flowers the man
says are for you."
Mary hastened out, to receive from
the man a card, on which was written,
'VFor Miss Fulton, No. 22' Waverley
ALBANY, OREGON, FltlDAY, FEBRUARY 1),
street.'?
"How beautiful! Who could have
sent them? I suppose there can be no
mistake. This is my name and num
ber," Mary said, again glancing at tho
card.
The man expressed his knowledge
of the flowers having reached the one
for whom they were intended, by go
ing to work unloading his cart, and
taking them into the hall.
Just then Mrs. Fulton came in from
a walk. Mary stopped, admiring the
flowers, then followed Jier into the sitting-room,
and wondered anew who
could have sent the beautiful present.
"Shall the man place them in the
windows, ho says, Miss Mary!" the
servant asked.
"Thank him, and say, if ho has the
time to spare," Mary answered.
Immediately after the man began
to bring in and arrange the plants.
"How soon you are back, mamma.
Surely you did not get through your
shopping!" Mary said, removing her
mother's wrappings and gently seat
ing her in a rocker.
"Yes, love, I came back much soon
er than I expected, to bring you a dis
appointment, I fear, as well as mak
ing you very busy to day. When I
reached your father's ollice, I found
there an old friend and school-fellow
of his. I thought papa's eyes were
aking, as plain as could be, lor me to
invite him to dine with us to-day,
and so I did: and the gentleman read
ily accepted my invitation. When I
was coming away, papa followed me
to the door, and said he was so glad I
had r.skid his friend to our home.
Anil I hurried back to set you hard
to work never reflecting, until a few
moments since, that you had an en
gagement for the afternoon," answer
ed Mrs Fulton.
"Do not worry about my engage
ment. I am glad to stay home aud
be busy, to make dear papa happy.
I can send a note of excuse to my
friend, and then to work. Mamma,
we will have a dinner pap.i will be
proud of."
Just then came a bang, crash! Mary
turned quickly to see, lying on the
carpet, the fragrant s of a pot, and
near by the scattered dirt, some still
clinging to the roots of a rare rose in
full bloom.
Mary might well have been excus
ed if shw had gotten a little out of
temper. But she did not. The shade
of regret which gathered for an in
stant on her face quickly passed away,
and when the man picked up the rone,
and began to mutter some excuse or
apology, Mary said:
"Xeer mind. 1 hopo the rose is
not injured much; and if it is. I must
not grumble about the accident, for I
am still very rich in the possession of
so many beautiful ones."
The last flower was placed in the
window; and as the door closed on
the man, Mary said:
"Poor fellow, I really pitied him!
lie is so awkward, and seemed either
so frightened or bashful be could not
raise his eyes."
u Well, Frank, my boy, the time has
expired. Am I to hunt a fitting bri
dal present for your chosen one? I'vo
been anxiously expecting to hear from
you for several days past. I shall be
true to my word. Am I to give my
consent to, and blessing on your union
with Miss Courtucyf
"Xo sir.
"No sir! Why not?"
"Because I've asked Mary Fulton
to be my wife."
-W hat! Indeed! Hurra! Oh, t rank,
yon aro all right now. How happy
we shall all be! 15ut tell me how you
so suddenly recovered both sight aud
senses. I had not expected my little
plan to accomplish so sudden a cure,"
said Uncle 1 hil., clasping Frank's
hand, and shaking it warmly.
"Oh, uncle, spare me a recitation
from the first neen behind the scenes.
Sufficient to say, i thank you for sav
ing me from 'a leap in the dark, said
rank, with a grave lace.
"Ah, I see. Tho lovely belle did
not care to be so charming to the awk
ward, redheaded carlman, as to the
very eligible' Frank Osborn," 'said
Uncle Phil, with a knowing smile.
"But I cannot let you off from some
little hints about your second call and
peep at the little 'home-spun' girl.'"
"Don't uncle, please, ever say that
again. I am ashamed of myself ever
to have been so foolish. Well, the
red-headed, awkward cartman found
Mary Fulton more charmingand love
ly in every way than ever Frank Os
born had dreamed; more bceutitui in
her morning dress than in evening
toilet industrious, gentle, amiable,
considerate. And so I crew more
desperately in love than ever, and
learned to adopt completely your idea,
that 'only a good daughter will make
a good wile.
"But do you think she can preside
with 'ease, grace and dignity at your
entertainments;" asked Uncle 1 nil.
: "Another thrust, uncle! Well,
deserve it. I know she will. I went
in that very evening after my call and
found, her eutertaininc her father's
friends. I do not fear but so . good
and lovely a girl will be all I wish.
telt line picking her up and running
off with her that morning, when, after
I smashed up her best flower, she was
so pleasant about it. .'Bless her dear
little heart! There isno reception hours
or company behavior with her."
Isabel never ceased watchinz and
waiting for Frank's return to her side,
until she saw his marriage announced;
and then she could never imagine
what it was that made her lose him.
If she could have imagined that awk
ward cartman was the exquisite Frank,
the mystery would have been solved.
Many times, during the days of their
courtship, Mary would asa X rank why
he came not for those long months to
see her. And when he answered by
telling of the pressure of business of
course she didn t believe' him, but
continued to tease him to tell her nu-
tii the day before their union, when I
suppose, thinking it better to begin
wedded life with a clear conscience,
he told her of Uncle Phil's ruse,
IN i: FIJI, IKf'OitMATIU.t.
Measure 200 feet on each side and
you will have a square acre within an
inch.
An acre contains 4,480 square yards.
A mile is b,'2H0 feet, or 1,760 yards
in length.
A fathom is six feet.
A league is three miles.
A Sabbath day's journey is 1,115
yards 19 yards less than two-thirds
of a mile.
A day's Journey is 33 J miles.
A cubit is two feet.
A great cubit is eleven feet.
A hand (horse measure) is four inches.
A palm is three inches.
A span is lo inches.
A pace is three feet.
A barrel of flour weighs 19C pounds.
A barrel of pork 20U pounds.
' A barrel of rice 000 pounds.
A barrel of powder '25 pounds.
A firkin of butter DO pounds.
A tub of butter 81 pounds.
The following are sold by weight,
per bushel:
White beans and clover seed, sixty
founds to the bushel.
Com, ryo and flax seed, 00 pounds.
Buckwheat, 52 pounds.
Bat ley, 4H pounds.
Oats, 32 pounds.
Timothy .H'cd, 45 pounds.
A ton of round timber is 49 feet; of
square timber, 4 ) Jeet.
A commercial bale of cotton is 400
pounds.
A pack of wool is 240 pounds.
a a
j section oi government land is
Glu acres (one mile).
A tun is 250 gnllons.
A box 10 by 204 inches and 8 inch
es contains a bushcL
POPULATION OF THE GLOBE.
There are on the globe l,98j,000,
0 JO souls, of whom :hJ0,i 00,00'J are of
the Caucasian race; 552,O0J,0O0 are of
the Mongol race; 19 ,0ao,00 J are of
the Ethiopian race; 176,0 J0,0 JO are of
the Malay race; lOO.'iOO.UUO are ol
the J ndo-American race.
There are 3,f'42 languages spoken,
10 0 different religions.
The yearly mortality of the globe
is V:i,V,:i'l.'.i:yl persons. This is at the
rate of 91,551 per day, 3,730 per hour,
02 per minute; so each pulsation of
the heart marks the decease of some
human creature.
The average of human life is 33
years.
One-fourth of the population dies
at or before the ae of seven years.
One -half at or before seventeen
years.
Among lO.OilO persons, one arrives
at the age of KK) years; one in 5 j0 at
tains the age of 90; and one in 100
lives to the age of GO.
Married men lives lonzer than sin
gle ones.
Iu IUO rcrsons, 9o marrv; and more
marriages occur in June and Decem
ber than in any other months in the
year.
One-eighth of the whole population
is military.
Profession's exercise a g'at influ
ence on longevity. In I.OjO persons
who arrive at the age of 70 years, 43
are priests, orators or public speakers;
AJ are agriculturists, 33 are workmen,
32 are soldiers or military employes;
29 advocates or engineers; 27 profess
ors and 23 doctors.
Those who devote their lives to the
prolongation of others die soonest.
There are 33(J,UUU,U0 J Christians.
There are 5,bO0,0OJ Israelites.
There are 60,000,000 Asiatic relig
ionists.
There are 100,000,000 Mohamme
dans.
There 300,000,000 Pagans.
In the Christian Church 170.000
profess the Roman Catholic religion,
7D,00C,0o0 profess the Greek faith,
80;O0O,0.JO profess the Protestant.
SIZE OF OUR GREAT LAKES.
The latest measurement of our fresh
water seas is given below:
Tho greatest length of Lake Super
ior is 335 miles; its greatest bread this
1G0 miles; mean depth, G80 feet; ele
vation, 627 feet; area, 32,000 square
miles.
The greatest length of Lake Michi
gan, 290 miles; its greatest breadth,
208 miles; mean depth, 900 feet; ele
vation, 50 feet; area, 3,UUU square
miles.
The greatest length of Lake Huron
is 200 miles; its greatest breadth, 1G0
miles; mean depth, GOO feet; elevation,
27 1 feet; area. 20,000 square miles.
The greatest length of Lake Erie,
250 miles; its greatest breadth, 80
miles; its mean depth, 84 ' feet, eleva
tion, boo feet; area, u,UUU square miles.
The greatest, length of Lake Onta
rio is 1XU miles; its greatest "breadth,
65 miles; mean depth, 500 feet; eleva
tion 201 feet; area, 6,000 square miles.
All five cover an area of upwards of
90,000, square miles.
What 'was his Otheb Name? As
Arte runs Ward was once traveling in
the cars, dreading to be bored, and
feeling miserable, a man approached
him, sat down and said:
"Did you hear the last thing on
Horace Greeley?" '
"Greeley! Greeley?" Horace
Greeley Who is he?' s
The man was quiet about five min
utes. Pretty soon he said: '
"George Francis Traiu is kicking
up a good deal of a row over in Eng
land; do you think they will put him
in a bastile?" , , , ; '
"Train, Train, ; George Francis
Train?' said Artemus, solemnly; "I
never, heard of him.'V
This ignorance kept the man quiet
for fifteen minutes, then be said:
"What do you think about Gener
al Grant's chances tor the Presidency?
Do you think they will, run him?'' '
"Grant? Grant? hang it, man,"
said Artemus, "you appear to know
more strangers than any man I . ever
saw." ' -,v ... - ; .-. .
The man was furious; he walked
up the car but at laBt come back and
Baid: ; :. s
"You confounded ignoramus, did
you ever hear of Adam?" ' ,
Artemus looked up and said: ';
-' 'What was his other name?'
1872.
WOMAN ANI THE It ALLOT.
The champions for woman suffrage
recognize in the ballot the arsenal in
which are stored all the weapons for
a successful warfare with every imag
inable evil to which womanhood is
exposed. ' Even if this were true, may
there not be danger that traitorous
hands in their own ranks would seize
the weapons, and turn them upon their
friends and allies? It was woman's
wit that devised and directed the con
struction of the Trojan horse, which
decided the late of the doomed city.
The Trojan horse of the demi-monde,
dragged within the walls of legislation,
would conceal a hidden foe, before
which the most valorous Encas might
be found to fly. Those "whose lips
drop as a honeycomb, whose mouth is
smoother than oil, who lie in wait at
every corner," did not live in Solomon's
time only; and he, though wiser than
many of the statesmen of lo day, has
this unhappy record, "Nevertheless
even him did outlandish women cause
to sin." . Should the unflinching, al
most miraculous probity of Joseph,
under peculiarly trying circumstances,
be hopefully cited in reply, we should
be reluctantly compelled to call to
mind the deplorable decrease of the
Josepb'type of manhood, since that
happy day, and a corresponding la
mentable increase of the Mrs. Poti-phar-type
of womanhood. In view
of all these facts, which is the more
probable: that woman would elevate
politics, or that politics would degrade
woman?
But just hero we are met with the
curt response: provide remunerative
employments for these unfortunates,
and this problem of the social evil will
approach solution while starving for
bread, they cannot resist the tempta
tion to sin., We have no just reason
to suppose that Mrs. Potiphar was
hungry for bread ; carnal appetite
held sway, and there are not a few, to
day, cursed with the same inherent
tendency to "moral vertigo." In
creased facilities for divorce, love of
admiration, an inordinate fondness for
dress and display, and a sturdy disin
clination for honest toil, undoubtedly
add, also, large numbers to the ranks.
But, granting that a large proportion
might be saved, or rescued, from such
degradation and sin by increasing the
remunerative employments for wo
men, would female suffrage compass
this most desirable end ? We can
not see that it would. Let us take a
careful survey of this, the most im
portant problem connected with the''
question before us! Are not all the
avenues ol trade, and all the hiirher
professions, now open to womanly
competition ? Has she not the liber
ty to divide the honors with man ?
If all universities and colleges are not
already thrown open to her, they are,
at least, a sumcient number to show
what she is capable of accomplishing;
ami, since man has so cheerfully
accorded thus much to her, we see no
reason why he will not willingly grant
more, whenever she shall demonstate,
by actual achievement, that she is fit
ted for the same mental development
as man. We strongly advocate the
co-education of the sexes, believing
that this offers the highest possibili
ties to both. The interblending of
protound investigation with nimble
intuition, of resolute purpose with
zctlous enthusiasm, would tend to bal
ance the mental powers, and make the
fire fly from every faculty. Let woman
enjoy the most geuerous opportunity
for culture, and let her avail herself of
it. Her life, heretofore, has been too
much after the strife of Roman punch,
an incongruous mixture of dress, dis
play, flirtation, and gossip. Genuine
culture has given place to petty es
thetic accomplishments. There must
be less of frolic, fret, and discontenu
these nervous ailments of modern life
more patient purpose in the way of
solid culture ; for culture is the true
generator of power. It is this which
commands position and ' influence.
Overland MontUy for February.
THE PERSIAIf FAMISE
The London Sixctator says: Tbe
horror of the famine in Persia has
not yet reached, its climax. Major
S. A. Smith, Assistant Resident, wri
ting from BushirC, says the people
are worn to skeletons, the children
"to famished beasts," and some of
them are always trodden down and
killed in the daily rush for the Eng
lish rice. A-1 J. S. Adams, traveling
in Teheran about two months ago,
says, in a note published by the Sun
derland Times', that in the crowds
who swarm in the barracks square to
receive a dole of small silver from
tbe Shah, hundreds, men and won
en, are literary stark naked, worn to
the bone and covered with sores
The people follow the visitor, howl
ing for bread; "two men lie upon
the ground quite dead, and a third
is laid upon one side of the bazaar,
covered with a piece of dirty cotton
A naked woman lies in the agonies
of death, surrounded by a crowd of
beings almost as badly off as herself.
The next form is that of a woman,
who scrapes from the ground a hand
ful of melon seed and filth, which she
divides between he two children.
This is one morning's ride. ' There
is no help for any of them, ' though
the Shah has as Mr. Murray : testi
fies--bucketsful of jewels in the pri
vate treasury, and famine cannot end
until' July. s t y
i Heue is the comparative magnitude
of the yankee nigger-freeing debt,
and the rate at which it is being re
duced: . '. .. '
i860..;.....;..:.;....
1871....
...:..........$ 84,842,287
.............. 3,0S0,47,859
2,353,211,832
It has taken just six years, with
revenue collections amounting ' to
$666,000,000 per annum,, or a- total
extortion of $3,996,000,000
from the people's pockets, to reduce
the nigger-freeiag debt just.' $227,
438,537, leaving tEd following sum as
stolen by official thieves in. six years :
$3,6G8,v561,av
NO 26.
A HflSHOtlKI ENOCH AUDESf.
The Cincinnati Enquirer publishes
the following:
A one-armed horseman recently
traveling through Missouri, stopped
at a blacksmith shop to have bis
horse shod. The smith noticed the
empty sleeve, and asked him if be
lost his arm in the war. He replied
with a sigh, that he did, and even
more, going on to relate how he had
left home to enlist in the Southern
army, and that on the close of - the
war, on going back, he found t'oat
bis wife, who thought him dead, bad
moved away, and he had since been
unable to find any trace of her.
"What is your tame?'' asked the
blacksmith.
When the answer was, "S. M.
Waldrnp ," be suddenly released the
bough over which he had been bend
ing, ana, wituout looting at the ex-
soldier, cried, "Follow me into the
house' and hurriedly led the way.
Amazed as be was at such conduct,
Waldrup mechanically obeyed the
unexpected bidding, and before be
could pause to think, was in the
presence of a comely matron, abou.
whose sewing chair three happy
children were playing. She was the
blacksmith s wife, tbe mother of his
little ones; yet as she ruse to see who
the blacksmith had brought in, she
caught a sight of tbe stranger's face,
one wild shriek proclaimed the in
stantaneous recognition, and fainted.
In the belief that Waldrup was dead.
she had married tbe blacksmith of
Cedar City in the very year of the
soldiers parole, and could now 'only
confess ber dread mistake and call
alternately on her husband and her
Uod for pardon.
After the first agitation of the sin
gular reunion bad partially subsided,
the two men returned to tbe smithy
and talked the matter over as sensi
Lly and coolly as tbeir respective
feeling permitted. Devoutly as he
lovedj tbe woman, tbe blacksmith ad
mittea tbe other s stronger right to
her and generously consented that
she herself should decide between
them. After a long passion of tears
and self-reproach, she selected to go
with turn whom she nm loved, but
declared with bitter lamentations
that she could not leave her children.
The smith raised his bead from bis
breast, on which it bad dropped in
tbe first despondency of her great
affliction, eyed bis wistiuily for a mo
ment, ad then said, "lou shall
take them my dear." When the
steamboat St. Luke stopped at the
landing some hours later, Waldrup
went on board with his still weeping
and thickly-veiled wife, and tbe
blacksmith followed with the chil
dren. The boat's bell rang for the
starting, and the dread separation
was at band. Tbe crew, the passen
gers all who witnessed it were
-dieted with tears by the touching
scene.
With great drops rolling down his
tawny cheeks, the smith kissed the
children one after another, and in a
choking voice bade their mother an
eternal good-bye. Tbe two men
gazed wistfully in each other's faces,
shook bands earnestly, and then the
blacksmith, by a strong effort of iron
will, released the band of Waldrup,
and walked quietly to the shore. He
never turned his face again towards
tbe boat, which soon passed out of
sight around a merciful bend in the
river, but strode on, with bead bowed
down, to the borne whither the voice
of his wife and children should wel
come him do more.
LIVELY PROSPECT.
There will probably be several
sets of candidates for the Presidency
in the approaching campaign. Tbe
plunderers and cormorants will sure
ly nominate Ulvsses for re-election
The liberal Republicans will oppose
his re-election with Gov. B. Uratz
Brown, Greeley, Trumball, or some
such Reformer. The bucket without
a bottom, called the Labor Reform
movement, composed of visionary
fellows, who don't want to work and
expect to get pay for doing nothing.
are nominating a coal-black Radical
ass from the "Burnt District" of In
diana, Darned Geo. W. Julian, one
of the vilest humbugs in that State,
The crowing pullets and feminine
roosters are out for a convention and
a candidate. The Temperance party,
or more correctly, Liquor Prohibi
tionists, have called a national con
vention to meet at Cleveland, Ohio,
on the 23d of February, to nominate
candidates for President and Vice
President. To offset this, as a mat
ter of course, the bung-starters and
gin-slingers, will meet and nominate
a ticket. Then tbe Pagans have a
candidate in the Omaha eccentric,
Geo. Frautio Train, "Next President
of America," etc. Verily the pros
pect opens out lively enough..
An honest backwoodsman, unac
quainted with the elegant phrases of
the day, recently went into a store
at Columbus, S. C, to purchase .a
bill of groceries,
the keeper of the
Stepping
up to
began
store, he
with:
"Have you got any sugar?"
"We hain't got , anything
else,
was the reply. ,
"Well, putmeupone hundred and
fifty pounds, and make out your bill.
I'll call and settle and get the sugar
in an hour or so." f
' In an hour or two after this, the
gentleman called, paid his bill . and
got the sugar. As usual, the shop
keeper said: ' i ' ;?
: 'Want anything else?",: k
"I did want three or four bags of
coffee, some rice, spices, oils,, etc.,
but I got them at another store.
You told me you didn't ' have' any
thing else.", ' i. -v'iv't'i -..
Garibaldi decline to permit his
autobiography to bef published until
after his death,1 ; '
Follow love and it will flee;
lava and it will' follow thee.
flee
Business notiue in the Local Column, 35
cents tier line, each Insertion;
For legal and trenient advertlsenents f3 50
per squvre of 12 liiws, for tbe first insertion,
and ill 00 per square for each ' subsequent in
sertion. - . -, . i .
GRANDMOTHER. "'.
Just as the sun rut blushing red ,
0er the hill tops, sonjebod; said, ,
Id broken accent, of uouraiiis; troe ..
Bobbing aloud, bat sobbiojf
"(iraedmotber is dead '." , , "'
... . . ,
When the' torrnwfal murmur broke.
Oat from our beaalilul dreams w woke,
FeeliiiK a sen.e of the terrible liss;
"Shu was fold refined from the dross," v
8o omebody spoke. . f
Jusf m she m times sat in her chair,
Lining her heart i aiiect prayer, .
Loofeed she : only a purple mint
ller drooping lid. and thin lip kissed.
And rerted tbefe.
Only yesterday how she p'anned
Labor of love for her aged band ;
"Wbineer my axeful days are o'er
Let mo . to tbe b-veuly there,"
Was ber demtn. -
Dear aid (rrnndmofber! How her prayer
Quickened tbe rar of Eternal eare I
And, w'rth only m warning pain,
itanel yaiherrd b r $:u again
To those regions fair.
Bl9Mf it it fr h-r to s'erp f -Can
it be wrong; for os to w;p?
We who. 1,,-l her so well and knew
All the w..rih of her loving, too.
And her wisdom deep.
he w aed and fn-w the wny
Toothful feet are inclined to stray ; . .
The yoons? are ri'My, and the tnot leans
Of youtbfnl experoMw ere tbey turn."
She would gn(!y ray.
Tfapny rndmhr ! Woold that we
Miaht share wifh ynn the mystery ,
Of that Herond, where a thf ot;bt of tin
Xerer. oh 1 never tin enter in
Through eternity.
POETRY RUN MAD.
The SI. Louis 77w. gire Ihe following spee
imen of poetry. The writer eruie-jtly aieao
"tmsioesi," and has "goae in on n'j nerve f
I stood npon the ocean's fcrirty shore, ' ,
And with a fragile reed t wrote
Upon tbe sand
"Agne: IiorenVe!"
Tbe mad waves rolled by and bioUeJ out
Tbe fair o,pre.ioo. .
Frail rred! Crol wave! Treacherous sand 1
I'll trurt ye no nu.re ;
But. w ta einnt b.n l ITI pluck
From Xorway's frown sborr,
Her taile-t pine, "d dip its top
Into tbe crater of Vcsovins.
And upon tbe bijjb and burniibed Heavens'
I'll .write ..-,
"A ynca. I love thee '."
And I wonld like to see any . !
Io-g(.f)el wave wab that out.
A BELLE'S CONQUEST.
Some gifted quill-driver ought to
take up the annals of the National
Hotel, in Wash ngton City, that
abounds in comic and serious events.
For many years' it was the head
quarters and grand rendezvous of po-
- ... -. -
uucbi pomps, journalists ana promi
nent social actors and actresses of
past generations. The volume of reg
ister alone that must be extant would
be as valuable as Patent Office re
ports, and as interesting as those of
the Agricultural Bureau. There was
a time when -'residents elect went
from the National to be inaugurated,
and lovely belles swept through the
parlors, captivating beaus known to
the Union. -
The thought brings up one of the
last named sort, whose entrance to a
ball room was the ovation to a queen -
a fair girl from tbe West, and at
whose feet tbe s.e-pft ct,tm.n nf
the day bowed in love that approach?
ed adoration. She married one of
these statesmen, and a rival belle,
her superior in wit, but not equal in
beauty, said, commenting upon the
event:
"Yoa wonder at the match because
you do not understand it."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean that sbe married one term .
in the Senate."
"What a small ambition only six
years out of a ttfetime."
"Six years make np a woman's so-"
cial life. After it is a living tomb in'
a nursery; and then sbe has her
chances."
"What do you mean?"
"Did you ever read the story of the
philosopher who undertook the diffi
cult task of making the Pasha's don
key read the written words of the
prophet?" -' '
"Nevei did; tell me."
"The philosopher, like all philoso
phers, was poor. At times he was
hungry, at all hours be was ragged.
He offered the - Pasha to teach his
donkey to read in five years. But
during the difficult task be was to be :
clothed in purple and line linen, fed
on the best, and lodged in a palace.
If he failed, the penalty was death. "
One day an old friend met him lead
ing forth the royal donkey to the
grove where the lessons were ; sup
posed to be given, and be raid,
suiely you do not expect that ass to
read?' The philosopher, putting his
thumb to bis nosey winked one of his
learned eyes and said nothing.
'But, continuec'. the friend, if you '
fail at the end of five years you will 5
surely be strangled. My friend,"
respouded the philosopher, 'you for- r
get that in that time the ass may die '
These are her chances, the Senator !
may die." Capital. . -
J , '-'.-' i n
uauiistiviwti, - - .ro j uu uu iaiu .
Fellow?" ., r ,
"No, sir; I have been married a
week." . .
"I mean, do you belong to the or- '
der of Odd Fellows?
: "No; I belong to the order of mar-
ried men." . - . . ; . i ,'
. "Mercy! how dumb.- Are you a 1
Masonf , : ; r .4 --n ;s
"No, I'm a carpenter by .trade "
"Worse and worse! Are you a Son
of Temperance?" '.xj-- ; '
"Bother yoa! no; I'm a son of Mr. "
John UoslingV ; . .
The querist went :away.
t Inj, order to secure a nomination .
and re-election, so that be may spec-'
lint A in willnt uplmnnM rttoeivti rifta
TT...., s s-k-t .l
and" bribes for four years longer, -
tt, 1- . , -l m
j lyases oers tosuDscnoe $jluu,jvu .
his salary as President for four yeara
to the Republican party, as a cam
paign fund. This is something of an
intimation of what that office is worthy
for unless it pail largely, no man
would be fool enough, fcd offer j -
away his whole sidary, .w
heri-at of -.r'yTmr'
bioaf-tWhttle fof
if.- ,r v V . : ;
r