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About The Hillsboro argus. (Hillsboro, Or.) 1895-current | View Entire Issue (May 2, 1901)
ITS SUNSHINE AND MUSIC laugh la Just lik sunshine. It freshens all The day. It tips the peak of lif with light And drires the cloud away; The oul (row glad that heara It, And feels Ita courage strong A laugh la juat lik sunshine For cheering folks along. - . A laugh Is Just lik music, It lingers in the heart. And where ita melody la heard The ills of lit depart; And bappy thought cam crowding Ita Joyful note to greet A laugh I just lik music For making living awaet! St Louis Republic. . , ,j AsY Joyously and looked longingly to- ward the East, where th tun was carc aa hour high. Th fresh, bracing sir seemed to permeate every fibre of hla being, and h drew in great breath of It, feeling a wild tort of pleaarre la the mere fact of being alive. Kor once In three year he waa hap py, and he had been in that beatific atate for two whole day. The rest of the cowboys of the outfit did not know what to uiak of- 1L i Cayose Ik said he bad been "locoed." for AUyn had been nicknamed by the camp Sorrow ful Jim, and to aea him boyishly ex uberant and In a gay humor wa an un heard-of thing until the last day or so. AUyn bad once wade the mistake of considering life a very serious matter Indeed, and then, after trying for a year to practice law and not getting anyone to practice upon, he had given it op In disgust and migrated to the home of opportunity In hope of getting rich.- '- - During hi Idle hoar Allyn had faUea In love, and be took that very seriously also, it went hard with htm, for he had nothing on earth except a few bonds an old aunt had left him. and the revenue from them did not amount to $300 a year. At the rate hi practice waa not Increasing "huselah would have been a youn mpared with AUyn If he waited - revenue from hi profession to it aim to marry. "Jim." ahe said,, are acting very foolishly. What dxt It matter if you haven't any. money A I don't want money. I've got enough, or will have when t am 24, when I get control of it That would keep us very nicely, and roa ones is thbbs tiabs bc wa Harrr. would bold us up until you could es tablish a paying practice. Now, don't be silly - - "Nelly," he said solemnly, "I cannot afford to marry now. People-would say that I married you for your money, and I don't intend to put myself In a position where such a motive could be Imputed to me. It would be unjust to me and you." "Weil, Jim," and there were tear In her voice, "I don't think you are acting fairly toward me. Here I am ar or phan, with nobody on earth to love ex cept yog so that life without you will be worse than no life at U, and now you say you cannot marry me until you make what It took my father a Ufe- tlme to accumulate. Why, by that time, I'll have wrinkles and maybe false teeth and glasses, and be a hor rid, snuffy, fussy old woman." "No, NelL I don't want to make $200, 000. If I bad $100,000 it would be all right And It will not take long. Out West I will wake it quickly. Just you stand fast and wait for me." "Oh, I'll wait- but I think you are hateful and pigheaded Just the tame. Would you marry me If I hadn't any money at all V . "Yes, gladly, and we would be happy, too. Vou would manage somehow. But now my self-respect will not allow me." 8o It was that be went to make his fortune- and at the same time .peace with bi unduly-active conscience. To hi utter disgust be found, after a year prospecting, that gold mines were not at all plentiful, and that every foot of the mountain had been pros pected over time and again. A year in Mexico assured him that the business of finding silver mines lying around loose had also played out long ago, and that It took lota of capital to start ranching on a paying basis. ' Funds were getting low, so be secured a place as one of the herdsmen of the XXX outfit and on account of his grave de meanor was promptly named by the other cowpuncher Sorrowful Jim. And the name stuck to bin). During all his wanderings be had written to Nell as regularly as possi ble, and bad begun to regret In a measure his puritanical conscience. At S40 a month and grub he did not see that a fortune was In immediate prospect Absence had Indeed made bis heart grow fonder, and be longed for a sight of Nell's laughing eyes and dimpled face. Yet be would not acknowledge him self beaten or that be would give In. Much : against hi Inclination be re mained consumed with a desire to see her, jet impelled to remain in stiff necked pride, acting as avant courier and escort for a lot of wild-eyed, long norned steers, all the while cursing himself for a fool. So he and the rest of the outfit did not have much in com mon together, and be grew more and more unsociable and lonely. Small wonder was it then, that when he received a letter from ber he felt that bis voluntary exile was broken. Bis , penance was done, and be was free' to return to civilization and Nelly. "You come on, Jim, dear," the letter Hid "that Is, of course, If you care to K7a?d MATRIMONY ; ; i - LOGAN EQUESTRIAN STATUE UNIQUE A HONG MONUMENTS. , a 'ssbk LOGAN EQUESTRIAN STATCE IN WASHINGTON. The bronie statue of John A. Ixigin, which was recently uuveiled In Washing ton with impressive ceremonies, is s handsome addition to the monuments of the capital city and one of the moat unique. It is the couception of Franklin Simmons, a distinguished sculptor, and is one of the finest memorials of the equestrian style that have ever been unveiled In this country. It la the only monument wholly of brunxe to be found in America. Both pedestal and statue were made In Italy aad, while on exhibition in Kome, was viewed with curiosity by thousands. Its beauty so impressed King Humbert that he knighted Mr. Simmons for his work. Tha pedestal la about twenty-fir feet in height. On one side is s group rep resenting Geo. Legan in conaultatlon with the officers of his command. These re portraits of the lesding generals of the Army of tbe Tennessee, namely: Dodge, Haien. Slocum, Leggett, Mower and Blair, and of Capt. Strong. On tha opposite aide of the pedestal Gen. Logan is represented ss taking the oath of 001c as Senator of the United Statea before Vice-President Arthur. Grouped around ar Senators Cullom, Ersrts, Conkling, Morton, Miller, Yoorhee snd Thurmsn, of whom there are now liriag only Gen. Dodge snd Senator Cullom. Oa tha front of this beautiful -pedestal is an ideal figure, about life-siie, repre senting tha "Defense of the Union." snd on tbe other end a figure of the same six representing "Preservation of the Union." These allegorical figures are beau tifully and appropriately draped and are stately and imposing. Surmounting tha pedestal ia the equestrian figure, which measures 14V feet in height. Gen. Logan is represented ss riding along the line of battle, his sword unsheathed, and the horse moving forward at a gentle trot, slightly held In check. The genersl's appearance exhibits great force and energy, and the whole impression given by the statue is one of dignity, beauty snd power. take an almost doweriesa bride. I have now only enough left to bring me in $300 a year exactly what you had. I do not own another thing on earth. I had concluded that the money with out yon was not worth having, and as long as you are so stubborn about It I saw that I must give In, so I have done so gladly. I have got to be 24, as you know, and have absolute control over my property. ; So, In order to get you, I have given away my fortune. "You have cost me nearly $100,000, so I'm of the opinion that you had bet ter corr on and deliver yourself up as a victim, I don't propose to tell you ano her thing about it, as you have no right to know now. After after oh. well, some time I win tell you what I did with tbe rest of Ihe money, but Just now It Is no aft'u'r of you.-i. You will simply have to take my word for It Come on, Jim. I am anxious to see you." So it was that Jim was so happy. He had only two days more to wait; then he would get hi month's wages. He had $400 saved up, and be reflected that be and Nelly would manage to get along on that for a while. His pride was riding rampant also, and his con science was very self-satisfied, indeed, for had he not held out against the al lurements of beauty, wealth, position, ease everything? It was victory well worth rejoicing for. The ceremony was over, the few Inti mate friends bad taken their departure, and Jim and Nell looked at each other In a bewildered sort of way. "I think we ought to take a trip, Jim. I'm so deadly tired of this place. I don't know what to do. Let's go to Europe. I've alway wanted to go there." "Nell, are you crazy? I can't afford a trip to Europe, and you know It And you haven't any money, either, so bow are we to go?" . "I think It very nnklnd of a person of your wealth to be jaunting me with my poverty, ror a man as rich as you, I think yon are undoubtedly 'close.'" Her eyes twinkled merrily. "I want to go to Europe, and now I've got yon to go with me you ought to be glad of tbe opportunity." ; 'Nell, dear, If I could afford It you know I would be delighted to take you." "Well, you can afford it" "I tell you I cannot" "I know better you can. Wby, Just look at these," and sbe handed blm a bundle of books and paper. He picked up tbe first one and read the Inside page: "First National Bank, In account with James M. Allyn. De posited May 1, $35,000; May 9, $12,000; May 12, $12,000." "What does this mean, Nell?" be asked wonderlnkly as be looked at an other book and read: "Becelved May 0, bonds, mortgages, stocks and securi ties duly transferred and assigned to James M. AUyn, and aggregating $130,- 000, and more particularly described as follows: The Trust and Safe De posit Company.'" Nell was bugely enjoying tbe situation. She seated herself on the arm of tbe chair and said: "You dear old stupid, mulish, stub born thing, I told you the truth, for I gave everything I owned to you before I wrote that letter. I told the truth, for 1 reserved just enough to bring me $300 a year." swa-scasa- , si , ajaisi . y A m;i I r i "Well, I'll be-" She kissed him and stopped the word. "Are you going to Europe?" sbe asked. ' "Yes. I think I would enjoy the trip myself, but don't you ihiuk you paid too much for me?" "On, I don't know. Not so long as you are nice as you are now. Comp on. Let's get ready ami catch the steamer leaving to-morrow evening." Yonkers Statesman. OHIO MAN'S ROMANCE. Gain a Wife Through Pretty Dinlnc Room Girl's Mtahan, A few weeks ago Miss Etblyn Flsber was a dining room girl Id a hotel In Wllllamsport Pa., but she Is now Mrs. Earl W. Hennlng. wife of a wealthy manufacturer of Masslllon, Ohio. Tbelr acquaintance dated from a mishap In tbe dining room, wben Miss Flsber MRS. T.AHL W. HEHNIMO. upset a glass of milk over Mr. Hen-, nlng while be was at tbe hotel. Although confused over tbe accident j the pretty waitress apologized so grace- j fully that tbe heart of tbe stranger was touched, and be decided then and (here to lay siege to the young woman's heart That be succeeded Is evidenced by tbe wedding wblcb bus since been solemnized. Mrs. llennlng Is 22 years old and Is very pretty. She is an or pban. Good Story on Senator one. Tbey are telling this story In Wash ington about Senator Jones of Arkan sas, chairman of the Democratic Na tional Committee, who Is a member of the Humane Society, and wears a badge that entitle blm to Investigate tbe condition of any animal that ap pear to be 111 treated. One day as be came down from tbe Capitol, be In spected a team that was standing by the curb. "Here, you!" sbouuted the driver, "what are you doing there feeling about that horse's neck?' "I'm an officer of tbe Humane Socie ty," replied Senator Jones, mildly, "and I want to see. If this collar fits this borse." "Well," snarled tbe driver, "If- that collar don't fit that horse any better than your collar fits you, you Just run along and get a cop and bare me ar-1 rested." The man who talks about the weath er In a very low, confidential voice never bad a secret In bis life Important enough to keep from bis wife. - I After a young man has called on a girl as often a three times, she begins to beg her mother for a half dollar to go and have her fortune told. I'" K' (i EXPENSES IN MEXICO. WHAT LIVING COSTS IN OUR NEIGHBOR COUNTRY. , Yartona Uouehulit Article Lovkad i Vposi by Aaaerhraaa a Necaaatttaa i Coat About Tare. Ttaae a Mack aa ; Thav Do at Homo. 1 Uvlug expense In the City of Mex ico, or lu fact any of the larger cities of Mexico, caunot be ald to be cheap, ! with regard to the standard of Uvlug to which moat American who come here are accustomed, ami which they ' look upon a a necessity wherever they j may be located, say a writer In Mod ern Mexico. Mexico 1 a diver coun try, but that very tact niakee many things that tbe foreigner demand aa necessities so much higher, Mexican money Is on a sllv. 4 basis, but living ( expense for the average American In : Mexico, at least are ou a gold basis. In fact, for the family that keep ; bouse here, expense as a rule, will 'average about three Mexican dollar : to one American dollar for the same relative standard of living. This ratio may be too high In comparison with tbe larger cities of the Atlantic coast but it certaluly Is not for smaller places, or Western cities. House rent t In (be capital Is an Important Item. It Is practically Impossible to secure a I house with any degree of privacy or j modern convenience for lens than $75 per month. Servants are paid less than iu tbe United States, housemaids recelvlug from tl to $0 a month, but on the other liand. many households that managed comfortably with one maid for general housework In the North here find It necessary to employ two or three. Boardlug Is cheaper, particularly for those without famillea. Single room rent for from $20 to $40 per month. Day board can be secured at city restaurants and private board ing houses for from $.10 to $40 per month. It Is In the matter of clothing and general household supplies that tbe American family In Mexico finds the greatest expense. Fine French goods, glove and broadcloth cost about tbe same nutnbet of silver dollars here that they do In gold In the United States, but tbe things that are classed as dally necessities by the average American cost much more. In the ilulu er lines of dry goods It Is but natural, considering the double value of the gold dollars In the countries from which most of them are Imported, the duties and freights added, that noth ing Is to be found for less than three times as many silver dollars as they cost In gold dollars In the countries where they are manufactured. Gentle men's ready made clothing Is practical ly unknown among the better classes. A business suit of good English woolen costs from $40 to $.'i0. Few American families are content to live upon the products of this country entirely. A few fresh vegetables and fruit are nearly alway chenp. Potatoes are never lower than 3ty cent a pound and eggs are cheap at 25 cents a doien. No Imiwrted groceries are less than four times as much In silver as they are In tbe Uulted States in gold. Fifteen cent quality of American canned fruit costs $1.30 a can here. The cheapest canned vegetables cost from M to HO cetits a ran. Tbe paekuKP cereals, thnt retail at 8 1-3 cents In the Stales, com 40c to 30 cents here. Imported Ameri can, and the lest native, butter Is from 80 to IH cents a pound. Milk costs from 13 to HI cents a litre, a trifle more han a quart. In meats, beef coats 30 cents a pound, pork 35 rents, mut ton 30 ccits, bacon and lard 40 cents a pound. Mexican flour Is 7 rents a pound and native sugar 11 rents. These figures are all given In Mexlran money, as nearly all who come to Mexico re ceive salaries In the currency of the country. This paper has frequently spoken of the class of opportunities offered here to young men who are well equipped In some special line, but the man with a family who has em ployment certainly cannot expect to better himself by removing here for less tuun three times as much In sil ver a he can earn at home In gold. Aside also from tbe greater cost of many things must be considered the lack of English school advantage. These are limited In tbe capital and In most points In the Interior they are entirely lacking. Wherever found, they must, of course, be reckoned as an ad ditional expense, as there are, natural ly, no public schools here conducted In the English language. QUEEN ELIZABETH'S FAULTS. Bh Wa Very Vain and Inordinately Foud oi fine Ores. Yet Elizabeth was never really suc cessful with ber wardrobe as a more feminine woman might have been. Her dresses were never beautiful, only ludicrously and most Inappropriately magnificent; laden wKb Jewels, weight ed down with cloth of gold, stiff with silver embroidery, and so heavy that even ber big, powerful framo must (without supporting vanity) have felt the fatigue of carrying them about. Elizabeth was certainly vain, but she cannot claim femininity merely on that account, for vanity Is by no means an exclusively, feminine characteristic; there are perhaps more vain women than vain men, because women have more leisure, and their costumes afford greater opportunities for vanity than the strangely hideous clothing which custom has arranged for men; but no thoughtful (feminine) observer can doubt that a vain man Is vainer than a vain woman! Elizabeth's hands were her especial pride, and, Judging from her portraits, they were certainly beautiful; they were laden with Jewels, and It was her habit In public to pull her rings off with absent artlessncss, and push them on again, moving those white hands about In tbe most obvious way. Once, during the grave consideration of a state paper, where In her cold sagacity never took second place, she Inter rupted the discussion to ask whether the Due d' An Jon, who was at one time one of ber suitors, had been told what a pretty foot she had, and how white and well rounded was her arm? This, In the woman who financed tbe Armada with bard-beaded economy, who dared the superstitious terrors of her own conscience In bar higb-handed and Im pudent treatment of the bishop. whw Interem In methods of torture for st:;i prisoner wts moat mechanical and In telligent, entirely uuhattipered by ny squeamish feminine hesitation a to blood or pain-la most curious. In connection with this last characteristic of cruelty, vanity U not at all unprece dented. Indeed, If oue olwerve cloaely, one will notice that excessively vain persona have almost alway a atrange Inclination toward cruelty. The ac counts of what tjueen Kllsabcth per mitted aud Indeed comiuatulml In tbl respect will hardly bear reading by us aeuslttva folk to-day. Margaret IVIand In Harper's Bazar. GOOD Short $torle$ e When that very limited mouarch, Loula-rhlllppe, waa asked to pardon Barbes, he replied: "II bat my par don; now I will see 11 I can get him that of my mlulsters." L. O. Howard, the distinguished en tomologist, felt somewhat flattered at receiving oue day a letter from a gen tleman aaktng him to seud a copy or his report. Mr. Howard replied promptly, and asked to which particu lar report hi correationdent referred. The anawer came: "Am not particu lar which one you send. 'I want It for a scrap-book." Dr. Milan Soule write that hypnotic suggestion baa enabled him to afford complete or partial relief In several In stances. An accomplished aud well known medical man gravely assured him "that b had frequently cured his wife of seasickness after the acute stage had passed by compelling ber at tention while he slowly read aloud tlie first chapter of the Gospel accord lug to St. Matthew." During the recent trial of certain members of the Heltou Park Club lu England, who were cbarged with 11 legally employing a number of young ster as caddie who iboutd have been at cbool, It was stated that the cad die were given luncheon and tea "Why did you give them tear the Judge asked. Tbe witness replied that It was usual to give caddies tea. "Ah," said the Judge, thoughtfully, "I pre sume that make them tea-raddles.' Tbe late Dr. Crclgbton, Bishop of London, ouce uiado a visit to Father Stanton's church In High Ilolborn, a most ritualistic organisation The service waa not quite to his liking, but Father Stanton talked o fast that he did not have chance to say anything until he got Into hi carriage to go away. Then be remarked: "I like your service, Stanton, but I don't Ilk your Incense." "Very sorry, my lord. very sorry," replied Father Stanton, subuilsslvoly, "but It is the very best-1 cau get for-three shillings and six pence a pound." A Russian military paper tells of a lieutenant who overheard a sergeant giving a recruit a short lecture upon bis duties. "The military service," said the sergeant, "require little prayer to God, aud a strict attentlou to tbe orders of a superior." Some what astonished at this slugulur defini tion of uiilltury duty, tbe officer ven tured to ask the sergeunt for bl au thority. Whcreiipou tbe sergeant pro duced an aucleut volume, cotitululug the following: "The military service requires little; prayer to God and strict attention to the order of a superior." lleceutly In Los Angeles (say nti Al bany minister) live prominent gentle men of foreign birth chanced lo meet. Ouo was a itusslan, one a Turk, one Frenchman, one an American, and ono an Engllsbmnti. ' These gentlemeu be came iutlmate, and fiuully a champagne supper was proposed, at which each gentleman, to be In keeping with 'the times, was to give a toast to his na tive country, the oue giving the lust to be at no expense for the wine. Here are the toasts given: The Km s'nn "Here's lo tbe stars and bar of lttisnla, that were never pulled down." The Turk-"llere's to the uioons of Turkey, whose wings were never clipped." The Frenchman "Hern's to tbe cock of France, whose feathers were never picked." The American-- "Here's to the Stars and Stripes "f America, never trailed In defeat." The Englishman "Here's to the ramp In', roiirlu' llou of. Great Britain, that tore down the stars aud bars or litis sla, clipped the wings of Turkey, picked the feathers of the cock of France, and ran like h 1 from the Stars and Stripes of the United States of America." A Shadow on Her Life. Somebody once asked a tranquil old resident of Nantucket if her llfo bad always run as smoothly as she could wish; If no great sorrows or disappoint ments hod ever come to mar Its seren ity. The old lady sat looking out of the window for a moment, and then turned to her questioner with a little smile on her sweet face, "I suppose you'll think it's foolish, maybe," she said, "but I did have one great disappointment, and I've never forgotten It. There was a man that came to the Island once with a bund organ and a monkey. He got as far as the corner of our street, and I thought be was coming right this way, but be didn't. "I was housed with a cold and couldn't go out to see him and bis monkey, so I only caught Just a glimpse of them. They played half an hour In the next street. "Disappointments like that stay by folks all their lives," she added, after a sympathetic ejaculation from her visitor. "It was more than thirty years ago, but I've never censed regretting I didn't see thnt monkey. I've been wonderfully blessed In every other way, dear; but thnt organ-grinder never came to the Island again, never!" . Unneighborly. Hoax You're a fine feliowl Jiax What's the matter? "You've given your wife a twenty-five-dollar bonnet." "Well, you don't have to pay for It." "No; but I have to pay for another one Just like It for my wife." Philadel phia Record. SUPPOSE WE SMILE. HUMOROUS PARAGRAPHS FROM THE COMIO PAPtMa. rieaaaat lact.WaU OvcarrUg lb World Ovr-alaaa Arlber ful te Old or fouaa t'aaay '" lion Ibal Kverybud Will Kajuj. "I've got a great acliomr." said be. "I shall got rich at It." "Aa-aln?" asked I.I friend, who nw the usual results of lit scheme. 'o this will ttav. I'm going to lak a large eonalgmneiit of mice to Kansas and sell them to saloonkeeper at ia a doseu." Pittsburg Chronicle Tele grspb. The Measnna. Funnyboy -Till weither ought to be boiled! Orowler-BolKxl! Why boiled? Fun uy boy--Because lt' to rawl-Ally tlopcr. TurneU IWwn. n.iiwvrtArY,iinir Mprlhhler tin irffiie on a temtiie nat; his nest gin rejcenu him. Kdltor l'uarroiunted by stamps, I suppose. nar a ikH l ..u. "Very well." said she, lu a buff, "all I over net ween us. m inaiia you io re turn hit letters "All right," said he. "I'll seud them to you tbe first thing In the morning." "Oh, there' no killing hurry. Sup poae you er-bring them with you when you call to-morrow evening. I'liiieticipnia rmi, HaM Dell' Old Hcoraa. Tommy O! (Mich! Stop that! Mamma Why, Tommy, aren t you ashamed? I wouldn't cry that way If It waa my balr that waa being combed, Tommy (fiercely) I'll bet you would If I wa doln' the comliltig - Pblladel phla Press. Sura Cure. Yabsley I wish I could break my wife of the hahlt of presenting me with cigars every omiortunlty she gets. Jollyboy 1h as I do. Smoke them In tli house. Brooklyn Life. Kaall Aillustel. "Pardon me," said the busy man to the Insurance agent who had forced bis way Into hla office, "but I'm not pre pared to talk to you to-day." "Don't let that worry you," replied the Insurance agent, "I'll do the talk lng.-Plil!adrllil Press. Klly Kip alneil. baton inese hot cakes are not as large as those I got here a few days ago. TV alter No? Well, y.ju see, tlieae are flannel cakes, and flannel will hrlnk.-Phlladclphla Itecord, fulnl of VI w. Indignant Ike-Dat cur o' yotirn bit me, lady. Wot ker goln' to do 'bout It? Housewife Oh, I shan't do anything for him, but Just let lilm die. We were going to poison him anyway! Wh Did He? Alex. Smart-Sny, didn't Ilcnpeck know bis wife before ho married her? Numskull-Why, certainly he did! Alex. Smart-Then why did he marry her?-Ohlo State Journal. More to Follow. "I've turned highwayman," chuckled tli sofa. "What!" exclaimed the chair. "Yes. I be-ld a couple up last night " -Philadelphia Record. The Antocrnt. "Of course I am master In my own bouse," said Mr, Meekton a little In dignantly. "How do you manago It?" "I tell Henrietta to do just what sho pleases. And she goes nhead aud docs lt."-Washlngton Star. A Treasure, Mrs. Polkadot-8he Is a fine nurse Isn't she? Mrs. Pahducah-Idcal! Why, I can go for days without even seeing the children. Brooklyn Life. Can't Last Forever, Hopley What seems to trouble your baby? Poplcy (wcarily)-I suppose It trou bles him to think that eventually he'll have to go to sleep at night Philadel phia Press, A Profession for 11 1 in. Fond Mother (of delicate dude)-I think It 1 time Clarence selected a profession. What would you advise? Old Oent (reflectively) Ho might do nicely as a typewriter girl. New York Weekly. ail n.la a It Ita Noax x "Here," said the foreman of th preaa. room, leading hla vlallora Into another apartment, "r the great preaaea, Th matter la stereotyped In the form of curved plates, these are placed on th cyllthlera. and aa they revolve they leave tbelr Impression on tha paper that unwinds from that hug roll at th back of the press." "I tco now," remarked on of the via. I tors, a person of much sagacity, "what la meant when we read of as Item going th round of the preaa." "traaa. "Strange thing happeued to tb Widow Jone. An 6ld bachelor friend said ahe looked younger than sh did twenty year lie fore." "It wa douhtlca a well meant com pliment." "But It came a such a surprise to bf lhat Iter balr turned black that sam night."-Philadelphia lime. A Hroohlya Musical. "It's funny that you should be so tall. Your brother, tb artist Is short Isn't he?" He (abciitlyYcs. usually.-Brook- lyn Life. A Cauttaaa Parrot. Fair Vialtor-What a lovely parrot I (To parrot) Polly want a cracker? Polly (cautiously)-Did you mak It yourself ?-Vht to Eat. A t'rewberli ta Haeraas, "Daughter, that young Perkins who come her seem a very patient ad mirer." "Ob, ye, pa; he's awfully patient but be lau't a bit parserorlng." Aa llnhnaata Paw-lae. "The homely girt Is unknown In Jour naltsm," said the talkative critic. "I hat never found ber getting married, dying, being murdered, run over. In jured In any way, entertaining or bulng entertained or anything else, It I al ways her flue-looking, pretty or band some sisters that figure In alt of thcaa things." Ill laspreaalaa. Ilia Friend Your son Is horn from college, I he? It must glv a youug man a lot of mrutal tralnln'. The Fanner-Well, he don't seem to be overtrained.--I'uck. Ostentation. Nell -Mr. Newrlch wnts to Impreaa everybody with her wealth. Belle Yes, sh never put leaa than 5 rent stamp on her letters. Philadel phia It word. At lb t. Loula KapaalMoa, First Ylaltor-Whut'a that for? Second VIltor-4iur It's to pass Missouri River water through before drinking. Taking a Mean Advaataaa, "It's got so," the man In the brown Jean suit was saying, "thai you can't trust anybody these ilaya. I saw an advertisement of a man In the East lhat said for 10 cents bed send a book or forty-live pages of mighty spicy read lu." "Well," they asked him, "what did you get when you sent the 10 cents?" "A calaloguo of a splee mill, by gosn!" Pone feliowl Mrs. Houskeep-Now, you've had your dinner, will you saw some wood for me? Wragson Tattar-8ay, lady. I'm afraid! Mrs. Houskeep Afraid of work, I suppose? Wragson Ta!twlt lan't lhat, lady: but I'm a kleptomaniac, an' I'm afraid I'd steal tbe saw!Plilladelphl Press. Accident. Wiggles There was a man hurt In a French duel once, Waggle- Really? Wiggles Ye; one of the seconds red out of the treo Into which he had climbed for safety.-Homervlllo Jour nal. Cold. He-I have lieen longing for this mo ment, Miss Flossie, when I can lay my burning heart at your feet. Flossle-Oh, It's very kind of you. My feet aro so cold '-Ally Sloper. Why Ph IMararded Him. "Don't despair, Edward, evon If fath er doe say you'll bo young enough to marry Ave year from now." "Oh, I don't care for myself, but how about you '"-Philadelphia Times. Not th ham Wood. Lady Come back here! You prom ised to saw some wood If I gave you jour dinner. Tramp Madam, I had reference to another lady's wood farthor up th road. Good day, Clinrle Dloken and His Cat. Charles Dickens was a lover of ani mals, and bad a special fondues for cuts. Ono of bis favorites, known for her devotion to Dickens as "tbe mas ter's cat," used to follow blm about like a dog, und sit beside liltn while he wrote. One night Dickens was read ing at a siiinll tnblo by the light of a candle, with pussy, ns usual, at bl elbow, fluddonly the light went out. Dickens was much Interested lu his book, relighted tho eandlo, going ou rending. In a short time the light again became dim, and, turning sud denly, Dickens found puss deliberately putting out the candle with her paw, and looking at him nppenllngly as sbe did so. Not till then did her master guess what was wrong. The little creature felt neglected and wanted to be pelted, and extinguishing the eandlo was the best device sho could think of for bringing It about. When a man gets angry hi reason takes a short vacation. Any act Is meritorious that la not misfit