THE SUNDAY OREGOMAX, TORTLAXD, MAY 24, 1908.
9
f99 xxr z&zr
AND THEN HE)
HIS here anti-immigration bus
I Iness they talk so much about,"
began the House Detective of
the St. Reckless, "it's a new thing,
ain't St?"
"Not ft alV said the Hotel Clerk.
"It'a one of the oldest things we've
got. As far back as 300 years ago the
old settlers of this section were tak
ing a decided stand against the Influx
of raw, unskilled Europeans of the
lower classes. And before that, so I've
been given to understand, the mound
dwellers were very strongly opposed
to the unchecked importation of the
Indians and showed it In a variety
of ways. And before that, no doubt,
the cavedwellers found fault with the
mounddwellers who'd come in by steer
age, bringing with them absurd no
tions in regard to gents' tailoring and
architecture. And before that, the
- l ilnasaurus, better known among
friends as Miss Dinah, opposed the
letting down of the bars to the Thun
der Lizard, commonly called in those
days Big Liz. And before that well,
anyway, it's no new thing in this coun
try. "But so far as the official records
show, it was the Indians who really
put the anti-immigration movement on
an organized basis. Right from the
first they decided that immigration was
a bad thing for a country that was
already so crowded a traveler butted
into a separate tribe every two or three
hundred miles. So steps were taken by
King Phillip and Powhattan and Mon
tezuma and the other old families to
curb the rush to these shores of nar
dy adventurers wearing coal scuttle
boots and wash boiler waistcoats. But
the newcomer had the advantage in
repartee. Larry. A gun with a muzzle
on it like a slide trombone that could
only be fired In clear weather with aid
of a skllllt full of live coals, was a
purty bum affair, measured by the
standard of weapons that they turn out
nowadays up in Christian New Eng
land; but even so it was highly effect
ive as opposed to the activities of an
Indian flitting about among the sumac,
dressed ud in nothing; at all but a
bow and arrow, like a roan-colored
cupid. Tou know what happened, Larry.
That anti-Immigration movement failed
and as a result the original inhabitant
has retired a - considerable distance
from the ' Eastern seaboard, except
when working for the Bill show or the
Shagwah Medicine troupe.
"But suppose they'd won out? Just
stop to think where you and me would
THE beautiful month of May 1s house
cleaning time in One Store City.
While great moving vans In the
cities are transporting a large portion of
the population to newly-papered flats. In
dustrious housewives In One Store City
are energetically plying whitewash and
scrubbing brushes to long-neglected cor
ners, and the entire village is redolent
of soapsuds.
For 15 years Grandma Peters had thus
cleaned house in One Store City, and the
utmost confusion of mind naturally re
sulted when one day, in the midst of the
annual upheaval. Grandpa came from the
pontofflce with the startling announce
ment that they no longer had a house to
clean.
"But I've already took up the settin'1
room carpet," walled Grandma.
"Ye jest's well leave 'er up, then,
ma." the old man returned gently, "an'
'twill save the trouble o" doln it all over
agin. We got only thirty days to git
out."
Grandma seized her Bible and pulling
her low rocker to the window, endeavored
to find a reason for the incredible thing
which had happened to them, while
Grandpa lit his cob pipe and leaned up
against the kitchen wall.
But It was all to little purpose that he
smoked and thought. His pension, added
to the small sums he was able to earn at
gardening, when his rheumatism per
mitted, kept them from actual starvation,
but remained a serious problem where
the money was to come from for house
rent.
For 15 years they had lived rent-free
through the bounty of an ex-Captain in
the Army, whose friendship for Grandpa
dated from ante-bellum days. Having
achieved riches for himself, he had vir
tually made the childless old couple a
present of this little home, but suddenly
he having died intestate, his heirs sold
It without more ado, and sent the Peters
word to that effect. The news was crush
Ing. Grandpa's hands trembled so he
could scarcely replace the letter in Its
envelope, and he staggered out of the
postoflice door into the bright May sun
shine like one suddenly stricken with
blindness.
"How shall I ever tell mar' he kept
repeating, "an' her lookln for'ard to all
thet garden sass that's come up so fine."
Miss Bryson. the postmistress, missed
grandpa's cherry voice In the waiting-
room that day, where he dally lingered
to greet each comer with a laugh and a
joke, and, presently seeing him totter so
neipussly across the street, she ituessed
at once that his letter had brought him
Daa news.
Therefore, when free from her duties.
she slipped quietly over to the Peters
cottage, a cup-custard in one hand and
a plate of sponge cake in the other.
Dear, gentle Miss Bryson! Was there
ever a sorrow in One-Store City that
he did not share: a pain that she did
not help to bear; or a death, the bitter
ness of which her sweet presence did
not assauge? It was quite In the nat
ural order of things that she should find
out all about the oki folks' trouble and
be the first bearer of sympathy.
"It la moving time anyway." she
smilingly told them. The people in
One-Store have grown out of the habit.
but you will set the fashion, and nobody
knows what beautiful thing may come
of It. As for the poor farm, please never
mention that again. We just couldn't
spare either of you. ' I'd like to know
who would tend the gardens If Grandpa
left, or who would help us piece the
quilts if Grandma were gone. Now,
don't yon worry, for I have a feeling
that everything's going to turn out all
right." And this was a most -comforting
assurance for anybody who knew
Miss Bryson.
She had been allowed to read the fatal
letter, and recalled the man who had
bought the house as a former resident
SAYS SOMETHING ABOUT
be at this moment. Instead of sitting
here on a divan in this large, uncom
fortable caravansary, enjoying our
selves, we'd be bowing down before
some small, bored-looking party, wear
ing a crown and an ermine tippet, and
saying to him, "Your Highness is very
good." when all the time we'd know
blamed well he wasn't good, but, on
the contrary, far from -it. But no mat
ter what we thought, we'd nave to say
It. If we didn't, it would be less
majeste."
"Wot's less majesty?" asked the
House Detective.
"That's it," said the Hotel Clerk.
"Your pronunciation of It amply cov
ers the case. But as I was saying, it
was because our ancestors succeeded
I no ve rc omlng the objections of the
of One-Store City. She knew him well,
and as he now lived in El Dorado, she
determined to go and see him at the
earliest opportunity.
A few days later, while shopping In El
Dorado, she visited the new owner of
the little home, but found him most un
sympathetic. He declared It his Inten
tion to repaint and paper the cottage,
and then in the event of a buyer not ap
pearing at once, to rent it to some re
sponsible party, "but," emphatically,
'not to a couple of paupers who haven t
paid a cent of rent for 15 years."
'But If I should guarantee the rent
each month and should pay for a month
In advance right now, would the pres
ent tenants be any more desirable?"
Miss Bryson asked, and the important
gentleman agreed that that was another
matter, and so they settled it at once.
Miss Bryson talked It over with her
friends and neighbors that week at
prayer meeting, and. Inspired by her
convictions, they agreed that it would
be a disgrace to them all to allow the
Peters to go to the poor farm. Mrs.
Smith straightway announced her in
tention of asking the Ladies' Aid to
give a strawberry "sociable"he com-,
ing week to raise the money for that
first month's rent.
"I will pay the rent for two months
myself." volunteered rich Farmer Ben
nett, whereupon everybody vied with
everybody else in generosity, until It
was doubtful If Mrs. Smith's straw
berry plan was necessary after all.
Miss Bryson suggested that they keep
their plans a secret from the old folks
awhile, and Farmer Bennett and his
good wife volunteered to take them
into the country for a fortnight's visit
until everything was arranged satis
factorily. "When you return. Grandma. I hope
we will have decided what to do." Miss
Bryson said, while assisting the old
lady Into the big green and red farm
wagon. There s that little place by
the old mill that could really be made
quite comfortable for the Summer
months, and there's the Bett'a cottage
to be vacant next month."
The thought of the last-named place
actually made Grandma feel faint, as
she remembered the two dingy rooms
at the edge of town known as the
Betts cottage. She knew tbere was
not even a tree or a shrub, or even a
spear of grass in the yard to make it
seem homelike, but she bore up brave
ly, for Grandpa's sake. None knew bet
ter than she of the love and pride with
which she had labored to beautify their
lost paradise, or of the fortitude it re
quired of him not to break down and
sob outright at the thought of tts pass
ing out of their hands forever.
When they had gone the painters
came to brighten the outside of the lit
tle home and the paperhangers to
brighten the Inside. And then, in a fine
frenzy of nelghborllness. or for the
reason that she did not wish to be out
done, Mrs. Smith declared they must
all fall to and finish the housecleanlng
Grandma had started. So the white
washing of the cellar and fence was
completed by Cyrus Barker; the win
dows were washed by Beulah Baxter:
dainty new sash curtains for the bed
room windows were made and contrib.
uted by Laura Prentiss, and a goodly
store of groceries by Mr. Hobby, who
did not forget Grandpa's favorite
smoking tobacco. The furniture, which
had all been parked and stored in the
kitchen ready, to move at a moment's
notice, was again set into place: the
kitchen stove was polished, and every
thing made ready for the bomecoming
of the homeless pair. Indeed, the re
vival of affection for Grandma and
Grandpa Peters came in the form of a
wave that swept the little town com
pletely. In the midst of all these happy prep
arations there was but one disturbing
thought to Miss Bryson the fear that
one day a buyer for the little home
would appear, and that the dear old
couple would be left comfortless. It
can be readily understood, therefore
how Farmer Bennett-endeared himself
to her heart for all time when he came
Into the postoffice one day and an
BY
LOVISS lyDXlSfCrTQN:
BY
parties holding the rst lease on the
premises that you and I are now en
abled to reside in a country that Is
free, or would be, if it wasn't for the
police force."
"Weil, if you're askln" me I think
there's too blame many of them furrin
ers pourln In," said the House Detec
tive. "I was talkln yistlddy to Schmalz.
the head porter, about it, and he feels
the same way I do."
"Yes, I suppose he does," said the Hotel
Clerk. "And the day after he gets his
final naturalization papers, I expect to
read in the papers that Schmalz, the
fiery American, has gone down to Ellis
Island and committed a brutal attack on
a friendless Finn. It hasn't been such a
great while ago that our patriotic friend,
Schmalz, was having his shoes made for
nounced the fact of having been to
Eldorado and bought the property him
self. "It'd been jest like that pesky Garner
to sell it the first chance he got, g'gosh,
an' then the old folks'd have to git up
an' git after all,' he told her, and added:
"They're too old to change an sence
they've been out there with us my wife
an me can jest see that their old hearts
are teetotally sot on that one leetle
spot; an my wife an' me have decided
they shall have 1 to the end of their
days an" the rent don't matter much,
one way or t'other."
Then it was that Miss Bryson came
GUESS WE
" THIS
ilRYIN
him on a turning lathe, and thought
the Constitution of the United States was
something that could be worked up into
a sausage. But now he wants to shut out
the raw hordes pouring in from Europe.
Some of our most violent Americans,
Larry, are our newest ones. . Their Amer
icanism pervades like a pet civit cat
in a steam-heated flat."
"There's a lot of people feel like I do,"
argued the House Detective.
"Maybe, so." said the Hotel Clerk.
"Families who Import all their domestic
servants from England would like to put
up the fences, I suppose, against all for
eign pauper labor, with the exception of
Dukes and Counties. Parties who have
to get their help from the employment
agencies are more conservative. They'd
let in a few of those handy girls who
from behind the little delivery win
dow and with tears streaming down
her face took the man's rough hand
in her own and exclaimed earnestly,
"May God bless you."
After preparations were all com
pleted, Mr. Hobby with his horse and
buggy went after the old folks one
evening; Just at dusk, and to their eager
Inquiries as to whether Miss Bryson
had succeeded In finding a place for
them he reported that she had, but
did not like to decide until she had
their approval. He stated that they
were to be his guests until they had
decided, which was all true enough.
He also told them that they might go
at once and view the Inside of the
house, .though it would be too dark to
get a satisfactory survey of the out
side even with his lantern. And while
he talked he drove straight through the
town and stopped at their own gate,
with neither of them the wiser. They
were both silent and sad-hearted and
homesick, and reminded Mr. Hobby of
two lost children ho had once picked
up and taken home.
At the first click of the latch, lights
CAN PULL ENOUGH RE DISHES FER
HERE ANTI-IMMIGRATION
;S. COBB
1 vM
are willing to do general housework for
$8 a month without any afternoon a week
out, and sleep in the basement, but
they'd shut out all the others.
"As for me, Larry, I decline to get
stirred up over the prospect that the
European Invasion is going to swamp us.
We may get our Black Hands from Eu
rope, but we get our hired girls from
there, too, and most of our policemen.
As long as we can keep a cook at the
flat I feel that I can stand the Black
Hand. The same ship that brings us
the anarchist, brings us also the sun
kissed lad that's willing to take a shovel
and a dollar and a quarter a day and
g'et out -in all sorts of weather, and build
a right of way In order that you and I
may later go on a Sunday excursion and
have our names printed near the head
suddenly flared out from every window,
the door was flung wide open and it
seemed to the astonished old people that
everybody in One Store City was there
to bid them welcome. Grandma was
completely overcome. Seizing the nearest
dishtowel at hand she began sobbing Into
it violently; while Grandpa, after shak
ing hands all around and cracking some
of his favorite Jokes, suddenly disap
peared out the back door and was not
seen again until the guests had departed.
Then to Grandma's call of, "Where be ye,
Pa?" came the answer from the farthest
corner of the fence, where grandma could
see the flickering, gleam of his. lantern:
Here I be, ma! Do come out here
an' see the garden. I swan to goodness
I never see things grow so! I b'lieve I'll
Just weed out these rawsberries a little,
right now. and I guess we could pull
enough reddlshes fer breakfus'."
If He Is Truthful.
Full many a hunter, on my word.
Will boast, but should you ask.
He'll say he never hits a bird,
'But often hits a flask.
Sam S. stlnsoa In New York Times.
BREAKFAST.'
BUSINESS V
of the first column through getting
smashed1 up In one of those thorough
and elaborate head-end collisions that
we pull off so frequently during the sea
son. "This country of ours is, in some ways,
like an ostrich, Larry. Almost anything
It can swallow It can digest. And you
may have noticed that the children of
some of the immigrants turn out very
well. There was one named Andrew
Jackson that attracted some little atten
tion here a while back, and there's one
named Johnson out in Minnesota who
has been mentioned in print every once
in a while lately.
"We're a progressive people, Larry, con
siderlng everything. The first generation
over builds a railroad, the second rides
on it and the third owns it. It's frequent-
Pride of the Muddy Missouri
Some of the Ways and Some of the Things You Can lo With a Catfish
THE catfish. Now I wonder who
named the catfish after a cat and
why he did so. If there Is any one
thing in animate nature that would not
be suggestive of a name for such a thing
as the catfish it is the cat. The two
have nothing at all in common. Neither
has any particular attribute of the other.
They are unlike in looks, manners,
habits, vocal and dumb expression.
There is nothing feline, slinking: or un
certain, about the catfish. It Is plain,
even ugly, to look upon. It grabs what
it wants and swallows down for the sole
purpose of satisfying its inner self and
goes on about its business. The cat is
prim, dainty, caring much about its
looks, while the catfish is matter of fact,
would wear stained overalls If' it were
human and does not care a cent about
its looks. If it did it would be perpet
ually mortified. The catfish is steady and
regular in Its habits and attends strictly
to its own individual business of living.
The cat is an irregular, inconstant, un
certain feline and always mixing in and
interfering with the affairs of other cats.
To crown every difference, the catfish is
good for mankind to eat, while the best
authority says the cat is not.
The only thing that possibly could be
suggestive of the cat in the catfish Is
that the one Is as different .from the
other as it is possible for two things to
be. There is a tradition that the cat
fish was so named because the flexible
feelers" that grow from its frontispiece
look something like the so-called whis
kers on the cat's face. It is a mighty
far cry to any resemblance. The cat
fish feelers look just as much like the
face whiskers on a dog, a rat, a squir
rel or a horse as those on a cat. Facially
there are persons I have seen that look
a good deal more like a catfish than does
a cat. In truth, however, the catfish
resembles nothing else on or within the
earth but its own self, and it ought to
have an independent, " nonprejudice
making name of its own. 1
Probably the first man who ever caught
a catfish and cooked and ate it he was
either a very recklessly brave man or a
hungry one, or both was surprised to
find It so good to eat despite its look
and gave it a name so that none else
would want to eat catfish and he would
have a never-ending plenty for himself.
Any such deism long ago failed, so far
as we of Central Missouri are concerned.
Certainly with its looks and its name
there are grounds for suspicion among
the ignorant. The catfish is not the only
thing good to eat that does not look
thatway. It ranks In looks with the lob
ster, the soft-shell crab, the diamond
back terrapin, the shrimp and the eel.
There are some of us who have eaten
catfish and also alt those other things,
and we rank the properly prepared cat
fish as ft toothsome edible with anything,
however ugly or however handsome it
may be.
Down In Central Missouri the unhand
some catfish Is the standard, the staple
and the standby among the food fishes.
The people there, especially the native
born, know where, when and how to
catch catfish, how to dress them and
how to cook them. And when you
find anyone scornful of catfish you
can' put it surely down that such
a one is to be pitied for the'
ignorance and prejudice that keeps him
from knowing and enjoying so fine a
thing. To Missourians of the middle
counties all catfish are divided Into two
kinds frying size and too-big-to-fry-whole.
First as to the frying size, that
run from a finger length to a foot or
a little more and from a few ounces
to a pound in weight. The yellow
mudcats of the creeks are, the non
pareils for the frying pan. The catfish
of the ponds or dead water is never
equal in quality to those of the streams.
It is not every kind of day, any
weather or any stage or kind of water
that one can catch the yellow mudcat
in sufficient numbers to reasonably fill
a frying pan. One must wait for wet
weather, slow, warm rains, a season
of drizzle and moisture that makes the
roads soft, raises the creeks to a stage
midway between low water and bank
full, muddles the water, makes the
going underfoot soggy, slippery and
tiresome and the woods damp and
drippy. Then take your 5-cent fish
line and your nickel's worth of addi
tional small hooks to replace possible
snagged and broken ones; go down
V "ly about two short jumps from a
union card to a family crest. And owing
to the uniform excellence of the climate,
or something, there are a few of our rich
families who didn't come Into their wealth
until after the Civil War, who've turned
out In less than 40 years a group of mush
headed descendants who will wmntr: fa
vorably wit nything In the way of
idiots 'hat the aristocracy of the older
country has been able to produce In more
than 400 years of sustained effort."
"Yes. but we sln't gittln' the class of
furriners we used to git," Insisted the
House Detective. "They tell that a couple
of hundred years ago"
"I don't know so much about the kind
we got a couple of hundred years ago."
said the Hotel Clerk. "I wasn't here at
the time. But I've been told that our best
old families never began to brag about
their Cavalier ancestors until after the
ancestors had been suitably planted so
long that people had forgotten whether
the late Cavaliers were tanners, or house
painters or horseshoers by trade. They
may have been Cavaliers when they hit
these shores, but if so, the voyage certain
ly had a most refining effect, for when
they departed from the other side, they
were mainly runaway apprentices, or gen
tlemen who had too many wives, or not
enough wives, or parties who owed debts
and wanted to- give the creditors a neat
surprise. I'll bet the day after the May
flower sailed, the dock was fairly cluttered
up with Sheriff's officers and bailiffs that
hadn't been able to run any better than
place and show.
"New blood don't do, livestock any real
harm, and 1 guess maybe it's not so bad
for a country. When the pallid, pale
green son of a millionaire marries the
Irish housemaid who nursed him through
his first attack of the D. T.'s, or a lead
ing society girl elopes with a stalwart
Swede coachman, It may cause pangs in
the present generation of the family, but
there's apt to be rejoicing In the next.
And besides, Larry, we've still got a lot
of country that's not yet as thickly set
tled as a sheet of fly paper in a saloon
window on a warm day in August. Or
chard street is beginning to look sort of
compact, but Montana has quite a few
stretches left where a man can find a
nice, quiet, open place when he wants to
beat his wife. And then there's Texas,
which is a good deal larger than It looks
on a school geography. Somebody has
estimated that thirty million people, or
three hundred million, or around there
somewhere, could settle in Texas without
causing any women to faint in the crush.
But then I'm afraid there'll never be that
many people from this section willing to
settle in Texas."
"Why not?" asked the House Detective.
"Texas is voting in local option," said .
the Hotel Clerk.
back of the barn, turn over a big rock
or a log and dig- from the loose, damp
soil some fishing worms. Put the
worms with some dirt in a can, like
you used to when a boy, and then
gV UUVV1I till VUgll IIIC 1 11 IV, It. VVVUVat)
T r whara 4-Via praAlr rilno
There you are sure to find a hole
where there is a rack-heap of freshet
driven logs and tangled and twisted
brush. In the water below and above
and under the yellow catfish lie In
wait for things coming1 down stream.
Above the rack heap Is a scum of light
debris held back by the obstruction
and that is your place to throw In..
Cut a pole from' the growth on the
bank. There is plenty of material
there and no use to cut a pole sooner,
for "totin" a long sapling through
thick woods and brush is vexatious
and destructive of that placidity of
mind so essential to real flshin. See
that the point of the hook Is. covered
up with the worm, spit on the bait
and cast in just above the scum. The
slight current takes the cork down to a
stand in the thick of it. Rest easy. Fix
your pole firm on the bank, light your
pipe and sit down on a log. The art
of catching sizable yellow mudcats is
to keep calm, unworrying and unex
citcd. Soon out of sight dives that
cork; the line stretches taut, the pole
bends. Don't get fractious even now.
r.ow l-irtlrl nf tliat no 1a hPMVA firmlv
and hoist your yellow, flopping and
mildly astonished fish well up on the
bank. He has taken worm, hook and .
9s much line as he can swallow into
his farthest 'Innards, and you've got
to "project around' considerably with
your thumb and forefinger far down to
recover your tackle.
String the captive on a willow or
buck bush fork, one prong- two feet
long, the other six inches. Do not cut
your fork before you have caught a
fish. It Is a hoodoo of the worst kind.
Put your fish In shallow water with
the stringer well anchored to the bank
with a big rock or a heavy chunk of
wood. Readjust your bait or put on a
new worm, cast in the same place
again, and in about five minutes out
you hoist another fish. You keep on
doing this. It sounds monotonous, but
there is n mighty joyful thrill and a de
licious calm excitement to this "fishin."
Keep this thing up three or four hours,
and you have some 15 to 20 fat, golden
yellow, frylng-size fellows, and have
caught perhaps a score more too small to
fry which you throw back if you have
been well raised.
, 'If you have been out In the afternoon
and get back In time to have those flsh
for supper, you have a good mess for half
a dozen people. The right kind of a cook
will put a pinch of salt Inside each fish
and lay them in clear, fresh water until
time for frying. Then she (the best
cooks are of that sex) will roll each fish
in corn meal until It Is well coated,
put them In a frying pan with plenty
of pure lard, let them splutter, spat,
pop and crackle, turning each fish over
two or three times with a fork, until
the meal coating Is well browned.
Then those fish are ready for the table.
And there is no more toothsome, deli
cately flavored moreel anywhere u.an
a mouthful of the well-cooked white
meat of them.
While the baking U progressing,
keep watch over It, and every now and
then when the top of the fish looks
dry, with big spoon or ladle pour over
the fish the liquid in the pan bottom.
Add occasionally a pinch of salt and
pepper. When ready to serve, as it
will be by dinner time, lay the baked
fish on a big dish. Cut two or three
lemons in slices ana pi&ce xnese arouna
on the dish edge. While these lemon
slices are ornamental. If you do not
take two or three of them to squeeze
over your fish portion you have been
poorly educated. -Put the pan liquid
in a bow by itself and let the head
of the table, the master of these sol
emn ceremonies, add a spoonful or two
of It to each diner's portion as served.
Great gravy! Long live the Miesourl
catfish. May he never die save by hook
or cook. Kansas City Star.
The death has occurred at Sonneriham.
England, of Mn. Holdlrh. in her joint year.
She wa born in that village on January 11,
1&08. and up to the aire of 18 was so deli
cate that her parents feared he would
never crow to womanhood.