Page 4— I he Portland Observer—September 26, 1990
TO THINE OWNSELF
BE TRUE
BY C.M. BROOKS
________
mate is so painful. American society,
even today, romanticizes the idea of a
ne Saturday morning, I was
woman having a man. How many times
abruptly awakened by the voice
have you heard remarks like “ who are
of an irate woman shouting, “ You
you seeing?” or “ you are too pretty a
want me no more? You don’t want me no
girl not to have a boyfriend. My personal
more? You must not want me, because
favorite is, “ you better find a man soon,
you’re walking away...”
because it is all down hill after 25!”
I lifted the blinds and
Pearls of wisdom, such as these,
not only create an unnecessary
peered out of my bedroom to
strain on a woman to just be in
focus on the source of the dis
American society, even today,
turbance. There in the middle
a relationship, but once the re
romanticizes the idea of a woman
of the street stood a long-time
lationship fails, she perceives
neighborhood friend along with
herself as having failed.
having a man. How many times
her silent boyfriend. Taking
So what are the solutions
have
you
heard
remarks
like
“
who
place was visibly, if not audi
you ask? Well the solutions arc
bly clear. Their relationship
many, but I suggest only two.
are you seeing?” or “you are too
was now ending. She was los
The first is you must be able to
pretty a girl not to have a
ing him for good and she was
have some type of balance within
boyfriend. My personal favorite is,
your relationship and within
devastated.
So that following day, I
yourself. In the case of my friend
“you better find a man soon,
asked myself why is losing a
that I spoke of earlier, she had
because it is all down hill after 25!” to eliminate matters like how
mate so painful? In an attempt
to answer the self-imposed
people viewed them (she and
question, I have come up with
her boyfriend) together, social
status,
and
even economics at the very
two answers.
ship sours, you are, inevitably going to
The basis of my first answer lies in be leftalone.If you don’t have an invalu beginning. Then and only then will she
the observations I have made of a close, able survival skill such as knowing your be able to retain a sense of autonomy at
personal friends’ past relationship. She, self, it will make the fallout all the more the end of the relationship. Knowing
not unlike many woman, had the ten difficult to deal with. Personally speak yourself and knowing yourself well is
dency to sacrifice her separate individu ing, it makes the simple, everyday tasks the second solution. Understand what
ality and wound-up confusing who she like getting out of bed, going to work, you are capable of doing and giving in
was with whom she was dating. For and even seeing friends an ordeal!
any relationship, will also be a benefit tc
example; his friends became her friends,
Perceptions of women in this soci you. Because losing yourself is much
his values became her values, his phi ety is the second answer to why losing a more painful than losing a mate.
O
losophies became hers and so forth. There
is nothing wrong with taking an active
part in a mates life, for this is what helps
bind people together. Respect and ap
don’t
preciation of a mate’s vocations only
cement the ties that arc forming or have
formed. But, there is a point that you
should be aware of. Once the relation
The Portland Observer gladly accepts articles and photos for review for publication. Photos
must be printable and preferable in black and white. Articles should not exceed 250 words
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Abandonment: Fear of
Losing The One You Love
' Z —
-
mother is dissatisfied with her spouse hurt you many times before. “ What makes
and turns to her son for emotional sup that man or woman any different from
port or the father who attempts to keep my past experiences” , you ask . Can
his daughters affection to himself. The these fears be eliminated?
end result is the son feeling emotionally
In my opinion, the fear of losing the
tied (“ mama’s boy” ) and the daughter one you love can be eliminated, but it
feeling the (“ daddy’s little girl” ) same takes time and open communication
towards her father. A person may fear between partners. Relationships have a
being smothered in a relationship be way of opening up past pain and old
cause their parents did them the same wounds. Some people arc so paranoid in
way. There are countless emotional, psy their relationships that they ultimately
chological, family base arguements as to push the other away with negative be
why people fear losing someone they havior or attitude. Past experiences can
vB
t the heart of every rela
X X
lion
ship; or at least
most of them is ihe fear of losing your
beloved or mate. Think of all the times
you might have told or suggested to
someone that you would never leave
them? Had you lived up to his promise,
chances are that you would have several
lovers or mates in you life today. Every
one has lost someone they loved at one
time or another. No one is immuned to
losing someone they love unless they
don’t take risks or in- h h
_____________ create a self-filling
volve themselves in
prophesy, if you will.
relationships. Losing
If people continue to
E V E R Y O N E H A S L O S T S O M E O N E THEY
is a fact of life. Though
live out old wounds
L O V E D A T O N E TIM E O R A N O TH ER . NO
you may lose a lover,
consciously or in re
mate, or husband-that
O N E IS IM M U N E D TO L O S IN G S O M E O N E
lationships, it will cut
does not make you a
off
the flow of inti
T H E Y L O V E U N LE S S T H E Y D O N ’T TAKE
loser. People grow
macy and love.
apart, develop new
R IS K S O R IN V O LV E TH EM S E LV E S IN
Growth in a relation
objectives/goals, and
ship can only occur
RELATIONSHIPS. LOSING IS A FACT OF LIFE.
often times these
when two people are
changes do not coin
THOUGH YOU M AY LOSE A LOVER, MATE, OR
healthy
enough,
cide with those they
HUSBAND-THAT DOES N O T M AKE YOU A
emotionally, to trust
share a relationship
their fears, pain, and
LOSER
with. In some cases,
thoughts with each
this fear can cause
other. Sometimes, the
tension in relationships and affect a per love, but the strongest ones come in the
fear of losing your loved one is
son’s abi 1 i ty to com mit. People are afraid area of being abandoned emotionally as
because of their change in habits, infi
of being neglected or abandoned, again. a child. People play out their childhood
delity, respect for you, and other ele
This may also cause a person to become emotional trauma in relationships and
ments that do not promote positive inter
possessive in a relationship or consis marriages in some instance. They feel
action. In these cases of extreme disre
tently demand that their mate/lover/hus- empty, powerless, and ashamed when
spect or wrcckless disregard for your
band/wife to prove their love for them.
they want to reach out or bond with oth feelings, the affected party should con
So, why do you suppose people are ers. Parents, in many cases, have no idea
sider termination of the relationship. It’s
afraid of losing a mate? It has been how much they contribute to their chil
not always your fault and instead of
suggested by some communication pro drens emotional or psychological devel
feeling fear, you should consider it a
fessionals that children whose parents opment as adults. Some effects arc good
relief that they are leaving your life.
were unavailable emotionally fear bond and others are terrible. Fear of losing the
In summary, people should learn to
ing and contact the most. On the other one you love can be a direct result of not
slop allowing past pain or wounds to
hand, children whose parents were pro getting love, emotional or psychological
prevent them from living for the future
tective, invasive, or dominating worry support from your parents. It is difficult
or today. Your mate for life could be
about losing their identity, personal space, to trust and believe in another human
right before your eyes. Wake up!
or character in a relationship. Think of being when the ones you respect the
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Portland Observer
. - J
THE LOCKER ROOM
Black People Already Have $$
The Power: Redirect The Dollars
BY^ULLYSSES TUCKER, JR.
Recently, a colleague of mine in
Massachuttes telephoned me, as he does
once a month (consistently) to keep me
abreast of political/economic develop
ments on the east coast. He commented
about the NIKE/PUSH situation and went
on to share his observations on the boy
cott. An economic major in the doctorate
program at Holy Cross College, he also
talked about the economic clout black
people have and suggested how we should
redirect our values towards money.
Cynthia Brooks, the new columnist for
HIS/HER Opinion had made the same
observations too in a previous conversa
tion.
He said that if black people in the
United States were country, we would
have one of the lop ten Gross National
Products in the entire world. That’s based
strictly on the consumer dollars spent by
black people, not the property, invest
ments, or other assets we own. Black
people would rank up there with Japan,
England, Great Britain, Canada, Ger
many, and other powers around the world.
That’s real power! He went on further to
say that we spend money, but we need to
start focusing away from consumerism.
The GNP premise indicates that black
people have the economic base to stabi
lize our own communities and become
less dependent upon “ the system” for
our survival. It’s just a matter of us
(black folks) straighten ingout our (their)
priorities and redirecting our dollars. Two
days ago, a youngster 1 know bragged to
me about owning tenpairof NIKEtcnnis
shoes and seven sweat suits. I’m his
mentor in a program sponsored by one of
the local churches I’m associated with. I
laughed at how materialistic he was,
calculated the total cost (in my mind)
and concluded that he could have pur
chased $3,000 worth of stock in NIKE.
On a deeper note, just imagine if all
of the black people in Portland (and the
USA) invested their money in elements
like C .D .’s, mutual funds, bonds, and
other opportunities at black banks they
can trust? I’m talking about building a
powerful black bank. Futhermore, imag
ine black people spending their con
sumer dollars on goods/scrvices offered
by black businesses. Then, these same
black businesses can turn around and
make deposits in that “ trusted” black
bank, rhe cycle continues when those
(“ trusted” ) black bank lends money to
black businesses for expansion or to black
couples for home loans/home improve
ments. The “ trusted” black bank Board
of Directors would consist of credible
black leaders, black corporate
executives,and businessmen. These in
dividuals would/could assist or help the
bank with investment opportunities,
economic development projects, and
oversee college loans/scholarships. The
Board of Directors could also help those
“ trusted” black banks buy up property
in the community, conduct research for
various venture capital projects, and
support black social service agencies as
well as black lawyers, who might be
lobbying on Capitol Hill or down in
Salem for black people. Black folks have
the power already.
U.S.Bank, First Interstate, Bank of
America, Security Pacific, Far West
Federal, Scafirst Bank, Key Bank, Bank
of California, West One Bank, or Wash
ington Federal Bank-w hich one do you
save your money or invest in? None of
these banks arc black owned and many
of them systematically discriminate
against blacks seeking car loans, homes,
orexpansion of black businesses. Ameri
can State Bank, the only black owned
bank in the city looks like a “ ghost
town” when I go in there compared to
other banks. Why? Because the great
majority of black people and black po-
litical/social service agencies in this town
do not bank at this institution. Banking at
black banks would definitely be the start
of building a stable black community,
economically. However, the black banks
must be willing to meet the needs of its
black customers. Partnership is essen
tial. Currently, white banking institu
tions arc meeting the needs of black
people, black banks, throughout the United
Sûtes (only 38) had better u k e a long
hard look at the black (dollars) consumer
power and get busy. Black people have
the power.
Many white people see blacks as
lazy, materialistic, criminals, welfare
oriented, and shallow intellectually. We
are the only ones who can eliminate
these attitudes or perceptions. We can do
that by simply stop blaming white folks
for our shortcomings and become ac-
counuble for your life. The white man
docs not have that much power over my
self-esteem or desire to be the best that I
can be. Everyday, I read and see all the
success stories about Asians, Vietnam
ese, and other ethnic groups making good
in America. These groups arc successful
because they spend their money in their
own com muni tics, do not fear hard work,
have a strong sense of togetherness and
family. We need to get back to basics
and use the power we have. Let us stop
complaining about the effects of slavery,
how the white man holds us back, and
shake the shackles from your mind. Stop
blaming the while man for our shortcom
ings and wake up.
We already have the power. Just
check our pockets...
N.F.L. plans satellite signal scrambling
and eventual pay-per-view contests
by AARON FENTRESS
Once upon a time the
N.F.L. was a struggling league
trying to keep it's head above water.
Promoters of the N.F.L. tried
everything to get fans interested in
their sport. Today N.F.L. football is
the biggest spectator sport in
America.
Of the top ten most
watched television programs of all-
time, six are Super Bowls. All this
after the first Super Bowl in 1967
didn't even sell out.
Now the N.F.L. has gotten
greedy. N.F.L. franchises run in
value anywhere from $60 million to
$150 million.
The N.F.L. is
definitely a rich league. And it's
trying to get richer. Even at the
expense of the fans who got the
N.F.L. where it is today. How soon
they forget.
The
latest gripe, and
eventual fan bamboozle, centers
around satellite dish signals. Those
lucky enough to own a satellite dish
have the technology to pick up any
N.F.L. broadcast regardless of the
region in which they live in. That
way those northwest folk can watch a
real game being played elsewhere
instead of suffering with the
Scahawks.
It all sounds pretty innocent
to anyone outside of the N.F.L.'s
brain-trust. The signals being picked
up by the satellite dishes arc signals
that arc being broadcasted for free in
other regions across the nation. So
what's the big deal.
The problem for the N.F.L.
lies with the sports bars.
N.F.L.
officials claim that they don't have a
problem with the individual who
picks up the signals, only with the
bars who boost up their business by
showing other quality games out of
their regions. God forbid a bar sells
few extra beers.
"Sports bars are illegally
stealing the signals of games that arc
not being shown in the area," said
NFL spokesman Greg Aiello. "Il's a
federal
copyright
law.
It's
misappropriating a private signal."
First of all how private of a
signal can it be when a significant
chunk of the nation is already
picking it up free. Second of all if it
wasn't for the fans who go to sports
bars ritually to watch their favorite
teams there wouldn't even be an
N.F.L. The league exist because we
support it. No other reason.
The N.F.L.'s solution to
this signal stealing is to scramble the
signals. This way sports bar owners
can't pick up the games. Then of
course the N.F.L. is planning to start
a pay-per-view system at around $20
a game. Mo' money, Mo' money,
Mo' money. And less respect for the
people who make the N.F.L. what it
is.
Right now fans are safe
,_ l_________________ _________________
Street Clean-up in the Northeast
Sisters Gaining Equality Through Excellence (S.G.E.) is holding a street clean-up on
October 13 from 12:00 p.m.-3:00 p.m. Anyone willing to help is welcome.
We meet at Peninsula Park on the south end. We'll go from Peninsula, head north, and
stop at Skidmore street. Please come and support S.G.E.'s effort to clean up our community!
*
4 .*
from satellite signal scrambling. But
in their new television contracts with
the N.F.L., CBS adn NBC were
required to begin scrambling their
regional telecasts this season. CBS,
however, has claimed they've been
delayed trying to get the necessary
technology in place. NBC has just
pul off scrambling it's signals.
So for now, the bars and
fans can watch their cross country
games with no problems. But next
year will be a different story.
"It's something we've tried
to enforce for 10 years," Aielo said.
"But it's imposiblc with all the bars
and restaurants. The only effective
way to do it is with scrambling."
Rcalisticly $20 a game isn't
that much when you consider the
money made by the extra customers
who walk in and stagger out of
sports bars. For the average fan at
home ordering the game it shouldn’t
be that difficult to find a few friends
and share the cost. But the price is
not the issue. It's the principle of
the situation. If sports bars didn't
pick up the games the N.F.L.
wouldn’t loose any money. With the
sports bars picking up the signals the
N.F.L. really doesn't loose any
money cither. It just provides the
N.F.L. with yet another opportunity
to make more money.
At the
unwarranted expense of the people
who make the league run in the first
place, the fan.
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