L P Fisher VOLUME VI. ALBANY, OREGON, MARCH 21, 1874; NO. 28. Old Bye's Speech. I was made to be eaten And not to be drank ; To be tbreslied in a barn, Not soaked in a tank. 1 come as a blessing, AVjIien put through a mil j As a blight and a curse When run through a still. Make me up into loaves. And your children are fed; But if Into a drink, I will starve them instead. In bread, I'm a servant, The eater shall rule ; In drink. I am master, The drinker a fool. Then reincmlier the warning: My strength I'll employ, If ea'teti, to Strengthen ; If drank, to destroy. A Peroinn Vision of the Hereafter. 1IY 1.;R. JLOOKli Abou ben Adbero was annoyed one mprumg by an eklorly gentle mau, who desired to learn of the ideas the Persian sage had of the hereafter; particularly as to the style and quality of people who onld be likely to reach a future of fjm . . Abou removed his chibouk from bis lips, and moistening bis throat rajtq a long draught of sherbet, spc.ke,to him thus : 'My friend, many hundreds of years ago, when I was a compara tively young man, I dreamed one night that I had shuffled off ths mortal coil, and was in tiie land of the hereafter. Rethought I was dectuit.ly deceased, had lieen gen teelly bur ed, and a tomb-stonenad been erected to my memory, on which was inscribed enough v irtues to furnish a dozen. I blushed a spi$-blush when I read that tomb stone and discovered what an exem plary man I had been, and I like wise wept a spirit-weep when I thought what a loss the world had sustained in my death. I ascended and was knocking at the outer gate of 'Paradise for ad mittance. The season had been a very healthy one, for. a National Convention of l'bvsieiaws had been T -- - j - - n - .0 drowned while taking a steamboat excursion oi(,tlie Persian (,iulf, so the dooi keepor had but little to do while, my case was being decided. I whiled away an hour or two as certaining the whereabouts of my .ild acquaintances, who had deceased during the ten years previous, ''There are a large number of my friendship here?" 1 remarked, in quiringly. ,j 'X ot very niauy," was his reply. 'Jibn Bear 'ien3 I,s"Pl5f' "Not any Ebu Pecarj" was the answer. , , -, ,. I, ;,, , "1 am surprised,", I answered. '.'Ebu iieear, the date-se'ler, not in 1 ar idlse ! m ehes,m, no nw in 'spahau was more regular . in his at tendance at the mosque, ,aid lie howled his prayers Jjke.a duvvish. was exceedingly jealous in keeping the faithful in the line of duty." " True!" said, the door-keeper, "true. Hit, you see, Ebn kept his eBgle-oye so intently fixed on his HWW&p 'Rt wu fWfeSf the road, and when he pulled npfc wasn't at the place he 1ad calcu lated. His prayers wen? pleasing to- i' true believer.' I mt, as " they Were1 bucket tiiiy doing things Sri opotttorij1 they 1 toiled ' to I wise, iMte'hMk ' . idoJjhJ "Mowrtlred Jt"Witt) fanft.'tthe scribe ? Hfrwas Wrialbliio.nn aUe'TOto-thti'poor thaln faflbll '"flan Mghrtf makiv Jihi to the 'elbbnWit'"'1 lMfvl tBfttplledtke feet of bis charities. He gftMUMt for any love of his kind, but because it was apart of his system to give. He was afraid not to give. So be said, 'I will answer the demands of the law of the Prophet by, giving so. much, which will insur 2 me par adise,' and fancied that was charity. When the. widow of .Ndim, the mule-driver, employed nun to save her inheritance to,her children, from her wicked brother, he requited' of her ad that the law permitted him to exact, so that she said, 'Lo ! I might as well' have let my brother had the land.' He answered, 'The law gives It me go to !' He would oppress, the poor in a, business way, and compromise with his conscience by subscribing a tenth of his profits to charity. Compromfring never did Work in such' makers. The compromiser gives to the devil Something of value and receives in return that wbicli damn' him. The oppressions and grasping of Hafiz were exactly balaiiced in number by his charities, but as he died worth a million, the oppression side was the heaviest M quality. Wo keep books very aco irate, you observe." "Abdallab, the maker f shawls, "No he tsu't. .He; was an ardent teacher of the rules tie Prophet gave for the faithful, but he was the worst pracUcer I ever had- any knowledge of. The stun g waters of the (iiaour ruined his iTospects. He preached abstinence from wine, but he constantly partook of the forbidden drink. 'He' 'loved wine, and immediately proceeded to de ceive himself'iutolthe belief that lie had dyspepsia and 'had to take it. Hearing onoaHbat strong liquor was an antidote for t0 bite of a serpent, he absolutely moved into a province where 'serpents abounded. He talked loudly against gluttony, but exensed 'himself for eating five conrnes by bofdiiig that he needed it to keep himself up. He succeed ed iri deceiving himself, but he couldn't deceive us." 1 "Kahkaiihthe poet, whosesongs wen all in praise of virtue, is here? The fervent goodness that produced such morality must be safe?" "finite wrong, my dear sir. Kahkani's poems were1 beautiful, but; bless you, he never felt tlie sen timents expressed in them. Hehad an itching for tame,1 Add -writing spiritual hymns happened to be his hold. If he could have written comic songs,' better than hymns, he would have written comkr songs.'' " VY ho have ydu here, pray f "Saadi, the camel-shoer, is hore.,' "Saadi ! Why, he was constantly violating the law oif the1 Prophet." Truo, he wonld even curse the camels he was '. shoeing. Hut he was always : sorry ;(br it, and he WuW mourn dvfef'tlie i intirmities of his temper, arid strove hondstly and UBBltMttily all the time to dive lietter and be better. Hedid fiot make a great suaiess, but he did the best he eon hi lie gave liberally of his substance, , without hiatting it all om Ispahan When ho, gave a dirhem he didn't pay the uewspa pei's two dirhems;to make the fact public which is i my definition ot genuuie oharitF i Then; there's Kirdusi, the arpeteleaner " ; "He nev,er gfkxe. wything.'! " (.'ertainly not, fqrvbj9 ; ,hM notli ing to give.; ;The Propjjet inevejr ark 'd. inpofisibUi;f;Hft'flroiild ItW e given, if he had i, wd. he tried law to get fa Then there's Jelalr edrdiu " inn ruoiwih i "He ooulduiBJBke prayer,!' !M"-Tr,o, but he id, iuvin' .to thoso who oeuldj and lie meant -it, wmcn WBjWPreinap nwt wos W4w njda$liijrers, ooW ,paj(.V : Where is he t A .mm? puis j blameless life w man ever led !" low place." wliubn iiv&iw .mst "A low place?" "Verily. Wassaf did not sin, it is true, but it was no credit to him that he did not. A more egreg iously deceived man never lived or died. He obeyed the laws of the Prophet because he could hot do otherwise thus crediting himself with what he could not avoid. He could not be a glutton, lor his stom ach was weak he could not pai takeof stroug waters , of the rrank, because his brain would not endure it he was virtuous because he was too coId-bhxdedTrtoo thin blooded, to have any passion. He had not moral force enough'to com mit a decent sin, and this " inability to be wicked he tanoied was right eousness. He was a moral ovster He, an iceberg, plumed' himself upon being cold. Now Agba, the flute-player, who was at times a glutton ami a wine-bibber, And all the rest ot it, is several benches higher tln Wassaf. For Agha's blood boiled like a cauldron he was robust, he had the appetite of the rhinoceros of the Niio, and a physical nature that , was constantly pushing him to the commission of siu but Agha, feeling, knowing that Itiliyi Tlelell 'frequently for the Evil Oue knew his wealt, moments, but he rose and fought against him self, and managed to come out vic tor, at least half the time. ' There was no more merit 'in Wasfaf's vir tue than there is in an iceherg being cold. But for a burning volcano Agha to keep himself down to an even temperature, that was great. "My friend,' it is not wprth whi'e to enumerate, but well, 'you will Know more when you get inside, it you do get inside,. .You hiwHteti the sky-rockets' ot .Tami. They 'as cend with much lira and make a beautiful show, but alas! before they reach the skies they explode and disappear in a sheet of flame. rreciseiy so with many men. 1 ney soar aloft oil their professions, but they too (to use a' vulgarism) bust before they attain Paradise, and go down in a sheet ot flame. "The true believer who practices what he believes, is an arrow. 1'ointed with belief feathered with works, death shoots him olf, he pierces the clouds and lands on the right skle ot the river. "At this point," continued Abou, "I awoke. My ideas of the future I got largely from that vision . 31 y opinion is that in New Jersey, as in 1 Wsia, there are a great many people deceiving themselves. Go thy way. Jie yirtuous.and be happy. I would resume."- Locke's Monthly A flig ttnme nt JfarMefl. There was a match made in the Twenty-second ': Ward I 'to shoot 1,000 marbles for $500. The.com. petitois were the well-known butclier John Mcivewen, aud Fritz, the barber. ilcKewen weighs 350. . He is about five feet eleven, and before he grew so ,at was one of the best-made men, ever cjlnn Tin na Iwutn an nthlftfP , tlf notoin his day. Frit a .famous I fipLnn Urlvfr Jn Seventh .MHUIImJ German barber in Seventh .avenue. near Fiftieth street. They call him Dutch Fritz. He weighs 180 pounds, is five feet ten, well made aud tinedooking. 'i bey are both brunettes, but .McKewen is rosy, while .Fritz is pale and sallow. In spite of his size, McKewen, is de cfded.y the handsoiner man. " The match Was made in Fritz's Bllop "early On Monday morning, while McKewen was being shaved. TVtofti Kttlo ' boys were shooting marbles iff the shop, Arid McKewen, eytfngihe sfebrt' While enjoying his fchaVe, said, ! WAS the best marble sHWimHynthfa"!i nrwt you weren't any btftfir tihaitndi,'! fcW'c(tt!4 plmm odt!tl'w by "Plj bet I could have beatyou,'' said McKewen. "I'll bet yon could not do it now," retorted Frit!!. "What'll you bet?" raid Mc Kewen. "Two hundred and fifty dollars," skt Fntz. "Done," said McKewen, and the details of the match were quickly arranged. It was agreed by their friends that the two should shoot at 1,000 marbles, aud the man who plumped out 600 marbles first should be declared the winner. The news Hew around the neigh borhood, and a crowd gathered so rapidly that it was necessary to shut the doors of the barber's shop And admit only a limited number of spectators. Mr Bogert. a mutual friend, was referee, i A ring was chalked on the floor, and the rules of tho game were settle!. They, tossed a penny to, decide whether they should shoot twenty five marbles at each inning or one hundred. Fritz was in favor ot one hundred marbles, but Mc Kewen's friends would not agree on account of his size So greAt is his obesity he was obliged to shoot iii a peculiar position. Every time hefstooed to shoot it was necessary for another man to be ready with a chair, which he placed in front of McKewen to support him, as he knelt on one knpe and sent his alley spiuuing over the, five yard at the taws in the ring. The petfny came down for twenty-five shots to the inning, and' McKeweii's backers liegan to book their bets. Another toss decided that he should have the first shot, and the Wtting on him wa one hundred to eightv. McKewen led off, shootiiig at his 25 -marbles, hitting 10 and mining' 15, which were scored to him. Fritz .followed, hitting 8 and missing 17. Hets on McKewen rose, 125 to 75. The next round McKewen was riot so skillful, per haps too much elated, striking J8 marbles out of the ring. Fritz was ! more careful and plumbed out 24. This sent the betting up two to one in the Dutchman's favor. The game continued with varied suc cess, sometimes oue being the liivrite aud sometimes the other, until the expiration of half the score, with Fritz ahead 10 mar bles. Time,, 3 hours and 40 minutes, and both men exhausted. They took an hour toi rest and re freshments. When the men appeared in the room for the second inning, much to the surprise of all, McKewen looked as fresh as a rose and calm and cool as a May morning. Fritz looked a little too excited tor tl-e knowing ones. McKewen led on, hitting 15, missing 10. The sturdy German followed, remtcing his score by hitting 7 and missing IS. The scores varied, but the advnn tage was clearly on the fat man's side as the game progressed. The butcher won by h greater powers of endurance. I'Vit?) became so thoroughly exhausted by the sev that it was n wy to g' llim Strong Stimulants. -Mc- eweu took pure water, ijohi mow suffered, i bat Were gnrone to the last. When, nine hours had elapsed .McKewen rtas 300 marbles ahead , and in 27 minutes and seconds more the jfeee decided that the game was ended by the fit 'man having scored 600. Fritz' score stood making .McKewen. the m'uv ier by 1 IH ntarbles i am id the tatriirituBUs applause of all, even fflSfS tfkw.yX V.. fmr'vMj .(- . i. ui-w -nllf r., nu--' ' ' M -V t little girlii aske f-etaiimlv "l )o vw think my father will go if he donrt have his own way there,!1 be won't sy l0ugi watnwKtq$' Tiwlom Items. A butcher recently found a shawl-pin In a cow he was cutthig up into steaks. It is supposed the animal had swallowed a milkmaid. Hreker.'Heware you off for money this morning?" Cashier. "l am off with what little there was in the bauk. Good-by." . A superannuated minister says, "I have been guilty "' of ' doing one thing for which tire church will not forgive me: I have grown old." An Iowa gentleman recently shot a postmaster tor refusing to lick a postage stamp for the amiable and accomplished wife of the shooter. Justice Haines, of Chicago, has decided that editors are profession imen, and that their scissors, paste pot, etc., cannot be seized for debt. Adam had one consolation when he feh: ' FWeeti.br twenty ac quaintances didn't stand on the opposite comer and lAugh at his mishap. The bee-keepers ha,ve failed to determine how much honey a single bee produces in a year. This im portant subject should not be overlooked. "Yes, my hearers," said a Wisconsin minister, "little Johrmy Clem skated into heaven by way of an airhole on Grass Lake, and he is happy now.'' A long-mooted question has been settled. A debating society nt Sioux .City has decided that Adam and Eve were not the ancestors of the human race. An old. lady at Jackson, Tenn., has asked the city authorities to exempt he from, city taxes, , "she seldom walks over their sidewalks or pavements." The color of flowers is, to a cer tain extent, dependent on the soil in which they are grown. Yellow, primroses planted in a better soil bear flowers of an intense purple. Charcoal deepens the tints of dahlis, hyacinths and petunias. Carbonate of soda reddens hyacinths af.d phosphate of soda changes ifi j many ways the hues of certain plants. A tow n in Massachusetts is the proud possessor of a eat that picks up pins and puts them into a paper, whenever she finds one. After getting i hundred, she exchanges them for meat at the butcher's. The likelihood of this taje is its chief beauty. One can't 'help lie having It- The publisher of the National TAw Hloci Journal in Chicago has been sued for libeling a cow. That journal published an article desureditintr the pedigree of the oow Fannie Forrester, and charg iug the owners of the animal with discreditalje transactions, for all of which $20,000, damages , are. claimed. , . The Worcester (Maw.) Spy publishes the following epitaph from a tombstone in neighboring cemetery. The unquenchable patriotism of New England m illus trated by I the meter, the words being written to the tune of "Vaukee Doodle cV- "Kate Ftac6ck hmy name. Wolqptyjlle naj station. , Li mrick was, my ulace of hiit h. And1 heaven my 'destination." , ' .- II'. Ill tew i A Yale .professor baeaconundrum forwrnebudy to solve. The other day a student, iai, absent from recitation' and by a sad mistake HeittdeiJ fetWo'Dedses theretbr. One said that serious illness de tained hinitiji, hisrjp the other asserted that he was a member of a sailing ")arty wlricWv Hfi en becalmed Iii tM bay 'tiiitll rteftatten' wa'pwsRew.' ooxn tocw are aory attested, hui the jttotessof fo never. 4 uieffSe jJteAie.