THE SUNDAY OREGOXIAX, PORTLAND. JULY 19, 190S.
IfL
i6lSKE'' "aid th HoUEe Detective.
I hat there'g a lot of talk lately
about the old soldiers on both
Bides holdin" their next meetin" to
gether somewhere. D'ye s'pose they
could get along with one another for a
whole week without fallin' out and
bustln' up in a row?"
"For a whole week?" echoed the Ho
tel Clerk. "Why. LaTry, those old boys
could get along with one another for a
whole season. They kept airly steady
company for four years once on a
stretch, and parted with mutual reluc
tance even then. In from one to seven
minutes after that reunion started
Majah Culporter Hlghtower, of the
Georgia Jtangers, ' would make the
pleasing discovery that Colonel Pea
body Qulncy, of the Fourth Massachu
setts, knew considerable regarding the
proper usage of the fragrant weed
called mint, and had Just as much
reticence about eaying 'when.' while
another gentleman was doing the mix
ing, as If he had been born and raised
In Bourbon County, Ky. And Colonel
Qulncy would learn that a stranger
wearing the button of the Loyal Legion
In plain view c,ould actually walk
through the residential section of
Charleston, S. C, without being am
bushed with a double-barreled shotgun
or a copy of Hardee's Tactics from the
i upper bedroom windows of one of the
old families. And tbey'd reach an
agreement that what happened at the
second Bull Run just about balanced
off what happened at the first Bull
Run, so what was the use of saying
anything more about it, anyway? The
Boston Ancients and Honorables would
be swapping recipes for making punch
with the Richmond Howitzers, and test-
lng name as they went along. The
surviving officers of Morgan's Cavalry
would come pouring In I use that
I word pour advisedly, Larry come
i pouring in from the Blue Grass coun
I try with a few epare demijohns dis-
posed about the baggage-car, and then
1 they'd opn proceedings 'open' Is an
other good word In this connection
and In half an hour there wouldn't be
a dry eye or a corkscrew In the hall.
Anybody who went snooping around
looking for the dividing line between
JVorth and South would And It in the
neighborhood of the tonsils. Get along
together? "Why, a sotting of eggs
would ho a riotous and disorderly as
semblage alongside that bunch of old
vets."
"Well, wuzn't the breach healed
more'n 40 years ago, anyway?" said the
House Detective.
"Larry, I've been hearing about the
healing of that breach ever since I was
a small boy," said the Hotel Clerk.
"They healed it every time the Gov
ernor of a Northern State went down
South to dedicate a battlefield monu
ment, and it would stay nice and healed
until he could get back home and tell
his own people that while the South
erners appeared to be well-meaning,
and had many of the customs of civil
ized nations, still their vaunted hospi
tality would come with much better
grace if so blamed many of them
wasn't plzcn Democrats or words to
that effect, and we could never hope to
have a-truly united country until the,
strong arm of the Government at
Washington had been Invoked around
election time to the end that we might
once more enjoy the glorious blessings
of a few of those dear old time Rxither
ford B: Hayes majorities in the Black
Belt: only he wouldn't say Black
he'd say Afro-American-Colored Repub
lican Belt. And it would be healed
some more by the prize speaker from
the -yellow-pine section at the annual
BY JIM NAStL'M. '
WKt.U dad,'
he pluiike
the seat
Kt.L, dad," said the Kid as
nked down heavily in
heslde the "Old
Pporl." I see. the Kvenlng Express says
that I'm to be shipped back to the minors
for another year's seasoning. I guess
the icuy who ground out that dope can't
ee that I've been playing rings around
a lot of those old stiffs In the big leagues
who are hanplng onto their Jobs with
their past reputations."
"Now, KM, don't jump your governor
belt." replied the Old Sport. "Take it
from Inf. success in tills old dump of
a world is simply failure kicked to pieces
by hard work and persistent plugging,
whether you aspire to be the chief head
light among baseball stars, grand divi
sion superintendent of the financial world
or a champion prize fiehtcr. You can
take my tip that the guy who js splat
tering so much brilliancy around the map
that the rest of the world has to wear
smoked glasses when they come into the
full glare of his presence is a jewel that
has been polished by friction on a rough
surface. Men are a thundering lot like
diamonds; you can't polish out the flaws
and show up their true brilliancy with
a soft sponge; it takes grinding and
rouch usage.
"Take il from me. Kid. you can't score
a succeiis in this world by cutting bases.
And the guy who has missed any bags
on his way to the glad goal had a
blamed sight belter take the back track
and hang up there till he' batted in than
take any chances on a putout. In the
game of life every run Is an earned run,
. and the guy who scores on a fluke will
be forgotten when the official averages
eome out. I know that when a guy
gets to the top the world hands out
the slush that his career has been a
sort of continual performance of suc
cesses, but you can take my tip that
a thundering lot of those successes are
made-over failures. And let me tell you.
Kid. the success that has been ham
mered out of a failure will outwear any
thing on the market.
"President Grant's life was a monu
mental failure until after he had passed
the meridian, and the business and finan
cial world is splattered with failures built
over Into successes. And getting down
Into your own particular line of work.
Kid. some of the biggest successes In the
game are failures made over. The
world's champion Chicago Cubs are made
up of a bunch of discards from othei1
teams, some of whom had been shipped
convention of the Wholesale Lumber
Dealers of North America, who'd do so
with tears In his accents, except that
along toward the last he'd feel con
strained to add, in justice to his be
loved Southland, that if there was with
in the sound of his voice any black rad
ical eawmill operator from Minnesota
or somewhere up there, who felt In
clined to defend Ben Butler's outrag
eous conduct at New Orleans in the
Spring of 1864, he could get an argu
ment on the proposition with any tools
he might select, from damage suits to
coast artillery, biting and gouging per
mitted. (Loud cheers and hisses.)
"And that was the way it went, Larry.
We closed the breach for the war with
Spain and on many other occasions, and
reopened it slightly, from time to time,
if somebody wanted to pull a force bill
through Congress or a dispassionate lady
historian from Northern New Hampshire
felt like writing a magazine article on
Andersonville. All true patriots from all
sections felt it their duty to heal the
breach, but every properly-taught South
ern household subscribed to a non-partisan
publication printed at Nashville,
Tenn., that ran the proceedings of the
Confederate Congress as a serial and had
a cover design showing a Confederate
cavalryman nine feet high, with Charles
E. Hughes whiskers and gauntlet gloves
and hip boots and a drawn sword and a
plume in his hat, leaning gracefully up
against an - art noveau design of dead
Yankees arranged In tiers, while In the
background U. S. Grant might be ob
served climbing a tree in a state of great
disorder.
"At the .same time in the parlor of
every well organized country residence
from Cairo, 111., to all points north, you
could find over the mantelpiece, flanked
by the photograph of Uncle Lish in his
annual collar and the plaster of Paris
fruit piece, a large rich chromo entitled
''Chickamauga," which depicted three he
roic Union privates, two white and one
colored with bloody bandages around their
heads and arms. In the act of chasing sev
eral regiments of unpleasant ruffians in
gray coats down a steep mountain.
"I guess you could still find quite a few
of those works of art if you traveled down
the rural free delivery routes hunting for
'em, Larry. But it wasn't the old boys
themselves that went around all these
long years picking the stitches out of the
breach every time some silver-tongued
orator who was thinking about running
for office had deftly sewed it up. That
was a lady's job, and tney mostly left it
to the ladies. I shudder to think where
we'd all be now if the Civil War had been
fought by the ladies on both sides, espe
cially those of them that were born sub
sequent to the close of hostilities. It'd
still be going on I guess. And some of the
young fellows that came into the world
after Lee's surrender have also been per
fect fire brands. You could go to a state
convention of the Veterans and find some
old fellow with a gimpy leg telling the
other comrades how he swapped coffee
for chewing tobacco with a mighty nice
fellow that crawled over from the trenches
In front of Petersburg, but if you stepped
around to where the Sons of Veterans
were in session you stood a chance of hav
ing the eyebrows soared off your defense
less face by the burning denunciations
laimed at the late Jeff Davis by some
bright young warrior who hoped to be
elected County Attorney as soon as he
was old enough,
?Vou see, Larry, the boys who went to
the front back yond in 1S61 or there
abouts were the first to discover that the
Impetuous commander who started out ,to
march from Washington City to Pensa
cola, Fla., without stopping, was liable
to be unavoidably detained on the way;
also that It was frequently quite hard for
one Southerner to lick five Northerners
unless some few of them happened to be
hack to the mirrors, and on every team
In the big leagues you'll find stars who
have been labeled N. G. and sent back
to the grass by some team, and they've
kicked their failures Into splinters and
built It over Into a success.
"Hans Lohert, the bow-legged Dutch
man that every team in the National
League has been trying to buy from Cin
cinnati, was tin-canned by Chicago and
nobody wanted to take a chance on him.
George McQuillan, the sensation of the
National League pitching force this sea
son, was shipped back to the minors as
unripe for the Phillies last year. He
is back with the Phillies this year clean
ing them all up. toy Thomas was hand
ed his unconditional release by the Phil
lies as all in. and since being picked from
among the discards by Pittsburg he has
made a pennant possibility of a team
that bad been wised around as being out
of the race. Charley Hickman has been
tin-canned by nearly every team on the
baseball map. and he Is now back win
ning games for Cleveland with his long
hits, and the Cleveland team is a pen
nant contender with 12 men in the bunch
who have been picked from the discards
of others. Cy Seymour. Spike Shannon,
Orvll Overall. Otto Heps. Bill Donovan,
Otto Knahe, Fred Beebe, Jimmy Sheck
ard. Patsy Flaherty, Cy Berger, Andy
Coakley, Bill Hlnchman, Josh Clarke. I
could keep right on till the cows come
home naming you baseball stars of today
who were once sent back to the minors
or labeled N. G., and handed the tin
can. "But these stars. Kid. have all been
guys who didn't keep their failure for a
relic of what might have been, but
kicked it to pieces to see what it was
made of and get wise to the punk snots.
The trouble with most kids In this world
Is that when they get a jolt on the Jaw
they cover up and stall . for the bell. In
stead of plugging away to even uj the
score.
"Now, Kid, you may be right when
you hand out the dope that you are
playing rings around a lot of old guys:
that Is. as far as the show before the
public Is concerned. But let .me hand1
you the tip that these old boys have a
blamed sight more goods stored behind
the scenes than you have, and the public
don't seem to be able to see them. But
let me tell you that these goods stored
In the loft of the veterans sometimes
called has-beens by the Ignorant public,
have a thundering lot to do with the
success of a team.
"They may be all In as far as mechan
ical ability Is concerned, but their noodle
makes them a valuable asset to a team
IN WHICH HE SHOWS THAT SUCCESS IN THIS WORLD IS SIMPLY FAILURE KICKED T
; IKIN' S.COBB.
raB
rlA pi - mm m$MWM
. WEED CALLED , -iV -. 4 WV I
very young or else crippled up. The Vets
had opportunity for observing these things
that were unfortunately denied the chosen
orator of the younger and I might say the
fiercer generation, that we now see going
around with his features ajar until he
looks like a half portion of cantaloupe In
the face, talking about the mistakes of
Meade's campaign.
"So it wouldn't be as much trouble for
the old boys to get comfortable in one
another's society as It might be for the
members of the A. J. Beveridge and Gov
ernor Vardaman rival schools of eloquence
to mingle sociably. And anyway the old
soldier shines out brightest at a re-union
these times. It's-about, the only chance
he's got left, to occupy the center of the
stage now that so many of the young
chaps who know how to organize a dis
trict have succeeded in taking the prima
ries away from the old gentlemen, who'd
always been accustomed to running their
political races on the legs they left at
Gettysburg.
"And these times when the country Is
fast going to destruction right up until
RIGHT "WUt
TflrRD FUR 013
".01S&.
lonsr after their arms are planted In the i
grave yard of. the has-beens. So don't
get it into your knot jst because you i
can cover a little more ground and whip
I ! if rara-TYPi-oF-HrnoS'
' ' '
election day but recovering the day after,
and when Socialism is rampant, especially
among those newly-landed rampanters
from Rampantica who haven't any votes
yet and everything else unpleasant like
them across the diamond better than
some of the old boys that you've sot
'em chased off the boards. If you'll just
look around and keep your eye peeled
that, I kind of think. Larry, it would not
be such an awful bad thing for all con
cerned If we could see the old boys from
both sides of that breach of ours stumping
along side by side. But it wouldn't do
you'll notice that it isn't these 'old stiffs
as you call 'em, who are blowing up in
the pinches. They've been In too many
of 'em, and you know 'familiarity breeds
contempt A kid may blow into the big
leagues and play his head off on every
chance that comes his way, and he'll
make the rest of the team look as if
they were tied to a post, and the gang
in the stands will get to hugging the
dope that he's the -whole show. But take
It from-me, that the only thing that is
required in baseball is to get your man,
and the kid w:ho lets out all his speed
and shines like a new tin pan on every
chance may get the fans to thinking
that he's a whole three-ringed circus and
double hippodrome under one tent, but
he's mighty apt to foozle in the pinches
and 'he isn't half as valuable an orna
meut to a team as the veteran with the
candy arm 'who saves what little he has
left for the pinches and times his speed
so he just manages to nose out his man.
"So, Kid, take my tip and beat It back
to the grass, and don't get it into your
knot that youjre shooting the chutes to
the down-and-out club. If you rip that
blue papering out of your garret you'll
come back to fast company a wiser guy.
There's one thing I want to stow away in
your belfry, and that is that in this old
dump of a world you've got to pull off a
thundering lot of good deeds before they
begin to be noticed, but one punk stunt
Will stick out on your record like a mole
on the sweet girl graduate's nose. It
takes a thousand good deeds to balance
one bad one. It's a cinch Job to make
the world believe that a good man is a
thief,- but you'll have a thundering hard
job when you start to advertise a thief as
a good man. It's human nature the
world over, and It's the same in baseball.
One costly error In a pinch will get more
notice from the papers and the fans than
a dozen good plays that preceded it.
So it doesn't matter how much a kid
shines, he's got to bo steadied in ' the
school of experience before he's the real
velvet goods. And while the manager
Isn't giving his hand away, m put you
next to the fact that he can see under
the skin far enough to know that you've
got the goods, and all you need is to get
down in the cellar for a season and dust
them off so you can put them in your
show windows.
"Now, Kid, while we are on the subject,
I want to hand you another tip. You're
a good natural hitter, as good as has
butted Into fast company for many a
season, but you're not showing it cause
you're hitting with your hitting ability in
stead of your brains. I know that a lot
of guys hand out the slush that good hit
Andy Carnegie's Society for the Promotion
of Universal Peace aoy real good at that,
when you come to think about It."
"Why not?" asked the House Detective.
"Because," said the Hotel Clerk, "every
ters are like poets and are "born and not
made and that the big stickers In the big
leagues are guys who slammed the leather
around the cinder dumps when they were
kids, smashed the boards off the outfield
fence In the minors, and kept right on
lambasting the pitchers when they hit the
big show. This is largely true, but take
It from me there's a lot of guys who lost
the ball on the cinder dumps and kept
the groundkeepers in the minors working
overtime on the outfield fences who quit
hitting when stacked tip against the real
performance.
"The main trouble with these guys who
hand out the slush that a hitter. is born
and not made Is that they select their ex
amples from the guys who prove their
rule, and pass ip the ones who put a
crimp in it. Take it from me. Kid. some
hitters are born and some are made, and
others are both born and made. You are
of the latter type! you're a born hitter,
but you'll also have to be made. Willie
Keeler, Harry Davis, Hal Chase and a
bunch of 'em are of the same type, so you
pee ou are in good company.
"Now, you've got a natural batting eye,
which Is the only legacy necessary for a
good hitter to bring into the world with
him, but take it from me that there are
a thundering lot of weak stickers who
have good batting eyes. To hit good In
fast company you've got to use the brains
that lie behind that batting eye, and right
there is where you and a great big bunch
of other guys who are playing ball are
shy.
"Free hitters of the Hans "Wagner type
are the born hitters, and they are as
scarce as snow balls ac a Fourth of July
celebration. Hans hits wild pitches over
the palings just as easy as he does the
balls that come in the groove. The Wil
lie Keeler type, who chops them "where
they aint, are the made hitters, and any
guy with a good eye can do the same if
he uses his noodle and works at it.
"Now, you're getting in the same rut
that is already overcrowded, by grabbing
your stick at the end and laying back for
a hard swing. You're hitting them hard,
too, and you imagine that it is hard luck
because they don't go safe. But let me
tell you it is punk pelting.
"You'll notice that hard hitters usually
hit certain pitchers to the same field, and
the fielders get onto him and lay for his
swats and eat 'em up as fast as he reels
'em off. And that's what they're doing
to your batting average right now in
spite of this hard luck dope you're hug
ging. If a lot of you guys who have been
blessed by the Almighty sticking a good
batting eye in your noodle would only
choke your stick and drive the ball into
the open spots you'd hit about .100 better.
boy in America would be wanting to join
the "army in the hope of getting Into a
war that could turn out such a bunch of
survivors as our old Blue and Gray fellows."
"This free hitting is all right on the
dumps where the fielders don't play for
the batter, but you've got; to outguess the
fielder when you hit fast company. And
you can take it from me that if there
was more place hitting in batting prar-tlce
instead of the common practice of step
ping up and slamming 'em out, there
would be bigger batting averages and less
howling about the foul strike rule.
"So, Kid, if you're to go back to the
primer class, just take my tip and prac
tice playing ball with your head Instead
of overworking your hands and feet, and
take it from me when you hit the big
show next season you'll stick. The guy
who plays, with bis head will be winning
games for his team long after his physical
powers have gone into decay, while the
kid who has nothing but mechanical abil-
ity may be a star for a season or two.
tnen his arm or his batting eye goes on
the bum and he has to hunt up a job
ten d i n g bar. Look over the 11 st and
you'll see that the veterans who are stick
ing in the game today while their com
panions of the past are down and out are
the guys who use their noodles. Go back
to the grass. Kid, and get wlse.'t
A Constant Reminder.
He had Just presented her with a
pug.
"Oh, thank you, thank you. Algyf"
she gushed. "It is so like you!"
Wlzardr.
New York Sun.
The world holds many a wizard crw.
Hidden in beauty, wreathed in flowers,
But I'm (ure. of all you evr knew.
There was never another Ilka this of ours.
Sorrow, and shame, and want, and rin
Th- will spread thm all before your vm:
Tou will see where the murkv streams bgin.
You will watch the rivers swell and rise.
They will open the doors of the home of
wealth
Though you do not enter, your eye shall
see;
"Words spoken, deedj that are done by stealth
Shall sweep through the citiesv unloosed
and free.
The marchingranks and the stately ships
That guard the outposts and keep the land.
The words that fall from the Statesman' Mps,
They spread before you, at your command.
They will bring the wheat fields to your door
The stately wheat, with its golden spears;
For you they will learn the country's lore.
And count the cornfields' myriad ears.
From far they repeat the forest's call
And the dying sigh of the slaughtered pine;
They bring the roar of the waterfall
And the spell of the trout and the whirring
. line.
And now we will leavw their ipell with you
Beware! you shall feel it ere you think;
Fo this Is one of the wizard crew
That dwell and hides In a drop of Ink.
Ninette M. Lo water,