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About The Hillsboro argus. (Hillsboro, Or.) 1895-current | View Entire Issue (Aug. 29, 1901)
The Doctor By Hcsba CHAPTER U.Contlnue.) A little crumbling path led round the nek m along the tdn of tae reTine, I cheee It because from It I could eee , all the famtaatlc shore, heading la circle towards th !! at Breckkou, with tla. nntrodden have, covered at thla ; hour wltk ealy ctltteriac ripples, tad with all the soft aad tender ahadowa at tka heed lande falling acraaa them. I tu Just civing my last look to than ; whoa tha looaa atocaa oa the crumbling patk (a way ander my tread, aad be- fare I coald recover my foothold I fouad myself elippiag dowa tha almoat peree. dlcular (aea of tha cliff, aad vaiaty clutching at every brambla aad tuft at mat irowlns la lu clefta. I landed with a ahock far balaw, aad far eome tima ley ineenslble. Aa nearly aa I coald maka ant. It would ba kick water la about two hours, Tardif kad art at at lew water, bat bafora starting ka had aald eomething about raturalag at hlgk tide, aad rnaulac ap kta boat oa tha boach at aur Uttla bar. I' did that ha aaoat paaa cloaa by aa. It waa Rah ardaj atoralac. aad ba waa la tha kabtt at rctaralac earl oa Saturdays, that ha might praaara tor tka services at the act day. At laat whether years ar hours onlr had gone by, I could aot thoa have told you 1 heard tha regular aad careful beat f aara upon tka water, aad preaeutly tha grating of a boat'a kaet upoa tka abla tio. I could aot tura rouad or ralaa aiy head, but I waa aura it waa Tardif. Tardif:" I cried, attempting to about, hat Bvy voice aouadod very woak la my awa aara, aad tha other aouada about ma aeemad very loud. Ha paaaed thea, aad atood quite still, llitealag. I raa tka flngere of my right kaad throuch tha looaa pebblea about ma, aad kla oar caught tha alight Bolee. la a meases 1 1 heard hla strong teat caaalag across thaw towarda ma. "MsaVaeue." ha exclaimed, -what kaa happaaod your I tried to unite aa hla honest brawa face heat over ma, full at alarm. It wii ao craat a relief to aea a face lika hla attar that loag, weary agoay. Tro fallca dowa tka eilf." I aaid feebly, "aad I am hurt." Tha atroac m" ahook, aad hla head trembled aa ha atooped dowa aad laid It uader aay head to lift it up a Uttla. Hla agitation touched ma to tha heart Tsrdlf," I whispered, "it la aot very mock, aad I might have bcoa killed. I thiak my foot la hurt, aad I am quite aura my arm la broken." Ha lifted me la hii arma aa aaaily aad teaderly aa a mother lifts ap her child, and carried am gently up the ateep elope which led homewards. It aeemad a loag time before we reached the farmyard gate, and ha shouted, with a tremendous voice, to hla mother to coma aad opea it. Ksmt lent ahall f tnrmt tha Mlht I could aot aleep; but I auppoae my miod waadared a Uttla. Hundreds at tlmea 1 felt myaelf down oa the ahorc, lying help lees. Thea I waa back again ia my own homo la Adelaide, oa my father'e aheap farm, aad ha waa atlll alive, and with ao thought but how to maka everything bright and gladaome for me; aad hun dreds of timea I aaw tha woman who waa afterwards to ba my atepmother, eteallnc up to tha door and trying to cot in to him and ma. Twice Tardif brought ma a cup of tea, freshly made. I waa vary glad wkea the first gleam of daylight aboae lata my room. It seemed to bring clearness to my brain. "Mam sella, aaid Tardif, coming to ' my aide. "I am going to fetch a doctor." "But It ia Sunday," I answered faint ly. I knew that ao boatman pot out to aea willingly oa a Sunday from Bark; and tka last fatal accident, beiag oa a Bun- day, had deepened their reluctance. "It will ba right, mam'selle," ha an awered, with giowiag cyan. "I hare ao .. fear." "Do aot ba lone away, Tardif," I aaid. aobbing. Aot ona moment longer than I eta help," ha replied. CHAPTER III. I, Martin Dobrea, coma Into tha Grange, belonged to Julia; aad fully half of tha year's household expenses ware de frayed by her. Our practice, which atory to tell my remarkable share la Its events. Martin, or Doctor Martin, I waa called throughout Guernsey. My father waa Dr. Dobrea. Ha belonged to oae of the oldest familiea In the island, bat our branch of it had been growing poorer in atead of richer during the laat three or four generations. We had been gravi fating ateadily downwards. My father lived ostensibly by hla pro fession, but actually upon the income of my cousin, Julia Dobrea, who had been kla ward from her childhood. Tha house we dwelt In, a pleasant one In the and I shared between us, was not a large one, tnongn ror its extent it was lucrative enough. But there always ia an Immense number of medical men ia Guernsey In proportion to Ita population, and tne island is neaitny. There was small chance for aay of us to maka a fortune. My engagement to Julia came about so easily and naturally that I waa perfect ly contented with It We had been en gaged sines Christmas, aad were to ba married in the early summer. Wa were to set up housekeeping for ourselves; that waa a point Julia waa beat upon. A suitable house had fallen vacant in ona of tha higher streets of St Peter-port, which commanded a nobis view of tha ses and the surrounding Islands. Wa bad taken it though It was farther from the Grange aud my mother than I should have chosen my home to ba. She and Julia were busy, pleasantly busy, about the furnishing. That waa about tha middle of March, I bad been to church one Sunday morning with these two women, both devoted to me and centering all their love and hopes in we, when, aa wa entered tha house on my return. I heard my father calling "Martin! Martini" aa loudly aa he could from his consulting room. I answered the call instantly, and whom should I ace but a very old friend of mine, Tar dif, of the Havre Gossclln. Hit hand some but weather-beaten face betrayed great anxiety. My father looked cha grined and Irresolute. "Hera's a pretty piece of work, Mar tin," he said; "Tardif wants one of ua to go back with him to Bark, to set a woman who has fallen from the cliffs aad broken her arm, confound It I" "Dr. Martla," cried Tardif excitedly, "I beg of you to coma this Instant even. She has been lying in anguish since mid day jeeterday twenty-four houra now, air. I started at dawa this morning, bnt both wind aad tide were against me, and I have been waiting here aome tima. Ba quick, doctor! If aha ahould ba Qilemma Strttton Tha pear fejlew'e voice faltered, aad his ayea mat mine imploringly, tfe aad l had baea fast friends la my boyhood, and ear frteadshlp waa atlll Bras aad true. I ahook Ua kaad heartily- crip which ha rata reed with hla fingers at Iran till my awa tingled again. "I kaew you'd came." ha gasped. "Ah, PU go. Terdit." I aald; "only I must ct snatch at something to aat while Dr. Dobrea puts np what I aha II have need at, W ba ready la halt aa hour." Tha tlda waa with as, aad carried aa ever buoyantly. Wa anchored at tha fisherman's landing place below tha cliff at taa Havre Oeaaelln. aad I climbed readily ap tha rough ladder which lea da ta the path. Tardif made his boat se cure, aad followed me; ho passed me, aad etrede oa up tha steep track to tha aummit of tha cliff, aa if Impatient ta reach hla home. It waa thea tha J gave my Irat serious thought to the w .:. aa who had met with tha accident "Tardif, wha la thla person that la hortr I naked, "aad whereabout did aha fallT "She fail down yonder." ha answered, with aa add quaver in hla voice, aa ha pointed ta a rough aad rather high por tion of tha cliff running Inland; "tha stones rolled from under her feet ao, ha added, crashing down a quantity of tha looaa gravel with hla toot "aad aha allp ped. She lay aa tha ahiagle underneath tor two houra before I found her two houra. Dr. Martian Tardif a mother rama to ua aa wa en tared tha house, i She beckoned ma to follow bar into an inner room. It waa email, with a catling ao low. It eremed ta reat upon tha four posts of tha bed- "HE PAUSED THEN." atead. There were of course none of tha little dainty luxurlea about It, with which I waa familiar la my mother'a bedroom. A kmc low window opposite the head of the bed threw a. atroog light upon It There were check curtaiaa drawn round It and a patchwork quilt aad rough, home-epua linen. Everything was clean, but coarse and frugal, auch as I expected to find about my Hark patient In tha home of a fisherman. But when my eye fell upon tha face reating oa tha rough pillow I paused In voluntarily, only Just controlling an ex clamation of aurprise. There waa abso lutely nothing la tha surroundings to mark bar aa a lady, yet I felt in a mo ment that aha waa one. There lay a deli cate refined face, white aa the linen, with beautiful lipa almoat aa white: and mass of light shining silky hsir tossed about the pillow; aad large dark gray eyes gaxing at ma beseechingly, with an expression that made my heart leap aa it had never leapt before. That was what I saw, and could not forbear seeing. I triad to cloaa my eyea to tha pathetic beauty at tha face before ma; but It waa altogether la vain, if 1 had seen bar before, or if I had b prepared to aea any oae Ilka her, I might have succeeded; but I waa completely thrown off my guard. There the charm- lag tact lay; the eyes gleaming, the white forehead tinted, and tha delicate mouth contracting with pain; tha bright silky curia tossed about In confnaioa. I see it bow, Just as I saw it then. CHAPTER IT. I aupposs I did aot stand still mors thaa five seconds, yet during that pause a host of questions hsd flashed through my brain. Who wna thla beautiful crea ture? Where had aba coma from? How did it happen that aha waa In Tardlfe house? snd so an. But I recalled myself sharply to my senses; I waa here aa her physician, aad common sense and duty demanded of ma to keep my head clear, I advanced to her aide aad took tha small, blue-veined band into mine, and felt bar pulse with my fingers. "You are In very great pain, I fear,' I said, lowering my voice. "Yet," her white llpa answered, and aha triad to smile a pstlsnt though a dreary smile, as she looked op Into my face; "my arm Is broken. : Are you a doctor?" "I am Dr. Martla Dobrea," I ssld, passing my hsnd softly down her arm. Tha fracture waa above tha elbow, and waa of a kind to maka tha setting of it give her sharp, acute pain. I could I aba was scarcely fit to bear any further suffering Just then; bat what was to ba done? She waa not likely to get much reat till tha bono was set "Did you ever take chloroform?" 1 asked. "No; I never needed It," she answered. "Should yoa object to taking It?" "Anything," aha replied passively. "I will do anything you wish." I went back into tha kitchen and open ed tha portmanteau my father had put up for ma. Splints aad bandages were there In abundance, enough to set hslf ths arms In ths Island, but neither chlo roform nor anything in tha shape of an opiate could I find. I might almoat aa well have come to Bark altogether un prepared for my case. I atood for a few minutes, deep ia thought. The daylight waa going, and it waa useless to waste time; yet I found myself shrinking oddly from the duty be fore me. Tardif could not help but aea my chagrin and hesitation. Doctor," ha cried, "aba Is aot going ta die?" No, no," I answered, calling back my wandering thoughts and energies; "there is not ths smsllest danger of that I must go and aet her arm at once, and thea aba will aleep." I returned to the room and raised her as gently and painleasly as I could. Shs moaned, though very softly, and she tried to smile again aa her eyea met mine look ing anxioualy at her. That smile made ma feel like a child. If aha did It again I knew my handa would be unsteady, and her pain be tenfold greater. "1 would rather yea cried aut or heat ed,' I aaid. "Dea't try to central your self wkea t kurt you. You need not ba afraid at eeemlng Impatient, aad a loud scream or two would do you good. I felt the ends of the broken bone grat ing together aa I drew them into their right places, and tha eeasatlca weal through and through ate. I kad ( scores at brokea limbs before wiih ae feeling Ilka this, which waa ao near ua nerving me. AU tha time the girl's white face and Irmly set tips lay under my gate, with tha wide open, unflinching ayea looking straight at me; a mournful, silent, appeallag face, wkkk betrayed tha pala 1 made her suffer tea tlmea mora thaa aay cries or shrieks could hive dose, I smoothed the coara pillow tor her ta lie mora comfortably upoa them, aad I spread my cambric handkerchief ta a double told between her cheek aad tha rough linen toe rough for a soft cheek like hers. "Lie quite still," I ea'.i. ."Do ant stir, but ga to aleep aa fast aa you can." Thaa I went out to Tardif. "The arm ia eat" I aaid, "aad now aha must get eome aleep. There la not tha leaet danger, only we will keep the house as quiet aa possible." "I must co ud bring la tha boat," ha replied, beatirrlng himself aa it soma spall waa at aa end. "There will be a storm to-night and I ahould aleep tha sounder it aha waa safe ashore. Tha feeble light entering by the door, which I left opea, ahowed ma the old woman comfortably aaleep la her chair, but not ao tha girl I had told her whea I laid her dowa that aha must lie quite still, and aha waa obeying me implicitly. Her cheek atlll reated upoa my kaad kerchief, aad tha brokea arm remained undisturbed upoa the pillow which I had placed uader it. But her eyea were wtda opea aad ahinlng ta tha dimness, and I fancied I could aea her lips mevlag la resaaatty, though soundlessly. The gala that Tardif had foretold came with great violence about tha middle of tha night The wind howled up the long, narrow ravine like a pack of wolves; mighty storms of hail and rain beat la torrenta againat the windows, and tha aea lifted up lu voice with uamiatakabla energy. row aad again a stronger gust than the others appeared to threaten to carry off tha thatched root bodily, and leave us exposed to the tempest with only the thick stone walla about ua; and the latch of the outer door rattled aa if some ona waa striving to enter. The westerly gale, rising every few hours into a squall, gave ma no chance of leaving Bark tha next day, nor for some daya afterwards; but I waa not at all put out by my captivity. All my In- teres ta my whole being in fact waa ab sorbed in tha care of thla girl, atrangar aa ana was. I tnougnt and moved, lived and breathed, only to fight step by step againat delirium aud death. There seemed to me to be no possibility of aid. The stormy waters which beat againat that little rock In the ses cams swelling and rolling In from the vast plain of tha Atlantic, and broke In tern pestuous surf again! the island. Tar dif himself waa kept a prisoner In tha house, except when be went to look after hla live stock. No doubt It would have been practicable for me to get aa far aa tha hotel, but to what good? It would ba quite deaerted, for there were ao via Itora to Bark at thla aeaeon. I waa en tirely engrossed In my patient, and 1 learned for the firat time what their taak la who hour after hour watch tha pro gress of disease In the person of one dear to them. Oa the Tuesday afternoon, in a tem porary lull of the bail and wind, 1 stsrt ed off on a walk across the ialand. The wind was atlll blowing from the south west and filling all the narrow ses be tween ns and Guernsey with boiling surge. Very angry looked tha maaaea of foam whirling about the sunken reefs, and very ominous the low-lying, hard blocks of clouds all along the horuioa. I strolled ss far as the Coupee, that giddy pathway between Great and Little Bark, where one can sea tha aeetblng of tha wavea at tha feet of the cliffs on both aldea three hundred feet below one. Some thing like a panic seised me. My nerves were too fsr unstrung for me to venture across the long, narrow isthmus, I turn ad abruptly again, and hurried aa fast aa my legs would carry ma back to Tar dlfa cottage. I had been away leaa than an hour, bnt an advantage had been taken of my ab sence. I fould Tardif ses ted st tha table, with a tangle of silky, ahlning balr lying bafora him. A tear or two had fallen upon It from bia eyes, I understood at a glance what It meant Mother Kenouf, whom he bad secured ss s nurse, hsd cut off my patient'a pretty curia as toon as 1 was out of the houaa. Tardif a great hand caressed them tenderly, and I drew out ona long, glossy tress and wound It about my fingers, with a heavy heart "It ia Ilka tha pretty feathara of bird that has been wounded," aaid Tar dlf eorrowfully.' Just then there came a knock at tha door and a sharp click of the latch, loud enough to penetrate dame Tardif s deaf eara, or to arouse our patient, if she had been sleeping. Before either of us could move the door wss thrust open snd two young ladles appeared upon the door all). They were It flashed across me In an Instant old acbool fellows and friends of Julia's. I declare to you honeatly 1 had scarcely bad one thought of Julia 1111 now. My mother 1 had wished for, ta take her place by this poor girl's side, but Julia hsd hardly crossed my mind. Why, in bearen s name, should tbo appearance of these friends of bers be ao distasteful to me just now? I bad known them all my life, and liked them aa well as any girls I knew; but at this moment ths very eight of them was annoying. They atood in the doorway, aa much as tonished and thunderstrickeu as 1 was, glaring at me, ao It seemed to me, with that aoft bright brown lock of balr curl ing aad clinging round my finger. Never had I felt so foolish or guilty. (To be continued.) We do not wish to get Into an argu ment with any woman over what ber husband spends on himself, but did you ever Know a man woo nad ms pants mended, who didn't bare to go to bed while It was done, or have then mended while they were ou? WAR ON THE HOPPERS THE GOVERNMENT PREPARES TO FIGHT THE INSECTS, Poet of the Great Karmlaa Realoae of tha Weal aad tteathweet ta Be Bat tled Against by Plague Cawea Oraat Aaaaal Iaaaaar That tha United States' great farm ing rvglous In the West and Bouthweat way ba rid of a iwst which annually tluvatons tha crops wtlh destruction and causes an enormous fiuauclat loss, tha government has adopted a new and extraordinary weans. Uraeahoitpers exist in untold numbers la New Mexi co, Colorado, Wyoming and Nebraska, but tha situatlou In Southern Texas aeeuia to be worse than anywhere else. To relieve tha dlatresa occaaioued by th grasshoppers, government cutoiuol- ogtats are putting up In Utittles dlseaa germs of a fungous kluil, deadly to grasshoppers, and la sending them to parts of the country where tha damage threatens to be particularly sever. The fungus la obtained from South Africa, where It has been used with great success receutly, vnst armies of grasshoppers being literally wled out by it It Is propagated artificially by applying a bit of It to a sterilised prep aration of gelatine and blood serum, on which the germs multiply rapidly. Thus prepared, the "cultures" are aeut out In glass tubes, corked with absorb ent cotton and sealed with red wax, each one being enclosed In a pasteboard eylluder. Directions tor use accompany the package. In Colorado last summer there waa an outbreak of fungus disease among grasshoppers, and quantities of the dead Insects were shlpiied to Washing ton and utilised here for making "cul tures," A whitish, thread-like growth on the bodies of the victims furnUhed LARGEST KNOWN SPECIES OK GRASSHOPPERS, (Tha picture ahowa him one-half life alia.) the requisite genus. These "cultures" have been distributed during the pres ent year In Colorado, experimentally, while the disease from South Africa Is being tried In Texas. Infecting the Oraaahnppera. On receiving a bottle of the fungus, the farmer Is directed, by an accom panying printed slip, to put a number of live grasshoppers lu a wooden bos, together with a portlou of the germ ma terial. They will quickly become In fected, when be may liberate all but half a doxeu or so. These, when dead, will serve to co tu rn uu teste the disease to other living grasshoppers, placed In the bos for that purpose. As fast as they are Infected the "hoppers" are to be set free In the fields to distribute the plague among their fellows. The grasshopper Is one of the most serious problems encountered by the farmer In the West. Owing to the set tlement of great areas which formerly were Its permanent breeding grounds, producing regular and enormous crops of the voracious pests every year, the Insect no longer appears In those mighty swarms that used to arrive like devastating armies and devour every thing green. But even nowadays not a season passes that the "hoppers" do not appear In alarming numbers In some parts of the country, destroying the crops and bringing great loss or even ruin to the helpless agriculturist The "hoppers" sow their eggs, plant ing on one season those which are to be batched the next The female drills a bole in the ground with the horny tip of ber abdomen, and In this sbe lays about 20 eggs, which are bound to gether In a mass with mucus excreted by the mother Insect. The burrow Is filled np with mucus, which makes It watertight. Fighting tha Peat. ' Now the farmer's best chance is to destroy the uuhatched eggs, and this he tries to do In various ways, the most effective perhaps beiug to slice off an inch of the top soli, dry It and pass It through sieves to separate the egg masses, which are burled In deep pits. In the wheat growing regions burning machines, which are open gates on run ners, filled with lighted pitch pine, are drawn by horses across the fields. An other method consists In digging pits, Into which the swarms are driven, with the help of widespread wings of cauvns stretched on sticks. The eggs are enveloped In tough lit tle capsules, not easily broken by pres sure between thumb aud finger,- but when ready to hutch the coot of the ovum Is dissolved and releases the In sect. When new 1mm the young grass hopper Is covered with a sort of veil, which presently splits along the back and is kicked off behind. So long as CONSUnPTJON MORTALITY Vtmn j Bssvas raa ijoeTrnie '1 1 1 1 H H i H I f I n h mm h " n t " n i n n t ft i . i? awtePiatk jaaaaBBtawa-ajBsass rtaaaa . aaBaiaawaaBnnam Mmw. . aVa'atataaajaasasasm IM ; mmmmmmassmmmmmmmmmmmM ttswYerk n-aan-BBBanTa-as ; nflllriaili BBBBBBBBaaaaaaBBjs - OaMCaw ana-am. ' flattls . . aBfaannafBnBwflnBnnmBBnBaaa WaMasKw WKKBKtKKEKKRKRnmto - Lessen. - wmmmmssm Following the discussions at the recent Tuberculosis Congress In London on the cure and possible eradication of consumption, tha London Sphere has com piled the record of deaths In ths world's Isrgest cities. From this It prepared the relative diagram- shove, which shows that Chicago ba lowest mortality rate from the disease aad Buda-Peith tbe highest there Is plenty of food In the neighbor hood he dues nut move about much, but when the available provender la ex haunted he si art out to look for au other spot. It la lu tills way that tha great mlgra ttoua are begun, an army of graiutlitip pers on the march beiug often aa much aa a mile wide. They cov. 'ae ground densely, devouring aa they gv all grass, grain aud gnrdcu truck. Sometiiuea two such armies crone each oilier, but each keepa right along In lis own course. Some grasshoppers are among the moat lieautlful luaects In the world, with wings resembling In beauty aud delicacy of hues the petals of flowers pluk, green, blue and otherwise tinted with many rarlatlona. There are some of huge slie, which have a spread of nine Inches or wore from wlug tip to wlug tip. Anybody who will examine a grasahopiier rau not fall to admire the beauty of tta con at r act Ion. and particularly of the ar mor In which It la clad, though It Is peacable creature and by no weans In clined to combat COW DEFENDED HER OALF. Pal a Haaary l air to Flight After a Battle Kayak The calf, having nursed sufficiently and feeling his baby legs tired of the weight they had not yet learned to car-1 ry, laid himself down. On tbla the cow shifted her position. She turned ! half round and lifted her bead high. I As she did so a sense of peril waa borue I lu upon her flue nostrils. She rocog-, nixed It Instantly. With a snort of anger she sniffed again, then stamped a challenge with her fore hoofa snd leveled the lance polnta of her horns toward the menace. The next moment her eyea, wade keen by the fear of love, detected the black outline of the bear's head through the coarse screen of the Juniper. Without a second's hesitation she flung up her tall, gave short bel low and charged. The moment she aaw herself detected the bear rose upoa ber hind quarters; nevertheless, she was In a measure sur prised by the sudden blind fury of tbe attack. MmUly she swerved to avoid It aiming at tbe same time a stroke with ber mlgbty forearm, which, If It bad found Ita mark, would have smash ed her adversary's neck. But as she struck out, In tbe act of shifting ber position, a depression of the ground threw her off ber balance. The next Instant one sharp born caught ber slantingly In tbe flank, tipping Its wi upward, while the mad Impact thr ber upon ber back. . Grappling, she had ber assailant's head and shoulders In a trap and her gigantic claw cut through the flesh and sinew like knives; but at the des perate disadvantage of her position sbe could inflict no disabling blow. Tbe cow, on tbe other hand, though wutllat ed and streaming with blood, kept pounding with her whole massive weight and with short tremendous shocks crashing tbe breath from ber foe's ribs. Presently, wrenching herself free, the cow drew off for another battering charge, and aa she did so the bear burled herself violently down the slope and gained ber feet behind a dense thicket of bar sbrnb, Tbe cow, with one eye blinded, glared around for ber In vain, then. In a panic of mother ter ror, plunged back to her calf.-Leal le's Popular Monthly. Klaalna- and Noa-Kisalnjr. Families The New York Hun says that kissing among relatives goes by families, and It Is quite true that certnlu household are known to all their friends a "great kissers." The members, meu, women aud children, kiss each other the first thing lu the morning aud the last thing at ulght, and on any other occasion that they consider sutllilcnlly emo tional. Still one mny go too far the oilier way. A woman who enme of n klftxlng family married a mat) who rntue of non-kissing stock. At one time her linn band went to the railway Mutton to meet a son who had been alixetit from home for two years, and on his return the wife snld: What did yon do when yon flrst snw Jack? Did you kixa hi in?" "N-no," faltered the liushand and father, "of course 1 didn't kiss him." I'll tell you what he an Id to me," volunteered the son. "He said: 'Well, Jack, was your train on time?' " Prohibition of Timber Deck Loads. No British ship may carry a deckload of timber into a British port between the last day of October and April 18. Musical critics should be sound Judges. LOWEST IN CHICAQO. OUR BUDGET OF FUN HUMOROUS SAVINGS AND DO INGS HERE AND THERE. jokes aad Jokeleta thai Aretaaaosad to Have Baea KeveaMy Bora-Bayla aad Ueiaga thai Are Old, Carloaa aad Laaahable-The Weea'e Maaaor. "You cannot fall to note," said the Freuch war expert, proudly, "that we are taking the lead In developing the balloon aud the automobile. Tbluk of the races that have been held recently." "That la t wise precaution," returned the Yankee, "for those who anticipate that they may want to get away lu hurry, but Jt lack Interest for those who look at the matter from another polut of view," Chicago Post. the Bald-Headed TyraaU Brown Well, did your baby enjoy the picnic? Juuc-I gueas so; he had live of bit owu family waiting on him all day beaUlcs all the outsiders he could drag In." Mwvh tka Waaae. "My wife ta a woman of strong will power," said Uuldthorpe. "My wlf Is a woman of great won' power," added Bickers, Llfe-Havlne kaertloa. "Don't you pay any atteutlon to sum nier athletics?" "Oh, yea; I often run a few blocks afie the Iceman when he has gone by without leaving us auy Ice." ' A Conditio. "You say you want to get off Mill afternoon to go to a funeral?'' "Yes. air; If It doexu't rain." Tbe Proper lime. "Amy," said Mabel, "when do you Intend to wear that siuniilug bathing suit of yours?" "When the men arrive," replied Amy. Pranaaatare, "Mosquitoes are accused of fating disease," said Spykes. 'props "Well, I kuow that they propagate profanity, said Spokes. True Meelsraatlon. The Spinal er (an tnvalidi I It really true that marriages are made In heaven? The Parson Yes, ( believe ao. Tbe Sptueter (reslgnedlyr-Oh, then I'll tell the doctor be needn't call again. Chicago News, A Paradoxical Taletaaa. Judge Hare you formed any opinion on this case? WouIiHwIgh Juror No, sir: 1 haven't mentioned It to my wlfe.-Tue Smart Set ' - Trouble Not Far OcT. First Hack-Yard Farmer- Hare you spaded up your garden yet? Second Back-Yard Partner No, but my next-door neighbor has let out all hi hens. Souierville (Mass.) Journal. Hla Maine. "Wboopler seems to have nearly On Islied fitting himself for active mem bership In a trained animal show." "-? ? ?" "Ob, ha was an Elk, and then he be came a White Uat, and laat utght.be joined the Biiffnloes aud they made monkey of lilin." Puck. . Comparison, Miss May-I do not know any better way to describe my embarrassment In your presence tban to aay that I feel as If I were about to be examined at school. Bombe. forry Ha Lied. De Garry-You are the only woman I ever loved. Madge -In that case I can't be your summer girl, I don't want any ama teur. Judge. Kxclntlveneo. Mrs. Pui-seproud-I see where several millionaires chartered a whole steam boat In order to come across the oeean. Mr. rurscproud-Well, when we go over we will lease the oceau for week. Baltimore American, Turned Down, "I have written my autobiography." said tbe ex-polltlclan who had seen bet ter doys. "1 uippose you would ba willing to advance a few dollars on It eh?" "Not on your life," replied the soul less publisher. Chicago News, The Same To- lay, "In old times, when a man committed a mistake he was put In the stocks." "It's sometimes that way now," sigh ed the fellow who had been dabbi ng on a falling market, "To be caught In tbe stocks means you've done something you shouldn't have done." Philadel phia Times. A Whole Lot abort. "Say, pop!" said Willie, "1 'gent' short of 'gentleman?"' "Yes, my boy," replied the old man, "a gent Is far short of a gentleman." Philadelphia Record, lSM 0 l Aaw as. A fallacy. "There Is great deal to be said oa both aides of every uueetloit." said the broad minded man. "My dear air," auawered Mr. Meek ton. "It Is very plain that you have nev er engaged lu an argument with lten-rletta."-Washlugton Btar. Aaproprlate, "I wouder why tbey put 'He Resta In Peace' over Jonas' grave. I understand that he led a very bad life." "True but you don't know Mrs, J-ms."-Llfo. "Gee, I'm glad wf mother don't weat shoes like those." He nysasalalaed. The Summer Ulrl (to her companion) -What do you suppose It Is, d rarest that makes the sea murmur so? Testy Old Gentleman (who bat aa. countered a mooning couple In every secluded nook along the ibore Lord. Miss, you'd murmur If you bad to bear all the eeutlmental rot the sea bears! Detroit Free Trees. Looked Like Her. "Sir," aald the gentleman, angrily, at he burst Into the photograph gallery, "you bare Insulted my wife and I de mand satisfaction!" "Believe me, sir," aald tbe photog rapher, soothingly, "1 am Innocent of any Inteuded ofTenee, What have I done?" 'Yon will have to fight, sir," went on the man; "you took a picture for my wife and It looks like ber !"-Boston Poat, What He Waald Ita. 'My poor hungry man, It I were to give you a nickel, what would yoa do with Itr Inquired the, lady with tbe angular smeller and tbe uncertain spec tacles. "1'U tell yer, mum," replied tbe gen tleman with the straggling whlakere and yearning bread pouch; "I'll fit a Turkish bath an' buy a ottymuhble wld th change. Where's th' ten, mum?" Denver Times. Recmllla Riding Master - Why don't yoa mount? I gave tbe order two minutes ago. Tbe lUder Hang It, man, I've bees on half a dosen time since then. -The King. The Paaa of II. "Why dear, what's the matter with yon? Bad news from your husband V "Oh, worse than that, tie writes me that be la longing for me and klsaee my picture every day." "That's no reason for crying," "Yes, but I And I put mother'a pho tograph In hla trunk to mistake for wine. "-Brooklyn Life, Water at a Dlaconnt "Is It not beautiful to ee the moon shine across the water?" Inquired tbo romantic young woman. Well, miss." answered Col. Still- well, "moonshine Is very acceptable In an emergency. But I don't know I especially care about tbe water." Washington Btar. Appearaareo Agalaet Him, The Parson (leaning over tha fnr. shocked)-Makln garden on Sunday, brother! I la pained beyon' meaauah. Brother Johnson! Kastus Johnson (flustered! Damt I ain't uiakln' garden, pahson. l'se only dlggln' bait to go flsuln'.-Brooklyo Eagle, Noocomaaltel. "Senator," naked tbe Interviewer, "do I understand yon to say there la very Utile money made In politics?" Well-er you might say," replied the Senator, "there Is a great deal of money mad out of politics." Phila delphia Proas. Tito Brutality of Man. A correaoondence full of etnnnimce and a speaking moral has been brought to light by a trade journal In St. Paul. The lady received the flrst letter, and It read thus: "Dear Madam.' I take nleaanra in shipping to your address a rug valued at 50, for which I shall be glad to re ceive your chock. If you do not desire tbe rug please return It. Verv sincere ly, and so forth!" "The Idea!" exclaimed the Indla-nant woman, and thereurmn ahe aat down and Indited tbe following reply: war sir: i nave ordered no rug from your establishment, and I see no reason why I should go to the of returning that which I do not want, ana wmcn was seut to me unsolicited." To tills coniDlalnt she received the following gently sarcastic rejoinder: "Dear Madam: I will send tar tha unsolicited rug. and I trust von will do me the favor to send for tbe unso licited charity tickets which now He with about twentjr.elght others on my desk. Very sincerely, and so forth." "Tbe discourteous boor!" shrieked tag lad.
