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About The Sunday Oregonian. (Portland, Ore.) 1881-current | View Entire Issue (May 17, 1908)
THE SUXIUT OREGOXIAX, PORTLAND, MAY I?, 1908.
SAY, If I hadn't been havin a dopy
streak I'd a known somethin was
about due.' There hadn't a thing
happened to me for more'n a week,
when Plnckney blows Into the studio,
just casual like, as if he'd only come
In cause he found the door open. That
should have put me leery; but it didn't.
I gives him the hail and tells him he's
lookin like a pink just off the Ice.
"Shorty says he, "how are you on
"I'm a cinch," says I. "Every pan
handler that's north of Madison Square
knows he can work me for a beer
check any. time he can run me down."
"Then you'll be glad to exercise your
talents in aid of a worthy cause,"
says he. .
"It don't follow," says I. "The de-r
serving poor I passes up. There's too
much done for 'em as it 'is. It's the
unworthy kind that wins my coin. They
enjoys it more, and has a harder time
"Your logic Is good. Shorty," says he,
"and I tidnk I agree with your senti
ments. But this Is a case where charity
is only an excuse. The ladies out at
Rocky wold are getting up an affair for
the benefit . of something or other, no
one seems to know just what, and
they've t put you down for a little bag
punchin' and club swinging." .
"Then wire 'era to scratch the entry,"
says I. "I don't make any orchestra
circle plays that I can dodge, and when
it comes to fightin' the leather before
a bunch of peacock millinery. I renigs
every time. I'll put on Swifty Joe as
a sub, -if you've got to have some one."
Pinckney shook his head at that.
"Xo(" says he, "I'll tell Sadie she must
leave you off the programme."
"Hold on," says I. ""Was it Sadie billed
me for this stunt?"
He said it was.
"Then I'm on the job," says I. "Oh,
you can grin your ears off; I don't care."
Well, that was what fetched me out
to Rockywold on a Friday night, when I
had a right to be watchin the amateur
try-outs at the Marlborough Club in
stead. The show wasn't until Satur
day evenin, but Pinckney said I ought
to be there for the dress rehearsal.
"There's only about a dozen guests
there now; so you needn't get skittish,"
And a dozen don't go far toward fillln
up a place like Rockywold. Say, if I
had the price, I'd like a shack where
I could take care of more or less com
p'ny without setting' up cot beds, but
I'll be blistered if I can see the fun in
runnin .a free hotel like that.
These amateur shows are apt to be
prptty punk; but I could see that, bar
rln' myself, there was a fair aggrega
tion of talent on hand. The star was a
googoo-eyed girl who did a barefoot
specialty, recitin' poems to music, and
accompanyin' herself with a kind of
parlor hoochee-coochee that would have
drawn capacity houses at Coney. Then
there was a pretty boy who could do
things to the piano, a funeral-faced duck
that could tell funny stories, and a bunch
01 six or eignt iiKeiy-iooKin laaies ana
gents who'd laid themselves out to
prance through with what they called a
minuet, lastly there was me an Miriam.
She was one of these limp, shingle-
chected girls, Miriam was. She didn't
have much to say, so I didn't take any
particular notice of her. But at the re
hearsal I got next to the fact that she
could tease music out of a violin in great
tyle. It was all right if you shut your
eyes for Miriam wasn't what you'd call
a pastel. She was built a good deal on
the lines of an Iwoad pillar, but that
didn't bar her from wearin' one of these
short-sleeved, square-necked, girly-glrly
dresses that didn't leave you much in
doubt as to her framework.
Yes, Miriam could have stood a few
well-placed pads. She'd lived long enough
to have found that out, too, but they
was mlssin. 1 should guess that Miriam
had begun exhlbitin' her collar-bones
to society about the time poor old John
1. fought the battle of New Orleans.
Yet when she snuggled the butt end of
that violin down under her chin and
squinted at you across the bridge, she
had all the motions of a high-school girl.
Course, I didn't dope all this out to
myself at the time; for, as I was sayin,
I didn't size her up special. But it all
came to me afterwards yes, yes!
The excitement broke loose along about
the middle of that first night. I'd
turned In about an hour before, and was
poundin' my ear like a circus hand on
a Sunday lay-over, when I hears the
trouble cry. First off I wasn't goin' to
do any more than turn over and get a
fresh hold on the mattress, for I ain't
much on routin' out for fires unless I
feel the headboard gettin' hot. But then
II waked up enough to remember that
Rockywold is a long ways outside the
metropolitan fire district and I begins
to throw clothes onto myself.
Inside of two minutes I was outdoors
lookin' for a chance to win a Carnegie
medal. There wasn't any show at all,
though. The flre, what there was of it,
was in the kitchen, in the basement of
the wing where the help stays. Half
a dozen stablemen had put It out with
the garden hose, and were flnishln' the
job by soakin' one of the cooks, when
I showed up.
I watched em" for awhile, and then
started back to my room. Somehow I
got twisted up in the shrubbery, and in
stead of goin back the way I came. I
gels around on the other corner. Just
about then a ground-floor window is
shoved up and a female in white
floats out on a little stone balcony.
She waves her arms and begins to call
"You're late." says I. "It's all over
That didn't satisfy her at all. though.
Some smoke and steam was still com
in from the far side of tne mnldin',
and it was blowin in through an
"Help, help!" she squeals. "Help,
before I jump!"
"1 wouldn't," says I. 'They've gone
home with the life net."
"The smoke, the smuke!" says she.
"Oh. I must jump!"
"Well, if you've got the jumpin
fit, says I. "jump ahead; but if you
can hold yourself in a minute. I'll
bring a step-ladder." t
"Then hurry, please hurry!" says
she. and starts to climb up on the
edge of the balcony.
It wa'nt more'n six feet to the turf
o n v-x-o v n nH it vnulHti't Viav Vpr
any killtn matter if she had jumped,
less'n she'd landed on her neck ; but
she was as loony as if she's been
bland in on top of the Flat-iron Build-
in". Bein as how I'd forgot to bring
a step-ladder with me, I chases around
after something she could come down
on. The -moon wasn't shinin' very
bright, though, and there didn't seem
to be any boxes of barrels lyin
around loose, so I wasn't makin much
headway. But after awhile I gets
hold of something that was the very
ticket. It was one of these wooden
stands for flower-pots. I lugs that
over and sets it up under the win
dow. "Now, if you'll just slide down onto
that easy," says I. "your life is saved."
She looks at it once, and begins to
flop her arms and take on again. "I
never can do it, I know I can't!" says
she. "I'll fall, I'll fall!
Well, it was a case of Shorty Mc
Cabe to the rescue, after all. "Com
ing up!"' says I, and hops on the thing,
holdln oat me paws.
She didn't need any more coaxin.
Wb w fr $
"MIRIAM, I THINK IT WAS
She scrabbled over that balcony rail
and got a shoulder clutch on me that
you couldn't have loosened with a
crowbar. I gathered in the rest of - her
with my left hand and steadied my
self with the other. Lucky she wasn't
a heavy weight, or that potTholder
wouldn't have stood the strain. It
creaked some as we went down, but it
"Street floor, all out!" says I, as I
hit the grass. r
But that didn't even get a wiggle
out of her.
"It's all over," says I. "You're res
cued." Talk about your cling-stones! She
was it. Never a move, I couldn't tell
whether she'd fainted, or was too
to do something. I couldn't stand !
there for the rest of the night' holdin'
a strange lady draped the way she
was. and it didn't seem to bo just the
right thing to sit down to it. Besides,
one of her elbows was tryin' to punc
ture my right lung.
"If you're over the fire panic I'll try
and hoist you back through the win
dow. Miss," says I.
She wasn't ready to do any con-
versin" then, though. She was just
holdin' onto me like I was too good a
thing to let slip.
"Well, it looks to me as though we'd
got to make a front entrance." says I;
but I hope the audience '11 be slim,"
and with that I starts to finish the lap
around the house and make for the
I've carried weight before, but never
that kind, and it seemed like . that
blamed house was as big around as a
city block. Once or twice we butted
Into the bushes, and another time I
near tumbled the two of us into the
pool of a fountain; but after awhile
I struck the front porch, some out of
breath, and with a few wisps of black
hair in my eyes, but still in the game
The lady hadn't made a murmur, and
she hadn't slacked her clinch.
1 was hopln' to slide in quiet, with
out bein' spotted by anyone, for most
of the women had gone back to bed,
and I could hear the men down in the
billiard room clickin' glasses over
an extra dream-soother. L,u"k was
against me. though. Right under the
newel-post light stood Pinckney, wear
in' a silk pajama coat outside of a pair
of black broadcloth trousers. When
he sees me and what I was luggin', he
looks kind of pleased.,
"Hello, Shorty!" says ' he. "What
have you there?"
"It might be a porous plaster, by the
way It sticks," says I, "but It ain't.
It's a lady I've been resculn', while the
rest of you guys was standin' around
watchin' a wet cook."
"By Jove!" says Pinckney, steppin'
up and takin' a close look. "Miriam!"
"Thanks." says I. "We ain't been
introduced yet. Do you mind unhook
in' her lingers from the back of my
But all he did was to stand there
with his mouth corners workln' and
them black eyes of his winkin' like a
pair of arc lights.
"It's too pretty a picture to spoil,"
says he. "So touching! Reminds me
of Andromeda and What's-his-name.
Just keep that pose a minute, will you.
until I bring up the rest of the fel
lows?" "You'll bring up nothin'," says I,
reachin' out with one hand and gettin!
a grip on the collar of his silk jacket.
"Now, get busy, or off comes your
With that lie quits kiddin' and goes
to work on Mirjam's fingers, and in
about a minute she gives a little jump.
like she'd just heard the breakfast bell.
"Why!" says she. "Where am I?
"Right where you landed five minutes
ago," says I.
Then she shudders all over, and
squeals: "Oh! A man! A man!"
"Sure." says I, "you didn't take me
for a Morris chair, did you?"
Miriam didn't linger for any more.
She lets loose a holler that near splits
me ear open, slides down so fast that
&ui f..:.( . i :..".n
" . v-af .S.S. .
her bare tootsies hit the floor with a
spat, grabs her what-dye-call-it " up
away from her ankles with both hands,
and sprints down the hall as if she was
makin' for the last car.
"Say," says I, gettin me neck: out
of crook, "I wish that thought . had
come to her sooner . I feel as if - I'd
been squeezed by a pair of Ice-tongs.
If she can hug like that in her sleep,
what could she do when she Is wide
"Shorty," says Pinckney, with his
face as solemn as a pTeacher's, "I'm
pained and astonished at this." '
"Me too," says I.
"Don't jest," says he. "This looks to
me like an attempt at kidnaping."
"If you'd had that grip on you I
guess you'd have thought it was the
real thing," says I. "But here's a litde
tip I want to pass on to you. Don't go
spread In' this josh business around the
: - .t'V-' , M. .
HIGH TIME YOU RETIRED."
lot, or your show'll be minus a star
act. I'll stand for all the private kid
din' you can hand out, but I've got my
objections' to playin' a public joke
book part.' Now, will you quit?"
He was mighty disappointed at hav
in' to do it, but he gave his word like
a little man, and I makes tracks up
stairs, glad enough to be let off so
"It was a" queer kind of faint, if
that's what it was." says I to myself.
"I'll bet I fights shy of anything more
of the kind that I sees comln' my
way. This is what I gets for strayin'
so far from Broadway."
But a little thing like that don't
incerfere with my sleepin' when slum
ber's on the card, and I proceeds to
tear off what was. due me on the eight-
hour sched., and maybe a little more.
I didn't get a sight of Miriam all day
long. Not that I was stralnin' my
eyes any. There was somethin better
to look at Sadie, for instance. Course,
Pinckney was bossin' the show, but
she was bossin' him, and anyone else
M5 EOFSt CB?R
Entered 2nd CU Male Matter
PA THUNDERBOLT No. 2
We notice -that' our rival candidates
for the Presidency are as timid
about the money question as if It
was water and they had hydropho
bia. We are different. We fear
nothing, not even money!
The whole trouble with money is
that some one gets it and keeps it.
As soon as we
are elected, we
shall settle that
once and for all.
Under our ad
money will be
stamped with a
and it won't be
good for more
Solredl Solved 1
This law wil 1 cause annoyance
only to Messrs. Rockefeller, Morgan,
Ryan and Harriman. The rest of
the country has never been able to
keep money 24 hours anyway.
We feel kind of sorry about Taft,
now that we have launched this.
However, we will do the right thing
by him. As soon as we are inau
gurated, we shall pass a law provid
ing that thereafter it Bhall be a cap
ital offense for any one to run for
President except himself.
AMERICAN FASHION NOTES
N. Y.. May 16. Society Is experi
encing great trouble thi
leaving town. Th ralli-nari otottnn.
and ferries are completely congested
Newport, R. I., May 16. Tt is re
ported here that the swagger set this
BPflgnn will nraa j.MvAannn A . ..
"... V . U. fJ UUCU
Gopher, Arizona, May 15. The
annual horse season here was opened
with great eclat. The debutante
wore a stunning lariat.
that was handy. They were goin' to
pull off the racket In the ball-room,
and Sadie found a lot to do it. She's
a hummer, Sadie is. Maybe she wa'n't
brought up' among bow-legged English
butlers and a lot of Swedish maids, but
she's learned the trick of gettin' "em
to break their necks for her whenever
she says the word.
All the forenoon more folks kept
comin' on every train, and there was
two rows of them big deep-breathin'
tourin' cars in the stables. By dinner-time
Rockywold looked like a Sara
toga, hotel durin' the racln'. season.
Chappies were playin' lawn tennis, and
luggin' golf bags around, and keepln'
the ivories rollin', while the front
walks and porches might have been
Fifth-avenue on a Monday afternoon,
from the dry goods that was - bein'
I stowed myself away in a corner
of the billiard-room and didn't mix
much, but I was takin' it all In. Not
that I was feelin' lonesome, or any
thing like that. I likes to see any kind
of fun, even if it ain't just my kind.
And besides, there was more or less
In the bunch that I knew first-rate.
But I don't care about pushin' to the
front until I gets the call.
So everything runs along smooth, and
I was flgurin"' on makin' a late train
down to Primrose Park after I'd done
my . little turn. I didn't care much
about seeln' the show, so I stuck to
the dressin'-room until they sends word
that it was my next. We'd had the
punchln'-bag apparatus rigged up in
the forenoon, and .there wasn't any
thing left to be done but hook on the
leather and spread out the mat
Pinckney was doin' the announcing
and the jolly he gives me before he
lugs me out was somethin' fierce. I
reckon I was blushin some when I
went on, and maybe that's what called
out such a hand. I-Just took one squint
at -the mob and felt a chill down my
spine. Say, it's one thing to step up
before a gang of sports In a hall, and
another to prance out in ring clothes
on a platform in front of two or three
hundred real ladies and gents wearin'
their evenin' togs.
There I was, though, and the crowd
doin' the hurrah act for all It was
worth. When I gets the bag goin' I
feels better, and whatever grouch I
has against Pinckney for not lettin'
me wear my gym. -.suit I put into
short-arm punches on the pigskin. The
stunt seemed to take. I could tell
that by the buzz that came over the
footlights. No matter what you're do
in', whether it's making' campaign
speeches, or stoppin' a comer in six
rounds, it's always a help to know that
you've got the crowd with you.
By the time I'd got well warmed up,
and was throwin' in all the flourishes
that's been invented and so on I felt
real chipper. I makes a grandstand
finish and then has the nerve to face
the audience and do a matinee bend.
As I did that I gctsKmy lamps fixed
on some one in the front row. -
Say, if you've ever done much on the
platform you know how sometimes
you'll get a squint at a pair of eyes
down front and can't get yourself away
from 'em after that. Weil, that was
the way with me then. There was rows
and rows of faces that all looked alike;
but this one phiz seemed to stand right
out, and to save me all I could do was
to stare back from the rest.
It belonged to Miriam. She had her
chin tucked down,' and her head canted
llliSs MAY 17, 1908
THE FATAL EGG; or,
If the reader were an American heiress, he or she might have witnessed
a festive scene that beggars description about 10 days 4 hours and 69
minutes Eastern time after the terrible explosion that blew up the last
The ancestral halls of the haughty
from Liverpool, Eng., were ablaze
girls entirely surrounded with money,
French, Italian, Magyar and Russian
from them every few minutes.
The Arfeiurf Palace.
In the darkness the gifted reader will have recognized them before we
They were peerless Susan Endive, the Lady Chauffeur, and Willie Co
lander, the beautiful vest-model!
How they got there would be a long story. We will cut It out.
"Listen!" Susan Endive was saying. "I have discovered the secret of
the Dukess of Arfenarf! She has attained her power among the railroad
rebaters by owning a fell engine of destruction on which they depend to
defeat Roosevelt! She feeds hens on glycerine and nitric
acid! The eggs they lay are fatal! They are full of nitroglycerine!"
Willie Colander shuddered audibly.
"But I have her! Before I was thrown into this here
dungeon, I smuggled one of the loaded eggs into the pantry.
Soon the Dukess of Arfenarf will begin to mix an egg nogg,
for which she is justly famous! When she does ha!"
said the Lady Chauffeur.
"But the American heiresses!" whispered Willie Colander.
"Will they not get blown up too?"
"They are used to it! They get blown up all the time
by their titled husbands'." replied the Lady Chauffeur.
At this moment the sound of a terrible explosion was
This awful exposure will be continued in our next.
To Do Honest
By a Wall Street
porarily e m b a r
rassed). Inexperienced, Wall St.,
H. T. Cmt.
to one side, and her mouth puckered
into the' mushiest kind of a grin you
ever saw. Her eyes were rolled up real
kittenish, too. Oh, it was a combina
tion to make a man strike his grand
mother, that look she was sendin' up
to me. I wanted to dodge It and pick
up another, but there was no more get
tin' away, from it than as if I was bein'
followed by a search-light. Worst of
it was, I could feel myself grinnin"
back at her just as mushy. I was get
tin' sillier every breath, and I might
have got as far as blowin' kisses at
her if I hadn't pulled myself together
and begun to juggle the Indian clubs,
for the second half of my act.
All the ginger had faded out of me,
though, and I cut the rest of it mlghVy
short. As I comes off Sadie grabs me
and begins to tell me what a hit I'd
made, and how tickled she was, but I
shakes her off pretty quick.
- . j
- " ' - 1 i '
f ' jHfst - ' ' " t " , 1 i
IsW? hxr rj4t
"What's your rush, Shorty?" says
"I've got a date to fill down the
road," says I, and I makes a quick
break for the dressin-room. Honest, I
was gettin rattled for fear if Miriam
should get another look at me she'd
mesmerize me so I'd never wake up.
I skins into my Back suit, leaves word
to have my bag expressed to town, "and
was just about to make a sudden exit
when I bumps into some one at the
front door. -
"Oh, Mr. McCabe! How did you know
where to find me?" says she.
Say, I'll give you one guess. Sure,
it was Miriam again. She was got up
expensive, all real lace and first-water
sparks, and just as handsome as a towel
rack. But the minute she turns on that
gushy look I'm nailed to the spot, same
as the rabbits they feed to the boa
constrictors up at the Zoo.
"You didn't think you could lose me
so easy, did you?" says I.
"What a persistent fellow you are!
PA SUNSHINE SOCIETY
A WOEFUL WOOING
Arfenarfs, just around the corner
with light and crowded with American
and followed by their noble British,
husbandB, who borrowed a dollar
Outside, among the peasantry, staring with simple
gratification through the windows, stood the Amer
ican Parents, snatching what glimpses they could ere
the Arfenarf myrmidons drove them away.
At Intervals an American parent approached the
portals timidly and humbly offered the ferocious sene
schal a coal scuttle full of money to placate him.
While this glittering scene was working, a different
scene might have been seen by anyone with a lantern.
In the ancestral dungeons under the ancestral left
wing and next to the ancestral moat sat two figures
loaded with 200 feet of the best Al fetters. 'Even
PA NEWS AND NOTES
Pa Hen Fethers last week fell into
an artesian well that he had just im
ported from England and was nearly
Demijohn Swiggerly, a well-known
pa, was attacked and nearly assassi
nated a few days ago by a window
screen. It knocked him down and
began kicking him when help arrived.
Pa Flitters yesterday drank some
furniture polish by mistake and was
saved only by- hastily wallowing a
says she. "But after you behaved so
"eroically last night I suppose I must,
forgive you. Wasn't It silly of me to
be so frightened?"
"Oh, well," says I, "the best of us
is apt to go off our nut sometimes."
"How sweet of you to put it that
way!" says she, and then she uncorks
a giggle. "You did carry me nicely,
That was a sample. I wouldn't go on
and give you the whole book of the
opera for money. It's something I'm
tryin' to forget. But we swapped that
kind of slush for near half an. hour,
and when the show broke up and the
crowd began to swarm towards the
buffet lunch, we was slttin' out on the
porch in the moonlight, still at it.
Pinckney says we was holdin' hands
and gazin at each other like a couple
of spoons in the park. Maybe we was;
I couldn't swear different.
All I know ts that after awhile I
SHORTY!" SAYS HE, "WHAT HAVE YOU
looks up and sees Sadie standin there
pipin' us off, with her nose in the air
and the heat-lightnln kind of glim
merin' in them blue eyes of hers. The
spell was broke quicker'n when the
curtain goes down and the ushers open
the lobby doors. Course, Sadie's nothin
more'n an old friend of mine, and I'm
no more to her; but you see it hadn't
been so long ago that I'd been tellin
her what a sweat I was in to get away.
She never said a word, only just sticks
her chin up and laughs, and then goes
Next minute there shows up in front
of us a fat old lady with three chins
and a waist like a clothes hamper.
"Miriam!" says she, and there was
Pneumonia Most Deadly Scourge
Kveii Outranks Tuberculosis as ''Captain or Men of Death.'
CONTRARY to the general opinion,
tuberculosis Is no longer the
scourge of society. Its place as a
death-dealing destroyer has been taken
by another disease which Is making
great havoc the world over. This dom- !
inant slayer of the race Is pneumonia.
It is now the most deadly of all dis
eases. Every year it is killing off about
140,000 persons in the United States.
Allowing a mortality rate of one-fifth
of the total number of cases, this
means that there are about 700,033
cases annually in this country. In New
York, with Its sudden changes of
weather and severe Winters, 36 In
every 10,000 persons die of the disease
every year. Boston comes next with a
death rate of 30 In every 10,000, and
Philadelphia and Chicago are not far
In some European cities, however,
the ghactly results are much worse
than in the United States, notably in
Vienna, where pneumonia carries off
40 in every 10,003 persons every year.
London's population suffers severely
from the inroads of the disease, as
also that of Stockholm and other cities.
Berlin is perhaps the best off of the
Europpan cities in this respect; Its
mortality rate from pneumonia is about
16 in every 10.000.
"Pneumonia," said Dr. Thomas Darl
ington, Commissioner of Health of New
York City, "has been second only to
pulmonary tuberculosis. Now It has
outranked even that 'captain- of the
men of death. During the period from
1881 to the present, pneumonia has in
creased in practically every place in
the United States and Europe.
"In this country, in the ten states
where vital statistics are accurately
recorded, there was a general increase
in the number of cases during the
period from 1900 to 1904. In 1905 the
number of deaths markedly decreased,
while since then an upward tendency
In the death rate has again been ap
parent. "In all of these states tne death
rate In the cities has been and Is per
sistently higher than in the rural re
gions. This condition is not peculiar
to this country, for a recent Register
General's report states that in England
and Wales the city rates were in ex
cess by between 80 and 90 per cent.
Of course, in the cities there are va
rious provocative conditions. The artifi
cial manner of life, the rush and strain,
the constant inhalation of dust, smoke
and other irritating foreign particles, all
have their undoubted effect. Then there
is the question of climate in its relation
to the prevalence of this disease. It
would be of vast importance to know
the exact climatic conditions, temperature,
humidity, altitude and state c the soil in
those fortunate localities where pneumo
nia is practically non-existent.
"It will be recalled that the Eskimos
brought back by Commander Peary from
the arctic regions several years ago prac
tically all succumbed to pneumonia soon
after reaching New York. Yet the disease
is unknown in their home climate. In a
recent lecture Commander Peary made
the statement that during his latest trip
to the Far North none of his party suf
fered from coughs or colds, yet they lived
for many months in a temperature of
from 25 to 75 degrees below zero. No
sooner did they get back to this country
than all were taken down with respiratory
The problem presented by the very large
and constantly increasing death rate from
pneumonia has been such a cause of seri
ous concern to the New York City Board
wire nails and broken glass 1n the way
she said it "Miriam, I think it wa
high time you retired!"
"Bully for you. old girl!" I sings
out. "And I say, I'll giv- you a dollar
If you'll lock her in until I can gel
Perhaps that 'was a low-down thing
to say, but I couldn't .help lettin" It
come. I didn't wait for any. more re
marks from either of 'em. but I grabs
my hat and makes a dasli across lota.
I never stopped runnln until I fetched
the station and it wasn't until after
the train pulled out that I breathed
Bein' safe here in the studio, with
Swifty on guard, I might grin at the
whole thing, if it wasn't for that laugh
of Sadie's. That cut in deep. Two or
three days later I hears from Pinckney.
"Shorty," says he, "you're a wonder.
I fancy you don't know what you did
In getting so chummy with Miriam
under the very nose of that old watch
dog aunt of hers. Why, I know of fel
lows who've waited years for that
"Back up!" says I. . "She's a freak.
"But Miriam's worth three or four
millions," says he.
"I don't care if she owns a bond fac
tory," says I. "I'm no bone connois
seur, nor I don't make a specialty of
collectin autumn leaves. Do you know
what I'd do if I was her aunt?"
"What?" says he.
"Well," says I, "I'd hang a red lan
tern on her."
(Copyright Associated Sunday Maga
of Health that a medical commission was
appointed by the board to conduct an in
vestigation and find out, if possible, the
causes for the great prevalence of pneu
monia in the city. This commission ia
composed of Dr. Edward G. Janeway, Dr.
William Osier, of Baltimore; Dr. T.
Mitchell Prudden, Dr. Theobald Smith,
of Boston; Dr. William H. Welch, of
Baltimore, Dr. Frank Billings, of Balti
more, Dr. John H. Musser, of Philadel
phia; Dr. L. Emmctt Holt and Dr. Francis
The commission and its assistants spent
a great deal of time in investigating the
vagaries of the pneumococcus, the specific
germ of pneumonia. It Is a rather large,
lancet-shaped creature, as germs go, and
nearly always travels in pairs. It de
velops with unbelievable rapidity; millions
of the germs may be found in a single
culture. After an exhaustive series of
experiments the commission set forth this
"It seems, therefore, more than prob
able that practically every individual, at
least during the Winter season, when ex
posed to environmental conditions such
as those existing In New Y'ork City, acts
as the host at some time or other, and
probably at repeated intervals, of organ
isms of the true pneumococcus type."
The work of the commission was neces
sarily largely technical in "character, but
it established the fact that pneumonia
germs are prevalent even Unhealthy per
sons, and that the disease probably in
communicable. Under natural conditions
these germs do not muKiply to any ex
tent; persons in good health, therefore,
can fight them off, as a rule. One of the
chief dangers, however, is apparently
from infection. Pneumonia can be taken
by infection the same it would seem as
any other infectious disease. This fact is
a very important one Inasmuch as now
that the infectious nature of pneumonln,
Is known it can, to some extent, be ward
ed off by precautionary methods at the
These are some further interesting facta
brought out by the commission:
Two-thirds of the patients suffering
from pneumonia that it examined wore
unmarried. Of the remainder 29 per cent,
were widowed. -
Only about 16 per cent followed outdoor
More than half the patients lived in
tenements. Most of the Philadelphia
cases lived in private houses. The prj
portion of lodging and boarding-house
cases was high in Philadelphia and Chi
cago. In only 16 per cent of cases were th3
sanitary conditions escribed as bad. i
10 per cent the air space was said to be
Insufficient; in 15 per cent the ventila
tion was bad. and in nine per cent the
light was unsatisfactory. In 70 per cent
the premises were overheated.
Oh, my baby child, Decatur.
Don't go near that radiator!
Precious little locks of gold.
You will catch your death of cold!
Don't you see? Have you not noted
How with fropt the heater's coated?
Icy iciHes abound it
See what glacierettes surround it!
For. Decatur, you must Know
How the Jant., 'way down below.
Fills those pipes with steam. I'm told;
But that steam grows very cold.
Thus, as through the pipes it squeezes.
All that vapor quickly freeses
Long- before our flat Is reached
That old Jant. should be impeached.
So be careful, darling baby.
Don't go near it. love, or maybe
You'll get grippe, or even freeze
Heaven's sake! He's going to aneegel