The Sunday Oregonian., August 05, 1900, PART THREE, Page 28, Image 28

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THE SUNDAY OREGONIAN, OUTI-AND, AUGUST o, 1900.
TOMBSTONE ABSURDITIES
RIDICULOUS EFFORTS OF CliUSISi"
EPITAPH-MAKERS.
Samples of Verte and. Proe Called
From. Cntxrch-Yard and Other
Places of Interment.
"Without Touching for the accuracy of
the Quotations, or the exact location of
the dead, although I think they are
nearly. If not -wholly correct, the f ollow
Ing epitaphs -will, I fancy, prove of In
terest to readers of The Oregonian: '
A young lady Is burled at Dorchester,
Mass., and on her tombstone is the fol
lowing: '
On the 21st of March
God's anrels made a SARCHE, .
Around the door they .stood;
They took a maid,
It Is said.
And cut her down like- wood.
In a church-yard at Hartford, Conn.,
is this:
Here lies two babies so dead as nits;
Ie Lord he kilt dem mid his ague fits;
When dey -was too good" to live mlt me.
He took dem up to live mlt He.
So He did.
Down In Kentucky is the following, on
a moss-covered tombstone;
"This yere Is sakrid to the memory of
"William Henry Skarakan. -who came to
his death by bein shot by Colt's rcvol
ver one of the old kind, bras mountid,
and of such is the kingdom of heaven."
An inscription on a tombstone in East
Tennessee' concludes thus:
"She lived a life of virtue and died of
cholera morbus, caused by eating green
fruit,, in the hope of a blessed immortal
ity, at the early age of 21 years, 7 months
and 36 days. Reader, go thou and do
likewise.'"
This comes from the great State of
Ohio:
Under this sod
And under these trees
X.lcUi the bod-
y of Solomon Pease.
He's not In this bole.
But only his pod;
He shelled out his soul
And went up to his God.
The subjoined comes from old Con
necticut: Here lies, cut down like unrlpefrult.
The -wife of Deacon Amos Shute;
She died of drinking too much coffee, -Anny
Domini eighteen forty.
"BIeBed Are the Dead'
A tombstone In the State of Texas
bears the following inscription, and I
have always suspected it -was -written by
my eloquent friend. General Klllfeather:
"He remained to the last a decided
friend and supporter of Democratic prin
ciples and measures. Blessed' are the
dead -who die In the Lord."
The State of Maine has a stone erected
by the -widow, bearing the following epi
taph: "Sacred to the memory of James H.
B m, who died August C. 1800. His
widow; who mourns as one who can be
comforted, aged 24, and possessing every
Qualification for a good wife, lives at
street, in this village."
But here Is an epitaph that is more
than a match for the widow "who can
"be comforted":
"Here lies Jane Smith, wife of Thomas
Smith, marble cutter. This monument
was erected by her nusband as a tribute
to her memory and a specimen of his
work. Monuments of the same style,
$250."
South Carolina nas this:
"Here lies the bones of Robert Gordon,
mouth almighty and teeth accordln;
stranger, tread lightly over this wonder;
If he opens his mouth, you're gone, by
thunder'
The following is attributed to Oregon,
and for wont of a better place, I will
give it to Astoria:
An honest fellow here Is laid.
His debts In full he always paid;
And, what's more strange, his neighbors tell us.
tie Drought back borrowed umbrellas.
In England during the seventeenth and
eighteenth centuries the necessity of
rhyme is curiously Illustrated in many
epitaphs. See the following:
Under this stone, oped three score and ten,
U the remains of "William Wood Hen.
N. B. For Hen, read Cook. Cook wouldn't
come In rhyme.
EPITAPH.
Hre lies John Bunn.
"Who was killed by a pun.
His name wasn't Bunn. but his real name wa
Wood,
But "Wood wouldn't rhyme with gun, so ' I
thought Bunn would.
Mr. Thomas Sexton, of England, had
the misfortune to lose two wives, and
on the tombstone of one he had Inscribed
this epitaph. The stone is In a church
yard near Newmarket:
Here lies the body of Sarah Sexton
She was a wife and never vexed one.
I can't soy so much for the one In the next
stone.
One Foot(e) in the Grave.
Samuel Foote, the noted English come
dian, has an epitaph in "Westminster
Abbey, which reads as follows:
Here lies one FOOTE, whose death may thou
sands save.
For death has now one foot within the grave.
In old Gray Friars, at Edlnburg, is
this epitaph:
Here snug In grave my wife doth lie,
Now she's at rest and so am X.
And this from "Wales:
Here lies my dear wife, a sad slattern and
shrew, ,
If I said I rerretted her. I would lie, too.
In St. Michael's church-yard, Coven
try, In this, on a wife:
She was
But words are wanting
To say -what.
Look what a wife should bo
And she was that.
On a talkative old maid (17501:
Beneath this silent stone Is laid
A noisy, antiquated maid.
Who from her cradle talked to death
And ne-'or before was out of breath.
The following -Is a copy of an .epitaph
In an Irish church-yard:
"Heix? lies the body of the lady
O'Looncy, great niece of Burke, common
ly called the Sublime. She was bland,
passionate and deeply religious: also she
painted in water colors and sent several
pictures to the exposition. She was first
cousin to lady Jones and of such is the
kingdom of heaven."
An epitaph on the English Chancellor
uf tne Exchequer was written and passed
around the House of Commons. It was
handed to Mr. Gladstone, and when he
had read It he passed it to Mr. Robert
Ixrwe. It -was as follows:
Hew He the bones of Robert Lowe.
Where he has cons to I don't know.
If t the realms of peace aod love.
Farewell to happiness abov; -.
If iMMiij- to wmr lower level.
I can't ooarratulate the devil. v
Horace Advice.
Horace, in his Ars Poetlca, has given us
apt Instructions as to sound and sense
and the necessity of adapting the
rhythm, meter, and. sound to the thought
expressed. How ridiculous a galloping
meter, like a wedding march or a cake
walk, can render an epitaph, may be ob
served from the "following:
Four doctors tackled Johnny Smith '
They blistered and they bled him;
"With Pu!tte and antl-blllous pills
And Ipecac they fed "him.
They stirred him up with calomel,
And tried to move bis liver;
But all la vain; his little soul
"Was wafted o'er the river.
And this equally Inappropriate meter:
OM bury Bartholomew out in the woods.
In a beautiful bole In the cround.
"Where the bumble-bees buzz and the wood
peckers sing.
And the straddle-bags tumble around, etc, etc.
The four greatest- men the world has
produced Alexander, Hannibal, Caesar
and Napoleon have no epitaphs. The
smaller the man, the more elaborate the
epitaph:
"When all is done upon bis tomb Xs seen,
Not what ho was. but what he should have
been.
MAC MAHON.
BROKEN-CHINA PATCHWORK.
Fanny Quips of the Fonny "Writers
Over Boxer Situation.
The Dragon My civilization is older
than yours, and to my mind much
rounder and sweeter. It agrees with me,
and all I want is to be left In the peaceful
enjoyment of It. Why can't you leave me
alone?
England Tou keep on shutting your
door!
United States Tou chaw up mission
aries! Germany You are all that Is left to go
for!
France A bas, fabled monster!
Russia Tou would make a beautiful
offset to India!
Japan "We want to finish with you!
Dragon proceeds to get steam up. Lon
don Outlock.
Among the natives there were two par
ties. Of these the progressives favored kill
ing the missionaries.
"For unless we embroil ourselves in war
with the great Caucasian or Christian na
tions," they argued, "how shall be ever
become civilized?"
"We don't want to be civilized," said
the conservatives. "Let the mission
aries alone!"
Party feeling ran high, and much rancor
was displayed, first and last. Detroit
Journal.
"Hello, central!"
"Well?"
"Pekln, please; the palace of the Dow
ager Empress." .
"All right!"
"Who wants Her Majesty?"
"This is Paul Kruger. president of the
South African Republic."
"Well, Paul, what do you want?"
"I Just want to warn you that the In
ternationals will get your capital."
'Well, If they do, they will have to pay
a price that will stagger humanity. So
long!" Pittsburg Chronicle.
"Set fire to the city," commanded the
Dowager Empress.
"May I ask why, sub'lme sister-in-law
of the Celestial spheres?" inquired the
head of the household watch-guard.
"I am burning the city," replied the Em
press, "so that there will be no Peking
around here!"
And. gathering up her brocade train of
real China silk, she swept like a water
logged Junk from the apartment. Cleve
land Plain Dealer.
"I am sorry about this disturbance In
our great capital," said the grave China
man, as he laid down tne Celestial Ga
zette and took up his copy of Confucius.
"Has it personally affected you?"
"No. And I am superior to material
considerations, anyhow. What annoys
me Is the probability that this trouble In
Pekln will hinder us in our programme
for sending missionaries to St. Louis."
Washington Star.
"Josiah," said Mrs. Chugwater, who
was looking at the headlines in the morn
ing paper, "what is this Chinese problem
they are all talking about?"
"You wouldn't be able to understand it
If I should show It to you," replied Mr.
Crugwater. "It's written in tea-chest
characters, and lots of the Chinese them
selves can't work it." Chicago Tribune.
"What do you think of these yarns
about the Chinese being the most civil
ized people on earth?" asked Piute Pete.
"Well," answered Three-Finger Sam,
"I must say their way o" treatin strang
ers they don't happen to like reminds
me of the palmy days In our great an'
growin City of Crimson Gulch." Wash
ington Star.
"Did you say the Chinese 'language Is
monosyllabic?" asked Mr. Keekton.
"Yes." answered the professor.
"Well! Well! I must tell Henrietta
about that. The Idea of the Empress
Dowager and the other ladies of the court
being obliged to express their feelings one
little syllable at a time!" Washington
Star.
"The Germans are taking a hand In the
breaking up of China," said the young
law student, looking up from his paper.
"Well, before we quit housekeeping and
went to boarding." remarked the pro
moter's wife, "I found that the colored
servants were just as careless as the for
eigners." Baltimore American.
"The time has come in this Chinese af
fair." said the man from the West, "to
let loose the dogs of wir."
"You may rent assured," said the Bos
ton member of the Atkinson Peace Soci
ety, "that among those war dogs there
will be no Boston terrier." Cleveland
Plain Dealer.
"In neglecting to accept the urgent In
vitation sent him by the Dowager Em
press of China, old LI Hung Chang shows
that he intends to remain in the front
ranks of progress."
"How so?"
"He means to keep a head!" Cleveland
Plain Dealer
"I am thinking about sending some of
my new electric fans to China."
"Don't do It."
"Why not?"
"There are too many revolutions there
already." Chicago News.
"They say that Kruger Is going at it
harder than ever."
"What has braced him up so suddenly?"
"Oh, he's mad because the Dowager
Empress has knocked him out of the pub
lic eye." Detroit Free Press.
Snarlev There's nnn thlnir nhmit !
.tjoxer war mat worries me.
Yow What's that?
Snarley I'm afraid it'll revive the fif
teen puzzle. Syracuse Herald.
Chinese Maxims.
The mean man sows that he himself
may- reap.
Not to correct our faults Is to commit
new ones.
The good man loves all men: he loves
to speak with all.
Have no companionship with a man who
injures his neighbor.
One forgives everything to him who
forgiyes himself nothing.
To develop the principles of our higher
nature Is to know heaven.
Deal with evil as with disease, the ob
ject of punishment Is to make an end of
punishing.
The path of duty Is near, yet men seek
it far off. Go home and seek it and you
will not lack teachers.
When you know a -thing maintain that
you know it; when you do not know it
admit the fact that is wisdom.
In transacting business be faithful in
speech with friends, be not envious, and
In dally conduct be signified, refinea.
The disease of men Is neglecting to
weed their own fields and busying them
selves with weeding the fields of others.
1 Never allow yourself to do a wrong
thing because It seems trifling, nor to
neglect doing a good tiling because It
seems small.
The man who In the presence of gain
thinks of righteousness, who in the pres
ence of danger Is ready to give up his
life, who never forgets a promise he Is
a complete man. Unidentified Exchange
CAMPING -OUT COMFORTS
SEASONABLE HUiTS FOR,FISHER
3IEX, HUXTERS AJfD OTHERS.
Up-to-Bate Conveniences That Rob a
Season Spent in the "Woods' of
Every Discomfort.
Camplng-out things have, of course,
long been articles of sale by the dealers
in sportsmen's goods, but there never was
a time before when they were offered in
such variety, and of, such perfect, adapta
bility, to their use, as now." Of tents
there Is a great variety, of all kinds and
styles and sizes, for from two men "up,
and if these tents are not' in stock, the
dealer makes any of them to order within
24 hours. There are camp 'stoves and
camp ovens and various camp cooking
utensils. Among the new things In this
line are the cooking kits of aluminum,
which are wonders of lightness and com
pactness; suchklts are made of various
sizes, for from two persons upward.
An aluminum cooking kit and camp
outfit for six" persons occupies, when
packed for transportation,, a space little,
If any,- greater than that taken up by
any ordinary water bucket Such a kit
contains four pails, nesting snugly to
gether and each provided wth a cover
and a" baih There are in the kit knLyes
and forks and spoons and cups and plates
ICE CAVERNS OF CROOK
ENTRANCE TO PRINCIPAL CAVE. THE LQG CABIN ON THE SURFACE LEVEL WAS FORMERLY USKD BY
HUNTERS FROM PRINEVILLE, WHO IELTED ICE OBTAINED IN THE CAVERN FOR WATER.
A correspondent of The Oregonian suggests, as a side trip for the Mazamas, on their annual outing and visit of
exploration to Mount Jefferson during the coming week, a "jaunt" to another- of Crook County's natural wonders
the ice caves in the region of the Deschutes River. These caves are wonderful in formation ,and are, said to be
.picturesque beyond description, but, for some unknown reason, they have hot received the attention from explorers
and others that they deserve. The Oregonian today presents the above sketches descriptive of the caverns, and which
were kindly furnished by W. H. Dierdorff, of Hillsboro, who was one of a -railway surveying party which visited the
scene. 12 years ago. An article in a recent issue of The Oregonian covered quite freely the several features of these
natural phenomena, and brief reference thereto at this time may-prove, interesting. v
Near the source of the Deschutes River there are a number of caves, but. the chief curiosity of the group Is the
great ice caverns. Strange as it may seein, they border on one of the "deserts" common to the region, and a partial
exploration supports the belief that they are" not very large. The "father cave" contains a considerable amount of
ice, at nearly all seasons, while a number of the group furnish a sup'ply the greater portion of the year. In the first
mentioned cavern the ice supply is only 75 feet from its mouth, and possibly not over 50 feet from the surface of the
earth. In other caverns of like, depth, Jn the same vicinity, there is no ice, and a well at that depth would not retain
ice much longer than if it were on top of the ground.
Entrance to the principal cave is gained by descending an incline of about 45 degrees. The south opening re-
ceives the light of the sun with considerable force, and at noon its rays almost reach the ice. The locality around
the caves experiences very warm weather during the Summer, and the preservation or the ice is certainly a great
mystery. The. Mazamas f would certainly find ho more fruitful" section' for exploration in Oregon.
Interior of cavern, loojeingr ontvrard.
Ice floor and. boulders covered
with ice.
and coffee -pot and frying pans every- j
thing that could be needed for the con- i
venience and comfort of the campers, and
everything made so that it will go inside '
the Innermost of the nest of pails. Tner
frying pans are Ingeniously contrived to
be used with a pole, handle, which is cut
at the camp and inserted In the handle
of the frying pan, so that the cook
doesn't have to bend down over the fire.
In the smoke, butcan, with KIs long
handled frying pan, stand up straight and
away from the heat and manipulate the
pan In comfort. ' f
Sleeping- Ontflt.
The hunter or fisherman who camps out
can, of course, build a bed for .himself
with crotched sticks ana poles, or he can
make a bed of boughs, upon which to i
spread his blankets; or he can buy a
sleeping outfit that oan be made ready
for use In much less time than lie could
build a bed from Nature's materials, and
that would at the same time give him,
in the midst of Nature, ahrfolutef luxury,
besides being, when not in use, light and
portable to a high degree.
Folding camp beds have long been
made, but they are. made nowadays, light
er and to do up In completer form than
ever. One can buy a camp bed very
comfortable to sleep on, that will Ho up
for transportation into a light bundle
three feet long by six inches square. If
he wants something more comfortable
Still he can buy an air mattress, which
can be quickly inflated, and which,-de
flated, makes a roll 20 Inches In length by j
Aye Inches in diameter. Sleeping bags,
which, not many years ago were articles
of limited sale, and which when used
were more likely to be supplied by the
guides, are nowadays made In variety
and sold In considerable numbers. They,
.are lined with furs of various kinds, or
with lamb's -wool, or blankets, heavy or
light, sleeping bags being made. for use
In any climate. Sleeping bags may be
costly, or Inexpensive, according to the
materials of which they are made.
There are camp chairs of various kinds,
old and new, and tables likewise, all
highly , portable, a table for four people,
for example, being made to fold Into a
bundle three feet long and four inches
thick one way by sis the other.
A modern sort of contraption is a pock
et ax, a useful little implement, that
can be dropped Into a pocket or in one's
bootleg. The pocket ax has a pivoted
guard that can be closed down over Its
edge, as the handle of a razor Is closed
"over 'Its edger this for the protection of
the carrier, and to protect the edge
itself;, when the ax" is used the guard
Is thrown back on Its pivot, to shut lpto
tho. handle, out of the way, flush with the
handle's surface.
There are compasses, of course;- the
modern camp compass being put Into a
nickel case like a watch case, most con
venient to carry and use; there are water
proof match boxes, and so on. There), Is,
in fact, to be found in these days,- for
camping-out, everything that could be -required,
for convenience, for comfort, or
for luxury, and all these up td date in
economy of place and weight.
The camper-out can also get In the
sporting goods establishment food in con
siderable variety, this being," like the
sportsman's camp equipage, food put up
ifi the compactcst possible -form. " He 'can
COUNTY-ONE'OF OREGON'S NATURAL WONDERS
- . "
INTERIOR OF CAVERN TORCHES BURNING IN INNER CHAMBER,
REFLECTING LIGHT ON ICE.
buy In a cylindrical paper box of the
size of a quart measure, and very light
to carry, In the form of a powder, the
yolk of six dozen eggs; in-a form some
what like that of a dynamite cartridge,
six inchesMn length by an inch or an inch
and a half in diameter can be bought,
in this highly condensed form, peas suffi
cient to make two or three gallons of
pea soup. Potatoes and other, vegetables
can be bought condensed.
In a box not much larger than that of
a penny box of matches are sold a dozen
capsules of beef extract so condensed that
one of them will make a quart of bouil
lon. There are soups and other foods high
ly concentrated, put up in little blocks
the size of yeast cakes, that when pre
pared will yield a meal; so that it is
quite possible for the man who is going
camping out to carry along, In very little
space, food as well If he so desires for
supplies until he begins to get his own,
or to guard against any emergency or for
eking out other supplies. New York Sun.
Had I But Thought.
How many things '
Not gTeat achievements.
Nor -that which might have proved
A vantage gained, exultant joy.
Ambition's glittering goal;
Nor earned a saintly crown
Nay, but little things, sans labor, without cost;
Commingled tithes of duty, surd, neglected
ones.;
A partial merit for mankind's esteem
And proffered love of kith and kin,
I might have done, had I but thought?
ARTHUR D. MARSHALL.
YE SLY AND JOVIAL CRAB
FEEDS MUCH AMUSEMENT Uf TOY-
IXG TViTH. BATHERS' TOES.
Abounds at Fort Stevens", Wnere He
la Said to Flourish Best "When
Many Fishermen Drown. .
FORT STEVENS, Or., Attg i The
fortunate sojourner- by the sea Is
touched with -pity, when he .reads of the
many prostrations and deaths.from heat
In the East, and he notes with commis
eration the pitiable condition of the dent
.zens of Portland, as they swelter under
a temperature of "SO degrees in the shaoe.
Down here, on the classic shores of- tne
Columbia, at Fort Stevens, no such con
ditions exist. The cool breezes from the
ocean soothe the aching brow of care,
and the hoarse roar of the sea lulls one
to sleep at night.
There are no limp collars here. One
may be worn a-week. and then stand as
rigidly erect as a Boston "spinster of 40
Summers. This must not be construed as
suggesting the impropriety of bringing
more than one collar, if a visitor Is golng
to spend a week. here. Two are absolute
ly necessary If one wishes to acquire
any social standing, and there is one
very stylish.young man nere who actu
ally sports three. He. is the cynosure of
all eyes, when he apears, and one young
lady who drops into rhyming as eas'ly
as a child, has written a sonnet, in "which
she makes collars, dollars, -strollers, and
"hollers" all rhyme beautifully. She
closes her little gem by rhyming sea,
free, three and me. It really must be
read to be appreciated.
There Is one thing about thisglfted
singer one can't help admiring, and that
is; her indomitable pluck. She knows no
such Word as, fall.
One evening a group of ladies and gen
tlemen were dlscuslng their favorite no
vels, when some one "jocularly asked her
if she had ever readj. "The" Seven Buck
ets of Blood." She never had, and since
then, she has spent all her leisure hours
trying to obtain a copy of the thrilling
story. ,
Johnny v jind the Crab.
There are many pleasant ways to while
away the time here, and the most excit
ing of all, perhaps, is fishing for crabs.
The crab of Fort Stevens is not a seductive-looking
objeqt; neith'er is he inclined
to be social with the genus homo, il
though I saw a lad and an old grand
father crab that were very much at
tached to each other.
It was another case pf Mary and the
lamb; only. In this instance, Jt was John
ny and the crab, and every. place that
Johnny went, the crab we'nt, too, and
Johnny did not was'te any time going,
and howled at every step. Someone an
ally caught Johnny and held him, while
the rest of us tried to divorce him from
Mr. Crab. But the beast refused to be
separated from the. object of his attach
ment. He had secured a firm hold on -tne
boy's big toe with his most' formidable
claw; had set the time lock fo It, and
was there to stay.
We finally separated tho claw from
the crab's body, yet It still held the
toe, and the blades of the claw had to
bo divided before it was taken away.
The boy's toe was cut to thebone, and.
It is a wonder It was not cut off. Not
long since a man had the Index finger
of his right hand caught in the claw
of one of tho monsters, and the finger
was cut off as smoothly as could 'have
been done with a pair tit surgeon's for
ceps. The wonderful strength"- of the- front
claw of a crab was manifested not long
ago by a "crabber," who carried 14 large
crabs from the beach to Hammond, a
distance of two miles, by simply putting
the leg of one in the claw of another
and repeating the .process with the oth
ers until he had formed aohain of crabs;
their hold Is of such bull-dog "tenacity
that none of them let go.
The Incident reminded me of a story
I had beard of a hog-drover in Illinois.
He had one old porker trained to lead
the drove, and he would sew up the eyes
of all the hogs, place nis leader In front,
put his tall In the mouth of another
hog, that one's tall in the mouth of an
other, and so on until all were attached.
Then. he would start the leader, which
would lead the drove straight Into Chi
cago, while the owner would ride ahead
and have the hog3 soid long before their
arrival.
Loses Whole Drove.
But this enterprising man came to
grief at last, and lost a whofe drove of
hogs. A genius- who had been taking
Items slipped, up one day when the drove
was about two miles from town; cut
off tho leader's ,tail, tookhold of the
bloody end, and led the drove Into town
by another street. Then he sold the
whole lot and skipped out to St. Louis,
where he was happy ever afterward.
But returning to the subject of shell
fish, there Is no greater dainty than a
fat. juicy crab. However, they are not
so .fat, epicures say. this year as usual.
The wise men attribute It to the small
number, of fishermen drowned. During
the. years when the waters were .rough
and many men drifted over thebar and
were drowned, tho crabs were almost too
fat to be palatable, and had a distinctly
Swedish taste, mingled with Russian
Finn. , '
Thero is a story current here 'of' a
drowned fisherman being picked up who
was full of crabs. An old lady, with &
basket, gathered them up and then
begged them to "set" the Swede again,
alleging that he was- good for nothing
else, and that she had reached the age
when sho was willing to cat Swede, secf
ond-hand. No oie will vouch for the
truthfulness of this story, and it may
have emanated from tne mind of some
depraved individual who has no regard
for the truth.
If one t'ires of the beaph and Its
charms, he may slip away into' the cool
woods, where a heavy carpet of moss
covers the ground to a depth of two
inches o- more.' Here he may lie at i..s
case, and as long as ho wishes, and that
Is what r have been doing for two long,
blissful hours.
T. FRANZEL CRAWFORD.
STILL SET THK FASHIONS.
Parisian Women Maintain the Lead
in This Respect. '
The, swell women of Paris are having
an excellent opportunity to show the
world that the Parisian woman still holds
her place as the foremost exponent of
fashion. There has been an attempt of
late years to-topple her from her pedestal
and set the American woman upon It; and
there is reasonable ground for the theory
that the well-gowned American girl is
hard to beat, but all the same, the scep
ter remains In Paris. The American wo
man may carry the mode better than the
French woman, but she doesn't get it to
carry until the fastidious French leader
of fashion has tried It for a season and
turned to something else. Foreign buy
ers flatter themselves that they are ob
taining the latest French mbder. In all
probability they carry home styles that
are ahead of the mode elsewhere and are
reigning in Paris, but the mode that Is
popular in Paris Is not the mode of the
Parisian smart woman. - She sets the
fashion, and when others adopt it, she
demands a new one.
There is, says the New York Sun, no
absolute leader of fashion in Paris so
'clety today. In the old days when Worth
was kintr. thero were two or three women
whose dictum could make or mar a fash
ion, and it was for those few that Worth
achieved his greatest triumphs. He turned
out correct, but .ordinary, confections for
his rich Americans and foreigners, but
when he had a daring innovation to make
when he wished to take the world of
fashion by storm, he tried his new crea
tion on -one of his few Parisian patrons
who could make or mar Its triumph.
Ills Opportunity.
A great boll, an Important wedding, a
particularly swell social function of some
sort gave him the opportunity for launch
Ing his daring craft, and no new nlav or
book or picture made a more sensational
debut and excited more comment than a
new mode.
Today; when the sovereignty of social
leaders and of dressi.iaker3 is much divid
ed, new fashions blossom out in a less
striking way, save when some popular
actress is chosen as a medium for the
introduction of a new mode. The first
night of a new play in which one of these
actresses appears is an Important event,
and often the reigning style for the sea
son Is decided then and there, but this
method of exploitation has a yulgar pub
licity that dooms the mode to a swift
death among the, ultra swell and a speedy
acceptance by the great and undlscrlm
Inatlng public.
When one sees a fashion In Bhop win
dows and in the showrooms of the dress
making establishments, one may be sure
that there is a certain set of French
women who have already tired df It and
thrown it aside. There are a host of de
signers employed by the dressmakers of
Paris, but thero are today only two er
three artists of fashion who understand
the philosophy of color and line, and with
whom designing is a fine art, who can
transform a complexion by a color scheme
and a figure by a scheme of line, and even
they bring the best of their art to bear
only upon a select few.
One French hobby is exciting the
amused comment of visitors to the ex
position. In "no other place Is the- pet
dog the object of. such devoted attention
and extravagance as In Paris, and this
Is the great season of the dog. His expo
sition toilets are affairs of as great mo
ment as the toilets of his mistress, and
jewelers and dog tailors have lavished
ornament and elegance upon him. The
managers of the exposition recognize his
importance as a social arbiter.' and he Is
admitted free, when he accompanies his
mistress to the grounds. i
Extravagant Nc.cltwenr..
Warm weather Is forcing him to lay
aside his embroidered and jeweled blan
kets and coats, but he makes up for the
deprivation by special extravagance In
neckwear. The latest thing in dog collars
Is a band of velvet, ending in a chic but
terfly bow at the back, and studded with
Jewels In elaborate designs, while from
the center"of the bowknot dangles a Jew
eled bangle of some sort, bearing the
wearer's name.
One notorious deml-mondaina has, it Is
sald, 21 dog collars for her pet terrier,
andeach one represents a-small fortune
In jewels. A famous actress has a. -fad
for cabochon settings In her dog collars,
and instead of having the jewels set In
the velvet has the uncut gems mounted
in slides of rare design and workmanship.
CHINESE CHOW-CHOW.
Suggested by the Attitude of the Boxer
- ; .and the 'Powers.
THE BOXER.
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2-tCd. will a. Da.T6a.rn
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forcp- the. Fowers "to
tarms to lKee."t "tlies.e.
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all. ike Powers ca.n
fn-uL ust wUtt,r n
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HIS LITTLE HATCnET.
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HKTCHCT'
9IARCHIX' ON PEKIX.
"Well. I swan! I'm Interested
In this Chinee question now,
Fer It looks ez ef them Boxers
Hev kicked up' a fearful row.
I was most awful tickled
At the news from "Washln'ton.
Aa It looks ez of our Chaffee's
Goln ter jflve them Boxers fun.
"When I seed old England's wfllln
Ter JIne her men with ours,
"U'lth our Chaffee, as the Gla'ral,
Regardless of the powers,
I Jest let out a holler.
An' I hollered loud es sin,
Fer new the allied armies
Will be marchln on Pekln.
Ef the Japs an French an" Germans
Want ter Jlne the marchln' line,
Gtn'ral Chaffee he Is wllllnV
Fer he aez he won't decline;
An p'raps them Kooshen fellers.
An Eyetallan soldiers, too.
Will be clad-ter Jlne with Chaffee.
Without enny howdydo.
It begins ter look like blzness
It's the Ansler-Saxun's way
When he's sot a Job. he duz It,
Duzn't "chaw the rag" all day.
I Jest hope they'll "lam' them Boxers,
Save them white folks from their plight.
Knock the heathen all ter flinders.
When they git down ter the fight.
CHARLES E. SAWYER.
Forbes and HIa Flrat Audience.
As a lecturer $n his experiences, Archi
bald Forbes was very popular, and ho
was fond of recounting an experience of
his debut In that capacity at Lcven. Flfe
shlre. With a thumping heart the new
lecturer appeared at the hall door shortly
before the starting time of 8 o'clock,
and, not wishing to crush through a
great audience on his way to the plat
form, he asked -the hallkeeper to conduct
him to a side door.
"Ye needna mind," replied that func
tionary, not unkindly; "there's no crood.
When Forbes entered the hall he had to
admit that the keeper was quite correct.
There was not a single soul present. Af
ter a bit, however, a man strolled In, and
calmly proceeded- to choose a seat 1
seems he was a commercial traveler, put-
ting up at the place for the night, who.
had found time hanging heavily on his
hands. Nobody else coming, Forbes said
to the "audience"; '
"Will you have the lecture, or will you '
have a drink?' ' J
"A drink," said the traveler. Golden,
Penny.
ful
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a. sin;