, < »%V4 • « » * » k » * « « « » » «*•»-« 44«« • * • * • »«w ****** • ♦ <r* * Page 6—The Portland Observer—October 31, 1990 OPINION rn ,w 32 Older Men And Younger Women Older Women And Younger Men... BY C M . BROOKS She is 26 years of age. He is 39. While she ws making her debut to her parents and to the world, he had reached a milestone in his life by entering high school as a freshman. When she was in the fourth grade mastering the art of cursive handwriting and grasping rudi mentary mathematical concepts, he was intelicctualizing social controversies like the Vietnam War and the Peace Talks. The age old question about the age difference factor plays an important role in the dynamics of relationships. Does being ten, fifteen ,or twenty years your partners’ junior or senior really make a difference in the relationship? And why do younger people seek out older people and vice versa? What about the generation gap and how does it affect the two people involved? Almost every female friend that I have has always dated someone who was older, sometimes with someone who was significantly older. What is the attraction? For women or at least my friends, dating an older man has more advantages than dating someone who is of the same age as themselves. There is the perception that the older man possesses a certain level of maturity that cannot be found in some one who is 25 years of age. With so much life experience behind him the older man has an understanding of life that can be shared and even used as a guide like that of a teacher-student rela tionship. Wisdom can be a “ turn-on” for a lot of people: it is an element found in someone who has lived life and gone through achievements and seen defeats. It is not so easily available in someone who is younger through no fault of theirs, but it is an asset that a lot of people would like to have in a mate. Dating an older person also brings to mind someone who knows what they want out of life and they know how to go about getting the most out of it. He/she is stable, secure emotionally and financially, and is ready for love and understands commitment. As a friend put it, “ older men are more attractive because they are able to provide you with the better things that life has to offer. They are able to enjoy evenings out, purchase gifts, vacation once a year, and they have established the kind of morals and values that you are looking for. Younger men are busy trying to better themselves by going to school or they don’t know how or don’t want to cultivate loving relationships because it is not a priority. ’ ’ I personally think that this is a rather shallow statement, but it is relevant. 1 wonder how many people have turned down a date because he didn’t have a car or it was a beater? I wonder how many readers out there have overlooked someone because they didn’t have enough money to spend on a nice evening out? Not only is the old man per ceived to be wiser and more stable, but he is also seen as more challenging. His knowledge and education offers you a level of depth that a younger person may not have. They are able to discuss the social and political atmospheres of dif ferent countries. They are able to appre ciate artand music. With a younger man you may be limited to the mundane. You would converse about the present because that may be what is important at the time in their life. So if older men provide all the things that some women feel is neces sary in a relationship, then why should the generation gap be important to the relationship? My cousin had this piece of wisdom to share about the dreaded generation gap. She thinks that the “ generation gap is a farce. With the media being so dominate in our culture, every generation has been exposed to every age group even though they may not be living that particular arrange ment. If you don’t live a particular life style, than you have at least heard about it or have seen it. Besides, thinking is not a generation thing. This type of relationship is not a matter of different generations, but a matter of what you have been taught. A 50-year old person and a 25-year old person may be differ ent in age, but what they have in com mon is that they were both raised to believe in God, that they must work, and so forth. Anyone who does not accept this kind of relationship simply is un willing to listen and unwilling to under stand. There is no generation gap, only a slight margin.” Have you heard? Are you listening? Stop the Killing! Now, am I a better person or more mature because of these experiences? t used to be very difficult for me to Am I wiser? More mature? More percep imagine dating someone bom in the tive? Enlightened? More stable emo tionally and intellectually because I have year 1965 when you consider that I was born ten years (1955) earlier. This is by a ten year jump on a woman 1 might no means to suggest that it could not date? In some cases, yes, but younger work, but there are some serious issues does not always mean less smarter and if that need to be addressed before (we)/l people learn to accept others for their face value, chances are they will learn consider such a relationship. Issues surrounding maturity, values, something new. Respect is very impor expectations of each other, and the indi tant. If a man grows up in a ghetto envi vidual needs of the parties involved at ronment and dates a middle class woman the time they encounter. A decade can with an open mind, he should learn or be make a big difference in a relationship exposed to a new set of values and a life when it comes to personal development style contrary to his upbringing. He could also reject what she has to offer. We all and growth. som ething to offer in Let’s have some fun before devel have oping this premise any further. Take me relationships,regardless of the age factor for example, by the time I was ten years or perceived level of maturity. Age is old (1965), I had already attended four just a number that indicates how long a elementary schools, lived at eight ad person has been on earth, not their intel dresses around the nations capital, estab lectual capacity. It (age) is also a poor lished a juvenilecriminal record,experi way for a person to assert their superior enced my first sexual encounter, and ity or attempt to gain a psychological knew first hand the pain of growing up in advantage over another person. It is wrong. a broken household. I was angry, mad at Again, there are some advantages to the world, my parents, and I had no being old, but that does not make a regard for authority or established law person better than another and I am speak and order. Simply put, I was out of con ing strictly in terms of adult relation trol and headed for self-destruction. ships. I know some old fools. Why would an older woman want a Imagine, experiencing all of this pain and hurt before a person ten years younger younger man and why would aolder man than me barely enters the world. While want a younger woman? First, let us take they laid, hopefully in peace, in the homes a look at the older woman. She might of their parents, I ran like a wild boar have more energy, sex drive, spirit, and through the streets. While they laid in the imagination than a man her age. It has cradle, I had already listened to Dr. Martin been suggested by many scholars that a Luther King speak, shook the hands of woman reaches her sexual peak between Senator Hubert H. Humphreys and Robert the age of 38-42. On the other hand, a Kennedy, and watched vividly his brother man reaches his sexual peak between the John F. being shot to death on the televi ages of 18-22. From that point, it has sion news accounts. I can recall coming been documented that a males testoster home only to find everyone in the house one (sex homiones) decreases with age. crying, predicting doom for black people, It is no wonder that the older woman and and wondered how VP Lyndon B. Johnson a younger male match up well. How would do. They were crying for Ken ever, can that younger man be sensitive nedy. I can also remember passing out or have a “ slow hand” as the Pointer "LBJ for the USA" bumper stickers and Sisters suggested? Is it all about “ sex” encouraging my family not to vote for or being pounced on for hours by the Barry Goldwater because he would make younger man? Hopefully, it’s about love us go to school on Saturday’s. Yes, I can and respect. Some younger men are out recall a great many events and memories for the cash, credit cards,and other mate up to the year 1965 or to age ten. rial things older women can provide. BY ULLYSSES TUCKER, JR. I AFTER Kevon Edmonds Melvin Edmonds Keith Mitchell Sunday, November 18th, 1990 Minister Louis Farrakhan Live! Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall 111 Southwest Broadway Downtown Portland, Oregon Donation Doors Open at $10.00 5:30 PM Redeem Tickets at: Ticket Exchange the Night of the Event Call: 289-6103 or 288-3896 THE Support our Advertisers SAY YOU SAW IT IN P O R T L A N D O B SER VER / What about older men and younger women? Some younger women enjoy the company of an older man because he might be more sensitive, secure eco nomically, and generally more stable than his younger counterpart careerwise. As one twenty-five year old female stated, “ most of the guys my age are into the fast life or in jail. Many of them have no direction...” Some younger women have no recourse but to date older men. Sadly, many older men (or sugar daddies) date younger women for egotistical reasons and for added prestige among their peers. It may cost him dearly, but looking good in public may be more important than his wallet or bank account. Whqt bothers this columnist the most is the older men leaving their wives of decades for some “ pretty young thang” . It goes both ways. Women leave their longtime mates for the same reasons. If a persons needs are not being met, most often they will seek other options or consider a new mate. It’s human nature. Not all of these ■ encounters are based on individual self ishness or greed, some are true love and blessed from the start. ,, f Personally, I do not know the rea sons why, but I meet more women a decade younger than my own age. Most women my age are usually married or divorced and do not want to again, or have children and do not want anymore. This is a problem because I would like to get (oneday) married and father chil dren. By the same token, most 25 years olds are just starting out in their careers, are attending undergraduate/graduate school, and do not want to be married or have children until later in life. How ever, there are exceptions to the rule and timing is very important when dealing with a younger person. Patience is iraf portant too. It is important because the younger individual might not be capable: of meeting the older persons needs and frankly, they might not want too. Age may be a factor in the begin-« ning of a relationship, but life has a way of closing the gap as time goes by. Thai same twenty-five year old will be 5d years later when I’m 60. It gets bettei» with time. : .' • 'I Seemingly overnight, After 7 have rocketed to the top of the charts, and es tablished themselves as a dynamic force in the music world. The group’s self- titled debut has already gone gold and is racing toward platinum status, spawning hit singles in the process. “ Ready or Not” landed in the top ten of Billboard’s pop singles chart, and went to #1 on the black music charts; “ Can’t Stop,” “ Heat Of The Moment,” and “ Don’t Cha’ Think” have made major inroads at radio and retail. In addition to chart success, After 7’s live performances have earned much praise. Billboard said: "The group’s smart choreography, easy stage presence, and smooth vocal blend recalled the best of old soul while updating it to a modem sound.” The trio includes the sibling and ; cousin of one of the industry’s most ; prolific teams-L.A. and Babyface. Melvin and Kevon Edmonds are Babyface’s brothers, while Keith Mitchell is L.A.’s cousin. Their debut album is truly a fam- ; ily affair, having been produced by L. A. and Babyface. ..* After 7 ’s appeal is due more to tal ent than predestination, but the destinies of the two families provide a fascinating background story. L.A., Babyface and the members of After 7’s arc natives of Indianapolis, and their collective suc cess is a tribute to their strong work ethic and Midwestern values. Keith’s musical roots are firmly entrenched in the church. Although he « had no formal training, he was directing the youth choir at the age of seven and continued to sharpen his vocal talents up to and including the time he first hooked up with the others. Melvin and Kevon- have a similar background: “ We were always surrounded by music,” noted Kevon. “ Our mother sang in the church.« and both parents kept music alive in our - home. We grew up listening to the great jazz artists of their era. Singing was like • breathing...it was something we had to- do.” After 7 ’s sound is instantly recog nizable: a mixture of whip-crack dance grooves and romantic ballads effortlessly blend with a classic sweet-soul vocal style reminiscent of legendary groups such as the Temptations, The Four Tops and the Whispers. “ We think our sound is very special,” said Melvin. After 7’s long-term goals include plans tocstablish their own management and production company, with the inten tion of providing an outlet for up-and- coming talent -and to give something back to the community. r