The Sunday Oregonian., June 03, 1900, PART THREE, Page 32, Image 32

32
THE SUNDAY 0"REGONIAN, POETLAND, JUNE 3, 1900.
OUR UNCLE SAM'S CADET WARDS,
Training Boys to Become Soldiers at West Point, the Best and
Most Democratic Military Academy in the
Entire World.
The Board of "Visitors now at the mili
tary academy, "West Point, N. Y.. and
wlbo, by Presidential appointment, are in
specting the post and the drills' of the
cadets, doubtless will leave there with
the feeling that there Is nowhere a bet
ter "set-up" military battalion than that
formed by the future officers of .Uncle
Sam's Army. Merely to watch the cadets
drill is a study in mecbanical perfec
tion. Inspection find, every rifle and every
part of the cadet accoutrement In prime
condition. The boys march with perfect
alignment and with absolute precision.
"Whether it be the color guard, or the
whole battalion on parade. In full dress
uniform, or In its picturesque campaign
uniform, with the typical American blue
flannel shirt and the sun-shading slouch
hat, there is the same natty appearance.
The illustrations presented on this page
of The Oregonian show the cadets at
inspection, on the firing line and in cam
paign uniform, and convey an admirable
idea of the splendid military appearance
of the lads, as they are put through
their maneuvers.
The cavalry drills at West Point arc
exciting incidents of cadet life. The
charge, with, flashing sabers and shout
ing throats, is perhaps the showiest and
most exciting detail. But the cadets are
drilled In all kinds of riding, such as leap
ing onto a galloping horsa from the
ground and jumping hurdles astride three
horses.
A battalion of cadet artillery, coming
on at full gallop. Is another exciting In
cident. WaH scaling, fencing and. In fact,
all things tending to make a cadet fa
miliar with all details of soldiering are
taught at the academy. "With the studies
in the classroom, these drills combine to
make the young soldiers perfect examples
of sound minds In sound bodies.
No Social Distinctions.
Tho officers of the United States Army
ore not gilded, satraps. For the institu
tion from which most of them have
graduated Is the most democratic in the
world. Nowhere else are social distinc
tions so completely leveled as at "West
Point. At the United States Military
Academy the son of the millionaire, the
eon of the grocer, the son of the farmer,
wear the same uniform, share tho same
mess and are subject to the same disci
pline. It Is West Point's boast that there
the eon of a President was distanced la
the race for military honors by the son
of a bricklayer.
Uncle Sam pays for his cadets train
ing, but he is a strict uncle. He exacts,
in return, that his bright-eyed, ruddy
cheeked, healthy-looking young .nephews
in gray hall do their full duty, or be
dropped from bis pay roll, and so it is
that this year's Board of Visitors will,
like previous boards, see as fine a set of
young fellows as can be found anywhere,
the wide world over.
Moreover, it is a set that does our
whole country credit. For these young
men represent the wlhole country. No
section Is represented there to the exclu
sion of any other. The cadets, being
mostly appointees of Congressmen, repre
sent every constituency in the United
States.
Look over the cadets' Toll! See how
representative It Is! You will find young
men from every state and bearing names
of English, Scotch, Irish. German, French,
Spanish, Italian and Scandinavian origin.
From this splendid commingling and lev
eling of all class distinctions and of all
ooctlonal and racial types, springs the
ideal cadet and the "West Pointer" of
the United States Army.
Successful Leaders.
True we have had great Captains who
were not "West Pointers." There are
military geniuses who do not And their
way to the United States Military Acad
emy -w ho do not. in fact. And their way
into a uniform, until the strenuousnees of
war stirs the latent ambition within
them. Nor is everyone who enters or
graduates from West Point a military
genius. But, In the long run, and in the
great, the very greai majority of in
stances, the trained officer Is the most
successful leader of troops In battle.
You may argue that General Lawton,
tho popular hero of the Spanish War,
was of the old volunteer stock of tfc
Civil War. But remember that motf or
the great leaders on either side who stood
the great test of tho Civil War one of
the most tremendous tests in history
were graduates of West Point. It is
easy to understand this, when it Is borne
In mind that, so high 19 the standard in
military deportment, physical training
and Studies at the United States Mill
feury Academy, only about 50 per cent of
the cadets entered graduate.
West Point is an ideal spot for the
training ground of our future Grantsv
Shermans, Sheridans. Lees and Lawtons.
It is superbly situated, and It Is rich In
historical traditions of a military charac
ter. On the west bank of the Hudson,
where that magnificent stream has forced
a passage through the Appalachian sys
tem and formed a gateway to the High
lands, It was of great strategic import
ance during the Revolution. For It com
manded the only line of water communi
cation by wMch the British could receive
aid from Canada.. While that struggle
was In progress, defensive works com
manding tlhls natural gateway were
erected.
Historical Spot.
The ruins of Fort Putnam on Mount
Independence are relics of the Revolution.
On what is now Constitution Island, Fort
Constitution was erected. Six miles be
low. Forts Montgomery and Clinton were
put up, and the postage of the river
was obstructed by a chain. AH these
works fell Into the enemy's hands In Oc
tober, 1777, but were abandoned after Bur
goyne's surrender, Early In the follow
ing year, other defensive works wer
erected by Kosciusko, to whom, appro
priately enough, there is a monument at
West Point. Among these defensive
works was a heavy chain and boom
extending from West Point across the
river to Constitution Island. Portions of
this chain are still preserved as relics at
the Military Academy. It may be said
that enough alleged links of it can still
be bought In New York City junk shops
to form a chain, reaching from New
York o AUbany.
After the Revolution these defensive
works fell into disuse, but in 1790 the
United States bought West Point- The
property which was subsequently pur
chased makes, with the original site,
about 2100 acres, with a plain of 160
ceres for buildings and the area for tac
tical instruction and parades. Flanked
by hills and mountain spurs, with old
Crow Nest rising grandly In the back
ground. West Point, from a height of 1
feet, looks down upon the river from
bold, rocky cliffs and commands superb
views of one of the most beautiful
6troams in the world.
Firnt Steps Taken.
The first provisons for maintaining the
point as a site for a military academy
date from 1794. Four battalions of engi
neers and artilleries were organized and
four cadets were attached to each bat
talion. Finally, in 1S02, the Engineer
Corps was constituted a military acad
emy and the senior officer of the corps
"became the Superintendent thereof.
Since 1SCG. the Superintendent has been
chosen from the Army at large. Colonel
A. L. Mills, the present incumbent of the
office, is a Captain of the Sixth United
States Cavalry. The rank of "Colonel"
is local.
"West Point cadets would rather "walk ,
extra" than oe guilty of a lie. "Honor
Is the speech of my story" might well
ue quoiea oy anyone wno snouia wrue .
of the cadets of the Military Academy.
jc toui iue rauxaeui. a caoei erners e&i sen ted a hand, which was also klssedt
Point, he Is on honor. Whatever breach j The Comtesse had Pauline Bonaparte's
of discipline or neglect of studies he j ideas about art. If we have no statue of
may be charged with, he must not be j her, such as Pauline stood for to Canova,
guilty of conduct unbecoming a cadet it is due to her having thought all mod
and a gentleman. I ern sculptures vulgarized by their models.
The drills at West Point are superb.
The line of gray and white Is geomet- 1
rlcally straight; the 300 cadets go through
their evolutions as one man; a cavalry
charge, with the flashing of sa"bres, and
wc nirij ujiwius ui i,ii-puifj iiuruco, is
thrilling and the .camp life In Summer Is j
the fiery impetus of galloping horses. U
hlghly picturesque. But what meet im
presses ihe student of West Point life
Is the high sense of honor and the esprit
du corps which animates the entire in
stitution. There is every reason for the claim
that the United States Military Acad
emy Is the finest military school In the
world. GUSTAV KOBBE.
BEST PISTOL TO CARRY.
Short Barrel and Bl;? Caliber Handi
est for Encounters.
"Tho best sort of a pistol for a man to
carry, if he has to carry a
weapon at all," said a former
resident of Texas, who has seen a good
deal of wild life along the frontier, to
a reporter of the New Orleans Times
Democrat. "Is a 'W or '45.' with not over
a two-Inch barrel. A geulne British 'bull
dog" not one of the Cheap American Imi
tations, but the real thing comes nearest
being the ideal weapon for the pocket if
one anticipates trouble."
"But those old cannon don't shoot ac
curately for any distance," objected . the
listener.
"I know they don't." replied the 'ex
Texan, "but long-distance marksmanship
seldom, cuts any figure In a personal en
counter. In nine cases out of ten the
men are too close together to miss, and
it's not a question of fine shooting, but
quick shooting.
Thrice armed la he -who hath his quarrel just.
But four times he who pets his gun out fust.
That's a frontier proverb. A bulldog can
be pulled twice as quick as a long-barreled
pistol, and then, again, suppose your
antagonist tries to wrench it out of your
hand; he has nothing to take hold of but
that inch or two of barrel, and you can
blow his hand off by simply pulling the
trigger. It Is almost Impossible to disarm
a man who uses a bulldog, but I have seen
navy revolvers torn out of men's grasp
more than once in hand-to-hand fights.
"My reason for saying the caliber ought
to be 44 or 45 is because the Impact of a
ball of that size Is so terrific that it par
alyzes the nerve centers and puts a fight
er instantly out of action, no matter where
it hits him. On the contrary, a strong
man may be drilled through and through
with a 22 and keep right on doing execu
tion. A big, short-barreled gun shoots
straight enough for close work, and If you
are far enough away to make marksman
ship necessary you are far enough away
to run and keep out of trouble."
NAPOLEON HI'S MON AML
Beautifnl Comtesse de Castisllone
id Her Dainty Feet.
The Comtesse de Castigiione was, I
think, the handsomest woman I ever set
eyes on, says a writer in London Truth.
She had all the grade of prettlness with
out being pretty, for her beauty was of
the highest style so high. Indeed, that she
stood unrivaled. Women were- j carried
away by her appearance as to drop all
jealousy. One alone was jealous, and she
was the most exalted of alL I neer un
derstood the power of Helen to turn away
wrath or blame until I saw the Comtesse
de Castigiione.
The Comtesse de Castigiione had all the
points that Phidias would nae required
for a perfect model. She was stately
through perfect harmony and ease of mo
tion. It was she who brought In the sleeve
less corsage. She would. If she could, have
brought In bare feet and ungloved hards
at soirees. Her feet were on thow at her
email receptions. Sometimes she wore saa-
dals and no stockings, sometimes she dla-
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pensed even with sandals. Satin was laid
on the floor. She often received, re- .
bare feet well visible. They were like an
Infant's feet.
Baudry painted her lying on her black i
velvet couch In the flimsiest of draperies, j
He said that. In all his experience, he j
never aw such feet or hands. They were
his despair, the texture of the flesh wa3
an rifl!rfiti Sh was Lt flrt rlof? wHh
this portrait. But she soon found it more
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person. Disgust followed these dlsca
eries, and she cut the pictures Into little
only, for they were admirably rendered,
"when she receded, reclining with bare
feet, gentlemen who knew her ways al-
wave, on entering, knelt and kissed numb
iy and reverently a foot. She then pre-
'Her idea of irtue was beauty. Where
there was beauty, one might assume ir-
WEST POINT CADETS, AT
tue as the antecedent. Beauty was the
apotheosis of the virtues. The Comtesse,
In attending a fancy ball of the Empress.
w iiaujjuuu, ucieu on tntcc maxims, ane i
was attended by Comte Horace de Chols- '
as Salammbo. acted on these maxims. She
eull, as a Carthaginian page.
The Comtesse de Castigiione went too
far for a grande dame and not far enough
to hold her own. She did not understand
that prodigality without great fortune Is
the sin of sins In Paris. She ran Into debt.
The Emperor was not able to Imitate
Louis Quartorze In glv'ng 03.000 francs u
month to Madame de Montcepan. Cred
itors were set on by Lagrange, head of
the Empress' police, to pester the Com
tesse. A court Intrigue was set on foot
to make her appeal to 'the generosity of
Dr. Evans, the dentist He was not the
man to hide hie generous actions, and
he thought he was obliging the Emperor
In helping her.
The fact being known that he had
helped was socially disastrous to her.
The Emperor's courage was not equal to
hers. He slipped away. She anticipated
the effect of this by retiring forever from
the world. Her hermitage was In the
very heart of Paris. It was an entresol
at the corner of the Rue de la Palx and s
the Pace Vendome. For 34 years . she
lived there, with the Venetian shutters of
her windows closed. She only went out
at night. There were few visitors. She
kept her beauty to the last, though tram1-
formed by the course of time, gray hair
and disappointment.
JAY PLAYS LOTTERY
EXPERIENCE OF AX .EAST- OREGO-
XIAX IN WICKED 'FRISCO
Drops $1000 With 'His Friend's
""Sob," on "Way to Havmiinn Islands
to Bay a Sheep Ranch..
In Wallowa County there Is an old
ranchman who, for the purposes of this '
story, shall be called Mr. Jay. He owns I
ne of the largest ranches In the county,
and. Is one of Eastern Oregon's oldest and
best citizens. He is strictly honest, gen
erous to a fault, and believes that every
body tells the truth, until convinced to
the contrary.
Not far from Island City, In Union Coun-
ty. Jives another old farmer, who is well-
"FL'LL - DitESS INSPECTION."
to-do, and who enjoys the confidence awl
respect of all who know him. This o'd
farmer has a son, who makes San Fran-
. . , . .
cisc0 h,s hcauquarters, anil who is a pro-
, fessional bunco-steerer, confidence oper-
aior ana au-arounu crooK. inis young
man's father and Mr. Jay are old ac-
qualntances, havlrg known each other for
many years
A few months ago. Mr. Jay conceived
me notion oi going 10 me Hawaiian isi-
ands and buying or leasing one of the
smallest ones for a sheep ranch. The fact
that he thought he could buy or'lcase one
of the islands, any one of which Is prob
ably worth more than the whole of Wal
lowa County, Is conclusive evidence of the
old ranchman's want of experience In
worldly matters.
Mr. Jay's Friend's Son.
On his way to the Hawallans. Mr. Jay
stopped In San Francisco, and w hlle there
he ran across the son of his up-country
fi'cnd. Of course, the young man showed
Mr. Jay the sigh's of California's metrop
olis, and made himself extremely agrec-
able to his father's friend.
During Mr. Jay'3 sojourn In the city his
frlohd's son had pressing need of $500 till
he could "hear from home " Would Mr.
Jay accommodate him with a loan for a
few days; or until the ranchman's return
from the Islands? The generous-hearted
old man could not oblige his friend's son
"IVEST rOUVT CADETS "OX THE FIRIhG
too quickly, and It was not many minutes
before the latter had the coveted $500 In
his possession.
The day arrived when the steamer on
which Mr. lav had secured passage was to
1 sail. His friend's son would accompany
hIm to the and bought nm some
fruit and other delicacies for the voyage.
On the way to the steamer the young
.man suddenly stopped.
"By the way," said he, "there is a lot
tery office right here, and I remember I
have a ticket In It. Suppose we go In
:
and see what It will draw; you have plenty
of time, as the steamer will not sail lor
several hours."
Mr. Jay was agreeable, and the pair as-
cended the stairs to the "lottery office.'
They stepped up to a desk, at which a
?-! J?" LT LtS?E
saia. ..j j a tlcketf a. I want to see
WJ WU.3J. J.. WISU VA ...A. WJ l A.......
what it will draw." At the same time he
took a small piece of pasteboard from his
pocket and threw it on the desk. Tho
nicely dressed individual took It up, lcoked
at the number, and sald: "All right; do
you want to draw now?" .
"I do," replied the ticket-holder, and.
turning to Mr. Jay, he said: "You are al-
ways lucky; suppose you draw for me."
Mr. Jay drew. The nicely dressed man
looked up in well-feign d surprise.
"Why, you have drawn $1030," said he.
, crIsp greenbacks, and handCd the sum to
the lucky holder of the ticket,
I Mr. Jay was delighted over his success
in making such a haul for his friend's son.
I Sa'd the latter: "You are so confounded
jg. that everything you touch turns to
Mr. Jav bemn to ,hlnk that ha was In-
deed a mascot.
Sure to "SIn.
"Why don't you get a ticket and draw on
your own account?" asked his friend's
son. "You are sure to win," he added.
Mr. Jay. like Brer Rabbit, didn't care If
he did make a thousand or so In a minute.
"Of course" said the nicely dressed man,
"you can't expect to get a ticket for noth
ing. A man with your luck will have to
pay K00 for a ticket; but, as you are sure
to win a cool thousand, you can't make
$500 any easier," and the bald bait was
swal.owed without a grimace.
Mr. Jay did not have that much money
about him.
"Oh, that's all right." said his friend's
son to the nicely-dressed man; "his check
Is as good as gold.'
Mr. Jay was delighted more than ever sheep and hay than he can out of lot
at the confidence reposed In him. So he terles. especially such ar they run In
pulled out his checkbook and drew a San Francisco. H. B. METCALF.
LIXE," IX SERVICE tMFOIOt.
check for $500 on. the-bank with which he
did business, at Enterprise, 'Or. He knew
ho had no money to h.s credit In the bank
at the moraentf but he also knew that the
bank would honor his demand, for Mr.
Jay was, and is, regarded as one of the
squorest men lis Eastern Oregon. The
check was signed and torn out o'f the
book; but, for some reason, Mr. Jay was
not pleased with the manner in which It
had been filled out, so he started to tear
it up.
"Give It to me, and I'll tear It up, while
you draw another!" said his friend's son.
! The check was handed over, and by a
j sleight-of-hand that was not acquired on
toe farm his friend's son substituted an-
omer Riece oi paper ior it; tore up tne
substitute, and slipped the check into his
pocket. By this time. Mr.-Jay bad drawn
another check for $"X0, which he handed
to the nicely-dressed man.
3Ir. Jay's III Fortune.
A ticket was produced, and Mr. Jay
drew nothing! He was stupefied at the
change In his luck. Just then, hid friend's
eon stepped Into an adjoining room for a
drink ot water, and "he never came
back."
After waiting a sufficient length of time,
Mr. Jay asked the nlcely-dreesed man
where the young man had gone.
"I don't know," was the reply. "He
came in here with you, and I supposed
he was your friend."
Mr. Jay collected his scattered faculties
as best he could, and went to the steam
er alone. In the meantime, the two
crooks who had victimized him hurried
to a bank and drew, through a bank in
this city, on the Enterprise bank, for the
amount of the two checks, $1090, and
which was promptly paid. It seems a lit
tle strange than an Institution eo dis
creet as banks usually are would pay two
checks for the same amount, drawn on
the same day, by the same man and pay
able to the same payee, especially when
the drawer had no money In the bank.
At any rate, the money was paid, and
Mr. Jay was out just $1500 the $300 he had
lent and the $1000 on the two checks.
When he got to Honolulu he found that
he could not buy a cemetery lot, to say
nothing of one of the Islands for a sheep
ranch. On his return, he stopped at San
Francisco and succeeded In finding his
friend's son, and, of course, wanted him
to settle up pay the borrowed $500 and
make good the $500 check that he gave
the lottery man, he supposing that the
first one had been destroy ed.
Mr. Jay's Disappointment.
His friend's son promised faithfully
that he would make everything right, and
said he would meet Mr. Jay at the Com
mercial Hotel. In Portland, If he would
stay over in the latter city till a certain
day, and would then "square" the whole
matter. Mr. Jay, according to appoint
ment, was on hand at the hotel, but his
friend's son did not put In an appearance.
Mr. Jay went home to his ranch, and,
eoon after, he was notified by the Enter
prise bank that It held two of his checks
for $500 each, which must be paid. This
was the fin?t intimation Mr. Jay had that
the first check had not been destroyed.
He called on the Enterprise bank, and
the bank in this city, through which the
business had been transacted, to see
whether there was not some way by
which he could brfrg the swindlers to
account and compel them to pay back the
$1000. The banks could give him no sat
isfaction, and -he had to make arrange
ments to redeem the checks. He then
called on the father of the bunco-steerer,
to get him" to pay the amount, but the
old man could or would do nothing.
Seeing that nothing could be done In the
way of recouping himself for the locses
he had sustained. Mr. Jay determined to
prceecute his friend's son for swindling.
With this In view, he paid another visit
to San Francisco. He had been adv'sed
to put the matter in the hands of the po
lice, but he thought he knew It all, and
when he landed in San Franc'sco. he pro
ceeded personally to hunt up his friend's
son.
llr. Jay's Lock.
His good luck still cmng to him, and he
met the object of his search on the street.
Laying his hard on his shoulder, he told:
"I "want you to go with me!"
"Why, Mr. Jay," said the surprised
young man, "how glad I am to see you!
Of course, I'll go with you." The two
walked down the street -until they were
opposite a saloon.
"Let'o go In and get a glass of beer;
I'm thirsty," said the son of Mr. Jay's
friend.
"No, I thank you; I never drink," said
Mr. Jay.
"Oh, well; all right. You just stand
here at the door while I go In and get a
glass of beer; I'm almost choking for a
drink."
"Very well," said Mr. Jay, who stood
guard at the door. The son of hia friend
stepped Inside. It is unnecessary to say
he never came out again; at least not
out of the door by which he went. He
made h's exit through a side door, and
Mr. Jay was left to ponder over the wick
edness of a perverse generation. He then
J told the police, but the bird had flown.
, Mr. Jay returned to his ranch, after
spending another $100 poorer by ocr
$1000 through his kind-heartedness and
credulity. He has come to the conclusion
that he can make more money out ot
HUSTLifSG FOR BUSINESS
DIFFICULTIES BESETTING PATH OF
YE TICKET AGENT.
Experience of Portland. Seattle and
Taconm Railway Men In "Boost
ing tke Traffic.
Here are three stories of a kind. They
mingle tho gruesome With the. hnmomi.a
In a most unusual way, and Illustrate
some of the difficulties with which railroad
men hae to contend In their efforts
to secure business for their companies.
These stories are drawn from, actual ex
periences, occurring In Portland. Seattle
and Tacoma, respectively.
Portlnnd.
Some time ago, -the representative of a
local line received a "tip" that, on a cer
tain day, one of the river steamers would
bring In- three passengers from an Interior
town. He was Informed that they wero
destined for Eastern points, and he hoped
to ticket them over his line. When tho
boat arrived, the railroad man was not on
hand, but he reached tho landing a Httlo
latT. He found that only one of the ex
pected two had arrived; but he consoled
himself with the reflection that one was
better than none, and asked the purser of
the boat where the lone passenger ho
sought was to be found. The purser re
plied: "At s. the undertaker's."
"What Is she doing there?" he Inquired.
"Why," explained the purser, "she died
on the boat coming up, and the undertaker
is preparing the body for shipment East
by express."
Seattle.
A Seattle railroad representative recel ed
a letter from a man, residing some 40
miles distant from that city. The writer
wanted to know what lx would cost to se
cure a ticket for himself, and what would
be the charges on the body of his deceased
wife, which he desired to accompany to
Springfield, O., for interment. The rail
road man thought the best thing to do was
to answer the letter In person.
Accordingly, a few hours later he alight
ed at the little country town. He In
quired of the postmaster where he could
find his man, and explained his mission.
The postmaster took a few rodent-llko
gnaws at a plug of tobacco, with the two
teeth nature had left him.
"H'm." he muttered "Why, that feller's
all mortgaged up. and he can't git away.
Besides, his wife's been dead more'n six
months."
"Well." replied the railroader hopefully,
"he might dig 'er up, you know."
"No; he can't do that, either. You
see, he hain't paid the undertaker yit, and
the undertaker sajs he m-ght show a
sudden 'attachment' for the body and levy
on it at the train and hold it till the fu
neral bill Is paid."
That settled it. and the railroader re
turned to Seattle, without even seeing hla
man.
Tacoma.
Three ticket men at Tacoma heard that
the wife of a resident of that city waa
not expected to live. They knew that
In case of her death, the remains would
be taken East for burial. As the husband
and one .other member of the family
would travel on the same train, this meant
a nice little commission for the one secur
ing the business. Two of the three worked
together, from mutuality of interest. The
third man "stood In" with the doctor, who
kept him posted on the sick woman's
condition.
One day, while walking past the house,
he saw the physician coming down thu
steps. The expression of his face tola
that the elck woman was no more, and
the doctor quietly announced that her suf
ferings had ended half an hour previous.
It so happened that the bereaved hus
band was slightly acquainted with one of
the company's officials, a fact the ticket
men well knew. He thought quickly, and,
adjourning to a near-by saloon, he wroto
out a "fake" telegram, purporting to
come from the official aforesaid. Th's
conveyed to the husband sympathy with
his bereavement, neatly bringing In at
the close a suggestion that the sender'3
line should convey the remains and tho
bereaved to the point of burial.
It "Worked.
The agent presented the missive, a few
minutes later, to the bereaved husband.
The scheme worked. The husband told
him to get the tickets, etc, and bring
them to him. and that he would give h's
check In payment therefor.
On his way back to his office, the ticket
man met his two competitors. They de
clared that they were merely out for a
little walk, but he knew better. He of
fered to walk with them, but they de
clared that they had some private mat
ters to talk over, and that he would be
de trop. He felt certain that they were
going to see about the dead woman, and
so he came out bluntly with:
"You fellows are too late". The woman
Is dead, and I hae just been down tr
deliver the tickets. It'o a wonder you
wouldn't get onto yourselves."
CHARLES E. SAWYER.
SWEET YOUNG THING.
Delicate Situation Didn't Phase Her
r Little Bit.
It was on a "party line," but the Sweet
Young Thing didn't seem to realize it.
For twenty minutes Brown had tried to
attract "central's" attention, but with
out avail. He concluded he would make
one more attempt, failing In which, he
made up his mind, to yank the telephone
off the wall by the roots, toss It In the
corner and pour out a volume of swear
wcrds.
Brown placed the receiver next to his
good ear and this Is what he heard:
Sweet Young Thing "Who is It,
please?"
Man's Voice "I'll let you know later.
Do you know Jones?"
Sweet Young Thing "Oh, yes."
Man's Voice "He told me of you. Ha
said you was the dearest girl In the world.
I want to make a date with you."
Sweet Young Thing "Oh, my! Where
can we meet?"
Man's Voice "You get off the Sunny
side and Mount Tabor car at Third and
Morrison, at 7 tonight, sharp, and I'll
be there."
Sweet Young Thing "Well. I know, but
how am I to recognize you?"
Man's Voice "That's easy.I'H wear a
white carnation In my left lappel, and
stand near the Northern Pacific ticket
office."
Brown hung up. That was enough for
him. He told the Joke to three other
young fellows. That night, five men lined
up at the appointed time and place, each
with a white carnation in his left lap
pel. When the car stopped at the curve.
Miss Sweet Young Thing stooped off.
Five hats were immediately raised. In
one glance she took in the flower show.
Toe a brief instant, a puzzled! look went
over her face. Then she stepped for
ward to the plainest looking man in the
quintette.
She had found "It." The other four
scattered.
Couldn't Understand It.
"There's one thing I can't undrand
about farming," said the Summer boarder,
as he watched the hired .hand turning the
eoll.
"What be that, young feller?" queried
Farmer Oatcake.
"I can't understand," said he, "why
the ground is placed bottom-ide up so
that It has to be turned over with a plow
before the crops can be planted." Cnlcugo
Xewa. '
I ft