Morning Oregonian., January 30, 1908, Page 8, Image 8

8
THE MOItXIXG OREGONTAX. THURSDAY, JANUARY SO, 1905.
I
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bally, without Sunday, one year J
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Dally, without Sunday, three months. . 1-75
Daily, without Sunday, one month 0
Sunday, on year 2-50
Weekly, one year (Issued Thursday)... J-JO
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PORTLAND, THURSDAY. JAN. 80, 1908.
ELIMINATION OF PARTY.
If the primary law has "busted up"
the Republican party of Oregon,
doubtless our Democratic brethren
are Justified, from telr standpoint,
In deeming It for this reason "just the
thing." But their organs needn't la
ment, hypocritically, the fate of the
Republican party. Nor need they
suppose their own party, if It be
comes the majority party of the state,
will be immune from the plastic ac
tion and power of the primary law.
Perhaps It is best now that the Re
publican j arty should be put out of
business, and later the Democratic.
You see, In the majority party, or in
the party that supposes itself a major-.
Ity, there always will be many candi
dates striving for nominations for the
leading offices. The candidate for
euch places, then, will always be nom
inated by a small i .ority vote.
Then the friends of the others will
not vote for him, but will vote for the
candidate of the opposite party, in or
der to "get even."
But no matter, except this: No
party principle can be maintained on
such basis. Without present Interest
in one party or another. The Orego
n lan makes this statement, merely to
ehow what the primary law does, has
done and will do. Since we are to
take leave of political parties as a
means of accomplishing results, let
us have no delusions about it Many
of our esteemed fellow-citizens think
there should be no parties. Indeed
the opinion seems to be very general,
end The Oregonlan bows to it. Here
is the, main reason why it has with
drawn as a party advocate, and goes
It alone, as others do.
There are many who welcome the
primary law, just because It breaks
up party and makes efficient party or
ganization, impossible. Hitherto it
has been thought necessary that the
men whom the electors are called to
vote for should be attached to a prin
ciple or purpose of government, or
, opposed to some principle or purpose
of Important nature advocated by
others. Yet undor the law of primary
nominations all these motives are lost
in the personal scramble for the of
fices. But when it breaks up parties
it has the advantage of casting oft
leadership and of breaking up boss
Ism, by teaching all men to refuse to
follow what otaer men begin. Yet
The Oregonian advises nobody to
worry about it. "No party" is the
thought of the present time. Yet it
shows the force of habit when thou
sands continue to register as Repub
licans who have no intention of vot
ing the so-called Republican ticket.
OUR BANK CURRENCY FOLLY.
The capital error of all our finance
is that the fiat or law of government
can create money. For Treasury
notes or bank notes are not money,
but only promises to pay money. So
long as confidence exists that money
may be had for them they will do the
office of money; but our flatists, of
whose notions Mr. Bryan these last
ten years has been the chief expo
nent, cannot get out of their heads
the belief, or impression, that they
are money Itself.
Hence Mr. Bryan tells the country
that he would not have "mortey" is
sued from banks or by the banks, but
by the Government Itself. -
Bank note Issues should be regu
lated under general law; but If they
are to be based on Government bonds
they will have no flexibility. Na
tional bank notes now have this char
acter, and there are no conditions for
the expansion or contraction of their
volume, to meet changing require
ments. More notes issued on security of
Government bonds will simply mean
the exportation to foreign countries
of the gold which the bonds repre
sent. The currency notes which stand
on the bonds will be used for further
speculation in our own country, and
will stimulate that speculation to a
higher danger point again; then in the
emergency sure to follow they will be
locked up in the banks to protect
credit and, bidden away In private
hoards. It is the most Irrational of
all existing or imaginary ' systems.
The root of the error is in the notion
that government can make values by
issues of notej without providing
means for their redemption on de
mand. The neeH is a currency with which
business may be done through a bank
system, based on mercantile credits;
that is, on bills exchangeable for mar
ketable commodities, which have be
hind them sure values realizable at
once in the exchanges of the world.
This is practical and legitimate bank
ing. It ought to' be done through a
central bank and its branches', the
stock owned mainly by Individuals,
but partly by the (government, with
the whole under close Government su
pervision. To provide that the
amount of notes shall be prescribed
by Congress, as Mr. Bryrn suggests, is
absurd. Congress could not know,
even wereit wise, what the amount
should be, or to what extent expand
ed or contracted. That can only be
done through those in close touch
with the business world; yet the Gov
ernment should have and exercise t
all times a close supervisory power.
But our country has not had experi
ence enough with adversity, yet, to
cause it to adopt a rational and sci
entific banking system'. It will fool
with the existing makeshift system
for a further indefinite time a sys
tem that will breed panics and fail
ures at varying Intervals, so long as it
shall exist.
NAY, KAY.
' Lot your conversation be Yea,. Yea,
and Nay, Nay. When you are deal
ing with propositions of initiative and
referendum, presented on the ballot
this year, let your conversation be
Nay, Nay. What is more than this
cometh of evil.
It is a method for presentation of
every whimsical device or shallow ob
jection, by those who are at war with
history, experience, legislation. Juris
prudence, economic science and de
liberative or representative govern
ment. It seems that all the. boasted wis
dom of our ancestors, all they have
ever done, all the experience concen
trated in the work of making the old
Constitution of Oregon,' and all the
functions hitherto directed under or
authorized by it, all are to be super
seded and set aside and exploded as
an antiquated and useless fashion, by
substitution of meditations ,and dis
coveries evolved In the leisure hours
and lucid intervals of Citizen TTRen.
So perhaps the elector's mark on
the ballot, down the whole tedious
line, would better be Nay, Nay. Cer
tainly it will do to think of. Per
haps our ancestors were not such
sophisters and fools as we are apt to
suppose.
REAPPEARANCE OF HOARDED MONEY.
According to the figures presented
to the United States Tenate "by Secre
tary Cortelyou, one-tenth of the
money of the country went Into hid
ing while the recent panic was on.
At the rate In which it is again pour
ing into the channels of trade, it Is
apparently nearly all in circulation
again. The New York bank state
ment, last Saturday, showed such a
heavy, increase in reserves that finan
ciers are already beginning to predict
gold exports unless this surplus can
find remunerative employment. These
conditions show a remarkably speedy
recovery from the recent trouble.
The reappearance, where it can be
counted, of vast sums of money, tem
porarily scared into Hiding, and the
added fact that general trade con
ditions were not seriously, disarranged
by the upheaval, augurs well for a
speedy and complete recovery, a fea
ture that was missing from some pre
vious affairs of a similar nature.
In the recent panic, the outcome
could not be successfully told from
the past, for the reason that it was
brought on by conditions radically
different from any of its predecessors.
There is no doubt over the mainten
ance ' now of the ' gold standard, as
there was in 1893. Money is sound
and there Is plenty of it not enough
for any such wild and reckless specu
lation, as Wall street had been Indulg
ing in for months before the crash
came, but sufficient to meet the legiti
mate demands of trade. The San
Francisco earthquake, the Boer War
and the Japanese War wiped out of
existence an enormous amount of
real property, but the Wall street up
heaval did not destroy real tangible
values . or real tangible property.
There was as much money and as
much good property in the country
the day after the storm broke as there
was the preceding day.
Under such conditions, reconstruc
tion of property or values was unnecessary-.
All that was needed was
readjustment which would again res
cue capital from its speculative en
tanglements and bring it back to its
legitimate functions. It Is now ap
pearing, and trailing in will come
other industrial factors which were
temporarily halted pending the read
justment. Idle cars and idle factories
have apparently reached the maxi
mum, and, from now on, they will be
steadily leaving the sidetracks to sup
ply facilities for moving the traffic
which was arrested through fear of
consequences. The upward move
ment will be slow and cautious, but it
has begun, and it will continue, and
not only will normal conditions soon
be restored, but a decided gain will
be noted before the year grows old.
LOCAL INSURANCE COMPANIES.
As the ominous shadow of Mr.
Hughes looms larger and larger In
the Presidential sky, portending woe
and destruction to the vultures of
high finance, a notable change ap
pears in the language of the New
York Democratic trust organs when
they speak of .him. Erstwhile he was
Infallible. He couluk do no wrong.
All his words were golden and all his
deeds were wise. . But now things are
different. The New York Times has
discovered that even the lnsuranee
legislation which Mr. Hughes in
spired is extremely fallible.
Relying on a report of the ineffa
ble Kelsey, whom Governor Hughes
sought to remove from office for in
competence, the Times bewails the
sad discovery that the great New
York insurance companies are losing
business. The falling off is large and
it seems to be progressive. Of course
it must be attributed to the investiga
tions which disclosed the rottenness
of the companies. But Mr. Hughes
conducted the investl3ations and
therefore he, as well as Mr. Roosevelt,
falls under the awful charge of "in
juring business." The business which
ho has injured is a form of plunder.
but that makes no difference. All
business looks alike to the Times and
Dr. Day.
The insurance which the New York
companies have lost has been gained
by . numerous small companies ' that
have been organized throughout the
country within the last few years.
The huge financial interests are la
boring to stigmatize these local com
panies as "wildcat," but there is no
sound reason why they should not be
as reliable as the big ones In New
York. The principles of honest life
insurance are easily understood and
the business is. as safe as any other
when it is conducted according to the
rules.
For the general welfare of the
country it is much better that life in
surance should be carried by local
companies. The New York 'concerns
have been one of the principal fac
tors In draining the wealth of the Na
tion into the coffers of the metropoli
tan financiers, at the same time de
pleting the resources of local banks.
Moreover, their huge accumulations
have been at the disposal of bucca
neers of the Rryan and Harriman
type and have been used with utter
unscrupulousness in raids upon the
prosperity of the country. The money
belonging to the policy-holders, has
been used for wholesale robbery in all
departments of commerce. If Mr.
Hughes' insurance legislation has "in
jured" this species of "business," it
counts as one more reason why he
would be likely to make a useful
President.
A SHOWEB OF BUBSSTNGS.
In the course of his remarks at the
First Congregational Church Mr.
Heney made much of the almost
miraculous good fortune .which Mr.
J. S. Smith, of Linn County, met with
at the legislative session in 1897.
Some of Mr. Heney's hearers may
have thought that Mr. Smith was ex
ceptionally blessed In his worldly
store at that time, but the truth is
far otherwise. Many persons shared
in the loaves and fishes.
Among others who benefited by this
remarkable manifestation of grace
was an aged laborer in the Lord's
vineyard from one of the Upper Wil
lamette counties. For many years he
had toiled, bearing the burden and
heat of the day, with but slender
earthly reward to show for It, though
of course he had unlimited treasures
laid up in heaven. He lived in an old
tumble-down shanty; his farm was a
scandal. Hhe thorn overtopped his
garden wall and the wild briar smoth
ered his cabbages. Finally he was
elected to the hold-up Legislature.
Mysterious are the ways of Provi
dence. Who' would have anticipated
that the same fortune which enriched
the store of Mr. Smith would transmit
a like blessing to this venerable saint?
But thus It was. When he returned
from the abortive legislative session
to his humble home the work of
grace straightway became manifest.
He rebuilt his old house. He cleared
and fenced his farm. He purchased
a shorthorn bull and an opulent herd
of Berkshire swine. His wife had a
new dress for the first time since their
wedding.
Who shall say that the bounty of
the railroad was not put to good use
in thus mitigating the earthly lot of
this reverend servant of the Lord?
In his own mind there was no doubt
of it. At a prayer meeting soon af
ter his return from Salem he prayed
in this wise with fervor and unction:
"Lord bless Senator Mitchell. May
the fount of generosity in his heart
never run dry."
.
HX-03IENED WEDDtJfGS. '
When a wedding like ttiat of Gladys
Vanderbilt to Count Szechenyl takes
place one is always tempted to com
pose a homily on the sinfulness of
vanity selling itself to greed. But i- is
well to resist the temptation. Such
homilies do no good. Vanity will con-'
tinue to sell itself to gr -d, no matter
how much we may preach against it.
Greed beautified by a title and coro
net is too much for the common sense
of American women. It has always.
found them easy victims, and very
likely it always will. lthough it is
reasonably certain that within a few
months Gladys will come weeping and
wailing. back home despoiled of her
millions, her youthful enthusiasm for
titles, and. her confidence that life
among the European nobility Is one
long dream of splendid happiness,
nevertheless she is the nvy of all her
countrywoman. In spite of the inevit
able divorce suit threatening on the
horizon, every one of the women who
thronged Fifth avenue to catch a
beatific glimpse of the bride and
groom was consumed with envy. It
is envy alone which stimulates the
sordid curiosity of the "-based hang-ers-ln
at aristocratic weddings.
These throngs are composed mainly
of women. It is to the women of this
country rather than to the men that
the decadent pomp of European feu
dalism makes its appeal. The thin
scale of splendor which hides the pu
trescence of a dead social system
overpowers the imagination of the fe
male millionaire and lures her fatally
to her destruction. Europe is in the
way to slough off its feudal nobilities
as every developing organism sloughs
useless members; but to our rich
young women the aborted aristocracy
presents an irresistible charm. To be
received into the bosom of European
feudalism seems to them worth the
sacrifice of youth, beauty and happi
ness. They know well that such is the
price which must b9 paid for the
privilege, yet none of them ever hesi
tates to purchase a titled husband
when the opportunity offers. It is
admitted that these marriages are
simply mercantile . transactions. The
fact is openly paraded. The groom
sells his withered body and "j shriv
eled title for the bride's millions.
She gets to boot disease, abuse and,
from the . sordid clique that she
crowds her way into, contempt; but
no matter. In due season back she
comes with her decree of divorce and
her coronet, and her envious friends
declare that she has attali-ed the
acme of woman's legitimate ambition.
These uncanny unions seldom produce
children. The benevolent providence
of God makes them for the most part
sterile. But when they are fertile,
queer compounds must the offspring
be; an unnatural mingling of new
world greed and hoggishness with old
world cruelty and feudal vanity.' In
the course of 'the next few years a
number of these misbegotten -creatures
will begin to disport themselves
on the stage of European society, and
it stands to reason that they will do
things to make the country of their
mother blush. Their mother herself
will not blush, of course. She lost
that power before she could have
made her marriage..
Count Szechenyl has a little money
in his own right, it is said. He is not
absolutely impecunlo' s like most of
the European n bles who take Amer
ican wives, according to the' reports;
although most probably the story that
he possesses two millions is - false.
The truth Is that a European noble
will not marry a- American heiress
unless he is driven to it by dire pov
erty. Decayed though he be in soul,
body and fortune, nevertheless he es
teems it a lowering of himself to
marry a baseborn American girl; and
in the eyes of a Hungarian Count even
a Vanderbilt is baseborn. Gladys will
learn how true, this Is before she has
lived long in her nev surroundings.
Still, all these considerations are com
paratively futile. ' Fools will be fools
and it is vain to- preach to them. But
there is an economic aspect of th se
mismated unions which ought not to
be overlooked. Gladys takes with her
to Europe the income of J12.000.000
which must be earned by American
workmen. She has, of course, no in
terest whatever in the way this in
come is produced. All that she cares
for "is the money. - The standard of
living among her laborers, their
morals, education, family life, all that
makes them human beings, or terrds
to imbrute them, is to her a matter of
Indifference. So it Is with all our
owners of capital who reside perma
nently abroad. Their number has
now become so large and their posses
sions so enormous as to make a sen
sible difference in the relations be
tween capital and labor in America.
If things go on as they have been
going, we shall develop In this coun
try a problem of .foreign1 landlordism
not less serious than that of Ireland.
Most of our idle millionaires live more
In Europe than at home. Their ten
dency 1 to make of the United States
merely a place for exploitation. The
proceeds are spent in other countries.
It is among the possibilities that we
shall ultimately become a Nation, of
laborers toiling to pay the expenses of
our owners and masters at European
capitals unless ' we do something to
prevent it. But what can we do?
All roads lead to Portland. It is
announced that the Canadian Pacific
will run through trains between St.
Paul and Portland, via Spokane. ' The
use by this road of a portion of the
track of a competing line may be
less satisfactory than to have it enter
the city over Its own rails, ,but, if the
service shall be given us, there will be
but little complaint over the manner
in which It la accomplished. One or
two, or six. Including real and imag
inary railroads, are now headed across
the country for Puget Sound, but by
the time the trains are running into
Seattle and Tacoma over the new
lines, the management will have per
fected trackage or. traffic agreements
with the roads now here by which
Portland will be, to all intents and
purposes, the Pacific termini for the
roads, even though their own tracks
end on Puget Sound.
The accident bulletin of the Inter
state Commerce Commission for July,
August -and September, 1907, shows
that during those three months 1339
persons were killed in railroad cas
ualties, of all kinds and 23,063 were
injured. This is about the number
of deaths and wounds that would oc
cur in the same length of time to a
modern army of the first magnitude
engaged in active warfare. Perhaps,
considering by whom and how our
railroads are managed, we ought to
be thankful that they are not more
destructive to life than a hostile army
would be.
California has a record-breaking
crop of citrus fruits, but is far short
in the crop of tourists which in some
portions of the state produce much
heavier revenues than are derived
from anything grown on California"
soil. Portland never secured anything
of consequence out of the tourist
trade that annually crosses the con
tinent to Winter on the Pacific Coast,
but we have other resources in such
wholesale quantities that it has not
been missed.
It cost Gladys $15,000,000 to get
the Count. This Is something more
than Anna Gould pai for the titled
guttersnipe .whom she purchased a
few years ago, but it cost her so
much more to get rid of him that the
sum total cannot be far from that
invested by the Vanderbilt female in
her foreign curio. It is still too early
to make accurate estimates of the
cost that will be incurred in getting
rid of Szechenyl, but it will not be
light. ' "
Italy is endeavoring to discourage
emigration to this country by issuing
notices to her subjects calling atten
tion to the Industrial depression here
and the difficulty in securing employ
ment. As yet no effort is being made
by the Italian or any other foreign
government to retain the penniless
nobility that comes over to America
to angle for heiresses with a title
baited hook.
Oregon will elect one Supreme
Judge next June and If the people
should -Increase the number of Judges
by constitutional amendment at that
time, will elect two more judges next
November. The candidates may In
form the voters if they will set aside
the jury verdict in the Ross bank
prosecutions.
Multnomah County's tax roll will
produce more than $3,300,000. Viewed
from a per capita standpoint, it
would seem that the figures justify a
population a few hundred thousand
greater than is now in evidence.
The way of the transgressor Is hard
in some states. A Montana cattle
baron has just been fined $400 and
sentenced to one day in Jail for fenc
ing in a few thousand acres of Gov
ernment land.
Decreased traffic following the
panic has served to change the atti
tude of transcontinental lines toward
Pacific Coast lumber interests. Rail
road presidents seem willing now to
"arbitrate."-
How Is the - committee to pass on
Schuebel's qualifications without a
civil service board or some other ex
amining body? . .. .
Our energetic fellow-citizen, M. O.
Lownsdale, is preparing to earn the
new title .of orchard revivalist.
PACIFIC CRUISE OF OUR FLEET
English Critic Hopes That Future Race
Hatred Won't Be Scattered.
Fortnightly Review of London.
The American battle fleet has. departed
upon its voyage of 14.000 miles from
Hampton Roads fo San Francisco. The
voyage Is expected to . last 140 days, and
the fleet Is expected to reach San Fran
cisco by the beginning of May, which will
be convenient for the purposes of the Rev
publican party In next year's Presidential
campaign. T-he press enthusiasm, mean
while, is indescribable. Even so admir
able a Journalist as Frederick Palmer,
whose work In the Manchurian campaign
was unsurpassed for blended brilliancy
and Judgment, tells us: "If we fire one
quarter as well in conflict as we do In
target practice, any enemy must be put
out of action in 15 minutes." Language
like this leaves Japan tense and patient.
Thoughtful Americans will readily be
lieve that we are not actuated, by the
envy and alarm this, country is apparently
supposed to feel when we say that the
tones of triumph over Japan with which
the sailing of the American fleet has been
accompanied have been painful to brave
men In all countries. Comment upon
some features of American psychology Is
useless. For at least three generations
now the people of the United States .have
vaunted themselves with unparalleled vig
or; but the odd thing is that- they have
always hitherto justified most -of their
vaunts. Time has not spoken the last
word. That the Japanese are more will
ing to die than any white man remains
true; equally true that the Japanese
waste no strength In words, but devote
themselves behind the screen of their
conventional politeness to a sober, som
ber, desperate persistency of thought and
preparation. The American press is not
well advised in scattering the seeds of
future hatred with bo liberal a hand. Jf
the people of the United States ever set
themselves to defeat Japan they will per
haps do it in tuc cnri. but they will have
a ghastly awakening in n.c interval.
As practice for the American Navy the
Pacific cruise Is legitimate and invaluable.
There Is. of course, no present danger
of war. But It will be always in the
power of the Japanese fleet to compel the'
United States, if trouble should ever
come, to fight' on the Asiatic side of the
Pacific. The Japanese, Instead of rush
ing toward the decisive shock at once,
would play a waiting game until they had
secured by hook or by crook something
like a desperate moment of opportunity.
And although Japan is told that she Is
hopelessly beaten in respect of ships, guns
and money, she knows that many other
things count in the great game; and If the
hour ever strikes, which heaven forbid,
she will have from the first that supreme
sense of fighting for life which America
would not have till later. The result of
the Pacific voyage, however, will lead
beyond all doubt to another great effort
of naval expansion. It is quite possible,
and it Is Indeed very probable, that both
America and Germany at the end of an
other decade will be. spending upon their
fleets as much as we are now spending
unon the British Navy. To maintain the
two power standard, we repeat, will ul
timately force upon us the most stupen
dous sacrifices ever made by a people
and from that certainty -there must be
no shrinking.
Senator Ankeny's Race With Jones.
Washington (D. C.) Herald.
Senator Ankeny, of Washington, is
candidate for re-election. Representative
Jones, of Washington, is a candidate
against him. If one sees an opportunity
to be useful to his beloved state in sug
gesting public improvements or appro
priations, he moves cautiously to tTie ac
complishment of his purpose, lest me
other "beat him to It," as they say out
West.
It had been a neck and neck race until
Senator Ankeny came to the senate early
one morning, and nervously awaited the
order of business, which was the intro
duction of resolutions. Then he rose and,
with a look of gleaming triumph in his
eye, he presented a resolution asking the
Secretary of the Navy to Inform the Sen
ate whether It was practicable to place
three submarine torpedo boats on the
Washington Coast as a means of National
defense, and as to the probable "cost of
the same. Then he rushed out Into the
lobby to greet his private secretary, Ar
thur Statter. -
"I guess that will hold Jones for
awhile," remarked the Senator, with a
look of exultation. But Statter was weep
ing. "It is no use," Statter sobbed. "That
man Jones didn't even wait for Informa
tion; be has introduced a bill this day,
appropriating J5.000.000 for five torpedo
boats for the Washington Coast, which
goes us two better.'
Governor Fort to Loom Up In 1912.
Boston Transcript.
Governor Franklin Fort now occupies
the Executive chair of New Jersey, hav
ing delivered his Inaugural, In- which
progress and reform were foreshadowed.
Large expectations of his administration
have been formed. He iff remembered by
middle-aged citizens as a barefoot boy of
Pemberton, In that state and among his
youthful distinctions was that of being
the fastest skater on the Rancoeas. His
opportunity at this time of more or less
transition in New Jersey politics Is large
and already he is beginning to be talked
of as a National figure. An old preacher
of his family, many years ago. predicted
that from the old farm would come a
President of the United States. To fulfil
that prophecy he must come in the
present generation, because the old farm,
after being in the family for 150 years, has
now passed into other hands. But it will
be time enough to talk about that In 1912.
NeiT York, Center of Jewry.
American Hebrew.
More and more New York City is be
ginning to be the center of attraction for
all that Is most distinguished in the Jewry
of the world. It seems to be an unwritten
law that at one time In - his life every
distinguished Jew should pay a visit to
New York- In addition to these, many
foreigners of distinction who have shown
an Interest In Jewish affairs, like M.
Leroy-Beaulieu or Professor Mllyoukov,
visit these shores from time to time, so
that without leaving New York most of
tn can have an opportunity of seeing and
hearing most of those who are helping
to shape the history of Jews and Juda
ism In the present day. Under these cir
cumstances It is very unfortunate that
there is no specific body in existence
among the Jews of New York who can
afford such visitors hospitality when they
come among us.
How the Forelgmer Fays the Tax.
Chicago Journal.
One reason why people are demanding
revision of the tariff so Insistently may
be found In figures that have Just come to
light in Chicago regarding a recent trans
action of the United States Steel Corpora
tion. The steel trust sold some sheet
steel bars to manufacturers in Wales at
J21.90 a ton. Freight from the United
States was $4.10 a ton, which was paid by
turers, here at home, with no freight to
be paid, tor less than $29 a ton. Thus
Americans have to pay J7.10 a ton more
for American-made sheet steel bars than
their foreign competitors.
"Women Are liars" J. Ibm Lewis.
Louisville Courier-Journal. f
J. Ham, he says all women are
But there!
In writing It I'd go too far; i
I'd never dare.
You'd better be like me, a clam,
J. Ham.
J. Ham. he says that dames and truth
But pshaw!
J. Ham had better hold, forsooth.
His wagging Jaw.
Some day you'll get a dreadful slam,
J. Ham.
GOV. HUGHES SERVED PUNCH.
Donht'as'to Its Ingredients, but They
Were KxhUnratlnK.
Boston Transcript.
The people who wonder how Governor
Hughes stands on the question of his
nomination for the Presidency must be
more puzzled than ever since his recep-
tton at the executive mansion Wednesday
night. He aeema to reck none of the j
usual 'signs and warnings. Even the j
Indianapolis cocktail incident has ap
parently made only a slight impression
upon 'him. . There werer two punch bowls
in service at this function, according to
the society reporter One contained the
Innocuous lemonade, but as yet there has
been no unanimous verdict as to what
the other did contain. There was claret
and something else. It was this some
thing else that supplied the mystery.
Experts of the sideboard went again
and again to test it. to gratify their
curiosity and satisfy their thirst, with
tactics like those of Mr. Pickwick and
Den Allen, on their "famous ride to Birm
ingham, when Bob Sawyer from the roof
of the post chaise,' in which they were
traveling, dangled before them a case
bottle. "It looks like milk punch," said
Mr. Pickwick. "It tastes like milk
punch," and his companion agreed with
him. "It would serve him right if we
drank the whole of it." said Mr. Pick
wick, and this they proceeded to do.
But the Governor's guests, after getting
a view of the angel's face at the bot
tom, were still in doubt as. to the in
gredients. The best they could do was
to give the brand a name, and they paid
it the compliment of calling . it the
"Hughes hummer," which indicated that
it recalled traditional features and as
soclations.of the social concoction. Very
likely the Governor saw no occasion to
violate precedent In ministering to the
comfort of his guests, nor give them a
chance to say, as did Secretary Bvarts
after one of the White House dinners
during the Hayes regime: "Water flowed
like champagne." .
CONDEMNS RESTAURANT TIPS.
Objects to Paying Two Chances for
Every Meal One Eata,
Letter in New York Evening Post.
The tipping practice has come to be an
Insufferable imposition. If it were re
stricted.to those who are able and willing
to pay twice for a meal it would not be
so bad, but waiters have become so
greedy and shameless that they allow no
distinction between man or woman who
wears expensive clothes and those whose
plain attire shows that .they belong to the
humbler class of wage-earners. All are
expected to contribute more or less lib
erally, or be treated with Indifference and
neglect. If not with absolute Insult:
There are probably 50,000 worklngmen
and women In New York, at a conserva
tive estimate, who. either from conveni
ence or necessity, take their meals at res
taurants. It is my misfortune to be one
of these unfortunates. A little experi
ence that I had the other day in a down
town restaurant is typical of many that I
could relate concerning myself or others
whom I know.
After I had finished my dinner I took
down my overcoat, and. the waiter who
had served me stepped up briskly and as
sisted me to put It on. I thanked
him politely. "That is a very cheap kind
of. pay." he retorted. I asked him If he
thought It was a manly, proper thing to
accept tips from customers who were
obliged to work for their livelihood the
same as he had to himself. He replied
that "he had nothing more to say." I
told him he had said entirely too much
already, and he ought to be ashamed of
himself. He looked mad," but made
no further remark.
Living at restaurants is expensive
enough under the most favorable circum
stances. I don't demur to tipping a waiter
occasionally, but I simply cannot afford
to pay two charges for every meal that I
eat. It Is a wonder that there are 'not
more protests against the tipping evil.
Yea, PaderewaUKeeda the Money.
From the Minneapolis Tribune.
"1 find American audiences growing
more and more cordial toward me with
each returning visit," he said to the re
Dorter, "and 1 believe that your discrim
inating public is becoming more and more
appreciative of true art. That is about
all I have to say. Concert tours are very
trying on one's nerves, but, as you Ameri
cans say, I believe, 'I need the money."
Is it not so? Thank you very much."
And that ended the Interview.
Paderewski Is carrying a retinue of
servants with him, and seems to get
quite as much satisfaction from the adu
lation constantly showerea on mm.
He also carries a piano, figuratively
speaking, and keeps it busy whenever the
car stops and he Is not too tired' for re
hearsals.
Paderewski's manager was authority
for the statement that the great pianist's
Itinerary on the present tour la largely
dependent upon his whims. If he decides
that It would be a paying venture to
play In a certain town, not previously
Included in ms Itinerary, wnenever an
open date will permit, he gives an Im
promptu concert. As a rule, his extem
porary performances have proved finan
cially profitable.
Prepare for Lincoln Centenary.
Van, "Vrt-tr Timel
It was a happy idea, expressed by one
of our readers to Degin preparai-uua nnu
out delay for the appropriate celebration
of the Lincoln centenary. The 12th of
nArt month the 99th anniversary of the
biwh nf Ahraham Lincoln will be
observed. A year later there should be
such a National celebration in honor of
the memory of that great and well-beloved
man as will testify to the esteem in
rt.trth thai memnrv in hel-f bv the Whole
Nation, and also serve to strengthen our
National ties.
We suggested four years ago that the
nnIa with tha sanction of that
VWlJffi " - .
President should lay this matter before
body appoint a representative commission
to make arrangements for the occasion,
m nnthin? nan heen officially done
at Washington, D.- C, to prepare for a
celebration. In the State of Illinois,, we
believe, the centenary will be observed
in various appropriate ways. But the
National celebration should be in the Na
tional Capital. ,
A FEW SQClBfi.
c n hn. tin tank of swimming school,
anxiously) Oh. pa; I've swallowed some
water! Will they mina .' run.
"Mamma, have I got to take a bath to
ni.hti" "I'm afraid e'ou have, my dear.'
"But I haven't done anything all the week
to deserve it. llie.
"Did you see the Alps?" "Oh, yes. Our
car broke down right opposite then, and do
vrt know. I'm almost glad It did. I found
them so charming and Interesting." Puck.
' Lis Me bruddah says dat young fellar
wot calls on you travels in fast circles.
Tom Yoo bet he does. He takes da tickets
on do nterry-so-ruuwu. i.wiwb unur
News.
"Mamma!" "Yes, my child." "Did you
ever see Santa Claus?" "Oil, yes, my boy;
many times." "Was he in a sleigh with
reindeers, mamma?' 'No. my child: h
was in a trolley car, hanging on to a strap."
Yonkers Statesman.
philanthropic Lady You ought to ba
ashamed of yoursen to do ranKing run or a
smaller boy because he cries when the doc
tor hurts him. Did you never have your
own feelings lacerated? Smart Boy Yes.
mum, but It didn't took. Baltimore Ameri
can.
The Officeholder But why shouldn't I
work in the City Hall? The Citizen I am
told that it It in an unsanitary condition,
ann it will ruin your health. The Office-
bolder Well, where did you get the idea
that I was In the city Hau for my health?
Cleveland Leader.
practicing Preoccupied Person Six hun
dred an' eighty seven thousand nine hun
dred an' thirty-one, New York; ninety-seven
thousand six hun The Cop Hey, move
on. there! phwat ails yes. annyhow ? P. P.
Don't Interrupt, officer. In caee one of 'em
ever hits me I want to be able to got his
number Puck.
V E R SE
BY HARRY MURPHY. .
My Garden Mrs All Lowly.
"My garden lies all lowly:
I mourn my garden's lowly.
Its slender stems are. torn and tangled;
Its blossoms blithe are stained and man
gled.
My garden lies all lowly.
I weep my garden's lowly.
There roses fair once grew;
There scented air once blew.
But from the north come blight and blast
That o'er its tender beauties past
And left my garden lowly;
My garden gay left lowly.
Thin World Is All a Seeming;.
This world's a vain delusion;
It promises profusion '
Of bliss and Joy
A mere decoy! .
For woe's Its sure conclusion.
At dawn aglow is heaven:
The bark's for glory driven,
But O fond wretch!
. Your high hopes fetch
On rocks before the even.
When her you love you're granted.
This sphere is place enchanted
Until you find.
While love was blind.
You've been by friend supplanted.
IT In the bowl you'd borrow
Surcease from care and sorrow
This bright tonight
Will take Its flight
When dawns that dark tomorrow.'
This world is all a seeming.
That falsest Is when beaming
Benlgnest round
'Tls then is found
Awakening follows dreaming.
As Around I Look.
Void her favorite seat;
Droops her cherished flower;
Lone the path her feet
Traced hi twilight's hour.
'Mid the snowy folds
Is the needle's gleam.
Where its place it holds
In the half-sewn seam. 1
m
Open there her book;
Songs neglected lie
As around I look
In my heart I sigh.
Let's Away to Some Island.
Let's away to some Island
In a dim. distant clime,
'Mid whose brightness we'll wile and
Beguile fate and time;
Where each age as .a minute
Its course will flit by.
With never space in it
. For tear or for sigh.
In whose sacred dominions
Sweet zephyrs will flow '
From seraphim pinions
Above us aglow;
Where flower will never
Decay or decline
A spot that for ever
Will Summer enshrine.
No thought melancholy
Shall ever profane
That region made holy
By beauty's bright reign.
With all left behind us,
" Effaced and forgot, -
The Joys that there bind us
Shall claim every thought.
Flowers Droop and Skies Axe Darkllnjr.
Flowers droop and skies are darkling;
Shining gems have lost their ray;
Eyes are dim that erst were sparkling;
Ways are drear that erst were gay.
Mute the rouslo lips have spoken;
Stirred seem crystal depths with rain.
Gray the dawn when iiearts are broken;
Lilt of lark's athrlll with pain.
IN THE
Magazine Section
OF THE
SUNDAY
oregonian'
STRANGE LANGUAGE IN
PORTLANB; RESTAURANTS
And the waiters one sees and
hears, and the customers where
yon get a hearty meal for two bits ;
a satire and an appreciation by
Leone Cass Baef.
SOCIAL EXTRAVAGANCE
N THAT HAS RUN MAD.
Three "coming out" parties in
staid, sober Philadelphia that cost
more than $100,000 each, involving
wildest waste, of wealth on the
altar of fashion.
AS SHE LOOKED
BACK IN 1861,
Full page illustration in colors of
a modern Portland beauty, dressed
in the garb of her ; grandmother
when the war broke out. ,
AUTHORS OF THE MOST
POPULAR NOVELS.
Sketches and portraits of Ameri
can men and women who wrote
the "best sellers.'.' '
ENGLAND'S NEW TOWN
OF GALVANIZED IRON.
Frank G. Carpenter describes
Nairobi, in the very heart of Brit
ish East Africa, boomed like an
American city.
THE HOTEL CLERK ON
FOREIGN FRIENDS.
Irving S. Cobb, in his own style,
tells of sympathy Uncle Sam gets
from abroad when he is in trouble.
Excellent featnrcs and Depart
ments. -
Order Early From Your- Newsdealer.