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About Morning Oregonian. (Portland, Or.) 1861-1937 | View Entire Issue (April 20, 1910)
lO TTIE MOBSIXG OREGOXIAX, WEDNESDAY, APRIIi 20, 1910. PORTLAND. OBEGON. Entered at Portland. Oregon. Postofflce as Beeond-Class Matter. (subscription ltates Invariably in Advance. (BY MAIL.) Bally. Sunday included, one year 8?2 rally, Sunday Included, six months... 4.2 lally, Sunday Included, three month.. 2-2j JJully, Sunday included, one month.... laily, without Sunday, cne year.... "-"J Ial!y. without Sunday, six months.... 3. 5 Dally, without Sunday, three months 1.75 Dally, without Sunday, one month -60 Weekly, one year. Sunday, one year... 8.60 fcui.day and -weekly, one year.. ...... 8.60 (By Carrier, . Dally. Sunday Included, one year..... 8.00 Dally, Sunday Included, one month 75 How to Kemit Send Postofflce money order, express order or personal check on your local hank. Stamps, coin or currency are at the sender's risk. Give postofflce ad dress in full. Including county and state. I'ostage Kate 10 to 14 pases. 1 cent; 16 to as pages. 2 cents; 80 to 40 pages. 3 cents; 40 to (to pases. 4 cents. Foreign postage double rate. f.astern Business Office The 8. C. Beck wlth Special Agency New York, rooms 48 r0 Tribune building. Chicago, rooms 510-BL2 Tribune building. 1-OKTI.AXI1. WEDXESOAY. AFKXL, 20, 1910. THE MTHE3D3 COURT AXI TI1K TRUSTS. The: United States Supreme Court, which knows pretty well how to .keep its own secrets, has not seen fit to inform the public why it ordereda re argument of the Tobacco and Standard Oil cases. In the lower court3 both , , were docided against the trusts on the ground that they had violated the Sherman anti-trust law. This much discussed act of Congress for bids combinations in. restraint of trade. The lower Federal courts held In the Standard Oil and Tobacco case that the act iwaa meant Xo apply only to suchr combinations as had been formed mainly for the purpose of restraining trade, while a mere incidental stifling of competition would not necessarily be contrary to the law. The court believed, however, that the Standard Oil Company and the Tobacco Trust had used methods in building them selves up to their present mammoth proportions which showed plainly that their main purpose was to destroy "heir competitors. It was held, there fore, that they had violated the Sher man law and their dissolution was ordered. Naturally, the suits were appealed- to the Supreme Court, and at one time a speedy decision was ex pected. Sound business interests hoped that the matter would be ended one way or the other without exces sive delay, since for them almost any definite conclusion would have been preferable to prolonged doubt. Now all such hopes must be abandoned. If the decision is reached in the course of another year it is as much as can be looked for. Opinions differ as to the reasons for the postponement, but there is ground for the belief that the ap pointment of Justice Lurton and the death of Justice Brewer altered the standing of the Supreme Court on the trust issue, which was similar to the one in the Northern Securities case. When the latter was decided four Jus tices Harlan, Brewer, McKenna and 1 Jay stood for the Government, while Fuller, White and Holmes were 6 gainst it. Justice Brewer's death thus left three of those Judges on each side of the question, and if Mr. Lurton stood for the trusts and against the Government, as many strongly sur mise, there must have been a ma jority for reversal of the lower court and the virtual annulment of the Sherman anti-trust act. To make so soon after Justice Brewer's death a decision of fundamental importance which could not have been made had he lived seemed hardly decent, per haps, and for that reason in all prob ability the reargument was ordered. Further discussion is not likely to alter the views of any of the Judges. It is interposed, one may bellfcve, more for the looks of the thing than for any other purpose. In the end the deci sion will be given by a divided court and there may even be a tie. 'That will depend upon the man whom Mr Taft selects to succeed Justice Brewer. If he happens to be favorable to the trust view, there will perhaps be a majority of two Judges for the re versal of the lower courts. If he stands with the Gtfernment, the Supreme CJourt will be evenly divided and the orders for the dissolution of the Standard Oil Company and the to bacco Trust must be obeyed. One of the Judges. Justice Moody, is debarred from sitting in these cases, since he was Attorney-General when the pros ecutions were begun. , . While conservative business is dis appointed by the postponement of the decision, still it 'is not likely to do much harm. The capital of the coun try goes on consolidating very much as it would if the trust cases were not pending. Indeed the movement of consolidation has assumed tidal proportions and apparently nothing short of a convulsion of nature can stay it. Should the Supreme Court confirm the order dissolving the Standard Oil Company, the most that could be ex pected to result from it would be a formal change in the organization of the monopoly. Its lawyers are ingen ious enough to invent some new method of combination which the law has not foreseen and thus attack can be met by. elusive devices forever. On the other hand, if the Supreme Court should reverse the order of the lower court, its decision would mean that the Sherman law cannot be enforced. In other words, it would admit openly what every person conversant with economic history knows to be true. The importance of the Supreme Court's final action will therefore largely consist in its effect upon the future course of the Government's law department. If it is against the trusts, no doubt the Attorney-General will feel obliged to go on in his vain pursuit of the Impossible and will seek to dissolve the offending combi nations. Slain under one form, they will immediately reappear in another, but that will make no difference. The game must be played according to the rules, If the decision is favorable to the trusts, then very likely the Sher man law will quietly drop out of siarht and the course of economic evo 'ution will be permitted to run smooth ly on to its destined goal. What that goal may be, of course, It is impossi ble to predict, but clearly the failure to destroy the trusts must be suc ceeded by unremitting efforts to regu late them for the public good. It is no Just complaint against the trusts that they largely monopolize certain lines of business. Many thinkers teach that such businesses ought to be mo nopolized. The only real fault to be found with them is that they concen trate the benefits of monopoly. When some way has been found to distribute those benefits properly, the outcry agalnst.the trusts will be as completely hushed as the old clamor against ma chinery has been. The trust in fact Is a highly improved, economic "ma chine. SQUARE DEAL FOR TAFT? It i3 not easy to believe that Roose velt would deny President Taft the "square deal" by condemning his Ad ministration at the behest of Taft's enemies, or would talk disparagingly of the President "behind his back." That is not Roosevelt's accustomed method, and when the American peo ple think it over they will come to the conclusion that Roosevelt would do no such thing. Still, the reports that Roosevelt is displeased with the ad ministration of Taft and has so de clared himself are interesting, because the reports show that they are inspired from sources that have done their best to worm some hostile word out of the Colonel abroad, and now are put to their inventive resources. The ex-President will not forget that he had critics and enemies during his Administration, even as hostile and malignant as Taft's. His own term was. not a period of lovely peace, nor when he went abroad did he expect Taft to have a career sweetened con tinuously with roses and nectar. Roosevelt was assailed, while Presi dent, as the dangerous foe of the peo ple's constitutional liberty. His at tacks on the beef trust were said to be ruinous to America's foreign meat trade, and his round-up of the corpor ations was declared radical and de structive. It will be remembered that Roosevelt was so indignant that he caused libel prosecutions to be started against several of his most vitriolic canal critics, and that in his Adminis tration the expressions "muckraker and "ugly word" started. His treat ment of South American republics was declared outrageous, and his expan sive policy in the Orient and of large Navy was set upon as dangerous to the well-being of the Nation. So that the Colonel abroad would be wonderfully surprised if the President had no critics and traducers. And it would be strange if he would deny the square deal to his own selected incum bent of the Presidency. A declaration in support of Taft at some near time will be in the natural course of events. WHERE IS THE WATER POWER TRUST T Ex-Secretary Garfield echoes Pin- ohot's water-trust alarm, and repeats that National officialdom must save Western States by treating them as Feleral provinces, instead of as com monwealth co-equals of Eastern States. It makes no difference to Mr. Pinchot or Mr. Garfield that the sov ereign people of the Nation have vested oontrol of non-navigable waters in the state governments and have ordained this in the laws, or that the Western States, where the water pow ers are, have assumed complete au thority over use of water and know best how to manage their domestic af fairs. Yet why this yellow-tinted noise about power trust in the West and none In the East? The country east of the Rocky Mountains has great water powers, too, yet the trust is said to be forming only on this Western slope. Must the rest of the United States be left to the mercy of the ter rible water monopoly? -Truth is, this water trust cry is meant to Justify the existence of Pin chot officialdom. There will be no monopoly in Western States, because the people of these commonwealths have tight hold through their owner ship of unappropriated waters and their power of taxation. The state is the sovereign owner of the right to use and appropriate non-navigable waters. This has al ways been the law and is so still. States of the East and Middle West have allowed appropriation of waters under this system, yet we hear noth ing there of a trust. This is a mat ter wholly beyond the lawful control of any Federal bureau, through any assertion of Federal riparian owner ship. In the West riparian ownership of use of water does not belong to ownership of riparian land, but to the people of the state. Mr. Pinchot an3. Mr. Garfield would better aid this Western country with Govcirment bond issue for irrigation than with a swarm of officials who exist for pretense of conserving its streams against a trust. Whenever they can show the trust the Western people will deal with it more effectu ally than will the bureaus in the Na tional Capital. They have laws and public sentiment and officials of their own, created for that very purpose And they will insist on controlling their water resources Just as the older states have done and will continue to do. MR. BRYAN" BRIXGS HOME HIS SILVER. Mr. Bryan, on coming home from a second tour abroad, has made another mistake, this time by reviving the sil ver fallacy. Five days before landing In New Tork, his fellow Democrats heard the old issue in a letter sent to them at their Jefferson feast in In dianapolls. The returning traveler declared high prices and enlarged supply of gold prove his Quantitative theory of money and vindicate his 1896 issue. But they rather show that his free coin age of silver at the ratio of 16 to 1 would have made prices far higher would have sent them out of sight and that the country is lucky to have rejected his medicine. Besides, Mr. Bryan then Insisted that the gold standard would make prices lower. yet now he says it has made them Jilgher. The Peerless One heretofore has so often succeeded in saying the wrong thing at the right time that his latest word about gold and silver and prices Is quite in 'keeping with his record. Once before, when he came home from abroad, he launched out for public ownership of railroads, and his party made things so warm for hint that he was compelled to retract. Now again he revives the old silver controversy, which hi3 party - thought had been burled for good. Meanwhile hls! brethren try to con vtnee the country that something is wrong because prices are too high and money is too cheap. Yet not many years ago they were howling with him that prices were too low and money was too dear. Evidently Mr. Bryan is not alone in his party in saying the wrong thing at the right time Most certainly he can find no valid vindication of his 1896 issue in high prices and enlarged gold supply, if it be true that abundance of gold has cheapened Its purchasing power and caused prices to rise, then his cheap silver money would have started a ter rific era of high prices far higher than the present level and the change would have come of a sudden. Imme diately as the country went from the basis of gold prices to those of silver. His scheme would have brought cheap money with a vengeance, cheaper than the world ever expects to see. The Nebraskan claims to have been the original quantitative money man. Yet his opponents cited to him throughout the silver craze the quan titative doctrine. The country had passed through the greenback period and knew more about money quantity than did Mr. Bryan. And it knew that it did not wish its money Inflated by vast quantities of ' cheap silver money. Mr. Bryan would better let the silver issue rest in peace. His proph ecies not only have failed to come true, but they have proved false. The gold standard has not made prices cheaper, as he said it would, nor has the. gold supply failed to meet the needs of exchange, as he predicted would be the case. Nor has the yel low metal oppressed farmers and workingmea with low prices, as he prophesied. In short, while Mr. Bryan may be a peerless leader, he is not a peerless statesman nor a peerless prophet. THE gEN-ATE IBAIXERSHXP. There is something besides satire in Mr. Dolliver's remark that the Sena torial leadership may presently "be laid away among the antiquated relics in the Smithsonian Institution." With the contemplated retirement of Aid rich, Hale and one or two other con spicuous managers, there will be a vacancy in the leadership which may possibly continue for a long time. The ideal Senate would be composed of men of such pre-eminent ability that each would be capable of forming valuable opinions of his own on pub lic questions and desirous of express ing them. In such a situation no body could be a leader in the sense in which Mr. Aldrich has been. Men of large caliber would not submit to it. They would demand an effective voice in affairs and would compel others to yield them their proper placet Theoretically, Rhode Island is not entitled to dominate the United States Senate. Every other state has the same right to control that she has and that right would become effective If they all selected for the Senate men as vigorous and able as Mr. Aldrich. Why do they not do it? Why should a state like Michigan send to the Sen ate an ineffectual dummy like Bur rows, or Oregon choose a Bourne, or New York a Depew? It Is as if a per son having an. important lawsuit to try in court should select for his attorney the biggest empty-head he could find and pass by all the acute and learned lawyers who were eager to serve him. SUBSIDY AND SLANDER. A pitifully cheap and disreputable set of character assassins were those secured by the Merchant Marine League to assail and Impugn the mo tives of all who opposed the" subsidy graft. To the testimony of Penton, the insulting hireling of the league, has been added that of John M. Max well, who was the immediate prede cessor of Penton as the editor of the official organ of the subsidy hunters. Maxwell's testimony, like Penton's, is absolutely devoid of any straightfor ward evidence that would in the slightest degree corroborate or bol ster up the wild charges which, by Innuendo and inference and even by direct statement, they have made against the men who best understood the real objects of the ship subsidy bill. - There was a breezy, blatant, confi dent ring to the- articles fathered by both Maxwell and Penton in their misnamed American Flag. They wrote freely of "professional merchant liars." They charged honest newspa per correspondents with "faking" and receiving money from "foreign ship ping bureaus" engaged in a "Washing ton boodle campaign." Maxwell as serted that the free ship clause of the Kusterman bill was offered by "for 'eign shipping organizations,", and ac cused all opponents - of the subsidy bill of participating in an alleged "slimy graft." This campaign of slander, which the ship subsidy' hunt ers have waged relentlessly for years, prior to the recent vicious attack on Representative Steenerson, had been permitted to proceed without rebuke except in the way of occasional news paper comment. Cowards in all walks of life not Infrequently mistake pro tracted immunity from punishment fully due them for fear on the part of the attacked. PATTEN AND THE GOVERNMENT. The United States Government to day begins an investigation of the cot ton situation with a view of determin ing the extent, If any, to which the manipulation of speculators is re sponsible for present high prices. As Mr. Patten is the most prominent fig ure In the cotton market at this time. It is believed that the fire of the in vestigators will be centered on him. A Washington, X. C, dispatch says that 25 per cent of the cotton mill opera tives of America have been thrown out of employment by the alleged cotton pool: that "as the result of operations of this pool, prices have been ad vanced so largely in excess of normal that cotton manufacturers had greatly reduced their output, throwing out of employment upwards of 25 per cent of the cotton mill operatives of the United States, and thus diminished commerce in cotton goods." The results of this investigation will be awaited with considerable interest, and the probe ought to go deep enough to show whythe advance In formation secured by Mr. Patten and his associates on cotton, corn, wheat or any other great staple in which they speculate Is invariably so much more accurate than that provided by the Government. According to a New York dispatch, the particular transac tion on which the present inquiry will hinge is the purchase of 150,000 bales of cotton alleged to be held by the pool. This Is not a large amount of cotton out of a total crop of any where from 9,000,000 to 10,000,000 bales, and to produce the present un usual agitation in the market there must be other influences at work. Last - Fall, when Patten was first re ported as buying cotton, he was quoted in the New York newspapers as saying that Secretary Wilson's cotton report was a "Joke," and that the crop had been far overestimated by the United States Department of Agriculture. On the strength of the Government figures, American manufacturers were slow to stock up. with the result that the greater portion of tie abnormally small surplus was shipped -ut of the country before the public awoke to the fact that the Patten information on cotton, as well as on 'wheat, was far superior to the United States Govern ment's. A short crop of any commod ity is naturally followed by high prices, and it also quite .naturally pre sents opportunities for speculative manipulation that might not be at tempted in a large crop. The pres ent investigation should go far enough to determine why Mr. Patten is always right and the Government always wrong in its estimates. Early in the present year, when May corn was sell ing at 65 to 70 cents, per bushel. Mr. Patten was reported as losing millions of dallars by seHing short, and he again took the public into his confi dence by stating that the corn crop was far in excess of the Government figures and that lower prices were in evitable. Since that time corn has declined 14 cents per bushel. It is costing millions of dollars to maintain Secretary Wilson's bureau of misinformation, and a great .many more millions are being lost because the public places dependence on these figures. The facts named would cer tainly seem, to have a direct bearing on the present Investigation. "I knew it was not so, but Johnny Jones said it first," cries the sniveling urchin when caught In the act of cir culating a little white lie. "I can not tell who my informant was. I do not care to elaborate, and I merely published the statement "for what it was worth," snivels the contemptible Maxwell when questioned by the Con gressional investigating committee, which is honestly endeavoring to get at the starting point of the 'wild ru mors started by these promoters of the ship subsidy scheme. Yet these Journalistic prostitutes of the Max-well-Penton type are not wholly to blame for the scandalous work in which they have been engaged. The men "higher up," who supply the funds which have caused this muck raking, are the real offenders. They have not only purchased the services of lickspittles of the Maxwell-Penton. type, but under the plea of patriotism, they have added to their retinue a large number of honest men who have een misled Into support of the sub sidy bill in the belief that it was a patriotic measure. All of the efforts of this honest contingent, however, have been nullified by the expose which was provoked by the vicioua slanders oil the paid muck-rakers. When the ship subsidy clans view the flattened remains of their pet meas ure, after the conclusion of this in vestigation, they may recall that old verse : 6o .the struck eagle stretched upon the plain, No more 'midst driving clouds to soar again. Viewed his own feather on the fatal dart That winged, the shaft that quivered in his heart. 'Tho keen his pangs, yet keener far to feel He'd nursed the pinion that impelled the steel. That ' was very interesting news which the wandering Danville, HI., stenographer sent her father from Na ples. Regardless of its importance, however, it will be difficult for a fair minded public to determine which is the more reprehensible offense the lady's Inexcusable violation of Colonel Roosevelt's, confidence or her asinine father's publication of portions of her letter. Enemies of Joseph Cannon, who also hails from Danville, will un doubtedly see in the action of "Judge" Love some reason for the majorities by. .which Uncle Joe has been repeat edly returned to Congress. Yet Dan ville may not have more fools than other cities simply because it has one fool who at the present time towers above all others who have succeeded in getting their name connected with that of Roosevelt. When it develops in the end that the lady did not know what she was talking about, or has been falsely reported, the importance of her communication will be better understood. . Spokane, Wash., has two attorneys at Washington, D. C, supporting the Dixon long-and-short-haul amendment to- the Elkina bill. Spokane sees In this amendment a possible chance to secure something even better than the terminal rates fbr which it is fight ing. If this amendment should pass and a strict observance of the long and-short haul rule be required, Spo kane would fully appreciate the per tinence of that expression "between the devil and the deep blue sea;' Hel ena, Missoula and; Butte on the east would be Jobbing' right, up -to her doors, under better rates than Spo- kane would have; and from the west all the Coast ports which already have rates far below the railroad tariffs would be shipping heavily into Spo kane territory, with Colfax, Pullman Lewiston, Walla Walla - and other points having a proportionate advan tage. Spokane in its original rate case set In motion a force that has perpetually impaired Its prestige as a Jobbing center. The secretary of the Chamber of Commerce transportation committee says that the establishment of steam boat service on the Columbia River above Celllo has caused a reduction of $6 per ton in freight rates. Let us hope that a- corresponding reduction will appear in the cost of operating the portage road at Celilo. If the portage road can be made to show a profit, or even to pay Interest and ex penses, the alleged saving of $6 per ton on freight will become something more than a matter of bookkeeping. If the State of Oregon wouMput up money enough, the consumers of Idaho and Washington, who derive the great est benefits from the Celilo portage road, would receive still greater re ductions in freight rates. Eventually, however, these rates must be fixed on the cost of service and the fixed charges against the Investment. By that method only can it be deter mined whether rates are too high or too low. This mistaking of Venus for the comet is all the more absurd when one hears that somebo" has beei. gazing through a telescope. One should remember, amid the forgetfulness of Roosevelt's enemies, that distance lends enchantment to the view. ' You may miss the comet, but expert observers say you can now see Venus with the naked eye. Seems appropri ate, v Goulds and Drexels have added their wealth together, which, after all, gives higher rank than a coronet. It is ten years since Uncle Sam's last census, but one wouldn't think lt(from the age of the women folks. One of the two, Mr. Jeffries or Mr. Johnson, will think that comet a terri ble visitor NO PINCHOT FADS IN CANADA. Americans) Flee Thither for Cheap I. And, Away From "Conservation." Aberdeen World!. The farmer of the Middle West has trekked westward to the Coast. He has found here wealth and opportunity in plenty, and resources in abundance. But he has not found a "poor man's country." He has found land in the Yakima and Wenatchee valleys, for instance, held at a price of $1000 or $2000 an acre. and where prices were low he has found the land worthless without water. Or if he visited the Walla Walla district or traveled north through all that won derful Island Empire to Spokane he saw on all sides vast fields of waving grain, and he found that a "ranch," with its thousands of 'acres, was something quite different from the "farm" of Iowa or Illinois. Money was to be made here the homeseeker could see. that but he could also see .that money in chunks was a first requisite. ' Conditions that prevailed in Yakima prevailed, he found, in the Puyallup valley. And if he came on to the Harbor district and the Straits territory he found again the need of money. Such' land, the prospective settler haa discovered, as could be bought cheaply in this Northwest, Is locked tightly In forest reserves, or withdrawn by the Government for other purpose. One- third of the total area of these three states of the North Pacific 1st not for development It la reserved for pas. tertty. So the Middle West homeseeker has turned northward to Canada, in the nine- years between 1900 and 1909 im migrants from the United States have entered on 69,861 Canadian homesteads. Figured at 180 acres each the figure that pertains in America the United States has peopled 11,177.760 acres of Canadian lands. Why? In the answer to that question can be found the hostility of the West to the conservation theories of Pinchot. The greatest influx of farmers to Canada .has occurred during the past three years. Prior to that time, it Is reasonable to suppose that the dissatis fied farmer of the Middle, West had turned westward to the Northwest, had investigated this district thoroughly and had not found the conditions he sought. An American does not easily shake off his allegiance to his own country not unless through necessity or surfeit not unless he looks for op portunity, or like some Astor, seeks a chance to be that which he is not. . Finding Government fences out here. denied access to resources, the farmer of the Middle West, and, if you please, even of the Northwest, has turned northward In these past few years. too, while we have been "conserving to beat the band, out of our large char ity, for the benefit of posterity, we have been losing a large amount of potential posterity. Canada hasn't thought so deeply on the subject as have Pinchot, Collier's Weekly and al lied faddists, and has given more than a passing thought to present population and immediate development. Of course, we quite understand the folly of Can ada's viewpoint, looked at from the sublime heights of several thousand yearB hence, but we can't quite measure up to that standard of heavenly states manship: and the plebian idea of work ing today for the man of today makes a powerful appeal. This whole question has some inter est for the Harbor and Chehalis County. Development of logged-off lands' and the increase of farming in this district are real needs. The men we had a right to depend on for, that work ought to be here on the Job, not in Canada. This whole question holds, too. some Interest for the East. The West is the granary of this Nation.- The East lives off the lands of the West. We were wont to boast that the United States could "feed the world." We are not feeding the world now, but Canada, with the aid of the men we have so generously enabled her to procure, is beginning to dream, and dream with good warrant, or - ieeains- the world. It may be very well to be alarmed for posterity, but there are mouths to feed now and backs to be clothed. It might be an excellent idea to bring our alarms back to date. Proper School .Age, Boston Globe. The old , question, "At what age should children enter school?" is be ing agitated in educational circles. Companionship and study are excellent elements in an education for the young when It Is possible to have groups of children enter school at the same age. For example, if all the children in a neighborhood"" could begin attendance at the age of 6 or 7 or 8 years, then the companionship would have much to do with fostering a child's interest in the studies. One educator's advice that the par ents should consult with the principal of the school in the district where they reside and have him examine the child for the purpose of deciding whether it Is best to have him begin schooling is sensible. But it is far better to have a physician's opinion on this subject. There are too many children of a ten der age ambltous to study -who have not the requisite physical health. Body building Is of more consequence than mental attainments in the beginning of a child ar education. Locomotive That Ituns Backward, Railway and Locomotive Engineering, A rather curious development Is seen in the. latest type of locomotives on the Southern Pacific, which are run cab-first, the smoke-stack end bring ing up the rear. Experience gained in operating these engines through tunnels and snow sheds has proved the desirability of placing the engine crew where a better view of the track can be obtained. Accordingly the new Southern Pacific Jocomotlves are designed to run with the firebox first and the tender back of the smoke box. With a coal-burning locomotive such a plan would, of course, be impracticable, but no diffl culty is anticipated when using oil as fuel. In the new design, the cab is en tered through side doorways, reached by suitable ladders. An unobstructed view of the track is obtained through the front windows. The cab fittings are conveniently arranged within easy reach of the engineman, who occupies the right-hand side when looking ahead, His Wife's Cla-ars. Baltimore American. "My wife broke me of the habit of smoking. "Why, I didn't know. she objected to your smoking. "She doesn't." "Then how came she to break you of the habit?" "She ' was great on saving, and she bought all my cigars." i Wants Real Sport. ' Atlanta Journal. Colonel Roosevelt is tired of his make believe fighting wild game in Africa and yearns for the real sport In Washing ton. Apropos. Dayton News. After two nice days of Spring, a dls agreeable day causes more comment than a month of winter. PANIC AMO.VG TEXAS KEGROES. Plan to Import African Beasts Starts Terrific Commotion. Louisville Courier-Journal. A report from WalllsvlUe tells of a panic created among Texas negroes by the proposal of Representative Brous sard. of Louisiana, that Congress appro priate $250,000 to import African big game animals and turn them loose in the Jun gles of the Gulf States to allow them to multiply and furnish meat for the buck era of the Beef Trust. Having Implicit faith In the veracity of the correspondent, we quote his nar rative: 'Sam Ward has returned from the Double Bayou district, where, he says, the negroes have been worked up to a high pitch of excitement over the stories that have been told them by white visit ors of the Government's alleged plan to put big wild game from Africa In the for ests and swamps. While he was there a mass meeting was held In the rickety old negro church to discuss the matter. Two or, three hundred negroes crowded into the little room and considered the Impending disaster from every possible standpoint. The . Rev. Tobias Tomllnson, the pastor of the flock, presided over the meeting. Somehow the belief Is firmly grounded In the minds of the negroes that ex-President Roosevelt is the originator and chief promoter of the proposition to bring voracious African animals to this section. 4 'Breddern, dls am a powerful trouble some time wld which we are about to be oppress'd,' began the Rev. Tobias. We know not what moment shiploads ob hlp- popot'musses and other kinds of savage beasts of Africy may be turned loose on our shore to devour our little chillens and teas' on our sweet pertator patches. May be the hippopot'musses are now beln' un loaded down at High Island, an' ' 'Oh. Lodryl Oh! L-o-r-d-y! Whar am my two Chilians?" interrupted a fat wom en on a back seat as she rose and wad dled frantically out of the door. 'The Rev. Tobias gazed intently at the audience over his black-rlramed spec tacles in mild rebuke of the interrup tion. Tt am a strange thing what are beln done, this here brlngln' them beaBts ob prey from Africy to Double Bayou." he continued. 'Wharefore de whyness? I asks you all. Can any ob yo' answer? No! Therefore, I say. wharefore de why ness of brlngln' dem air animals to Double Bayou? No mo' will we lib in peace; no mo' will' An old darky who was sitting uson the front edge of the pulpit platform Jumped to his feet and, waving his arms at the preacher, made inquiry in a high pitched voice. ' 'Brudder Tomllnson, what am dese hippopot'musses dat we hear so much about? Ef dey ain't no wusser dan dem razor-back shotes what gits in my garden I kin handle 'em hyself." The Rev. Tobias allowed his contemp tuous gaze to rest upon the braggart for a moment, and then said: " 'Rastus Williams, I'se s'prlsed at you. Ob course, yo" can handle dem' shotes what come f om white folks pas ture I s'pect right now yo got smoked bacon f om often dem shotes right In your house. But let me tell you. "Rastus Wil liams, yo' would draip dald wld heart's disease if y' was to meet one of dem hippopot'musses in de road or see one ob dem in yo' sweet pertater patch. 'Ras tus Williams, do yo' know how big dem hippopot'musses is? Listen to me, bred dern, an" I'll tell yo' about dem animals. Yo' all hab seen dat big mule what Massa Jackson drtbes to dfe mall hack? W all. dat mule he makes no more than one leg ob a hlppopofmus. Fact! No more n one leg.'" At the . close of ' the preacher's ao- count Of the carnivorous nature and in satiable appetite of the hippopotamus an animal that has lived upon the natives of Africa from time Immemorial, dis playing an especial fondness for babies it was decided by resolution that the business of training young children not to loaf around the bayous should become at once a branch of domestic science in every household. NEW YORK PAYS DR. COOK BILL, i Engrroaslns; of Resolutions Costs City 275. New York Times. The Alderman voted to pay the $275 for the engrossing of the resolutions presented by them to Dr. Frederick A. Cook on his return from Copenhagen. Alderman Johnson, the Fusion leader, protested that $50 is the usual price for engrossing such resolutions. "I can't see why the- bill is so large." said he, "unless it includes the cost of the 'key to the city' which you In your wisdom gave to Cook." Alderman Dowling, "the Tammany leader, who Introduced the resolution calling for the honoring of Cook by the board, replied: "If Cook buncoed ,us, he also buncoed the King of Denmark," said he. "so he didn't do anything great by gold-brlck-lng us. I don't know whether he dis covered the Pole or not. It was. said that he did, and we passed a resolu tion giving him a set of engrossed resolutions. The cost to us of our ex perience is not to be compared with what it cost the King to pay for the luncheon he gave Cook." "Why would not this be a good time to resurrect the resolution I Introduced before this board some time ago call ing for our recognition of Lieutenant Peary as the real discoverer of the Pole?" asked Alderman Drescher, of Brownsville. He was suppressed and Alderman Walsh, Tammany, who .de livered the oration at the reception tendered to Cook, arose. "There was no question when Cook got back here," said he. "but that the majority of the people believed he had reached the Pole. What more evidence has Peary presented than Cook did? You can pay your money and take your choice. I notice that they are very sklttish in Washington about officially recognizing Peary." Making: New Bosses. Dalles Optimist. The dread of "the bosses" by the re formers of Oregon can be seen in the law proposed by U'Ren for a new form of government for Oregon, whereby all of the county officials, practically all of the officials of the state, would be ap pointed by one man. Of course he would not be,a boss. Bosses are only the prod uct of a "machine," and no one would suspect a reformer of building up a ma chine. Mr. Bourne, for instance, is not a boss, has no machine, and he would be a splendid man to appoint the officials for all Oregon. What a day It would be for the U'Rens. the Schnabels, the Davles and the Hofers if Bourne could get firmly seated In the saddle as the giver out of all the Oregon political plums! For a Bolter From the Primary. Seattle Argus. It Is announced that A. V. Bouillon may be a candidate for the1 City Council at the first election under the new law. which provides for the election of nine Council-m-en-at-large. This will be a welcome bit of news to hundreda of Republicans who supported Bouillon recently at the pri maries, and would like to express their opinion of the attitude which he took after the party to. which he claimed to belong had declared against his candi dacy. Socialism In Milwaukee. New York Independent. The Catholic Church condemns Social ism. ' The strongest Catholic ward in Milwaukee is the Fourteenth, wher-four-fifths-of the voters are Polish Catholics. The ward was carried by the Socialist candidate for Mayor, although the Demo cratic candidate was a Catholic. Query: Are they good Catholics? Are they counted as Catholics In the census which gives that church 14,000,000 members? I LIFE'S SUNNY SIDE (V l Wendell Phillips, according to the recent biography by Dr. Lorenzo Sears, was, on one occasion, lecturing in Ohio, and while on a railroad Journey, going to keep one of his appointments, he met in the car a crowd of clergy, returning from some sort of convention. Oir of the ministers felt called upon to approach Mr. Phillips, and asked him: "Are you Mr. Phillips?" "I am, sir." "Are you trying to free the niggers?" "Yes, sir; J am an abolitionist." "Well, why do you preach your doctrines up here? Why don't you go over Into Kentucky?" "Excuse me, are you a preacher?" "I am, sir. "Are you trying to save souls from hell?" "Yes, sir; that's my business." "Well, why don't you go there?" The assailant hurried into the smoker amid a roar of unsanctioned laugh.' ter. Catholic Columbian. . ' H. G. Wells, the novelist, tells a story of a gentleman next to whom he once sat at a public dinner.,.. The con- . versation had turned upon one of his 'own books and Mr. Wells had said something to the effect that "were there no self-seekers the world would -be a very Utopia." This neighbor promptly observed, "I maintain that all . water used for drinking and culinary purposes should be boiled at least an hour." "You are a physician, I pre sume?" suggested the novelist. "No, sir," was the unexpected reply, "I am in the coal line." London Standard. In a railroad office In West Phila delphia there is an old and trusted clerk of Celtic extraction, who keeps his associates in a constant state of good humor by an unending series of witticisms, interspersed occasionally with "bulls" so glaring that even he himself has to Join in the laugh that invariably follows such a "break" on his part. There was some trouble on the tele phone one day recently, and Mike, aa he Is called among his friends, lost much of his usual good nature In his efforts to get the gist of a message that was being sent from another of fice. The man on the ether end of the wire finally became exasperated and asked Mike if he was losing his hearing. "I can hear you all right until you begin to talk said Mike, "and then I can't understand a word you say." Philadelphia Times. s a A friend of the late Father Tabb said in Ellicott City: "This fine poet and good man thought that class hatred was due to ignorance that the rich knew too lit tle of the poor, and vice versa. "He once Illustrated this ignorance with the story of a Methodist bishop's wife who addressed a meeting of slum housewives on their home duties. The address made the home life seem all very fine and ideal, but one housewife voiced the opinion of the rest, perhaps, when she said to her neighbor, with a sniff: 'She's all right as far as goes; but what I'd like to ask her Is this: What does she do when her old bishop comes home pay night with his envelope emp ty and a fightln' Jag on?" " Minne apolis Journal. Vv Representative Nye, of Minnesota, has much - of the wit of his lamented brother. Bill Nye. Himself a lawyer, Representative Nye said at a lawyer's banquet In Minneapolis: "Lawyers have grand reputations for energy and perseverance. A lad said to his father one day: "'Father, do lawyers tell the truth?" " 'Yes. my boy," the father answered. 'Lawyers will do anything to win a case.' " St. Louis Globe Democrat. In Mayor Gaynor's early days on the bench a prisoner's counsel said. In the course of his speech: "Medical wit nesses will testify that my unfortunate client Is suffering from . kleptomania, and. your honor, you know what that Is?'? "Yes," said Judge Gaynor, "I do. It Is a disease the people pay me to cure." Chicago News. Denver Boy an Inventor. Denver News. L. H. Le Claire, a Denver boy, who has attracted considerable attention as a result of writing a play called "The Dream," has added additional laurels to his achievements by inventing a cattle-branding Iron which promises to revolutionize the methods of branding stock. Le Claire is hardly of legal age, yet his patent is declared to be a big im provement over anything of the kind on the market. It operates with a ben zine flame, with a forced draft from a pair of bellows, and is said to be a humane machine for branding cattle. Le Cicire lives at 224S Stuart street. He will appear on the bill at a local theater shortly In his own playlet and during the performance he will intro duce his patent. Chicago University Aeroplane Club. Chicago Examiner. The University Aeroplane Club, of the University of Chicago, was formally or ganized by 15 or 20 enthusiasts in Cobb Hall Wednesday. This will be followed by the planning and construction of a heavler-than-air machine. Professor Al bert A. Mlchelson, instructor in physics, will co-operate with the students. He denies he will be a passenger on the maiden voyage. Harold Kayton Is among the most enthusiastic students. Among the possibilities is the purchase of an aeroplane. This gives the University of Chicago precedence over other Western Institutions in aeronautical investigation. Garnering the Gratitude. New York Tribune. When it is all over it. is a safe guess that the people' will feel grateful to the Republican party for the house cleaning. ; S ROOSEVELT ABROAD. John H. Cradlebe-ugh in Sugeas Register. All is quiet on the Congo. And the rhino and the bongo Wish that Ted had left them long 'go. And rejoice that he is gone. Now Ihe siatungas ramble And the Jungle "kldlets" gambol On the7 verdant Afrlc lawn. Now the Khedive in his harem. Just to "Josh" his wives and scare "em, ,Sounds the terrible alarm: "Ted will gt you If you do:" Then their sandals swiftly patter As the ladles shriek and scatter. For it is no laughing matter Not this Yankee bug-a-boo. Now the Pope Is made uneasy And tho Methodists are wheezy. Cause "the strenuous and breezy" Uldn't visit each one first. But our Ted Just lets them squirm it While both he and sonny Kermit Just damphoollshneas, they term it. And they don't know which is worst. Every peasant says a "Pater," While Mt. Etna plugs its crater. For It's clearly ag'ln "Nater" That a Mt should autdo Ted. While he's fete-lng arid is routing And the populace le shouting. The mountain stops Its spouting And crawls in its la-a bed. Now King Edward's limbs are quaking And the, Kaiser he's a-shaklng. And the kinglets are all aching. And the whole politely vexed; For he's worse than a volcano. Is this mighty hunter Bw-ano. And neither he nor they know What the devil he'll do next. Even here at home they fear him, 'Cause the bosses cannot steer him. So they're trying hard to queer him; But he's bad as Banquo's ghost. Though he's strenuous and ripping. Still by holding hard and gripping. We can keep this side from tipping When he hits the Eastern coast. i f