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About The Hillsboro argus. (Hillsboro, Or.) 1895-current | View Entire Issue (March 6, 1902)
at CHAPTER XIV.-(Contlnue4L) "So, ao yon were (print on me!" cries he, In little gasps. "What brought yon, eh? That door below wss locked baa bees locked for fifty year, la there a conspiracy against me, thea, that yon can thua force yourself into my preeeare. In apite of bolta and ban?" "The lock gave way," stammers Vera; "It moat hare beea old, broken by age, rusty. I had nothing to do. It waa hjr the merest chance I came here. I am sorry, sorry." Her voice die tn her throat. "I doa't believe it; there la more that yon keep behind. Speak, girl; apeak, I command you! Who ahowed yon the way here?" "I hare told you," aaye Vera, tremn lonaly; "yon moat beliere me. It I had known I ahould not hare come. I I am aorry I hare ao frightened yon, but " "Who aaya I am frightened V He turne upon her with a bitter acowi and a pierc ing glance. "Why ahould I care a boat being disturbed when I waa merely idling away a dull hour by looking through my own wilir "Yours r aska Vera, innocently enough. "Ay, whose else?" he aska, with a aarl of anger. "What do yon meaa, j girl! Do you doubt my word? Whoae lae ahould it be eh, eh? Go, leave me," erica be, furiously; "and curved be the day yen ever aaw my house!" lie waves to her to bare him, and, more onnerred than ahe haa ever beea la all her life before, ahe retreats behind the heavy curtain and runs with all her night down the dark corridor without, dowa the steep stairway, aad ao out lata the passage into the hall. ' CHAPTER XV. Going to where Tom Peyton la dili gently weeding, Griselda takea him to task. "Why didn't yon tell me your eister waa the sweetest woman on earth V de mands abe, in quite an aggrieved tone. "Because ahe isn't," aaya Tom, triv lag with a giant dock that has treacher ously concealed itself beneath the spread ing learea of a magnificent dahlia; "you are that." "Nonsense!" aaya Griselda; aad then, "Oh, Tom! what do yon think ahe Is going to do at once? She la going to make an effort to induce Uncle Gregory to let Vera and me etay with her at The Friars! Only fancy if ahe aucceeda! Wasn't it perfectly lovely of her to think f ur "Oh, ahe isn't bad," aaya her brother, broadly; "but may I aak how she pro poses tackling the old gentleman?" "Through Seaton." "If Seaton helpa her " The words die on hie lips, Ma jubilant air forsakes him having turned a cor ner of the secluded pathway they had chosen, they run right into the arma of 8eaton Dyaart! For a moment tha two men gaie blankly Into each other' eye. "What is the meaning of thia masque rade?" demanda Dyaart presently with an angry frown; "what brings you here, Peyton, in that dress, and with my cousin T' "Yoa certainly have every right to ask," aaya Peyton, with a rueful glance at his damnatory clothing, "but surely you might guess the answer. The fact la, I'm in love!" He makes thia con fession with a careful artleaaneas aot to be surpassed. . "In love?" exclaims Dyaart, frowning till more darkly. "Quite ao," amiably; "fire fathom deep. And your father being so so ex clusive," making a hard fight for a civil word, "I couldn't manage to sea her In any orthodox fashion, so I took service bere." "Her? whom?" asks Dyaart, changing color. A audden light flashes into his eyes; to him, as to Tom Peyton, there is but one "her" in the world. "Why. Griselda," aaya the latter, aa if amazed at the other'a atupidity. "And what do you suppose will be the upshot of all this?" sternly. "That, my dear fellow, la what I have ever yet gone into. But marriage, I hope." "Pshaw r saya Dyaart, impatiently; "end what of Griselda?" "Griselda has confessed that ahe likes me a little. I say, Dysart," with a sud den change of tone, "you won't tell your dad-ehr "I am much more likely to tell your aister," says Seaton, angrily. "You needn't She knows. She was here just now, and la full of a desire to kidnap Griselda and carry her away to The Friars. I aay, Dyaart, my slater de pends upon you to make your governor give us consent to the girls going oa a visit to her; you won't disappoint her, h?" "I'll do what I can." graveiv: "bnt I shouldn't advise you to be too sanguine aa to tne result 01 my interference." True to his word, Seaton manared. af ter a hard fight, to secure his father's . consent that Vera and Griselda might pay a two weeks' visit to Lady Rivers- dale. It is quite five o'clock when the ar rive and enter the spacious hall of The Friars, that now la filled with a delicate, somber light. A crimson stream from a painted window, somewhere in the dls tance, casta a flood of glory, blood-red, at Vera's feet, and a comfortable tinkling f spoons clinking against china smites their ears. At the top of the room, reclining In a rather listless fashion on soma velvet cushions, are two little girls, quite lovely . enougn to arrest tne gaze of any casual observer. They have given in to the en rioaity attendant on the entrance of the new guests, and fix their large wide eyes on Vera, who, in turn, looks back on them with a certain Interest, Lady Klversdale, by a word an In tensely proud, fond word had intimated that they were her children. The young er, taking her courage In both hands. lip her little allm fingers nnder the narrow gold bangle that adorn Vera's wrist, and begins to push them up and down with childish, diffident gesture. "What's your name?" asks she, gravely. "Vera." "Vera!" Both children repeat the word with a sort of gratification. "But tell us you bare another name, haven't your "Dyaart," confesses she, softly. "Why. that' Scaton'a name," cries Dolly, brlghteuVig, and looking up at the tall young man who I standing near them; "isn't It, Beaton? Why, you must be something to him. Sister eh?" "No." aare Vera, shaking her head, "You can't be hi mother?" hazards O young' child, uncertainly. Vera laagr lightly. 'No," ahe aaya again. "1 have it! I know It!" exclaims Dolly the wis, glancing up triumphantly; "you are-hla wife!" Thia ianocent bombshell spreads dis may la the camp. "Who la that pretty -little girl over there?" Vera asks, with a wild longing to change thia embarrassing conversa tion, pointing to where the girt who had first attracted her la aitting, "quite oppo site, in the red-sad-whit gown? Do yon as her?" "Ob! that hi Mary Butler. Don't you know her? Every body know Mary But ler. We lore her, ao doea everybody "Mamma aaya Seatoa doea," aay lit tle F lossy, mildly; "perhaps that'a why he woa't marry you." "It waa tree, then." think Vera. A great sense of disgust rises up within her, swallowing all other thoughts. And yet he would have forsworn himself! Wonld bave-aiay. he would do so still. Oh, the ahameloeeaess of it! Perhaps something of her secret acorn communicates Itself to him. because even la the midst of his apparently engross ing coa versa tins he lifts his head abrupt ly and his eye seek hers, and read them aa though he would read her soul. And then a carious light flashes into his face. He makes a movement, quick uagoveraea, as though he would rise and go to her, but, even aa he does so. some one steps out from the shadows behind her, and, bending over her, holds out his aesxj a young man, tau. well favored. smiling, with aa air about him of aud den, warm delight "You remember us?" ha says, ao dis tinctly that Seatoa can hear him across the room. "To think that I ahould have tha happiness of meeting you here to day and after so many vain inquiries. How It bring back the paat to aee you. Venice, Rome, that last carnival. Vera, say yon are glad to aee mer Soma people walking past them, and auddenly standing still, obliterate them from Seatoa' view, but when next he looks tha stranger I sitting beside her. ana vera, with lushed cheeks and bril Uaat eyea, fall of aa unmistakable wel cense, ia murmuring to him in low, soft "Wbo ia tbe maa talking to my eousln?" asks Seaton, indicating Vera's companion by a slight gesture, and speaking la a toae ao changed that Miss Batler involuntarily lifts her head to look at him. "Lord Sheltoa," she aaya. "George Sandea he waa. Don't yoa know him? Great hunting man. He came in for the title aboat eight montha ago. That brought him back from hi big game in the CHAPTER XVI. In the laet four day Peyton ha mys teriously disappeared, ao on know whither, except perhaps Griselda. his sis ter aad two o titer. "North" he waa go ing, he said ta inquiring friends. To-day, however, he has turned up again, admira bly dressed aa aver, and aa radiant a a good conscience should make aay man. I m so glad Tom ha got back in time," aaya Griselda. "I quite feared Uncle Gregory would ha toe many for him. Vera, what makes you look like that darling? Now tell me what it is that has annoyed you." "I must be mad to be annoyed." sars Vera, with angry self-contempt. "Seaton again r "It ia alway Seaton," with an increase of her irritation, "when it isn't hi fath er. Waa there no other path into which fate could have flung me, except thia? Yes, It is Beaton." Bnt why think so much about him? He cannot Interfere with you now, be hi father never ao persistent in his Idea of marrying yon to him, because all the world caa see he is good ss engaged to Miss Butler." 1 pity her, then, with sll my soul! What a family to enter! She is too good to be sacrificed so cruelly. I believe he I employed by hi father to watch me, to report all that I say or Ah!" she break off abruptly, and point almost triumphantly to the pathway outside, where indeed Seaton atanda. That it ia one of tbe most public walks at Tha Friars, that Seatoa might hare, aay, Indeed haa, come this wsy without Intention of say kind ahe doea not allow herself to believe. 'I told you," she says, vehemently, "It 1 to spy upon my every action he la hare! On, fool that I was, to dream of being free far even these few day!" Baa ha come a step or two forward; a scarlet tide at Indignant humiliation haa dyed her cheeks. She still points toward Seatoa with oa trembling hand, while be, advancing (lowly, look with some anxiety from her to Griselda, who la sore ly troubled, a If to demand an explaaa tion. 'I think yon must be mlataken. dar ling," aha aaya, nervously, laying her hand upon her slater's arm. "I feel sure Seaton would not undertake the part you have assigned him. Seaton, apeak to her; tell her It I impossible that yon ahould so thia thing." "What thing? Of what doe (he ac cuse me?" hi brow growing dark. "She imagines or, of course, It is all a mistake but she ha somehow got it into her head that you are here to to watch her." "I that how it strike you?" ay be, lowly; a endden, short, miserable laugh break from him. "So that i bow you look at It? Great heaven, to think how I have loved you such a you so poor a thing! It shames me now to think of It!" He draw hi breath sharply, though ah writhe. "No, you (hall hear me! I have heard much from you, first and last this shall be the last, I swear! Here, even now, In this moment when I find you ao altogether contemptible creature. It ia my misery to know that I still love youl Day after day you have heaped Insult upon me. Your every look ha been an affront. I have said too much," he continue, wearily; but with a little eloquent gesture she render him silent "On, not too much, but perhapa enough" aha smiles again, that cruel amile that hurt him Ilk the sharpest atab "surely.lt would he hard to expect yon to find another Insult to-day. To morrow, perhaps. And now let m say one little word. Hare I no causa to doubt von?" " "None, none!" declare be, vehemently, She throw out her hands with a lit tie expressive movement "I leave that to your own conscience, to your own sense of right and wrong," she says. shrugging her ihronlder. finely. "But ones r all." raising her voice and throwing up her head, "I warn you. Rather thsa marry yon," making a alight gestae of horror, "I would accept the first man that asked mer A faint rustle among the bushes out side, a footstep and Lord Sheltoa stops into view. 'I hold you to your word," cries he. gayly; he step lightly within the flower- crowned archway, and looks straight at Vera. He ia smiling, but underneath the smile lies a longing to be taken seriously. You give me a chance," he aaya; "I here, before witnesses, declare myself a suitor for your han.l" his expression la still wavering betwixt mirth and gravity, and he holds out to her both hia hands. 'You are not however, the first to ask her," aaya Dysart, tn a voice vibrating with many and deep emotions. Hia brow la black, and anger tights tor mastery with despair in hia dark eye. era, pale aa death, but with a little indignant frown, tepa between the two men. "What does It all mean?" she asks, contemptuously; "would you make a tra gedy out of a farce? It so, at least be good enough to assign we no part la It. She sweeps both men out of her path by a alight imperious gesture, and pass ing them, walks swiftly away In the di rection of the house. (To be continued.) THE FILIPINO SCHOOLBOY. Ha Leans Very Little About tha United State. It ha been frequently remarked that tha Filipinos could have no conception of the extent and resource of tha Uul- ted State, or they never would baveknow wUb Jwl beea deceived Into tbe hallucination i rour (,u,ck temper, your homely, bu- that they could successfully combat us. In going through their school here I hev eo.il.1 .uv-..fnll. comhat n. found a little manuscript volume In which. In less than hundred manu acrlpt pages, was comprised all of syn tax and geography that was taught tha children here. And It must be remem bered that Malolos, before the Insur rection, waa an Important city tn this part of the world, and one where tha children would be expected to receive the average education. Turning to one of tbe pages In this book that I picked up. I found the United State of Amer ica discoursed upon. Immediately after Nlgrlcla, and just before Mexico. Here Is the entire lot of Information given aa to the United States, In the form of questions and answers: "Where Is this country (tbe United States) situated? In North America. "What are Ita boundaries? To the north, British America; to the east, the Atlantic ocean and tbe Bahama chan nel; to the south, the Strait of Florida and 'the Gulf of Mexico, and to the west, Mexico and tbe Grande (Pacific) ocean. What Is the form of government? It (a a federal republic. "Of what la this republic composed? Of forty different State. "What are Its rivers and mountain? Tbe most notable riven are tbe Mls lslpl (literal spelling), the Niagara, the Mlssorl (again the literal spelling), the Colorado and the St Lawrence, and tbe principal mountains are the Cumber land and Rockies. "What la the capital? Washington, bnt tbe most important city 1 New York. 'Protestantism prevails, but there re Catholic archbishops." And this Is the sum total of what the average Filipino boy has been taught about oar rather considerable and somewhat prosperous country. Manila Letter In Leslie's Weekly. He Had Two. Ont on Lexington avenue a cable car topped at the signal of a man by the wayside. The man was bareheaded and carried a baby on his arm. By his ide stood a woman. As tbe grip car halted tbe conductor wnng from tbe front platform of tbe trailer and stepped quickly forward to aid In the loading. Bnt tbe man with bis disengaged arm assisted tbe woman to mount the steps, Then the conductor reached forward and grabbed the baby, evidently in tending to pass it to tbe woman. "No. you don't id the bareneaaea man. a he Quickly backed away. "Get one of your own." "Pooh," cried the grinning conductor, "I've got two! AH right!" And the car rolled on-Cleveland Plain Dealer. Milk and Egg Bad Diet "People over 30 would do well to give np milk and eggs In any form as a diet," said a well-known physician. "These are the structure-forming food of animals which mature In a short time, and when taken in quantities by human beings whose structure have already formed tbey tend only to tbe hardening and aging of the tissue. I have seen people who were beginning to find stair climbing difficult, and who were losing their elasticity, much bene - flted by eliminating these articles from tholr dlof That thera has boon rata their diet. That there has been a great Increase In tbe duration of life below tbe age of 30 statistics prove, but be yond that period there has been no Im provement In my opinion, the person over 30 would have as good a chance to preserve life as the child just begin ning Its straggle with existence If be would only suit bis diet to bis years." Preferred English. French politeness i( proverbial, and deservedly io, If tbe following Is a fair example of It Scene, a (hop In a French city. Briton Vooley voo donny mwaw Tbe proprietor Pardon! Monsieur can speak the English to me. Briton Why o? Can't you under stand my French? The proprietor Monsieur, I am from the south, and find It difficult to com prehend tbe true Parisian accent. PIck-Me-Up. Foreign Capital in Spain. There Is mucb French and Belgian capital Invested In the principal rail way line of Spain, while England owns many of tbe shorter lines and 1 also at tbe bead of the mining In terests. A Harem Car. Central Asian railroad manager try to meet tbe desires of their public. A harem car with latticed window baa been constructed for tbe Emir of Bokhara. A thankful man owes a courtesy ever; tbe unthankful but when b need It Ben Jonson. ' Tbe population of the world Increases 10 per cent every tea year. L. HIS FAVORITE SOVEI POPULAR ENGLISH WRITER AN SWERS A QUERY. A Few Reflections I pon "David Cop perSeld" and tome of It Principal CharactersWhy the Book Will Lire Hnmanity Likes Sad Btorlee, Mow can I aay which la my favorite novel? I can only aak myself which Uvea clearest la my memory, wbk h the book I run to more often thk., to auotiier, In that pleaaaut halt hour be fore tha dinner bell, when, with all apologies to good Mr. Smiles, It la use less to taluk of work. I find, on examination, that my "Da vid Copperfleld" la mora dilapidated than any other novel upon my shelve. Aa I turn It dog eared pages, reading tha familiar headlines: "Mr. Mlcaw ber la difficulties," "Mr. Mlcawber In prison," "I fall la lor with Dora." "Mr. Barkla goes out with tbe tide-," "My child wife," "Traddlea lu a neat of roses," pages of my own Ufa recur to me, so many of my sorrows, ao many of my Joys, are woven In my mind with this chapter or tha other. Old friends, all of )ou, how many ttmea have I not slipped away from my worries luto your pleasant couipauy! Peggotty, you dear soul, the light of your kind eyes Is so good to ma. I "J UlOURUt iOU yoUWMt I will never guetui your worth bow i much the world Is better for such a 'rout You thluk of yourself aa of a commonplace person, useful only for the making of pastry, the darning of stockings, and If a man not a young man, with only dim, half opeued eyes, but a man whom life bad made keen to see the beauty that lies blddeu be hind plain faces were to kneel and kiss your red, coarse band, you would be much astonished. But he would be wise man, Peggotty; knowing what things a man should take carelessly, and for what things be should thauk God, who has fashioned fairness In many shapes. Mr. Wllklns Mlcawber, and you, most excellent of faithful wives, Mr. Emma Mlcawber, to you I also raise my hat How often has the example of your philosophy saved me, when I, likewise, have suffered under the tem porary pressure of pecuniary liabilities when the tun of my prosperity, too, has unk beneath tbe dark horizon of the world In short when I, also, have found myself In a tight corner! And you, sweet Dora, let me coufesa I love you, though sensible friend deem you foolish. Gallant Traddlea, of the strong heart and the uuruly hair; Sophy, dearest of girls; Betsy Trot wood, with your gentlemauly manners and your woman' heart, you have come to me In shabby rooms, making tbe dismal place seem bright Id dark hours your kindly faces have looked out at me from tbe shadows, your kind ly voices have cheered me. To sum up, "David Copperfield" Is a plain tale, (Imply told; and aucb are all books that live. Eccentricities of style, artistic trickery, may please the critic of a day, but literature Is a story that Interests us, boys and girls, men and women. It Is a sad book, too; and that, again. gives It an added charm In the sad later days. Humanity Is uearlng Its old age, ana we nave come to love sadness, as tbe friend who has been longest with us. In the young days of our vigor we were merry. .With Ulysses' boatmen, we took alike the sunshine aud tbe thunder of life with a frolic welcome. Tbe red blood flowed In our veins, and we laughed, and our tales were of strength and hope. Now we sit like old men, watching facea In the fire; and the stories that w.e lore are sad stories like the stories that we ourselves have lived. Jerome K, Jerome, In New York News. HOLIDAYS IN CUBA. About 200 of Them In a Tsar-Amerl can's Disastrous Experience. "I never did find out exactly how many legal holiday they have In Cuba," snlU an American who had one run a augar plantation over there, "but I waa green enough In tbe beginning to figure them out at eight or ten. knew they bad three or four more than In this country, and didn't take the ex tra ones Into account wbeu sigulug coutracts. 1 bad to sign coutracts with my foremen, engineers, firemen, and so on, to tbe number of twenty, and It was by the month, with all legal bolldnyi thrown In. We had been cutting cane !and tng gugflr tnrea or tuUr da j wnerl , weut down to tue ,Ugar bouse i . . . one morning to nnu au tne nana idle. "'What doe this mean?' I asked of tbe native manager, who was strolling about "It's a saint' day and a legal holi day, aenor,' he answered. " 'But we can't (top business for saint I protested. " The contract, (cnor the contract. "Tbe whole gang waited tbe whole day doing nothing," sold tbe planter, 'but went to work again next day. At the end of three days tbe calendar brought around another saint, and busi ness was (hut down again for twenty- four hour. When tbey bad played It on me for the third time In a fortnight I went to tbe alcalde of the village and aid: "'book here, now, cut bow many holiday do yoa have In this country?' "'I have never counted tbem up, senor,' be replied, 'but I believe there ar about two hundred.' " 'And are my band obliged to keep them all r " 'Not all, senor. I should tay that If they kept 150 of the taints' day tbe others could go by.' " 'And I must lose a third of tbe time and pay for all of it? '"Si, senor. A contract is a con tract Surely you would not wish your laborers to lose tbete souls?' "Tbey bad me tight, and as a conse quence I made only half a crop and came out a loser by 115,000 at tbe end of tbe year. It was not until I had (old tbe business In disgust that I learned what a fool I had made of myself. I bad signed contracts, as I have said, but If I bad greased that alcalde's palm wltb $29 lu gold be'd have seeu me Jtbrougb." "In what way?" was asked, aay the Detroit Free I'reaa. Why, he'd hare ccratched all but two or three alnta off the Hat and run em In oiMomebody else, ami my hand ouldu't have had mora than oue cele bration a month, I waa aaa euougb not to tumble to It and ha waa too modest to offer hi aor vices'." DECREASE OF KISSING. Women Now Oreot Rack Other ita Urasp of tha Hand. I thia page right or la It mlataken In thlnklug that kissing among women la greatly on the decrease? Time was when feminine relatives met tbey In variably saluted each other on the lips, not because of any great eateem that they felt one tor the other, but becauae the tie of blood seemed to demaud aome warmer greeting than a mere handshake. Why, one country church In Southern Maryland that thl page attended aa a child had a congregation In which ev eryoue wa related to everyone else, and before the morning aervlc on Sun day a regular ovulatory meeting waa held In the vestibule, even tbe rector being sometime Involved, though, of course, without scandal for nothlug less than aecotid cousin were expected salute him. After service adieus were said tn tbe aauie warm fashion, and then tbe flower of the countryside drove away well pleased with Itself. Sometime email boy aud self-con scious youths writhed out of the grasp of those who would careaa them, aud niHuaged to elude their pursuers, but generally everyone submitted with the best grace he could muster to a cere mony that wa plainly perfunctory, but done lu the beat Interest of tbe com munity. A tittle later than thl the cheek be gan to lie offered for the dilute Instead of the mouth, and this page remembers well with what embarrassment did aha wonder what (he waa expected to do with tbe ear her Cousin Bella, late from New York, turned toward her. Luckily he gave It a dutiful peck, and did not scream luto It a ahe wa half mluded to do. Turutug tbe cheek. It now become apparent, waa an expedient luteudvd to let one' friend and relatives down easy before ceasing to klsa tbem alto gether, for It waa shortly after thl that tbe masculine grasp of tbe band came Into such vogue. Said grasp aceuia now more than popular. One rarely sees a warmer greeting between two feiulu Initio lu public, but It seenia sufficient to express a rare degree of cordiality, Tbe bachelor girl would scorn anything more enthusiastic, of course, and her mother almost as rarely forgets her self. Occasionally a white-hatred old lady Indulge tn some (bow of tenderness when people ar about, but ahe quickly check It a she remember that (be may have an audience. After all, why may uot a warm claap of the hand express as much affection and sincerity as a kiss? Perhaps It may, Perhaps It expresses more. At all events, feminity teem to think It tbe moat fitting greeting at thl period of the world' history. Baltimore New. Writer Whoae Name Contain "W." Beginning with William Shakapeare. we remember Instantly Sir Walter Ral elgb. Sir Walter Beott, William Word worth, Washington Irving, William Makepeace Thackeray, Henry W. Long fellow, John G, Whlttler, William Cul Ion Bryant, Ralph Waldo Emerson. Oil ver Wendell Holme and Walt Whit man. Other whose name occur a! most simultaneously are William Cow per, Isaac Watts, Henry Ward Beecher, Daniel Webster, Wendell Phillips, George William Curtis, Richard Grant While. Julia Ward Howe, Goerge W Cable, William 1). Howell. Char lea Dudley Warner and Richard Watson Gilder. To these are easily added Sir William Wuckxtotie. John Wesley, Ed mund Waller, Nathaniel P. Wlllla. Wnl ler Savage Laudor, Will Carlelon James Whitcomb Riley, Thomas Went worth Hlgglnson, Dr. 8. Weir Mitchell, Ilamlltou Wright Mable, William (I I'rescott, Constance Pen! more Woolson, Mary E. Wllklns, and many inore.-La dies Home Journal. letter Writing; Ceasing. Tbe autograph letter Is rapidly be coming a thing of the pust Shorthand and the typewriter have killed It N business man nowadays writes a letter with bis own bund; be supplies tbe matter and his signature, and bis typist does the rest. It Is an age of short cuts, and even literary men find It more profitable to dictate than to write their copy. Oue of tbe most suc cessful of modern newspaper proprie tor confessed the other day that he bad not written letter for seven years, although hi private correspond ence amounted to more than fifty let ter dally, says the Loudon Tattler. Cabinet ministers alone seem cling to tbe old tradition. Lord Sails- bury abhor a typewritten letter, and Arthur Balfour write a large part of bis correspondence himself. Even Mr, Chamberlain, who I essentially op to date, seems to regard tbe typewriter as altogether Inferior to tbe telegraph a a vehicle for conveying bis opinions, Tbe Mirror Prehistoric. An Ingenious archaeologist says that tbe oldest evidence of civilization tbe mirror. The Japanese and Coreans discovered the art of making one from Iron at least 2,600 year ago. This long period I dwarfed by tbe Chinese rec ord, which show that mirrors, large and amall, made of brass, copper or liver, have been In use In that land over 4,000 yean. De Morgan found mirror that seemed to dat from the second dynasty In Egypt about 5,000 year ago, and the latest Investigation In tbe civilization of Akkad and Nip pur show tbat the belle of those half forgotten countries used to admire themselve In glasaes of some sort or In burnished metal, at least fifty ceu turtea before tbe Christian era. New York Mall and Express. A Mean Mother. Tommy Ma, can I have two piece of pie this noon? Ma Certainly, Tommy. Cut the piece you uHve In two. Somervllle Journal, Consistency Is a Jewel wltb which beauty Is seldom adorned. Tbe less a man cares the more lov womaa wastes on hlin. IUMOR OP THE WEEK STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN Of THE PRESS. Odd, Cnrlon and LangbaMe Phases f Bsnis Natare Graphically Pnr frayed by Katlneat Word Artists of Oar Own Day A Budget si la. "The postman has Juat brought in Auut Jane' present," ll the poet' Ife. "What do yoa think It Is?" I don't know," replied the poet, dis turbed at work. "But can't yoa think?" "Gee whlii! How do yoa (xpect m to thluk now? I'm writing something for the magaaluea," Philadelphia Pre. la Flaht Dr. Phil Graves-l can't do anything for your eye. I'll have to put In a glass one. Fuller Boote Not on your life; no glass eye for me. Dr. Phil Grare-Vby not? Fuller BooWby, say, Doc, would get smashed In a day or two. HI Plan. And now you must aee papa," twit tered the happy maiden, after consent lug to be hi. I will, my love, Just ai oon aa I go borne." "How can you see hlin there?" "I'll see him over the telephone." WHAT A "aS$k 'J5APPHM' -r The Parson-Child of the Evil One, why do you fight thus? Do yoa not know that perdition stare the In tbe face? Child of tbe Evil One-Yea, an' lt' a pity yer hadn't better manner. Felln Depravity. "Ob, Horace!" walled bl wife, "I have Juat found out that AJax. our beautiful Angora rat, baa beeu leading a double life." "Tbat makes eighteen, I auppo," aid Horace. "What has he been do ing?" "Yoa know I let him out every morn ing, because he seem to want to go and play out of dors. Well, 1 bare discov ered tbat be goes orer to tbe Robinson and let them feed him and pet hlin." Chicago Tribune. Between Friend. Edlth-Ferdy and I have been en gaged for a womb, and nobody u- pected It Ethel No; everybody thought from hi look be'd been playing tbe races. - Puck. Bobby -They chool. Ills Mam ma-Why? Bobby 'Co I'm alway at tbe foot of the claai. With No Hope of Pardon, Clerlcus It I pretty tough to aee a young man of 20 sentenced to state prison for life, Cynlcua Oh, yes; but you e men married for life every day all around you Somervllle Journal. Hoptful. Visiting Clergyman Do you ever look forward with fear to the awful torments that await you In the future? Prisoner Well, I don't know, lr. When I get out my wife may not b Ilve.-Llfe. For Concentration. Desmond If you buy this elegant for coat, Dorothy, how are we ever going to pay for It? Dorothy Oh, Desmond, don't let' talk about two thing at once! Let' talk about the coat. Life. Presence of Mind. "I think It wa tbe most touching play I ever saw, yet there tat Maud Garllngliorn aa dry-eyed as could be." "Because she knew ahe would have to be dry-checked when (ho came out under the glare of tbe electric light." Chicago Tribune. Her Accomplishment. Lady Sneerwell Have your daugh ters accomplished mucb In music? Unfortunate Father Yes; tbe lodgers below bare moved. A Financial View. Eudacla-I knew tbat man wai pbyalclan by tbe way In which he shook bands, Edgar Yea, of course; that'a his fS touch bis tender, delicate, considerate I touch.-Detrolt Free Press. call me "corn" at Problem Solved, Lady (eklng a coo4-Tou have good reference. I suppose? Appllcant-No, ma'am. 1 haven t any at alt, ma'am. Lady-Hut I really do not like the Idea of engaging a cook without refer ence. Appllcnnt-Oh. that'U be all right, ma'am. Xou can pay me In advance- Chicago News. Private and Personal. Teacher - Sappoat) as Irresistible force ahould meet an Immovable body, what would happen? Little Girl-Please, air, ma aaya I mustn't talk about oar family affairs. Puck. HeaerveaL "l'v aeon a good many people paint In' around here." "You must be quit a critic I aup por "No; I keep m opinion to maeelf." Puck. - Rent Ptoaenre, Her ratber-Ahat I caught yoa kiss ing my daughter, sir! What do you mean by that ort of buslnee? lie) I don't consider It business "t au, air, but pleasure, purely pleasure, Philadelphia Preaa. He Never Went There Agelak noatoM (at tbe partyl-Mla Robinson haa do partner for thl waits. Would yoa mind dancing with br Instead of with me? Hawhward-Ou the contrary, I ahall be delighted. What SKonM ( Thaa. "Soma men aeeoi bora to command and yet do not fulfill our expecta tion," aatd tbe Wis Ouy. "Maybe tbey get married," suggested tbe Simple Mug.-Phlladelpbla Kecord. Surprised. Frank-Were you actually aurprlaed, aa you Mid, when I proposed? May-Yea, Indeed; I really bad all but given you up. PITY I Contrary Bird, "Just for tbe novelty of the thing." aid Poll, the parrot "I tblnk I'll swear off on swearing." And the oatb It took In tbe process waa frightful to hear.-Chlcago Trib une, Kaplan Hon. Mother Where are you going nowt Tommy Nowhere. Mother oh, you know yoa are going somewhere. Tommy-No, I'm not I'm coming back. Bsprewlve. Rlter (after reading bla poetn-Now. what do you tbtnk of It? Crltlck-Well Rlter-Of courae, I know the meter I a little alow, but Crltlck-Yea; I waa going to ur Ita feet appear to be aleep.-Pbltdolphla i-rea. Interested Him. "Tbl," ald tha guide, a w passed through tbe workshop and Inspected the massive machinery, "I a traveling crane." "Where?" asked the ornithologist of the party. "I am Interested In migra tory bird." Christmas Cirar. Ethel lup tlr)-I pnpa smoking? Maude (down (talrs)-Yea. Ethel (up tnlrs, reslgnedlyl-AH right. I thought omethlng might be burning In the kltcben.-Somerrllle Journal. What She Wanted. Mr. 8lmplatou-I want to get a dog. Dealer In Dog Ym'ui. What kind do you want? A pug, a fog terrier, St. Bernard, I run letter or Mr. Slmploton-No; I want to gel one of tboae ocean greyhounds that I've read about In the papera.-BalUuiore American, Had Mad a Record, Aacum-I bear you've atarted your ion In buitncaa for himself. How la be doing? Blchman Splendidly. He'i been In buslnes nearly two montha now, and be hasn't failed yet.-Tid-Blti. Proving; HI Identity. Strangeri frequently find difficulty In proving tbelr Identity to French offi cial at poitofflcea and other place, says the Pari Messenger. Applicant for letter, t cetera, often go empty away for want of som mean of prov ing that tbey art what tbey pretend to be. The difficulty was, however, sur mounted tbe other day by a gentleman In the clrcua builneat who called at tbe Thlonvllle poitofflce for letter ad dressed M. X , acrobat Tbe post office clerk wa not satisfied with tbs applicant' proof of Identity and re fused to band over tbe letters, laying: "How do I know tbat you .TT the man?" "After a moment' reflection the ap plicant ald: "All right, 1 will give you proof," and illpplng off bl coat, he proceeded to make tbs dull tittle poitofflce lively with somersaults, contortions and cir cus "business" generally, Tbe post office man, scared out of hi life and 'fearing tbs wreckage of tbe premise, banded over tbs letter and (aid bs was aatliflsd. SPSS?
