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May 26, 1999
Focus
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Page 7
R IC O V ER Y
A re You A L o v e /
S ex Addict?
1. Do you feel desperate to find a
new lover or mate when a relation
ship ends?
Do you feel anxious or uneasy
when you are away from your lover
or sexual partner?
2.
Do you believe that your life is
unbearable unless you’re in a rela
tionship?
3.
Do you make promises to your
self about your sexual or romantic
behavior that you cannot follow?
4.
Do you keep secrets about your
sexual or romantic activities?
5.
Have you been in a relationship
that you knew was bad for you, but
felt powerless to leave?
6.
Do you get a “high” from sexual
or romantic activity, followed by a
“hangover” (feelings of shame, re
morse or fear of abandonment)?
7.
Do you keep a list of your sexual
partners, or, on the other hand,
have you lost track of how many
partners you’ve had?
8.
9. Do you vacillate between
feelings
of extreme shame and pride about
the num ber of sexual partners
you’ve had?
Does your sexual behavior in
clude activities that are illegal (voy
eurism, exhibitionism, prostitu
tion, sex with minors, indecent
phone calls, etc.)?
10.
Do you feel that your life would
be meaningless without a partner?
11.
12. Do you have a pattern of recre
ating the same type of dysfunc
tional or abusive relationship?
13. Have you suffered negative con
sequences at work because of your
obsession with a relationship?
By Mary B
Contributing Writer from SAA in Portland
“I have no reason to live any
more.” So said the 15-year old sopho
more accused of opening fire on his
classm ates in the recent Georgia
school shooting incident. Friends
said his grades had slipped recently
and he was heartbroken after his girl
friend ended their relationship.
Ju st as the consequences of Presi
d en t C lin to n ’s rela tio n sh ip with
M onica Lewinsky have increased
public awareness of sex addiction,
so this story can provide us with
some insight into another common
compulsion in our addictive society:
love addiction (also referred >to as
rom ance or relationship addiction).
T h e M erriam -W ebster d ictio
nary defines addiction as a “com
pulsive need for and use of a habit
forming substance (as heroin, nico
tine, or alcohol) characterized by
tolerance and by well-defined physi
o lo g ic a l sy m p to m s u p o n w ith
draw al”; or “persistent compulsive
use of a substance known by the
user to be harm fu l". In th e last
twenty-five years, the concept of ad-
diction has broadened to
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include what are called “process ad lion, “T hree characteristics sum up Anonym ous, there are many sup
the major behavioral symptoms of a p o rt groups for people suffering
dictions”: sex and love, as already
from Sex and/or Love Addiction.
mentioned, plus gambling, work, re Love Addict.
These groups can be found in the
1.
Love
Addicts
assign
a
dispro
la tio n sh ip s, m oney (com pulsive
white pages of the phone book, or
portionate
am
ount
of
time,
atten
spending), and food (overeating, an
on the Internet.
tion,
and
‘value
above
themselves’
orexia, bulimia).
Love addicts can become so ob to the person to whom they are ad Phone numbers for the local
sessed with their relationship that dicted and this focus often has an
Twelve Step groups are as
they risk their career, their health, obsessive quality about it.
2. Love A ddicts have unrealistic follows:
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CoSA
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3.
Love
Addicts
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to
care
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for or value themselves while they’re S-Anon (family of SA members)
television p ro g ram s, and movies
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glorifying the intensity of “love at in the relationship.”
SA
(Sexaholics Anonymous)
Ju
st
as
alcoholics
support
each
first sight’. Sadly, the relationship
503/224-9840
other
in
becom
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sober
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ain
th at starts intensely often ends that
way too. Many suicides and crim i taining their sobriety by following SAA (Sex Addicts Anonymous)
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th e Twelve S tep s of A lcoholics
nal acts (stalking, homicides), are
perform ed by rejected lovers.
T hose p ersons with a su b
stan ce abuse problem will
likely increase the use of their
drug of choice when an ad
d ic tiv e re la tio n sh ip en d s,
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15. Have you neglected your chil
dren due to your obsession with a
romantic or sexual partner?
Are you plagued with a con
stant feeling of loneliness?
16.
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17. Do you spend hours download
ing erotic pictures or engaging in
sexual chat on the Internet?
Do you feel powerless to stop
being unfaithful to your spouse or
significant other?
18.
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Has your obsession with sex
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14.
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