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About The Albany register. (Albany, Or.) 1868-18?? | View Entire Issue (Oct. 4, 1872)
ALBANY REGISTER. Atoms fUgtetffc Forty ShUUnf mid I had U rn all rlay trying to get from Avemlnster to elieleliester by a country line, a Lonilon line, and a branch line of railway. In the ttrst place, as the country line only ran three train a day. passenger and goods together, ncces-ifnting weary shunt iugs at every station. we cuiild hanlly be slid to li:ivc made a good start. In the next place, the strategic, arrange ment whereby the London line man aged invaratlly to start its trains five minutes before tlie arrival of the "up" country train, making us wait for two hours at Marlbury .(miction, to spite the country company, scarcely tended to rapid progress, in the third place as it always liappens to lie the aim of a traffic-manager to endeavor to drive passengers on to the main line, and to visit with all possible retributive delays the hostile British public whin it Km travel on i braneh, we could not lie considered to have made up for the lost time on the branch. In the fourth place, it didn't help us forward to be compelled to travel one hundred and twenty-seven miles round about in a parabola, in order to reach t'hel chester, which, at starting, was only fifty-eight miles from Aveininster. lu the fifth and last place, we were not got to Chelobester yet : and it would have beeu money in my jKKket if I never had. " Swinbro" Swluhro. Change here for Mareniuot.t and Xutililey. Change liere." Almost time font change. I reflected, considering 1 Imd been nine hours out on a journey of fifty-eight miles, ami was still far oil' irom my destination. Looking out from my window of a first-class compartment. 1 saw it was a cheerless, drizzling night, and the railway liortcrs were streaming in the misty air as they hurried to and fro last'the gleam of the lamps. Remon strating with rite guard respecting our train being an hour late, and the time past eleven at night, he soothed my irritation by telling me gruffly I liad no business on a branch line it I want ed to go anywhere ; and if I would go to out-of-the-way places like (Jlielches ter, I must be' very thankful if the company put themselves to the ex pense of taking me there at all. con sidering branches didn't pay to work as a rule. A solitary passenger then entered my carriage, or rather was banged into it by the guard. Another minute, and tlie guard had banged himself into his van. emitting tlie growl; "Change here.' ' Our fiery and restive iron stead, no doubt weary with its head long career of full twelve miles an hour, gave a lieroic neigh of triumph, resembling a feeble crow, in emulation of past exploit, in (Lays long before it was condemned to transportation on a branch, and dragged us off into the bleak night. Mv companion was a fill. thin, mid dle-aged man. with a face lean and j withered like a shrivelled apple, con eluded below the chin by a stilt- satin erarat. In a dress, tight-fitting, and ancient and faded black, be looked al together like a man who bad run very much to seed, which perhaps account ed for tlie luxuriant growth of his arms and legs. Observing his clothes steaming with the damp air. I begun to realize it was very chilly. It cer tainly was. Quite a change in the weather." i remarked. "Vtry cold to-night, i it uotyM Don't feel the cold myself. Per haps you would like to f chmuje itnee teM we. There is 110 draught here." I replied I should le pleased to do so. it not to his Inconvenience ; and accordingly we changed -eats. it f'is cold, and no mistake. I must have taken a chill, for 1 felt the cold creeping over me in a most uiiaccoiwt able manner. Looking at my companion on the n))osite seat, on whom the lamp-light now shone full, I -saw that bis Cite was not so thin, nor his features so wither ed, as I had at tir-t supposed .- and I must have made a mistake as to his age. for he was bv uo means so oil as 1 had previously judged. How cold it was to I)e. sure .' As 1 continued too look at him. I noticed his aspect changed momently that hewasgrow hig younger; that the wrinkles in his lace' were filling out ami smoothing down ; and that he was gradually In coming like some one l-ind seen be fore. As his cheeks grew round and ruddy, and his hair changed from gray to brown, before my very eyes, I le came in such a state of nervous agita tion. I endeavored to cry oat, but could not. I was paralyzed with the cold. cold that seemed to make my j limbs rigid, and numb my vitals; for 1 aw the man -itting before mc was no longer a stranger no more friend or acquaintance ; lie had become ME ! I held up my hands to try and shut out the sight! and as I did so, saw that they were withered, and thin, and old. I pressed them o my brow, to see if I were dreaming ; but I found it shrivelled, and seamed, and puckered. And 1 knew that this man, this fiend, bad stolen my body, and given me his. Maddened with the discovery, I rose to my feet, Aw teet, which swayed lieneath me, and I struck wildly at tlie visiou of myself on tlie otlie'r seat. But I found my arms light as vaisw. for they passed over his body, which went through tliem, giving me the impression of pain. It was a body of shade that had men given me for mv own body of flesh and b'ood, which this wretch had stolen. By some sorcery or other, we had indeed chang ed places. "Sorcerer-demon! " I cried out. ouly to I war myself speaking with bis sharp, cracked" voice, When I saw mifiuUj' sitting opjiusite to me coolly addressing me in my own voice, I could no longer credit my Senses, if indeed had any of them at all left of my own. M Dare say yon think you are Speak big loud now." he said. ' T answered by calling the guard as loudly as I could halloo. Ah. yon might call a good deal louder tlian that, if the carriage were full of passengers, and they could no more near you than tiiey could awyotl, he continued, chuckling, and screwing up my features into a hideously know ing grin, such as 1 could never have made them assume, " You see. my friend, yours is a bodv of air. of shad ow, insensible, luilpnble to all but myself, just as it was to all but you when I entered the carriage. You wish, perhaps, to know who I am? Well, two years ago to-night. I was a passenger by this very up-mill. There was a on tils Mi i with a stupid down goods, you see. and the result was that several passengers were Injured. One of them was well, its no use mincing matters killed on the spot. Quite so: it was I. Yes. I am what you call a ghost, though we consider the word rather fru dig. amongst ourselves, and have a better term for it. Now I have told you what I am. you will like to know what I want;' Very good. You shall see." The ghost in my body then liegan to feel in my pockets, from which he drew out mv meerschaum, loaded it from my pouch, and lighted it with one of my Vesiiylans. "Ah," he proceeded, whiffing the weed rapidly, "you smoke very good : st utK Golden Leaf and Returns ; not i a bad mixture, though I prefer a little ! Latakia with it myself. Not at all a i bad body yours, either," he went on. I eying the form in which he was sitting, " not at all a had body ; and it fits j me to a T. only a little" short in the i anus. By tlie "way. I find cue of your front teeth a little loose, so don't say ! I did that, when you come to yourself j again ; and your iiose is a little long I for me. but I dare say it blows none tlie worse for that." I shuddered as I I saw him take out my handkerchief, ! and use it on that cherished organ of mine. " Yes. I dare sav now vou feel the cold a little; I did at first; but it's nothing when you are used to it. I find your body very hot, being lieav ier than I am accustomed to wear ; but it won't he for long. W require it positively for this night only." as you say in your playbills, and will return it uninjured by" the time we get to Clieleliesfer. By the by. let me beg you to lie a little. careful how you throw your arms about so much as you did just now, for my body is of a more delicate construction tlian yours; and. Iwiiig so thin in substance, I am afraid you will wmg it under the arm pits. You will observe, ladies and gentlemen," lie went on in lecturer's style, "that in take a lighted Vesu vlan and Insert it in the cornea of the patient's eye, he will feel no pain." Saving this, my dreadful companion proceeded to illustrate liis remark by making a dive at my shadowy eye wirb a burning match. I felt no pain as the match burned in my head, cer tainly. You will allow, after all yon see. that my shape has its ml vantages, "the ghost proceeded ; "buf it also has its disadvantages. Try the piM? now." I tried So take the pipe; it dropped through mv vapory fingers. He placed it in my mouth ; i could not hold it. nor gf a whiff from it. "Precisely so." said the ghost. "Xow. this U jiit wlnt has brought me here to night. A great smoker all my life, doing mv six pipes n day regularlv. I have lieen defunct these two years and during all that time haven't had a smoke! not a blessed draw ! I miss my 'bacco dreadful. There is provis ion made for smokers, down with us, you will understand : but we are gov erned by a Board of Directors, whose incapacity quite equals that of most of your City Boards. There tsa stock of bodies kept on purpose for smokers, so that, if yon want a pie. you must go info one of the bodies to "enjoy it. But, it you will believe me. the 'sup ply is so notoriously insufficient, to meet the demand, that there is no chance whatever for a new ghost to get a smoke. When I entered the Society, all the bodies were out in use, and booked for three years in advance. My name has been down on the hooks fori wo years, and there Is no likeli hood of my getting a body allotted me under another twelvemonth. Fancy two years without a smoke! Why. sir. the iiicomietenfleof our Board is iositively wooden. I can only explain the reason why we put up with such gross mismanagement in tbe other world, because we have become so , used to it in this. Our constitutions, however, are Mug undermined to that extent tliat tlie Board has at last been coerced by popular feeling into Kissing a measure empowering ghosts ! to rentier themselves Visum to single i individuals at a time in order that they ! may effect an exchange of bodies for j short ioriods, always with the consent of the i'r)i in question, tortile pur pose of Indinging in a habit which the directors 'cannot, however, but char-ait-rize as pernicious and injurious.' Under tilts new act I obtained your bodv." . " You never had my consent, fiend!" I cried. " It is vulgar to call names, my friend," the ghost replied, smoothing my mustache with my fingers; "but you are trilling. 1 asked you to awugc jilHCtm with me. and you agreed, as you must lie well aware. But, dear me. here we are at (.'helcbesfer; however. I mmt finish my pipe-Hiiiuk of two years, and not a blessed draw, my, f riend ! " The train was pulling up. My com panion leaned out of tlie window, pulling fast and furious. Plenty of time to change bodies," he said : " it shall be done in an in stant as soon as the train stops." And he continued leaning out, and whiffing away great clouds of smoke, till we came to the platform. He hurriedly knocked onf the ahes of the tobacco on the door-rail, as the guard cried : " Change here change here : all change here, if yon please." A sudden glow of warmth seemed to pass over me as I rubbed my eye-, and found. to my great delight, my own smooth hands against my very own uuwriukled cheeks. 1 looked up for my companion -he was gone I was alone hi the carriage, I was greatly surprised, when I got on the platform, at being asked for my card by a very officious person ; -till more "so. on receiving a magis trate's summons in the morning. The officious person deposed thai be was tiw Secretary of the Anti-tobacco Al liance, and applied for a conviction against the undersigned, uiider one of the by-laws of the company, for smok ing in a railway carriage, the property of the 1). K. V. G. Company, contrary to their regulations. He declared to have seen me (only think !) lean ing out of the carriage as it came into the Chelchesfer Station, smoking a meerschaum pipe; -he guard gave evidence that the carriage certainly smelled very strongly of tobacco on arriving at C'lielehester, and that I was the Kiibj first class passenger. A meer schaum pipe, answering the officious person's description, was found on my person. Case was clear. Filled forty -hilling and 'Costs. Nay, more : the ease of smoking in a railway carriage has lieen gibbeted at all the stations on the line" where I am hung up as a caution and warning to the British public, in a solemn black fiame, with my name and address, and the amount of" the penalty enforced, at full length! It would have been useless to at tempt to dispute the case before the magistrates. It is something to have set one's self right with the public Vhuudmr' Juanut, Heroic Wife. The wife of Disraeli is said to be on the point of death. She is an able, ambitious woman, and lias always been her husband's most effi cient ally. Of her unflinching zeal in this, there is a curious story extant. When Disraeli was Prime Minister he had a very Important speech to make which would perhaps decide the fate of the Ministry. After a restless, troub led day of preparation, he entered his carriage with ins wife, and accidental ly closing t he door on her hand, nearly crushed two fingers to the bone. She bore the pain quietly, resolved that he should not lie diverted from bis great aim by any thought or fear concerning her ; talked bf his speech during his long ride to the house of Parliament, bade him good-by with a smile, and fainted. When he came home tri umphant, he learned for the first time of liis wife's hurt and heroism. A charcoal peddler, not far from Hartford, bad a Newfoundland dog which he biaght to jump into bis bas ket and lie down while he filled in the charcoal. When the peddler curried the basket full into the teller, the pur chaser looking Ollt of the window and checking the basket was quite satisfied. The dog, well trained, walked ollt with its master as if nothing bad hap pened. Tlie daughter)! this old char coal peddler has Spent several sum mers at Saratoga, tcith two large soli taire on her person. When the first suspension bridge was building in lHuglaud, a fiddler offered to fiddle it away. Striking one note after another, he eventually hit its vibrating note, or fundamental tone, and threw it into such ex traordinary vibrations that the bridge builders Bad to beg him to desist. Only recently -a bridge went down under the tread of Infantry hi France who had not broken step, and 300 were drowned. Ellas Williams of Buffalo. Missouri, blew into the muzzle of his gun to see if it was loaded. Could Mr. Williams communicate with his friends in this world, his spirit would gently whisper, "It was." , , HI'MUKUt'K. A classic invalid, being asked if he was 111. promptly replied, "Sum ." For what port Is a man bound dur ing courtship? Bound to Havre. A little girl of eight orten Summers lieing asked what dust was. replied flint "it was mud with the juice squeezed out." White coats are emblems of mourn ing among the Chinese. They will an swer the same purpose in the United States in tlie late fall season. There i nothing like a good defini tion, as the teacher thought when lie explained the meaning of "old maid as a woman who liad been made a very long time. The Toledo BJtto thus replies to an anxious correspondent : Abram If your father will iiersist in lictting on Greeley, there is but one way to stive his estate. Get out a writ of lunacy. Aim- ( lonrt will grant it on a statement of The case. Here is a good business-like epitaph: "Here lies Jane Smith, wife of Thomas Smith, marble cutter. This monument was erected by her husband as a tribute to her memory and a spec imen of bis work. Monuments of the same style $250." A school-boy going out of the play ground without leave, one Of his mas ters called after him and inquired where he was going. "lam going to buy a cents worth of nails." " hat do you want a cents worth of nails for?" "For a cent," replied the youngster. A broom with a heavy handle was sent as a wedding girt to a bride, with the following sentiment : This trilling gift accept from me, It's use I'd recommend : In sunshine use the busby part, III storm the other end. A young man rode ten miles in a railway carriage with a young lady with the intention of popping the ques tion, but all he said was. "It is quite moony to-night." "Yes,"she replied, "muchly." And there wasn't anoth er word said. Uncle Charles." said Jimmy, a six-year old, the other day, "can you tell me why the sun sets in the West at night and rises in the morning ?" "Pshaw," said I'nele Charles, "the first fool vou meet can tell vou that." "Yes Uncle." replied the sweet boy, "that's why I asked you." At a certain school in Green county, Iowa, the scholars caught a skunk and put it in the schoiMinarm's desk, thinking that slie would smell some thing and give them a holiday. She wasirt one of tttat kiihi. mic took a spring clothes pin, fastened it on her nose, went on with the exercises, and let the scholars enjoy the perfume. Didn't Givk rr Up. One of our citizens is blessed, or otherwise, with a very stubborn wife. In his case, be finds that when a woman will she will, you may depend on't, and when she won't she won't, an;' that's an end on't. litis peculiar disposition In his wife is no secret among Lis associates, and one of them meeting him the other day. asked : Well .do you know why you are like a donkey?" "Like a donkey ."' echoed W opening his eyes wide. "No, I don't. "Do you give it up?" "1 do." "Because yofir better half is stub bornuesss Itself." -That's not so bad. Ha! Ha! I'll give that to my wife when I go Inane." "Mrs. W -," he asked, as he sat down to Slipper, "do you know why 1 am like a donkey? He waited a moment expecting his wife to give it up, but she didn't ; she looked at him somewhat comtnlsenv tingly as she answered : "I suppose it's because vou were born so." W ha abjured the habit of put ting conundrums to his wife. Kakks. There are many kinds of kakc some of one kind, and some not. The "hojiuke" is particularly adapted to that kind of society who have nothing but a hoe to bake it oil. It isa native of "Westward, bo!" Ice kake is good enough to weigli down lemon peels in dog flays; also to hold butter that would otherwise travel oil tlie plate ; also toothache. Grease kake. otherwise called doughnuts, alias "eritlls," i; made by holding hunks of doe, by the fingers, in bilin' hot grease. They are very common but unhealthy beverage. "Pound kake" is my favorite. I always aim to get one that runs eigh teen to twenty nz. to the pot mil there is more good eating in it for the mon ey. Sponge kakc Is like pound kake. only it is a little different, and don't run so many oz. to the pound, though an nupraktikul eye would think it the cheaper kake. Oil kake is the squeezins of a oil mill 'I'll,,,' HVI .'(mil I'lHV a It, PL' ....... ..n,", .". ....... and fat horses. It is never knoed in a well-regulated dairy, as it makes the hair too slick, and rain having no ef fect on the milk. "Bride's kake." I don't know much about this kakc, as I never was a bride. But I suppose tiny make it very sweet. PIANOS ORGANS. PIANOS. HALLET, DAVIS & CO.' CELEBRATED PIANOS Tuke the HHghent Bank H.U.I.KT, DAYI A PIAJW Imveliecn selected lw :l'' KaecutlVO Committer of the W6ril JniHu a ; i ji Ilewt SMutUMi. No oilier Piano will lie used. Pranz jE5onc3oI, Tlie RTeatocI living Pianist, who was Id Boston, attending the Jubhce, snys : " the irmiei. ivi A o. Ptono fhh In every pjirtlculiir, all oilier PlIUMM." Call am) examine and mse for yourseh'c or send for Price Lis; inul t'iiviiittrs. V,'. K. llAlKiKI!. Sle Alfent, at Slow A linos' Art linllery. Ti Fil-sl street, Portland. ORGANS. RUT. .J. W. ROOM, PMMIHXU EI der of the Methodist Clijnvh, Sun Pinnctseo, says : "In my oplnloii.tit'onro WtMMlN A t'o.'s OryniiN have no cuuil for richness mi t sweetnew of tone, with great power. I am Dimiltar with nil the moat prominent orannn in the inarke', hove owned four dlaeroiil kinds, and nn hesitatingly sny t prefer those of Ueorge YCtKKls to it'nv ol her." Send for Price Lisl and Circulars for Ibe ilnest Oiiriin in the world. W. K. IIA'.KIKR, Sole Agent, at Snow .V Rons' Art tlnHery, ":i Firs: street, Portland, cr. August DKUvfmli SKWIXO MACHINES; a uiu victor ! Fob the ITew Wilson Underfeed Sewing Machine ! tt wn.i. nrajNurr thr haxt JL friends of the SEW Wilson Improyed Mu Machine. To know that in the stnlihorn enntest fnr superiority In snmplesof work, at the great Noil hern Ohio lair, their favorite has curried off the two great premiums the Medal for liesi six specimens machine work, and the Diploma for In sr embroid ery. Asthe great competition was In these twoelnsses.it will le seen that the Wit j son's victory is complete. We knew this onm i' so; ir count not oooinerwiso. Thcre is no talking down the tact that the New Wilson is I he best family Sewing Machine now nuuiufitctnrcd- apuile cil doing tlie liest work on any kind of good nndernll circumstance. This award of the highest preminm should and will silence the mik of that large class of sewing machine teen who have made this machine the object of their special enmity, simply liecatwelt isa mod orate priced machine imp nnderscUS ihcjr expensive ones, uo and see the Premlmn New Wilson Sewing Machine, the U-st in the world, now on exhibition at Snow & linos Art (alien, 73 First street, Portland, Oregon, and remember you can buy ibis premium luocuinu forjjO. tz&F AgollfH wanted. MINER ,t PEARSON. July 10, 72-Ki BLACKSMITHING I -AX I) - General Repair Shop. THE I XDERSIOXED RAVCCfl Re turned to Albany, and taken his old -nop on corner 01 r.nswortn ami ntoiiiI streets, annomices his readiness to attend to all kuidsof BLuVCKSMITinXG. MILL & MAClflXi: FoUti'Nli, ETC. Also, has on hand and for sale, the COQ3IUARD WAOOK. Straycr Porcc-ieed GRAIN DRILL. STAB IQOLINE, and other PLOWS WOO0 S RE PER & MOWER, which b(s .ill sell on the moft rcaHoiialili terms, HORSE SHOriNG Ailronnd.$2r Reletting1, $1. GIVE ME A CAM.. All work entrusted to me w ill rwtrtvi prompt attention, and lie executed in the nest possible manner, with good mnterial. A ihai' of public patronage is solicited. 83P8bopon corner Ellsworth and Beeond strretH, opposite Pieiw's Ferr . lev! F. WOOD. AllMiny Collegiate Inatltulc. AMIAXY, OKEttOX. rpiriS IXSTITCTIOX WILL REOPEN ON X Monday, Septetnlier 4, 1S71, with a corps of teachers capable and earnest. Instrnc tion will he thorongh and practical, and the system of order nnsurpassed. Forpor tleulan address R. K. WARREN, A. M., President; Or.Sev. E. R. OBARY, D. 1)., .Ubany.