The Albany register. (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, November 13, 1874, Image 4

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    COLL. "S'-A. N CLEVE-
The postman rang at the door of No.
78 Huntington place, and our only ser
vant a slow-paced creature working on
half wages, took her own time to answer
his summons. And no wonder ! It was
one of the sultriest mornings in mid
summer, and everybody who is any
body had long been out of town. "We
ourselves would have liked to be in the
country, too ; but, Oh, what hard work
it was to live anywhere on poor mam
ma's small income! The effort kept us
continually in bad temper, and it was
by no means surprising that when the
letter brought by the aforesaid post
man was duly considered, we all floated
into a stormy discussion respecting its
" You ought to be willing to do most
anything," said my sister Henrietta,
" to get away at all. Aunt Bucklev's
111 VILil 111 '11 lO UlilT 1U1 UJWIUC1 111111 J . 1U1 1
. fT wfc rfr,t ro),v n't, w, ri
i . j - - i r, ,1 .1 x
a lew weeas : but wliy can t you write
and say you haven't been strong lately,
and the doctor urges a change of air ?
You'd be perfectly sure of an invitation
by return of mail. Then we could shut
up tne nouse, ana twoiua be such a i
I sprang up at this keen proposition.
and, looking in the glass, beheld the
rounded, womanly form of a girl of
nineteen, a pair of clear and healthy
hazel eyes, soft, waving hair, and not
the first indication of feeble health.
"It won't succeed, Henrietta," said
I, gravely ; ' but. if it's necessary for
somebody to personate the invalid,
take the role yourself, and your affec
tionate little sister will go along to take
care of yon."
" Dora, yonr insolence is just un
bearable, I do say. Mamma, would it
do for me to personate the invalid ?"
said Henrietta, in a rage.
"Decidedly not," replied mamma;
' and you ought to know, Dora, that
when a young man seconds an invita
tion to a young lady so cordially as
Harry Buckley has this one, he feels
more than a cousinly interest merely.
I fancy Harry means -weli, some
thing." Complacent, fat, sandy-haired, sandy
ViwiTiwvi aTirl RfiniW-fnlnrpd arenerallv.
Henrietta sat before me ; ana, as J.
' rv " , "-It
looked at her graceless attitude, her in
expressive face, and pliysique in gen
eral, my thoughts flew to Harry Buck
ley tall, brown-bearded, and aged
twenty-seven. Henrietta was thirty
three if she was a day but, feeling my
hot blood rising, I left the room to
avoid further snarling.
How intensely I did hate the never
ending and petty deceits to which
mamma and Henrietta were always re
sorting in order to keep up appearances.
Now, if I had had my own way, I should
have concluded that merest thought
lessness, or a fancy, perhaps, that I
would not enjoy six weeks at a ram
bling old farm-house, had caused my
aunt to exclude me from the invitation
sent to mamma and Henrietta. And I
should have frankly written to my
father's dear and only sister, apd said
I should so like to visit her at the same
time with my mother and sister. But
to go by any other than fair and open
means was absolutely distasteful in
thought alone. Mamma and Henrietta,
however, could not appreciate my feel
ing, and in the conversation from
which I had broken away they charged
mewith abominable and monstrous self
ishness. As I sat looking out of my window
upon parched back yards, struggling
foliage, and bleaching, blanching
kitchen shutters in the rear of " home,"
I thought perhaps I was too inconsid
erate ; that even while my soul revolted
from so many mean subterfuges and
pettinesses, they were possibly inevita
ble, and I ought to be resigned to my
share. Perhaps on this very occasion I
ought really to make a compromise,
and do as I was desired. I went at
once to the looking-glass, wet my
brush, and took the curl out of my hair
as far as possible ; then putting on
my last year's faded gray alpaca dress,
I wrapped a little shawl about my
shoulders, and returned to mamma's
room to personate the invalid.
" Henrietta," exclaimed I, opening
the door, " here is my offering on the
altar of sisterly affection."
"Is it possible?" returned my ap
preciative sister; "for once un
selfish ! Well, if you'll only act your
part correctly for a fortnight, the coun
try air will have worked sufficient
good for you to resume your usual ap
pearance." Something in the expression of my
face, actually hot with disgust and
shame, induced mamma to say, " Dora,
dear, people in our circumstances have
to do such tilings "
Which remark I interrupted rather
indecorously by saying, "Please tell
me what's to be the matter gout, con
sumption, or softening of the brain ? I
positivoly object to being rheumatic,
but softening of the brain might ac
count for all my inconsistencies."
Henrietta was provoked again, but
finally it was decided that I should
have no disease, being merely "not at
all strong." A week after we were at
Charters ville Station, and I, languidly
lying back among the shawls and satch
els of our luggage, waited while mam
ma and Henrietta attended to our trans
fer to aunt Buckley's residence. Some
one crossed the station-room floor, and
lo ! my cousin Harry was standing by
my aide.
"Why, Harry 1"
" Why, Dora 1" he exclaimed, ex
citedlv : " I've iust seen aunt Henrietta,
and they tell me you are ill. You don't
look so, though."
"But I am worse far man you
rlrcam " I recked.
" Wall well." said the good fellow,
fmfteninff down. " we must get you well
.mm if von reallv are sick : but I de-
Mara- I will cav I never saw you look
ing better. I'm off for a few days, not
being aware that you were coming to
Charters ville, and hello ! there's my
Harry was gone ; and Henrietta, rush
ing in, exclaimed, " Dear me, Dora !
in the world did you say to Har-
all I could : I made myself
liar, and I feel just as contemptible as
von mieht suppose.
"Dora Langdon ! exclaimed my
m nA .I'lUr "von re nothing but
selfish thing, and you behave precisely
aa I supposed you would under the eir-
r,tJ a broken reed vou are to
OUUIDMIuuwn -,
trust to." Henrietta raised her sandy
eyebrows, with a martyred air, and I
rrt invalid-like into aunt Buckley s
The grand old farm house, made of
i -mr-itVi nia -fashioned sra-
bles peaks, and windows, stood upon a
sloping hillside at the entrance to a
Lovely Berkshire valley. Handsome
harai. granaries, and a picturesque
gray dairy with Swiss-like eaves, added
to the landscape, -while exquisite walks,
flower lawns, and nestled shrubberies
made the place most lovely. The ex
cellent and hospitable relative to whom
we were indebted for our exceeding
comfort left nothing untried to secure
our happiness and improve my health.
Weeks passed by, and, Harry having
returned from his southern trip, we
were comparatively a most contented
group ; and had it not been for certain
pointed thrusts of his, all bearing upon
my appearance, health, etc., I should
have been right happy. But I could
not stifle conscience, and always avert
ing my eyes and flushing painfully when
Harry spoke about my health, I became
actually ill from mere and sheer nerv
ousness. Henrietta, too, dressed in
girlish fineries, laces, flowers, jewels,
and floating ribbons, always made a
foil of me with the close-throated wrap
pers, heavy somber dresses, and prac
tical, unbecoming shawls appropriate
to an invalid ; until, weary of deceit,
and actually suffering from restraint, I
became as unstrung as any bona fide
" Dora," said Henrietta, one day, as
wiio ill L i lit- ill'I ill" . 1 ill a
she was arraying herself in a girlish
1 . T 1 - r. 1 ,j ,1 1 .
Wne grenadine, '' don't you really think
Harry is marked in his attentions to
me before strangers, and everywhere,
indeed, for that matter? didn't you
think him devoted yesterday at din
ner? "
" How should I know ?" I crossly an
swered ; " I, at least, was devoted to
my dinner."
"Yes, and to your companion a
widower a good match a wealthy
farmer, Dora !"
I rushed from the room disgusted,
weary of myself, tired of life, and full
of contempt for a woman's miserable
managings. I went down to the dining
room, and stood looking out of the win
dow at the glorious summer morning,
with which my poor heart had so very
little sympathy. Some one, and that
some one Harry, sauntered into the
room behind me, and presently said :
" So you're all going picnicking to
day, I hear?"
"Yes," I replied ; " are you not going,
" Not I," said- Harry ; "I take no in
terest in such doubtful pleasures, and I
never pretend interest, or anything else,
for that matter !"
Though my face burned hotly, I re
sponded :
" One has of ten to do many things
r il i i l.'i i:m
ior me ai.e ui (wuicuess a nine jjic
tense, then, is necessary.'
" What a creed !" ejaculated Harry,
by this time become my vis-a-vis at the
window ; " I consider acting deceitful
ly to be more than contemptible ; and
I would avoid the person who did that
thing as I would a victim of the plague. "
My brain turned giddy, and I could
not reply. Suddenly Harry caught my
hand, and exclaimed :
" Dora ! Dora ! what's the matter
with yon ?"
"Nothing," sail I, feeblv ; "let me
Harry released me immediately, and
I dropped into a chair, while he, bend
ing over my head and smoothing my
hair tenderly, said in a compassionate
voice, Jr"oor little one, you are not
strong ; this being pulled
about the 1
country to visit is too much for you
.Bursting fortli witn tne tears 1 could ;
no longer repress, x rusnea up to my
mother's room, sobbing bitterly. Wheii
I had explained my misery, Henrietta I
said, Always think of yourself ; if you
will, you will, though, and we must all j
be content, and try to bear it."
"I m sure 1 don t know from whom you ;
inherit your strange disposition," said I
mother "not from me, certainly. Do j
go and bathe your face, and come down i
stairs like a rational being." But I could j
not, and, still sobbing, a gentle knock j
was heard at the door, and Aunt .Buck
ley entered. Her fair, sweet face was
full of sympathy when, coming to me,
she gently kissed my forehead, and
said, "Dora, dear, you are really ill ;
Harry is right ; you are not strong
enough for all this excitement of going
over the country, visiting and riding
continually." Turning to mamma and
Henrietta, Aunt .Buckley continued,
" This girl ought not to go to the picnic
to-day ; she is utterly unfit for any more
I quite agree with you," chimed in
Henrietta, to which mamma added,
les ; but it s nothing now but nerv
ousness ; nevertheless, quiet will do
Dora more good than anything else, anil
by all means I shall have her stay at
It was late in the afternoon, and I
had tried to read, but as often as I turned
the page every character danced before
my eyes. At last I sauntered down
stairs, thinking to find a favorite Ger
man poem ; but the house, empty and
delightfully cool and quiet, suggested
music ; so I sat at the piano lazily
fingering some waltzes, until finally
I wandered to Scotch ballads. Singing
the old Border song softly under my
breath, I came to
" Will ye coma back to me, Donglas?
Will ye coiae back to me noo ?"
and suddenly stopped, hearing a foot
step close beside me. It was Harry.
Who s the Douglas you are making
vows to, Dora ? he inquired.
No one in particular, said X, turn
ing away my face.
I ll tell yon, Dora, said ne; "i
came from tne picnic quite onending
every one ; but I was restless and un
happy. I had something to say to you
that has already been too long delayed.
I hope you can imagine what it is ?"
1 could not answer ; an awiui weignt
of pain, apprehension and humiliation
took away my voice.
"Not one wora, aear Doray
And still I could not speak, conscious
though I was that my silence under the
circumstances was derogatory to myself.
" Dora," said Harry, rather severely,
" if you love me, and will be my wife,
why refuse to say so ?"
" Because," I exclaimed, springing
up before him suddenly, " because I
am a hypocrite, and I am a liar! I
have been acting a falsehood ever since
I came here, Harry," and gaining
strength as I emerged from my dread
ful cloud of duplicity, I told my lover
all. When I had finished, Harry stood
looking in my face intently.
" Dora," said he, " were you acting a
part this morning in the dining-room,
and afterwards, when mother went to
your room ?"
" No, indeed, Harry," I answered ;
" there was no ' acting then ; I was ut
terly overcome by what you said about
deceit and ' acting lies,' and I thought
I should have died !"
Harry still stood by the piano with
his hands folded. At last he said very
gravely :
" You have acted badly, Dora ; you
know right from wrong ; but here, my
darling ! I promise you that the sub
ject shail never again be mentioned be
tween us." And seating ran on the
sofa, and folding his great, strong arms
around me, Harry added, tenderly,
" When we are married, Dora, we shall
be one ; you will be me, assd I shall be
you, as the children say, and there will
be no occasion for either tc reproach
the other for duplicity or petty selfish
ness. My mother loves you, but we
must begin our record right, and tell
her all. Afterwards, my darling why,
afterwards means a new world and a
new life with us it shall be a true one."
And so we Were betrothed ; and thus
far in our brief new life the subject of
keeping up appearances has never been
a topic, nor has the painful experience
of my summer as an invalid ever been
referred to.
Spnrgeon on Smoking.
Mr. Spnrgeon has addressed a letter
to the papers on account of it having
been stated that that on a recent Sun
day evening, when a minister in his
chapel had condemned smoking, he
rose after the sermon, and expressed
his dissent from the preacher, adding
that it was possible to "smoke to the
glory of God," and that he hoped to
enjoy a cigar that evening before he
went to bed. Mr. Spurgeon says : "I
j demur altogether, and most positively,
to the statement that to smoke tobacco
I is in itself a sin. It may become so, as
any other indifferent action may, but as
i an action it is no sin. Together with
j hundreds of thousands of my fellow
! Christians, I have smoked, and with
i them I am under the condemnation of
j living in habitual sin, if certain acens
I ers are to be believed. As I would not
j knowingly live even in the smallest
! violation of the law of God, and the sin
J in the transgression of the law, I will
i not own to sin when I am not conscious
j of it. There is growing up in society a
pharisaic system which adds to the
! commands of God the precepts of men ;
: to that system I will not yield for an
hour. The preservation of my liberty
I may bring upon me the upbraidings of
many of the good and the sneers of the
j self-righteous ; but I shall endure both
j with serenity so long as I feel clear in
! my conscience before God. The ex
! pression ' smoking to the glory of God '
; standing alone has an ill sound, and I
i do not justify it ; but in the sense in
; which I employed 4t I still stand to it.
; No Christian "should do anything in
i which he cannot glorify God and this
! may be done, according to Scripture, in
; eating and drinking and the common
i Tactions of life. When I have found in-
tense pain relieved, a weary brain
soothed, and calm, refreshing sleep ob
' tained by a cigar, I have felt grateful to
God and have blessed his name ; this is
what I meant, and by no means did I use
sacred words tnflingly. If through
I smoking I had wasted "an hour of my
time if I had stinted my gifts to the
poor if I had rendered my mind less
vigorous I trust I should see my fault
and turn from it ; but he who charges
me with these things shall have no an
swer but my forgiveness. I am told
that my open avowal will lessen my in
fluence, and my reply is that if I have
gained any influence through being
thought different from what I am, I
have no wish to retain it. I will do
nothing upon the sly, and nothing
about which I have a doubt."
Lire Stock and Population.
Prof. Thorold Rogers, of Oxford Uni
versity, England, has made up a curious
return of the proportion of domesticated
live stock to population in the most
prominent countries in the wprid. It
shows the following results : Great
Britain has one cow to every twelve per
sons, a sheep for everybody, and one pig
for every six.
France has a like proportion of sheep,
a double share, comparatively, of cows,
but only one pig to six persons.
The Swedes have a cow between three
and one-half of them, a sheep between
two and three-quarters, and a pig to a
baker's dozen.
There are as many sheep as there are
Norwegians in Norway, when they are
all at home, and two and one-half of
them the Norwegians are entitled to
a cow. They can have only one
eighteenth of a pig each.
Denmark has a cow for three persons,
as many sheep as persons, and a pig for
four and three-quarters pertons.
Prussia, with her usual uniformity,
has an equal number of cows and pigs,
one to every five inhabitants, besides a
sheep apiece all round.
Wurtemberg has a quarter as many
cows as people, a sheep to two and
three-quarters and a pig to seven.
Bavaria rates the same as Wurtem
berg, as to cows and sheep, and is as
much better off for pigs as one-lif th is
better than one-seventh.
Saxony has a sheep and a pig for
every eight persons, and a cow for
every six.
Holland has a cow to four, a sheep to
four, and a pig to twelve persons.
Belgium, a cow to six, a sheep to
nine, and a pig to eight (which is a
Hibernicism. )
Austria has a cow to six persons, and
a sheep and a pig to every five.
Switzerland runs up to the Swedish
standard on cows, one to three and one
half persons, and has a sheep for five
and a pig for seven and one-half per
sons. We Americans close tne list witn a
cow for every four of us, a sheep apiece,
one pig to every one and one-half.
Lime Water for Burn-.
A correspondent of the New York
Sun writes to that journal that the
readiest and most useful remedy for
scalds and burns is an embrocation of
limewater and linseed oil. These sim
ple agents combined form a thick,
cream-like substance, which effectually
excludes the air from the injured parts,
and allayB the inflammation almost in
stantly. He mentions a case where a
child fell backward into a bath-tub of
boiling water, and was nearly flayed
from her neck to below her hips. Her
agonies were indescribable ; but her
clothing being gently removed, and the
lime and eil preparation quickly spread
over the injured surface, she was sound
asleep in five minutes. Subsequently
the parts were carefullj washed witn
warm milk and water three times a day,
the oil dressing renewed, and the little
patient rapidly recovered. Though all
the scalded skin came off, she did net
have a scar. This remedy leaves no
hard coat or dry on the sores, but soft
ens the parts, and aids nature to repair
the injury in the readiest and moBt ex
peditious manner.
Prick of Meat East and West. Sir
loin steak in Boston is thirty-three to
thirty-five cents per pound ; in New
York it is twenty-five to thirty; in
Philadelphia twenty-five to twenty
eight ; and in Washington twenty-five
to forty ; and good steaks are scarce at
these high prices. In Iowa, before it
is starved, beaten, banged in cars and
pens and predisposed to putridity, the
best steaks are from ten to twelve cents.
Which proves that before long the bulk
of the meat eaten East will be slaugh
tered West and sent forward in refrig
erator oars. The trade from Texas in
this style is already a great one.
Over 100,000 negroes have gene into
Texas since 1870.
Mark Twain's Cold.
The first time I began to sneeze, a
friend told me to go and bathe my feet
in hot water and go to bed. I did so.
Shortly after another friend told me to
get up and take a cold shower-bath. I
did that also. Within the hour, another
friend assured me that it was policy to
feed a cold and starve a fever. I had
both. So I thought it best to fill my
self up for the cold, and let the fever
starve a while. In a case of this kind I
seldom do things by halves ; I ate pret
ty heartily. I conferred my custom
upon a stranger, who had just opened a
restaurant on Cortlandt street, near the
hotel, that morning, paying so much
for a full meal. He waited mear me in
respectful silence until I had finished
feeding my cold, when he inquired if
the people about New York wer.e much
afflicted with colds. I told him I thought
they were. He then went out and took
in his sign.
I started up toward the office, and on
the way encountered another bosom
friend,, who told me that a quart of
warm salt-water would come as near
curing a cold as aaything in the world.
I hardly thought I had room for it, but
tried it anyhow. The result was sur
prising. I believe I threw up my im
mortal soul. Now, as I give my ex
perience only for the benefit of those of
your friends who are troubled with this
distemper, I feel that they will see the
propriety of my cautioning them against
following such portions of it as proved
inefficient with me, and acting upon this
conviction, I warn them against warm
salt-water. It may be a good enough
remeay, but I think it is rather too
severe. If had another cold in the heaa
and there was no course left me but to
take either an earthquaked or a quart of
warm salt water, I would take my
chances on the earthquake. After this
everybody in the hotel became interest
ed, and I took all sorts of remedies
hot lemonade, cold lemonade, pepper
tea, boneset, stewed Quaker, hoarhound
sirup, onions and loaf-sugar, lemons
and brown sugar, vinegar and lauda
num, five bottles fir balsam, eight
bottles cherry pectoral, and ten
bottles Uncle Sam's remedy, but
all without effect. One of the pre
scriptions given by an old lady was
well, it was dreadful. She mixed a de
coction composed of molasses, catnip,
peppermint, Aqua fortis, turpentine,
and various other drugs, and instructed
me to take a wineglassful of it every
fifteen minutes. I never took but one
dose ; that was enough. I had to take
to my bed, and remain there for two
entire days. When I felt a little bet
ter more things were recommended. I
was desperate, and willing to take any
thing. Plain gin was recommended,
then gin and onions. I took all three.
I detected no particular result, how
ever, except that I had acquired a
breath like a turkey-buzzard, and had
to change my boarding-place. At this
new place they suggested a different
remedy to any yet tried. A sheet bath
was recommended. I had never refused
a remedy yet, and it seemed poor
policy to commence then ; therefore I
determined to take a sheet bath,
though I had no idea what sort of an
arrangement it was. It was adminis
tered at midnight, and the weather was
very frosty. My back and breast were
stripped, and a sheet (there appeared
to be a thousand yards of it), soaked in j
ice-water was wound around me until I j
resembled a swab for a columbiad. It
is a cruel expedient. When the chilly
rag touches one's flesh it makes him !
start with sudden violence and gasp for j
breath, just as men do in the death j
agony. It froze the marrow in my
bones and stopped the beating of my
heart. I thought my time had come.
When I recovered from this a friend I
recommended the application of a mus- 1
tard plaster to my breast. I believe !
that would have cured me effectually if it
had not been for young Clemens. When !
I went to bed I put the mustard plaster
where I could reach it when I should
be ready for it. But young Clemens
got hungry in the night and ate it up.
I never saw a child with such an appe
tite. I am confident that he would
have eaten me if I had been healthy.
After all this experience you cannot
wonder that I dread going to New
The Path of the Israelites.
The Oriental Congress recently held
in London, discussed among many
other things, the tradition of the pass
age of the Bed Sea by the Israelites.
A paper was read on this theme by
Brugsch Bey, a distinguished Egyptian
scholar. He was commissioned, some
time since, by the Viceroy of Egypt to
determine as exactly as might be the
precise geographical location of the
famous passage. He has studied the
country carefully. In support of his
theory, he submitted maps, copies of
old inscriptions, geological drawings,
etc. The country north of the Bed Sea,
between it and Ihe Mediterranean, is in
many places low and marshy. It is li
able to overflow. Geology shows that
the two sens have sometimes met in one.
A high wind will even now send the
waters of the Bed Sea rolling far to the
northward of their usual boundary.
The path pursued by the Israelites was
north of the present limits of the sea.
Brugsch Bey's geographical researches
have shown this. His theory is that the
Hebrews reached the low-lying region
at a time when it was overflowed ; that
the waters subsided to their natural
level on account of a lull in the wind,
and thus allowed safe passage ; and that
the pursuing Egyptians were caught,
as single travelers have sometimes been
since, by the northward rush of the
water driven by another high wind from
the south. This plausible theory,
which reconciles the Biblical account
with the possibilities of science, was
generally accepted by the Congress.
The Brooklyn Argus says that Dr. J.
P. Thompson, of the New York Taber
nacle, has already come to this conclu
sion, and that he has not been alone in
his views. The submission of the theory
shows that scientific researches may
confirm, as well as oppose, the Bible.
Railroad Earnings.
The following is a fall list of the rail
road companies which have reported
their gross
Atlantic & Pacific.
Central Pacific
Cleveland, Col., Cin
& lad
Illinois Central
Ind., Bloom, k Western.. .
Michigan Central
Ohio & Mississippi
St. L., Alton & T. H. main . .
St. L., A. T. H. branches .
St. L Iron M. & Southern..
St. Louis & Southeastern . . .
Toledo, Peoria & Warsaw...
Toledo, Wabash & Western..
Net decrease
Three weeks only of September in each year.
An enthusiastic admirer of Gold
smith Maid has polled two hairs from
the great trotter's tail, and intends to
have them woven into a ring. He r eeds
ping hat to stow his ears in.
the: tckkev and the crow.
A pompons old Turkey, conceited and vain,
As deeming himself of a lordlier breed
Than the wandering birds of the forest and plin,
Once challenged a Crvw to a trial of speed.
If yon e'er saw a Croto as he sailed through the say,
And noticed how lightly and swiftly be went,
Compared with a Turkey attempting to fly,
Of this notable match you will guess the event.
m x gay i screamed the Gobbler, as falling behind
He saw his antagonist certain to win,
'Look here ! did it ever occur to your mind
You're as black aa the deuce, and as ugly as sin?
" Moreover," he crtea, " I have frequently heard
You're the odious tool of the treach erous Fatea
A wicked, uncanny, Plutonian bird ;
A monster of evil whom every one hates !
" Away with yourself 1 it is loathsome to Bee
A fowl who ou carrion feeds with ilelicrht
From birdB who are decent no won der yon flee
The faBter, the better ! quick ! out of
The match being over, the winner replied :
" You spoke of my coloi Uiat isn't the thing ;
The question, I think, which we met to decide
Was which of the two is the fleetest of wing ! '
Some critics aware they are likely to fail
In argument, follow a similar plan ;
The works of the author twere vain to assail,
And so they endeavor to injure the man I
John G. Saxe.
Fashionable fall suite Libel suits.
The less men think the more they
What kind of sweetmeats were in the
ark ? Preserved pairs.
Although a woman's age is undenia
bly her own, she does not own it.
The longest word in the English lan
guage is smiles, because there is a mile
between the first and last letters.
Dku; .Tank is gone, my darling Dan,
She was calcined yesterday ;
But the wind upset the tomato can,
And blew her ashes away.
A new proverb says : " The man
who sets out a single shade tree is bet
ter than the founder of a base ball
A beautiful poem has been publish
ed in Providence, beginning :
1 sixteen hundred and thirty-six,
ltoger Williams got into a fix
By saucing the Governor of Massachusetts,
And skedaddled away to Hbode Island.
One of the "Black Crook" ballet
girls fell on the footlights at San Fran
cisco a few evenings since, but escaped
burning from the fact that she had
nothing on which could take fire.
" What time is it up there where you
are ?" said a little upstart of a fop to a
very tall lady with an unbrella. She
hit him on the head with her umbrella,
and replied, " It has just struck one."
An Indiana man, with a turn for sta
tistics, caculates that his faithful dog,
ten years of age, has cost him $234.25
for hash, and $25 for licence. The dog
is now for sale. Price, ten cents.
At a recent meeting of a society com
posed of men from the Emerald Isle,
a member made the following motion :
" Mr. President, I move yees whitewash
the ceiling green, in honor of the owld
"Joshua," said Quiz's landlady to
her hopeful, at breakfast yesterday ;
" Joshua, what is an heir apparent ?"
"There's one on the butter, mother,"
replied the unfilial youngster. And the
old lady lit upon him with the coffee
pot. An angry teacher was whipping a pu
pil, and having prolonged the exercise
far beyond the bounds of moderation,
the boy looked up and calmly said,
" Come, sir, you must be tired, let's
take a rest ;" and he wrested the whip
from the teacher's hand.
A party of young men were out sere
nading a few nights since. They sat
on the pavement, which had recently
been paved with a tar solution. Next
morning the rear of six pairs of pants
dotted the walk, and music is heard no
more around that cottage.
" How much is your stick candy ?"
inquired a boy of a candy dealer, on
Tuesday. " Six sticks for live cents."
" Six sticks fer five cents, eh ? Now
lem'me see, six sticks fer five cents, five
fer four cents, four fer three cents,
three fer two cents, two fer one cent,
one fer nothin. I'll take one," and he
walked out, leaving the candy man in a
state of bewilderment, which lasted
three days.
A chicken found an egg one day,
Laid by a goose that had a mission
And had deserted it ; so she
Sat down on it to hold possession.
She liked its looks; 'twas smooth and white;
So heedless of the baleful comet.
She sat and sat, till lo! one night
A tiny gOBling fluttered from it !
The old goose saw, and wept aloud,
Who broke my darling toy ?" she driveled
" I s'pose I must have been too proud."
And wiped her eyes and gently sniveled.
"I cannot lie," said chickeybid ;
" Go, make another one to match it ;
Who mashed that shell ? You bet did
I did it with my little hatch it !"
A Modern Pygmalion.
The Droit relates that a man has just
died in the Bicetre Asylum whose luna
cy had a very singular origin. His
name was Justin, and he exhibited wax
work figures at Montrouge, his gallery
consisting of temporary celebrities
and great criminals. On a pedestal in
the center was the figure of a young
girl remarkable for her graceful figure
and perfect features, her hair falling in
long curls over her naked shoulders.
Justin had named her Eliza, and was so
struck by her beauty that he passed
hours in contemplating her. She seemed
to him to speak, and her blue eyes,
with their long eyelashes, seemed to
respond 10 his passion. Under the in
fluence of this illusion he neglected his
business, and for want of a showman
to puff it people no longer visited the
gallery. Poverty succeeded easy cir
cumstances ; the modern Pygmalion
could not separate himself from Eliza.
His wife was obliged to sleep on a bare
mattress, and when she remonstrated he
ill-treated her. Irritated at the unjust
harshness, she one day destroyed the
wax figure. Justin was furious at see
ing the fragments, and seizing a broom
stick he struck his wife, and would have
killed her had not her cries drawn the
neighbors to her assistance. Justin,
who had lost his reason, had to be se
cured, and was an inmate of Bicetre for
five years, living up to the last under
the charm of Eliza, whose image seemed
always before him.
Thb Largest Citcbs or the World.
A report from the Washington Bu
reau of Statistics gives an account Of
the population of the various countries
of the world. Among other details it
gives the following as the population of
the twenty-five largest cities in the
world : London, 3,254,260 ; Sutchan
(China), 2,000,000; Paris, 1,851,792;
Pekin, 1,300,000 ; Tschantsohau-fu, 1,
000,000 ; Hangtschau-fu, 1,500,000 ;
Siangtan, 1,000,000; Singnang-fa, 1,
000,000 ; Canton, 1,000,000 ; New York,
942,202; Tienstin, 900,000; Vienna,
834,284 ; Berlin, 826,341 ; Kankau, 800,
000 ; Caloutta, 794,645 ; Toko (Yeddo),
674,477; Philadelphia, 674,022; St.
Petersburg, 667,963 ; Bombay, 644,406;
Moscow, 611,970 ; Constantinople, 600,
000; Liverpool, 493,405; and Rio de
Janeiro, 420,000.
Exchange Office,
Deposits received subject to check at sight.
luterest allowed on time deposits in coin.
Exchange ou Portland, San Francisco and New
York for sale at lowest rates.
Collections made and promptly remitted.
Kefers to H. W. Corlett, Henry Falling, W. S.
Banking hours from 8 a. m. to 4 p. m.
Albany, Feb. 1, 1874. 22vC
Albany, Obegon.
J. w.
Attorney and
Counselor at Law,
Will practice in all the Courts in the Second, Third
and Fourth Judicial Districts, in the Supreme Court
of Oregon, and in the U. 8. District and Circuit
Oilice in Parrish brick (up-stairs), in office occu
pied by the late N. II. Cranor, First street, Albany,
Oregon. tol5vt
IX B. RICE, M. D.,
Office, Firxt-st.. Betireen Ferry aivl Washington.
Residence, Third street, two blocks below or east
of Methodist Church, Albany, Oregou. v5n40
Attorneys and Counselors at Law,
L. Flinn, Notary Public), Albany, Oregon. Collec
tions and conveyances promptly attended to. 1
Albany Book Store.
Dealer in
Miscellaneous Boohs, School Books, Blank
Books, Stationery, Fancy Articles, tc.
Books imported to order at Bhorteet possible no
tice. viiu:iO
33 E
Albany, Oregon.
Office in Parrisli Brick Block, corner First and
Ferry streets.
Residence, corner Fifth and Ferry streets.
Office hours from 8 to 12 o'clock a. m. and 1 to 5
O'clock p. m. 18vti
Epizootics Distanced.
And is flourishing like a green bay tree. Thankful
for past favors, and wishing to merit ihe continu
ance of the same, the BAY TEAM will always be
ready, and easily found, to do any hauling within
the city limits, for a reasonable compensation.
t-Sr" Deliverv of goods a specialty.
20v5 A. K. ARNOLD, Proprietor,
Dealer in
Groceries. Provisions. Tobacco. Cigars,
Cutlery, Crockery, and Wood and Willow Ware.
Albany, Oregon.
DF" Call and see him. 24v5
The Metzler Chair!
Can be had at the following places:
Harrisbnrg Sam May
Junction City Smith & Brasfleld
Brownsville.". Kirk & Hume
Haisey J. M. Morgan
Scio J. J. Brown
Albany Graf & Collar
A full supply can also be obtained at my old shop
on First street, Albanv, Oregon.
Piles! Piles!
Why say this damaging and troublesome com
plaint cannot be cured, when so many evidences of
success might be placed before you every day
cures of supposed hoiieless cases ? Your physician
informs you that the longer you allow the complaint
to exit, you lessen your chances for relief. Ex
perience ha taittjht thin in all case.
A. Carotners & Co.'s Pile Pills & Ointment
Are all they are recommended to be. Will cure
Chronic, Blind and Bleeding Piles in a very shcrt
time, and are eonvenifttt to ve.
This preparation is sent by mail or express to any
point within the United States at $1.50 per package.
Address A. CARO THERS & CO ,
27v5 Box Alabany. Oregon.
Groceries aid Provisions,
Has juat opened his new grocery establishment, on
Comer of Ellsworth and First Streets,
With a fresh stock of Groceries, Provisions, Candies.
Cigars, Tobacco, kc, to which he invites the atten
tion of our citizens.
In connection with the store he will keep a Bakery,
and will always have ou hand a full supply of fresh
Mread, Crackers, &c.
Cl? Call and see me.
February Ifi 24 v4
The Old Stove Depot
John Briggs,
Dealer in
Cook, Parlor and Box Steves !
A Ii S O
Tin, Sheet Iron and Copper Ware,
And the usual aseortraent of Furnishing Goods to
be obtained in a Tin Store.
Repairs neatly and promptly executed on reason
able terms.
Short Reckonings Make Long Friends.
Front Street, Albany.
Dee. S, 1874. 1
Everything New.
Manufacturers and Dealers in
Bureaus, Bedsteads, Tables, Lounges,
Sofa, Spring Beds; Chairs, etc.,
Always on hand or made to order on the shortest
Furniture repaired expeditiously and at fair rates.
Salesroom and Factory on Vint Street,
near Bthmcer'i Bakery.
Albany, Feb. 28, 1874-25. GRAF & COLLAR.
A. W. GAMBLE, M. D.,
Office on First St., over Weed's (frocery Elcrt
Residence opposite late residence of John C. Mcn
denhall, near the Foundry, First street, Albany.
October 22, 1873.
Webfoot M arket!
Having leased the Vebfoot Market, on First street,
adjoining Gradwohl's, respectfully asks a share of
the public patronage. The market will bo kept con
stantly supplied with all kinds of fresh meats. Call
and see.
fjr- The highest cash price paid for Hides.
Albany, August 14, 1874.
W. H. McFarland,
(Late K. M. Harvey A Co.,)
Next Door to Conner's Bank,
Force and Lift Pumps,
Lead and Iron Pipe,
Hollow Ware,
House Furnishing Hardware,
Tin , Copper I Sheet Iron Ware .
June 11, 1874.
Foundry and Macniie Sim
A. F. CHERRY, Proprietor,
Steam Engines.
Flour and Saw Mill Machinery,
Wood-Working & Agricnltural Machinery.
And all kinds of
Iron and Brass Castings.
Particular attention paid to repairing all kinds ci
machinery. 41 v3
Drugs, Chemicals.
Oils, Paints,
Dyes, Class,
Lamps, Etc..
All the popular
Particular care and promptness given physiciacs '
prescriptions and family refines.
Albany, Oresron. 4v5
TO bvi
&c, &c, &c. ,
Cheap for Cash. I
Coniitry Produce of All Kinds BonEbt
For Merchandise or Cash.
This is the p'aoe to get the
Best Bargains Ever Offered in Albany.
Parties will always do well to call and ne e for them
selves. H. WELD.
First Street, Albany, Oregon.
Mustang Liniment
Was first known in America. Ite merits are ne w
well known throughout the habitable world. It has
the oldest and best record of any Liniment In the
world. From the million upon millions of bottles
sold not a single complaint hits ever reached ns. As
a Healing and Pain-Subduing Liniment it has to
equal. It is alike
Sold by all Druggists.
Homestead Tonic
Plantation Bitters
la a pnrely Vegetable Preparation, composed cf
Calisaya Bark, Roots, Herbs and Fruits, among
which will be found Sarsaparillisn, Dandelion, Wild
Cherry, Sassafras, Tansy, Gentian, Sweet Flag-, etc.;
also Tamarinds, Dates, Prunes and Jnniper Berries
preserved in a sufficient quantity (only) of the spirit
of Sugar Cane to keep In any climate. They invari
ably relieve and cure the following complaints :
Dyspepsia, Jaundice, Liver Complaints, Loss of
Appetite, Headache, Bilious Attacks, Fever and
Ague, Summer Complaints, Hour Stomach, Palpita
tion of the Heart, General Debility, etc. They are
especially adapted as a remedy for the diseases to
Are subjected ; and aa a tonic for the Aged. Feeble
and Debilitated, have no equal. They are strictly in
tended as a Temperance Tonic or Bitters, to be
used as a medicine only, and always according to
Sold by all First-Class Druggists.