THE SUNDAY OREGOXIAX, PORTLAND. SEPTEMBER 13, 1908. ra
lCJWTY WAS SOINC SOHC
J m II LI as M lii "
V
SAT. I don't play myself for any hu
man chHia tester, but I did think
I had Swift y Joe Gallagher aJI
framed up long ago. Not that I ever
made any special study of Swlfty; but
knowtn' him for aa Ionic as I have, and
havin' him helpln' me In the studio, I
got the notion that I was -wise to most
of hla curve. I've got both hands In
the air now, though.
Goin' back over the last few monthe,
too, I can see where I might have got a
line on him before. But. oh no! Noth
ln' could Jar me out of bellevln' he
wouldn't ever run against the form
sheet I'd made out. The glimmer I
gets was when I finds Joe In the front
office one day. planted before the big
lookin'-glaas. havin' a catch-aa-catcn
can with his hair.
"Hully chee:" says he. dlppin' one of
my military brushes In the wash basin.
-That's fierce, ain't It, Shorty? "
"If It's your nerve In helpln- your
self to my bureau knickknacks," says I,
"I agree with you.
"Ah. can the croak!" says he. "I
- ain't eat in' the bristles off. am IT"
"Oh. I'm not fussln'." cays I; "but
what you need to use on that thatch
la a currycomb and a lawn rake.
"Ah. say!" says he. "I don't see as
It's so much worse than others I know
of. It's all right when I can get It to
lay down In the back. How's that.
now?"
"Great!" says I. "Couldn't be better
if you'd used fish glue."
Maybe you never noticed ho
Swlfty's top-piece Is finished off? He
has a mud-colored growth that's as soft
as a shoe brush. It behaves well
enough when lt'e dry: but after he's
got it good and wet it breaks up Into
ridges that overlap, same aa shingles
on a roof.
But then, you wouldn't be lookln'
for any camel's hair finish on a nut like
Swlfty's not with that face. Course,
he ain't to blame for the undershot
Jaw. nor the way his ears lop, nor the
width of his smile. We don't all have
gifts like that, thanks be! And it wa n t
on purpose Swlfty had his nose bent in.
That comes from not duckln quick
enough when Gans swung with his
right.
So long as he kept in his class,
though, and wa'n't called on to under
study Kyrle Bellew, Swlfty met all the
specifications. If I was wantln' a par
lor ornament, I might shy some at
Swlfty's style of beauty: but showin'
bilious brokers how to handle the med
icine ball Is a Job that don't call for an
exchange of photographs. He may
have an outline that looks like a map
of a stone quarry, and perhaps his ways
are a little on the fritz, but Swifty
got good points that I couldn't find
bunched again if I was to hunt through
a crowd. So, when I finds him worryin
over the set of his back hair, I gets
Interested.
"What's the coiffure for. anyway?"
, says I. "Goin' to see the girl eh?"
Course that was a Josh. You can't
look at Swlfty and try to think of him
doin' the Romeo art without grlnnin.
"Ahr, chee!" says he.
Now, rve sprung that same Jolly on
him a good many times: but I never
see him work up a color over It be
fore. Still, the idea of him gettin' kit
tenish was too much of a strain on the
mind for me to follow up. -
It was the same about hla breakin'
Into song. He'd never done that,
either, until one momin' I hears a
noise com In' from the back room that
sound like some one blowln on a
bottle. I steps over to the door easy,
and hanged it I didn't make out that
It was Swlfty takin' a crack at some
thing that might be, "Oh, How I Love
My Lulu."
"You must." says I. "If It makes you
feel aa bad as all that. Does Lulu know
It?"
"Ahr. chee!" says he.
Ever hear Swlfty shoot that over his
shoulder without turnln' his head? Talk
about your echools of expression! None
of 'em could teach anyone to put aa
much Into two word aa Swlfty does
What Newspaper
Faith Shattered.
T don't believe In that doctor."
"Why?"
"He didn't tell me everything I
wanted to eac was bad for me!"
Too True.
Harper's Weekly.
"What Is synonym, dad?"
"A synonym, my son. la a word that
you can use when you don't know how
to spell the one you thought of first.'
O Temporal
Howard Why did he marry her at
all if he were going to get a divorce
so speedily?
Coward Because h didn't think It
would be honorable to break their en
gagement. An Karly Impression.
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
"MnirjEle, wash the ide windows this
morning."
"Why this morning, ma'am?"
"I want the new neighbors to see our
dcnlng-room Bet."
Overburdened With Memory.
Washington Star.
"Tour son tella me that he i going to
take leseona to cultivate his memory."
"I hop not," answered Farmer Corn
torse! ; "he can remember every fool tune
that waa ever whistled."
More.
Boston Glob.
First kid "My papa's got so much
money he don't know how to spend It."
Second kid "That's nothing. My
papa's got so much money that even
mamma can't spend It."
Described.
"Pop!"
"Yes. my son."
"What la a harpsichord?"'
"A harpsichord, my boy, is an Instru
ment which when beard makes a man
feel sorry that he ever said anything
unkind about a piano."
And His long Salt, Too.
Harper's Weekly.
Tramp Lady, have you a pair of
trousers which your husband has dis
carded? Kind Lady Yes. Her they are. but
they "''H not 14,1 'ong my husband
discards from weakness.
Artistic Kesentment.
Washington. Evening Star.
"Don't you enjoy the singing of the
wild hlrdr' aJo5 the rural enthusiast.
"Certainlv not." answered the prima
donra. "Any on who enjoys the musical
, into them. They're a whole vocabulary,
the way he uses 'em.
"Was you tryin' to sing." says I. "or
Just givln' an Imitation of a steamboat
siren on a foggy night?"
But all I could get out of Swlfty waa
another "Ahr. chee!" He waa too happy
and satisfied to Join In any debate, and
Inside of 10 minutes he's at it again;
so I lets him epiel away.
"Well." thinks I. "I'm glad my Joy
don't have any such effect on me as
that. I s'pose I can stand It If he can."
It wa'n't more'n two nights after that
I gets another shock. I was feelin" a
little nervous, to begin with, for I'd
billed myself to do a stunt I don't often
tackle. It waa nothln' ' less than
pilotln' a fluff delegation to some art
studio doin's. Sounds like a Percy Job.
don't it? But it was something put up
to me In a way I couldn't dodge.
Maybe yob remember me tellln' you
a while back about Cornelia Ann Bel
ter? She was the Mlnnekeegan girl
that had a room on the top floor over
the Physical Culture Studio, and was
makin' a stab at the sculpture game
the one that we got out to Rockywold
as a ringer in the snow-carvin' contest.
Got her placed now?
Well, you know how that little trick
of makin' a snow angel brought her In
orders from Mr. Purdy Pell, and Sadie,
and the rest? And she didn't do a
thing but make good, either. I hadn't
seen her since she quit the building:
but I'd heard how she-was doin' fine,
and here the other day I gets a card
sayin' she'd be pleased to have my com-.
pany on a Wednesday mgni at nan
after eight, givln" an address on Fifth
aven ue.
"Corny must be carvln' the canta
loup." thinks I. and then forgets all
about it until Sadie hold me up and
wants to know if I'm goin".
"Nix." says I. "Them art studio
stunts is over my head."
"Oh, pshaw!" says Sadie. "How long
since you have been afraid of Miss
Belter? Didn't you and I help her to
get her start? She'll feel real badly Jf
you don't come."
"She'll getover that." says I.
"But Mrs. Pell and I will have to go
all alone if you don't come with us,"
says she. "Mr. Pell Is out of town, and
Plnckney Is too busy with those twins
and that Western girl of his. You've
got to come. Shorty."
"That settle iw" saya I. "Why didn't
you say so first off?"
So that was what I was doin' at quar
ter of eight that night, in my open-face
vest and dinky little tuxedo, hustim
along Forty-second treet, wonderln'
if the folks took me for a head waiter
late to his Job. You see, after I gets
all ragged out I finds I've left my pat
ent leathers at the studio. Swlfty has
said he was goin' to take the night off.
too. so I'm some' surprised to see the
front office all lit up like there was
a ball goin" on up there. I takes the
steps three at a time, expectin' to find
a couple of yeggs movln' out the safe;
but when I throws the door open what
should I see planted in front of the
mirror but Swlfty Joe.
Not that I was sure it was him till
I'd had a second look. It was Swlfty's
face, and Swlfty's hair, but the costume
was a phllopena. It would have tickled
song-and-dance artist to death. Any
where off'n the variety stage, unless it
was at a Fourth Ward chowder party.
It would have drawn a crowd. Perhaps
you can throw up a view of a pinhead
check In brown and white, blocked off
Into I four-inch squares with red and
green lines; a double-breasted coat with
scalloped cuffs on the sleeves, and silk
faced lapels; a pink and wihte shirt
striped like an awnln'; a spotted butter
fly tie: yellow shoe in the latest oleo
margarine tint; and a caffy-o-lay bean
pot derby with a half-Inch brim to
finish off the picture. It was a slzzler.
all right.
For a minute I stands there with my
mouth, open and my eyes bugged, takln'
In the details. If I could I would have
skipped without sayin' a word, for I
see I'd butted In on something that was
sacred and secret. But Swlfty's heard
me come in, and he's turned around
reputation tht some of these birds have
gained should be fretting at least a thou
sand dollars a performance. The method
of the birds is positively unprofes
sional!" Defined.
Puck.
As nearly as can be differentiated, a
Job 1 where a man does most of the work
and somebody else gets most of the pay,
and a position Is were . man gets most
of the pay and somebody else does most
of the work. '
And Perhaps More.
Punch.
Mr. Tell-lt My wife says her shopping
at the bargain sale today reminded her
of the lRst ballet she had seen.
Mr. Her-lt How was that?
Mr. Tell-lt Well, because almoet every
thing waa 30 per cent off..
A Happy Thought.
Boeton Transcript.
"The time will come," cried the Socialist
orator, "when the laboring man will have
the wealthy under his feet. And what
will happen then?"
"He'll be walking on hla uppers," came
a voice from the crowd.
Variable Sentiment.
"Of course, you are a great advocate
of Industry," said the serious person.
"Well." answered Farmer Corntossel.
"when It comes to an opinion "bout ln
dustry I s'pose I'm purty much like
anyone else; It depends on whether I-'m
doin' the work myself or hlrin' It
done." V
Always a Debtor.
Chicago Journal.
As a pleasant-faced woman passed the
corner Harris touched his hat to her and
remarked to hla companion:
"Ah, my boy, I owe a. great deal to that
woman."
"Your mother?" waa the query.
"No; my landlady."
Horrors of Politics.
Chicago Tribune.
"Then you knew something of it al
ready?" said the chairmen of the notifi
cation committee, much chagrined.
"Yes." answered the nominee, "I saw
an Intimation of it in the newspapers. In
fact, gentlemen." he addedX with a broad
smile on his sunny face, "I had a printer's
Inkling of it."
Diffusing th Annoyance.
Washington Star.
"You don't suppose we take boarders
because we need the money," exclaimed
Farmer Corntossel. loftily.
"I had) some such idea," answered the
man who had ventured to criticise.
"Not at all. We Just get these people
A LITTLER ROM ANCE M THE LIFE OF
PROCESSOR SttOBTY Ms CAB EX ASSISTANT
v. i.
" .' L C 1,1?
"SEE HIM!' SAYS
waitin'- for me to give a verdict. Not
wantln' to hurt his feelin, I has to go
careful.
"Swift v." says I. "Is that you?"
He only grins kind of foolish, sticks
his chin out. nnd saws his neck against
his hlga collar, like a cow usin' a
scratchin' post.
"Blamed if I didn't take you for
Heury Dlxcy, -.rst ehot," says I, walk
In' .tound and gettin' a new angle.
"Gee! but tnat's a swell outfit!"
X
f
V7
"-W.r."W .;.f :.-:
I WASN'T SURE IT WAS HIM
"Think so?" says he. "Will It make
'em sit up :
"Will It?" says I. "Why, you'll have
'em on their toes."
I didn't know how far I could go on
that line without givln' him o grouch:
but he seems to like It, so I tears off
some more of the same.
"Swlfty." say I. "you've got a bunch
of tiger lilies lookln' like a faded tea
rose. You've got a grt-up there that
would win out at a Cakewalk, and if
you'll take it over to Third avenue
Sunday afternoon you'll be the best bet
on the board."
Wits Say
in from town to keep the mosquitoes from
devotln' all their attention to our home
circle."
Supplying Broken Parts.
London Sketch.
The Customer When I. bought a car
from you a few weeks ago you said you
would be willing to supply a new part If
I broke anything.
The Motor Agent Certainly, Sir. What
can I have the pleasure of providing you
with?
The Customer I want a pair of new
ankles, a floating rib, e. left eye. three
yards of cuticle, a box of assorted finger
nails, four molars, two bicuspids and a
funny-bone.
Venus Revenged.
Chicago News.
I-ong after the visitors' hour In the art
gallery the statues engaged in conversa
tion. "Say, Vene," called Neptune's daughter,
"tell us the truth. How did. you lose your
arms?"
"You won't breathe It to anyone?"
asked Venus.
"You don't mean to say that a woman
would tell a secret, do you?"
"Well. I'll tell you. I was trying to get
my hand over my 'merry widow' hat to
attach the hatpin ana my arm snapped
off."
And the statues laughed so hilariously,
that Mara awoke from his nap and
grabbed his spear.
The Latest About TafU
"Heard the latest about TaftT" Inquired
a campaign manager.
"No. What is it?" the reporters asked.
"It is copy for all of you, whether your
papers are Republican, Democratic or
Prohibitionist. A true and harmless
story that will neither make nor unmake
votes.
"Mr: Taft," snld the campaign manager,
after pausing to laugh, "was out taking
a brisk constitutional one day, and in
sharply negotiating a corner he ran
square Into . peddler, upsetting the man'i
tray of shoestrings and collar buttons.
"The peddler, as he stooped to pick up
his wares, grumbled to himself:
" "And they want to say these here di
rigible balloons is perfected!"
Offered a Substitute.
The beauteous young woman enters
the drugstore hastily.
"Is Mr. Chargem in?" she asks.
"You mean the proprietor?" Inquires
the affable clerk. "No, madam, I re
gret to say that he la not In."
"Oh. dear. I am sorry," she murmurs,
into her beaming optics' creeping the
shadow of disappointment.
"Is there anything you wish?" the
affable clerk asks.
"Well you see Mr. Chargem is my
fiance, and I am unexpectedly going
away on a trip, and I called to to
to kiss him good-by. And now he
x;
- - - - ,w-.r- r
US, i . . i
; v - , i I .. , i
. h, ? fe $ ' ' I fit V - ' I
i WW Kit, x&v
M
"YOU DON'T NOTICE ANY BANDAGE
"Honest?" says he, grlnnin way back
to his ears. "I was after somethln' a
little fancy, I'll own up."
"Well, you got It," says I. "Where'd
you have it built?"
"Over the bridge." says he.
Say, It's a wonder some of them South
Brooklyn cToth carpenters don't get the
blind staggers, turnln' out clothes like
that: ain't it?
"Must be some special occasion T'
says I.
UNTIL I'D HAD A SECOND LOOK,
"D'ye think I'd be blowin' myself
like this If It wa'n'tt" says he. "You
bet. It's extra special."
"With a bklrt in the background?"
sajs I.
"Uh-huh,"' says he, springin' anotlser
grin.
"Naughty, naughty!" ays I.
"Ahr. say," says he. trying to look
peevish, "you oughter to know better'n
that! You never heard of me chasln'
the Lizzies yet, did you? This is a real
lady nice and classy, see?"
"Some one on Fifth avenue?" says I.
unwindln' a little string. But he whirls
Isn't here, and the train goes In half
a hour, and '
"I am truly sorry, madam." the clerk
says, "that your fiance is not here to
kiss you good-bye, but" -his profes
sional training asserting itself "1 can
give you something Just as good."
Journalistic Enterprise in Indiana.
Booth Tarklngton says that In no state
have the newspapers more "journalistlo
enterprise" than in his native Indiana.
While stopping at a little Hoosler hotel in
the course of hunting trip Mr. Tarklng
ton lost one of his dogs, says Everybody's
Magazine.
"Have you a newspaper in town?" he
asked of the landlord.
"Right across the way, there, back of
the shoemaker's," the landlord told him.
"The Daily News best little paper of its
size In the state."
The editor, the printer and the printer's
devil were all busy doing Justice to Mr.
Tarklngton with an "In-our-midst" para
graph when the novelist arrived.
"I've Just lost a dog." Tarklngton ex
plained after he had introduced himself,
"and I'd like to have you insert this ad.
for me: 'Fifty dollars reward for the re
turn of a pointer dog answering to the
name of Rex. Disappeared from the yard
of the Mansion House Monday night.' "
"Why, we were Just going to press,
sir," the editor said, "hut we'll be only
too glad to hold the edition for your ad."
Mr. Tarklngton returned; to the hotel.
After a few minutes he decided, however,
that It might be well to add "No questions
asked" to his advertisement, and returned
to the Dally News office.
The place was deserted, save for the
skinny little freckle-faced devil, who sat
perched on a high stool, gazing wistfully
out of the window.
"Where Is everybody?" Tarklngton
asked.
"Gawn to hunt th' dawg." replied the
boy. without removing his gaze from the
distant fields.
The Time Puzzle.
Nashville American.
The clock in the parlor Is running too fast;
The clock In the kitchen is slow;
The clock In the hall Is at best but a tor.
And half of the time It won't go.
John's watch needs repairing, and Bill's
wasn't wound:
The clock In the attic won't chime;
We've" no less than twenty timepieces about.
And no one can tell us the time.
From i-randfather's turnip you would not
expect
Exactness to minute and dot.
But Ethel Miranda has one that is new.
And hers should be right on the spot.
It Isn't dependable, nevertheless.
No more than the new dollar tick
That Chester received as a prize with a suit
And thought he was turning a trick.
It's watches to right of us. watches to left.
And clocks scattered round here and
there.
Besides a sundial that stands In the yard.
Though broken and needing repair.
In beautiful cases most all of them tick
In plentiful rhythm and rhyme.
But no one Is certain that his Is correct.
And no one can swear to the time.
To see that our meals are pulled off when
they're duo.
That no one may kick or complain.
We average up every timepiece in the house
And watch for the 8 o'clock train.
If it is on time, we can feel we are saved,
But when It is half an hour late
We turn to our watches, our clocks and the
un.
And average their heated debats.
K( t $
OVER MY EYES, DO YOU 7"
round like I'd Jabbed him with a pin.
"Who tipped you off to that?'" says
he.
"Guessed it by the clothes," says I.
That simmers him down, and I could
see he wanted to be confidential the
worst way. He wouldn't Jet go of her
name; but I gathered it's some one he's
known for quite a spell, and that she's
sent him a special Invite for this even
in'. "Asks me to call around, see?" saye
he. "Now, I put it up to you, Shorty;
don't that look like I got some standln'
with her?"
"She must think pretty well of you.
that's a fact," says I. "and I Judge that
you're willin' to be her honey boy. Ain't
got the ring In your vest pocket, have
you?" ,
"Maybe that ain't so much of a Joke
as you think," says he, settin' the bean
pot lid a little more on one side.
"Z-z-z-pp!" eays I. "That's goin'
some! Well, well, but you are a cute
one, Swlfty. Why. I never susplcloned
such a thing. Luck to you, my lad;
luck to you!" and I pats him on the
back. "I don't know what chances you
had before, but in that rig you can't
lose."
"I guess It helps," says he, twistin'
his neck to get a back view.
He- was puttln' on the last touches
when I left. Couree, I was some
stunned, specially by the Fifth avenue
part of It- But then, it's a long street,
and It's gettin' bo now that all kinds
lives on it.
I was a little behind sched. when I
gets to Sherry's, where I was to pick
up Sadie and Mrs. Purdy Pell; but at
that It was 10 or 15 minutes before they
get the tourin' car called up and, we're
all tucked away inside. It don't take
us long to cover the distance, though,
and at 20 to 9 we hauls up at Miss Bel
ter's number. I was just gofn' to pile
out when I gets a glimpse of a pair of
bright yellow shoes carryin' a human
checker-board.
"S-s-sh!" says I to the ladle. "Walt
up a second till we see where he goes."
"Why, who Is it?" says Sadie.
"Swlfty Joe," says I. "You might not
think it from the rainbow uniform, but
It's him. That's the way he dresses
the part when he etarts out to kneel
to his lady-love." .
"Really!" says Mrs. Pell. Is he1 going
to do that?"
'Got it straight from him," says I.
"There! he's worked his courage up.
Now he takes the plunge."
"Why!" says Sadie, "that is Miss Bel
ter's number he' gdlng Into."
"She don't live on all five floors, does
she?" says I.
"No; but it's odd. Just the same,"
says she.
'Raising Foxes for Their Fur
H
AVING failed as a chicken
breeder I am now making a
thousand dollars a year on my
fox farm."
The speaker was a New Hampshire
woman who passed through New York
the other day on her way to take two
months' vacation In the Northwest.
"About ten years ago my mother in
herited a small farm in New Hampshire
and we went there to live," she con
tinued. "I had had some four years' ex
perience in the city as a stenographer
and had managed to save up in the
neighborhood of J500. Mother had let fur
nished rooms and had managed to scrape
together more than double the amount of
my savings.
"As we hadn't found city life all that It
is cracked up to be and both being coun
try bred we were anxious enough to get
back to the country. My capital was in
vested In chickens and I worked faith
fully to make my poultry pay. At the
end of five years I hadn't one cent more
In bank than when I started out.
"The trouble wasn't In raising the
chickens and eggs, but in selling them.
Our farm was several miles from the
shipping station and the shipping station
was many miles from a good chicken
market. By the time shipping expenses
were paid there wasn't much in the way
of profit.
"So I decided to try something that
would not be so expensive In getting to
market. That Spring the hired man dug
up seven young foxes. They were little
beauties and It seemed a pity to destroy
them for the misdeeds of their parents,
who we all knew had lived on my poultry
for more than a year.
"Finally we decided to keep them and
try to raise them for their sklhs. They
proved most Interesting, and before the
time came to sell their pelts I had done
a lot of reading on the subject of rais
ing fur-bearing animals for profit and
decided to keep them and experiment.
"I made a run and three dens of fine
wire netting, according to the directions
given by a breeder of the red fox. feed
ing and caring for my seven experiments
as he advised. The next February there
was an increase of 20 to my flock, and
two of them were silver foxes.
"Of course I felt at once that my for
tune was made. It Is the object of every
fox-breeder to get silver kits. While a
pair of pure red foxes will sell for only
$15. a pair of good silvers will fetch J600.
The silver fox Is nothing but a freak In
color of the common red fox, Just as the
black sheep Is a freak of the common
sheep.
"Though a pair of red foxes may have
a black fox in their Utter and the black
fox may prove to be the parent only of
red foxes, still there Is a pretty good
chance that two silver foxes will have
some of their own kind in each litter, as
such things usually run In families. The
discovery that all my stock came from
a family that produced silvers was like
finding a small gold mine. It decided me
I thought so myself; so I gives 'em
the whole story of how I come to know
about what he waa up to. By that time
we-was cllmbln' the stairs, and as soon
as we finds the right door I -forgets all
about Swlfty In sizin' up Cornelia Ann.
Say, what a difference a little of the
right Kind of dry goods will make In a
girl! won't it? The last I saw of
Cornie she vs wearln' a skirt that
sagged in the back, a punky lid that
might have come off the top of an ash
can, .and ehoes that had. run over at the
heel.
But prosperity had sure blown her
way, and she'd bought a wardrobe to
suit the times. Not that she'd gone
and loaded herself down like she was
a window display. It was Just a cucum
ber green sort of cheese cloth that
floated around her, and there wa'n't a
frill on It except some silvery braid
where the square hole had been
chopped out to let her head and part
of her shoulders through. But at that
It didn't need any Paris tag.
And say, I'd always had an Idea that
Cornelia Ann was rated about third row
back. Seein" the way she showed up
there, though, with all that cinnamon
colored hair of hers piled on top of her
head, and her big eyes gllstenin', I had
to revise the frame up. It didn't take
me long to find out that she'd shook
the shrinkln' violet game. too. She steps
up and gives us the glad hand and the
gurgly Jolly Just as if she'd been doin'
it all her life.
It wa'n't any cheap hangout that
Cornie has tacked her name-plate on,
either. There was expensive rugs on
the floor, and brass lamps hangln' from
the ceilin", and pieces of tin armor hung
around on the walls, with nary a sign
of an oil stove or a foldin' bed.
A lot of folks was already on the
ground. They was swells, too, and
they was floatln' around eo thick that
it was two or three minutes before I
gets a view of what was sittin" under
the big yellow lamp-shade in the cor
ner. Say, who do you guess? Swifty
Joe! Honest, for a minute I thought I
must be havin' a nerve spasm and see
in' things that wa'n't so. But It was
him. all right; big as life, and lookin'
as prominent as a soap ad. on the back
cover of a magazine.
There was plenty of shady places in
the room that he might have picked,
hut he has hunted out the bright spot.
He's sittin' on one of these funny cross
legged Roman stools, with his toes
turned in, and them gridiron pants
pulled up to show about fife Inches of
MacGregor plaid socks. And he has a
satisfied look on his face that I couldn't
account for no way.
Course, I thinks right oft that he's
broke into the wrong ranch, and Is
waitin' for some one to come and show
him the way out. And then, all of a
sudden, I begins to remember things.
You know. It was Swlfty that Cornelia
Ann used to get to pose for her when
ehe had the top floor hack In our build
ing. She made an embossed clay pic
ture of him that Joe used to gaze at
by the hour. And once he showed me
her photo that she'd given him. Then
there was the special Invite he'd been
tellin' me about. Not beln' used to get
tin' such things, he'd mistook that card
to her studio openln' as a sort of pri
vate billy ducks, and he'd built up a
dream about him and her havin' a hand
holdin' session all to themselves.
"Great cats!" thinks I. "Can it be
Cornelia. Ann he's gone on?"
Well, all you had to do to get the
answer was to watch Swlfty follow her
around with his eyes. You'd thought,
findin' himself in a bunch of topnotch
ers like that, and rigged out the way
he was, he'd been feelin' like a green
strawb'ry In the bottom df the basket.
But nothln' of that kind had leaked
through his thick skull. Cornie was
there, and he was there, dressed accord
in' to his own designs, and he was as
contented and happy as a turtle on a
log, believin' the rest of us had only
butted in.
I was feelin' all cut up over his
break, and tryin' 'to guess how Cornie
was standln' it, when she floats up to
me and says:
"Wam't It sweet of Mr. Gallagher to
to give up my poultry and eggs and de
vote my attention entirely to fox farming.
"As both my silvers were females I de
cided to put all the money that I could
safely lay out In buying the very best
silver male fox on the market. There
were not many to be bought, and the best
I could do was one that was not nearly
so beautiful as my own at $300 cash and
a promise of an even division of all the
silver kits he fathered during the first
two years.
"The first year there were no silver
kits in his litter. The second year he ac
cepted a second wife and between the two
families there were three silver klt..
While none of them was as beautiful, as
the mothers they were a decided improve
ment on their father. -
"By dint of scraping and borrowing
from my mother I maiaged to keep all
three, and It has proved about the best
investment I ever made.
"I have now a pair of black foxes who
last February produced four perfect
silvers. It was their first litter, but I
feel reasonably sure that a red kit in
their future families will prove to bein
exception.
"My flock during the last three years
has comprised 30 foxes, and my dens
and runs cover less than an acre of
ground. All my fences are 10 feet high,
of l4-lnch mesh No. 16 galvanized
wire. This netting goes three feet un
der the ground, and has an overdrop of
18 Inches at the top. This overdrop la
a piece of ordinary mesh wire support
ed on oross-pleces nailed to the posts.
"The holes for the foxes should be
about three feet. deep and must be
roofed over In such a way as to turn
the rain. It Is absolutely Imperative
to have the nursery well drained and
perfectly dry. Some fox-breeder line
these holes, but my experience teaches
that It is best to leave that to the
mother, -who oftener than not leaves
the den unlined.
"Feeding Is of course of the greatest
Importance. In the beginning I fol
lowed the advice of a successful breed
er, whose rule was to feed his foxes the
same a his dogay By that he meant he
gave them bread, table scraps and a
little meat.
"To that diet I have added dog bis
cuits and a fox cake made of corn
meal, sour milk, and enough soda to
kill the sour taste in the milk. This
is baked in thin pones and given to the
foxes night and morning. Besides this
bread I give each fox about a pint of
skimmed milk a day and twice a week
about a quarter of a pound of fresh
meat. Too much meat is bad.
"What would be the result of feeding
them fat hens and rabbits, such food as
they live on in the wild state. Is beyond
the limits of my experience. Fortu
nately, I understood enough about ani
mals to know that what they eat In
the wild state Is no guide to what
should be given them when they are in
captivity.
"It Is a great mistake to have your
breeding fox overfat- I never allow
BY
JTWELL FORD
come? Have you seen lilm?"
"Seen him!" says I. "You don't no
tice any bandages over my eyes, do
you? Notice the get-up. Why. he looks
like a section of a billboard."
"Oh, I don't mind his clothes a bit,"
says she. "I think he's real pictur
esque. Besides. I haven't forgotten that
he used to pose for me when hiring
models meant going without meals. I
wish you would see that he doesn't get
lonesome before I have a chance to
speak to him again."
"He don't look like he needed any
chirkin' up." says I, "but I'll go give
him the howdy."
So I trots over to the yellow shade
and ranges myself up In front of him.
"You might's well own up, Swift,"
says I. Is Cornie the one?"
"Uh-huh," says he.
"Told her about it yet?" saye I.
"Ahr. chee!" says he. '.'Give a guy a
chance."
"Sure." saya I. "But go slow, Joey,
go slow."
I don't know how It happened, for all
I told about It was Sadie and Mrs.
Purdy Pell; but it wa'n't long before
everyone In the Joint was next to
Swifty, and was plpin' him oft. They
all has to be introduced and make a try
at gettin' him to talk. For a while he
has the time of his life. Mostly he Just
grins.
The only one that don't fall to what's
up is Cornelia Ann. She gets him to
help her pass out the teacups and the
cake, and tells everyone about ' how
Swifty helped her out on the model
business when she was Uvln' on pickled
pigs' feet and crackers. Fln'lly folks
begins to dig out their wraps and come
up to tell her how they'd had a bully
time. But Joe never makes a move.
Sadie and Mrs. Pell wa'n't in any
hurry, either, and the first thing I
knows there's only the five of us left.
I see Sadie lookln' from Joe to Cornie,
and then passln' Mrs. Pell the smile.
Cornelia Ann sees It. too. and she has a
synopsis of the preeedin' chapters in a
minute. But she don't get flushed a
bit. She Bails over to the coat-room
gets Swifty's lid, and comes luggin' it
out.
"I'm awfully . glad you came, Mr. Gal
lagher," says she, handln' out the bean
pot, "and I hope to see you again when
I have another reception next year."
"Eh?" says Swlfty, like he was wak
in" up from a dream. "Next year! Why,
I thought that "
"Yes, but you shouldn't," ays she.
"Good-night."
Then he sees the hat, aid a light
breaks. He grab the lid and makes a
dash for the door.
"Isn't he Odd?" says Cornelia.
Well, say, I didn't know whether I'd
get word thafnlght that Swlfty had
Jumped off the bridge, or had gone back
to the fusil oil. He didn't do either one,
though; but when he shows up at the
studio next moinln' he was wcarin" his
old clothes, and his face looks like he
was foreman of a lemon grove.
"Ah, brace up, Swifty," says I.
"There' others."
He Just ehakea his head and sighs
and goes off into a corner as It he
wanted to die slow and llngerln".
Then Saturday afternoon, when it
rune off so warm and we begins the
noon shutdown, I thinks I'll take a
little run down to Coney and hear the
frankfurters bark. I wa watchln" 'em
load the boys and girls Into a roller
coaster, when along conies a car that
has somethln' familiar In It. Here's
Swlfty, wearln' his brass-band suit, a
cigar stickin' out of one corner of his
mouth and an arm around a fluffy
haired Flossie girl that was chewln'
gum and wearln' a fruit-basket hat.
They was lookln' happy.
"Say, Swifty," I sings out, "don't for
get about Cornie."
"Ahr, chee!" says he, and off thpy
goes down the chute for another lu
cent ride.
But say, I'm glad all them South
Brooklyn art clothes ain't goin' to be .
wasted.
mine to go above 10 pounds, and rather
prefer them to be two or three pounds
lighter. It is best to keep the mother
in a pen by herself until the kits are
old enough to be independent.
"The quieter she Is kept the better.
"There are usually from four to 10 In
a Utter. They are born blind and as a
rule remain so until the eighth or ninth
day. When they are a month old they
begin to come out and are often as
playful as a litter of young kittens.
"Now I me time to begin to give
them solid food, as the mother will
wean them in their third month, and it
is best for them to be prepared to feed
themselves. By midwinter they attain
their growth, and if kept for breeders
will give their first litter in the follow
ing February or March, when they are
still less than a year old.
"Whllo the fur Is prime In November,
I always leave the gathering of my
pelts until late In December, as It
continues to get fuller, and does not
begin to bleach until a month later.
Fur Is always Improved by cold weath
er and the food supply of the animal
during the Autumn months. Oily food
is especially desirable, fish heads being
about the best that I have tried.
"There Is always a good demand for
fox pelts. . Prime common red pelts
bring from $1 to $5. prime cross from
$5 to $15, prime silver from $75 to $.100.
"At present the demand for good
breeding stock Is so keen that many
fox farmers never sell their pelts.
A fox whose pelt Is worth $100 Is wortii
at least three times that amount for
breeding. My prices for breeders is
about the average, and I sell all I oan
raise, reds at $15 a pair, cross at $75 a
pair, and silvers from $300 to $600.
"How long these prices will hold Is
impossible for anyone to predict with
anything like certainty. It Is my opin
ion, however, that there will be ample
time for many women of this genera
tion to make a comfortable living and
lay up a competence before the demand
r the prices fall off to any consider
able extent."
, A Mistaken Situation.
Brooklyn Life.
A rather elderly gentleman stepped on a
Fifth-avenue car In Pittsburg' about 11
o'clock the other night, and after giving
the conductor explicit directions to .wake
him when the car reached Federal street,
seated himself in a corner and was soon
sound asleep. When he had ridden about
half a dozen blocks beyond Federal street
a sudden lurch of the car wakened him.
Rubbing his eyes, he looked out of the
window and, seeing where he was, angrily
accosted the conductor thus: "Conductor,
why didn't you wake me up as 1 tild
you? Here I am a half-mile past my
house." I
"I did try. sir," responded the con
ductor, "but all I could get you to say
was. 'AH right, Mary, get the children
their breakfast and I'll be down In a
minute.' "