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T1TE SUNDAY OREGONIAN PORTLAND, MAT 21, 1922
CURRENT HAPPENINGS PICTORIALLY PRESENTED BY DARLING
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-ANOTHER OCCUPATION THAT IS BADLY OVERMAXXEO.
GIRLS AT FILM SHOW TALK
OF LADY ASTOR'S MISSION
Mabel and Myrtle Discuss Possibility That Women. Will Take Over
Job of Law-Making in America.
BT JAMUS 3. MONTAGUE.
Scene: The movies.
. Persons: Mabel, Myrtle,
MABEL, That's that Lady Astor
that got elected to congress in
London.
Myrtle They don"t have no con
gress in London. London's a kingdom.
Mabel Well, she got elected to
whatever they have.
Myrtle J epose she got elected to
the royal family or somethin'?
Mabel Don't try to be so funny.
They got a place over there where
they make laws and all, Just like
congress, an' she got elected to it.
Myrtle How could she be over here
If she was in congress? She'd have
to be over there and object to the
things, wouldn't she?
Mabel She's come over here at the
orders .of the queen, to prove that
imen. is weaker than women. I saw
-where she said that in the papers.
Myrtle Swell chance she's got of
provln' that! If men was -weaker than
women they'd be bossing the country,
wouldn't they?
Mabel Well, that's what this now
Lady Astor wants 'em to do She says
as soon as they know their strength
they'll be bosses of everything.
Myrtle Sounds silly to me men
stronger than women? Ja ever see
Mary Pickford standin' on hex hands
on a cliff and throwin' desperadoes
offa railroad engines like Doug Fair
banks? Mabel Well, o' course they ain't had
no practice yet.
Myrtle Lotta good ' practice'll do
'em. Just imagine yourself gettin'
into the ring with this here Jack
Dempsey an' tryin' to bust him on, the
Jaw. Tou could practice a thousand
years and never do that. '
Mabel Oh, well, she don't mean just
physical strength. She means they got
more courage. An' I see where a editor
says she's right about it.
Myrtle I don t care what no editor
ays. They ain't got naff the courage
a mans got. Just imagine a big.
husky. d loo kin' onder a bed to see
if they were a burglar there, or
climbin' up the bureau when a mouse
come into the room! Women ain't got
r.o real courage an' if they had they'd
be ashamed to show It, for the men
wouldn't think they could protect 'em
an' feel so brave when they was
around. ,
Mabel That's just the Idea. Lady
Astor says that women is stronger
because they know enough to make
the men think that the men are
stronger an' get swelled up and look
down on 'em an' pity 'em and be kind
to 'em. '
Myrtle That's too deep for me. I
know I ain't stronger than Tommy,
an' If I was to tell him I was instead
of makin' him think I was lookin' up
to him all the time he might get sore
on me an' wallop me somethin' fierce.
Mabel Gee, but you're dumb! You're
just provin' what Lady Astor is tryin'
to prove that men are a lot of saps,
and if it wasn't for us women handin'
'em the ear oil all the time they'd
never have the nerve to be movie
actors or floor walkers or presidents
or kings or nothin'. ' She says women
is really runnin' the world an' the
men don't know it
Myrtle Well, it women is runnin'
the world already, what does she
want to take a vacation an' come
over here an' make 'em run it for?
Mabel She wants 'em to. know
they're runnin' it, and-to git the credit
for it an hold the jobs, and make
money an all.
Myrtle Say,, look-a-here! I been
lookin' for a chance to let go the job
I gotfor three years now, an' when
I can find the guy that will pay the
meal checks, I'm gonna do it. They
ain't no London woman from congress
going to make me think that I oughta
be holdin' to any job. That's a man's
business. 1
Mabel Thaf s what you say! But
men don't run nothin'' right. Looka
the crime wave an' the Volstead law,
an' the Genoa conference an" every
thing they're responsible for. Women
wouldn't wish nothin' like them on
the couoitry.
Myrtle But I thought you said
Lady Astor said women was runnin'
the world as things Iz.
Mabel Well, she did. Only ehe
thinks they're too kind hearted to the
men and let 'era do a lot of foolish
law-making an', start wars an' get
us all in a lotta trouble, (She wants
all us women to get into congress an'
fix up everything right,
Myrtle Well, if you should happen
to see Lady Astor wajkin' down the
avanuh, you just say to her for roe
that I ain't goin' to run for congress,
an' you tell her that if there's a
king, or a duke, or anything over
there that wants a wife of a savin'
disposition, and her own hair an' com
plexion, and can buy her some good
lookin'-Clothes an' be a good husband
to hei? he'll have a chance to keep
one woman out o'-congress anyway.
Copyright by the Bell Snydteate, Inc.)
Biiglai bdtiiiLs tit: ike Uiildr oil
JLNE went to church the first time
last Sunday. Her deepest impres
sion was that she must keep quiet
When passing the church the follow
ing day she said, "That is the be still
place." . - M. S.
-'
Aunty just finished baking cokioes.
Harold came in from play and the
cookies disappeared rapidly.
"I suppose I shall have to hide the
cookies again," remarked Aunty.
"All right," said Harold gloomily,
but added with face brightening,
"Next time you bake cookies, . Aunty,
can't you double the receipt And just
hide half of them?" C. L.
Jimmy was Visiting his aunt, who
was a good cook, and he . enjoyed
every meal. One day after an un
usually good dinner, he glanced at
his three eousins, who were fat and
rosy, and said, "I know now why you
got such fat kids." W. W. C
m m 9 .
My young cousin who had been
scolded often for asking for some
thing to. eat when at other people's
homes was one day visiting her aunt.
Noticing some cookies in the kitchen,
and fearing to ask ror one in the
presence of her sister, when oppor
tunity afforded she whispered to her i
aunt, "Don't say anything now- but
pretty soon say, 'Dorothy, wouldn't!
you like a cookie?"' E. W. A.
When I came home from the office
one night recently Betty had on a
new dress her. mother had made for
her that day.
-"Why," I said," "I don't believe I
ever saw that dress before Betty."
"Course not," she said. "It was
just borned today." . C. A. R."
. .
Harold was playing football when
he heard his father calling. The boys
urged him to stay and finish the
game, but he replied,.- "Can't stop,
kids, when he talks in that voice."
J. S.
Marjorie Is at my heels most of the
time .'
On one particular trip to the base
ment, daughter following, as usual, I
turned saying, "I do wish you would
stop following me."
"I'm not following you; i'm going
with you," she said reproachfully.
.: .. C, I. S. .
"A big' sixth-grade boy came along
today, when Dick and I were playing
marbles," said Arthur to his mother,
"and swiped two shooters and a pee
wee from Dick."
"Well, Dick should have told his
teacher about it," said Arthur's
mother.
"Huh! Tell teacher T Arthur ex
claimed, "she swipes them too."
E, M, S.
One of our neighbors took her small
daughter to a museum. . Upon her re
turn I asked her what ehe had seen.
She said, "O, a dead circus." . L. F.
-
Ben always had wanted a brother,
but when twins arrived and one of
them was a girl,., he exclaimed in a
disappointed tone, "I didn't want a
sister, too. She'll spoil all our fun.
She'll want to tag us men folka
everywhere we go." V. H.
.
Tommy, who is i, was walking on
the street one day and saw a man
limping along with the aid of a cane,
whereupon he exclaimed: "Oh, mother,
see that man with an umbrella with
out any curtain around it."
-.',
- -While 4-year-old Eddie was visit
ing his aunAes, his. cousin's beau
came calling. -
Fete w&s a big, stout young
and was employed at the local livery ,
barn and had his sleeping quarters in
the office of the building.
Eddie, with all the curiosity of the
small boy, walked up to Pete, whom
he had never seen before, and the
following conversation took place:
Eddie: "My name is Eddie. What is
yours?"
Pete: "My name is Pete."
Eddie: "Where do you liver'
Pete: "I live up town at the livery
barn."
Pete was getting rather amused by
this time, eo he said:
"I sleep, in the barn with the horses.
don't you think I look like a horse?"
Eddie looked at him for a while
and then in a serious tone replied:
"No, you don't exactly look like a
horse, but you sure do smell like one."
MRS. L. M. T.
Hilton's mother was expecting com
pany and was getting her baking done
and had several pies baked.
The little boy was watching her
and his mouth watered for some of
the pies, of which he was very fond.
At last he would shut his eyes for a
while and then when he would open
them he would let out quite a sigh
and wet his lips with his tongue
until finally his mother asked him
what was the matter with him, and
Hilton answered: "Mother." I keep
shutting my eyes so as not to see 'em,
but it ain't no use, for every time I
shut my eyes I can still see pies."
MRS. L. M. T.
I