r
THE SUXDAY OREGOXIAX. 'PORTLAND. 31 AY- 10, 1908.
9
"WHEN MILLIONAIRES BEGIN- TO TALICYOU
WONDER HOW THEY GOT IT "$M5 THE HOTEL Offl
ETJffF&Vs: CQS3
"J
AIN'T seen lately where John D.'s
been talking any," .said the House
Detective of the Hotel St. Beck-
Jess. "He ain't sick. Is he?"
"I understand he's enjoying his usual
good health, conservatively estimated to
be J64 a minute," said the Hotel Clerk,
"but I think ho suspended his conversa
tioncs on advice."
"Wuz It the advice of his doctor, d'ye
s'pose?" asked the House Detective.
"Well," said the Hotel Clerk, "I'm not
what you could call In the deep confi
dences of the Rockefeller family, but I
have a shrewd suspicion that it was
probably on the advice of his lawyer. I
haven't heard of Uncle John D. indulging
in many oratorical outpourings since that
timo last Summer -when he mounted the
witness chair out in Chicago and ex
plained the innate and constitutional
purity of Standard Oil so conclusively
that tho Judgu only fined 'em $29,000,000.
In fact, a dense and deafening wave of
silence appears to have descended upon
quite a number of our wealthiest gentle
men who were lately talking extensively
for tho public prints and also Harper's
Weekly. A few short months ago a
stranger entering Mr. Harriman's office
would heaj- a loud twittering sound. It
was only Mr. Harriman being inter
viewed by all tlie lady special writers
in town on tho 'Science of Train-Wrecking
as an Inside Job,' or some other
congenial topic, but it sounded like
throwing a seed cooky into the canary
CHge. Today, if you should put on a re
porter's badge and drop in on him for
the purpose of asking a few questions,
you'd get the same result .as if you were
serenading the laundry -windows of a
deaf and dumb asylum at a quarter past
2 o'clock on a snowy morning early in
January of a hard Winter. And that's
the way it used to be, Larry, and that's
the way It ought to be. I'm glad to see
them getting buck to first principles once
more.
"You remember how it was a year or
so back before this vocal madness de
scended on our leading captains of
finance. In those days, John D. Rocke
feller thought as much of a reporter as
he did of a process-server, and his regard
for a process-server was only equaled
by the love which the historic tarantula
cherished for tho traditional tarantula.
The only way a newspaper man could
get within yelling distance of J. Plerpont
Morgan was to disguise himself' as an
old master and apply at the tradesman's
door of the Morgan mansion, carry a
Venus de Medicine or a Castor or Pol
linaris or some other diety from the an
cient Greek pharmacopoea. under his
Arm. On being approached by a mem
ber of tho press, Andrew Carnegie was
about as conversational as a small saucer
of cold oatmeal. K. H. Harrfman could
engage In his favorite occupation of pull
ing a railroad out and then pushing It in
again, the same as a German performing
on an accordion, for days at a time with
out once expressing a desire to be seen
by anybody from one of the daily publi
cations. If a muckraker broke In on him
unawares, he cuddled down behind his
mustache and tried to pass for a set of
military hair brushes.
"All of a sudden there came a change.
You never saw such a rush of capitalists
all trying to turn out tbe -words and
music simultaneously. H. H. Rogers liad
his picture taken in 75 poses, and hired
a press agent who'd done publictizing for
some of the most prominent ingenues in
the business. Rockefeller's Thursday af
ternoons for reporters,, with malted milk
and dipped toast. Baptist style, became a
recognized institution. It's a mistake to
think the moist and lingering soul kiss
is a new thing, Larry. It really dates
from tho time Mr. Rockefeller came back
from that European tour of his, and was
so glad to see so many reporters at the
dock. He sent best reagrds to Link
Steffens from the gang plank. After
that, we used to read! In the newspapers
that, passing through Illinois, he'd stop
bis private car, the Idatarbella, to tell
the editor of the Carbondale Tri-Weekly
Independent-News-Democrat that any
young man starting in life, as he'd done,
with $30 in cash, and honesty, as his only
assets, could succeed in business, and
still keep the fifty. Reporters approach
ing air. Harriman's residence on business,
found Jhim lying across the doorway
where the door mat is usually found, with
the word "Welcome" embroidered on his
shirt bosom in electric lights.
"But on the whole I-don't think the
experiment turned out a pronounced suc
cess. Carnegie, down at Hempstead
making armor plate while his Pinkerton's
made orphans, was a, small silent man.
Carnegie, conferring impromptu orations
and libraries on the county at large, was
no longer silent. But still just as small
or even smaller, I couldn't see very much
ground for hurling the hot house en
coniums at Mr. Rockefeller's style of
voice delivers-, either. It seemed to me
I'd liked him better -when he was a
human geological exhibit with a gleam
in his eye dating back to the glacial
period and a smile like a scam on some
old red sandstone. As long as one of
the ' Nothing - But - Brotherhood slides
around saying nothing, and, making shore
Ice, we fear him and we respect him be
cause we do fear him. But when he
opens his face so far that we can look
down on him and observe that he has the
same sort of interior decoration that a
necktie salesman has, and when he be
gins to pass out a choice line of raspberry
shrub remarks, we may still fear him,
but we lose some of the respect. Up
until that time, we're been wondering
why lie ever accumulated so muoh coin.
After we hear him talk, we quit wonder
ing why and - begin to wonder how.
There's not a nlne-hundred-dollar-a-year
county school superintendent in Indiana
that can't talk forget-me-not borders
around any multy-millionaire on earth.
We never really begin to sihorten a man's
measure until he opens up. That's where
the Sphinx has it all over Mammoth
Cave. One stands for mystery and in
scrutable wisdom and Cook's tours up the
Nile, and the other stands for a loud
roaring sound and no privacy whatever.
"Larry, there comes a time in the life
of every man who's too rich when you
have to watch him very closely. It's
usually along about the time when he
quits having emotions and begins to have
symptoms. He's spent 40 or 50 years
taking it away from the populace with
one hand, and spiking It down with the
other. Up until that time, his main re
gret has been that he didn't' have as
many arms as one of those spidery East
Indian gods so's lie could take It away
from 'em faster. Unexpectedly he wakes
up some morning to a realization that
he's not getting such a big run for his
money. He probably has a son with one
of those brain-proof skulls and a bright,
expressive face, like a German carp
most rich men have that kind and while
he's been -wearing dollar undershirts.
Young Hopeful's been making it possible
for the dealers to handle pyjamas retail
ing for $37.50, at a profit. He also finds
he's got a lot of daughters that, matri
monially Bpeaking, are chiefly useful for
the European export trade. They have
what the society editresses call interest
ing faces. When you read, Larry, in the
account of the marriage of a rich man's
child to a foreign duke that the bride has
an interesting face, you can rest assured
that's what she's got, and not only Inter
esting, but almost startling. I've noticed
that most of the millionaires' daughters
have that brand of face. I don't know
why,- but they do. I think, maybe, It's
the money breaking outf on them.
"So, as I was saying, our poor rich
man wakes up. He decides that he ought
to jump right on the merry-go-round and
begin to snntcli the brass rings. If he
undertakes to eschew his customary
streetcar, and go in for something fancy,
the dealers sting him. His horses never
are broke, and bis automobiles always
are. If he falls to the lure of the steam
yacht, he discovers as soon as he gets
out of sight of lurid that he lost his sea
legs about the time he parted from his
shore hair and his inland teeth. The last
tiling he ate gives the death-rattle in his
throat, and they have to take him out
on the back porch of the yacht and drape
him over the rail and let him voice his
sincere regrets to the vasty deep. 11c
may decorate his wife with so much jew
elry that she'll never have to wear heavy
underclothes again, but she'll still have
those same large, broad, common-sense
feet, and even in her cut Jet and black
velvet, the casual bystander will be able
to tell that in her earlier days she must
have known a good deal about stoking a
kitchen range.
"Or else he suddenly wants to talk for
publication, and that's worse. He ought
to stay consistent to the end. , If he
hasn't been a spender, he oughtn't to try,
because It takes practice to do it grace
fully, and the same with handling the
language. Ills descendants will Wk
after those details for him 'after he's
dead. If you don't believe it, I call your
attention to the Goulds and the l'haws
and a few others.
"There's one old boy stopping here that
fulfills my ideals of bow a confirmed
coln-colleetor ought to round out his ca
reer. Kven with his nightshirt orrr 1 11
bet you he still resembles 9 per cent and
approved security. He has an eye like
an undertaker's night bell, and a profile
like a canopener. When he smiles, he
makes you think of a man drawing a
knife. There are little red and blue
lines in his cheeks, like those you see
In a new dollar bill. When he dies, noth
ing'll grow on his grave except little
long green flowers that bloom every 90
days like a promissory note. Any time
he gave you something for nothing, and
you tried to hoek it, you'd be charged
storage by any self-respecting pawn
broker. You can look at the back of
his neck, and know that when a dollar
gets into his custody, the eagle loses the
need of Its wings forcvermore.
"But I like him to be that way, Larry.
He's a living picture of what money will
do for you when you haven't got any
thing els-:e. Every time I see him and re
flect that Bradstreet gives him one of
those XXX ratings, like a barrel of pat
ent flour, I get more and more recon
ciled-to being poor."
"You couldn't take his money, I
s'pose?" said the House Detective.
"His money?" said the Hotel Clerk.'
"Larry, you couldn't take his tempera-
ture."
WHERE CITY'S GIRLS ARE TAUGHT TO COOK
Two Local Institutions Impart Knowledge in Most
Useful Art of Housewifery
pijuwiu'.jip imiii.i m
P'V'--J'-"S" J'
BY LILIAN TINGLE.
YOIT will find very few people
nowadays who do not assent in
a general way to the proposition
that every girl, no matter what her po
sition In life, should know something
of the principles of cooking and house
keeping if ehe is to become a healthy,
normal, useful member of society.
The difficulty is, however, to secure
Instruction In these matters; for In
spite of some women who will assure
you that they are "just natural born
cooks," good cooking and housekeeping
re not matters that "come by na
ture," or can be "Just picked up." !
Careful training by the mother In
the home is most desirable; but there
are very many homes where this is not
possible, and many mothers who lack
either time or knowledge, or teaching'
ability.
There are two institutions in Port
land where an attempt is being made
to solv tills problem by practical cook
ing classes for little girls. The long
"waitinfr lists" of these classes, both
at the People's Institute (Fourth and
Rurnslde) and the Neighborhood Houee
(427 First street) show that the work
is helpful and appreciated by parents
and pupils alike.
The classes at each Institution are in
charge of Mrs. E. R. Miller, the well
known . domestic science teacher and
clubwoman. At the institute, Mrs.
Miller is assisted by Miss Mabel WeW
ler. Miss Nella Wesslnger, Mrs. Page,
Miss Hattie Jellison. Miss Louise Van
Duser and Miss Leslie Knapp.
On Saturdays, from 2 to 5, ' two
courses are given, one for "juniors,"
the other for "seniors." ranging in age
from 12 to 16. Careful records of work
are kept and diplomas are granted at
the end of the year to those who have
none well. Each little cook has her
own red bag containing her uniform of
whito cap, apron and sleeves, and her
neat, oilcloth-covered notebook.
The lessons are arranged so that
each forms a simple and inexpensive
meal breakfast, luncheon or dinner.
COOKING- SCHOOL, THEL TZ?0&ZJZ:S JVSTITCSTZL
iui . wiu?r.g.r4i "lit; ,',' f i,-.-wr,.v ?Vl'Jk m
'.up
vHT II - -"U F K't I I" -I 1 ill ?. 3 t ?K
as the ease may be, suitable for im
mediate application In home practice.
An important part of the lesson Is the
neat and orderly setting of the table
and service of these meals. Two mem
bers of the class. In turn, wait upon
the others, who thus test and enjoy
what they have made.
Most of these little girls do cooking
at home. Sometimes they help a busy
mother; sometimes the mother is ab
sent at work and the young cook has
the responsibility of all the family
meals. In any case, she is learning
not only valuable lessons about the
right way of doing things, but also
about the right attituiTe towards work
of this kind. She is losing false and
snobbish ideas about the "drudgery"
and "degradation" of domestic work,
and seeing that It may be not only
useful, but enjoyable and uplifting.
Any occupation may be "drudgery" if
one makes it so.
At the Neighborhood House the les
sons are held on Thursday afternoon
and are somewhat shorter, since the
pupils cannot come until after school.
For this reason, and owing to the
small size of the room and the large
size of the class (24 members) it is not
found practicable to serve a complete
meal on every occasion: but some very
excellent work' Is accomplished. -Whlltf
there is no restriction as to race or
creed, this class is intended primarily
for the children of orthodox Jewish
parents, and care is taken in the les
sons to conform in all respects to the
dietary laws.
Here, again, many of the pupils do
the family cooking at home, and many
parents have thanked the teacher and
the institution for the useful instruc
tion given. It Is hoped that in course
of time both space and equipment can
be considerably increased and thy
scope of this particular "branch of the
valuable activities of the Neighborhood
Holism may be still further increased.
The average age of this class is 12
years just the age when a girl seems
to take most readily to domestic-occupations.
Can't you recall many in
stances where girls of 11, 12 or 13 have
done marvels of housekeeping during
the absence or sickness of the mother,
usually doing far better than girls of
17, 18 or 19?
The Neighborhood House class uni
form consists of blue striped gingham
cap, apron and sleeves, the result be
ing quite picturesque. Omelets, for
the Juniors, and sponge cake, for the
seniors, were lesson topics the day I
was there, and the products were most
creditable in all cases.
Miss Germaine .Samuel and Mrs.
Colin assist Mrs. Miller in these very
interesting classes.
Dotty Dolly's Riddle.
By May Delllng-.
"Guess my riddle, Mr. Man."
said little Dotty Dolly Drake.
'If brother Jack a flower was
Tell what one he best would make.
"A round and pink carnation.
Because his cheeks are pink?
A pretty poppy, 'cause they're red?
I'm sure I cannot think!
"Or is he like a tulip.
Because two lipa has he?
It isn't lady-slipper.
For a lady he can't be.
"Perhaps it's a sunflower.
As he rises with tlie sun
So he can play football enough
Before the day Is done?"
But little Dotty Dolly Drake
(Just shook her curly head:
"Oh. can't you Ruess. you stupid man!'
And then she laughing- said:
"I'll have to tell you. it's so "hard.
My own cftii-nun-do-rum.
Why. with his yellow foothall hair.
He'd be a chryasthemum!"