The Sunday Oregonian., July 21, 1907, Magazine Section, Page 11, Image 51

THE . STJXDAY OKEGOXIAX, FORTXAXD, JTTLT 21, 1907.
11
TfiAT PLACETHAT
DOES CONTAIN Mr?f
Companions is to-
MS A glorious
HOURLY I CONVERSI
WITn OLD SAGES
AND PHILOSOPHERS:;
V Jr'!eZch&v. . V
The limit of WetHh, by Alfred 1. Hutchln
011. The Macmlllan Co.. New York City.
Rather a serious document appealing to
the imagination than a novel, and recall
ing the -'brilliant fanclej of Bellamy's
"looking Backward." .
Mr. Hutchinson pictures a great polit
ical revolution which is supposed to take
place at the Presidential electon of 1912.
when the country takes action on a pro
posal that the amount of money any one
can accumulate will be limited by the
United States Government. A new polit
ical party railed the Distributors sweeps
the country and enact laws allowing a
man to dispose of, by will, no more than
11,000.000. and providing that all property
accumulated by any person- In excess of
that -amount should at his death pass to
the Government. The latter distributes
this surplus wealth among the people, by
the construction of great publie works,
roads, etc A mistake or error In Judg
ment appears to have been made by Mr.
Hutchinson In stating; that In the election
he describes every person who had, gone
before the electors as a Distributor was
elected a manifest impossibility.
Of compulsory citizenship the book says:
To prevent any party from coming into
power that might result disastrously to the
people, without conaent of a majority of the
voters, a Federal law m-as enacted which
obligated every qualified elector to vole
upon every proportion or election submitted
to the people. Even sickness did not w
ruae .one. If the Illness did not affect the
free action of the mind, and where a voter
aas-unahle to attend the polls he was re
quired to- aend notice to the Inspectors of
election, when he would be vialted by three
special Inspectors, who took his ballot under
cal and deposited it In the ballot box of
his precinct. Nor was sbsence from - the
precinct a proper excuse for not voting, but
every qualified elector was supposed to be
in Ms precinct and register on the Satur
day preceding election and to remain In the
precinct till he had voted. In case, how
ever, he were outside the state when a spa-,
rial aleetlon occurred, or in case he were In
a foreign country when a general - election
took place, in such cases only might his
absence be an excuse for not voting.
Read this attractive vision of an Amer
Jcan road In the year 19:
' That great military thoroughfare of the
Roman world, known as the Applan "Way,
reaching from Rome to Brundislum. was
but fifteen feet wide, yet seventy years
elapsed between Its commencement and Its
completion. The great thoroughfare of the
American republic, unlike that of her sister
republic of old. was constructed for' the
pleasures of the people and not' for the
purposes of war. Beaching from ocean to
ocean, with branches leading North and
South to all the large cities of the nation.
It was fijlly 7000 miles long, and was com
pleted within ten years from Its commence
ment. No less than 600.000 men and women
mere employed from the beginning, which
number increased from time to time till
the maximum number of people directly em
ployed In Its construction approximated
5.000.000.
The latest and most Improved machinery
was employed In all parts of the work, and
with the wonderful storage-battery power,
the rhystcial work of the laborers was al
most nothing. It was rather a great school
of training rather thas a laborious work,
and It developed all the latent talents and
Intellectual abilities of Its pupils.
Thts great avenue extending from "Boston
In New Tork. from New Tork to Philadel
phia anil Washington, and from New York
via Chicago to San Francisco, had branches i
extending to all near-by large cities, while I
t-o main croas-avenues were those extend-
Ing from Minneapolis via Milwaukee to Chi- I
capo and tnence 10 bi. ujuib uu
leans. and from the Grand Canyon of the
Colorado via Ogden to the Yellowstone
Park. ,
The specifications for this stupendous
work required the avenue to be twelve rods
or 198 feet wide, about three times the
width of the ordinary highway. It was di
vided Into four parts. Through the center
a width of twenty feet was devoted to
grasses and flowering plants; on either side
of the center strip was a roadway eighty
feet In width, one of which was for the ex
clusive use of vehicles drawn by horses, and
the pther was for the exclusive use of auto-vehicles.
The remaining nine feet on
either side was devoted to sidewalks and
retaining walls.
A Manual of Tersonal Hygiene, edited by
Walter L. Uyle. M. D. 11.90. W. B. Saun
ders Co.. Philadelphia.
The revised third edition of a famous
book which plainly sets forth the best
means of developing and maintaining
physical and mental vigor. It is up-to-date
in every respect, the most notable
additions being an illustrated system of
home gymnastics, a chapter on domestic
hvgiene. an appendix containing the sim
pler methods of hydrotherapy, thermo
tlierapy and mechanotherapy, and a sec
tion on first aid in medical and suglcal
accidents and emergencies. The con
tributors are celebrated American medi
cal experts, and the optimistic message
teaching how to keep well ought to be In
every home.
It was said recently by one competent
to Judge that a thoroughly well person
after middle life is the exception In every
community, and that on every side we
And chronic complaint, physical weak
ness, weariness and overwhelming gloom,
which might have been prevented by
proper, timely instruction. Any large
city demonstrates the fact that there Is
an increasing number of physical and
moral 'wrecks, victims of the modern
habit of worry. Now, no other assistance
on earth can take the place of that given
by a trained medical man, but It Is im
possible to have these experts always at
one elbow. Therefore, the book under
review has a mission and to come under
Its beneficent spell, how to keep healthy,
one should read it carefully. All super-
fluous technicalities have been avoided,
and the general arrangement of the book
based on common sense ltnes can be
commended.
The Vision of a City, by Henry Dumont. 11.
The Whltaker & Ray Co., San Francisco.
Pulsing with purity of sentiment and
utterly different from the "smart" verse
of young writers, these 40 poems may
be read with profit. What a pity, how
ever, they are in the same mood througu
out. unnecessarily serious.
On page 26 the wbrds are used, "un
purged eyes," while good paper is need
lessly wasted In printing the quatrains,
four lines to each page. Mr. Dumont has
not a warrior soul, but rather lnoltnes.to
the Hagne way of thinking, lie writes on
"War":
A clash of arms and death: a hush
On horrors of which death Is least.
Soon dying ears shall hear the rush
Of vultures crowding to the feast.
In his lines "To a Toad," Mr. Dumont
speaks of "Thou poor, half-living brother
worm."
Trade and Currency in Early Oregon, by
.Tames Henry Gilbert, Ph. D. The Colum
bia University Press, New York City. .
Issued as a part of the studies In his
tory, economics and public law, and edit
ed by the faculty of political science of
Columbia University, this book In blue
paper covers is a most Interesting addi
tion to the growing literature of the
Oregon country and cannot fail to -win
the attention It deserves.
Dr. Gilbert says that his acquaintance
with the subject matter of his mono
graph began some two years ago with
an Inquiry Into the fiscal history of this
etate. With a wealth of material to
chODse from, he undertook the taek of
tracing: the development from the com
modity currencies of the hunting and
early agricultural periods, to the solution
of the legal tender problem" at the close
of the Civil War.
It is shown that furs were exchanged
directly for assorted goods. Then the
process was complicated somewhat by
the barter of wheat for furs, and that
ultimately agricultural products were ex
changed for goM dust, which through the
operation of coiuAe became the metallic
money of the Pacific Coast. The golden
days of the Hudson Bay Company and
the Northwest Company are glowingly
recalled, days when the Hudson Bay
Company from 16W to .1800 found that Its
profits averaged from 60 to 70 per cent.
Dr. Gilbert gives credit to the files of
The Oregonian for data relating to re
search work.
The Shadow of a Great Rock, by William R
.. l..lshton. G. P. Putnam' Sons, New
York City.
Abounding in strong plot, this novel
describes an emigrants' train journey
ing across Nebraska to the then un
known -Western land in the Summer
of 1854. The best word picture shown
is that describing a tight between
homeseekers and Sioux Indians In
which the latter are defeated with
heavy slaughter. The incidents re
corded on the lonely prairie must
parallel experiences of Oregon pioneers
crossing the great plains. Mr. Llgh
ton throws dash and color into his
novel for instance:
Across the burnt apace from the hills,
like an aftermath of the fire, swept a horde
of the Sioux, flying like dusky phantoms.
"Walt! wait!" Frick shouted, his voice
shrill with frenzy. "Aim and shoot low.
Watt. Now fire."
Then came the shock and terror of chaos.
The effect of the close-range volley was
murderous, & the men knew by the screams
of mortal agony. But the Sioux were too
near and the charge too impetuous to be
checked. With Inhuman rage the Indian
line flung Itself against the barricade,
ponies and men In inextricable confusion,
with a din of outcry and the flash and rat
tle of rifle shots. The cool-headed ones
amongst the defenders lay In their place of
retreat beneath the wagons, crouched to the
ground, loading and firing as they could,
careful that every shot should count to the
utmost.
The fury of the onset drove others out of
their shelter, backed toward the center of
the camp, where they stood together fight
ing, every man for himself. The barricade
had withstood the. shock perfectly, save In
one place, wftete an emigrant's wagon was
overturned, making a gap In the line.
Through this gap a' half-dozen of the sav
ages plunged with reckless daring, falling
upon the group within; and there the fight
ing was almost breast to breast.
But It is not all storm. Jack For
ester and Mark Bailey carry on most
of the action as men of the plains and
their doings are graphically described,
while an agreeable love tale brightens
th-s picture. J. M. Q. 4
IilBBARY AND WORKSHOP.
The Shadow of a Great Rock" was re
ceived through the courtesy of TJh-a J. K.
Gill Co.
Tf old clocks are a subject of Interest to
you, there is an article In the July number
of Country Life In America which would
be an admirable guide to tak on tours to
the antique chops. This Is the ninth ar
ticle of a series on "Antiques and Collect
ing." and It Is full of Interesting facta
about the clocks of our ancestors. .
A eorely distressed-Insomniac In Baltimore
says she was completely cured by having
Henry James. "The Ambassadors' read
aloud to her by a trained nurse. But, re
marks the Louisville Courier-Journal, the
tale is improbable, because there Is no
theory upon whlcn we can account for the
nurse having stayed awake to do the read
ing. .
According to their usual custom, the pub
lishers have made the July Issue of The
World's Work the uplift number, in this
issue is an article by C. M. Key.a, entitled
"The Uplift of the World." Mr. Keves'
article has over 20 Illustrations which give
a glimpse Into the far-away corners of the
world where the last strongholds of bar
barism axe yielding to civilization.
Mrs. Frances Hodgson Burnett's "The
Shuttle" will reach a dramatic turning
point In the August Century; and most
readers of Elizabeth Robins "Come and
Find Me" will find it also developing tense
interest. The magazine, the Midsummer
holiday number, will have short stories also
by Rebecca Lane Hooper, David Gray, An
n'la B. P. Searing, Wllla Elbert Gather and
Reginald Wright Kauffman.
.
Alnslee's for August has the second In
stallment of Robert Hltchens new story of
the desert, "Barbary Sheep." Mr. Httchena
has never done a better piece of work than
this, not even in "The Garden of Allah."
which it resembles so far as environment
and atmosphere are concerned. Into thta"
he has woven a thrilling tale of an Eng
lishman's adventures with an Arab, who la
an officer In the French army.
-
In one of his addresses Included in "The
Citizen's part in Governm-fit" (Scrlbnefs)
Secretary Root tells a story on Murat Hal
stead. "Mr. Halstead," he says, "once told
ma how. being a young newspaper corre-.
pondent during the Civil War, he had felt
moved to write a long letter to Secretary
Stanton giving; his -views about the matters
tn which the Secretary was engaged, and
how. many years afterward, this letter-was
found on the files of the War Department
indorsed. In Stantons' own handwriting:
" 'M. Halstead Tells how the war ought
to be carried on.
"Mr. Halstead, telling the story- in later
years, said this was the only evidence he
had ever known that Stanton- possessed a
sense of humor..'
'
The most important Autumn publications
of the Baker & Taylor Co. will be "The
Autobiography of Generals O. O. Howard,
Professor Woodberry's "Appreciation of
Literature," "The Challenge of the Cities."
a sociological work by Dr. Joslah Strong,
and "The Man of Sark." a romance of the
Channel Islands, by John Oxenham, author
of "The Open Hoad," recently published by
the - Macmillans.
Among fh most important announce
ments of Fall publications la Maurice Hew
lett's "The Stooping Lady," which has been
running as a serial in The Bookman, and
which will be Issued In book form by Dodd.
Mead & Co. Two other new novels are
also announced for Fall publication "The
Halo," by Bettina von Hutten, author of
"Pam," and "The Heart of Jessie Laurie."
by Amelia E- Barr. George Bernard Shaw's
"Passion, Poison and Petrification" is also
on the Autumn list.-
In the Napoleonio period the British Min
ister at the court of Hesse-Cassel, Brook
Taylor, was charged by the Emperor with
being Implicated In a plot to procure his
assassination. A lively quarrel between
Napoleon and the elector turned upon the
former's demand for the dismissal of Tay
lor. A Ralph Heathcote was at that time
secretary to Taylor, and his letters, which
are said to deal at some length with the
queer business, are aoon to be published by
the writer's granddaughter. Countess Gun
ther Droben.
What would you think of a railroad given
over to the control of ex-cowmen and gulch
miners and the driftwood of humanity? In
the August Popular, Francis Lynde gives
an Inherent account of Just such a state of
affairs. He tells how In the search for a
man to bring order out of chaoa the choice
fell upon a self-confessed coward, a good
living, right-thinking, upright, but hitherto
untried man who had always been content
to take the path of least resistance and
preferred to walk round even; the smallest
obstacle . rather than -butt against it. The
story tells, how he "found" himself, and
the strenuous efforts he was compelled to
take in "civilizing" the Red Butte Western
Railroad. There la a pretty love theme
running through the novel.
Writing of Thomas Nelson Page in the
current issue of the Atlantic Monthly. Ed
win Mtms remarks: "In all his interpreta
tion of the South Mr. Page has never struck
a sectional note. There la provincialism
the healthy provincialism of Burns and
Whlttier but ie is right in claiming, in
the Introduction to the Plantation Edition,
that he has 'never wittingly written a line
which he did not hope might tend to bring
about a better understanding between the
North and the South, and finally lead to a
more perfect Un4on.' 4n hie stories when
the passion of prejudice is at its height,
human nature asserts itself..- The Two Lit
tle Confederates bury In their garden the
body of the Federal soldier; the heroine
of Meh Lady,' after a long and passionate
conflict between love and patriotism, yields
to the Northern colonel; and the hero of
Red Rock dashing soldier and Ku Klux
leader Is . united with the. Northern gin.
Mr. Page has been one of the prime forces
of revealing the South to the Nation and
the Nation to the South, thus furthering
the most Important work of the present
generation the promotion of a real Na
tional spirit."
In Uncle Reruns' Magazine -for the cur
rent month appears this appreciation of
John Fleming Wilson, of this city, and some
time ago a memher of The Oregonlan's
staff: John Fleming Wilson Is not a writ
er hitherto unknown to the reading public,
for from time to time during the pant three
years he has been a contributor to the popu
lar magazines of the country. But in "The
Schooner Mary E. Fester: Guardian," pub
lished in the June number of this magazine,
he wrote what must be regarded as a gen
uinely big short story one of the finest
published In the last decade. It was a
new story, and was handled with sympathy
and strength. It marked a distinct advance
In Mr. Wilson's art, and he may be counted
as one of the most notable of recent literary
arrival.
Mr. Wilson was graduated from Princeton
(after much difficulty, he says with a
reminiscent grin) about ax years ago, en
tering newspaper work on the Pacific Coast
after leaving college. As reporter for the
Sana Francisco Chronicle and subsequently
the Honolulu Commercial-Advertiser he
came in contact with many of the Incidents
he utilizes so vividly In his stories. For
several years he was a regular contributor
to the Argonaut, becoming Its editor a few
months before the earthquake in San Fran
cisco. His work has taken him into Eastern
Siberia, Japan. Central America, the West
Indies and coastwi.se on both the Atlantic
ana Pacific. He has seen a good deal of
the sea and Its folk, the Islands and their
inhabitants, and, like a good reporter, he
has noted them.
In the new novel by the author of "Elis
abeth and Her German Garden" and "The
Princess Priscilji's Fortnight," called "Frau
leln Schmidt and Mr. Anstruther," the her
oine describes, in a letter, meeting the son
of a neighbor. "Oh, yes; the son. Well,
he appeared a fortnight ago, brown and
hot, and with a knapsack, having walked
all the way from Berlin. -and is spending
his holiday with his people. For a day
or two I thought him quite ordinary. Ho
made rather silly jokes and wore a red
tie. Then one evening T heard lovely
sounds, lovely, floating, mellow sounds com
.ing up la floods through, the- orchard Into
my garden where I was propped against
a tree trunk watching a huge yellow moon
disentangling itself slowly from the mists
of Jena oh, but exquisite sounds, sound-
that throbbed into your soul and told it all
It wanted to hear, showed It the way to
ail it was looking for. talked to it won
derfully of the possibilities of life. First,
they drew rr.e onto my feet, then they drew
me down the garden, thn through the or
chard, nearer and nearer, till at last I
stood beneath the open window they were
coming from, listening with all my ear.
Against the wall I leaned, holding my
breath; spell-bound, forced to ponder great
themes, themes of life and death, the music
falling like drops of liquid light in dark
and thirsty places. I don't know how long
it lasted or how long I stood there after
It was finished, but someone came to the
window and put - his head out into the
freshness, and what do you think he said?
He said 'Donnerwetter. wie man im slmmr
schwitzt.' And It was the son, brown and
hot, with a red tie."
In his newly published book, "White Hy
acinths." Elbert Hubbard says of his wifa:
"To make a better woman than Alice Hub
bard, one would have to take the talents
and graces of many great women and omit
their faults. If she is a departure in some
minor respects from a perfect standard, it
is probably .because she lives in a faulty
world, with a faulty man, and deals with
faulty folks, a few of whom,, doubtless,
will peruse this article.
'When Charles Klngsley was asked to
name the secret of his success, he replied:
'I had a friend.
'If asked the same question,.-' I would
give the enme answer.
"1 might also explain that -my friend Is
a woman. '
"This woman is my wlfe.legally and oth
erwise. .
"She Is also my - comrade, my compan
ion, my chum, my business partner.
"There has long ,becn a suspicion that
when God said 'l-'will make a helpmet'
for man the remark was a subtle bit M.
sarcasm.
"However, the woman of whom I am
speaking proves what God can do when
he concentrates on his work. My wife is
my helpmeet,, and 1 am hers. I do not
support her, rather, sh supports me. AH
T have .Irs hers not only do I trust her
with my heart, but with my pocKetbook.
And what I here write Is not a tombstone
testimonial, weighed with a granite sense
of loss, but a simple tribute of truth to a
woman who is yet 'on earth in full pos
session f her powers, her star still lit th
taVendant.
. "I know the great women of history. I
.know the qualities that go to make up, not
only the superior person but the one sub
limely great. Humanity is the raw stock
with which I work."
Strange adventures of literary people are
related by Francis Grlbble in "The Comedy
of; Literary Log-Rolling," published in the
Strand Magazine. To quote: Saint e-Beuve
increased the circulation of his books by
insisting upon fighting a duel in the rain
with an umbrella over his head. Gerard
d Nerval used to be seen in the streets of
Paris leading a lobster by a string. Mms.
Krudener, the author of '"Valerie, " and the
friend f Alexander X- of Russia, made the
fortune of her novel by catling at all the
Paris shops and asking for various articles
of dress "a la Valerie." Of Victor Hugo,
who just now is emerging from the cloud
of depreciation that settled over his name
soon after his death, and of Alexander Du
mas, the elder, the following stories are
told: ,
Nor was the great poet ashamed to roll
his log even at a funeral. He seized the op
portunity at the obsequies of one of his own
sons. It happened that, on the way to the
cemetery, the procession passed a traveling '
menagerie, and the lions, for whatever rea
son, stopped roaring Just as Victor Hugo was
in front of their cage. His companion, a
minor poet named Pelleport, drew his at
tention to the fact. "Master," he whisper
ed, "the lions recognize you and hush their
voices. The King of Beasts is silent in the
presence of the King of Men." Victor Hugo
bowed and turned the matter over In his
mind. Then, after meditation, he said: "Pel
leport, that was a happy thought of yours.
Couldn't you write something about . it?"
And Pelleport wrote a sonnet about It. and
the fame of the master stood on a higher
pinnacle than ever.
And finally there was the case of Du
mas, of whom It may almost be said that
his whole life was an advertisement. Some
one once said of him that his vanity was
such that he was capable of getting up be
hind his own carriage In order to demon
strate that he had a negro footman lnhis
service. He certainly 'did many things al
most as absurd "as that In his restless pur
suit of reclame. One of his delights was to
clothe his noble proportions In a uniform
and to embellish the uniform with decora
tions to which he was not entitled. He even
went so far as to himself design the uni
form. In which he fought or rather did not
fight, for he arrived after the righting was
over in Garibaldi's army; and he achieved
a tremendous advertisement by conducting
a well-known actress to a court ball to
which she had not been invited.
In discussing values of rare editions of
books, Andrew Lang says: Ten years ago
book hunters were ready to pay 3 for my
Juvenile rhymes, and for my "Aucassin and
NIcolette." I did not get the money, but
my vanity was flattered, while my respect
for human wisdom was lowered. ' Today,
however, the book collectors show -signs of
returning common sense.; There is a terrible
"slump In my first 'editions; about 12
6s is given where five guineas 'used to be
paid. I daresay the books will fall to par
(five shillings) or even below par, and I ad
vise holders to cut loose and sell a bear of
me, while there la yet time. One comfort
la that the les petite camarades are not more
In demand than myself. Even Matthew
Arnold's first editions are weak on a fall
ing market. "Poems by A" and "EmpeJo
cles on Etan" are very flat and sluggish;
and so are all the early editions of Victorian
singers, except the earliest and rarest things
of Tennyson and Browning. I have not ob
served that the early first editions of G. B.
Shaw are, quoted, but very special books only
occur at rare Intervals- I have remarked
only one copv of the "Odes" of 1746 which
Collins burned because nobody would buy
them-: From the original priA of one shill
ing, they have soared to 30, so I am glad
that I secured a fine large copy for 3.
The method said to be pursued by Mary
E. WUklns Freeman in writing her stories
Is different from that of most authors. Be
fore beginning a story, whether It Is to be
short or long, she plans It to the very end.
Not only the consecutive scenes of the story
are In her mind before she begins the open
ing paragraphs, but she has. also decided
upon the tenor of the conversation and much
of the actual language.
The new volumes by Alfred Noyes. "The
Flower of Old Japan," Just published, re
veals this remarkable young poet in a new
light to his American readers. The poems
contained in his earlier volume, striking
and original as they were, scarcely gave a
hint of the spirit that lurks In these new
poems. The two most Important pieces in
the new volume are "The Flower of Old
Japan' and "Forest of Wild Thyme." Both
of these are exquisite fantasies of child-life,
airy and unsubstantial In form, but full of
a deep seriousness underneath. Mr. Noyes
himself speaks of them as follows in a brief
preface: "It is, perhaps, because these poems
are almost light enough for a nonsense
book that I feel there Is something in
them more' elemental, - more eesential,
more worthy of serious consideration than
the most ponderous philosophical poem I
eould write. They are based on the funda
mental and very simple mystery of the uni
verse that anything, even a grain of sand
should exist at all."
Gerald Stanley Lee. the edltof of Mount
Tom, the little "all outdoors" magazlni,
published in Northampton, Mass., thus de
scribes his visit the other day to a New
York department store: ,"X put In my time
looking; behind the counters all those busy,
pale, yellow-lighted people in little holes or
stalls, trying to be human and natural In
that long, low indoor street of theirs, crowds
of women staring by them and picking at
things- Always that ' moving sidewalk of
questions, that dull, eager stream of con
sciousness sweeping by. No sunlight. Just
the crowds of covetousness and shrewdness
I always wonder about the clerks and what
they would be lfke at home or under an ap
ple tree, or each with a bit of blue aky to
go with them. They seemed, as I looked,
mostly poor underground creatures living
In a sort of subway of things In a hateful,
hard, little world of clothes, each with his
study or trick or knack of appearances,
standing there and selling people their good
looks day after day at so much a yard. I
suppose it Is not so, and that they are not
really as they look all those rows of pleas
ant, half-polite, half-enduring, pale, yellow,
lighted people. But I did feel like going
along and handing them out a Mount Tom
apiece."
"The Story of the Other Wise Man," by
Henry Van Dyke, has already been trans
lated into many foreign languages. Includ
ing such unusual ones as the Armenian and
Turkish, and the publishers of the book
have Just received an application from India
for permission to translate it into Bengal.
NEW BOOKS RECEIVED.
"The Care of the Baby," by J- P.
Griffith, M- D. Fourth edition.
(Saunders Co.
Crojier
1.50.
"Plan and Solid Geometry," by Edward
Rutledae Kobbin. Ji.lii- (A me Titan
Book Co.
flow a Boat
ASYLUM FOR
BT GLADDN GORIN'.
)tT might as well try to peddle
alarm clocks In a deaf and
dumb asylum as to Inveigle
me Into performing any more fancy
stunts," proclaimed Slang Jack Sher
wood the other evening as he contemp
tuously tore up a volume of Robinson
Crusoe In the High Wine Room of the
Ostracised Club?
"My last departure from the prosy
path was in covering the waterfront
for a month on the Dally Piccolo, at
Frogport, Oregon, and its golden-loving
cups to pewter thimbles that
never again will a bunch of scene
shifters be clustered together who
could touch the sjaff on that rag, and
I'm not using the word 'touch' in a
mercenary .way, either.
"The Piccolo was owned by an old
printer whose purse was Inclined to
obesity, he having made a wad of
money by a scratch in the mines. One
day In a mellow, reminscent mood, he
recalled that there was quite a herd
of derelict journalists ambling about
the country, and then and there In the
goodness of his heart,' he resolved to
establish a newspaper for their espe
cial benefit.
"Bill Swift"was the name o? this
charitable chap, and the. flock of lang
uage butchers he -had under his wing
certainly compelled "him '' to' go 'some.
Bill made it a rule that no one could
work on the Piccolo unless he had been
exiled at least five times from other
newspapers for becomingvover-bever-aged.
Any one owning a trunk or
watch was barred.
- "When I began " my marine painting
at Frogpost, the graft had been so
thoroughly advertised that cots had to
be placed in every available niche of
the Salvation Army barracks to ac
commodate the army of ellglbles.
"The city editor of the Piccolo had
wtrn a Journalistic groove from Bldde
ford. Me., to San Diego, Cal.. with a
breakover beginning at Paiatka, Fla.,
and terminating at Blaine, Wash.
Sometimes he used his shirt front for
an assignment book, and . his hair
was more than 26 ems long. They
called him Hank' for short, but this
is nothing to do ...with his unvarying
financial inefficiency.
"Jim Gatt, who did police and so
ciety, had, probably exasperated more
city editors and pestered more busi
ness office cashiers than there are
flaws in a packing house. He and I
roomed together, that is for a while,
until I was obliged to divorce him, as
he became so light-fingered that I had
to sleep on my pawn tickets to pre
vent him from annexing them. When
ever he got hilarious. Gatt would swell
around telling everybody that he was
Western correspondent for Hostetter's
Almanac, and there didn't seem a time
that you couldn't use his meal ticket
for a eribbage board.
"Jack Leggett, who covered the Court
house and politics, was surely the most
careless and forgetful fellow who ever
had his copy shopped. His conning tower
was so full of other and Irrelevant
things that he couldn't remember It if
any one owed him money.
"Bill's pedals became somewhat frosty
when Jack made the paper say that
Sheriff Johnson could not catch the small
pox in an epidemic. But when Leggett
got a story in the Piccolo, stating that
the leading society lady of Bonanza had
eaten a can of caviar, thinking it was
blackberry jam, Bill embossed "39" all
over him with the toe of his boot, and
Jack was again turned loose upon a cold
and cheerless world. The last we heard
of him he was driving a milk wagon in
La Grande:
"When it devolved upon Bill to plug
the vacancy caused by Jack's literary
gaiety, he wanted to sell the paper, but
finally reconsidered.
"Slips of paper with the names of the
waiting eligibles written upon them were
placed in a hat, and the Mayor of Bo
nanza, blindfolded, drew out the ticket
upon which was inscribed the title of
him who was to assist us in irritating
the community.
Lovick E. Bond was announced as Leg
gett's successor, and Bill and Bank
started for the barracks to claim the
human lottery prize.
"Bond said he was a native of the state
situated between Illinois and Kansas. He
possessed the legendary skepticism gen
erally attributed to sons of that com
monwealth In such a degree that he an
nointed his eyes with Missouri River
water every day. As he explained It. his
burning ambition was to be a piano-tuner,
and he began taking a correspondence
school course for the purpose of becom
ing a virtuoso in that line, but his dis
tant -tutors ere careless and mixed up
his lesson sheets with a treatise on boiler
riveting. This discouraged Lovick. so he
broke into the newspaper game by sign
ing as star reporter on the weekly In the
town of his birth.
- "But I shall have to relate in his own
'-- ' p
Race wrecked an
DlRELICT REPORTERS:
words the circumstances which impelled
him to leave home.
" 'Paw sold a lot of hogs in St. Louis."
Lovick said, 'and brought home one of
the durndest, fanciest bedsteads you ever
seen. The dog-gone thing was so purty
and pazzazatatin' that all my sisters
thought It must be a planner, and they
and maw fought and scratched and pulled
each other's hair, a scrappin' to see who
would play on It first. Well, the whole
thing started a hostile, family battle, and
ended In my beln' banished from home.
But I kept tellin' em all the time that
it wasn't a planner."
"When Bill heard this he almost
gulped down a pint of digitalis and
plunged his feet Into a bucket of scalding
water. Hank rushed to the composing
room and pulled out the only paying ad
we had on the front page.
"How did my ' name happen to be ex
punged from the payroll of the Piccolo?
"Well, It all seemed to occur in &
bunch.
"The Baxter River, which moistens one
edge of Frogport, was sparsely popu
lated with steamers that have merry-go-rounds
attached to the rear. The stream
never got so muddy that you couldn't see
the bottom, and I was afraid that some
one would come along with a sponge and
steal the freak of nature which secured
me a Job on the Piccolo.
"The flash packets on the Baxter were
the Cleopatra. 16 tons eight dwts. bur
then, and the Gasulle. . 38 tons seven
dwts. burthen. There was Intense rivalry
between - the captains of these boats,
which culminated in. their agreeing to
race from Jamestown to Frogport, a dis
tance of eight miles. Marquis of Lloyds
rules to govern; time spent on sand bars
to be deducted, an imperative that both
stick to the stream and refrain from
cutting across promontories. - News of
the coming marine contest circulated
rapldlv through the town, and in a short
time there was nothing of tangible value
that was not bet on the result.
"The captain of the Gazelle and Bill
were great pals, and as that boat's wheel
possessed six more paddles than the
Cleopatra's, Bill had the soft-sad-eyed
craft doped so strong to win. that In
spite of protestations, he wagered the
cylinder press against the Cleopatra that
NewYork With
Continued From Pago Foiif.
races are held. The auditorium holds a
larger number of persons than any other
structure of Its kind in the country. Its
capacity is almost as great as that of a
subway train.
As we drive along the Great White Way
now you may notice that theaters are as
numerous here as saloons are on State
street, In another city. The man on the
curb with the bird cages is not selling
canary birds. They are English sparrows
bleached with peroxide of hydrogen.
Metropolitan Opera House, where 'Sa
lome" was left on the doorstep. It has
a large chorus, but strange to say
Johnnies" never block the stage door.
The Times building, one of the new sky
scrapers. It is rocking from the blasts
in the excavations of the Pennsylvania
railroad tunnel terminal at Thirty-second
street. Persons living near do not mind
it They are all deaf or have moved.
Long-acre Square Discovered by Oscar
Hammerstein-'and the Hotel Astor.
Quit smoking, gents. This Is automo
bile row and the air is charged with gaso
line; So are the owners.
We now enter Columbus Circle. Apart
ments in these high buildings to our right
in Central Park West are rented at so
much per square inch. Secretary Taft
and Tom Johnson could never afford to
live in them.
And here, breaking upon our vision, is
Riverside drive. The beautiful palisades
on the other shore are becomingly deco
rated with foundries, mills and quarrie".
How Ruskin would have enjoyed this
view. The only improvement overlooked
Is a glue factory.
Ahead of us is a place for the thirsty,
when they cometh not afoot; looming up
behind it is Grant's tomb. The view from
the south of this magnificent piece of ma
sonry is helped out by two of the largest
gas tanks ever erected. The only appar
ent way to change the view is to move
the monument out of the way of the
tanks.
We are now in Harlerp and these im
mense brick walls with holes In them are
flat houses. People live in them. In some
of them dogs and children are allowed.
Behold now Central Park, the greatest
area of grass and trees confined in a
large city. Outside of the drive it is prin
cipally Inhabited during the day by
nurse maids, Fidos and squirrels. At
evening the moon and benches attract
the young and mushy. In Summer con
certs are held on Sunday and you can get
near the bandstand if you go out the night
hef ore.
The atsUrftooUlan
Alussum of
(Pi
th Gazelle would lope tn an ay victor.
"We tried to explain to Swift what
would happen to the Piccolo if the Ga-r'-'llo
should lose, but we might as well
have attempted to feed cannon balls to
a canary bird.
"Any. time you sports think that 614
namesake of Marc Antony's parasol fiend
can beat the Gazelle, you ought to go
home and set fire to your clothes.
"Then we all went up and stood off the
village Dclmonlco for a stack of meal
tickets.
"On the day of the race, everybody, in
cluding cripples from'' both towns, lined
the river banks between Jamestown and
Frogport. I was detailed on the Gazelle
to write the story- Bill, feeling very In
dignant that morning, was mounted on
a reformed bronco. Intending to ride
along the bank and jolly up the captain
and crew of the Gazelle.
"The start was fair enough, but the
Gazelle had gone only about 23 feet when
she stopped with a jerk', and then started
slowly ahead. The Cleopatra shot around
the first bend, and was soon lost to view
behind a clump of willows.
"Bill nearly fell off his horse. He was
so excited at first that all he could do
was to wave his arms around like a
windmill.
"Ship ahoy, there! Avast, you lubber
on the Gazelle! Do you think you are a
windjammer? This ain't no slow race.
Tou're overset a block. Kill a few gal
leys and get busy! Get busy! Bill
shrieked."
"Thinking to be agreeable, the grizzled
old mariner depopulated the Gazelle's cul
inary establishment, then, puffing from
the exertion, growled:
"'I'll be keel hauled and eat a bale
of oakum If I know what's wrong with
the blamed old boat. She never acted
like this before."
"Then he crammed on enough steam to
run a battleship six months, and Jetti
soned two of the crew. But, in spite of
all this, the Gazelle could only make a
noise like a menagerie and crawl. Bill
finally became so frantic that he hsd to
be restrained from wading out and soak
ing the captain with a fence rail.
"In the meantime, the Cleopatra was
leisurely making" her way to Frogport,
where afterwards the captain became ed
itor of the Piccolo.
"But what's the use in trying to make
a comedy out of a tragedy?
"I suppose the Gazelle would be grunt
ing along on her hands and knees yet If
the captain hand't discovered that some
one had tied an anvil to her keel.
"What became of Bill?
"It was back to the mines for 'him.'
Megaphone Man
where many old masters are hung and
many bad master need to be hung.
Painters of the present day can take
up half of a cheese sandwich, study the
nl ...... , I tm hnma an4 .folk
other half.
This, ladles and gentlemen,- la a
house from the architect's dream book, t
It was erected by Senator Clark and is
almost ready for occupancy and th
newspaper photographers. It has cost
several million dollars and many artis
tic souls' unrest.
From here we see the Metropolitan
Club. The glass In the windows is care
fully sterilized each day so that the
members may escape Infection from the
sordid views without.
Here is a de luxe department store.
The management Is thinking seriously
of doing away with all entrances ex
cept the carriage entrance.
This crossing is Thirty-fourth street
and the Waldorf-Astoria.
You can loaf in its corridors and look
like a guest as cheaply as anywhere
else. That noise you hear Is John W.
Gates betting a million on a select
prize fight in his apartment.
What you have seen, ladies and gents.
Is but a small part of this little burg.
It cannot spread out any more, so it
is going up and burrowing down. Real
estate Is increasing so in price that the
assessors have to go around every day
and make a new valuation. Often an
Intending purchaser of a piece of prop
erty, haggling over the price, finds that
it has gone up 10 or 20 per cent
during the Interim. It Is nothing to
wVke up in the morning and find that
the place you dwell in has been pulled
down during the night and that you are
occupying the new excavation for a sky
piercing apartment house. As for the
rent all New York is busy Inventing
ways and means of getting it.
And now we are back to Madison
Square again. The huge mound that
we are dodging is not a relic of an an
ciont race. It is a little snow and dirt
overlooked by the street-cleaning de
partment from last Winter. t serves
to remind us that we have a Winter,
and we should feel lonesome without
It. We will part with any of our rights,
but leave us our mounds of dirt and
snow. Some of It will be melted ty
the end of Summer, of course. Then
election day may bring It a cruel fate.
It may be removed tho day. before.
This ends the sight-seeing. Whoa,
there. Pull 'cr up. Bill. . All off.