The Sunday Oregonian., July 12, 1908, Magazine Section, Page 9, Image 55

THE SUNDAY OREGOXIAS". PORTLAND. JULY 12, 1903.
9
m
"I
SEE there's been somethin' said
about Taft not standin' on his
porch this Summer and makln'
speeches,' said the House Detective to
the Hotel St. Reckless.
"I'm glad of it." said the Hotel Clerk.
"It wouldn't look right. Taft's got a
swell front porch all right. Did you ever
see htm? Well. he;s got one of the room
iest circular fr,ont porches of any states
man in the business. I don't know
whether it's as big as It was before he
began reducing himself, but It's plenty
bis:. It extends out over the foundations
like an Italian balcony, running thence
In a series of hanging gardens in a
northerly direction to where it meets his
last and his second to his last chins. It's
Indeed an edifice with a noble shape to
It, Is Taft's front porch, and an ordinary
frock coat la no more than a half-awning
for It. But it wouldn't do for him to
stand on It this Summer, making
speeches. In the first place, he's no con
tortionist his running mate may be, but
Taft's not and in the second place, how
would It look for the chosen champion
of a great party for the most august
place In the gift of the people, a man
who must carry through this harassing
campaign the policies of Roosevelt and
340 pounds of his own and Jim Sherman
how would it look for him to be stand
ing on his pergola, with one foot caught
negligently in his watch pocket and the
other slipping up and down the terrace
scraping all the buttons off his vest, while
endeavoring to properly elucidate the
questions of the day, and maybe of the
next day, unless Teddy should wire dif
ferently over night, to a visiting delega
tion from the Samuel J. Gompers Su
preme Court Altering. Basting and Fit
ting Union, of Piqua, Ohio?
"It wouldn't look right at all, Larry.
And It won't be done, either It will be
Taft's duty to remain anchored where
he is, like a sturdy captive balloon, as
you might say, with not too much gas
aboard and just the right amount of
sand, handing out at Intervals a few se
lected lines of specially sterilized wisdom
such as a truly careful candidate always
hands out as election day draws near,
and save his strength. It promises to be
a hard-wearing strain, especially on
Brother Charles P. Taft's checkbook, and
it behooves the nominee to hold his own
forces in reserve."
"Bryan'll be on the stump, won't he?"
asked the House Detective.
"To be sure." said the Hotel Cleik.
1 "Ever since that historic day 12 years
ago. when he fed the Crown of Thorns
to Grover Cleveland and David B. Hill,
one thorn at a time, he's been almost
constantly on the stump, or up one.
Bryan belongs on the stump just the
same as a canary bird belongs on a perch.
BY JIM NASIUM.
ELL," said "Rube," the big
pitcher, "if things keep on at
this rate they'll be moving the
pitcher back to the second bag In order
to give the hitters a chance. Guess may
be us pitchers are going bad this year,
huh? With the bl hitters of other years
hitting around the .200 notch. Tou don't
see many games these days with either
team hitting In double figures. We've
sure got the Indian sign on the hitters,
and I guess that shows where the grains
are planted on the baseball lot. I tell you
If other departments of the game had
kept up with the pace set by the pitchers
you wouldn't see guys with a .320 aver
age leading the league In bitting. And
you can take it from me that if the
pltchers'weren't packing around the best
noodle the teams would be hitting like
they used to instead of only having a
half dozen in the .300 class. Guess we're
too fast for the rest of you dough-heads,
and you'd better get a wiggle on." Rube
stuck out his chest like a bay window
on a third-story flat as he got this out
of his system.
"Guess maybe us guys who are diguing
m out of the dirt and going up Into the
milky way to pull down hits don't get
any credit for the low batting averages
then, do we?" replied Shorty. "Guess
maybe they wouldn't be hitting all kinds
of double figures against you. Rube, if
we'd pull In our fins and quit stretching
our spinal cmumns so much to kill hits."
"Well," put in the Old Sport." "you
guys could argue that question till the
cows come home, and wouldn't get any
.nearer the answer than you would to
telling the exact age af Ann. Tou
hear 'a howl all around the circuit
about the weak hitting tn the games
this year, and whenever a sporting
'writer hasn't anything else to do and
finds time dragging heavily on his
hands he sit down and writes a double
column story on how to make the
game more attractive by Improving the
hitting. They dump a lot of dope in
the public trough about the fans being
hungry for home runs and the ring of
the bat. They shove It Into us with
every revolution of the printing press
that pitchers' battles aren't popular,
and on the same page they tell us
that the attendance at the local games
exceeds anything they've known for
years.
"These writers tell us that lots of
hitting makes fast fielding, which Is
(rue as gospel, but Just the same fast,
fielding also keeps down the hits, and
If you keep your eye peeled you'll no
tice that It's the assists and putouts
that's keeping down the hits this sea
son and not the strike-outs. Every
time a batter goes out some fielder Is
making a play. And If you Just look
up statistics a little you'll notice that
In spite of the fact that we've, now
got the foul strike rule that often
puts two strikes on a batter, when
under the old rules he wouldn't have
any, there are fewer strlke-outs In
games today than there used to be.
And if- that doesn't prove that the
players are hitting the ball I'll eat my
lid. .
"Now, fellows, I've looked the gams
over from the days In the mellow past
when they used to take flies In the
outfield on the first bounce, and you
tin take it from me that the fielders
-day are eating alive swats that used
He can take his meals there and think i
up his strongest thoughts there and I
suppose In a case of necessity he could
go to sleep there. He'd rather travel
on the rear end and make all stops than
to block up the rlght-of-wa-r Tn the drawing-room
section of the Twentieth Cen
tury Limited, with his feet resting on
one of Mrs. . Pullman's drawn-work
throws. Say what-you please about him,
but William Jennings Bryan Is the best
friend the flag stations of this country
ever had. And If anybody shomd ask
you, he hasn't slighted the places where
they pull up to water the engine, either.
If there Is an audience on hand or one
forming. Others may tear carelessly by
In their Imperialistic pomp, surrounded
by coon porters and plush upholstery and
hard-finished tidies across the back seat,
but as for Bryan, give him but the op
portunity to expound the Immortal Jef
f arson Ian doctrines to those residing In
the shadow of the stop-look-listen sign,
hard by the grade crossing, and he is
well content, especially If he's got a good,
new immortal Jeffersonian doctrine that
came to him since they made the last
turn up the road.
"No, Larry, Bryan's not one of that
haughty school of through-vestibuled.
Pintsch-gas statesman, that stop on signal
only. They tell me the first sibulanthlss
of an airbrake slowing down will In
stantly bring him out of the soundest
slumber with his tie properly tied and
the palm of the left hand thrust in be
tween the second and third buttons of
the coat. It's never been necessary for
Mr. Bryan to leave a call with the night
clerk. He's shown that by the way he
beats out some other party to a nomina
tion from time to time. Whether It's
the back platform of the rear day coach
of the Pewee Valley accommodation, or
the platform of his party In convention
assembled, you'll find William Jennings
Bryan stepping on it and occupying most
of the available space long before the
brakeman can get his stool down along
side the step and begin helping off the
passengers that ain't going any further
along that line. So we can feel reason
ably safe, Larry, in assuining that Mr.
Bryan, having got his hand In, stumping
the Johnson boom in Minnesota, will soon
be stumping the rest of the country.
"I s'pose we'll have Mr. Hearst in the
forum too, as soon as all his poor, tired
copy readers and zealous circulation man
agers and faithful out-of-town agents and
a few invited guests can get together out
at Chicago and nominate him for Presi
dent 01 Governor or whatever It lshe's
going to run for this year. When It comes
to being what you might call a profes
sional nominee, William Jennings hasn't
got much on William Randolph, and as
for William Howard, he's out of the run-
IN WHICH HE TELLS ABOUT SOME BASEBALL RECORDS AND CASTS SOME
to go as clean, healthy hits. Take my
tip, the foul strike rule isn't shrink
ing batting averages half as much as
the faster fielding, and the best way
to bring back the hard-hitting days
of past ages Is to hopple each fielder
to a stake, so he can't cover so much
territory.
"But they can howl about us not
having enough hitting In the games to
day till they're blue behind the gills,
if they want to, but you can take It
from me that the only kind of hitting
Spike- Shannon- pulled
OUcO-A-clPEaATOB.'
Tfl.TYDn"n.TYr7 ATI " y .,
v inur ULtav m 1
the fans enjoy Is when the home team
le doing it. When the other fellows
bang out IS hits In a game you'll find
them feeling pretty blamed blue about
the Increase In hitting. I've got a
good-sized hunch that the only In
crease In hitting that the fans desire
Is for the home team to do the Increas
ing." "Now, In regard to the many expla
nations of the weak hitting this year
that are floating around over the coun
try, let me tell you that there hasn't
been a blamed one that I've seen that
has hit the nail on the head. I may
be wrong, but I've grot aa good a right
to my guess as the rest of 'em, and I
guess It comes about as near being
the true dope as some of the slush
you get dumped at you anyway, co
here's my guess; Tou may have read
at the opening of the season where a
guy up In New England some place
. . - v v.. . - ,.M-4-!:--.!i.. . ... i .--
slammed out a three-base hit and then
dropped dead. Now, I've got a hunch
that guy has done more to shrink bat
ting averages this year than all the
sling shovers in the business and the
foul-strike rule combined. The play
ers read about this guy dropping dead
after knocking out a three-base slam
and they're all afraid to take chances.
Most all ballplayers would sooner plug
along right on this little old earth with
a .200 batting average than to chase
himself into the New Jerusalem with a
itl
1. A
.400 . average for St. Peter's benefit.
They'd sooner strike out and be able to
go borne and eat supper than to climb
the Golden Stairs on a three-base hit.
They'd far rather plug right along
through this old dump of a world with
an ambition unfruitloned and have the
world say they're a bum bunch of hit
ters than to have people coming' around
to the house saying, 'doesn't he look
natural!'
"And let me tell you that there's a
bunch of ballplayers not a thousand
miles away from here that will be
pretty strong and healthy when the
season closes If they keep on at their
present gait. And even If they would
start to hit, take it from me that It
would be the home fans that would
drop dead Instead of the players. The
surprise would create a frightful mor
tality among the baseball going pub
lic." "Well," Interjected the Kid, "I guess
(VM
' IH III I Mill II II
you don't see many of the rest of 'em
breaking any records either, do you?"
"Maybe not," replied the Old Sport,
"the hitting records He mouldy and
mildewed with age along the misty
aisles of change, and are but ghosts
of a dead past. You will never again
see players pull off the swatting
stunts that Ed Delehanty and Bobby
Lowe did "when they slammed out four
home runs In one game, and Delehanty
copped his four in one game against
Chicago, too. ,
"Another record of the mellow past,
when the King of Swat reigned, is the
one 'Doggy" Miller, the old Pittsburg
catcher, copped, when he slammed out
two bome-runs In one Inning. But I
think the long hitting record that has
them all skinned is the one made by
old Roger Connor. Now, don't laugh
and think that I'm kidding you, but
that big guy actually knocked a ball
fiom Philadelphia to New York, and
til at' s no nature fake.
"It was in a game at the old Phillies'
grounds, and Roger cuught one fair on
the note and slammed it over the lence
aid across Broad street and down to
the railroad tracks at Huntlngton
street station, wnere a train was Just
pulling out for New York. John I.
Rogers was on the train, and when the
bail I.oger hit came smashing through
the window of tl'e coach in which he
tat, he picked it up a"d took It to New
York anu the ball never stopocd going
from the time it left the bat till it
landed In Jersey City. Can yon beat It?
"I want to tell you boys, that's hit
ting some, if he did have to ring in an
express train to help him out.
"And getting; down' to the present
diy. fellows, 'Spike' Shannon pulled off
a play In an exhibition game at New
ark, N. J., that has fiction skinned a
mile. You've heard the little exaggera
tion about the 'rooters dropping dead'
when so-and-s irajfi a star play that
robbed them of the game. Well, It re
mained for his 'spikelets to pull off
this stunt In real life, thereby proving
that 'truth Is stranger than fiction.'
Last Spring, when the New York
Giants were playing an exhibition
game In Newark, 'Spike turned a com
plete somersault over the outfield ropes
and pulled down a long drive at a criti
cal point In the game, and a spectator
out In the bleachers jumped to his
feet and fell down deader than a
mackerel. That Is the first time I've
ever heard of this stunt being pulled
off outside of the hot air that is hand
ed out by the sporting; writers, and
"Spike' has set a new standard of per
fection in fielding. However, there
aren't many people over In New York
who are dropping dead these days over
the feats the Giants are pulling off.
"Clarence Beaumont also copped a
record that Is likely te stard for soma
time when he was with Pittsburg.
'Beau' got five clean hits In one game
without putting the ball outside of the
diamond, and let me tell you that's
beating 'em out some. And the best
feature about "Beau's hitting at that
time was that hs was likely to step
up In the next game and hit the
fence at every swipe. The game hasn't
produced many who could . keep the
fielders guessing as to whether he was
going to lay It down or slam It ou; of
LIGHT ON THE ORIGIN OF
the county like "Beau' could when he
was rlght."
"Well," broke In the manager, "you'll
always find It the case that 'distance
linds enchantment to the view.' The
marvelous performances In everything
have always been in the past. It takes
a perspective view down the misty
aisles of change to show up the halo,
and take It from me a lot of the stunts
we never think about today will be
spoken of as marvelous 20 years from
now. But you'll notice, in spite of all
this slush about weak hitting- killing
the game, that It Isn't getting so .all
flred unpopular that -we can't go rignt
ahead packing the grounds till the
fence boards bulge out."
"I should say not," replied the Old
Sport. "And light here is a news item
that the Judges of the Naturalization
Court in Norrlstown, Pa., have consid
ered a foreigner legally fit for natural
ization as soon as hs showed that he
was familiar with the standing of all
the clubs in both major leagues. And
let me tell you that when the official
standing ' of the baseball teams and
questions pertaining to the game take
the place of the old form of examina
tion before the Naturalization Court
it comes pretty near getting; to the top
bv3WIN,S:,C0BB
nlng altogether. He's a rank amateur
anil the other two'U look down on him, I
have no doubt. There'll be doings when
Hearst takes the stump,, for he has all
the forceful oratory and strong personal
magnetism . of a frozen fish. He's the
kind of speaker you can go to hear and
then go straight home and not care If
you never hear another word spoken
above a whisper as long as you live."
"I s'pose there'll be a lot of mud-
sllngln', now that both the big tickets Is
made up." said the House Detective.
"We do have a pleasiiur habit in this
country of showing up a man's trifling
Imperfections of character and person
when he enters politics, don't we?" said
the Hotel Clerk. "Our campaign civili
ties ae invariably marked by a charming
spirit of candor that's just as pleasant as
skinning a man alive with a dull pair of
scissors. And we have such a way about
us of finding out those little things In a
gent a past life. He reads what the Con
gressman from his home district said In
nominating him and he fills up with a
double-yolk dignity and 80-candle-power
Importance and he shoves his chest out
until he has a front elevation like a
Jumbo squab, and he feels like the orator
of the evening looks while sitting up on
the rostrum listening to the remarks of
the president of the self-help Club In
troducing him to an audience composed
of the elite and culture of Anthracite
Junction, Pa. You know, Larry, how the
orator of the evening always looks on
such occasions?
"And then thtie comes a loud, rushing,
rending sound like a hurricane hitting a
plank walk and the next instant the can
didate la feeling as naked as a frank
furter and as popular as a smallpox pa.
tlent, and he's enjoying those same de
lightful sensations that a modest man
has in his sleep when he dreams he's
been suddenly dropped down at a public
place among a lot of h's society friends,
attired In such a manner as to qualify
him to sing 'None of Them Have Any
thing on Me' as a vocal solo. What's the
trouble? Oh, merely the opposition press
looking Into -the private record of the
chosen tribune of the people.
"But don't think It'll be that way with-
the two most prominent Williams this
time, Larry. We know all about both of
them already. One of them's been before
the public many yeurs and the other's
been behind the returns for practically
the same length of time. As for Mr.
Hearst, I have a, notion he may be able
to induce his own papers to speak a dif
fident word ot kindness for him once In a
great while."
"Will Wall street be for Taft if he car
THE GAME.
among - American Institutions, and
that's no idle dream.
"And take my tip, the public Is In
wrong in regard to the origin of the
game of baseball, too. The ignorance
regarding our National game that is
splattered around Is something fierce.
IrTHEMNT-Tll.
BRING-BACK-THE-0L1
MRD-HITTING-DAYS-'
FlLLDERa-TQ-A
5TAKL
Now, I've been digging Into the moull
and decay of past ages and I want to
toll you that I can show you a bunch
of cast-Iron proofs that go to show that
baseball is probably the oldest institu
tion on earth, and that the origin of the
game in America was simply a reviving
of a game of fhe earliest periods
known to man.
"Now, the very first words in the
Bible, our first history of the Creation
(Genesis, lv. 1 chapter), tells us that
in the big-inning Heaven and Earth
were created. They couldn't have had
a big Inning without a ball game. Then
the good book tells us that Eve stole
first, and Adam stole second, and that
Cain killed Abel because hs sacrificed
successfully. Then it tells us that Re
becca took a pitcher to the well, that
Noah shut-out the wicked just before
the rain came down In torrents, that
the Roman 'Empire' was overthrown.
and that Samson hit well against the
Philistines with the Jawbone of an ass.
- ( rn gonna
KICK FUR H
more rope.) ytm&
ries out all of Teddy's policies?" asked
the House Detective.
"It will be If he carries them all out
and buries them," said the Hotel Clerk.
The M'rlting pome.
It 1 "hard to establish a family on a lit
erary man's Income. Rudyard Kipling.
Denver Republican.
If the plainest of all cinches that no man
should try to write
'Less he wants to travel streetcar, with aa
auto appetite;
Two dollars don't bur much, when you've
old a merry quip.
And It's hard to pay the butcher with a
blue rejection slip.
When you've tried to hit the public with a
Summer-time romance.
And you've picked the style and setting
that you think will have a chance.
Then you learn that kind of reading stands
upon most woooty legs
And a novel that's a dead one doesn't
gather hams and eggs.
Then you try a melodrama that Is startling
ana unique;
Ton ere sure & trip to Europe will be yours
In just a week;
AH the critics vote It Piffle, and the word
Is underscored
And a play that's been hoarse-hooted can
not be exchanged for board.
And suppose that you are lucky, and gel
fifty cents a word
Some sharper gets your money with a
swindle that's absurd,
For literature and mousy never CAX get
very thick;
Do not write, if you are healthy and can
wield a spade or pick.
The SpitbeU Hero.
Chicago Record-Herald.
A few weeks ago at a baseball game Miss
Florene Sausser, aged H, of Lebanon, Ohio,
said to Earl Tingling, of the Dayton team;
"Strike that man out and I'll marry you."
Tingling fanned the batter and won the
game and the girl. Baltimore News.
Why speak In praise of Launcelot, .
Or ef the sword he carried?
Some goodly fights by him were fought,
.Some hard blows deftly parried;
He jousted very well, no doubt;
He had his knightly graces.
But he ne'er struck a batter out
With three men on the bases.
They that would laud Sir Oalahand
Indulge in Idle chatter;
He never made a lady glad
By fanning out a batter.
King Arthur? Bah: Who deems him great?
He never learned to twist 'em
With lightning speed across the plate.
Where heavy hitters missed 'em
Poor old sir" Kayo the seneschall
His was a dismal story;
He never used the swift spltball
To waft himself to g'.ory;
No maiden sitting in the stand
E'er, as be sent 'em whlzzin.
Cried if the next man up were fanned
She gladly would be his'n.
Ah, poor old knights! The fights they fought
Call forth adulation:
They never caused strong men to swat
The air in desperation!
Today the man who swiftly twirls
Our admiration captures;
The spltball heroes win the girls
And stir their sweetest raptures..
Now, it seems to me that this ought
to settle the controversy about who
originated the game, as it shows that
al these plugs who ha been clalmi-i-r
to be the real originator of baseball
are a bunch of gold '-ricks, and that
tho game was ually In tx.sten e from
Che creation of man."
"Well," spoke up the manager, "If
your dope Is correct, nowI understand
why there Is so much hot air connected '
with baseball today. Sdroson doi.e ills
heavy hitting against the Phllieiints
with the jawbone of an ass, and let me
tell you that there Is a thundering lot
of people in this world today who are
cmu.ating Samson and tryinjr : butt
iato the game by wtiking the jawbone
ot an ass."
The Great
Shoshone Dam
OF several great storage dams at
present under construction by the
reclamation service perhaps the most
strikingly interesting are the thice
high masonry dams known as the Sho
shone, the Pathfinder and the Roose
velt, The highest of these, the one in
fact that will be distinguished as the
highest dam in the world, Is being
built in the canyon of the Shoshone
river In Northwestern Wyoming, six
miles west of the town of Cody, so
named after Colonel W. F. Cody, bet
ter known as "Buffalo Bill." -
The Shoshone, or the Stinking Water
river, as It was originally named, be
cause of the occurrence along its course
of springs giving off noxious gases,
rises in Northwestern Wyoming in the
spurs of the eastern slope of the Great
Continental Divide, known as the
Absoraka and Shoshone ranges. The
drainage basin of the river above the
Shoshone dam is about 1300 square
miles in extent, varies in altitude from
5000 to 12,000 feet. Includes many high
peaks within the Yellowstone National
park, and is remarkable for its wild
and rugged scenery. The region is
one of heavy snowfall. Is well timbered,
and, pursuant to the wise national pol
icy of forest preservation, is included
almost entirely within the great Yel
lowstone National park.
Just below where the two main forks
of the river Join Is a narrow and deep
canyon, the almost perpendicular gran
ite walls of which rise to a height of
several hundred feet. Through this
gigantic crack in the solid rock the
melting snows of the entire watershed
Just described find their only exit, car
rying to waste during the annual flood
season of a few weeks sufficient water
to reclaim many thousands of acres of
the desert lands of the lower altitudes.
Within this canyon, at a point of al
most Ideal natural advantages. Is be
ing molded the solid wedge of concrete
which is to be known as the Shoshone
dam,
Ths height of this towering structure
when completed will be 3264 feet from
lowest foundation to crest. Its length
at the top from wall to wall of the
canyon about 200 foet, and its thick
ness at the base 108 feet. In plan the
dam Is of the arched type, wherein sta
bility is secured by means of the form as
well as the volume of the structure. The
apex of the arch being turned up stream
to resist the pressure of the Impounded
waters, and the foundation and abut
ments literally dovetailed into the solid
granite, the completed structure will
form a concrete monolith of Imposlner
proportions as well as tremendous
strength and stability.