J u ly 10, 1 9 9 1 - T h e P ortland O b serv er—P age 5
Portland
Photographer
Wins Sears
Outdoor Photo
Contest
Letting Go: Resolving Past Issues
BY ULLYSSES TUCKER, JR.
Relationships are difficult to estab
lish and m aintain these days when you
consider certain social and economic
conditions that exist, but when you add
in a few past pains from old relation
ships or encounters, it only gets more
com plicated. How many people do you
know who have lost their ability to trust,
bond, take risks, love, or believe in
another (m aybe you?) human being
because o f a bad (or several) experi
ences? Are you that type o f person?
N eedless to say, we are all that person at
som e stage o f developm ent in our lives
and if positive personal growth is to
occur, it is imperative that we all learn
to let go.
Now, w hat type o f circumstance
would cause someone to resist, deny, or
reject the love o f another human being
with good intentions? Sadly, you can
look as close as your immediate family
or your last relationship to potentially
answ er that question. Rightfully so,
people do not enjoy being used or hurt
for that m atter and when it does happen
to them, usually they vow to never al
low the situation to develop again. A
defensive posture is established and the
battle is started. The battle to avoid
being hurt again. In the process of this
internal struggle, a person can truly
miss out on wonderful experiences or a
great human being because o f such in
tense paranoia. Some of the methods
people use to cope with unsettling or
unresolved past experiences are totally
dysfunctional. These issues arc woven
so deep into the fabric o f people’s per
sonalities that it lim its their view o f the
world around them and about others.
Everything they think, feel, and do is/
may be colored in some way by old pain
or unfinished business from the past.
W hether you suffered losses as a child
or were neglected by your parents, re
jected by your lover, abused verbally by
your peers/friends, or hurt j n any other
way, did you not find the strength or
make attem pts to get on with your life in
spite of the pain and dark m oments?
You did what you had to do, but in the
process o f getting on with your life, did
you let go or create anger within?
Let us explore some o f the person
ality types that need to take a long hard
look at them selves and the relationships
in which they might be involved. The
“ intimidator” is the emotionally guarded
and suspicious type. Constantly on the
lookout for signs that other people are
going to use or abandon them, they usu
ally attem pt to get the first blow, one
which shocks the recipient because he/
she never sees it com ing. A total shock.
Convinced that they can counton no one
but self, the “ intim idator” needs to see
him self as strong and independent.
Next, we sec the type o f person who
walks through life feeling that they are
the “ v ictim ,” and this can be a self
esteem issue more than anything. If you
operate from this stance, you cannot
imagine why someone would be inter
ested in som eone as hopeless and help
less as you perceive yourself to be. Only
someone who is not good enough to at
tract anyone better would choose you,
you think, and the relationship never
gets off the ground. Poised for rejection,
you are easily hurt and offended. The
more you whine and moan, the more
lonely you will be. Chill out.
There are other types like the
“ footloose escape artist,” who has a
deep fear o f com m itm ent and feeling
suffocated. G enuine intimacy is som e
thing he or she fears because it exposes
the real person and y o u ’ll dance away
before that happens.
You also have those from dysfunc
tional families and the “ desperately
seeking” type who gets involved in re
lationships for the sake o f a relationship
for all the wrong reasons. You do all the
giving and make great attem pts to fulfill
your m ates every need. Balance is im
portant for this type.
W hatever the reasons for your ina
bility to let go o f past pains or reasons
that prevent you from functioning prop
erly in a relationship, you need to just do
it. It will definitely enhance your self
esteem, and relationships with family
and friends. Maybe then you’ll be able
to see clearly the love that’s been there
all the time.
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• EMPLOYEE AWARDS
Deborah A. Davis, an amateur pho
tographer from Portland, Oregon, was
chosen as one o f 20 winners in the
OshKosh “ Discover the G reat O ut
doors” national photo contest spon
sored by Sears, Roebuck and Co. The
theme, “ Discover the Great Outdoors,”
inspired photographers from all 50 states
to focus on their favorite visions of the
great outdoors. D avis’ winning photo
is o f the side o f Dog M ountain, in the
Colum bia River G orge, covered in
purple, yellow and red wildflowers.
“ Here, Mother Nature has blessed us
with one of her most brilliant displays
o f color and form ,” com m ented Davis.
Davis, 26, has practiced photogra
phy for 8 years. “ As an outdoor enthu
siast, photography is a way to bring
nature home and an excuse to explore
new places,” she said. “ My current
dream is to go trekking to N epal.”
W ith her camera, o f course.
“ People interpreted ‘the great
outdoors’ in very different w ays” said
Stephen Ross, national manager for
productdevelopm ent, m en’s apparel at
Sears. “ For instance, among the sub
jects o f the twenty winning photos were
a snow-covered desert in Arizona, a
century-old grist mill, T exas’ El C api
tan in the moonlight and a m idw estem
sunflower. A few entries were even of
people wearing OshKosh clothing while
enjoying ‘the great outdoors’ ”
Each o f the 20 finalists received
more than $400 in prizes including
OshKosh m en’s sportswear and Sir
Edmund Hillary camping equipment
from Sears, membership in The Nature
Conservancy, a wildlife and w ilder
ness preservation organization, and a
one-year subscription to USA Today.
The winning photos may be used in
Sears store displays and advertising.
The grand prize winner, Dr. De-
lores Fernandez, o f Champaign, 111.,
also won a week-long trip for two to
The Nature Conservancy owned and-
operated Pine Butte G uest Ranch in
Choteau, Mont.
OshKosh m en’s sportswear, sold
exclusively at Sears, sponsored the
contest to celebrate the natural beauty
o f A m erica’s wilderness and wildlife.
More than 3,000 contest entries were
received before the Dec. 31,1990 dead
line. Contest judges included art direc
tors, photographers and photo editors.
A D V E R T I SI
POM DQHRVER
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on looks and self esteem?
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