COLL. "S'-A. N CLEVE- . . OREGON. ALBANY, ACTING A PART. The postman rang at the door of No. 78 Huntington place, and our only ser vant a slow-paced creature working on half wages, took her own time to answer his summons. And no wonder ! It was one of the sultriest mornings in mid summer, and everybody who is any body had long been out of town. "We ourselves would have liked to be in the country, too ; but, Oh, what hard work it was to live anywhere on poor mam ma's small income! The effort kept us continually in bad temper, and it was by no means surprising that when the letter brought by the aforesaid post man was duly considered, we all floated into a stormy discussion respecting its contents. " You ought to be willing to do most anything," said my sister Henrietta, " to get away at all. Aunt Bucklev's 111 VILil 111 '11 lO UlilT 1U1 UJWIUC1 111111 J . 1U1 1 . fT wfc rfr,t ro),v n't, w, ri i . j - - i r, ,1 .1 x a lew weeas : but wliy can t you write and say you haven't been strong lately, and the doctor urges a change of air ? You'd be perfectly sure of an invitation by return of mail. Then we could shut up tne nouse, ana twoiua be such a i saving I" I sprang up at this keen proposition. and, looking in the glass, beheld the rounded, womanly form of a girl of nineteen, a pair of clear and healthy hazel eyes, soft, waving hair, and not the first indication of feeble health. "It won't succeed, Henrietta," said I, gravely ; ' but. if it's necessary for somebody to personate the invalid, take the role yourself, and your affec tionate little sister will go along to take care of yon." " Dora, yonr insolence is just un bearable, I do say. Mamma, would it do for me to personate the invalid ?" said Henrietta, in a rage. "Decidedly not," replied mamma; ' and you ought to know, Dora, that when a young man seconds an invita tion to a young lady so cordially as Harry Buckley has this one, he feels more than a cousinly interest merely. I fancy Harry means -weli, some thing." Complacent, fat, sandy-haired, sandy ViwiTiwvi aTirl RfiniW-fnlnrpd arenerallv. Henrietta sat before me ; ana, as J. ' rv " , "-It looked at her graceless attitude, her in expressive face, and pliysique in gen eral, my thoughts flew to Harry Buck ley tall, brown-bearded, and aged twenty-seven. Henrietta was thirty three if she was a day but, feeling my hot blood rising, I left the room to avoid further snarling. How intensely I did hate the never ending and petty deceits to which mamma and Henrietta were always re sorting in order to keep up appearances. Now, if I had had my own way, I should have concluded that merest thought lessness, or a fancy, perhaps, that I would not enjoy six weeks at a ram bling old farm-house, had caused my aunt to exclude me from the invitation sent to mamma and Henrietta. And I should have frankly written to my father's dear and only sister, apd said I should so like to visit her at the same time with my mother and sister. But to go by any other than fair and open means was absolutely distasteful in thought alone. Mamma and Henrietta, however, could not appreciate my feel ing, and in the conversation from which I had broken away they charged mewith abominable and monstrous self ishness. As I sat looking out of my window upon parched back yards, struggling foliage, and bleaching, blanching kitchen shutters in the rear of " home," I thought perhaps I was too inconsid erate ; that even while my soul revolted from so many mean subterfuges and pettinesses, they were possibly inevita ble, and I ought to be resigned to my share. Perhaps on this very occasion I ought really to make a compromise, and do as I was desired. I went at once to the looking-glass, wet my brush, and took the curl out of my hair as far as possible ; then putting on my last year's faded gray alpaca dress, I wrapped a little shawl about my shoulders, and returned to mamma's room to personate the invalid. " Henrietta," exclaimed I, opening the door, " here is my offering on the altar of sisterly affection." "Is it possible?" returned my ap preciative sister; "for once un selfish ! Well, if you'll only act your part correctly for a fortnight, the coun try air will have worked sufficient good for you to resume your usual ap pearance." Something in the expression of my face, actually hot with disgust and shame, induced mamma to say, " Dora, dear, people in our circumstances have to do such tilings " Which remark I interrupted rather indecorously by saying, "Please tell me what's to be the matter gout, con sumption, or softening of the brain ? I positivoly object to being rheumatic, but softening of the brain might ac count for all my inconsistencies." Henrietta was provoked again, but finally it was decided that I should have no disease, being merely "not at all strong." A week after we were at Charters ville Station, and I, languidly lying back among the shawls and satch els of our luggage, waited while mam ma and Henrietta attended to our trans fer to aunt Buckley's residence. Some one crossed the station-room floor, and lo ! my cousin Harry was standing by my aide. "Why, Harry 1" " Why, Dora 1" he exclaimed, ex citedlv : " I've iust seen aunt Henrietta, and they tell me you are ill. You don't look so, though." "But I am worse far man you rlrcam " I recked. " Wall well." said the good fellow, fmfteninff down. " we must get you well .mm if von reallv are sick : but I de- Mara- I will cav I never saw you look ing better. I'm off for a few days, not being aware that you were coming to Charters ville, and hello ! there's my Harry was gone ; and Henrietta, rush ing in, exclaimed, " Dear me, Dora ! in the world did you say to Har- ? all I could : I made myself liar, and I feel just as contemptible as von mieht suppose. "Dora Langdon ! exclaimed my m nA .I'lUr "von re nothing but selfish thing, and you behave precisely aa I supposed you would under the eir- r,tJ a broken reed vou are to OUUIDMIuuwn -, trust to." Henrietta raised her sandy eyebrows, with a martyred air, and I rrt invalid-like into aunt Buckley s The grand old farm house, made of i -mr-itVi nia -fashioned sra- bles peaks, and windows, stood upon a sloping hillside at the entrance to a Lovely Berkshire valley. Handsome harai. granaries, and a picturesque gray dairy with Swiss-like eaves, added to the landscape, -while exquisite walks, flower lawns, and nestled shrubberies made the place most lovely. The ex cellent and hospitable relative to whom we were indebted for our exceeding comfort left nothing untried to secure our happiness and improve my health. Weeks passed by, and, Harry having returned from his southern trip, we were comparatively a most contented group ; and had it not been for certain pointed thrusts of his, all bearing upon my appearance, health, etc., I should have been right happy. But I could not stifle conscience, and always avert ing my eyes and flushing painfully when Harry spoke about my health, I became actually ill from mere and sheer nerv ousness. Henrietta, too, dressed in girlish fineries, laces, flowers, jewels, and floating ribbons, always made a foil of me with the close-throated wrap pers, heavy somber dresses, and prac tical, unbecoming shawls appropriate to an invalid ; until, weary of deceit, and actually suffering from restraint, I became as unstrung as any bona fide sufferer. " Dora," said Henrietta, one day, as wiio ill L i lit- ill'I ill" . 1 ill a she was arraying herself in a girlish 1 . T 1 - r. 1 ,j ,1 1 . Wne grenadine, '' don't you really think Harry is marked in his attentions to me before strangers, and everywhere, indeed, for that matter? didn't you think him devoted yesterday at din ner? " " How should I know ?" I crossly an swered ; " I, at least, was devoted to my dinner." "Yes, and to your companion a widower a good match a wealthy farmer, Dora !" I rushed from the room disgusted, weary of myself, tired of life, and full of contempt for a woman's miserable managings. I went down to the dining room, and stood looking out of the win dow at the glorious summer morning, with which my poor heart had so very little sympathy. Some one, and that some one Harry, sauntered into the room behind me, and presently said : " So you're all going picnicking to day, I hear?" "Yes," I replied ; " are you not going, too?" " Not I," said- Harry ; "I take no in terest in such doubtful pleasures, and I never pretend interest, or anything else, for that matter !" Though my face burned hotly, I re sponded : " One has of ten to do many things r il i i l.'i i:m ior me ai.e ui (wuicuess a nine jjic tense, then, is necessary.' " What a creed !" ejaculated Harry, by this time become my vis-a-vis at the window ; " I consider acting deceitful ly to be more than contemptible ; and I would avoid the person who did that thing as I would a victim of the plague. " My brain turned giddy, and I could not reply. Suddenly Harry caught my hand, and exclaimed : " Dora ! Dora ! what's the matter with yon ?" "Nothing," sail I, feeblv ; "let me go." Harry released me immediately, and I dropped into a chair, while he, bend ing over my head and smoothing my hair tenderly, said in a compassionate voice, Jr"oor little one, you are not strong ; this being pulled about the 1 country to visit is too much for you .Bursting fortli witn tne tears 1 could ; no longer repress, x rusnea up to my mother's room, sobbing bitterly. Wheii I had explained my misery, Henrietta I said, Always think of yourself ; if you will, you will, though, and we must all j be content, and try to bear it." "I m sure 1 don t know from whom you ; inherit your strange disposition," said I mother "not from me, certainly. Do j go and bathe your face, and come down i stairs like a rational being." But I could j not, and, still sobbing, a gentle knock j was heard at the door, and Aunt .Buck ley entered. Her fair, sweet face was full of sympathy when, coming to me, she gently kissed my forehead, and said, "Dora, dear, you are really ill ; Harry is right ; you are not strong enough for all this excitement of going over the country, visiting and riding continually." Turning to mamma and Henrietta, Aunt .Buckley continued, " This girl ought not to go to the picnic to-day ; she is utterly unfit for any more excitement." I quite agree with you," chimed in Henrietta, to which mamma added, les ; but it s nothing now but nerv ousness ; nevertheless, quiet will do Dora more good than anything else, anil by all means I shall have her stay at home." It was late in the afternoon, and I had tried to read, but as often as I turned the page every character danced before my eyes. At last I sauntered down stairs, thinking to find a favorite Ger man poem ; but the house, empty and delightfully cool and quiet, suggested music ; so I sat at the piano lazily fingering some waltzes, until finally I wandered to Scotch ballads. Singing the old Border song softly under my breath, I came to " Will ye coma back to me, Donglas? Will ye coiae back to me noo ?" and suddenly stopped, hearing a foot step close beside me. It was Harry. Who s the Douglas you are making vows to, Dora ? he inquired. No one in particular, said X, turn ing away my face. I ll tell yon, Dora, said ne; "i came from tne picnic quite onending every one ; but I was restless and un happy. I had something to say to you that has already been too long delayed. I hope you can imagine what it is ?" 1 could not answer ; an awiui weignt of pain, apprehension and humiliation took away my voice. "Not one wora, aear Doray And still I could not speak, conscious though I was that my silence under the circumstances was derogatory to myself. " Dora," said Harry, rather severely, " if you love me, and will be my wife, why refuse to say so ?" " Because," I exclaimed, springing up before him suddenly, " because I am a hypocrite, and I am a liar! I have been acting a falsehood ever since I came here, Harry," and gaining strength as I emerged from my dread ful cloud of duplicity, I told my lover all. When I had finished, Harry stood looking in my face intently. " Dora," said he, " were you acting a part this morning in the dining-room, and afterwards, when mother went to your room ?" " No, indeed, Harry," I answered ; " there was no ' acting then ; I was ut terly overcome by what you said about deceit and ' acting lies,' and I thought I should have died !" Harry still stood by the piano with his hands folded. At last he said very gravely : " You have acted badly, Dora ; you know right from wrong ; but here, my darling ! I promise you that the sub ject shail never again be mentioned be tween us." And seating ran on the sofa, and folding his great, strong arms around me, Harry added, tenderly, " When we are married, Dora, we shall be one ; you will be me, assd I shall be you, as the children say, and there will be no occasion for either tc reproach the other for duplicity or petty selfish ness. My mother loves you, but we must begin our record right, and tell her all. Afterwards, my darling why, afterwards means a new world and a new life with us it shall be a true one." And so we Were betrothed ; and thus far in our brief new life the subject of keeping up appearances has never been a topic, nor has the painful experience of my summer as an invalid ever been referred to. Spnrgeon on Smoking. Mr. Spnrgeon has addressed a letter to the papers on account of it having been stated that that on a recent Sun day evening, when a minister in his chapel had condemned smoking, he rose after the sermon, and expressed his dissent from the preacher, adding that it was possible to "smoke to the glory of God," and that he hoped to enjoy a cigar that evening before he went to bed. Mr. Spurgeon says : "I j demur altogether, and most positively, to the statement that to smoke tobacco I is in itself a sin. It may become so, as any other indifferent action may, but as i an action it is no sin. Together with j hundreds of thousands of my fellow ! Christians, I have smoked, and with i them I am under the condemnation of j living in habitual sin, if certain acens I ers are to be believed. As I would not j knowingly live even in the smallest ! violation of the law of God, and the sin J in the transgression of the law, I will i not own to sin when I am not conscious j of it. There is growing up in society a pharisaic system which adds to the ! commands of God the precepts of men ; : to that system I will not yield for an hour. The preservation of my liberty I may bring upon me the upbraidings of many of the good and the sneers of the j self-righteous ; but I shall endure both j with serenity so long as I feel clear in ! my conscience before God. The ex ! pression ' smoking to the glory of God ' ; standing alone has an ill sound, and I i do not justify it ; but in the sense in ; which I employed 4t I still stand to it. ; No Christian "should do anything in i which he cannot glorify God and this ! may be done, according to Scripture, in ; eating and drinking and the common i Tactions of life. When I have found in- tense pain relieved, a weary brain soothed, and calm, refreshing sleep ob ' tained by a cigar, I have felt grateful to God and have blessed his name ; this is what I meant, and by no means did I use sacred words tnflingly. If through I smoking I had wasted "an hour of my time if I had stinted my gifts to the poor if I had rendered my mind less vigorous I trust I should see my fault and turn from it ; but he who charges me with these things shall have no an swer but my forgiveness. I am told that my open avowal will lessen my in fluence, and my reply is that if I have gained any influence through being thought different from what I am, I have no wish to retain it. I will do nothing upon the sly, and nothing about which I have a doubt." Lire Stock and Population. Prof. Thorold Rogers, of Oxford Uni versity, England, has made up a curious return of the proportion of domesticated live stock to population in the most prominent countries in the wprid. It shows the following results : Great Britain has one cow to every twelve per sons, a sheep for everybody, and one pig for every six. France has a like proportion of sheep, a double share, comparatively, of cows, but only one pig to six persons. The Swedes have a cow between three and one-half of them, a sheep between two and three-quarters, and a pig to a baker's dozen. There are as many sheep as there are Norwegians in Norway, when they are all at home, and two and one-half of them the Norwegians are entitled to a cow. They can have only one eighteenth of a pig each. Denmark has a cow for three persons, as many sheep as persons, and a pig for four and three-quarters pertons. Prussia, with her usual uniformity, has an equal number of cows and pigs, one to every five inhabitants, besides a sheep apiece all round. Wurtemberg has a quarter as many cows as people, a sheep to two and three-quarters and a pig to seven. Bavaria rates the same as Wurtem berg, as to cows and sheep, and is as much better off for pigs as one-lif th is better than one-seventh. Saxony has a sheep and a pig for every eight persons, and a cow for every six. Holland has a cow to four, a sheep to four, and a pig to twelve persons. Belgium, a cow to six, a sheep to nine, and a pig to eight (which is a Hibernicism. ) Austria has a cow to six persons, and a sheep and a pig to every five. Switzerland runs up to the Swedish standard on cows, one to three and one half persons, and has a sheep for five and a pig for seven and one-half per sons. We Americans close tne list witn a cow for every four of us, a sheep apiece, one pig to every one and one-half. Lime Water for Burn-. A correspondent of the New York Sun writes to that journal that the readiest and most useful remedy for scalds and burns is an embrocation of limewater and linseed oil. These sim ple agents combined form a thick, cream-like substance, which effectually excludes the air from the injured parts, and allayB the inflammation almost in stantly. He mentions a case where a child fell backward into a bath-tub of boiling water, and was nearly flayed from her neck to below her hips. Her agonies were indescribable ; but her clothing being gently removed, and the lime and eil preparation quickly spread over the injured surface, she was sound asleep in five minutes. Subsequently the parts were carefullj washed witn warm milk and water three times a day, the oil dressing renewed, and the little patient rapidly recovered. Though all the scalded skin came off, she did net have a scar. This remedy leaves no hard coat or dry on the sores, but soft ens the parts, and aids nature to repair the injury in the readiest and moBt ex peditious manner. Prick of Meat East and West. Sir loin steak in Boston is thirty-three to thirty-five cents per pound ; in New York it is twenty-five to thirty; in Philadelphia twenty-five to twenty eight ; and in Washington twenty-five to forty ; and good steaks are scarce at these high prices. In Iowa, before it is starved, beaten, banged in cars and pens and predisposed to putridity, the best steaks are from ten to twelve cents. Which proves that before long the bulk of the meat eaten East will be slaugh tered West and sent forward in refrig erator oars. The trade from Texas in this style is already a great one. Over 100,000 negroes have gene into Texas since 1870. Mark Twain's Cold. The first time I began to sneeze, a friend told me to go and bathe my feet in hot water and go to bed. I did so. Shortly after another friend told me to get up and take a cold shower-bath. I did that also. Within the hour, another friend assured me that it was policy to feed a cold and starve a fever. I had both. So I thought it best to fill my self up for the cold, and let the fever starve a while. In a case of this kind I seldom do things by halves ; I ate pret ty heartily. I conferred my custom upon a stranger, who had just opened a restaurant on Cortlandt street, near the hotel, that morning, paying so much for a full meal. He waited mear me in respectful silence until I had finished feeding my cold, when he inquired if the people about New York wer.e much afflicted with colds. I told him I thought they were. He then went out and took in his sign. I started up toward the office, and on the way encountered another bosom friend,, who told me that a quart of warm salt-water would come as near curing a cold as aaything in the world. I hardly thought I had room for it, but tried it anyhow. The result was sur prising. I believe I threw up my im mortal soul. Now, as I give my ex perience only for the benefit of those of your friends who are troubled with this distemper, I feel that they will see the propriety of my cautioning them against following such portions of it as proved inefficient with me, and acting upon this conviction, I warn them against warm salt-water. It may be a good enough remeay, but I think it is rather too severe. If had another cold in the heaa and there was no course left me but to take either an earthquaked or a quart of warm salt water, I would take my chances on the earthquake. After this everybody in the hotel became interest ed, and I took all sorts of remedies hot lemonade, cold lemonade, pepper tea, boneset, stewed Quaker, hoarhound sirup, onions and loaf-sugar, lemons and brown sugar, vinegar and lauda num, five bottles fir balsam, eight bottles cherry pectoral, and ten bottles Uncle Sam's remedy, but all without effect. One of the pre scriptions given by an old lady was well, it was dreadful. She mixed a de coction composed of molasses, catnip, peppermint, Aqua fortis, turpentine, and various other drugs, and instructed me to take a wineglassful of it every fifteen minutes. I never took but one dose ; that was enough. I had to take to my bed, and remain there for two entire days. When I felt a little bet ter more things were recommended. I was desperate, and willing to take any thing. Plain gin was recommended, then gin and onions. I took all three. I detected no particular result, how ever, except that I had acquired a breath like a turkey-buzzard, and had to change my boarding-place. At this new place they suggested a different remedy to any yet tried. A sheet bath was recommended. I had never refused a remedy yet, and it seemed poor policy to commence then ; therefore I determined to take a sheet bath, though I had no idea what sort of an arrangement it was. It was adminis tered at midnight, and the weather was very frosty. My back and breast were stripped, and a sheet (there appeared to be a thousand yards of it), soaked in j ice-water was wound around me until I j resembled a swab for a columbiad. It is a cruel expedient. When the chilly rag touches one's flesh it makes him ! start with sudden violence and gasp for j breath, just as men do in the death j agony. It froze the marrow in my bones and stopped the beating of my heart. I thought my time had come. When I recovered from this a friend I recommended the application of a mus- 1 tard plaster to my breast. I believe ! that would have cured me effectually if it had not been for young Clemens. When ! I went to bed I put the mustard plaster where I could reach it when I should be ready for it. But young Clemens got hungry in the night and ate it up. I never saw a child with such an appe tite. I am confident that he would have eaten me if I had been healthy. After all this experience you cannot wonder that I dread going to New York. The Path of the Israelites. The Oriental Congress recently held in London, discussed among many other things, the tradition of the pass age of the Bed Sea by the Israelites. A paper was read on this theme by Brugsch Bey, a distinguished Egyptian scholar. He was commissioned, some time since, by the Viceroy of Egypt to determine as exactly as might be the precise geographical location of the famous passage. He has studied the country carefully. In support of his theory, he submitted maps, copies of old inscriptions, geological drawings, etc. The country north of the Bed Sea, between it and Ihe Mediterranean, is in many places low and marshy. It is li able to overflow. Geology shows that the two sens have sometimes met in one. A high wind will even now send the waters of the Bed Sea rolling far to the northward of their usual boundary. The path pursued by the Israelites was north of the present limits of the sea. Brugsch Bey's geographical researches have shown this. His theory is that the Hebrews reached the low-lying region at a time when it was overflowed ; that the waters subsided to their natural level on account of a lull in the wind, and thus allowed safe passage ; and that the pursuing Egyptians were caught, as single travelers have sometimes been since, by the northward rush of the water driven by another high wind from the south. This plausible theory, which reconciles the Biblical account with the possibilities of science, was generally accepted by the Congress. The Brooklyn Argus says that Dr. J. P. Thompson, of the New York Taber nacle, has already come to this conclu sion, and that he has not been alone in his views. The submission of the theory shows that scientific researches may confirm, as well as oppose, the Bible. Railroad Earnings. The following is a fall list of the rail road companies which have reported their gross KAKN1NQB FROM JAS. 1 TO SEPT. 30. 1874. 1873. 3,710,540 10,198,806 3,746,307 6,131,473 1,144,022 6,317,858 2,811,887 1,056,386 450,206 1,867.746 946,941 938,499 4,419,062 $42,738,233 2,109,686 Atlantic & Pacific. Central Pacific Cleveland, Col., Cin 3,642,049 10,317,003 3,055,58 S,6H9,205 1.24S.781 5,295,373 2,638,310 904,474 398,744 1,874,157 889,383 825,336 3,856,348 & lad Illinois Central Ind., Bloom, k Western.. . Michigan Central Ohio & Mississippi St. L., Alton & T. H. main . . St. L., A. T. H. branches . St. L Iron M. & Southern.. St. Louis & Southeastern . . . Toledo, Peoria & Warsaw... Toledo, Wabash & Western.. Total Net decrease $40,628,647 Three weeks only of September in each year. An enthusiastic admirer of Gold smith Maid has polled two hairs from the great trotter's tail, and intends to have them woven into a ring. He r eeds ping hat to stow his ears in. the: tckkev and the crow. A SPANISH PABLE. A pompons old Turkey, conceited and vain, As deeming himself of a lordlier breed Than the wandering birds of the forest and plin, Once challenged a Crvw to a trial of speed. If yon e'er saw a Croto as he sailed through the say, And noticed how lightly and swiftly be went, Compared with a Turkey attempting to fly, Of this notable match you will guess the event. m x gay i screamed the Gobbler, as falling behind He saw his antagonist certain to win, 'Look here ! did it ever occur to your mind You're as black aa the deuce, and as ugly as sin? " Moreover," he crtea, " I have frequently heard You're the odious tool of the treach erous Fatea A wicked, uncanny, Plutonian bird ; A monster of evil whom every one hates ! " Away with yourself 1 it is loathsome to Bee A fowl who ou carrion feeds with ilelicrht From birdB who are decent no won der yon flee The faBter, the better ! quick ! out of my The match being over, the winner replied : " You spoke of my coloi Uiat isn't the thing ; The question, I think, which we met to decide Was which of the two is the fleetest of wing ! ' MftT.. Some critics aware they are likely to fail In argument, follow a similar plan ; The works of the author twere vain to assail, And so they endeavor to injure the man I John G. Saxe. Humor. Fashionable fall suite Libel suits. The less men think the more they talk. What kind of sweetmeats were in the ark ? Preserved pairs. Although a woman's age is undenia bly her own, she does not own it. The longest word in the English lan guage is smiles, because there is a mile between the first and last letters. Dku; .Tank is gone, my darling Dan, She was calcined yesterday ; But the wind upset the tomato can, And blew her ashes away. A new proverb says : " The man who sets out a single shade tree is bet ter than the founder of a base ball club." A beautiful poem has been publish ed in Providence, beginning : 1 sixteen hundred and thirty-six, ltoger Williams got into a fix By saucing the Governor of Massachusetts, And skedaddled away to Hbode Island. One of the "Black Crook" ballet girls fell on the footlights at San Fran cisco a few evenings since, but escaped burning from the fact that she had nothing on which could take fire. " What time is it up there where you are ?" said a little upstart of a fop to a very tall lady with an unbrella. She hit him on the head with her umbrella, and replied, " It has just struck one." An Indiana man, with a turn for sta tistics, caculates that his faithful dog, ten years of age, has cost him $234.25 for hash, and $25 for licence. The dog is now for sale. Price, ten cents. At a recent meeting of a society com posed of men from the Emerald Isle, a member made the following motion : " Mr. President, I move yees whitewash the ceiling green, in honor of the owld flag." "Joshua," said Quiz's landlady to her hopeful, at breakfast yesterday ; " Joshua, what is an heir apparent ?" "There's one on the butter, mother," replied the unfilial youngster. And the old lady lit upon him with the coffee pot. An angry teacher was whipping a pu pil, and having prolonged the exercise far beyond the bounds of moderation, the boy looked up and calmly said, " Come, sir, you must be tired, let's take a rest ;" and he wrested the whip from the teacher's hand. A party of young men were out sere nading a few nights since. They sat on the pavement, which had recently been paved with a tar solution. Next morning the rear of six pairs of pants dotted the walk, and music is heard no more around that cottage. " How much is your stick candy ?" inquired a boy of a candy dealer, on Tuesday. " Six sticks for live cents." " Six sticks fer five cents, eh ? Now lem'me see, six sticks fer five cents, five fer four cents, four fer three cents, three fer two cents, two fer one cent, one fer nothin. I'll take one," and he walked out, leaving the candy man in a state of bewilderment, which lasted three days. A chicken found an egg one day, Laid by a goose that had a mission And had deserted it ; so she Sat down on it to hold possession. She liked its looks; 'twas smooth and white; So heedless of the baleful comet. She sat and sat, till lo! one night A tiny gOBling fluttered from it ! The old goose saw, and wept aloud, Who broke my darling toy ?" she driveled " I s'pose I must have been too proud." And wiped her eyes and gently sniveled. "I cannot lie," said chickeybid ; " Go, make another one to match it ; Who mashed that shell ? You bet did I did it with my little hatch it !" A Modern Pygmalion. The Droit relates that a man has just died in the Bicetre Asylum whose luna cy had a very singular origin. His name was Justin, and he exhibited wax work figures at Montrouge, his gallery consisting of temporary celebrities and great criminals. On a pedestal in the center was the figure of a young girl remarkable for her graceful figure and perfect features, her hair falling in long curls over her naked shoulders. Justin had named her Eliza, and was so struck by her beauty that he passed hours in contemplating her. She seemed to him to speak, and her blue eyes, with their long eyelashes, seemed to respond 10 his passion. Under the in fluence of this illusion he neglected his business, and for want of a showman to puff it people no longer visited the gallery. Poverty succeeded easy cir cumstances ; the modern Pygmalion could not separate himself from Eliza. His wife was obliged to sleep on a bare mattress, and when she remonstrated he ill-treated her. Irritated at the unjust harshness, she one day destroyed the wax figure. Justin was furious at see ing the fragments, and seizing a broom stick he struck his wife, and would have killed her had not her cries drawn the neighbors to her assistance. Justin, who had lost his reason, had to be se cured, and was an inmate of Bicetre for five years, living up to the last under the charm of Eliza, whose image seemed always before him. Thb Largest Citcbs or the World. A report from the Washington Bu reau of Statistics gives an account Of the population of the various countries of the world. Among other details it gives the following as the population of the twenty-five largest cities in the world : London, 3,254,260 ; Sutchan (China), 2,000,000; Paris, 1,851,792; Pekin, 1,300,000 ; Tschantsohau-fu, 1, 000,000 ; Hangtschau-fu, 1,500,000 ; Siangtan, 1,000,000; Singnang-fa, 1, 000,000 ; Canton, 1,000,000 ; New York, 942,202; Tienstin, 900,000; Vienna, 834,284 ; Berlin, 826,341 ; Kankau, 800, 000 ; Caloutta, 794,645 ; Toko (Yeddo), 674,477; Philadelphia, 674,022; St. Petersburg, 667,963 ; Bombay, 644,406; Moscow, 611,970 ; Constantinople, 600, 000; Liverpool, 493,405; and Rio de Janeiro, 420,000. BUSINESS CARDS. JOHN CONNER, Banking Exchange Office, ALBANY, OBEGON. Deposits received subject to check at sight. luterest allowed on time deposits in coin. Exchange ou Portland, San Francisco and New York for sale at lowest rates. Collections made and promptly remitted. Kefers to H. W. Corlett, Henry Falling, W. S. Ladd. Banking hours from 8 a. m. to 4 p. m. Albany, Feb. 1, 1874. 22vC D. M. J ONES. 3. LINSEY HILL. JONES & HILL, PHYSICIANS AND SURCEONS, Albany, Obegon. 37vG J. w. Attorney and BALDWIN, Counselor at Law, Will practice in all the Courts in the Second, Third and Fourth Judicial Districts, in the Supreme Court of Oregon, and in the U. 8. District and Circuit Courts. Oilice in Parrish brick (up-stairs), in office occu pied by the late N. II. Cranor, First street, Albany, Oregon. tol5vt IX B. RICE, M. D., SURGEON AND PHYSICIAN. Office, Firxt-st.. Betireen Ferry aivl Washington. Residence, Third street, two blocks below or east of Methodist Church, Albany, Oregou. v5n40 J. C. POWELL. L. FLYNN. POWELL & FLYNN, Attorneys and Counselors at Law, AND SOLICITOUS IN CHANCERY, L. Flinn, Notary Public), Albany, Oregon. Collec tions and conveyances promptly attended to. 1 Albany Book Store. JNO. FOSHAY, Dealer in Miscellaneous Boohs, School Books, Blank Books, Stationery, Fancy Articles, tc. Books imported to order at Bhorteet possible no tice. viiu:iO DR. GEO. W. GRAY, 33 E 1ST T T Albany, Oregon. Office in Parrisli Brick Block, corner First and Ferry streets. Residence, corner Fifth and Ferry streets. Office hours from 8 to 12 o'clock a. m. and 1 to 5 O'clock p. m. 18vti Epizootics Distanced. THE BAY TEAM STILL LIVES, And is flourishing like a green bay tree. Thankful for past favors, and wishing to merit ihe continu ance of the same, the BAY TEAM will always be ready, and easily found, to do any hauling within the city limits, for a reasonable compensation. t-Sr" Deliverv of goods a specialty. 20v5 A. K. ARNOLD, Proprietor, W. C. TWEE DALE, Dealer in Groceries. Provisions. Tobacco. Cigars, Cutlery, Crockery, and Wood and Willow Ware. Albany, Oregon. DF" Call and see him. 24v5 The Metzler Chair! Can be had at the following places: Harrisbnrg Sam May Junction City Smith & Brasfleld Brownsville.". Kirk & Hume Haisey J. M. Morgan Scio J. J. Brown Albany Graf & Collar A full supply can also be obtained at my old shop on First street, Albanv, Oregon. J. M. METZLER. Piles! Piles! Why say this damaging and troublesome com plaint cannot be cured, when so many evidences of success might be placed before you every day cures of supposed hoiieless cases ? Your physician informs you that the longer you allow the complaint to exit, you lessen your chances for relief. Ex perience ha taittjht thin in all case. A. Carotners & Co.'s Pile Pills & Ointment Are all they are recommended to be. Will cure Chronic, Blind and Bleeding Piles in a very shcrt time, and are eonvenifttt to ve. This preparation is sent by mail or express to any point within the United States at $1.50 per package. Address A. CARO THERS & CO , 27v5 Box Alabany. Oregon. JOHN SCHMEER, DEALER IN Groceries aid Provisions, ALBANY, OREGON, Has juat opened his new grocery establishment, on Comer of Ellsworth and First Streets, With a fresh stock of Groceries, Provisions, Candies. Cigars, Tobacco, kc, to which he invites the atten tion of our citizens. In connection with the store he will keep a Bakery, and will always have ou hand a full supply of fresh Mread, Crackers, &c. Cl? Call and see me. JOHN SCHMEER. February Ifi 24 v4 The Old Stove Depot John Briggs, Dealer in Cook, Parlor and Box Steves ! OF THE BEST PATTERNS. A Ii S O Tin, Sheet Iron and Copper Ware, And the usual aseortraent of Furnishing Goods to be obtained in a Tin Store. Repairs neatly and promptly executed on reason able terms. Short Reckonings Make Long Friends. Front Street, Albany. Dee. S, 1874. 1 FURNITURE Everything New. GRAF & COLLAR, Manufacturers and Dealers in JBNITURE OF ALL KINDS. Bureaus, Bedsteads, Tables, Lounges, Sofa, Spring Beds; Chairs, etc., Always on hand or made to order on the shortest notice. Furniture repaired expeditiously and at fair rates. Salesroom and Factory on Vint Street, near Bthmcer'i Bakery. Albany, Feb. 28, 1874-25. GRAF & COLLAR. Range A. W. GAMBLE, M. D., PHYSICIAN, SURGEON, Etc. Office on First St., over Weed's (frocery Elcrt Residence opposite late residence of John C. Mcn denhall, near the Foundry, First street, Albany. October 22, 1873. Webfoot M arket! CHABLES WILSON Having leased the Vebfoot Market, on First street, adjoining Gradwohl's, respectfully asks a share of the public patronage. The market will bo kept con stantly supplied with all kinds of fresh meats. Call and see. fjr- The highest cash price paid for Hides. CHARLES WILSON. Albany, August 14, 1874. W. H. McFarland, (Late K. M. Harvey A Co.,) Next Door to Conner's Bank, ALBANY, OREGON. STOVES, RANGES. Force and Lift Pumps, Lead and Iron Pipe, Hollow Ware, House Furnishing Hardware, Tin , Copper I Sheet Iron Ware . LARGEST STOCK IN THE VALLEY LOWEST PRICES EVERY TIME. REPAIRING PROMPTLY DONE. June 11, 1874. ALBANY Foundry and Macniie Sim A. F. CHERRY, Proprietor, ALBANY, OREGON, Manufactures Steam Engines. Flour and Saw Mill Machinery, Wood-Working & Agricnltural Machinery. And all kinds of Iron and Brass Castings. Particular attention paid to repairing all kinds ci machinery. 41 v3 A. CAROTHERS & CO.,, DEALERS IN Drugs, Chemicals. Oils, Paints, Dyes, Class, Lamps, Etc.. All the popular PATENT MEDICINES, FINE CUTLERY, CIGARS, TOBACCO, NOTIONS, PERFUMERY, And TOILET GOODS. . Particular care and promptness given physiciacs ' prescriptions and family refines. A. CAROTHERS fc CO. Albany, Oresron. 4v5 GO TO THE BEE-HIVE STORE 1 TO bvi Groceries, Provisions, Notions, &c, &c, &c. , Cheap for Cash. I Coniitry Produce of All Kinds BonEbt For Merchandise or Cash. This is the p'aoe to get the Best Bargains Ever Offered in Albany. Parties will always do well to call and ne e for them selves. H. WELD. First Street, Albany, Oregon. 32v ye OLD MEXICAN Mustang Liniment Was first known in America. Ite merits are ne w well known throughout the habitable world. It has the oldest and best record of any Liniment In the world. From the million upon millions of bottles sold not a single complaint hits ever reached ns. As a Healing and Pain-Subduing Liniment it has to equal. It is alike BENEFICIAL TO HAN AND BEAST. Sold by all Druggists. S.T.--I860-X. Y OLD Homestead Tonic Plantation Bitters la a pnrely Vegetable Preparation, composed cf Calisaya Bark, Roots, Herbs and Fruits, among which will be found Sarsaparillisn, Dandelion, Wild Cherry, Sassafras, Tansy, Gentian, Sweet Flag-, etc.; also Tamarinds, Dates, Prunes and Jnniper Berries preserved in a sufficient quantity (only) of the spirit of Sugar Cane to keep In any climate. They invari ably relieve and cure the following complaints : Dyspepsia, Jaundice, Liver Complaints, Loss of Appetite, Headache, Bilious Attacks, Fever and Ague, Summer Complaints, Hour Stomach, Palpita tion of the Heart, General Debility, etc. They are especially adapted as a remedy for the diseases to which WOMEN Are subjected ; and aa a tonic for the Aged. Feeble and Debilitated, have no equal. They are strictly in tended as a Temperance Tonic or Bitters, to be used as a medicine only, and always according to directions. Sold by all First-Class Druggists.