The Sunday Oregonian., October 13, 1901, PART FOUR, Page 27, Image 27

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THB SUNDAY OREGX)NIAN, PORTLAND, OCTOBER 13, 1901.
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Sampson Gives
His Account of It.
Confides His Grievances Over
Santiago to the Interviewer.
(Copyright, 1901, by the Author.
Brafely on der baddleshtb
Bolt Sampson he dit stant;
Hiss eyeball? vile hiss tea he'd sib
Vas turned tovards der lant.
Bud ven Id vas a flghd he saw
He avick avay dlt fly.
Der praise he vlnned mlt mighdy chaw
Der Ughdlng vent to Schley.
Dot Ic-edle poetical I compositioned as
der rcsultafion uf a shord conversatloning
vich I commissioned mit der great heroics
uf der tea cup, Atmiral Sambson.
"WIe gehts, Atmlral," I eggsclama
tloned mlt a vamlliar In my vords, "Ken
ve met lib site by each togedder at der
olt malts qvick lunch tea pardy.
"Ach, Helney Schmldd, my olt penuchle
pardner, I been delecatloned to vltness
you," responsed der Atmlral, eggpectora
tioning a cubble uf Sir Dom .Libdon's :m
portationed tea leafs vich vas minklmg
togedder In hiss vlskers, und unconsclen
tlously shining ub der heroic metals vich
cofered der frond uf hiss Vard McAllister
Ehird vaist mlt a roll uf greenback prize
jnoney.
"Vor vy are you such a furtherness
avay vrom your "home lining?" he contln
uationed, ven id vas ve hat eggschanched
compllmentarles bedween us togedder.
"Der reason because uf id iss dot I haf
decisloned to hear mlt my own eyeslghd
In frond uf your vords der unfalslflca
tloned hlstoricals uf der vild var baddle
uf Sandy Dago Bay," I set.
Pardonable Anger.
"Donneryetter! Yas iss!" interrup
iioned def Atmlral, mit an ankriness to
gedder In his lankvich. "Is id vunce again
dot I should be lnderfewed by those in
qvlsltlff newspaber publicatloners?"
"Neln, Atmlral," I set, "Id iss nod a
newspaber publicatloner vich I represen
tation. Id iss vor my own conscientious,
ness dot I vould hear rrom der heroic's
own mould der sdory connectioned mlt
der vild baddle of Sandy Dago Bay."
My vords appearanced to pacification
der Atmlral. He valtzed mlt me to vun
Elite uf der room und -vlspered In my ear
dot he vould mlt a glatness gifC to me
der knowleche vich he possessloned.
"Vor vy iss Id, Atmlral," I inqulsi
tioned, "dot efryvun seems to qvestionate
our brafery duratlonlng der baddle uf
Sandy Dago Bay?"
"Ah, voi vy! Yah, Eelney, vor vy Iss
Id dot I should been such a misrepresenta
tion?" repetitioned der Atmlral. "Vor
vy should my brafery been qvestlonated?
Iaf nod you yourselluf, in dime uf peace
fulness, vatched me as I stoot behind
der cannon shodguns und gafe orders to
fire ubon der vooden targeds in der deeb
und treacherful ocean, nefer vunce com
plalntlng, efen ven my snow vlte duck
pantaloons was rulnationed mit der gun
vadding und der smoke?"
"You have been a truthful In der vords
vich you sbeak," I set.
"Did I nod cancellation numeration In
a Rationings to tea pardles und qvick
lunch banqvets und vent to der frond mlt
a. qvickness ven der Union Sdades called
vor sdrong arms und lout wolces," con
clusioned der Atmiral.
"You dit, Atmlral," I assessioned. '
Those Telegraph, tetters.
"Und ven I met ub mlt der frond uf
der var, vot dlt I dit, Helney?" interro
gationed der Atmiral. "Who suppllca
tioned der puplic mit der var news vrom
der frond? Id vas I, Helney. Und sdlll
my brafery has been qvestlonated. So
long as mv tbewrider could vork I sent
tellygraf ledders to der newspaber bulle
din boards. Informatlonlng der cheneral
Iupiic vot It vas der var vat ditting.
I did nod stob to dink uf der eggspense
to der guffermend so long as der puplic
las satlsfactioned mlt der var news."
"Yah, Atmlral," I set, "you hat a
larch following in frond uf der bulledin
boards. Bud Id has been intimatloned
dot you dit nod svear to der truthful uf
those tellygraf ledders on tob uf a police
courd Bible."
"Vor who Iss der differentials uf they
vas nod a truthful?" qvestlonated der At
mlral. "Dit "I nod vin a. victorious ofer
der Sbanlards mit each tellygraf leddur?"
"You did vor der presentation momend."
I set "Bud vor vy dit you vent againsd
traditionals und haf Kissing Buck Hop
son make dot Irish bead, der Merry Mack,
took later In ids holt?"
"Dot v..s statchetice," vispered der
Atmiral, mit hiss vords deeb down mlt
a closeness to his footstebs. "You know,
Helney," he contlnuatloned, "dot I haf
alvays been an economics. Der reason vor
vy dlt I boddle ub der Sbanish fleed Iss
because should they immigration vrom
der hole in Sandy Dago Bay und en
gache mlt der targed practice bedween
oursellufs togedder, der guffermend nf
der Union Sdades might be compulsioned
to loose sefnal varshibs. Id vas my ln
tentlonings afder boddling ub der Sban
ish fleed to haf Cheneral Shafder march
ub mlt hiss solchers und captlvatlon At.
znlral Cervera und hiss varsbibs."
The Navy's Duty.
"Bud vas nod dot der nafy's dullness?"
I succhestioned.
"You musd haf an understating mlt
yourseluf dot Cheneral Shafder vas nod
hantlcabbed mlt eggspenslff varshibs like
der nafy, responded der Admiral.
"Cheneral Shafder hat nodding to loose
bud hiss solchers, vich could be replaced
by der nesd tuckboat vrom der Union
Sdades. Bud Cheneral Shafder refutation
ed to dlt as I succhestioned. Und vor dot
die?'" I inquisitloned.
"Haf you discufferationed dot Atmlral
Schley vishes to burglarize some uf der
heroics uf der Sandy Dago Bay var bad
dle? ' I Inquislsltioned.
"Sbeak nod hiss name in frond uf my
appearance," cried der Admiral, mit a
ferocious. "Id Iss a horripleness dot my
great name should be sandvltched togeth
er mit vun who so var looses drace uf der
nafy reckyladions uf eddyked dot he
vould fctoob to play sefen ub und penuckle
mit der low mariners under hiss com
mantlng, and vun who inaulcnes in redely
bloodshet varfare."
"Bud should Atmlral Schley rectlfal nod
come revard vor der fighdlng vich he dit
in der baddle uf Sandy Dago Bay?" I set.
Has he nod been revarded mit eferlasd
ing vame vor dot loob der loob vich he
performanced mlt hiss varshlb?" respond
der Atmlral.
"You been a correctness in der vords
vich you sbeak mlt your lankvich," I set.
"Der loob der loob "vich he performanced
has now been acceptloned as vun uf
America's leatlng pasdlme pleasantations.
"Bud eggsplanation to me, Atmlral," I
conclusioned, ''dit you accomplishment
some fafons vor der nafy depardment dot
they should stant togedder on your back
ven Id Iss your brafery has been qves
tlonated?" The Secret.
"Ah, Helney, dot iss der segret vich
makes me a declaration uf independence
mit my enemies," chuggled der Atmlral,
mlt a lout lafflng in hiss vords. "Dere
been plendy reasons vor vy der nafy hets
should stant sitse by each togedder on
my pack. Dlt I not commlssiqn a fafor
vor der nafy hets ven I dispositloned of
dot 5240,000 Merry Mack Irish board, be
fore id sinkded mitout Kissing Buck Hop
son's Umelighd herolcals? Und dit I nod
prevention der larche numeration uf aux
lllarlatlon boards vrom partlclpationing
in var baddies, vare they could only proof
their unvorthlness und cause an investiga
tloning into their eggstrafagant prices?
Und" dlt I not supplication Vail sdreed
mlt reddyroate var reportorials? Yah,
Helney, such brafery vill alvays receifal
ids chust revards."
"Do you like to indulche In var bad
dies, Atmlral?" I qvestlonated.
"Belief me, Helney," eggsclamatloned
der Atmiral, mit flrevorks shoodlng like
shyroggeds vrom hiss eyeballs, ."Id iss my
vun enchoymend in llfllng to stant ubon
der bridge uf a varshlb, surrounded by der
black clouts vrom der smokeless powder,
und llsden to der enemy's cries vor mercy
as dey sink vun by each into der sea,
knowlcchlng In my own mint dot it Iss der
great knowleche uf nafel varfare vich L
GETS THE
"Kin you give me a dime? 1 ain't had a
"Make It thirty-eight days more and get
r
Old Grimes.
(Reprinted for the use of the present genera
tion.) Old Grimes Is dead, that good old man
We ne'er shall see him more;
He used to wear a long black coat
All buttoned down before.
His heart t'was open as the day.
His feelings all were true;
His hair was some Inclined to gray
He -wore It In a queue.
Whene'er he heard th voice of pain
His breast with pity burned
The large round head upon his cane
From Ivory was turned.
Kind words he ever had for all, f
He Knew no base design;
His eyes were dark and rather small.
His nose was aquiline,
He lived at peace with all mankind,
In friendship he -was true:
His coat had pockejt holes behind,
His pantaloons were blue.
Unharmed, the sin which earth pollutes
He passed securely o'er
And never wore a pair of boots
For thirty 5 ears or more.
But good old Grimes is now at rest,
Nor fears misfortune's frown;
He wore a double-breasted vest '
The stripes ran up and down.
He modest merit sought to find,
And pay it its desert;
He had no malice in his mind,
2io ruffles on his shirt.
His neighbors he did not abuse
Was sociable and gay;
He wore large buckles on his Bhoes,
And changed them every day.
c
His knowledge, hid from public gaze.
He did not bring to view.
Nor mak a noise town-meeting days,
As many people do. '
His worldly goods he never threw
In trust to fortune's chances, '
But lived ( as all his brotners do) "
In easy circumstances.
Thus undisturbed by anxious cares
His peaceful moments ran,
And everjbody said he was
A fine old gentleman. '
Albert G. Greene.
An Entomological Lyric.'
If you were a rose,
And I were a bee.
You'd And me a-comlng, . '
And humming,
To thee, ,
In search of the sweets that the ros it
Would surely disclose. j
But since you are you. . , .
Not a rose, but a maid. i r
Instead of the bee -
I'd be a mosqul fa
.Mosquito, in short, ' y
A-comlng to court,
And to seek ".
The sweets of your cheek;' '
There to die. O alack! '
From a whack . . . -
Of the tenderest hand
In the land.
Harper's Magazine.
Love's ReTengc, v
She lightly tossed his flower away,
And Joined the careless throng;
He stopped a moment where it. lay
And picked it up, all soiled and they
' Smiled back who passed along.
He kept the flower, soiled and frayed.
With what he treasured best;
His fingers often o'er It strayed,
And oft his lovlrir lips tvere laid
Where once it touched her breast.
And she. with shame writ on her face,
Sometimes sat far apart
From those with whom' she shared disgrace
And wept for having gone the pace v
To merely brifak a heart.
S. E. Kiser In Chicago Record-Herald.
possession dot iss responsibility vor my
shlb's victorious,'1
"I can imaginatlonlng vot a vlld und
horripleness sighed you presentatidned du
Tatloning der var baddies uf Sandy Dago
Bay," I set
"Yah, Helney, your declsloning is
righd," set der Atmlral. "I vas vlld like
a prairie volf, eagerness vor der vray.
Vor you to vitness my presentation In
such vlld var baddies vould transforma
tioning your bleet into ice vater."
Samson's Exploits.
"Tell me, you olt var horse," I set,
"vot numeration uf Sbanlards dlt you
snood mlt your- nafy shodgun?"
"Nonsensicals, Helney," set der AtmiraL
"Id vas underneath my dlckneddy to In
dulchp in .dot vor vich der common sea
mens been' paid. As der ranking offlclaler
dlt I nod arrlfal mit my appearance in
dime to captlvatlon Atmiral Cervera as he
svimmed aboud in der dark vet vater?
Ah, Helney, der heroic metals In front uf
my breast svelled ub mlt prlte ven I
rushed ub -und compulsioned der American
fleed to stant aslte vile I captlvatloned
dat vl!d und safage Sbaniard. I reached
ofer der shib's railing, grapped Atmlral
Cervera by der back uf hiss neg, svlped
vrom him his scalblng knife und conclu
sioned der ent uf der Sbanish var, vile
all der rest ob der American offlclalejs
stoot by too frighdened to captlvatlon doti
vild Sbanish Atmiral."
"Bud dlt you nod dlt some flgbdlng?''
I set, mit a disappointing, sandvlched to
gedder in my vorts.
In a mlnld I discufferationed dot my
vorts hat mate me an unfriendliness mlt
der Atmlral.
"You haf offered me an insulting in
frond uf my 'presentation," he set, hiss
hart vords biding off a cubble of hiss teed.
"Nafy ofBcialers are nod supposltioned to
indulche in vullcar sea fighding varfare,
GLASSY EYE -
t'Ing to eat fer two days."
a big salary as star freak In a dime museum."
POEMS
A School Day.
Polly's gone to school today;
That la why the house is still
Carried smiles and chatter gay
To the schoolhouse on the hill.
Everything .Is prim and neat;
No need now to scold or frown;
Tet I ions for little hands
Scattering playthings up and down.
Noah's ark is stranded safe
High upon a sand hill's crest,
And the animals arc all ,
Taking a much-needed rest;
In their places sit the dolls,
On each face a painted smile,
As they 'wonder why "mamma''
Leaves them such a long, long while.
Mother Goose is on the shelf,
t Johnny Warner and Bopeep;
The china dor upon the rug
Has long since fallen fast asleep.
Slow the sun creeps down the' West;
- Slow the coming of the night;
What a pity baby girls
Needs must learn to read and"" write.
When my darling comes from school
"With her little stock of lore, 1
Shall I chide her childish ways
As I've often done before?
In the stillness I have conned
' O'er and o'er love's golden rule;
Dreamed of life in love's eclipse;
Thus I, too, have been to school.
Good 'Housekeeplnff.
f An Idyl of the Park.
. Upon the well-worn bench they sjt
Unmindful of who passes;
Around them sparrows chirp and flit,
Among the leaves and grasses.
Along the path that skirts their: feet
The babies take their airing,
And refugees from dusty street
Stroll chatting, jesting, -staring.
Fond lovers they within his arm
She nestles all securely. '
He holds her fast from stress and harm.
She yields to him demurely.
What matters gibe or sneer? Soft skies
Of perfect blue are o'er them, ,
And seen through one another's eyes
The vista opes before them.
No doubt her gown Is cheap; perchance
Her hat no French creation;
But naught Is lacking to his glance
Of tender adoration.
And If the hand that covers hers ,
Is calloused, brown, gigantic,
Her pulse beneath Its pressure stirs
With thrill no less romantic. i '
Some urchins 'scoff; some sparrows chaff;
A robin carolB sweetly;
A couple turns to look and laugh;
A' nursemaid smiles discreetly.
And I, In noting the embrace,
A sigh would vainly smother,
For, lo, defying time and place,
To hearts have found each bther. '
fcdwln L. Sabln In Leslie's Weekly.
Julep Time.
Hit julep time en' de mint des right,
En de juice des oozln' wlf dellght
Hit nachully
Won' le me be
Sayln': "Julep time fo yo' en mel"'",, .
Hit julep time en de Jug hlf grin, , "
En' de co'n juice say: "Don't keep me In!"
Hit go "glug-glug"
Dah 'n de Jug.
En say: "Oh, man, please pull dat plug.'
Hit Julep time, en dey coaxln so
De mint,, en' all I des don't know
Ef I stan' hit long ' ,
"Dey coaxln strong
En' de "Amen" seats whuh I Delong! '
Hit Julep time en hyuh's de Ice, '
En' de sugah, too, en de mint so nice,
En'de jur won't hide
(Hit by mah side)
So I guess I des got ter blackslldel
Beverages.
"Ve representation der dlckneddy uf der
Union Sdades.
Der conclusion uf dls inderfuw iss now
at an ent," he set.
Und mit those lasd vords sdlll valtzing
aboud der room mit hiss broken teed ve
separatloned oursellufs vrom togedder und
dapartloned. OKLIE S. AIMEE.
RatKer Too
Much for His Ma.
If Tjiis Lad Keeps On, He'll
Make His Mar in the World.
There Is a bright youngster uptown -who,
if he "keeps his health," probably will be
heard from in the future. He is not a
good boy, and has not yet been able to
establish a reputation for truthfulness;
but then he Is only seven years old.
Some time ago his mother missed a
dollar which she had left In a bureau
drawer. She mentioned the loss, but no
member of the. family seemed to know
anything about it. She did not question
the servant, for she felt sure of her hon
esty. The next day Robert the seven-year
old was quite ill and had to be put to
bed. His mother was quite anxious about
him. When she went to his bureau
drawer to get him something he needed
she discovered, .hidden In the back of the
drawer, under his clothes, a considerable
quantity of candy, a package of cigarettes
and some money. She figured out that
the purchases and the money left would
just about account for her dollar.
She was naturally very much distressed.
She went to the boy, told him of her
discovery of the candy arid the" 'cigar
ettes and asked- Him where he got them.
"Bought them," he replied.
"But where did you get the money to
buy them?" she asked.
"A gentleman gave It to me for going (
on an errand for him," the boy unblush
Ingly answered.
"How much did he give you for going
the errand?"
"A dollar." - ,
"Now, Robert, you have told me an
untruth! No man gave you a dollar for
going on an errand! I am certain that
you have lied to me!"
"No. I haven't!"
' "Yes, Robert, I know that you have!"
"Um-well, how do you know It?"
"Ah a little bird told me."
"Oh!" ejaculated Robert, with a sigh
of relief.
But the mother had not finished.
"Now, Robert," said she, "I want you
to tell me Just where you got that dol
lar?" "Where I got the dollar?" repeated
Robert. "Why do you bother me about
It? Why don't you go and ask your old
bird?" Philadelphia Inquirer.
HAD WRONG PIG BY EAR.
And It Got Him Into a Mighty Bad
Fix With His Landlord.' '
A young editor went to his new apart
ment, and was cordially greeted by' the
landlady. She said frankly to him: 'I
will tell you. sir, that my husband Is a
worthless fellow. I have to support him,
and he sometimes comes home very late,
drunk. There is no other objection to
"tne' house."
The editor said this was no matter, and
WORTH READING
Jim.
Th' brlngin' up 't children 'z like thet tenpin
game 4
Yew clt a half a dozen balls an' pitch 'em
all the same;
Tew Jes' roll 'em one be one, yew can't tell
vhat yew' 11 git- t
An' even while they're in yer sight yew can't
tell where they'll hltt
An' so 'tis with children. Yew start 'em. all
alike, )
Th' oney difference beln names, say Eben,
Zeb an Ike.
Well, the safety pin age past, an' off tew
school they go,
Then ef they keep their faces clean they'll
all git a show.
Fer instance, take them boys of mine (th
pride of -this here heart),
I've worked perty dog-goned hard tew give
them boys a start.
An' Zeb he's a tendin' store, got reg'lar busi
ness cares,
An Eben's doin mighty good, a farmin out
on shares.
Hank's got a blacksmith shop busy night an'
day
An' John, he alius stajs t' hum an' helps me
with th' hay.
But Jim! O Lord! I'm shamed at that ero
, son
I mistrusted somethln' soon after school be
gun. Well, ez I said afore, them boys all hed their
show , .
T learn a trade, or go to work but Jim! he
wouldn't go.
He'd set there In the orchid, alongside that
ere brook,
Jes set there wrltln' poetry said 'twas fer
a book.
Jim writ abaout th' Summertime, an wrlt
about the Spring, .
An' writ about th' old oak tree, an how th'
birdies sing;
An' then about the babblln' brook that bab
bles on ferever
As if a orook was go In tew stop till It got
tew th river!
Jim writ abaout "Th" old saw mill thet oft
lulled him to sleep!"
Now, to my thlnkln'ji saw mill noise Is 'nuf
tew make yew creep.
One verse was of the "muley cow with coat
ez soft ez silk,"
But Jim wa'n't nowhere nigh the cows when
It cum time tew milk!
Nother one wuz "Lovely snow, 's beautiful
t' see!"
But Jim wa'n't up at 4 A. M.jadoln' chores
like me!
There what's th' use a namln' 'em, r tellln'
yew no more
'Cause Jim he kep' on wrltln' he must hev
wrlt a score!
Well; last year Jim ho went t town, Jes' 'fore
It got cold,
(This ez Jes' t' show yew how them city folks
gits sold).
Thet boy got all them verses printed in a
book,
All the city people bought 'em; as Jim says,
"It Jes' took."
I could understan' their llkln' ef 'twas a
treatise on a horse.
Er how tew bring up chickens without hevln
any loss.
$ut jew never could advise Jim sence thet
Idee he first got,
An' wrote what he calls "poetry," but what
I think Is rot!
John Edward Hazzard In New York Herald.
I
' The Eyes of Love.
Sweetheart, the love for thee my spirit hears.
Like fabled Janus, two proud faces wears:
Toward happy vanished hours and sweet flown
days
Memory turns' backward-with a loving gaze;
While forward to the Joys'we yet shall know!
Anticipation looks with eyes aglow.
Carolyn Wells, In the Criterion.
thought no more of It until a -few nights
later, when a great uproar in the street
awoke him. He looked out of the window
and saw a man lying on the doorstep
shouting ribald things. "The husband,"
thought -the editor. "I'll go down and let
him In."
He ran forth in. his pajamas, grabbed tne
husband bythe neck, and, jerking him
into the hallway, proceeded to drag him
upstairs. But the man made strong ob
jections to his treatment. He howled oath3
and abuse, kicked, struggled, even pulled
out a nandful. of the young editor's hair,
but this was in vain, for the youth Is
strong and of a determined mind, and he
was bound that he would do his landlady
a good turn.
ne had got perhaps three parts of the
way upstairs with his burden, when two
heads sere poked In the dim light over
the balustrade, ana the landlady's voice
said, "Why, Mr. Blank, what are you do
ing?" N
The editor panted as he took a fresh
hold ami at the same time ducked a sharp
uppercut, "I'm bringing your husband up,
ma'am. He's drunk, again, I'm sorry to
say!"
From the other head on the landing
these words then Issued in a deep bass
voice. "What do you mean, young fellow,
by 'drunk again?' I'm this, lady's hus
band. Tjiat man doesn't belong here."
Instantly realizing his mistake, the edi
tor dumped his charge out into the street
again. Then he returned and apologized
lamely to the rightful husband for his
strange words. New York Telegraph.
GOT HIM AT LAST.
"Cabby" Played His Pinal Card With
,( Great Eelnt.
"I like perseverance in a man, even In
a hackman," said Mr. Peterson. "And
there, is one particular jehu doing busi
The Garden by the Roadside.
A sweet, old-fashioned garden by the dusty
road It grew,
With tiger lilies nodding in the sun;
And popples dressed' In scarlet bending o'er
forget-me-nots
Whose pilgrimage had only Just begun.
The phlox was running riot with the gay nas
turtiums' bloom,
And the aster whispered to the marigold:
"While a hollyhock a-tremble, wooed the
morning-glory gay
Where chrysanthemums had shivered In the
cold.
A stately old sunflower, that had leaned
against the wall,
And laid her head upon the window sill.
Stooped o'er the flowering almond, and lis
tened to the hymn
That was sighing through the pines upon
the hill.
Be3lde the porch, a fuchsia crept to breathe
tho Infants' -breath,
And cockscombs set the bluebells all a-rlng-lng;
Till the oleander, frowning, shook her. blos
soms on the ferns.
And the velvet-hooded dahlia stopped her
singing.
&
Then the Autumn plants grew silent, to the
goldenglow's delight,
And Eeranlums clasped the castor-beans in
fear;
While the daylight, softly dying, from the
chalice spilled the dew.
Till It glittered on the rosebud, like a tear.
But the magic moonbeams shining silvered all
the sleeping flowers,
And the garden old grew wondrous strange
and white;
While 'neath ther fence a pansy crept and
silent kissed my feet
Then I plucked it, shut the gato and said
"Good night."
v Boston Transcript.
The Sinn Who Shovels Coal.
In our recent naval warfare
There was a class -which got the bun.
In every song and story,
'Twas "The Man Behind the Gun";
But there was one who was forgot,
'Cause he's said to have no- soul, ,
It's the fellow In the flreroom,
The man who shovels coal.
CHORUS. '
He isn't nice to looks upon;
His appearance isn't grand,
, He's , full t of Xgrlme and nasty oil,
But he's' also full ot sand.
When on shore tho Jacks they parade,
Andthe citizens howl, O'Hurrah!"
The fireman stays- aboardshlp
To be kicked and cussed the more.
The people never see him, '
Far down In the black hole;
But he's all right; you just can. bet!
Is the man who shovels coal.
Chorus,
He's the bane of all his bosses
The cnslneers on watch,
Who always cuss him roundly
If there'3 anythlnir to botch.
But with battle hatches battened.
And when 'death Is taklnir toll.
The ship Is kept a'steamlng,
By the man who shovels coal.' "
' , Chorus.
P. L.' W. in Philadelphia Inquirer.
The Water Lily.
The Star looked uowh, and, on the lake afar,
Thought his reflection was anbther star, f
Its glowing beauty won his Instant 'love,
And lured him from bright fellowship abpve.
A leap of light a. flash upon, the lake!
The fallen Star too late knew his mistake.
J, t
Kind Heaven, in pity for his deep despair,
Bade him shine on, a Water Lily there;
And now, fair nights, he upward lifts his
eyes,
Responsive to his, brethren In the skies.
George Birdseye, In Town and Country.
J RESTAURANT PHRASE "MEDIUM BOILED."
i; S : ' " . j
ness in Washington who possesses that
quality In the superlative degree.
"When I visited the National Capital
I had my mind fully made up to have
nothing to do with the hackmen; so when
I stepped off the train and a crowd of
these gentry began shouting at me, 1
simply shook my head and passed on.
One of them, however, was not to be
thus easily disposed of. Dancing around
in front of me. so as to block my prog
ress, be vociferated:
" 'Hack, mister? Take you to the
Washington Monument or the Capitol?
Only half a dollar!'
"Again I shook my head.
" 'Smithsonian Institution or Treasury
Building? Take you to both of them for
75 cents.'
"Still I shook my head.
" 'Arlington and Fort Meyer? Drive
you over and back for 52!'
"As before, I responded with a shake
of the head.
" 'Navy-Yard or Soldiers' Home? Either
place for a dollar!'
"Another shake of the head.
" 'Want to go to the White House and
see the President? Drive you right there
for 50 cents!'
"More headshaking.
I " 'Patent Office or State Department?
Same price as the White .House!'
"Another shake.
"Mind you, all this time I hadn't op
ened my mouth or uttered a word, and
from the puzzled look on. the hackman's
face I thought I had him about discour
aged; but as I shoved past him, think
ing to make my escape, his countenance
suddenly brightened, and I heard him
mutter:
" 'By George, I've hit It now! I'll try
him just once more!' And then running
around in front of me again, he spelled
out of his fingers, in the deaf and dumb
.alphabet, with which I chanced to be fa
miliar, 'Deafand Dumb Asylum? Take
you rgiht to the door for a quarter!' "
Woman's Home Companion.
When Harvest Days Are Over.
When the harvest days are over an' the fod
der's In the barn, v
An the punklns big an yeller are all
stacked within the sheds.
An' the apples an the 'taters
An tho plcklo green termaters
An' the luscious beets and turnlp3 are with
, in their Winter beds;
"When the harvest days" are over an the
cider's runnln' free
Down the brown and luscious cheeses out
beneath the ol stun mill;
When the Autumn winds come slghln.
An the loosened leaves go flyln',
An the partridge starts a drummln' on the
' distant wooded hill;
When the harvest days are over an the frost
is 'white an' thick.
An' the sheds are fixed for Winter an' the
stock Is snug an' warm;
When the klttle's slngln' nightly,
An the fire's burnln brightly.
An' the hens an' turkeys sheltered from the
Winter's cold an' storm;
Then a feelin' of contentment passes thro
my rustic soul.
An' I settle by the fireplace In the kitchen's
cozy cheer.
An' a happernes3 steals o'er me
With the dreams thet dance before me,
When ' the harvest days are over an' tha
Winter time Is near.
Joe Cone In New York Herald.
I A Pay at School.
Oh, Tommy was a naughty boy.
He would not so to school;
He ran away 'meat every day,
And, would not keep a rule.
He went to school one Summer morn.
Intent on having fun.
With pin In hand, a little sand,
And, too. a small pop gun.
He put the pin on Ellen's seat;
She Jumped up with a scream;
Then, like a fool, on dunce'3 stool,
He bad to sit and dream.
' Upon that high and ancient seat.
His little gun he drew;
The ball he aimed at Paul,
In Grace's mouth It flew.
Then, innocent as he could be.
He gazed abstractly 'round;
I' need not say 'tis plain as day
The culprit was not found.
To form a climax to his pranks,
He filled a lunch box up
With all the sand he had at hand,
And then he broke a cup.
That night his teacher took him home,
I here must draw the veil; ,
What happened late, I'll not relate,
Let Tommy tell the tale. 1
Helen G. Reed In Brooklyn Eagle.
The Rejec,ted Manuscript.
O oft-repeated manuscript!
Unlucklest of all my rhymes
Thy soaring wings a score of times
The editorial shears have dipt.
The editorial fro3t haa nipt
Full oft my budding hopes of thee,
Condemned to still return to me,
O oft rejected manuscript!
O oft rejected manuscript!
I know not why they send thee back.
Nor rhyme nor reason dost thou lack
With both I find thee well equipt.
In heart and brain the pen was dipt.
Wherewith I wrote thee, line for line.
And jet thou'rt fated for decline,
O oft rejected manuscript!
O bft rejected manuscript!
O child of my bewildered brain!
Thou glvest me a .grievous pain
Each time I And thee homeward shlpt;
Yet, back, though thou hast oft been whlpt,
From many an editorial den,
Here goes to send thee out again.'
O oft rejected manuscript!
Denis J. McCarthy In New York Sun.
Not Down
On the Dill.
Mr. Bull Had His Inning n
This Particular Bull FighL
In the quaint old Mexican City of
Juarez, just across the Rio urande from
El Paso, there was to be a bullfight in.
the amphitheater, almost in the shadow
of the great cathedral. It was not to be
a performance of the kind that horrifies
visitors from the States with its persist
ent cruelty and occasional gore. Several
Americans were to be entertained In a
way that was Intended to satisfy their
sense of humor, as the Mexican managers
understood that somewhat mystifying ele
ment in the composition of their neigh
bors across the Rio Grande.
The plan was that a stout post should
be erected In the center of the great
arena. On the top was to be a horizon
tal cross-piece with four arms, and from
the end of each beam would hang ropes.
At the end of the ropes men would be
suspended so that their toes would barely
touch the sand.
As the crosspiece was on a pivot, the
men suspended from the ropes could, by
digging their toes into the earth, send
the wheel around at a rapia rate of speed.
The bull was to be introduced Into, the
arena In the usal way, and picadors and
the other performers were to goad the
animal toward the dangling men. But
they were not to be left to the onslaught
of the bull without protection. Mattresses
were to be securely tied around the four
chief performers, not reckoning the bull,
and these wrappings were to be of a flery
red, so that the bull would fiercely attack
them.
Fine Plan, All Right.
It was a fine plan, but It did not work
exactly as expected. It furnished amuse
ment to the Americans that was not on
the programme. The bull come into the
amphitheater, which was crowded to ti&
top of the circle by peons, all of them
carrying clubs or other things wherewith
to make a din that was deafening, when
matters went to please them, and, in
deed, whether they were pleased or not.
Picadors on horses drove the animal to
ward the center ot the arena, and the
bull plunged-forward headlong at the near
est victim.
The four men dug their toes Into the
soil, but the crosspiece refused to budge
an inch. One of the suspended Mexicans
wa8 big and fat, and the Mexican on the
other end of his beam was a little fellow.
The result was that the crosspiece tipped
up so much on one side and was so much
depressed on the other side that It could
not revolve. As the fat victim saw the
bull lower his head and run at him. he
uttered a wild cry of despair.
At the Impact the man went into the
air about 20 feet, coming down with a
jolt at the end of the rope, which held,
fast. Meanwhile, his companions In mis
ery were straining to get out their knives
to cut the ropes, but before they could
do so, the bull was upon them, one after
another. He tossed them and chased theni
as they flew hither and thither, and the
air seemed filled with red mattresses.
Finally the horns of the bull became,
tangled In one of the mattresses, and bull,
mattress and man were hidden in a cloud
of dust kicked up by the infuriated ani
mal. v Fnn for Everybody.
Yells and cheers floated over the amphi
theater from the peons massed around;
they thought It was all a part of the
show. The clubs were whacked on the
seats and against the barriers, as their
owners excitedly leaned over, and their
shouts arodeabove the cries of the men
In the center and the bellowtngs of the
bull. The Americans were convulsed.
At last the four men got out their
knives, cut the ropes and made a desperate
dash for the barriers. As these were con
structed for actual bullfights, there were
partitions built out from the IncIo9ure
and behind each was an exit leading to
the outside of the building. It was in
tended that a matador, who was fcoo hard
pressed, should retreat behind the ln
closure and issue again as soon as danger
was past. For these places the men start
ed, two of them for the same refuge of
safety and both of them followed by ffce
bull.
They fell, were trampled upon, rolled
over and over, clambered to their feet
again and ran and were again knocked
down. After great tribulation they reached
their havens of safety, but, as the mat
tresses did not permit them to get in the
narrow space. The bull made after one
man who was struggling to wedge him
self into the space, and a blow from, he
hlnd drove him In, like a cork driven
into a bottle. When he was well fixed
there and in no position to extricate him
self the bull, being unable to butt him,
any farther into the space, turned hi3
attention to another and in turn fixed
them so fast that they were as firm as
part of the building.
The natives thought it was all very
funny until after the exhibition, when
they learned that there had been a mis- '
take somewhere. Then, with their usual
custom when a bullfight displeased them,
they promptly and cheerfully set to and
tore down the entire building. As it was
not unusual for this turn to be taken. It
was no great loss.
Xo Apolosy Necessary.
When the managers came around ana
expressed their sorrow that the very ele
vated and distinguished senors had come
far to see a miserable failure, the spokes
man, with as grave a face as he could
assume, declared that the Americans had
been vastly amused and all of the other
Americans politely and gravely assented.
New York Sun.
Why He Felt Bad.
"Good morning, Jasper! I am very
sorry to hear of your domestic trouble.'
"T'ank'e, sah, but I hain't knowln just
w'at sorter trebble yo 'fers ter."
"Why, Isn't it true, as I have heard,
that your wife has run away from you?"
"Dar haln nuffin mo true, san.'
"Then you certainly must feeL bad about
It, don't you?"
"I haln 'nyln" dat at de presen time I
done feel radder bad.'
"At the present time? I don't know
what you mean by that."
"I mean, sah, dat she haln' ylt had
time ernuff ter, git so far away as ter
make me plum sho' she haln' nebber
comra back." Boston Courier.
V -