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About The Sunday Oregonian. (Portland, Ore.) 1881-current | View Entire Issue (March 9, 1902)
26 THE SUNDAY OREGONIAN, PORTLAND, MARCH 2, 1902. WALKERS PICTURESQUE DAUGHTERS DURING the past week Pendleton has been enlivened by the presence of WllWam Walker and hts two daughters. Marcialette and Susie, who hale from near Dale, on the North fork of the John Day River, in Umatilla County, Oregon. William, Walker, the father. Is BR years of age, was born lrf Kentucky, whence removed to Stoddard County. Missouri, where he served as a Confederate guerrilla during the Civil War under the celebrated Chfef Quan trell. At the close of the war Missouri was not a very safe place for a Rebel guerrilla, as Union troops had an un pleasant habit of hanging them when captured. Consequently, William Walker "lit out" as he expresses it for a more salubrious region and crosjed the plains alone, on horseback. In 1865. He stopped a year or two in Idaho, where he sup ported himself in trapping and hunting and he 'became famous as a killer of bears. In 1867. he went further west and settled in Morrow County, wh-re he en gaged In stock raising. About 30 years ago he removed to his present location in Umatilla County, where he has been engaged in the raising of horses, shoep and cattle. About this time he married Maggie Barker, a daughter of John Bark er who was killed at Heppner, by Bill Jones in a brawl. The mother of Walk er's wife was a Pitt Rlvr, California Indian and therefore Walker's children are now quarter-breeds, the strain of little open place, near a large rock. In the glris. Walker's marriage was blessed by eight children, all girls, the eldest being about 18 years of age and the youngest two years. Outwitted Bannock Indiana. During the Bannock Indian war of 187B his services were secured as scout for the whites by Thomas Ayers, of Heppner, father of Thomas Aycrs, of Pendleton, Or. He preformed valuable services in this capacity, serving under Colonel Brown. While on scouting duty he dis covered a very dangerous ambuscade prepared by the Indians in a narrow can yon where they had gathered great mas ses of rock to roll down upon the troops when passing through, hoping in the confusion to cut them to pieces. Walker was surrounded by the Indians for two days on this trip, and escaped only by crawling through the brush like a snake. When he reported the ambus cade the troops inarched against the hos tiles by a different route and surprised them, inflicting great damage. For this service he was presented with $100 In ad dition to his wages. Panhandling; a Desperado. He and Bud Thompson, on one occasion in the early days, started in pursuit of a desperado, who had killed an emigrant and was lurking somewhere in the region of Stein Mountains. They camped in a Indian blood being very apparent in the morning Walker went to a spring near the rock to get some water, when he noticed a man coming from the brush. Walker instantly stepped behind a rock and from this place of concealment awaited developments. The stranger ap proached the spring and when about a rod from where Walker was concealed, the latter "panhandled'' him as he des LN THE FIELD OF POPULAR SCIENCE EPITOME OF WHAT IS GOING ON ALL OVER THE WORLD. A CIRCULAR just i&sufd by the new bureau known as the National Bu- . o..i . !.. reau of Statistics of Standards. In- f dlcatos Its functions and powers They are: The custody of the standards; the com parison of the standards used In scientific investigations, engineering, manufactur ing, commerce and educational institutions with the standards adopted or recognised by the Government; the construction, when necessary, of standards, their mul tiples and subdivisions; the testing and ntus; the solution of problems which arise in connection with standards; the deter mination of physical constants and the properties of materials, when such data are of great importance to scientific ac- curacy elsewhere For all comparisons, calibrations, tests ' or investigations, except those performed for the Government of the United Stales or state governments, a reasonable fee will be charged. Provision is also made for the purchase of a site, which will be in Washington, and the erection of a suit able laboratory, its equipment with the most improved facilities for carylng on investigations, and for testing standards and measuring instruments of all kinds, and the personnel necessary for the or ganization of the bureau. A powerful electrical plant will be erected. It Is ex I that the buildings will be ready for occupancy In two years. For the pres ent, additional quarters have been se cured in the building occupied by the former office of Standard Weights and Measures, with a view to the organization of the bureau and the Immediate develop ment of the more needed extensions of the work heretofore carried on, such as photo metric measurements, the testing of in struments for determining high or low temperatures, clinical thermometers, chemical glass measuring apparatus, elec trical apparatus used to measure alter nating currents, pressure gauges and me teorological instruments. Overproduction of Beet Sugar. Reports to the Brussels Conference, of the sugar trusts, which has not yet re ported, show enormous overproduction In all beet-sugar countries during last year. Made. Yfea, tons. tons. Germany 2,000.000 830,000 Austria 1.200.000 400.00J France 1,000,000 460. OuO Belgium 330.000 70.000 Holland 190.000 75.000 The excess was 2.870.000. Of this, 1.700. 000 tons went to England, the remainder is In store. Russia and the countries of the Mediterranean produced about enough for home consumption. Edison's Sew Phonograph. Phonograph diaphragms are usually placed under strain by the compensating weight employed to cause the stylus to press upon the wax and at the same time to accommodate any eccentricities In the blank. These strains destroy much of the sensitiveness of the diaphragm. Mr. Edi son therefore employs a counteracting spring co-operating with the diaphragm. This spring offsets the normal strains to which the diaphragm may be subjected, and which may be due either to the em ployment of the usual compensating weight or to the direct engagement of the recording device with the record. Gold in Rhodesia and Zambesi. The recent report of the British South African Company estimates the output of gold in Rhodesia at 13,750,000. The mining cribes it. When asked by the. writer to explain what he meant by "panhand- 1 ling.'' he replied: "If you were looking i into my rifle barrel at the distance of about 16 feet with the gun cocked at my shoulder and a fine sight on you and I said 'panhandle.' you would probably guess what I meant and pat up your arms as high as you could reach." The j prisoner was taken to Pendleton, and i hanged, being the first person executed a, THE WALKER in Umatilla County under process of law. For this achievement he and Thompson were paid $400, th reward which was of fered for the arrest of the murderer. Walker had a very interesting bear fight in 1882, near his home on the John Day. He discovered a cave in a can;n, and saw evidences that it was occupied by a bear. It being Winter, and the weather being very cold, he took it for granted that the bear was hibernating, and in a torpid condition. Leaving his gun outside, lie crept into the cave ard was Immediately confronted with a very active and wide-awake cinnamon bear, industry of Rhodesia Is ripe for imroedl- ate expansion, anl now that the railways j a" the Cape Colony are practically freed - , tnt",nttnr, ,, h. ko .-iki- ... arrange for the Immediate delivery in Rhodesia of the mining machinery and ! stores which have been accumulating at I the ports. North of the Zambesi great progress lias been made during the past j two years. It Is hoped ehortly to throw the country open to prospectors, when, in j view of its vast extent, and of the fact j that deposits of gold, copper and coal j that the development of the country will proceed rapidly. Speed Indicator for Locomotives. An invention, patented !n France, which irdicates the speed of an engine and which can be set so that when any given speed is reached it operates the air-brakes, is being used satisfactorily. One of the loco. motive axles drives a small centrifugal pump, which sends water from the tender into a small cylinder. The piston of this cylinder is raised by the water against the compression of a spring, and moves up or down according to the speed of the pump or of the locomotive. The piston is connected with a registering apparatus, which Indicates the speed. When the speed rises above the limit the piston acts upon a device which lets off air from the brakes. Histories of Pharaohs. The explorations at Abydos. Egypt, dur ing the past year established the continu ous order of 17 kings and the foundations of Egyptian history have beer, laid ir.or. satisfactorily than it previously would have been reasonable to expect. The ex cavations at Abydos have provided the only contemporary history of the time, and completely vindicated the historical character of the lists which were pre served by later ages. The historic char, acter of Mena is substantiated, and the long line of a dozen kings before Mena is rendered clear. The Egyptologists have seen and handled the gold, the crystal, the ivory with his name and engravings; and even kings that went before him are bet ter known by actual objects than one half of the Saxon kings of England. The site of the great temple is yet to be ex amined. Industrial aud Scientific Notes. Ten thousand adult Filipinos are study ing English. France now has 4,288,067 acres of vine yards. The national debt of France is $6,000.- ooe.ooo. Very ancient gold diggings have been found beside the Red Sea. The deaths from chlorofrom anaesthesia are one to each 2749 administrations. The Com Products Company, with $80, 000.000 capital. Is the newest trust. The Government employes in Washing ton number 27,605 persons; 7496 are women. Flat surfaces are now painted by ma chinery with saving of both time and paint. Swimming and life-saving is a part of the course in New Zealand's public schools. At the Electric Congress just held in Moscow an electric motor plow was ex hibited which turned a furrow 12 Inches deep. The rays of the radio-active metals, dis covered by Beequerel and called by his name, are deadly to disease germs of all sorts. The yearly Interest upon Frances debt ' is equal to H 20 for every man, woman i:l , I i ... bbbbbbI M1 ' &5? aaal ': I ii ' 'BE: H I r la W $KF kbf vaaar )aw BBBBaBaaai&taBBBBBBBBBBnBnBBafgaBBBBBBl i I Ban MaaBW .. -it BBBBafr Ifl - - BSBBBBBSBBBBnnSBS.BBSSeHBSSBSBSK"!M i i , YaV f. , 1 gK " ' " - - ;n ' j ''' & ,vt " I TV ;' HH A M . - YWSPrST I 3 Hanattifedj PMImK . '- nJnflHHH nnvQsnnnl dnnnnnnnnaaCH a.' iit&'jL'' v -'':' "'-' ' I 'Km' . UgWg:-V I B ' ' i v '' S1 "V- VHaaaaal fK ''HSsjtSi " I ' B bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbI An&teur photo by Le MoorhmtM, PandUtoa, Or. PAllll.V - MAHtlAI.ETTB, THE OLD MAX AKD II BIE. which rushed uion him with a savage growl. As the bear arose Walker seized him by both ears, while the bear clawed him viciously, both standing up. Then Walker let go one ear. got out his knife and proceeded to prod the bear behind the fen- shoulder. By a few well dl-iecti-d thrusts the bear was slain, but Walker s ciothes were in ribbons as was also hia skin. A few days afterwards he explored another cave that looked as If it might be occupied by some animal and ed a very severe shock. The cave was dark and the animal rushed at him with a vicious snarl. Thinking It another and child In France, as compared with a yearly charge of 44 cents per capita In this ceiuntry. Two shiploads of monkeys sre to be placed on an Arkansas plantation and trained to pick cotton. A Swede has Invented a brake for boats. By extending a shutter from each side of the hull the boat Is stopped within half it. length. n Russian railways during the last year there were 1226 killed and 6933 In jured by accidents. The number of derail ments was 1362 and of collisions 750. Elihu Thomson, the well-known in. ventor, has devised an apparatus for welding of the edges of metal sheets, un ci, r pressure, by electrical heating. The railway Interest employs more men and distributes more money than any other interest, except agriculture. One from each 16 able-bodied men is employed directly or Indirectly by the railways. A shower bath, with facilities for bath ing 200 boys per day, which was placed in one of the New York City public school buildings, is very popular. A boy Is given 15 minutes in which to undress, wash and fret. The Dresdener Nachrlchten. of January 14. reports four shipments of American ap pies, one of which was of 376 tone of New York Imperials, infected with live San Jose scale insects. One lot was N w town pippins. They were all ordered back to New York. The report of the Commissioner of Pat ents shows that 27,373 patents were Issued in 1901 a number greater than that for any previous year. There were 2965 trade marks registered. The income of the Patent Office was $1,249,198, which is un precented. Incident to the proposition to coin a spectsl 5o-cent sliver piece for use in the Philippines, the Mexican dollar has de preciated In Mexico so that while in July last the American dollir was worth $1 IS. Mexican, It Is now worth $2 34 Mexican dollars. The cubical contents of the mountain of salt In the foothills of the Pyrenees n ar Cardor.a, Spain, has been computed und its weight estimated at 500,000,000 tons. Colombia's mountain of salt, which was exposed by a landslide in 1X70, is much smaller. In laying the water pipes to supply Je rusalem from Solomon's pool, the old aqueduct passes through a tunnel under a mountain, and In this tunnel was dis . 1 a perfectly constructed arch, that proves the principal to have been used before the time of the Romans. The gorge cut by the Niagara Falls is now many miles In length, and would. In the course of time, necessarily reach and drain Lake Erie to the level of the foot of the Falls, but for the caging of its waters in the penstocks of the. power houses which have recently been ex cavated. The elanger to Germany from fighting either with tariffs or ships is seen in the following official figures of the amount of cereals necessary to the feeding of th German people, which must be bought abroad, in 1901 these purchases were: Wheat, 2.306.3S6 tons; corn, 1.210, 6U tons, snd other grains and flour, 2,321.727. A vessel specially designed and equipped for catching fish by the use of the elec tric light has Just been finished at Nor folk, Vs. It is 76 feet long, of light draft. and of large beam for its length. An arc ! light of high power is carried over the ! bow of the vessel, and the fish attracted j by iiis light are caught in the nets at tached to the vessels. A report of the Joint standing committee ! on street lighting for Worcester, Mess. j against the proposed plan of municipal rshk, has been filed. After invest!. . b tl'ig the conditions in many cities, the I committee found a certainty of increased cost over the present contract rate, If mu nicipal ownership were adopted, and rec ommended that it was not expedient to I establish a ctty electric-light plant. CHAMPION BRONCHO BREAKERS OF EASTERN OREGON FINE HORSEMANSHIP bear, he beat a hasty retreat, but when he had Just reached the mouth of the cave hs discovered, with a sigh of relief. , that his antagonist was not a bear, but a coon, which was making a frantic ef fort to escape. Walker said his nerves did not get steady for two or three days after this scare. Walker is 6 feet 1 inch high, weighs 190 pounds, straight as an Indian, has regular features, calm blue eyes, heavy mustache and chin whiskers slightly touched with gray, a.nd when in Pendle ton wore a coarse woolen cap, typical buckskin hunting shirt and was armed with a slx-shouler, strapped on the horn of his saddle. It was to be expected that a man of his antecedents married to a halfbrced Indian woman would raise a family of bold, adventurous char acter, and the expectation Is mors than realised. When he came to Pendleton about a week ago. he brought with him his two oldest girls: Marcialette, fa miliarly known as "Babe.'age 18 and who tips the scales at 160 pounds, and Susie, CONCERNING JIM AND 4 A DELIGHTFUL LOVE STORY BY OPIE READ, AUTHOR OF "THE JUCKUNS," ETC A LONELIER place could not be imagined, a milk station on a railway, or rather a milk plat form about 10 feet square no station house nothing. It was in the afternoon. Across the fielis and through a narrow strip of woods came a man, youngish, thoughtful, with a half-humorous sug gestion of Indolence. He sat down un der a tree near the railway, looked at his watch, looked across the road, op posite the direction whence he had come, and saw a young woman approaching. He couldn't help observing that she was graceful, for that was revealed by a glance; and as she drew nearer he dis covered that she was good-looking. She deposited a small bag upon the ground and gazed wistfully up the road, and than sne spoke to the man: "Have you any idea as to how long it will be before the train?" He arose, with a lazy show of respect, and replied: "I met a man over yonder Just now and he said that us he drove past a station about 10 miles from here he heard Incidentally that the train was about two hours and a half late." ' "Oh. he heard it Incidentally, did he? Well, it is Just as bad as if he had heard It directly." "Just as bad, no doubt," he agreed, walking over toward her; and then, llft- ' ing his hat and bowing, he added: "There I seems to be a cloud coming up from the ' west "I hope it's not going to act mean and j rain," she replied. "If It does, I don't know what I shall do." "I should think you'd get wet," he drawled, and she presented him with a mock courtesy. "Really! and now she gave htm a full view of her gray eyes, and he thought them beautiful. He re marked that It was of r.o use to stand still, that they might as well move about, and slowly they began to walk up the track. "The longest time on earth is the time spent in the country waiting for a train," she said. "It's pretty slow," he admitted. "But time can be slower when it tries hard. I don't suppose you ever waited for a Jury to come in with a verdict," he added. "Do I look as if I had ever been on trial?" "Well, no, not for the breaking of I laws; but for the breaking of hearts, perhaps." "Goose," she said, glancing at him with ' those eyes which he thought were beau tiful. She saw that he was dreamily indolent, and a thoughtful woman may ad mire a mild degree of laziness In a man; it argues that he Is not vicious. He laughed when she said "goose," and then remarked: "No, not exactly goose one that plucks geese." "Oh, lawyer." "Of course. If not, why should I care how long It takes a Jury to come in with a verdict? Let me see, now. What is your your line?" And then she laughed, and he listened as if to a new music. "Line! Why, I am a schoolteacher. Couldn't you tell that by my Independent air?" "Well, independent enough when out from under the eye of the board of edu age 16, weight 145 pounds. The girls were in charge of a band of horses which they had driven from John Day River, a dis tance of nearly a 100 miles. The arrival of this party with their horses pro duced a great sensation in Pendleton. The girls, who rods astride and managed their ponies with the utmost grace and dexterity, wore cowboy hats, men's coats, Dolly Varden calico dresses, heavy shoes, thick woolen stockings, jposely tied hand kerchiefs about their necks, and their faces were as brown as berries, from ex posure to the elements. This was their holiday attire, for service when on dress parade, in a large city; but when rid ing the range at home, they wear the typical cowboy dress, consisting of wide brimmed sombreros, overalls, "chaps," hlghtop boots and spurs. Their reputa tion as horsewomen extends all through the buiichgrass regions and they have a standing offer of $100 reward for any cowboy who will preform any feat of horsemanship which they will not equal or surpass, but no man has yet claimed the reward. Girls as Boas Herders. These girts take care of 600 head of horses, a band lfiOO sheep and numerous cattle, together with their father pre forming the entire work of the ranches, including breaking and branding of wild horses and ail the other arduous duties which pertain to stockralsing. About one year ago, Susie started to round up a bunch of wild horses, which seemed on the point of getting away from her. They were on a slightly elevated ridge of rim rock, which wag so narrow that she was unable to pass them and head them off, whereupon. wUhout the slight est hesitation she spurred her bronco off the edge of the ledge on a dead run and landed on the level ground, nine feet below, without being dismounted, or In juring her horse, and succeeded In turn ing the band back and rounding them up. The horse upon which she performed this remarkable feat Is a thoroughbred, for which her father gave 15 of his best horses, and the same which she rode into Pendleton. Marcialette as a Xinirod. Marcialette, the oldest, is no less a dex trous horsewoman than Susie, and is an artist In all the branches of her profes sion, but she is also famous as an expert shot with a rifle. About one year ago she took a few days off from the routine bus iness of the range and went Into the mountains for game. In less than two weeks she killed and sent home from the woods twenty-six deer, without count ing coyotes, Jackrabblts and mountain lions. From this it is apparant that Miss Marcialette could give President Roose velt, hip rough riders and, their strenuous life cards and spades in any little game of horsemanship or animal slaying, and win without half trying. During their visit at Pendleton, they made a short visit to Walla Walla, to see the tights ef that famous city, and upon their return they were photographed by Major Lee Moorehouse, of this elty, in their Sunday-go-to-meeting clothes, as appears In the accompaning illustration. Having disposed of their band of horses I the young ladles left for home horse ! back, each leading a heavily ladea pack j horse, well content with the results of I their trip. The father went by stags this morn ing. They expect to return In a few I weeks with a larger band of horses for I sale. Pendleton having gained a wide I reputation as the horse market of ! Eastern Oregon. ' WILLIAM PARSONS. SIS cation or the superintendent. Suppose we turn back. I don't want any one to steal my luggage." "No, shouldn't want anybody to steal anything from me," he drawled. "And then he said: "I guess you are a sort of professor of English." "I am In the grammar school but no one would suppose so by the way I talk. But I have been running wild out here." "Ah, ha! I thought you had something to do with English speaking of lug gage." "Oh, how cute you are." "Yes, but how inspiring you are." They walked back q the place where he had Joined her, and then they turned again. Suddenly she cried out: "Oh. we walked along hre early In our acquaint ance, didn't we?" "Yes. and how It has changed since i away back there" and he looked at his ! watch. "Fifteen minutes." "What, so long as that!" she ex- claimed. "How time flies.' "Marvelous, when you come to think of . it. By the way, what have you been doing out here. ' "Reading silly books when I was not running wild." "Love stories?" "Oh, not necessarily." "I like to see young women reading i love stories," he said. "Why, because lt Is In such accord j with their nature? Is that It?" "Well, no. Because It Is in such ac I cord with the divorce court. I am a sort of a specialist and the more love ; the more marriages, you know and you i understand what follows." "You ought to be ashamed of yourself. ; Don't yotj believe that there is such a 1 thing as real and enduring love?" "Oh. yea. and I would be ashamed of ! myself if It weren't for that great word j the greatest in the American dictionary I 'Business.' Shall we turn again here?" When they had gone back to their meet j Ing place she said: "Suppose we sit down. : What's the use of racing through life? " They sat down beneath a tree. In the air j was the saddened sweetness of coming j Fall. The birds were losing their voices. j There was a merciless coldness in the cry j of a hawk, far overhead. A yellowing leaf fell at their feet. "The bright ook ! cf a season, fading and soon to be forgot- ten." he said, and she looked at him quickly, as If she expected to see a sar ' castle glint In his eyes, hut Instead (here j was the soft glow of sentiment. "The coming of Winter Is always sad." i she said. "It means such suffering to I the poor. I know." He looked at her. And so do I know. I was pot always a plucker of the goose; I slept In the doorway newsboy. ' "Oh, were you? My brother was a news boy, and made it possible for me to go to school. Otherwise I should have grown up In Ignorance." "What was your brother's name?" "Tommy Walters." "Ha. Little Topknot! We have slept to gether many a night and, wait a minute, didn't you go on an excursion with us once, to a place where there were woods and fields and orchards? Didn't you 7" "Oh. yes." she cried, "and didn't you steal a pear for me?" "Well, I'll swear!" he shouted, "you are little Sis!" "Yes. but you mustn't swear. I have wondered and wondered what ever became o you you " "Jim," he said. "Yes. Jim," she repeated, as if musing. "You know what became of brother, don't you?" 0 "No. I kept track of him year after year. but finally he disappeared." She was silent for a few moments end then she said: "He was killed at San Juan." He took her hand. "He was game. Sis he was never afraid of anything. Is your mother livlngr' "No, I am all alone. Let us walk again, please." And as they passed a mile post, she cried: "Oh. that's the same thing we passed away back during our earlier ac quaintance." He looked at his watch. "Tes. nearly an hour ago. But now the train may take its own time If It wants to." "It will, anyway. Look here, but who told you to hold my hand air this while?" "Please don't talk that way" "Tea. Jim. 8hall we turn back." "Just as you say. It doesn't make any difference now which way I go as long as I am with you. Sis. I hope that Isn't the GEORGE APE'S MODERN FABLE TRAGIC END OF A MEETING BETWEEN ARTISTS IN DIFFERENT SPHERES. ONE DAY a pure white Soul that made Sonnets by Hand was sitting in his Apartment embroidering a Canto. He had all the Curtains drawn and was sitting beside a Shaded Candle waiting for the Muse to keep her Appoint ment. He wore an Asure Dresslng-GOwn. Occasionally he wept, drying his Eyes on a Salmon Pink Handkerchief bordered with yellow Morning Glories. Any one could tell by looking at htm that be wat a delicate Organism and had been raised a Pet. Presently he put bis left Hand to his Brow and began to indite with a pearl handled Pen on Red Paper. Then there was a Ring at the Bell. "Oh, Fudge!" said the Author. "That distressing Sound! And Just when I was beginning to generate Ethereal Vapor. Hereafter I shall order the vulgar Trades people to deliver all Marshmallows at the Servants' Entrance." He began to write again, reviving him self at the end of each Word, by means of Smelling Salts. He did not see the Artist standing in the Doorway. The Artist was a muscular Person with an Ashen Complexion and a Suit that was not large enough to show the entire Pat tern. He carried a Bludgeon with a Horse's Head on it. In order to attract the Attention of Mr. Swinburne, be whis tled through his Teeth, whereupon the Author Jumped over the Table and fell among the Rugs, faintly calling "Mother! Mother!" "Cut It out!" exclaimed the Artist. "What's matter? Huh?" "Oh. how you startled me," said the Author sitting up among the Ruga. "Just as you came In I was writing about the Fays and the Elfins. I was in the deep Greenwood, the velvet Sward kissing m: wan Cheek and the Leaves whispering overhead-" "I see," said the Artist. "A Dark Change from an Interior to a Wood Set. That's all right if you can do it quick. Who did you say you was doing it for the Pays?" "I mentioned the Fays and Elfins," replied the Author. "I've heard of the Fays," said the Ar tist. '"Phey're out on the Orpheuna Cir cuit aow. But the Elfins no. What kind of a Turn do they do?" "Ah, the Elfins!" said the Author. "They dance in the Moonlight and skip from Tree to Tree,' "Acrobatic Stuff with Light Effects, eh? Well, you're on a couple of Mack erels. I never see any Benders that could get away with a Talking Act. You warn to give your Piece to somebody that can Boost yeu. You write a good gingery Skit for me and Miss Fromage and we'll put your Name on a Three-Sheet in Letters big enough to scare a Horse." "I gather from the somewhat technical Character of your Conversation, my dear sir, that you are associated with the Drama." said the Author. "Is It a Kid?' asked the Artist. "Wuzn't you ever In Front? Don't you look at the Pictures in the Windows? I'm Rank, of Rank and Fromage. Miss Fromage la the other half this Season and if you Seen her a Block off you'd say, 'Is It or ain't It Ethel Barrymore?' We've Just closed with McGoohan's Boisterous Burlesquers. We was so strong that we killed the rest of the Bill, so we got the Blue Envelope. Now they're using all our Business, in cluding the Oag about the Custard Pie." "To what am I Indebted for the SAgiNGS OF LITTLE PEOPLE An Absence Explained. Little Helen had gone to church for the first time, and while there they sang the well-known song, "Jesus is calling today." When she got home her mother asked her who was there, and she said: "Oh, every body except Jesus, and he was out calling." A Venal Offense. A little girl, finding a threaded needle on Sunday, commenced Bewlng with It. Her mother coming in, said: "Why, Jane, are you working on Sunday? Don't you know It's wrong to do that?" "I suppose," said the little girl, "God knows I'm only using basting thread." Mother Maltie'e Piety. When a new family of kittens had dis appeared very' mysteriously, Bep3le was greatly grieved for the mother cat and was heard to say: "Where are your kittens. Mother Mal tie?" Just then Maltte walked off, with her tall in the air. and Bessie, raising her hand and looking up, exclaimed: "She points to Heaven!" Throning tbe Burden on Mamma. My little 3-year-old brother Robert was regularly put to bed at half-past 7. He sometimes objected, and begged to stay up with the "big folks." One night we were all amused by the following dia logue: Mamma Half-past 7, and time for my little boy to go to bed. Robert (confidently) I'm not going to bed until 9 tonight. Mamma. Mamma (very firmly) My Uttla boy must go to bed at once. Robert (surprised and Indignant) Well, it must be you don't believe in reading the Bible! The Endless Controversy. An urchin of our acquaintance went to church one Sunday morning when the minister preached about Sampson, tbe strong man of Israel. On hia return from the service his father began to catechise him. "Can you tell me what the sermon was about. Willie V "Yes, Papa, I know what It was about, but I didn't like that sermon very well." "Why not. ray boy?" "Because the preacher talked all the time about Sampson; never said a word about Dewey." Looked Suspicions. One Saturday morning little Mildred slept quite late. When breakfast was ready her mother said to the rest of the family: "It's Saturday morning, so there's no school, and we will let Mildred sleep as long as she wants to. We'll give her a. little surprise by taking her breakfast to her roonv" Mary carried the breakfast up to her little sister's room and arranged It taste fully on a small stand near the bed. The smoke of the train away up yonder. No, it's only September's haxy breath." he looked at him. Women are grateful for images from those whose eyes are alight with love. "But, Jim, how long do you expect to hold my hand?" Vis It yours. Sis? Little Topknot tells me It Is mine." And the tears were In her eyei as he put his arm around her. "A thousand times have I dreamed of you," he said. They went back to the tree and sat down, silent for the most part, with eyes of sym pathy turned upon the pitiless past with warm hearts beating for the "present. "Sweetheart, there comes the train," he said. "It needn't have been in such a hurry," she replied. Copyright. 1902, Author's Syndicate. honor of this visit?" asked the Author. "I heard that you was a Litry Mug and I'm around here to see you about a Sketch for me and Miss Fromage. The one I've got now Is all right but in it I've got to eat eight hard-boiled Eggs, and with four shows a Day that's aekln' too much of any Artist. This Sketch was wrote for us by the Man that handles the Transfer Baggage at Bucyrus. He fixed It up while we was waltin' for a Train. I've been using It since 1882, snd it goes Just as strong as ever, but I like to get new Stulf once In a while. So I want you to fake up something that'll kill 'em right in their Seats. Here's the Scenario: My Wife's ; Society Girl and I'm supposed to be a Dead Swell that's come to take her to a Masquerade. With that to work on, all you need to do is to fill in the Talk." "I have recently prepared a One-Aet Play, but I am not sure that it will meet your Requirements'." said the Author. "It is called The Language of Flowers.' There are three Characters In the Play a young Shepherd named Ethelbert, the Lady Gwendolin and a Waiting Maid." "We couldn't carry three People," said the Artist. "You'd better use a Dummy instead of the Hired Girl. I do an awful funny Wrassle with a Dummy. Go ahead and slip me the Plot." - "It U an Idyllic Thing," said the Au thor. "Ethelbert is in love with Gwen dolin, but he is not certain that his Love is reciprocated. o ne sends her the Flow era The waiting-maid brings? them lptc the Bower where Lady Gwendolin is seat ed and with them a Scroll of Verses from Ethelbert. The Lady Gwendolin unrolls the Scroll and reads: Traced in the Veins of the Petals Are the Lines I faia would speak. And breathing- low in the perfumed Leaves Is tae Name "Hold on!" said the Artist. "That's a Cinch. Have a Stage-Hand come on with the Flowers. Lottie eays, 'I know wh sent these,' and so on and so on, and his Nobs get off. Then her alone with the bis armload of Hollyhawks that I'm supposed to be sendln' her savvy? She says 'Well, there's no three ways about it, I've got this Gazabo dead to Rights. She goes on to talk about Me, leading up to her song, 'John L. will be our Champion once again.' Bing! The Door-Bell rings. Ther me on quick, see? I've thought out a Make-Up that's sure to get a Holler the Minute I come on. I wear a pair of Pants made out of Tin Foil, a Fur Coat with Lace around the Bottom and on my Hea: I wear a Coal-Scuttle with some 81elgh. Bells fastened to it. As I come down Stage I make some crack about Just es capin' from a Business College. When I see the Doll, I go over and slap her on the Back, pull out a Sprtnklin' Can a'-d water the Flowers. You'll have to fix m.; up a Line to introduce the Sprinkler. As eoon as she sees me, she gets stuck, so she hands me one of the Flowers. I say, 'Ah, a night-blooming Pazlzum' then I take a Salt-Cellar out of my at and shake some Salt on the Flower and eat It. I done that with a Piece called 'A Boiled Dinner,' and It always went big. When she sees me eat the Flower, that makes her sore, understand? Sh' comes at me with a right-hand Pass. 3 fall over a Chair and do a Head-Spin. You fix up a strong Line for me Just as I go over the Chair Then What's the mat. ter. Cull? Here, Bud, open your Eyes!" The Author had fallen In a Heap on the antique Writing Desk. "Hully Cuee!" exclaimed the Artist. "He's Croaked." MORAL: A Classic is never Safe except in the Church Parlor. (Copyright. 1902.) dainty meal had Just been spread when the little sleeper woke up, and after rub bing her eyes a while, she opted the breakfast. Looking up at her sister in puzzled wonder, she exclaimed: "Why, Mary, am I sick?" A Fatal Comparison. Once a boy In school was asked to com pare the adjective "sick." This is the way he compared It: "sick," "worse," "dead." Need It in Onr Business. A fifth-grade girl wast writing on "The Body Compared to a House." She said: "If it were not for the body, we could not live a second." The t'aual One. "Mhat Is the first meal you have In the morning?" asked a teacher In the first grade while talking about the word "breakfast" "Oatmeal," promptly spoke Johnny. An Appeal for (leniency. Once my little cousin had been naughty and her mother, after spanking her with a slipper, said she punished her to make her good. That evening when Beth said her prayers, she added: "Please, Dod, make Beth a dood dlrl, but don't use your slipper." Might Have Prevented It. Little Walter was eating lunch when he gave his arm a sudden shove, and splash! down went his glass of milk. "I knew you were going to spill that!" said Mamma, angrily. "Well, if you knew," queried Walter, "why Hlldn't you tell me?" Popular With the Teapot, Tan. "Mamma, what Is the coffee pot sing ing?" aoked little 4-year-old Mabel as sba sat In her high chair, patiently watching her Mamma prepare breakfast one morn ing. "Oh, it is Just singing," answered Mam ma. "I know, Mamma," said Mabel, 'lt's singing 'A Hot Time.' " A Xew Brand of Coffee. Little 5-year-old Lois Durand was sent one morning to buy some Java and Mocha coffee for her mother. By the time she had reached the store she had forgotten the name of the coffee she was to order, so when the storekeeper asked her what kind of coffee she wanted, she said: i forget, but I think it was Jamaica and Jehovah mixed!" A Temperance Story. "You seem rather hilarious today," the lathe remarked to the buzzsaw. "Yes," replied the buzzsaw, "the man who runs me brought some whisky into the shop with him a little while a&o." "Well?" "Well, I took two or three fingers at his expense."