THE SUNDAY OKEGOMAX, PORTLAND, MAY 21. ltttl. .
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-d .r. tiprw. ord.r or poroonal chork on
J'Mir local oank. Stamps. otn or corrraey
mrm nt too evador's riok. Otn nootofflco
adtroos ta mil. tnelodlBn eauatr tad tuit,
r.last tip lot 10 to 14 pae. I cont: Id
e -A pacoa. 2 eoau; ad to on pagoa, t coata;
to on panoa, d cant. Foraisa pottaa
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tTaotot a Baolai it Offleee Vorro Conk
Ft .w Torn, hrawtlct. balidlag. Cni-
cdo. stofor bofidtac
own benefit, not for the public'. It
la a formidable and dangerous organi
zation. Its success would not bode
well for the Cltr of Portland.
t-OKTUXD, ftO'DAT. MAT .
111.
I
TH ULT-V VA or A
The Mayoralty 0f a growing and
ambitious cosmopolitan cltr Is a most
oneroua and trying office. The Mayor
who doea his duty Is sure to offend
and antagonize many Influential per
sons and many powerful Interests. An
administration, undertaken with high
expectation of faithful service to all
the people. Is soon Involved In diffi
culty with many of the people; and it
must be conducted with extraordinary
'resolution, and equally extraordinary
fidelity If it shall not soon be weak
ened, or embarrassed, or balked, or
entirely broken down.
Corporations, contractors, .ftlace
liunters. graft-takers, the beneficiaries
and the patrons of a vicious system of
police protection, the go-betweens and
the friends of the disorderly bouses,
the private detective, the shady keep
era of the midnight saloon all besiege
the Mayor for patronage and favors,
and each becomes his friend or his
enemy as hla own Interest dictates.
The Mayor is the arbiter In every"
r. et(h born ood dispute over public Im
provements. He must have a moral
policy; and no moral policy so far de
vised has satisfied everybody, and
usually It satisfies nobody. The Mayor
Is lucky If he escapes entanglement
In the everlasting- Issue between capi
tal and labor: he is lucky If he does
not fail an Innocent victim In the un
ending; battle between church and sal-ton:
he Is lucky If he determines the
ever-present Issues between the corpo
rations and the people without loss of
prestige or the general confidence;
and he Is still more lucky If he es
capes conflict with the forces of moral
reform that are always demanding ac
tion mora or less practicable and more
or less beneficial to the whole pub
tic. No Mayor ever mores fast enough
In public Improvements to satisfy half
the people: and. If he moves at all. he
goes entirely too fast to please the
other half. The Mayor who serves
single term of office with the common
verdict that he has done well Is little
short of a prodigy: the Mayor who ha.
done so well that there Is then a gen
eral demand for his re-election Is I
real phenomenon.
.Mr. ;imon nns nad two years as
Mayor of Portland. He had lived in
Portland nearly his entire life. He
i had been Identified throughout hla ca
reer In a most prominent way with
politics and practical political man
agement. He was for years a leader
of one powerful faction or wing of the
Republican party. He had bis suc
cesses and his reverses: he had his
friends and his enemies; he achieved
the United States Senatorship. and
then, after a period of retirement, he
responded to a widespread call for him
to become Mayor of Portland. It Is
remarkable, and It la significant, that
the political opponents of Mr. Simon
generally Joined In the verdict that he
was the fittest man for Mayor: and
they supported him heartily and with
substantial unanimity In the election.
It was an Impressive tribute to the
personal character of the man and the
exceptional position he had acquired
with the public through years of active
participation In affairs. It was gener
ally agreed that Mr. Simon had admin
istrative capacity of a high order, and
that he was honest and determined a
well as experienced. He became May
or by a large vote. Now he Is a candi
date for re-election.
During the two years of his service
as Mayor Mr. Simon has been the
Mayor. It Is not charged or believed
anywhere that he has had any motive
or policy except the public good. He
has dealt nowhere and at no time with
any political party, or group, or fac
tion, for any political purpose; he has
not favored the corporations or the
contractors, or the so-called capitalis
tic Interest against the public Interest;
nor has he played the demagogue and
sought to make capital out of his hos
tility to these corporations and these
contractors. He has protected the
taxpayer, so far as lay In his power:
and he has given the employe and the
laborer fair consideration and a fair
wage for his service. He has con
ducted the great material business of
the city with sound discretion, keen
Intelligence and pronounced success.
He has bad a firm grasp on public af
fairs. Ha has sought conscientiously
all the time to be Mayor for all the
people.
Now we find Mr. Simon opposed by
a candidate without experience In
large undertakings, and. It Is generally
believed, without capacity for their
proper administration. But. more, he
Is known to be the candidate of the
orgar.lxed and associated forces of
greed and selfishness. He has behind
him practically every undesirable and
sinister element In our local popula
tion. He has lined up with him every
'active Interest every one that seeks
advantage or concession from the city
government. AU the persons who are
in politics for "what there la In It for
them are for Rushlight. He has traf
ficked with each and all of them.
ItnX A.XD THE KECAIX.
Representative Kahn. in his speech
In the House, made some strong points
In regard to the recall which are
worthy of attention from those who
would retain the Oregon system Just
as It came from the brain of Mr.
L-Ren. Every reader of history knows
that when Mr. Kahn spoke of occa
sions when Washington, Lincoln, Jef
ferson. Madison. Roosevelt would al
most certainly have had to face a re
call election, he was not straying from
the truth.
A man In public office. If he Is to be
successful, must take a long look
ahead In Judging whether a certain
course of action Is best- He knows
that the results he foresees cannot be
worked out In a short time; In fact, a
year or two arer a policy has been put
In operation It may appear to be an
utter failure, but patience and persist
ence may bring It to success. During
the time of waiting for results to show
themselves the short-sighted critic Is
most vociferous. He points to the ab
sence of Immediate results as conclu
sive evidence of failure and the man
he criticises is not able to produce
practical proof to back up his defense.
It Is on Just such occasions that the
recall Is apt to be invoked.
Just such a case was that of Lincoln.
When repeated disaster had made his
critics many and clamorous, he might
have been forced to fight a recall elec
tion. He knew that the only thing to
do. if the Union was to be saved, was
to keep pounding away at the Confed
eracy. He knew that the Confederacy
already had Its reserves at the front.
while he still had great resources to
draw upon for men and money, and
that the god of battles was on the side
of the bis) battalions. Tet the circum
stances mere such that he could hardly
have convinced the people of these
facts, and the recall election might eas.
Ily have gone against him. Then some
man might easily have succeeded him
ho would have made some weak
compromise with the South and left
the right to secede an open question
The recall should not be used to dis
turb an official when the work he was
elected to do is but half done,
should be a reserve power In the hand
of the people, for use only when they
find that they have Inadvertently al
lowed a thief or gross Incompetent to
slip Into office. It should not be pos
sible to Invoke the recall on any frivo
lous pretext. This power should be
like the weapon which the quiet
householder keeps In reserve, not
within reach of the children, who
would play with It only with disastrous
results to themselves, but easily acces
sible to himself, in case a burgla
should break In. The knowledge that
this power exists will suffice to pre
vent many officials from going wrong,
It
THOMAS WEVrirORTH H10.INS4N
A man who, like the late Thomas
Wentworth Hlgglnson. reaches the age
of 87 years in good health and spirits.
retaining the command of all his fac
ultles and enjoying life to the very end
Invites his fellow men to ask what
the secret of his good fortune could
have been. In Hlgglnson's case It was
a sturdy physical constitution to be
gin with and a mind which refused to
let go of the world until death ef
fected the final severance. The activ
ity of the Intelligence has as much to
do with long life as the vigor of the
body.
Hlgglnson was born with a robust
frame. He was unusually large for
his age at 14. when he entered Harvard
and could pursue his studies on a
Spartan diet of bread and milk with
out suffering In health. Nature made
him a radical, or. as he says himself
In his autobiography, "more than half
a socialist." He-came of the old New
England stock which found Its greatest
satisfaction In fighting tyrants and
smashing Idols. He was almost born
Into Harvard College. Hla father was
steward'' or general financial fac
totum of the Institution at the time
of his birth. The college yard was
bis boyish playground. The professors
and students mere the heroes of his
childhood. Naturally, as soon as he
was fttfed for the freshman year he
became a student at the college.
The education of a .man like Hlg
glnson. who took a hand In every re
form of his generation. Is always Inter
esting. At the private school which
he attended he learned nothing but
Latin and Creek, but from his first
years he was his own true schoolmas
ter. His curiosity was insatiate. He
read every book that came his way.
and they were many. His father had a
good collection and Cambridge, where
he came into the world, was In IS; 3
as now a literate city abounding In
books. He must have read almost
everything worth reading In the Eng
lish language before he entered col
lege, young as he was ben he matric
ulated. Resides that he had the tre
mendous advantage of gifted associ
ates. Many of the boys wnom ne
played with In Cambridge afterward
made names for themselves In lltera-
ure. medicine, law or war.
Daniel Webster was In his mature
glory when Hlgglnson was a boy. The
giant used to corns to his father's
house now and then and It was one of
the precious memories of his boyhood
that Webster once made him bring
some more cream for his chocolate.
Lowell was a boy with him. So was
the sculptor Story. Longfellow was
a little older. He was already an In
structor In Harvard when Hlgglnson
entered and had written some poetry,
though ho was not yet famous. Whit
tirr was one of his older contempor
aries. Thoreau was of the same sge
almost and Emerson was In his prime
when Hlgglnson began his studies. Ha
says that Emerson exercised an Influ
ence upon him which lasted through
out his life, but his favorite preacher
was Theodora Parker, whose hour
long sermons he beard with tireless
relish.
Hlgginson's wife belonged to the In
dependent church which James Free
man Clarke established. - Of course,
he fell under the fascination of that
remarkable man too and derived from
him new stimulus for his radicalism.
The Harvard professor who taught him
best, according to his own Judgment,
was Benjamin Pearce. the mathema
tician. Hlgglnson had the rare gift
of mathematical faculty and might
perhaps have been great In that
science. Pearce praised his ability but
the. world was too interesting to per
mit such a man as Hlgglnson to hide
himself In any of Its corners for a
great while. I in after years when he
was arrested for taking part in an anti-
slavery riot and on hla way to Jail he
told Pearce that he was going to use
the leisure of imprisonment to renew
tX pi hematic,. Xb 13 f.rofeasor
replied that he hoped they would keep
him In Jail a long time. Unhappily he
escaped altogether.
After he graduated. Hlgglnson per
"vaded the world of Boston and Its en
virons pretty freely for a year or two
without any definite plans of life. No
doubt his mercantile relations thought
him a sad failure. He was touched
with the "transcendentalism" which
Emerson made so attractive to the In
telligent youth of that time. When
Thoreau set out to make his living
raising beans In the woods, Hlgglnson
thought seriously of trying a peach
orchard, but he never did. It was at
about the same time that Dana,
George William Curtis and their com
rades made the Brook Farm experi
ment which cuts so Important a figure
In the Intellectual history of the
United States.
Hlgglnson finally studied theology
in the Harvard divinity school. The
students at this Interesting seminary
were classified by the dean of that
period as "mystics, skeptics and ds
peptics." Higglnson confesses his kin
ship with the first two ranks but de
nies the third. He never was a dys
peptic. Robustness of mind and etom
ach was a trait he never lost. Of
course, he did not preach very long,
Even Unitarian congregations will not
tolerate more than about so much
nonconformity and Hlgglnson very
soon passed the limit. He then became
a writer, teacher and all-round agita
tor. The riots in Boston which fol
owed the attempted enforcement of
the fugitive slave law gave him a de
lightful opportunity which he im
proved sealously. In the John Brown
disturbances he took his full share.
It goes without saying that he had a
part In the early conventions for wo
man's suffrage and finally he led a
regiment In the Civil War.
Hlgginson's literary, work belongs
with the best of the New England
school. It Is mrtnly, sincere and vital.
In politics he was an Insistent force
for good all his life, while in his daily
conduct he set an example of that
vigorous Independence, high thinking
and plain living w hich is the true Ideal
for a democracy.
I-KT THE CO-M.MT!riIOr DO IT.'.
"No seat, no fare," has an attractive
sound to the thousands of tired clerks
and workmen who are compelled to
stand up during the long ride home
after a hard day's work.' But the pro
posed city ordinance, so known. Is of
that type of catchy, freak measures
which are Impracticable of enforce
ment and attempt to arrive at an end
that may be accomplished In an order- k
ly and positive way.
It may be shown by a concrete ex
ample why this ordinance could not
be enforced. Those who take pains
to read the entire measure will ob
serve that the street railway company
is to be punished by fine if Its em
ployes admit to the cars persons for
whom there Is not seating room, or if
any person la kept waiting longer than
five minutes for a car in which he
can obtain a seat. Jones, anxious to
get to his work In the morning, has
been standing on his home corner for
five minutes, having been denied ac
cess to one car. Smith has been wait
ing on the same corner one minute
when a car approaches that has seat
ing room for one person. How Is the
conductor to know which of the two
men is entitled to the seat II both
Insist on boarldng the cor? Another
car will be along in four minutes.
Therefore the company has complied
with the traffic regulations of the or
dlnance so far as either man Is con
cerned. and cannot be punished.
Multiply this situation over and
over to Include thousands of person
In both morning and evening rush
hours, and a condition may be imag
ined that may result in a riot call and
police suppression every evening In
the main business centers of the city
An effective public service commls
slon can alleviate, if not entirely cure,
the morning and evening streetcar
congestion. It can take Into "mathe
matical consideration the average
dally traffic at stated periods and or
der specifically a certain number of
cars run on a specified schedule.
The local public service commission
bill proclaims an Intention to give the
commission therein created full and
complete regulation of streetcar traf
fic Undoubtedly the "no seat, no
fare" ordinance Is In conflict with It,
If both are approved and the commls
sion bill receives the greater number
of affirmative votes, the "no seat, no
fare" ordinance will not become oper
ative. But If the latter receives the
greater number of affirmative votes
he hands of the commission will be
tied In one of Its most Important par
ticulars for the regulation of which It
is to be created.
It la absolutely certain that a pub
lic service commission will be created
which will have supervision over pub
lic utilities In Portland. The. State
Legislature has passed an adequate
law, which is now held up by referen
dum Instituted by Portland persons
who profess to want a local commls
slon. Portland will have one or the
other. The only question at issue Is
whether the commission shaft be' a
cltr body or a state board.
While the "no seat, no fare" ordl
nance would fall with the final enact
ment of the Malarkey or state meas-
re. It might Interfere seriously with
the operation of a local commission.
For this reason. If for no other, It
should be defeated.
or opinion cannot be generally applied
to the situation. It is safe to assert
that an? self-respecting young wom
an, neat in person and habits, who
would qualify herself by a thorough
course In domestic science to "do
housework." making cookery her ma
jor study In the course, would immedi
ately, upon receiving her diploma, be
able to secure a permanent place in
a family In which she would be as
considerately treated as Is the busi
ness girl In the down town office.
And what is true of one would be true
of a multitude of young women of the
type Indicated. Qualified workers In
the domestic realm could have their
choice of places in any "city in the
land. They could be assured of good
wages, the shelter of home, such com
panionship therein as was compatible
with their duties, kind treatment and
food which they themselves prepared
from the family stores.
The domestic service question Is
upon a fundamentally wrong basis. It
does not proceed upon the basis of
Knowieage or the vocation. As ap
plied to American girls, it Is In tile
main confined to those who leave
country homes for the lure pf the city
and whose knowledge of cooking and
general housekeeping Is confined to
what they have "picked up" as assist
ants to tired mothers who have neither
time nor strength to give to the deli
cate touches that go to make up good
housekeeping.
Here, then, seems to be the solution
of the domestic problem. It Is learn
ing to cook and keep house in ac
cordance with the modern demand for
such work. It includes the ability to
distinguish between china and. porce
lain In handling dishes; between silver
and tinware, granite iron and black
Iron pots: between well-cooked food
daintily served, and ill-cooked food
carelessly dished up: briefly, between
good housekeeping and bad. Even
the most supercilious mistress would
think twice before she would offend a
helper so competent as to be indis
pensable to the comfort of her house
hold, and It is safe to say. that upon
second thought she would decide not
to offer offense -by ill or inconsiderate
treatment. This is one side of the
question. The other the servant
girl's 'side has often been exploited
It Is up to American girls who must
work for a living to solve the problem
to their own advantage.. by learning
housekeeping as a business proposition
and then, with a self-respect that
commands the respect of others, go
forth and engage in it. The respect
that is due the capable worker in any
field awaits the coming of the Ameri
can girl thus equipped, who elects to
engage in diwnestic service.
meteor la of any size it will be made f
very hot when H strikes our atmos- i
phere and whatever life there is on it J
will be destroyed. If it is so minute
that it does not strike the air, but
merely floats we must remember that
it has traveled through the gulfs of
space where It is as cold as it pos
sibly can be. The cold of outer space
Is "absolute." No doubt it would kill
any grms that might be passing from
world to world. Certainly the diffi
culties in the way of believing that
life came to this planet from some
other are Insuperable, It requires
much less faith to hold that it began
here by some local process, perhaps
by' the very one which Herbert Spen
cer imagined.
It is a tenable doctrine that life is a
force existing almost everywhere. Just
as gravity does, though we have no
way of detecting It unless it is united
with matter. It took mankind many
centuries to discover the all-pervasive
electric fluid and segregate It from its
carriers. When by any train of cir
cumstances matter becomes properly
organized to contain life, the vital
force flows into It and exhibits its ap
propriate phenomena. If this Is the
case, of course, it is Inept to speak of
the "origin of life. We might as well
talk about the origin of gravity or
electricity.. All we can fitly discuss are
the arrangements of matter which are
suitable for life to enter and how these
arrangements are produced. Some of
them can be produced by chemists in
their laboratories, but the mysterious
force has not yet been persuaded to
go In and dwell. Bees will not stay
In a hive until the queen enters, no
matter how well adapted it may be
for their use.' Some day savants-may
find the "queen"; that Is the key move
In the game, and then we shall manu
facture living beings at every work
bench.
TOPICAL VERSE
To a Modern Maid.
I take off my hat to you. Dolly!
By methods not easy to beat
Tou've proved the unspeakable folly
Of those who declare m-e're effete:
On the ways of the lords of creation
We needn't write funeral odes
So long as we've your imitation, .
Of man and his modes!
How neatly and nicely you flatter!
Tou've caught our imperious tone:
And the drawl that I note in your chat
ter ,
Might pass very well for my own:
In your figure, besides, there's a trace of
The spread of more masculine ways:
And I'm willing to wager a stray sov.
You never wear stays!
Ton look upon man as an equal.
As a "pal'" who is trusty and true;
But a crude matrimonial sequel
Is not to be thought of for you:
With a cigarette-end In your Angers.
And no end of disdain in your glance.
There hovers around you and lingers
No silly romance!
Tour watchword, dear Dolly, is Freedom:
Your suitors, who wbnt you to pair,
Tou leave to whoever may need 'em.
And pass with your nose In the air:
But though they He lorn and forsaken
Yet their slouch and their slang are
your Joys.
Til! I think you might almost be taken
tor one of the boys!
And yet with all diffident doubts I'd
Suggest you can learn from us still.
Though you imitate man on his outside
With more than a Rosalind's skill.
For. clever as may be your playlngs.
une point nas eluded your ken
The ancient and accurate saying
That manners make men!
London Punch.
Scraps and Jingles
Leoae Casa Baer.
THB DOMESTIC SKRVAT PROBLEM.
Herman Robinson, Commissioner
of Lteenses In New Tork City, under
whoso supervision all employment
gencles of that city are conducted.
Just published the annual report
of his work and observation. In fhls
report he devotes considerable space
to the domestic servant problem. He
presents Its difficulties and perplexi
ties at some length and frankly ad
mits that he has no solution of the
problem to suggest. He ventures the
pinion, however, that when the serv
ant In the house is placed more near
ly on the same footing with the busi
ness girl in the office the supply of
domestic servants now wholly Inade
quate to the demand will be greatly
Increased.
The stumbling block In the way of
putting this theory Into practice is
found, to, a considerable extent. In the
class of grls w ho go out to domestic
service. ft young American women
would go through a course of train
ing for domestic service as compre
hensive as do stenographers, telephone
operators and other "business girls"
if they would learn to be companion
able without being Impudent and be
come capable through application to
details of the work which they engage
to do. Mr. Robinson's suggestion would
be worth acting upon. At the present
stage of the problem and the factors
with which. In very many cases. It is
necessary to work it out, this theory ,
HOW LIFE BEGAN'.
One of our esteemed contemporaries
discussing the beginning of life on
earth publishes the following remark
among others of equal Interest and
wisdom: . "Into the origin of life It
is useless to inquire. Just as it is to
discuss the origin of matter." The
writer refers to the emergence of life
from inanimate matter and not to its
first appearance on earth. He believes
that It must have come to this planet
from some other world, which is pos
sible perhaps. But as to the beginning
of. life itself, wherever it may have
happened, he thinks discussion useless.
It is as unprofitable as to talk about
the origin of matter. Both problems
he deems Insoluble.
All this reads queerly in the light
of what modern science has accom
plished. There are few men of sub
stantial scientific attainments who
would admit that it is vain to seek to
discover the origin of matter, nor
would they concur in the opinion ex
pressed by the paper from which we
quote 'that "matter is indestructible."
The chances are many to one that It
is destructible, at least in the sense
that it Is resoluble Into something Im
material. It Is scarcely possible to
hold that electricity is "material" in
the old meaning of that term and yet
it is pretty certain that the basic ele
ment of all matter Is negative elec
tricity. Herbert Spencer did not find It ne
cessary to resort to any other world
than this one for the beginning of life.
His theory was that life on earth had
no beginning. Not that it always was.
either. But the transition from the
inanimate to the animate was by infin
itesimal gradations. The steps of the
process were so minute that it was im
possible to fix In thought upon any
definite instant of fime and say that
life existed after that instant but not
before It. The change from the inani
mate to the animate was what mathe
maticians technically describe as "con
tinuous." There was no break In it
any more than there is in the flow of
brook over a stone.
This theory of Spencer's has the
great merit of being strictly scientific.
It accords with what we know is hap
pening in the world dally. The pass
age of living objects from an Invisible
simple cell to a large and complicated
organism takes place by "continuous'
change. The steps of the transition are
Imperceptible. Nobody can actually
see the gross grow nor the height of a
boy increase, but for all that the pro.
cess goes on. Spencer had only to ex
ercise his Imagination a little to be
hold the same process at work in the
transition from dead matter to the
animate cell. Some have ridiculed his
nation that life neither had any be
ginning on earth nor yet always ex
isted, but they merely exhibit their
own lack of scientific feeling. Who
can say when the life of John Smith
began? Who can fix the instant when
he passed from non-existence to exist
encer we can trace nis oouy oack to
simple, cell, then farther to the
union of two cells, and each of these
to other cells and so on endlessly but
never to any actual beginning.
The belief that lire came here from
other worlds is beset with difficulties
from a scientific standpoint. For one
thing we do not know that there is any
life elsewhere. There is not an atom
of proof of it. The most any investiga
tor can say is that "possibly there is
life on Mars or Jupiter," and so on.
Nobody ' knows anything, whatever
about it.. But even admitting the
doubtful proposition that living matter
Is to be found on other planets we have
still to answer the question how it
reached the earth. The supposition
Is that it came on minute particles of
dust in the from of infinitesimal germs
and perhaps it'did. Still it is diffi
cult to understand how these particles
could have escaped from the planets
to-whlch they formerly belonged. This
point Is rather slurred over by our
theorists. They say it happened some
how, but when pressed to be definite
they escape with vague generalities.
Of course, a passing meteor which
does not reach the planet might at
tract some shreds of Its atmosphere
nd with them the germs of life but
here Is still the Journey to the earth's
surface to bo accomplished. If -the
Conflict between the Federal and
State Railroad Commissions Is inevita
ble on some points over which each of
these organizations claims Jurisdiction.
As a starting-place from which to try
out the respective power of the two
classes of commissions, the order is
sued by the Interstate Commerce Com
mission permitting roads to exact
higher fare for passenger fares for in
terstate than for Intrastate business
will answer very well. This order is
effective, only in states where Legis
latures or state commissions have es
tablished a 2-cent-per-mile rate, and
the carriers have until May 1, 1912, to
prove that the 2 -cent rate Is insuffi
cient. An interesting situation will
arise when the interstate passenger
buys a ticket only as far as the state
line and declines to increase the mile
age rate when the trip merges from an
intrastate Into an interstate affair.
Eventually the Federal body will un
doubtedly control the entire situation.
but pending the adjustment the rail
roads will get an occasional scorching
from one or the other of the two fires
they must dodge.
s
Yamhill County is agitating the
question of good roads. There are
worse roads in the state than those
leading out through historic Yamhill,
but there is not any $200 and $500 per
acre land lying adjacent to them, nor
are they available for use by anything
except sure-footed mules or bunch-
grass cayuses. Yamhill and Washing
ton counties, on account of their close
proximity to Portland, have secured a
liberal proportion of the new arrivals
In the state In the past two years, but
in that period they have made but
small effort to improve the highway
leading into the city that sends them
settlers and supplies a market for the
varied products that make land worth
the prices It now commands. Good
roads are a great asset for any region.
but they are doubly valuable to terri
tory situated In close proximity to
large city markets. As an investment.
the people of Yamhill and Washing
ton counties could hardly put their
money in anything that would yield
greater returns than a good highway
for wagons and automobiles.
After studying with close attention
the annual report of the Pullman Car
Company the Detroit News has come
to the conclusion that. If it had a
choice of membership between the
Pullman car organization and the
United States mint it would accept the
former. This company was organized
about 60 years ago with a capital of
$1,250,000. Except what has been
paid in from earnings no new capital
has ever been added, but stock divi
dends have increased the capitaliza
tion to $120,000,000. He who put in
$1000 at the beginning and retained
the interest until the date of this re
port has now $100,000, besides all
the cash dividends that have been
paid. There are but three railway
systems in the United States upon
which its cars do not run. Only when
compelled by the Interstate Commerce
Commission did this great octopus
submit a public report of Its opera
tions.
An Observation.
Birds in their little
Nests agree;
They'd rather not fall
Out, you see.
Woman's Home Companion. .
Freddy's Misfortune.
Freddy Simpson he ain't never had a
llckin' In his life:
Not even when he broke th blade o'
his pa s bran'-new knife.
An" cut th' parlor carpet, and made
gouges In th" floor.
An whittled his ln-nlshuls. too. right
on their big front door.
You see, his ma opposes any punish
ment like that
Why, she Jest reasoned with him when
he spoiled his pa's new hat.
Huh! Walter Perkins told him how
his pa would take a, switch
An whip him so th places for a. day
or so would Itch!
An' I told Freddy Simpson 'bout th"
llckln's that I get-
So hard sometimes I'd ruther stand up
ror my meals than set.
An Oscar Jones, an' Rufus an' Bob an'
Freckles Smith.
They said they'd take th' lickin's rath
er than be reasoned with.
Us boys, we got to tellin" Freddie how
th' whlppin's feel, -
An" how your pa whacks harder when
you wriggle 'round an" squeal.
An how you holler to him, "I won't do
It any more! "
An how you Just don't do It, long as
you Keep feelin sore.
An' we got Freddy Simpson to believe
It isn't fair . r.: -
Fer his folks Jest to reason when th'
reasons never scare.
So Freddy Simpson started out today
to be real bad, -
An' played some tricks at breakfast till
his pa was awful mad
An started out to reason but Fred
kept a-makin' noise
An' said, "Why don't you lick me like
the others does their boys?"
An' so his pa he licked him, an' now
Freddy says his ma
Spent all th' mornln' reasonln" about it
to his pa.
Wilbur D. Nesbit, in Harper's Maga
zine.
Fly Time.
The swat-the-fly-ful days have come,
The worst time of the year,
When flies about us buzz and hum
And safely dodge and steer.
We poke at them widh fiendish Joy
But, though we aim it well.
They sidestep like a Kid McCoy .
And dodge like Abe AttelL
Milwaukie Sentinel.
"Disease attacks oysters," reads a
scare head-line. Probably it's some
sort of bivalvular trouble. Why not
start a free dispensary at once with
say 200 beds? Open to all, naturally,
too
Dogs are going mad with excltment
over the news that a Yale professor
has discovered the hydrophobia mi
crobes, a a a
A typographical error which caused
It to be stated that the Northern Tactile
had "lowered its rates for frights to
and from New York" has led several
local men to dlcide suddenly to give
their wives a trip back East,
o o
One good turn deserves applause,
o o
Now cometh a temperance reformer
who proposes that a law shall be passed
that every man entitled to obtain a
drink shall carry a registered badge.
falling production of which be must go
thirsty. I think it would be ' much
simpler if every such person were to
wear some distinctive costume, say of
bright green or yellow. It's so very
easy to misplace or lose a badge.
" ...
; On Mty Birthday.
Pink tissue, gilt cords, a package most
fair.
Wreathed about with bright yellow
roses.
Swathed snugly in cotton and perfumed
with care, "
My remembrance from Becky reposes,
I have smiled at the box with the keen
est delight,
Wiiere it sits, enthroned on my table.
When, stuck on Its wrapping, I catch
a sight
of an ornate, suspicious gold label.
;"La Crema Tiinketta" Is branded above.
Just the thing that the girls give
their gents.
I cower and sink 'neath this blow from
my love.
"One hundred cigars thirty cents.
...
An author has, on a wager, com
pletely taken in his friends by acting as
a waiter at a big dinner party given by
one of his millionaire lady-fren's. He
never enjoyed a like success of popular
ity as a writer.
O O '
In these days of prosaic nothingness
it Is pleasant to note pretty fancies.
A late fashion for ladles is to wear on
their necks a row of cute little lady
bugs of coral or cunning beetles of black
Jet.
o o a
A. French soldier, for murdering a
minor officer, has been sentenced to
death, to penal servitude for life, to
dismissal from the army and. to per
petual loss of civil rights. It Is un
derstood that a movement is being
made by his friends to have the last
part of the sentence remitted.
...
Too many cooks spoil the policeman,
. . -
At a political meeting t'other even
ing the platform gave way and the
speaker disappeared below. A patent
has been applied for, and the clever
inventor, who has supplied a long-felt
want, will no doubt make a fortune in
no time at all.
. .
That German dog that talks has cre
ated a great pow-wow among scien
tists. Surgeons are said to be study
ing the question of the possibility of
making all canines chatter. Wish while
they're .about It they'd find a way to
make-cats keep still.
...
A number of local damseki have
banded together in an anti-man .cru
sade, and call their clubhouse "The
Bachelor Girls' Retreat." Which Is
rather clever, as it carries the sug
gestion that they have been pursued.
A Month of Many Moods.
Oh. May,
A roundelay.
One might surmise.
On your behalf should tell
Of daisies in the dell
And purple skies.
But May,
Sometimes rough breezes play
And blizzards whine.
And then the bards must treat
Of snow and Ice and sleet
To be In line.
Oh, May.
You're like a tricksy fay
With many wiles.
You show .us frowns and tears.
And then- you calm our fears
With sunny smiles.
Washington, D. C Herald.
Except Me.
Shades of commercial candor! Shoe
I store advertises, "So and So's shoes.
New styles just In. Better get a pair I
thev won't laet long.
...
(Apologies to Mamma Goose.)
I love little rarebits.
So sticky and warm.
And if I don't' eat him
Heil do me no harm.
o '
A "Club of Silence" has been organ
ized In Portland. Nee'dless to say it's
for men.
...
Woman who ran a needle in her
finger 40 years ago has Just had it
removed from her rib. For years she
told the doctors she had suffered with
a stitch in her side. Which is probably
sew.
o e a
Vaudeville, It is announced, has a
monkey that dresses in tight .skirts,
tight pumps, big hats and dangles a
chatelaine. I have no wish to foster
jealousies, but there are hundreds of
similar objects walking our local
streets.
A proper spirit of Independence Is
one thing; Impertinence in refusing an
intended courtesy Is another. It is
but fair to presume that the hot
weather, the discomforts of which Mrs.
John Hays Hammond sought to relieve
temporarily by serving ice cream to
the young women who were working
in the Census Bureau at Washington
under a temperature verging closely I They loaded up the lot with ease,
ordered out the vans and drays
To move our goods and chattels down
To where, at last, we'd thought to ralsa
Our household standards In the town;
The men were gentlemanly chaps.
And of their skill "m free to sing
For, though they handled all my
"traps,
They did not-break a single thing.
upon 100, had flung the blood Into the
heads of these young women and
made them silly. Otherwise they
would not have met the proffered
courtesy "with refusal couched In pom
pous and Insulting language.
The elopement bee seems to have
gotten Into the bonnets of the daugh
ters of Mayor Gaynor. Within a year
two of the toonnie lassies of his large
family have hied them over Into New
Jersey, minus the parental blessing.
and married men whom it is pre
sumed were not acceptable to their
father. Since both married men who
were able to support them, and the
Mayor has half a dozen or more left
at home he will probably not worry
long or needlessly over the matter.
They carried dishes down the stair;
Piano weight to men like these
Seemed nothing much, I do declare;
They'd squeeze a finger, scratch a
cheek.
And to commandments old they'd
cling;
Though injured, not a word they'd
speak
They did not break a single thing!
Ah, then, of Joy I took my fill!
And when they Iimsnea witn tne
task.
I took a fifty-dollar bill
And went to pay them wnat they a
ask: .
I gave It to those skillful men
Ah. but tne tnougnt now noias a
sting!
It was the same old way again.
They did not breaK a single tmng:
New York Times.
How the Gaa Meter Smiled.
London Answers.
It would be a joy to have a real
country servant! She would be simple
and young and unsophisticated. So re
freshing, after the way in which their
London domestic had lorded the entire
family.
Her name was Elsie, and she turned
out to be verysimple and very young
and very unsophisticated. She had
never seen a carpet sweeper or heard
an alarm clock, and she stared In open
mouthed astonishment when her mis
tress lit the gas stove for her in the
kitchen.
But she declared stoutly that she
would soon grow accustomed to her
new surroundings, and her mistress left
her to work them out by herself.
"How do you find the kitchen
range?" asked the mistress, at the end
of the week.
' 'Deed, mum. it's lovely!" replied
Elsie, enthusiastically. "I never seed
a stove with less trouble to it. Why,
the fire you kindled for me when I
came is still a-burnin', mum, an' it
'asn't lowered even once!"
As adviser to money kings and rail
way kings, John F. Stevens will be the
biggest man in the country. His pro-
Patience Exhausted.
Who sneaks my Sunday clothes at night
And wears them to a rooster flght.
posed Job la bigger than John Hays AnJ then returns m ruined quite?
Hammond's, although the latter will
probably get more pay-
Census figures show fewer idiots
and cranks among the female sex. "I
told you so!" will declare every wife in
the land.
Throwing out the quarreling officers
In the Oregon Naval Reserve was
good way to restore peace.
The King of Italy wants to study the
Oregon system. Here's a chance to ex
tradite Mr. URen
My roommate.
Who rises with the break of day.
Abstracts my watch and hies away
And pawns it for a bracer, hey?
My roommate.
Who goes around on pleasure bent
Until the day to pay the rent?
Who shows up then without a cent?
My roommate.
Who'll amble in some day of doom
To And aa atmosphere of gloom
And nothing but an empty room?
My roommate,
JT-ucllangt,
Ship Races a Dosea Waterspout..
New York Press.
Officers of the steamship Metapan,
from Colin and Kingston, tell of a race
with waterspouts off the Virginia,
coast. Two days after leaving New
York, the spouts were sighted several
hundred yards to windward.
"There were fully a dozen," said
Chief , Officer Spencer, and the wind
was Bearing them down on the ship.
The average height of the spouts was
200 feet. Captain TIedman drove his
craft at full speed and in about 15
minutes loft the watery columns astern.
Coal at the Present Prlees.
Washington. D. C, Star.
"Who do you think are the chief suf
ferers in the place of eternal punish
ment?" the man with an uneasy con
science asked.
"I don't know. But l should tntntc
I the proprietor himself would have hla
I troubles with th coal bills."