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About The Albany register. (Albany, Or.) 1868-18?? | View Entire Issue (March 26, 1880)
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ALBANY, OREGON, MARCH 26, 1880.
Oa this Space Pour "Woelcs.
X. B. HUMPnEEY, Agent.
TIKK3 TlttS OPPORTUNITY TO IK FORM
bis friend and the public generally, that
Is bow settled in nis
NEW BUSINESS HOUSE,
n the old tantl next doorto P. C. Harper Co ,
Where can ue rouna as great an asutuacui uu
large a atocK 01
Stoves and Hanges
as can be found in any one house thia side of
s"oruana, ana at as
Caitlron, Brass & Enameled
in great variety. Also,
always on hand, and made to order, AT LIV-
0.XX on IXim.
Albany. October 21, 18755v8
CITY DHT7G- STOBE
Comer First aa.3. Ellsworth sts.,
Has again taken charge of tlio
City Drug Store,
Rfcvlaa- purcnasea tne enure micrem v,. "
Boaw, successor to A. Carothers A Co., ana is
few receiving a
Splendid ITs-w Stock,
which, added to the former, renders H very
Complete In all the clitferent departments,
reeling assured that all can oe suited in both
Quality aacL Price,
ha ewrdially In rites his old friends and custom
ers t gire bim a call.
rUlreeel"-e Immediate and careful attention
rt all hsant, rty and night.
Pure Wines and Liquors for medlelna
Oct. C. T7-5V10
First street, 3 doors west of Ferry,
AUA.1Y, t 1 OKEGOS.
HOIsACSEIl & GCETZ, Prop's.
rAVIWQ purchased the City Market. I will
i inun Minntnnttv on hand all kindaof Meats
te Tery best to be obtained in the market.
' in -r .11 HmM to meet the wishes of
all who may favor me with their pat ronage.
The pnblic genei ally are invtled to call at my
hop when In want of meats, fc-fhe highest
' cash price paid for PORK. 5rvlOBl3
- New Good) I Xew Departure !
fJSlLLINERY AND DRESSMAKING.
: MRS. O. L. PARKS,
HA VINO PtTBCHASKD THE MILLINERY
Store lately owned by Mre.C. P. Davis and
- having just added thereto a new Invoice or late
? CheAea Hillinerv. Trimffiiasrs,
. , Bonnets, Hats, Ac, takes pleasure in inviting
the ladies of Albany and vicinity to call ajd
' iaapect for themselves. All goods will bo sold
a prices that defy competition. - -Saving
secured tbe services of a first class
I am prepared to cut, (It, and make dresses in
any ty to desired, at short notice and in a satis-
'TesSak'infflTiothinfc for children a specialty
- Store on north side of First.east of Ellsworth
tree. You are invited to rall.
MRS. O. I. PARKS.
Irfollitlo Iniiaa Uonoiioa.
A Sure Snot For
FEVEIt & AGUE.
URINO A LONO RESIDENCE AMONG
tha Indian tribes of th ooast and iheinte-
' rtor, I have baa tne ooa lorwjno '
' from the "Medicine'7 men of the several tribes,
- and from other sources, a number of remedies
for diseases incident to this cemntry. constat-
initof roots, herbs and bark, and having been
aottcltert by many people of this valley, who
have tried and proved the eflloaey of them in
. -' disease, to procure and "tfur the same for sale,
I take this means of announcing to all that,
dnrimr the past season, I have made an extend
" ex tour through the mountains and valleys.
: and have secured certain of these remedies
-1 which are a sure cure for
": Kever arxcL..A.gro.
- Those snfferfnff from Asrne- -Who desire to be
' ' sured,can leave orders at MP. Strong's store on
- t lm street, where I will furnish the remedies,
' . warranting a radical care or I will demand no
; i i Ka medics dona op in tl packages. 13-1
sj 1 a month and expenses g-uaranteed to Asrts
I j Outfit free. Shaw Co., Aug-usta, Maine
L. FLIS.N. O. E. CHAMBRRLAIK.
FL.IXX & CIIAMBERLIIS,
Attorneys at LaAV,
-di-B-Vr. - OREGON. ,
OFFICE-In Foster's new brick block, first
door to the leu, up rtairs. vllnlS
J. C. POWELL.
W. K. BILYBU.
PO WELL & BIL YJEU,
Attorneys at Law and Solicitors
. in Chancery.
ALBANY, J,j ORKOOS.
COLLECTIONS pi omptlv made on all points.
Loans negotiated on reasonable terms.
Onice in Foster s new uiouk. iimv.ii
J. It. WEATHEBFORD,
(KOTABT FUBIXC. -
Attorney at Law.
ALBANY. f ' : Jft?OK.
WILL PRACTICE IN THE DIFFERENT
courts of the Slate. Special attention Kiv-
en to collections and probate matlerj. offick
In Odd Follows' Temple. nvlO
D. R. 3. BLACKBIKS,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
nno.ni'T ATTENTION CIVE3I TO ALL
a ouainess. Jvs
K. B. HCHFESIT. C. E. WGlTtRTOH,
Iluraplirey Sc. IVolverton,
Attorney and Coansclor nt l.nw.
"ITT I L I. PRACTICE IV ALL THE COUSTS
T of thisSrute. Opfh-k in t roman's orick
(up staii-si Albany, Oregon. nn
V.. II. MOXTAXXE,
Attorney at Law,
FFICE Upsiairs, over John Brlggs' storej
KJ on First street.
C. II. HEWITT,
Attorney and Counselor at Law.
Office, Old Post Office Building, Albany, Oregon
XTILL PRACTICE in the different Corirts of
V T the Slate.
I. 31. COX LEY,
ATTORNEY AT LAW
f FFICE In Farrlsli block, north side First
liimi, fiiuiuij, ""- , .
All business pron-ptly and carefully attended
vl In ri'Z
IB. IS. S. CIIfHCIIILL,
llemoaopalhic Pfcystelan Sargreou,
OFFICE -In Prtrr':sh' brick. Albany. Oregon.
Chrmiiu disea-nw a Uptciahy. Can be lining
at my office at all hours ot the day or nlht.
when not proiessiouaiij
3. SIBSIA , 31.
(SUCCESSOR TO BB. HEIWER.I
-FFICE AND KESIDESCE -On Second St.,
KJ near Albany Kngine Co. No. One's engine
Albany, Or.. Jan. 9, 1880-vl2nl5
B. II. SAVACS, U. D.f
Physician and Surgeon,
Fromans's Brick, np stairs,
i Albany, Oregon.
C. C. KELLY, M.
PHYSICXA2T S5 STJEaSOlT.
OFFICE IN McIL WAIN'S BKIC14 Bi...tv.
Residence one door north of broom "te'e
ry, Lyon street. llvlS
D. W. BALLASD, M. P. t. K. POWELL, . O.
BALLARD & POWELL,
Physicians & Surgeons,
OFFICE At Lebanon Drug Store. 12n2
JVMIS F. AVIHTIXG, ARTIST,
Fresco, Sign, Scene,
DESIGNING A SPECIALTY.
Rooms 6 and 7. Parrlsh block, comer First
and Ferry etreets, Albany, Oregon.
SUCCESSOR TO I. B. WT ATT,
Heavy anil Shelf Hardware,
Iron, Ktei'l nod SteenanfcV Tools,
Firet door east of . E. Young,
ALBANY, (vlln9) OREGON.
ST. CHARLES HOTEL,
ALBANY, : - OREGON,
Mrs. C. HouK, Proprietor.
THIS HOUSE has been thoroughly overhaul
ed and renovated, and placed in first class
condition for ihe accommodation of Its guests.
;ood Satnnle Room for Comuiei-cfal Travelers.
General Staae Office for Corvallis. Independ
ence and Lebanon. Free ConcU to anl fruni
the house. vlln4U
Albany, : Oregon.
REGULATING TIM E-PIECE9 ft BEPAIP
ing Jewelry a specialty. Cajl. vllnl7
Agents far "Aew roe" Sewing? Hbt
ohluee. week in your own town, ta otitflt free.
edOONorlsk. Reader. II von want a business
at which persons of either sex ean isiake jtrreat
pay all the time when tbey work, write for par
UeTilarVV H. II AXtJUirrr A Co, Portiaad, Me.
An Arcadian Ke venue.
"Depend upon it, rny dear sir, there
is a system of compensation : I, for ex
ample, occupy a position in tbe country
beyond my talents, wliilo you possess
talents that ate considerably above what
is necessary ahem to a person of
your condition ot life." ; '
This amazing speech was addressed
to me confidentially in the smoking
room of our common club one night, by
Mr. Dornoway-Dicke, after we had
dined together for the first time. It
was late in August : the club was emp
ty, and I had invited him to join tables,
though I knew Jfiirn to be an ass, rather
than to dine alone. The Lad man may
take a solitary meal without moral
damage, and even to the public advan
tage, since the custom is unwholesome,
and tends to shorten life ; but j to the
good man it is harmful. His thoughts
constant as the needle to the pole to
what is pute and good.i are naturally
attracted to himself, and his benevolent
actions, hi excellent motives, his whole
blameless career, pa8 in review before
his eye, and he becomes sell coiiEtious
ad self-complacent. Rather than run
the lisk of this, having ordered my
own modest repast, I ; looked j up at
Uoriioway-JJicke, who,' with Ins glass
painfully fixed in his eye, was scanning
the same "limited carte" for the day,
in doubt (as I guessed) about the
Frtnch dfches, and observed, "Shall we
dine together?" and he had j replied
courteously, "Charmed, I am sure."
As a matter of fact Mr. Dornoway-
Diclce was a man not easy to charm ; it
was not in genius (though up to that
date I don't think it ever had tried it)
to do so; and I believe even Beauty her
Self would have failed in the attempt, itn-
le-s she had had a title to bactt her.
Mr. Dicke's weakness was for a lord;
a very common ore, of course, but in
his case unusually pronounced. His
conversation was studded with titles as
the firmament is with stars : and he
was in refpvet to them what Mr. Car.
lyle, in relation to spirUuai things, calls
"terribly at ease in Zion that: is, he
was shockingly familiar with enrls and
viscounts, while as to baronets, he would
fefer to them by their Christian j name?.
To say that his views upon all matters
were commonplace would have been
flattering to his intelligence; they were
conventional to sublimity.
'Ghost stories are absurd," j argues
Coleridge, "bf-canse, though men tell
us they have had such an experieneej if
a man did really ever see what he actul-
believed to be a ghost, idiocy wou'd at
once supervene." Tint I firmly believe
that Dornoway-Dicke would have seen
a ghost without the least injury to his
intellectual powers ; not because he was
already an idiot, but (independently of
that) because so unconventional a sub
ject ai the supernatural had never en
tered his mind. If the ghost had a title,
then, indeed, an impression might have
been made ; but it would have been
produced by his temporal, not his spirit
ual, lordship. In all matters which ex
ercise the human mind, from theology
to American bowls, he took not the
faintest interest ; but I had been inform
ed and warned that upon the sub
ject ot the digui y and position of the
Domowoy-Dicke family he could, ai d
would, he very diffuse it yon were not
careful. He was a man,, in frhsrt, to
nod to but not to speak with, unless
the means of escape were bandy, j Slil',
late in Aneust at a London club one
cannot afford to bo particular;, ami
having uch strong moral reasons for
not dining alone, I had to dine ; with
There waa one circumstance, how
ever, which really did attract me tow
ard this gentleman and made me wish
for a closer acquaintance. It was a
much debated question ! in the j club
whether he wore a wig or not, and I j
wanted to solve it. If he did so (for
even after dining with him I wan not
sure) they were the best Wigs that ever
were. I say wiy, because lie must
have had lots ot them, for his hair was
sometimes short and sometimes long
and sometimes pist as it ought to bo in
the case of a fashionable young gentle
man of fifty-four, for there was this
disadvantage about, the', distinguished
position of the Dornoway-Dicke family,
thaf, being in the . peerage though it
must be confessed in a very remote!! and
"presumptive" tashion ithe.nian'sji age
was known to a nicety. There! was
then this point (as to his wig) to be
cleared up, which promised .me some
little excitement, and I was also curious
to know whether lie - talked ot i"the
Land" as it were" iive "which , I j was
assured he did. My information up
on this point, as it turned out, was cor
rect. The one supreme effort ot origin
ality which Mr. Dornoway-Dicke had
made was to personify the landed inter
est in this peculiar fashion.
"What the Land wants, sir," he
would observe very slowly and majes
tically (so that you had plenty of lime
to 6nggest to yourself "top dressing'4
coprolites," and what not), "what
the Land wants, sir,1' he always re
peated this charming phrase, "is fair
"The Laud" wanted bo many things
in the course of oar conversation at
dinner, that I had begOu to think it
somewhat exacting, - and indeed to get
a little impatienf'of Mr Dornoway
Dicke himself. But I am never, or at
least hardly ever, discourteous, and
though bored to' extremity, like a
wooden ship exposed to the action of
the teredo navalis, I endured it as
though I had been made of iron. I
had asked the man to dinner, and in
one sense had certainly paid for it, ?o
telt constrained by the duties ot hospi.
tality to be civil till the meal was over
When it was finished and we repaired
to the smoking room 1 had no such
scruple. "The Vine," says the classic
author, "is the Evoker of Truth," and
this is even still more the case with the
Cigar. Imagine then my indignation
at that amazing remark of my compan
ion, "I, tor example, occupy a pos'tion
in . the country beyond my talents ;
while you possess ta'ents that are con
siderably abovo what is necessary
ahem to a person ot your condition
"Pray,' said I, "Mr. Dornoway-
Dicke, confine your observations to
yourself, as you generally do. As to,
your talents, I have no reason to doubt
your own modest estimation cf them,
but as to your position in the country
I was not aware that you had any
I hope this was not rude. spoke
in the gentlest tones of which the
human voice or at all events my
voice is capable,, and in a manner
that was certainly winning, for I felt
that I had tcored. To my astonish
rnent Mr. Dornoway-Dicke remained
quite unruffled; he carefully removed
ihe ash from the erd ot his cigar with
hi signet ring, and answered quietly;
almost humbly, "You quite mistake
tue. I said my position in the couutry.
ot which, as you tell me, you know
nothing. You are not then familiar
with Mangel wurzelshire?'
I was certainly not. I had heard of
it, of course ; bur I felt myself fortun
ate in not having to spell it.
"Ah, I thought so," be continued,
blandly. "You should corns down to
Dornoway Court and see me at borne
Then you would understand why I
don't ottener visit London. In town I
am, comparatively speaking, nobody ;
hut in Mangelwurzeishire what do
you say, now, to runn'ng down to us
for the first week in September ?"
Five minutes before I should have
said "No'' without the s ightest hesita
tion ; but the outrageous vanity ot the
man's manner tickled me to the core.
I felt curious to ee those natives ot
Mangelwurzeishire to whom Mr. Dorno
way-Dicke appeared to be a person of
importance j and moreover, I had not
yet discovered whether he wore a wig
or not. "The worst part of a wig,"
cays the old riddle, "as of love, is the
parting ;" but Mr. Dornoway-Dicke's
parting was perfect, and so delicate
that one would have almost said it
had beeu effected by a female hand.
Among the simpler inhabitants of
Arcadia be might take less extreme
precautions to deceive the public ; and
he certainly would not get his hair cut,
it cut it ever was, so often. "I will
come to Dornoway Court with pleas
ure," I said ; and on the appointed
day I went.
Important as my host's position in
the couutry may be, it is not ray in
tention to describe "Mr. Doruoway
Dicke at homo"- as though he were a
public character. Suffice it to say,
that he was belter at home than abroad,
or at least in London ; and as bis family
were pleasant people and bis bouse full
ot cheerful company, I did not regret
my visit. .The . "Court," as beloved
to call it, was-, however, so peculiar
that I must say a few words about it.
It was the only edifice with which I
am acquainted which gratified one's
sense of humor. . It was quite spick
and. span as respects newness, bnt built
and furnished in the - medieval style
A gravel drive, Boiled to perfection,
led np to a frowning entrance,' with a
huge oaken portal in which was in-1
serted a little hole "barred with iron
for purposes of espial. Through this
the porter was supposed (though be
never did it) to take cognizance of the
approaching visitor, and it peaceful, to
unbar the massive bolts of the great
door to let him in. Everything in the
house was apparently of the same
epoch, but in reality about three years
old. In the dining-room was a fire
place as big as an ordinary parlor, and
before which one would not have been
surprised to see a pair of trunkhose air
ing, or a couple -of jack-boots. The
sideboard, to the modern and inartistic
eye, resembled a krttlen dresser ; while
in the morning-room was a spinning
wheel with the flax in it as though
the thrifty housewife had just been
called away from that occupation to
superintend the construction of a venison
pasty, or to issue orders for the enter
tainment of the company invited to
the morrow's tournament.
These ridiculous objects as I soon
discovered, were designed to pursuade
the public that the Dornoway-Dickes
themselves were medieval, and had re.
sided at the "Court" tor the last six
hundred years, whereas, as a matter ot
fact, they were new comers. In the
country, even though you are distantly
connected with the peerage, this is a
serious obstacle to "position," and the
whole ot my host's gigantic intellect
was concentrated on attaining it. He
had been "called upon" at once by
every one in the country witin a circuit
of twenty-five miles, except One. j
write it reverentially with a capital O,
for it was "The Duke." I am not of
course speaking ot the late Duke of
Wellington ; in Mangelwurzeishire, as
in every other county, the duke was
the duke who lived there; His Grace
of Turniptops. This divinity was still
a young man,, unmarried and not much
given to catling on anyljody, and for
three long years all the efforts of the
Dornoway-Dickes had been unavail
ing to induce hini to honor the "Court"
with bis august presence. Two months
ago, however, he had sent his card by
a mounted messenger, and one mouth
ago, oh, joy of joys ! he had accepted
an invitation to a garden party at the
house for one ot ihe very days on which
I was to remain its uest.
It was just after this gracious promise
had been giveu that Mr. Dornoway
Dicke had made his appearance at the
club to make arrangements with
Gunter ; and now that I knew the
circumstances, I was not only surprised
at the magnificence of hi deportment
on that occasiou, but astonished that
he should have been so affable as he
was. My private impression is, that
I e asked me down to Dornoway Court
not so much from personal affection as
to secure an additional witness to
his social triumph; but that t neither
here nor there. The Duke was coming,
and the family were in a state ot ejc
citement rarej I should hope, in Hau
well, and not babitnaliy exhibited eyen
The great subject of discussion among
them for weeks had been: Who was
to be invited to meet the Duke? and
it was not exhausted yet. Everybody
-who was anybody had been asked
except the Tilbats ; and the knotty
point that could not be settled, was,
whether those people should be asked
or not. Captain and Mrs. Titbat were
their immediate neighbors ; their lawn
tennis grounds were in fact contiguous,
and the two families, though not ab
solutely on a friendly footing, were
well known to one another. Young
Titbat, when a player was wanting,
had sometimes even been invited to
make up the part at their favorite
amusement; and when the balls went
over the wire fence that separated the
two domains, the juvenile Tilbats did
not pretend (as some young people
would) that they were lost, but would
honestly chuck them back again. Still
the Tilbats were not among the county
families, nor anything like it. Their
efforts far more des perate than those
of the Dornoway-Dickes had miser
ably and utterly failed in that direction.
It was not so much that their man
sion was too small to be reckoned as a
country bouse ; that their s paddock
could not by any straiu of courtesy be
called a park ; or that their ornamental
lake was an undeniable pond. There
was something amiss I never could
find out what about Mrs. Titbat. 5
She was a woman I onco beheld
her,, and under circumstances I can
never forget of large proportions and
hirsute aspect (indeed, she bad a very
v. - 'J I ; vil':-;:
respectable beard) ; . her complexion
was rubicund, and to the uncharitable
might seem to indicate that she indulg
ed in liquor, though I never beard
that she did o. Whatever was wrong
with her had happened so long ' ago
lhat it would have been much ; better
and kinder of her fellow-creatures to
have forgotten it. My impression is;
that instead of rushing into matrimony
with the imprudence of most young
couples, Captain Titbat and herself had
exercised an unusual pradence, and had
not got themselves indissolubly united
till time and trial bad shown them to
be suited to one another.
However that might have beerr, Mrs.
Titbat was not "vUited," nor would
the Dornoway-Dickes have : dreamed
of asking her to their garden-party
except for that contiguity, to which I
have referred, of their lawn-tennis
grounds. The Duke, it was known,
was devoted to the game ; and it the
two grounds could be thrown into one,
it was felt by all the family that it
would have been an immense improve
ment. This could scarcely be done,
however, without asking Mrs. Titbat's
permission and also the pleasure of her
company; and upon the whole it. was
judged best to leave- matters as tbey
vere. The wire fencing between the
two lawns was so very slight that tbey
really looked to be one and the" same,
and as there was plenty of giound for
the Duke to play upon, fie would pro
bably never discover that both the
lawns did not belong to Dornoway
Court. " -
In the course of" the intimacy that ex
isted between the junior members of the
two families, the young Dornoway-Luckes,
with a frankness characteristic ot their age.
had told the young Titbats that the Duke
was coming on Friday to playiiawn-tennis
bnt that noboily but tip-top (not Titcat)
people were to be asked to meet him ; nor
was even this the worst, for it ' had been
hinted by elder members of the family, In
view of the suggested amalgamation of
tha tennis-grounds, that such good neigh
bors as Captain and Mrs. Titbat wouhl cer
tainly be inciuded in the Invitation list.
To explain what follows I must add that
Mis. Titbat herself wasT firmly persuaded
that she would be among the guests, ' and
was transported with the idea of it ; for the
being asked -to meet the Duke of Turnip
tops' (as was stilted on the cards) was !n
Maiigelwurzelsliire like being presented at
court, and ot once both whitewashed and
gilded the Invites. One has heard of the
be ot tlie tigress when robbed of her yonnjj,
but 'A hat is that as compared with the state
ot mind of a lady ot blemished reputation
who ha3 persuaded herself that it will be
rehabilitated, and that in the most splen
did fashion, and then suddenly finds that
she has been given the cold shoulder ?
Mrs. Titbat had actually ordered a dress
from London in which to appear before
II is grace of Turniptops, and the sight of
it, as it hiuig useless in her wardrobe, en
venomed her whole being, as though she
had worn it, and it had been the garment
She clutched the skirts of Hope to the
very last, but when Friday morning ar
rived and no invitation had come It fled
from her soul, and was replaced by the
desire for vengeance. If the Dornoway
Dickes could but have known what was
passing in that Injured lady's mind they
might have been reminded of those warn
I,est when our latest hope Is fled je taste
of our despair.
And learn by proof in some wild hour bow
much the wretched dare ;
Or even if that quotation had not occurred
to them I am quite sure they ''would have
asked her to their garden party even at
that eleventh hottr.
. The guests arrived, and In due course
that is to say, exceedingly late the Duke.
The meeting of his Grace and my host and
hostess was positively-affecting; I thought
Mr. Dornowny-Dicke would never leavo
off shaking his hand, and that his wife
would have kissed it; However, he got
away at last to luncheon. About 200 peo
ple sat down to it ; a select 20 on medieval
chairsj and the rest on much more com
fortable but common ones. A dozen of
the last had been borrowed, d.tys ago, by
the housekeeper without her mistress'
knowledge, from the Titcats. The host
enjoyed himself as most people do under
similar circumstances, that Is to say, he
was Intensely miserable and anxious, but
buoyed up by the thought that It would
all be over presently, and- he would have
'his friend, the Duke ot Turriiptops," to
talk about for the rest o'f his natural life.
After luncheon we all repaired to the lawn-
tennis ground. - - ;
"What a capital lawn you have I" ob
served the Duke ; and what a . good plan
that Is of dividing your ground." ! ;
He was referring, of course, to tbe Iron
fenclug. . . , a'
"It was a plan of my wife's, observed
Mr Dornoway -Dleke i for" as the other
lawn was vacant theyj was really no '-need
to intimate that It belonged to somebody
else. 1 '
A gilt youth of the..county with ' 6ne of
its gilt young ladles was selected for "one
side, and his Graejj a'ud Miss Doruowny.
Dicko tor the other. . The rest ot ths . com
pany stood round in' attitudes of respectful
admiration'.- They were just about to be
gin when ; the 1 Duke observed; ' "Hullo,
What the duce is this ?" ' -'-
The exclamation was caused by the ap
pearance ofMrs. Titbat, splendidly stttred.
and followed by - all ' her maid Serradts i
some of them carried baskets of linen, and
others liner and clothes props.' In tbe"
few minutes the whole of the Titbat 1 fam-
ly linen was hanging on the' line ; some
ot the articles were very pronounced- In
shape, end became more so when Inflated
by the breeze, which also- as .they, were
purposely hung close to : the wire- fencing
carried their graceful iolds right over i tha
Duke' bead ; -'d '
The game was teun, init present'ra ad
immense petticoat broke looser ,od-- fW
eddying drtfuHy for a -foW- rnonrenU
ed frota it with difficulty ad with -.fear
ful execration." He threw down his racket
and said something, I- could not Catch ;
indeed, I fled into a neighboring arbor'Atid
gave myself up Ho- such paroxyama of
mirth as almost threatened me -wlta-dl-olution,
. I was consciou of great 'excitement
among the company without, and hearcf
what sounded like the burned departure of
some of them, but t was positively; mi
capable Ot ascertaining what was going on.
The vision -of all Mangelwurzeishire'
noblest as they1 stood around that fatal
place, and pretended to Ignore the fact that
the very firmament was darkened - above
them by the, Titbat; family linen and
then the spectacle of that'pettlcoat descend
ing upon his Grace's brow, and , ot- fcim
self emerging lrora it, s was always too
much tor oe. - I sat In the arbor and Xirh
wept. Presently, after several severe, re-
lapses, I became conscious of a companion;
Beside me sat a little man, bald.as a,- knob
on the center of a tront door, and swearing
softly, and, as it were, thoughtfully to bin!
self. It was only by his voice that I, re
cognized Mr." Dofdoway-DIcke.
"My dear Dicke," 1 murmured, , for t
felt it necessary to say something, "why
are you here ? Why are you not entertain
lug (I dared not venture to mention the'
Duke) your guests ? i
"He's gone," he said .jit was plain b
was only thinking of on ot them. "It
was all on account of that infernal.. Mrs;
Titbat. It's her own petticoat ; It is mark
ed with an M and a T." "
I nodded, and held put my hand, at
though to entreat him to spare himself
the recital of the catastrophe.; , I fdt ready
ti expire. "But are all of the rest of the
people gone ?" I murir.u ed. v '
Vhfit-do rWrof Ye. "Wo. .What - '
terrible day !" "
"But, mydear Dicke," I said, i)rgin
ning sincerely to pity him, "it will never
do for you to stop here ; you must not
d sert your friends.1'. , " .
"Xo that's true," he answered, rising
feebly and moving tdward the house.-. . I
"But you have forgotten something. i
"Havel? What? Oh yes, my wig. w
It lay on the floor of the arbor where ha
had flung It Iii his frenzy. He stopped and
put it on mechanically, " and hind ' be-'
fore-... This I veutured to remedy., and b
thanked me in feeling tones. "Do you
think he will ever come again ?" he whisper
ed, eagerly. "He ' was very angry He
thought they were our own clothes hing
ing out to dry. I showed him the AI and
T, but he would pay no attention.- ' It 1a a
dreadful Mow.'' - 1 ' K s
And it fealfy hurt poof irn'owayi
Dicke exceedingly.' He bad not risen tbe
next morning when I came op to town,
and all the family were very much depress
ed, as though there bad been a death to tW
house. He bas been to Club once since," In
a more beautiful wig than ever,- but ot
course it can never deceive mi. -" I asicd.
"How are all at home?" '
"Pretty well I thank you,"" he sattj;
"that is, as well as can be expected. He"
.has never been near the place since." '
Of course I knew that by, tbe personal
pronoun lie meant "the Duke. JamM
Patn. .. '.:.'
Tbey were sitting silently by the parlor
fire, intently watching the bands 6f 'tha
clock as they slowly crawled aronnd to the
biggest striking place.' Suddenly she said:
"Mr. Lonrdand, can you tell me wfijf yda
are like a century plant?" Mr. ii nerv
ously adjusted Jiis. eyeglass, wiggled about
in bis chatr and stammered : Be be be
caw cause I shsh shall I live Tor"
for for forever ?" 'fNo y6u dunce; tt'a
because It takes you so long 'Iff leave.""
: One of the prettiest belles of a' skating'
rink near London was fascinating a whole
lot ot admirers by her graceful evolutions
in a Canadian skating costtfhje. Sudden
ly she had a hard fall, and m ber scram
bles tore her left stocking with the points
of her riht skate. 8he gracefully recover-1
eo, and was skating away when she beard!
them laughing behind her. fche indignant
ly looked back, and found she had , marked
Iter path by a line of sawdust,; while ber
left ankle was no longer as shapely as tor
fnerly! """- ' ;----J,- -
A Floating bottle picked up at Portland
Oregon, a few days ago, a"f Bote atatf n
that the trafortuqate writer was at tlie bot
tom of the river, and urged" that"" his 'wife
be nodfiod of the fact.' The lady In ques
tion should hot marry hi fiasJey Jest coai
plications' result. - Thia ,. may new
Oregen style ot cheap divorces. It will be:
better to ,-seea connrumtorv yiucii.w .
-..v.. ' ' - y.-.. .'':- y '-
A grand sham fight is to coma tZt
St. Petersburg,- whtch ws:l f 'K
lets a chance to blow tha buL
pnntde ground. ' T" V- '
Ue Csat-TS ailure, - i : "
1 1 .