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Page 6—The Portland Observer—October 31, 1990
OPINION
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32
Older Men And Younger Women
Older Women And Younger Men...
BY C M . BROOKS
She is 26 years of age. He is 39.
While she ws making her debut to her
parents and to the world, he had reached
a milestone in his life by entering high
school as a freshman. When she was in
the fourth grade mastering the art of
cursive handwriting and grasping rudi­
mentary mathematical concepts, he was
intelicctualizing social controversies like
the Vietnam War and the Peace Talks.
The age old question about the
age difference factor plays an important
role in the dynamics of relationships.
Does being ten, fifteen ,or twenty years
your partners’ junior or senior really
make a difference in the relationship?
And why do younger people seek out
older people and vice versa? What
about the generation gap and how does it
affect the two people involved?
Almost every female friend that
I have has always dated someone who
was older, sometimes with someone who
was significantly older. What is the
attraction? For women or at least my
friends, dating an older man has more
advantages than dating someone who is
of the same age as themselves.
There is the perception that the
older man possesses a certain level of
maturity that cannot be found in some­
one who is 25 years of age. With so
much life experience behind him the
older man has an understanding of life
that can be shared and even used as a
guide like that of a teacher-student rela­
tionship. Wisdom can be a “ turn-on”
for a lot of people: it is an element found
in someone who has lived life and gone
through achievements and seen defeats.
It is not so easily available in someone
who is younger through no fault of theirs,
but it is an asset that a lot of people
would like to have in a mate.
Dating an older person also
brings to mind someone who knows
what they want out of life and they know
how to go about getting the most out of
it. He/she is stable, secure emotionally
and financially, and is ready for love and
understands commitment. As a friend
put it, “ older men are more attractive
because they are able to provide you
with the better things that life has to
offer. They are able to enjoy evenings
out, purchase gifts, vacation once a year,
and they have established the kind of
morals and values that you are looking
for. Younger men are busy trying to
better themselves by going to school or
they don’t know how or don’t want to
cultivate loving relationships because it
is not a priority. ’ ’ I personally think that
this is a rather shallow statement, but it
is relevant. 1 wonder how many people
have turned down a date because he
didn’t have a car or it was a beater? I
wonder how many readers out there
have overlooked someone because they
didn’t have enough money to spend on a
nice evening out?
Not only is the old man per­
ceived to be wiser and more stable, but
he is also seen as more challenging. His
knowledge and education offers you a
level of depth that a younger person may
not have. They are able to discuss the
social and political atmospheres of dif­
ferent countries. They are able to appre­
ciate artand music. With a younger man
you may be limited to the mundane.
You would converse about the present
because that may be what is important at
the time in their life.
So if older men provide all the
things that some women feel is neces­
sary in a relationship, then why should
the generation gap be important to the
relationship? My cousin had this piece
of wisdom to share about the dreaded
generation gap. She thinks that the
“ generation gap is a farce. With the
media being so dominate in our culture,
every generation has been exposed to
every age group even though they may
not be living that particular arrange­
ment. If you don’t live a particular life­
style, than you have at least heard about
it or have seen it. Besides, thinking is
not a generation thing. This type of
relationship is not a matter of different
generations, but a matter of what you
have been taught. A 50-year old person
and a 25-year old person may be differ­
ent in age, but what they have in com ­
mon is that they were both raised to
believe in God, that they must work, and
so forth. Anyone who does not accept
this kind of relationship simply is un­
willing to listen and unwilling to under­
stand. There is no generation gap, only
a slight margin.”
Have you heard?
Are you listening?
Stop the Killing!
Now, am I a better person or more
mature because of these experiences?
t used to be very difficult for me to Am I wiser? More mature? More percep­
imagine dating someone bom in the tive? Enlightened? More stable emo­
tionally and intellectually because I have
year 1965 when you consider that I was
born ten years (1955) earlier. This is by a ten year jump on a woman 1 might
no means to suggest that it could not date? In some cases, yes, but younger
work, but there are some serious issues does not always mean less smarter and if
that need to be addressed before (we)/l people learn to accept others for their
face value, chances are they will learn
consider such a relationship.
Issues surrounding maturity, values, something new. Respect is very impor­
expectations of each other, and the indi­ tant. If a man grows up in a ghetto envi­
vidual needs of the parties involved at ronment and dates a middle class woman
the time they encounter. A decade can with an open mind, he should learn or be
make a big difference in a relationship exposed to a new set of values and a life­
when it comes to personal development style contrary to his upbringing. He could
also reject what she has to offer. We all
and growth.
som ething
to
offer
in
Let’s have some fun before devel­ have
oping this premise any further. Take me relationships,regardless of the age factor
for example, by the time I was ten years or perceived level of maturity. Age is
old (1965), I had already attended four just a number that indicates how long a
elementary schools, lived at eight ad­ person has been on earth, not their intel­
dresses around the nations capital, estab­ lectual capacity. It (age) is also a poor
lished a juvenilecriminal record,experi­ way for a person to assert their superior­
enced my first sexual encounter, and ity or attempt to gain a psychological
knew first hand the pain of growing up in advantage over another person. It is wrong.
a broken household. I was angry, mad at Again, there are some advantages to
the world, my parents, and I had no being old, but that does not make a
regard for authority or established law person better than another and I am speak­
and order. Simply put, I was out of con­ ing strictly in terms of adult relation­
trol and headed for self-destruction. ships. I know some old fools.
Why would an older woman want a
Imagine, experiencing all of this pain
and hurt before a person ten years younger younger man and why would aolder man
than me barely enters the world. While want a younger woman? First, let us take
they laid, hopefully in peace, in the homes a look at the older woman. She might
of their parents, I ran like a wild boar have more energy, sex drive, spirit, and
through the streets. While they laid in the imagination than a man her age. It has
cradle, I had already listened to Dr. Martin been suggested by many scholars that a
Luther King speak, shook the hands of woman reaches her sexual peak between
Senator Hubert H. Humphreys and Robert the age of 38-42. On the other hand, a
Kennedy, and watched vividly his brother man reaches his sexual peak between the
John F. being shot to death on the televi­ ages of 18-22. From that point, it has
sion news accounts. I can recall coming been documented that a males testoster­
home only to find everyone in the house one (sex homiones) decreases with age.
crying, predicting doom for black people, It is no wonder that the older woman and
and wondered how VP Lyndon B. Johnson a younger male match up well. How­
would do. They were crying for Ken­ ever, can that younger man be sensitive
nedy. I can also remember passing out or have a “ slow hand” as the Pointer
"LBJ for the USA" bumper stickers and Sisters suggested? Is it all about “ sex”
encouraging my family not to vote for or being pounced on for hours by the
Barry Goldwater because he would make younger man? Hopefully, it’s about love
us go to school on Saturday’s. Yes, I can and respect. Some younger men are out
recall a great many events and memories for the cash, credit cards,and other mate­
up to the year 1965 or to age ten.
rial things older women can provide.
BY ULLYSSES TUCKER, JR.
I
AFTER
Kevon Edmonds Melvin Edmonds Keith Mitchell
Sunday, November 18th, 1990
Minister Louis Farrakhan
Live!
Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall
111 Southwest Broadway
Downtown Portland, Oregon
Donation
Doors Open at
$10.00
5:30 PM
Redeem Tickets at:
Ticket Exchange the Night of the Event
Call: 289-6103 or 288-3896
THE
Support our Advertisers
SAY YOU SAW IT IN
P O R T L A N D
O B SER VER
/
What about older men and younger
women? Some younger women enjoy
the company of an older man because he
might be more sensitive, secure eco­
nomically, and generally more stable
than his younger counterpart careerwise.
As one twenty-five year old female stated,
“ most of the guys my age are into the
fast life or in jail. Many of them have no
direction...” Some younger women have
no recourse but to date older men. Sadly,
many older men (or sugar daddies) date
younger women for egotistical reasons
and for added prestige among their peers.
It may cost him dearly, but looking
good in public may be more important
than his wallet or bank account. Whqt
bothers this columnist the most is the
older men leaving their wives of decades
for some “ pretty young thang” . It goes
both ways. Women leave their longtime
mates for the same reasons. If a persons
needs are not being met, most often they
will seek other options or consider a new
mate. It’s human nature. Not all of these ■
encounters are based on individual self­
ishness or greed, some are true love and
blessed from the start.
,, f
Personally, I do not know the rea­
sons why, but I meet more women a
decade younger than my own age. Most
women my age are usually married or
divorced and do not want to again, or
have children and do not want anymore.
This is a problem because I would like to
get (oneday) married and father chil­
dren. By the same token, most 25 years
olds are just starting out in their careers,
are attending undergraduate/graduate
school, and do not want to be married or
have children until later in life. How­
ever, there are exceptions to the rule and
timing is very important when dealing
with a younger person. Patience is iraf
portant too. It is important because the
younger individual might not be capable:
of meeting the older persons needs and
frankly, they might not want too.
Age may be a factor in the begin-«
ning of a relationship, but life has a way
of closing the gap as time goes by. Thai
same twenty-five year old will be 5d
years later when I’m 60. It gets bettei»
with time.
: .' •
'I
Seemingly overnight, After 7 have
rocketed to the top of the charts, and es­
tablished themselves as a dynamic force
in the music world. The group’s self-
titled debut has already gone gold and is
racing toward platinum status, spawning
hit singles in the process. “ Ready or
Not” landed in the top ten of Billboard’s
pop singles chart, and went to #1 on the
black music charts; “ Can’t Stop,” “ Heat
Of The Moment,” and “ Don’t Cha’
Think” have made major inroads at radio
and retail.
In addition to chart success, After
7’s live performances have earned much
praise. Billboard said: "The group’s smart
choreography, easy stage presence, and
smooth vocal blend recalled the best of
old soul while updating it to a modem
sound.”
The trio includes the sibling and ;
cousin of one of the industry’s most ;
prolific teams-L.A. and Babyface. Melvin
and Kevon Edmonds are Babyface’s
brothers, while Keith Mitchell is L.A.’s
cousin. Their debut album is truly a fam- ;
ily affair, having been produced by L. A.
and Babyface.
..*
After 7 ’s appeal is due more to tal­
ent than predestination, but the destinies
of the two families provide a fascinating
background story. L.A., Babyface and
the members of After 7’s arc natives of
Indianapolis, and their collective suc­
cess is a tribute to their strong work ethic
and Midwestern values.
Keith’s musical roots are firmly
entrenched in the church. Although he «
had no formal training, he was directing
the youth choir at the age of seven and
continued to sharpen his vocal talents up
to and including the time he first hooked
up with the others. Melvin and Kevon-
have a similar background: “ We were
always surrounded by music,” noted
Kevon. “ Our mother sang in the church.«
and both parents kept music alive in our -
home. We grew up listening to the great
jazz artists of their era. Singing was like •
breathing...it was something we had to-
do.”
After 7 ’s sound is instantly recog­
nizable: a mixture of whip-crack dance
grooves and romantic ballads effortlessly
blend with a classic sweet-soul vocal
style reminiscent of legendary groups
such as the Temptations, The Four Tops
and the Whispers. “ We think our sound
is very special,” said Melvin.
After 7’s long-term goals include
plans tocstablish their own management
and production company, with the inten­
tion of providing an outlet for up-and-
coming talent -and to give something
back to the community.
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