TTTE STJ"ND AY OHEGOXIAX, rOTtTLAXD, ypTEMBER 20, 1903. ; :
1908.
, OMETIMES I wish IM f-tartl
life as one of those cub reporters.-
said the Hotel Clerk of the
St. Reckless.
'Kur why?" asked the House Detect-
ivr.
"So's I could grow up- to be the prens
nnt of some enormously wealthy
man." said the Hotel Clerk. "It's a
jrrand trade. It used to be, Larry, that
journalism was like virtue. It was Its
wn reward. When a reporter wore
out his legs or his Imagination, or both,
lie became an editor, which is an awful
comedown for a reporter, so I'm told,
and after that nothing was heard of
him by the peneral public until his
death at the rtpe age of 87, when, after
holding down the exchange desk for
I years with a rank somewhere be
tween the head office boy and the man
who does the questions and answers
department, he passed away leaving an
estate consisting of a pair of shears
and two shares of stock In a building
and loan company that went out of
husiness In JSM.
"But nowadays if he's been sagacious
enough to plant his pipes right he
Is retained at a large anuual salary to
pet tilings Into print for prominent per
sons and corporations, or to keep things
out of print for them, both of which
lie frequently does neither."
"I take It that this tiling of betn
a press agent must be a growin busi
ness." said the House Detective.
"I should say it is." said the Hotel
I'lerk. "It's growing faster than any
thing I know of except the Republican
vote, the membership in the Floradora
Sextette Alumni Association and the
number of old gentlemen who were
c-hfldhood companions of Abraham Lin-
fin and saved his life that time he al
most got drowned while In swimming
at a nn a 11 boy. Anybody that is any
body, or hopes to he, has a press bu
reau to secure publicity, or head it off.
Yet I can distinctly remember when
there were only three regularly or
dained and -recognized press agents in
the United States, Major John Burke
na.i one and Tody Hamilton was the
other two. There were a few itinerant
knights errant In fancy vests and white
fedoras, wandering around the country
two weeks ahead of Rice's "Evangeline"
and "Lady Audley's Secret'paying their
hotel bills with orders on the treasurer
of the troupe and rewarding chamber
maids and the dining-room help with
passes to the gallery for the opening
performance, but they didnt really be
long. The Major anl Tody consti
tuted the membership of the order.
Major Burke would blow Into a coun
try office wearing his wild Western
hair done up on top of the head and
a wide expanse of white shirt front,
with a jewelled cluster in the center,
that looked like the roof off of a
hot house, and suggest the advisability
of slipping In a few words in reference
to the Bill Show. And Tody Hamilton
would arrive In the Spring of the year
t-uding passes and 30-cent cigars from
every pore and he'd hand in a few
.stanzas of natural history stuff about
Hons and tigers from which, try as he
might, he could not keep the names of
two friends of his named Mr. Barnum
and Mr. Bailey, from occasionally creep
ing in.
"Rut now there are press agents ev
erywhere. You see them on every hand.
Some of the leading theatrical stars
ran get along without one. but no large
concern can that's liable to In? fined
JJ9.OtKi.000 by a careless Chicago Judge
any day. I look to see employment
Real Meaning of
NOW President Roosevelt has became
the 'frazzler of nations!
The noble Briton sprawls in dumb per
plexity, even while lti cousin Jonathan
megaphones from the housetops and
tweaks t he tail of the clamorous bird
o freedom, fclnuland, which Is the seat
cf the great British empire and head
quarters of the tablo sauce industry, is
terrd in bewilderment. The throes of
the American Presidential election pros
trated a supposedly listless noncom
tttant. In chop stick terms. England Is
frazzled. Who "frazzled" this haughty
Tuition? Mr. Koosevelt, America's retir
ing executive, who has just placed "Traz-
rie" in the name deathless category with -mollycoddle,"
'nature faker" and
"shorter but uglier."
' We have gut them beaten to a f raz
e '." ejaculated t lie President when he
saw how cverythiiiir as coming for
Tj.fr.
With hawklike eiiR-Tness the correspond-
mis pounced upon the incident, and
jt hort ly it w as cabled to the lndon
ne w spapers, the editors of which con
inhered it a ensaiion. Tlfy " printed it
head- of "11 Us by the SuffrapeUes'
formerly "Mintj for the Household" and
row it is loosening the whole tiht little
President Koosevelt has a reputat Ion
for knowm ic w hat he Is talking about.
Therefore it was conceded bv n (Tiieaco
invent' ks tor today that "frazzle" must
he equipped with both a whyness and
wherefore. With this assurance he
started out on the trail of the untamed
'frazzle.'
First Webster was consulted and Web
ster proved to be a clam. "A dictionary
f slang, " published before the time of
;or:e Ad-, and. worst of all, compiled
by an Knlishman, completely failed to
stab the darkness. Then a well-known
pc-rtlctan. one of those Interested in a
lo-al tteket which slid down to defeat,
w .is pa-sjeed the ptizzlo.
"To pet 'frazzled mearw to Ret the
W tongs thrown Into you," he divulged.
"That's what they did to us. You can't
pet wis to the full meaning of 'frazzle
i:ntl the opposition ruts you on the
slide."
Uh a pratefnl bow the investigator
lft the sad Statesman to his lonesome
musinss. Next he tried it on a bulky
lvtective Sergeant.
"To get "frazzi-d" means $:7 and costs
In the cold A. M.," he informed the ln
cntsltor. Already friction as to mean
Init wm arising.
"Getting 'frazz.ed is when you wear
daylight through your trotteroases. when
your coatsleev-s become s. a Hoped and
w Mn your stmplon waft away." said a
refined song and dance artist who was
prom nadmg in Itandolph street. "It
means when you get stranded, when the
iak'i contract is broken and you have
to hit the- mrit."
" 'Frazzled is the word when you get
taurht in the rain wearing your new
umbrella hat." l!p-d a pretty steno
gtapher who denes her high school edu
c.u 'M.'f, rain Is fierce on feathers."
-i-'iazzlcd 1 the word for us, who
I ol notice mmEzX
!
agencies
springing up soon that will
-nn;..lt. nrnvlflln. OFeSS
make
agents by the day. week or job, and cor
respondence schools that will teach press
I .11 I . .. V, .... V, . . In Oil gta&V
fill y ill till ll iridlllllca, J. - .'
the Word Frazzle
are gone for Sweeney, sent to Gallagher
and named after lennis." explained a
racetrack follower, temporarily connected
with a catch-as-catch-can lunch counter
Job. "Those hombreys in upstate Noo
Yawk certainly sported the silks for
Huches and his chin goods. Chanler Is
panned, an' I'm down to cases."
"You don't fall for 'frazzled!' " ex
claimed a full-grown 'newsle,' who ap
pears in six -rou nd contests under the
soorique:. "Madison-street Biff." "Say,
don't come across wit dat 1 ain't Jerry
lay. Any one knows what 'frazzled' is.
It means when you jrit a nuoVe above
do surcingle lat wilts you fer de ten
count.'
1-ate bulletins A further search by the
dauntless investigator has revealed th
fact that Mr. Roosevelt's latest big stlck
ism 1a authorized in the Century diction
ary as follows:
"Frazil A Canadian French term of ob
scure origin, perhaps a particular use of
the French fraisil. cinders, culm, slack,
or from the French fraise, a collar ruff,
in allusion to the way In which the
anchor ice clings around the bowlders at
the bottom of a stream; anchor ice.'
CURIOUS FACTS
WORLD OVER
SBKRIA. says an EnBlish tteographer,
contains one-ninth of all the land on
the globe. Great Britain and all Europe,
except Russia, together with the whole of
the L'niieU States, could be put Into Si
beria. Orsa, In Sweden, has In the course of a
generation sold .r'.5..000 worth of trees,
and by means of Judicious replanting has(
provided for a similar Income every thirty'
or forty years. In consequence or the
development of thia commercial wealth
there are no taxes. Railways and tele
phones are free, and so are the school
houses, teaching and many other things.
In Persia the man who laughs is con
sidered effeminate, but free license la
given to female merriment.
In Madagascar every one wears Bilk,
as It Is cheaper there than linen.
Reindeer hair Is much used In Norway
for tilling" In lifebelts. Its buoyancy Is
said to be greater than that of the best
cork.
Most persons employed In the Venetian
glass Industry begin to lose their sight
when they are between 40 and 60 year
of 'are, and In a short time become blind.
This blindness is caused by the excessive
heat ajid glare from the furnaces.
The river Jordan makes the greatest
descent in the shortest distance of any
uream. During its course of 1 miles
It has twenty-aeven falls and descends
vio feet.
When the moon la full. In some parts
of Africa objects are distinctly visible
at a distance of seven miles, while print
can be read with ease by starlight.
Ostriches have the greatest contempt
for Kaffirs and Hottentots, and attack
them much more readily than they do
white men.
The Oreat Barrier Reef, fronting the
coat of North Australia, is the largest
lessons, by mail. Kven our best little
murderers have press .agents on the staff
these days. If there's any class to them.
A chlvaJric gent takes an automatic gun
and shoots some other gent so full of
holes that he looks like a Swiss cheese.
Then he gets a lawyer and the lawyer
gets a press agent, and the press agent
gets busy. While the accused is in his
cosy cell eating the toilet soap an put
GENERAL LEONARD WOOD TAKES COMMAND AT GOVERNOR'S ISLAND, SUCCEEDING GEN
izr svmx-
v- : .v.. . . .. i
NEW YORK, Nov. 2S. (Special.) Gen
eral Leonard Wood, returning from the
Phlplpplnes, took command at Governor's
Island, succeeding Gen. Grant, recently.
The ceremony was simple. General Grant
and his wife greeted General and Mrs.
Wood and surrendered their home to
them. General Grant started at once for
Chicago.
coral reef In the world. It Is over 1000
miles long and 30 miles wide.
Many of the women of Poland are re
markable for their beauty and grace of
form. As a rule the Polls'h girl has ex
quisite taste In dress and knows how to
blend colors artistically.
There are few able-bodied paupers in
Holland. A tract of public land, contain
ing 6000 seres, is divided Into six model
farms, to one of which the person ap
plying for public relief is sent Here he
Is taught agriculture, and Is subsequently
permitted to rent a small holding for
himself. Holland also has a forced-labor
colony, to which vagrants are sent to do
farm and other work, whether they like
it or not.
One Color From Xeck to Toes.
As each week passes. i is seen that
women are going in heavily for the one-
ting hay In his hair and cultivating that
glassy, maniacal stare out of the eyes,
and tuning up his knee reflexes for the
alienists, and otherwise developing a
typical case of the variety of Insanity
which appears to be bo catching in a
country jail, the press agent Is darting
hither and yon, passing out the private
correspondence of the lady In the case
and picking the last remaining basting
threads out of her reputation and mold
ing public opinion until the mouldy odor
Is noticeable for a long distance. At the
trial the press agent Is just as Indispen
sable as he would be to Duncan Clark's
Lady Minstrels en tour.
It used to be hard sometimes to sell
ERAL GRANT
SI
THE PRESS
AGENT
SUGGESTS A
FEW WORDS
ABOUT THE SHOW
the homeseeker one of those choice sea
side residential sites where you can
gather clams when the tide's out and
bluensh when it's in. If the prospect
ive purchaser Insisted dn seeing the
property before signing the papers there
was danger that he might choose the
wrong hour for visiting the place and
find his desirable lot at the comer of
Oceanview Heights, and Horaedale Ter
race could only be viewed by going
tow;;"""
22V: ,Z?Sl&3ZO WOOD
color line from the collar to the floor.
The waist and skirt, if in two pieces,
must match. The gown must preferably
be from one piece from the collar bone
down. '
Even above the collar bone the same
color of lace or net is often used instead
of white. Indoor frocks, as well as street
costumes, are clinging to this one-color
effect. The hats do not match the gown,
and shoes and gloves need not match It,
but if you would be in fashion, see to it
that in every hour of the day you are in
one color from chin to toe.
It is the one-piece gown that has made
this fashion compulsory. The separate
coat and skirt is not as popular as it has
been, for it has given way to the three
piece suit. The skirt carries its own
blouse, and the coat is added thereto.
The total deposits In American savlnirs
banks diminished by less than 1 per cent
during the last fiscal year. In Pennsyl
vania, these Institutions showed an actual
gain, thobffh a slight one. during the pe
riod of economic depression. Philadelphia
Bulletin.
1
j"-r ii,?Ml.a
out some distance In a rowboat and fin
ishing the trip In a diving suit, which
was calculated to cause the deal to fall
through unless he happened to be a per
son that was fond of fishing and frog
legs. But now the realty company gets
an ex-sporting editor or something like
that to turn out a line of attractive
literature dealing with the joys of hav
ing a villa within sound of the rom;ing
billows and the line of those desiring to
own a little swamp land stretches for
two blocks.
To a modern hotel a press agent is just
as necessary as feathers are to a hen.
You take one of those Summer hotels
that charges corkage on hot water bot
tles and has a veranda where there's not
room for the guests after dark owing
to the dense crowds of mosquitoes that
have arrived early and taken all the
best seats, although sometimes preferring
ankles. But the blithe little press agent
slides a few bright paragraphs into the
Sunday society columns, stating that
Senator Bunkham and his charming
family, and Mrs. Putnam Asunder, the
fascinating society widow, and the min
ister from Bulgaria are among he re
cent arrivals at the Hotel Skinmere, and
by Wednesday of the following week all
the leading families from the interior are
reserving front rooms by wire for the
entire season.
"If it's a city hotel the need for a
brisk young publicity promoter is that
much greater. Suppose there's a wed
ding in the Red Parlor with very ro
mantlo features, such as the groom being
in the wholesale hardware business at
East Liverpool, O., anj having met his
fair bride at a normal school commence
ment in Michigan City. There's nothing
like having a lad around the shop who
can slip over the unique details on all
the city editors in town and get the
name of the hotel In the top headlines.
Or, suppose it's a case where a slim-built
bellboy is boosted over the transom of
the room where a casual guest, register
ing without baggage, has written a short
vaiedlctory and then turned on the gas.
Who undertakes to soften the heart of
the Coroner so he'll consent to open the
window and let all the evidence out?
Who frames it up to make the reporters
believe that the stranger really suc
cumbed to heart failure in a vacant lot
on the next block? Who, but the press
agent kid?
"A lady suffering from a malignant
case of sudden wealth moves In from
the fine cut country, where chewing
tobacco is regarded as the proper salad
course, with designs of an inside na
ture on some ancestral society. What
does she do? Why, she communicates
her heart's longings to the right kind
of a press agent and Inside of a week
the word is "going round that her
grandfather was on such Intimate
terms with Israel Putnam that he al
ways called him Izzy, thus putting- her
an even nose ahead of the other social
climber, whose great uncio by marriage
was merely engineer of the ferryboat
that time when Washington crossed the
Delaware.
"But it's the truly rich who find the
most need of a private press depart
ment. Along about the age of life
when he's treed all the available cur
rency in the known world, o.d Mr. Mil
lionaire discovers, that he's still shy
something. He looks around to ascer
tain what It is he's missed and he dis
covers that it's friendship. He makes
more money in a minute than Mike
Casey, who drives the streetcar, makes
In a year,"" but when it comes to hav
ing friends, Mike's got him taking the
Trolley Traffic in
JEIectrio Railroads Have Banished Much of City's Charm.
TO UNDERSTAND what streetcars
mean to a place like Tokio one needs
to keep in mind that the capital city of
Japan covers a territory that Is said to
be as large as that of London and has a
population of about. 2.000,000. If you are
at all disconcerted b: the number of
miles as compared to the number of peo
ple your mind niy be set at ease by the
reflection that Tokio consists for the
most part of one-story and two-story
houses to the top of the first story of
which you can often reach with your out
stretched hand so that by the necessity
of the case it requires a gret deal of
room to store away a small number of
people.
If you are a stranger in Tokio, to whom
the Japanese spoken language is unknown
and the ideaograph signs on the cars are
a mystery, and If you are dependent on
your jinrikisha ien, properly instructed
by those who speak the vernacular, to go
about, you will realize the magnificent
distances of the island metropolis. Your
jinrikisha man will trot and , trot until
you wonder how strength can be left In
his nimble legs and breath in his body,
but you will Geemingly be no nearer your
destination than when you started.
After a while, your time being limited,
you will hit on the expedient of having
your directions written out for you in
Japanese. These you will hand to the
conductor of the trolley-car and he will
be as particular about putting you off at
the right point as you are afraid that he
won't. Then, your carfare being about
one-twentieth of that of a jinrikisha and
vour saving in time very great, you will
begin to appreciate what the Introduction
of trolley-cars meant to the people of
Tokio.
It Isn't as picturesque a method of loco
motion, by any manner of means. It's a
little hard on the Jinrikisha men. who
naturally don't like it, since it throws
them out of Jobs. It cuts down the charm
of Tokio, allying Itself with the ugly
European buildings and the stores in the
modern style. Still, you recognize and
are rather grateful-for the advance it
marks in the life and convenience of the
people. Evidently the Japanese appreci
ate its advantages, for daily 400.000 fares
are collected on the 750 cars which run
through the various parts of the city.
There are foreigners who will tell you.
perhaps in the condescending and mock
ing spirit toward the Japanese which dis
tinguishes them, that the Japanese
always will choose the longest way
around in going between any two given
points, using every possible transfer in
order to get their money's worth. If
this be true It Is a little hard on the
streetcar company, but It goes to show
that, despite all modern time-saving in
ventions, the commendable spirit of
leisure still obtains In the Orient.
If there Is an accident or If the electric
current leaves the wire, which seems to
happen with . strange regularity every
other hour or so, and the cars pile up
for blocks around as far as you can see,
nobody regrets the delay very much. All
the male passengers, if need be, are ready
to give the slight conductor a helping
hand. Being a foreigner, and therefore.
LJ; IM HIS CELL
bankruptcy law. So he lures some
publicity expert In to help him in the
job of spreading sweetness and light
all over the premises.
"Thus we find the -uccessful finan
cier enthroned alone in his inner sanc
tum wearing a hard boiled face, garn
ished with side whiskers. He taps a
bell. One of those shrinking wind
flowers that rich men love to surround
themselves with, opens the door a quar
ter of an Inch and oozes through,
trembling slightly. Large capitalists
with defective livers always seem to
prefer secretaries that are tall and slen
der and have pale yellow complexion!
like a sprig of Michigan celery. I sup
pose it takes a few of the umlauts off
an Inverted disposition to be able to hav,
somebody around that will quiver vio
lently and turn a light green color when
spoken to.
"Our financier barks at his servitor
once or twice Just to hear his teeth
chatter and' then says: 'Send in Mr.
Pulps." The human lizard departs,
crawling on his stomach in a noiseless
manner, and in comes Wood Pulps, the
reformed space grabber. When he was
a regular reporter, he sometimes made
one shirt do the work of two, and he
was often careless about his hair, but
now he's all dressed up like Vanderbllt's
cook. 'Pulps,' says his employer, 'It is
my intention to smear on about eighty
millions, endowing a few hospitals and
colleges and things. Do you .think you
could induce the papers to print a few
lines about itr And Pulps, knowing that
he has a story which any city editor
would give both his legs for, winks an in
terior wink to himself and says It'll be
a hard Job, but he'll try."
"The press agents for millionaires have
the easiest .time of all, I s'pose," said
the House Detective.
"Don't you think It," said the Hotel
Clerk. "A rich man spends 60 years
growing a pair of horns for himself and
then expects his press agent to trade
'era off for a halo over night."
Capitol of Japan
It 1b to be taken for granted. In a hurry,
you will have to fall back, after all, on
onw of the Jinriklslias, which are to be
found at every" corner. While you may
Inveigh against their comparative slow
ness, you will highly commend their su re
nt; ss.
If you are that rare and strange bird, a
foreigner and not in a hurry, and if you
can possess your soul in patience, you
will find more than ample compensation
for the delay In the opportunity given for
a study of your fellow-passengers. There,
beside you. are the coolies in their neat
uniforms of blue cotton, with the names
of their guilds worked in large white let
ters on the backs of their coats. Titers
are old men and women, carrying odd
little medicine boxes, from which they
carefully abstract pills and then slip them
back in the sleeves of their kimonos.
These ancient ones have seen many
changes come over tile face of Japan.
They were here long before the trolley,
and perhaps they regret the good old
times when walking was even chenprr
than a 2-cent carfare. There are groups
of schoolgirls, frequent patrons of the
cars, dressed in kimonos and divided
skirts of scarlet, 'their books and papers
tucked away in neat red bags, laughing,
chattering and, very likely, making fun
of your own odd appearance. And
But your observations will be Inter
rupted by the Inevitable young scholar,
with his English book, anxious to make
hay while the car is off the trolley and
improve his English by conversing witn
you. Chicago News.
The Boy's Sacrifice.
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
He was a good little boy and very
thoughtful. He had heard about the
great scarcity of water throughout the
country.
He came Jlo his mother and slipped his
hand into hers.
"Mamma." he said, "is It true that in
some places the little boys and girls have
scarcely enough water to drink?"
"That Is what the papers say, my
dear."
"Mamma," he presently said, "I'd like
to give up somethin' for those poor little
boys and girls."
His mother gave him ft fond look.
"Yes, dear. And what would you like to
give up?"
"Mamma," he said. In his earnest way,
"as long as the water is so very. vey
scarce I think I ought to give up bcln'
washed!"
The Blockade.
St. Louis Republic.
There's fear in Venezuela.
r"or the Dutch are otr the hor;
Their smoky little warships
Are prepared to rip an roar.
The fortress guns are loaded
And the Venezuelans trust
They'll never have to shoot 'em
'Cause they're pretty sure to bust.
The ports are all blockaded
In a mighty skeery way;
The boats of Wllhelmlna
Are patrolin' every bay;
The peevish Castro's navy
Is beside the roallne; pier;
And soon some fierce dl-siiatrhea
W ars prtty sure to hear. --
I .. i ' : ! ' '