5
A STUDY IN SCARLET.
BY A. CONAN DOYLE.
CHAPTER II Continued.
"From a drop of water," said the
writer, "a logician could Infer the os
siblllty of an Atlantic or a Niagara
without having aeon or heard of one
or the other. So all lift) la a great
chain, the nature of which I known
whenever we are Hhown a single link
of It. Like all other arts, the science
of deduction and analysts la one which
caa only be acquired by long and pa
tient study, nor la life long enough to
allow any one mortul to attuln the
highest possible perfection In It. He
fore turning to those moral and mental
aspect of the matter which present the
greatest difllcultles. let the Inquirer
begin by mastering more elementary
nrobletns. Let him. on meeting a fel
low mortal, learn at a glance to dis
tinguish the history of the -mnn, and
the trade or profession to which he be
longs, renrlle as such an exercise may
seem. It sharpens tho faculties of ob
servation and teaches one where to
look and what to look for. By a man's
finger nails, by his coat sleeve, by his
boot, by his trouser knees, by the cal
losities of his forefinger and thumb,
by his expression, by his shirt ruffs
by each of these things a man's rail
ing Is plainly revealed. That all unit
ed should fall to enlighten the com
petent Inquirer lu any case Is almost
Inconceivable."
"What Ineffable twaddle!" I rrled.
slapping the magailne down on the
table, "I never read such rubbish lu
my life."
"What Is It?" asked Sherlock
Holmes.
"Why. this article," I said, pointing
at It with my egg spoon as I sat down
to my breakfast. "I see that you have
read It, since you have marked It. I
don't deny that It Is smartly written.
It Irritates me though. It Is evidently
the theory of same arm-chair lounger
who evolves all these neat little para
doxes In the seclusion of his own
study. It Is not practical. I should
like to see him clapped down In a
third-class carriage on the Under
ground, and asked to give the trades
of all of his fellow travelers. I would
lay a thousand to one agnlnst him."
"You would lose your money." Sher
lock Holmes remarked calmly. "As
for the article, I wrote It myself."
"You!"
"Yes: I have a turn both for obser
ration and for deduction. The theories
which I have expressed there, and
which anoear to you to be so chlmorl
cal, are really extremely practical so
practical that I depend upon them for
my bread and cheese."
"Ami how?" I asked Involuntarily.
"Well, I have a trade of my own. I
auDPose I am the only one In the
world. I'm a consulting detective, If
you can understand what that Is. Here
In London we have lots or government
detectives, and lots of private ones,
When these follows are at fault they
come to me. and I manage to put
them on the right scent. They luy all
the evidence before me, and I am gou
erally able, by the help of my knowl
edge of the history of crime to set
them straight. There Is a strong ram
llv resemblance about misdeeds, and If
you have all the details of a thousand
at your finger ends. It Is odd If you
can't unravel the thousand and first.
Lestrado Is a well-known detective
' He got himself Into a fog roconlly
over a forgery case, and that was what
brought blm here."
"And these other people?"
"They are mostly sent out by private
Inquiry agonclcs. They aro all peoplo
who are In trouble nliout something
and want a little enlightening. 1 listen
to their story, they listen to my com
ments. and then I pocket my fee
"But do you mean to say," I said
"that without leaving your room you
can unravel some knot which other
men can make nothing of, although
they have seen every detail for them
selves?"
"Quite so. I have a kind of intuition
that way. Now and again a case turn
up which Is a little more complex
Then I have to hustle about and see
things with my own eyes. You see,
have a lot of special knowledge whir
I apply to the problems, and which fa
cilitates matters wonderfully. Those
rules of deduction laid down In that
article which aroused your scorn are
Invaluable to me In practical work
Observation, with me, is second na
ture. Yon appeared to be surprised
when I told you, on our first meeting,
that you had come from Afghanistan
"You were told, no doubt."
"Nothing of the sort. I knew you
came from Afghanistan. From Ion
habit the train of thought ran so swift
ly through my mind that I arrived at
the conclusion without being conscious
of Intermediate steps. There were sue
steps, however. The train of reason
lng ran: 'Here is a gentleman of
medical type, but with the air of a mil
Itary man. Clearly an army doctor,
then. He has Just come from th
troDlcs. for his face Is dark, and that
Is not the natural tint of his skin, for
his wrists are fair. He has undergone
hardship and sickness, as his haggard
face says clearly. His left arm hn
been Injured. He holds It in a stiff
and unnatural manner. Where in th
tropics could an English army doctor
seen much hardship ana got his nrm
wounded? Clearly in Afghanistan.' The
whole train of thought did not occupy
a second. I then remarked that you
came from Afghanistan, and you were
astonished."
"It Is simple enough as you explnln
It," I said, smiling. "You remind me
of Edgar Allen Poe's Dupln. I had no
Idea that such Individuals did exist
outside of stories."
Sherlock Holmes rose and lighted
his pipe.
"No doubt you think that you are
complimenting me In comparing me to
Dupln," he observed. "Now, in my
opinion Dupln was a very Inferior fol
low. That trick of his or breaking
on his friend's thoughts with an apro
pos remark after a quarter of an hour'
silence Is really very showy and super
flclal. He had some analytical genius
no doubt: but he was by no mean
such a phenomenon as Poe appeared to
Imagine."
"Have you read Oaborlau's works?"
I asked. "Does Lccoq come up to your
Idea of a detective?"
Sherlock Holmes sniffed sardonical
ly. "Lecoq was a miserable blunderer,
ho said in an angry voice; "he had
only one thing to recommend him, and
that was his energy. That book made
, me positively ill."
"Tho question was how to Identify
an unknown prisoner. I could have
done It In twenty-four hours. Lennq
took six months or so. It might be
made a text book for detectives to
tench them what to avoid."
I felt rather Indignant at having two
characters whom I had admired treat
ed In this cavalier style.
I walked over to the window and
stood looking out Into the busy street.
"This fellow .may be very clever." I
said to myself, "but be Is certainly
verv conceited."
'There are no crimes and no crim
inals In these days." he said, -queru
lously, "What Is the use of having
brains In our profession? I know well
that I have It In me to make my nam
famous. No man lives or has ever
lived who has brought the same
amount of study and of natural talent
to the detection of crime which I have
done. And what Is the result? There
Is no crime to detert, or, at most.
some Mingling viilnny witn a motive
so transparent that even a Scotland
ard official can see through It
I was still annoyed at his bumptious
tylo of conversation. I thought It best
to chance the topic.
I wonder what that fellow Is look
ing for?" ! asked, pointing to a stal
wart, plainly dressed Individual who tops, looking like the reflection of the
ns walking slowly down tne otnnr
de of the street, looking anxiously at
the numbers. He had a large blue en
velope In his hand, and was evidently
the bearer of a message.
"You mean the retired sergeant of
marines," said Sherlock Holmes,
"Hrag and bounce!" thought I to my
self. "He knows that I cannot verify
his guess.1
Tho thought had hardly passed
through my mind when the man whom
we were watching caught sight of the
number on our door and ran rapidly
across the roadway,
We heard a loud knock, a deep voice
below and heavy steps ascending the the Judgment.
stair.
For Mr. Sherlock Holmes." he said
stepping Into the room and handing
mv friend the letter,
Here was an opportunity of taking
the conceit out of him. He little
thought of this when he made that ran
dom shot.
May I ask, my lad," I said, blandly,
what your trade may be?"
Commissionaire, sir." he said, grurc
ly. "Uniform away for repairs."
"And you were." I asked, with a
lightly malicious glance at my eom-
nanlon.
a dnnn( an- TIAVnl Murine
.Ight Infantry, sir. No answer? Right Cuy yutiiiea me m rwm ao
sir
I was aniaied at th calm way tn
which he rippled on.
"Surely there la not a moment to be
lost." I cried; "shall 1 go and order
you a cab?"
1 am not sure about whether t shall
go, I am the most Incurably buy tiev
11 that ever stood In shoe leather
that Is, when the (It Is on me, for I can
be spry enough at times,"
Why, It la Just such a chance as
you have been longing for."
My dear fellow, what does It mat
ter to me? Suppose 1 unravel the
whole matter, you may be sure that
tlregson, lstrade ft Co. will pocket
all the credit. Tlmt comes of being
an uuolllclal personage."
"Hut he begs you to help him."
"Yes. 1U knows that I am bis su
perior, and acknowledges It to me;
but he would cut his tongue out before
he would own It to any third person
However, we may as well go and have
a look, I shall work It out on my own
hook. I may have a laugh at them,
If I have nothing else, Come on.
He hustled on his overcoat, and bus
tled about In a way that showed that
an energetic lit had superseded Me
apathetic one.
"(let your hat." he said.
"You wish mo to come?"
"Yes, If you have nothing better to
do."
A minute later we were both in
hansom, drlvluc furiously for tne
tlrlxton road.
It was a fossy. cloudy morning, and
a dun colored veil hung over the house
mud colored streets beneath.
Mv ramnanlon was In the best or
spirits, and prattled away about Cre-
m.iim n, lil es anil t ie ti mermen vv
twemt a Stradlvarltis and an Amatl.
As for mvself. I was silent, for tne
dull weather and the nielnuciioiy misi
ness upon which we were engaged de
pressed my spirits.
"You don't seem to give much
thought to the matter In hand." 1 said
st last Interrupting Holmes' musical
disquisition.
"No data yet." he answered, it is
.. . . . . - ... -I. l..t.,.a
a capital mismso m iiin
you have all tho evidence. It biases
iSl
X I'ltcl,
Fa..
You will have your data soon, I
remarked, pointing with my hnger,
this la the Brixton road, and that is
the house. If I am not very much nils-taken."
"So It Is, Stop, driver, stop:
We were still a hundred yards or so
from It. but ho Insisted upon our
alighting, and we finished our Journey
upon foot.
(Tn b roatinutd.)
A POSER IN ARITHMETIC.
UK descendants of "Molly
her," who reside In Carlisle,
recently celebrated I lie an
niversary of the battle of Monmouth,
lu which Molly performed the deed that
bus handed tier name down to poster
ity. Incidentally. It w ill surprise nii
people to learn that Molly's real lis tne
was not I'ltclier, but Hays.
The battle of Monmouth, which took
place after the llrltlsli evscuallou of
Philadelphia and was brought on by
the determination of lien. Washington
to follow and attack the en y as they
were retreating to New York, was
fought on niiu of the hottest days of
the year, a fact which may have he!pe;!
the Continental troops In catching up
w ith t!en. ('Union's forces. The Intense
heat, accompanied by rainy weather,
LET US ALL LAUGH.
JOKES FROM THE PENS OP VA
RIOUS HUMORISTS.
I'leaeant lurldeate Urcarrlng tne
World Orel Haylnae thai Are Cheer
ful to Old or roMB-r !
Mone thai Von Will Kujoy.
"I notice," suld the wrathful musi
cian, "Hint In your review of my pr-
foriiiiiii-e lust evening you speak of my
technique being faulty. Will you oo
kind enough to tell lue what you under
stand to lie the meaning of 'lech-
nliiue?" "
"Surely, air," replied the golf editor,
who had acted temporarily as musical
critic, "yon don't expect me to tell you
In the Hi-seiii-e of thie two young hi-
dies!" Chicago Tribune.
Learned 111. Ml. lake.
Farmer Ha) bill DM you ever buv
s gold brick?
Fiinni-r tiiitliniil -Never did! Hut,
bcgoiili, I bought what I thought was
une iiin-t.
A Hiul Yetrran.
Aanthar (tend War.
Oilminy Wot s de beat wsy to tear
a girl to s wliu?
Johnny Well, yer want to lane ner
gently by de band, b ad her g'-ntly
down to il water, put yer arm gently
'round Imt waist and
Chliuuiy Oh, cut It out. It s me sis
ter!
Johnny Ob! I'ush ber off do dock.
I'uck.
Kiel.
think I have beard," said the ten-
derfoot. "that the man yu canei iini-
tli-snake Hani came to an unfortunate
end hiigi for horse-stealing, or
so thing of that kind."
"Wuss than that, pard." replied the
cowboy, shaking bis lieail wun inena-
ble sadlieaa. "He was killed by Im-Ui
throwed fr'w a boss." Chicago Trib
une.
He clicked his heels together, raised
his hand In a salute and was gone.
Ksewlne. Ooea.
If vou ask a msn In the
CHArTEIt lit.
I confess that I was considerably
startled by this fresh proof of
practical nature of my companion s
theories.
My respect for his powers of anal
ysls Increased wondrously. There still
remained some lurking suspicion In
my mind, however, that the whole
thing was a prearranged episode. In-
ended to dazzle me, though what
earthly object he could have In taking
me In was pust my comprehension.
street the
simple question, "What is 1 divided by
a half?" lie will either reply tlmt the
oieratlon Is an Impossible one or that
the answer Is a hall. When you point
the ot that 1 divided by 2 is ball. In
will see that there Is something wrong
somewhere, but will sli'l bo quite un
able to give the right answer. When
you tell blm that the snsser is 2, lie
will either accept the assertion without
understanding It, or will dispute it
tooth and nail. II you attempt to con
vince him of bis error, vou will find it
Is not at all an easy tk.
Ilia mistake Brines through the con-
When I looked at him he had fin
ished reading the note, and his eyes founding of twodlstlnct Ideas namely
assumed the vacant, lack luster ex- i divided Into 2, and 1 divided by 2
presslon which showed mental an-Oiie divided lulu 2 I 1 divided Into
Iwn Ititrla ahHi-ll (Mlllltttllilllf s half. Cue
orld did you deduce llivi(M ,,y a U tltlil, ( i t0 2i r
the nnnilwr ol times 2 Is contained In
one. To anyone alio lias iiioiignt mo
matter cut this scums ch ar enough, but
to the man In the street it is Wr
nonsense, and lie will lull you so.
stractlon.
How In the
that?" I asked.
"Deduce what?" said be, petulantly.
"Why, that he was a retired ser
geant of marines."
I have no time for trines," ne re
plied brusquely ; then, with a amllo,
Excuse my rudeness, you broge tne
thread of my thoughts; but perhaps
It Is Just as well. So you actually
were not able to see tlmt the man was
a sergeant of marines."
"No, Indeed."
"It was easier to know It than to
explain why I know It. If you were
A Cruihln, Reply.
Referring to the "I'nli.it ami I'ew"
question raised by Dr. Ilortou's In
teresting exieriment, a rtortli Mumon
in In inter writni:
"I think we ministers rather relinli
nuun,i m nrove that two and two made criticism, but we gel too little of It."
four, you might find some difficulty, One rcalls In Ibis connection me
and yet you are quite sure of that story ol the young minister walking
fact. Even across the street I could 10me with one of the ciders after the
see a great blue anchor tattooed on ,0iVerance ol bin tlrflt sermon. After
the back of the fellow a nnnd. I nat momenta' silence the latter ob-
smackod of the sea. He had a mili
tary carriage, however, and regulation
side whiskers. There we have the
marine. He wns a man with some
amount of self Importance and a cer
tain air of command. You must have
obsorved the way In which he held
his head and swung his cane. A steady,
rosnectablo. middle-aged man, ton, on
tho face of him all facts which lod
me to believe that he bad been a ser
goant."
Wonderful!" I ejaculated.
I l 1T..1...AM
common uiucti, sum mum, ...... .. ,.i .!..,, .
though I thought from his expression " ' ' l: "
that he was pleased at my evident
served :
"You were not long
"I sm very glad to bear you say so,"
renlled the youthful cleric; "I aa
afraid I was toil Unix.
"Oh," was tho crushing reply, "you
were tedious." Westminster lla.utte.
An Aatrchli! Candidate
For the first lime in the parllnnien
tary history of Italy an avowed anarch-
1st, Plotro Calcagno, is s caiKiniaie i r
lie
lives on a small island in the Meiliter-
.....).. anrf admiration. "I said lust ranean and must not leavo mere wun
nnur thnr ham vkth no crLmina is. u out Bovernmeni consent, niuour m-
annenrs that I am wronu look at cauno lias been imprisoned several
this!" He threw me over the note I times because of bis anarchistic, nttor
which the commissionaire bad anCrH released only a abort I line
brought aso on account ol 111 health mid has
"why," I cried as I cast my eye over iie(i to this country and to Migiand
It, "this Is terrible!" raor8 than once to escai the police
"It does seem to be a little out of
not sr v. ii( hk woi.t r riTciiia uiku,
made slow marching, and at Mon
mouth, In-fore they could reach the
heights of Mlddletow u, 12 miles further
on, (he Hrltli.li were forced lo stop and
give battle. It Is said that because of
the heat many soldiers on lsith sides
fell oil this battlellcld without Weu
having received a wouud.
Willi John Hays, an American ar
tillery sergeant, during this battle, was
bis young wife, Molly, and she made It
her business to go ainoug tho men with
n pitcher of water to slake their thirst.
This gained for her the nick name of
"Molly I'ltclier." Mrs, Hays was of
Herman extraction, her maiden name
having been Mary I.udwlg. She did not
belong to the army at the time of the
battle of Monmouth, but alio bad fol
lowed her hiisluiiid In his various
marches and offered her service In car
rying water, voluninrlly. At Mouuiouth
she brought the water from a spring
not far away and kept up the work
unceasingly until the shot came which
struck her husband. When he fell an
Officer ordered his fUU to be w lli-eled
back out of the way, but Mrs. Hays
called out that she would serve It and
without wsltlng for an answer proceed
ed to do so, km plug the gnu lu effec
tive operation uutll the bill lie was end
ed. She wore a skirt made In the fash
ion of that time but over this was an
artilleryman's coat and on her head a
cocked lint with feathers lu It. The
next day Oen. tireeii hunted Molly up
and conducted her to tleii, Washington,
the commander In chief, w ho, contrary
to the rules of war, gave her a ser
fnnt's couiiiiImbIou, ami recommended
that her tiatue be placed ou the list of
half pay officers for life.
Sergeant llnya, Molly's husband, was
not killed In this battle, but only se
verely wounded and bis wife nursed
blm back to life again. This was not
the very first battle In which Molly bad
taken an active part. She was with ber
husband st Fort Clinton when It was
attacked by the Hellish ami the Amer
icans were forced lo retreat.
The soldiers were rushing out of the
fort and Sergt. Hays turned away from
bis gun. threw dow n his match and rnn
for his lire, his wife all ready to follow.
Hut seelug the live match on die
ground ami knowing that the gun was
loaded, she stopped long enough to
pick It up ami touch off the gun before
dashing away after her husband. That
was the last gun which the Americana
fired lu Fort Clinton.
Hut the battle of Montiioiith w as Mo!
ly's Inst. A few days later, on that
very Held of conflict, w as born her only
son, J oil ti I Hays, Ancr the war was
over Molly aud her husbniid went back
to her old home In Carlisle and lived
there with their son at the I'lilled
Slates barracks, built by the Hessians,
w ho were tnken prlsotierds at the battle
of Trenton. Here Molly cooked for the
soldiers and after the death of her bus
bund she kept a little store lu the
southeastern part of the town, close by
the house lu which Maj. Andre had
been confined after bis cnpluru near
I .a lie Champlaln. At the corner of Kast
North and North Hedford streets stands
the bouse where Molly pnssed her de
clining years and w here she died.
In the old cemetery at Carlisle, Pa
the cltlxeiis of Cumberland County
erected, July 4. 1,H,U, a monument to
Molly Pitcher, heroine of Monmouth.
Philip
Slaw Him Hfit.
Mrs, Dlinpleton-I am to see the doe-
tor today, and 1 know be will Insist
iism my going abroad.
The lion. John No, be won t. I met
blm yesterday and told blm If ho sent
you abroa4 I couldn't pay bis bill.
Kagslos;
'Hey, Where's that valise I gave you
er quarter ter carry for me?"
"It's all right, mister. Me little brud-
dcr's eoiiilu' wld it Just as fust as be
can."
How Cruel uf II Int.
Mrs. Mann William, why do you
rai-e off to the club every evening right
after dinner?
Mr. Maun I want to make up for all
the evenings I lost while I was court
ing. Chelsea Gazette.
She - So you fought III the
pines? ere you ever shot?
Tramp -Yes, mum. I w us shot twice
lice, and liuirsliol twice. i n li s go
American.
Ill ML.I...I.
I wonder w bat's ever become of our
old frli iul In-finer, who talked so much
f devoting himself to the uplifting of
luiiiiklinl. I suppose he's an evangelist
now."
No; he's an elevator man In the Sky-
reach llulldliig." Philadelphia Press.
Wuultl Work Well.
Mrs. Street - I have been very careful
with my daughter. I have told her
whenever she Is going to speak to stop
mid listen bow It sounds.
Mrs. I .n ne You ought to tell her to
illotv the same rule when she Is alsmt
to sing. onkors Statesman.
A Low Death Hale.
"You umy talk as you please," aatd
the public-spirited suburbanite, "but
our tow n Is all right. Why, look at our
rciiiiiiHiibly low death rale. That's au
argument."
'Yes, that's an argument," Interrupt
ed the caustic city man. "It shows how
very few people would care to lie found
ml there." Philadelphia Press.
The I'nnltulnubte.
Woman These llsh don't seem very
ffi-sh.
Fish Hawker (grow llngly) Wot you
wants Is llr.li caught to-morrow and
'ave 'cm today.
Ileliied Himself.
When I came to this tow n eighteen
years ii no." said (he leading cltlxeu.
bad only 1H pence In my pockets.'
However," the cynic kindly added,
"tin-re were other 'kcts." Tit Hits.
RECLAIMING! OUR DESERTS.
tho common," be remarked calmly,
"Would you mind reading it to me
aloud?"
This is the letter which I read to
him:
ftr TVinst U fllinrlnilr TTnlmoa.
There has been a bad business during of time until they get up a orport.io.i
the nluht at 8 LaurlRton Oardens, on o'g " ' """'
Unification.
"Sectional linen aro vanishing. Hoon
thero will be no north, no south, no
east, no west!"
"Yes; I suppose it s only a question
the Brixton road. Our man on the
beat saw a light there about 2 In the
morning, and as the house was an
empty one, suspected something was
amiss. He found the door open and In
the front room, which is bare of fur
ture, discovered the body of a gentle
man, woll dressed and having cards In
bis pocket bearing the name of 'Enoch
J. Drobber, Cleveland, Ohio, U. S. A.'
There had been no robbery, nor 1b
there any evidence as to how the man
met his death. There are marks of
blood In the room, but there la no
wound upon his person. We are at a
loss as to bow be came Into the empty
house; indeed, the whole affair Is a
puzzler. If you can come round to the
hoime any tlmo before 12 you will find
me thore. I have left everything In
statu quo until I hear from you. If
you are unable to come I shall give
you fuller details, and would esteem It
a great kindness If you would favor
me with your opinion. Yours faithful
ly, TOBIAS GREGSON,"
"Gregson Is the smartest of the
Scotland Yardnrs," my frlond re
marked. "He and LeHtrado are the pick
of a bad lot. They are both quick and
energetic, but conventional" shocking
ly bo. They have their knives Into
each other, too. They are as Jealous
as a pair of profuHRlonal beauties.
There will bo some fun over this coho
If they are both put upon the scent."
Puck.
Whit fit Could Do.
Tommy Ma, may I have Jimmy
Briggs over to play on Saturday?
Mrs. Foggs No, you make too much
noise. You'd better go down to his
house and play.
The Largcit Dome.
The largost dome In the world is that
of the Lutheran church at War saw.
Its interior diameter is 200 feet. That
of the British museum library is I'M
feet.
On the Move.
"They have two servants."
"Huh! That's nothing
usually have two in our hoiiso one
going and one coming." 1'liiladolplila
Press.
Wb
Leather Iron Cow'i Hide,
i cow's hide produces thirty-five
pounds of leather, and that of a horse
about eighteen pounds.
A Substitute,
Friend Got any dufiinso?
Criminal No; but I've got a first
class lawyer. Puck.
Tbsr Are Oratlually Yielding to th
Kncrnai hment of Civilisation.
The desert still maintains Its fust
Hesse In the West. There are some
spots better entitled to the name than
ethers, but each year these fastnesses
are shrinking before the advance of
human enterprise, as the water might
rise over the hind, leaving the high and
difficult places to the last. Ho these
Islands are scattered through several
States ami Territories, mostly lu Ari
zona, New Mexico, California, Nevada,
Utah and Oregon, lu tho great valley
lying between the main ridge of the
llocky Mountains, on the east, and tne
Cascades, Sierra Nevada and tho coast
range, on tho west.
Chief among them are the Mojavt
Desert, In southeastern California, a
territory as large ns Switzerland; the
Colorado and Ulln deserts of south
western Arizona and southern Califor
nia; tho marvelous painted desert of
northeastern Arizona; and the Great
Salt Lake desert of I'liih. Opening
northward from the Mojavo desert Hen
Death valley, perhaps the most deso
late and forbidding spot In America,
though comparatively small In extent.
Yet there are few places, even In
these desert strongholds, that are
wholly without life of one sort or an
other, and a large proportion of them
could bo reclaimed If water wore avail
able. Even as It Is, nut one can bar
human activity; railroads have been
built directly across three of the worst
of them; mines nre being opened nnd
oil wells driven; hind Is being re
claimed by Irrigation; and even In the
fastnesses of Death valley there are
many mining on nips and an extensive
borai Industry.
In all the West, look as you will,
says tho'Ccntury, you will llnd no des
ert more pitifully forlorn, more desert
ed, more Irreclaimable, and more
worthless than the niun-mnde deserts
of northern Wisconsin and Michigan
whore Are has followed the heedless
lumberman and sprend a black nnd
littered waste thousands of square
mllts In extent, where once grew a
splendid green forest of pine. One Is
beautiful with the perfected grandeur
Into which nature molds even the most
unpromising material; tho other Is
hldeotiB, grotesque, pitiful, a reminder
of the reckless wastefulness of man.
NEW ARMY UNIFORM.
Neighborly Advice.
Mrs. Nexdore My daughter's getting
to lie quite an enthusiastic piano
player.
Mrs. Pcpprey Yes: why dou't you
get her to Join a union?
Mrs. Nexdore Join a union?
Mrs. Pepprey Yes; she wouldn't
work more than eight hours a duy at It
then. Philadelphia Press.
Answtra lb Door.
Mrs. Tbroop (excitedly) Bridget,
there's s policeman ringing st the front
door U-ll.
Bridget (coolly) Well, ma'am, ye
can tell blm Ol'm not lu.
I'oll la.
Mrs. Jones John, there are burglars
down stairs!
Mr. Jones (sleepily) You go down,
dear. They wouldu't dare strike a
woman.
The Onlr Way.
3 Gfe'
He Knew.
Teacher James, you may tell where
the Declaration of Independence was
signed.
James Please, ma'am, at tho bot-
totn. IndlHimiiolla News.
W It son Y'es. sir; this summer 1 ex
pect to own my own home.
Kidder How long do you think your
wife will bo away? .
Pha Waan't There.
Woman (to dry goods clerk who has
been showing blankets for half au
hour)-1 thank you for your trouble,
but I really didn't Intend to buy any
thing. I'm looking for a friend.
Clerk-Well, If you think she's In
these blankets, I'll go through them
again.
tttiatoil Ktreela.
"Haven't been lu llostou lately, have
you V ".Nop." "Weve been making
some big Improvements there. Widened
one of our streets two Inches! Yes.
sir." Cleveland Plain Denier.
No Chance to Talk.
Wlgg-No. 1 can't say that Talkiilot
Is a friend of mine. 1 merely have a
speaking acquaintance with him.
Wngg Most people only have a lis
tening acquaintance. Philadelphia
Record.
Amotiif the Nobility.
Knickerbocker to He Hlllitltuted for
Long Trouaars
The Cnlted Stales army Is to have
new uniform. Radical changes tiro to
bo made lu both service and dress uni
forms of officers and men of
branches of the service.
Some tlmo sun Secretary of Sar
Root appointed a special commission o
arm officers to Investigate and rcpor
ou the question of Improvement lu th
uniforms now worn. This commission
has held a number of hearings, exam
I tied the uniforms of the armies of oth
er countries and will report to Secre
tary Root recommending a number of;
changes.
These recommendations w-lll lucludc
the adopttou of khaki as the service
uniform for all arms, but full length
trousers for privates are to be aliol
Ished. The new service uniform pro
posed will have, lu place of full-length
trousers, knickerbockers and either leg
gings or a wrapping for the legs similar
to that used In the Hi'IMhIi army. Iug
trousers aro to be retained lu tho dress
uniform, but the helmet will bo nlHil
Ishod and a enp with n visor substitut
ed. Tho brown slouch bat with the
service uniform will be retained.
The proposed changes In tho uniform
of officer nre all In tho direction of
simplicity, Tho present long, heavy
sword Is to be abolished In favor of n
short and light-weight weapon sliulliu'
to Hint now used lu the Italian nruiy.
In full-dress uniform officers will wear
0 enp with visor which Is to be modeled
after n pattern used In tho Prussliiu
regiments of the Germany army.
Tho knapsack Is tn he abolished nnd
In Its place there will be ft canvas bag
that will bo suspended by straps over
both shoulders. The bag will bung
about the middle of the back.
It Is expected that Secretary Root
will approve the proposed changes and,
unless It Is found necessary to hnve
Congress pass on the mutter, the army
will appear lu the new uniforms be
fore, the end of the year. So far as Is
known at present It will not bo neces
sary to refer the matter to Congress.
Washington Cor. St. Louta Republic.
urn
ft 111 on Kartb.
"You are an angel," asserted the
love stricken youth. "That's no reason
why you should keep her up to un
earthly hours," remarked the old uiau
from the head of the stairs. Philadel
phia Record.
lu
Mr. I'ppcrteu I suppose you saw a
great many old ruins while In Europe?
Mrs. Neiirlch Yes, Indeed. And sev
eral of them hud the nerve to propose
uiiii'i'hige.
Tempos Knult.
I don't like the man."
"Why not?"
"I hadn't been tnlklng to him Ave
minutes before ho said I was an
Ullot."
"Why the delay?"-Judge.
A cnt may look at n king and not seo
anything remarkable, either.
Wisdom In Kcllpae.
Joe You dou't seem afraid to talk
with the sweet girl graduate.
Dick No; those glH" M'o nil so
pleased with their new frocks that they
won't mention books.
A Timely Affair.
"You are charged with loitering,"
aid the repairer to the tired watch.
"W hat have you to say for yourself?"
"Nothing," replied the watch. "You
should Judge me by my works."
"Well, I will look Into your case,"
said tho repairer, "and If I llnd you
guilty
"What will you do?" queried the
watch.
"Set you to work doing time, prob
ably," replied the repairer, who had a
license to poNC as a Judge.
A V ii lid Reason,
"You refuse to saw wood for your
dinner?
"Yes, luily not that I object to the
work, hut I don't want to establish
a precedent." Judge.
Not Kuperatltlmis,
Teas Don't you renlly believe
dreii ms?
Jesse-No, Indeed. It's superstitious
to believe In dreams, and besides It's
bad sign when you believe In them,
for It usunlly brings you bnd luck.
Philadelphia Press.
Hid She Menn Anything Cnklnd?
Mother (exhibiting first born) Don't
you see a reacuimuucer Loot at our
faces side by side.
Visitor Nothing could be plnlucr.
Punch.
Revenue.
The Bride There's only one thing
needed to complete our happiness.
The (!rooiu-Whnt Is that, dearest?
The Bride I do wish my first hus
band and your first wife would meet
aud get married.
No Chance to Kepent.
Bllder You say you ninrrlcd in
haste. Then I suppose you are repent
ing nt leisure?
Glider No; I'm kept so busy hustling
that I have no leisure.
Wronaly Numed.
Mrs. Crlmsonbeiik What kind of a
cigar are you smoking?
Mr. CrlniHonbeiik That's tho latest,
dear; It's cnlled n Plug-Pong.
Mrs. CrlniNOiibenk Well, I can't un
derstand why they call It that (with
her bund nt her nose); It certainly Is not
adapted to tho house. Yonkcrs Statesman.
The Task Impossible.
The committee waited upon the suc
cessful man.
"Your fnmo has preceded you," they
Bald ns he entered the room. Ho
smiled serenely, "I am rnther well
known," he admitted, modestly.
"You hnve given names to sleeping
cars, new cigars, health foods nnd
games liiimas that have pleased the
public and your patrous."
Tho successful uian bowed.
"Well," said the spokesman, "wo
have a new baby at our bouse, and we
have como to you to select a name
that will please her parents, sisters
and brothers, grandparents, cousins,
uncles, Hunts and friends of the family,
and herself, later on."
The successful man frowned sternly.
"Sir," he said, "I do not undertake
the Impossible." Cincinnati Commer
cial Tribune.
A wash out ou a railway. Hue Is oue
thing and It Is quite another on a
clothes line.
Many a man seems dead to the world
when he la burled lu thought.