THE arORXIXG- OREGOAIAX, FRIDAY, JANUARY 19, 1906.
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PORTLAND, FRIDAY. JANUARY 19. 190G.
TOOL OR ACCOMPLICE?
Senator Tillman's attack on the
President test Wednesday was ex
tremely bitter. Some of the epithets
ae used were such as Judicious his
torians would hesitate to apply to a
tyrant like Bomba, the infamous des
pot of Naples, or Louis XV. the most
degenerate and cruel of the French
Bourbons. He accused Mr. Roosevelt
of blockading San Domingo with the
United States fleet "in the Interest of
Shylocks and sharps"; of maintaining
in that unhappy island "a government
of cut-throats, assassins and liber
tines"; of defying the Senate of the
United States; of reducing the House
of Representatives to a hand of subser
vient slaves with "clanking chains"; of
hounding on the mercenary newspapers
to "threaten Congress"; of deceiving
the Nation about Panama affairs
through his "press agent. Joseph B.
Bishop"; and. last and worst, of failing
to punish the negro who followed "t
Mrs. Morris heels" while she was car
ried from the White House "like a bag
of salt." While recounting this final
outrage by the President upon his gen
tlemanly susceptibilities, which are
known to 'be excessively delicate, Mr.
Tillman wept.
Against charges like these, so malig
nant, bo intemperate and so vague, the
only proper answer is that demand for
full and candid investigation which Mr.
Roonevelt has made repeatedly and
which he reiterated almost as soon as
the Senator from South Carolina had
ended his hysterical tirade. It is use
less to deny what nobody believes; it
Is vain to reason against charges which
are absurd and false upon their face.
But regarding San Domingo it may be
well to recall the facts which led our
Government to support Morales and his
colleagues. Morales has proved tin-m-orthy
of that support; he was un
doubtedly a bad man and a bad ruler.
But when Mr. Roosevelt interfered -In
his -behalf he had shown none of his
detestable qualities. He was dc facto
ruler of Santo Domingo, and appeared
to be acting for the best interest of his
people. The island was deeply Indebt
ed to European nations and had no
means to pay with. "At Jeast two for
eign nations were on the point" of
sending fleets to collect their bills by
force. One nation. Germany, had de
termined to seize upon a (part of the
island. This would have been a viola
tion of the Monroe Doctrine nd would
have forced us to choose between re
ceding from our historic policy or going
to war.
At the request of the Santo Domini
can government, Mr. Roosevelt inter
vened. By "the unofficial assurance
that America would strive to help
Santo Domingo in her hour of need,"
he induced France and Germany to
forego their purpose of invading the
island. . Pursuant to this assurance, Mr.
Hay negotiated a treaty with Santo Do
mingo by which the United States offi
cials were to administer her customs
and collect funds to pay the foreign
creditors not the "Shylocks and
sharps," as Mr. Tillman calls them all,
but the honest creditors. The unjust
debts, by the terms of the treaty, were
not to be paid. This treaty was duly
submitted to the Senate, and the Sen
ate, with contemptuous neglect of Its
constitutional obligations, did not deign
to notice it. Mr. Tillman was then a
Senator, as he still is, and part of the
blame of that almost treasonable mis
feasance belongs to him.
Meanwhile the danger of interna
tional war hung over the country. To
avert that danger, and for no other
reason, Mr. Roosevelt sent men to ad
minister the Dominican revenues and
begin to pay the foreign debts of the
island. His action was intended solely
to preserve international peace, and It
succeeded. He did not defy the Senate.
He merely adopted a temporary expedi
ent to avert war until the treaty should
be either ratified or rejected. "In the
meantime," these are his own words, "a
temporary arrangement has been made
which will last until the Senate has had
time to take action on the treaty." If
the arrangement has lasted a long time,
so has the Inexcusable delay of the
Senate. The fault has not been Mr.
Roosevelt's. This is all there As in Mr.
Tillman's charge that "he was carrying
into effect a treaty that had never been
ratified." There is still less in bis other
charges.
Mr. Tillman's extravagant hatred of
the President has its roots in his still
more extravagant hatred of the negro
race. Few have forgotten the demon
lac fury of his language when the ques
tion was before the Senate of confirm
ing the negro Crum, whom Mr. 'Roose
velt had appointed Collector of Cus
toms at Charleston. Everybody also
remembers how Tillman's Invitation to
dine at the White House was revoked
on account of his abusive violence.
There can be no doubt that the Senator
from South Carolina has waited pa
tiently ever since to revenge himself.
The fortunate concurrence of the Pan
ama wrangle, the Santo Dominican
revolution and the ridiculous Mrs. Mor
ris episode gave him the opportunity
he longed for.
All these things may have happened
In such close succession purely by
chance, but that is not likely. The ex
travagant outcry over them In the'eor
poration press may be dictated by con
science and right reason only, but that
is hard to believe. Mr. Tillman's re
iteration of this outcry in the Senate
just in the nick of time to distract at
tention from the matter of railroad
rates may or may not be purely fortui
tous. His abuse of the House of Repre
sentatives for standing with the Pres
ident and the people may or may not
be part of an effort preconcerted be
tween the railroads and their creatures
in the Senate to discredit Mr. Roose--velt,
block rate regulation and delay
the construction of the Panama Canal;
but Jf some astute genius had prear
ranged all these events with those ends
in view, he would have ordered them
exactly as they have happened. The
simple truth of the matter seems to be
that the enemies of the canal and of
rate regulation are seizing upon every
occurrence which can be tortured to the
discredit, of the President and his meas
ures and using It for all it is worth.
Whether Mr. Tillman Is their active ac
complice or their blind tool, his wild
and whirling words fit beautifully into
their scheme.
win this fiasco?
Why was not Richards convicted?
Proof that he was conducting a disor
derly house was abundant, convincing
and respectable. He run? a restaurant
where many people of excellent repu
tation and approved character cat.
He has bachelors' apartments where
many persons of correct habits no
doubt abide; but there Is no rule of the
house that requires that their habits
shall be correcL Not to put too fine a
point on it, men and women may do as
they please at Richards' hotel. There
is no doubt about IL 'Why, then, was
he not convicted? It is not altogether
explained by saying the jury was
"packed." The jury list was drawn by
Mayor Lane's police deparlmenL It
was their business to see that there
was an impartial and disinterested box.
Obviously they failed for some of the
persons called were from the Munici
pal Association, which has for Its ob
ject the arrest, conviction and compul
sory effacement of men like Richards.
These persons could scarcely be con
sidered Impartial and disinterested, and
they were rejected as Jurors. The re
mainder came from the class who evi
dently can see no harm In such places
as Richards; and they were not impar
tial or disinterested. Now, how did all
these get in the jury-box, and why was
the great body of right-thinking, fair
minded and reasonable citizens over
looked? There are men In Portland
who could give Richards a fair trial
who are not Involved 4n the political
and personal or other schemes of the
X,ane administration on the one hand,
or in sympathy with the loose, immoral
and demoralizing practices of the mid
night frequenters at Richards' on the
other. They could have reached a sane
and acceptable judgment as to whether
such places as Richards' arc necessary
or not, or whether or not it Is neces
sary to drive them out of business.
The verdict in this case was the
inevitable outcome of a stupid, bun
gling and apparently vindictive prose
cution, by which is meant to include
all the sensational events leading up to
the trial. If the public has accepted the
verdict with indifference a verdict
rendered in face of notorious facts It
Is because It has not been convinced
that there was a genuine and whole
some inspiration toward reform
throughout the entire affair.
THE IMMIGRATION MENACE.
The report of Special Immigrant In
spector Braun on European immigra
tion discloses a situation that is little
less than disgraceful. This report
makes It quite clear that the hospital
itj of the United States is being griev
ously abused by the scum of the Old
World, shipped over here In the steer
age. It discloses a systematic arrange
ment by which these aliens come Into
the country and depreciate the labor
market for our own citizens or for hon
est immigrants who intend to become
citizens. After amassing what in their
own country is considered a fortune,
these aliens return to Europe with
everything that they can take with
them, and their places are filled by
other aliens, wfco are encouraged and
cautioned by those returning to confine
their interest and efforts in this country
solely to what they can get out of it.
without rendering anything In the way
of loyalty and citizenship In return.
It is, perhaps, well for this country
that these offscourings of humanity do
not become citizens, but this docs not
alter the fact that their presence in our
country is highly detrimental to those
who have a right here.
Another flagrant abuse of our gener
osity in the citizen-making line Is re
ported In the case of the Armenians,
Turks and Syrians. These fretful no
mads come over to the United States in
great numbers, and, unlike the Hun
garians, who avoid becoming citizens,
they are railroaded through to citizen
ship as rapidly as possible. As soon as
they receive the magic document
granting them the protection of the
United States, they hasten back to the
land from whence they come, and begin
stirring up trouble. Their facilities for
this work are vastly Improved by a
brief sojourn in the United States, for,
no matter how low, contemptible and
thoroughly despicable an American citi
zen may be, the strong arm of our
Government reaches out to protect him,
no matter where he may be when he
gets into trouble of his own making.
So numerous have become these machine-made
citizens that the Governor
of one of the Turkish provinces recom
mends its annexation by the United
States, -for the reason that it contains
at present "more American citizens
than there are Turkish citizens."
This problem of alien labor is one of
the most serious now confronting the
American people, and, unless stricter
surveillance Is exercised, both in this
country and on the part of secret ser
vice men abroad, grave trouble may
yet result- The presence in the United
States of a foreigner who declines citi
zenship is financially detrimental to us
in time of peace, and becomes a menace
In time of war. He takes our money In
time of" peace, and sends it to a country
which at any time might be Involved
ip war with us, and In the evjent of
war weuld turn and strike us If it were
to the interest of his native country
for him to do so.
As previously stated. It Is perhaps to
our advantage that a large number of
these aliens do not become citizens, but
something is radically wrong with our
immigration policy that it enables ad
mission to this country of individuals
who are unfit to become citizens. These
objectionable aliens crowd Into our
Eastern cities and intensify the strug
gle which our native citizens are mak
ing for existence. Here In the West we
have thus far been Immune from the
presence of this class of Immigration,
but At the energetic but Irresponsible
transportation agents find the field for
their activities narrowing on the Atlan
tic slope they may transfer their efforts
to the Pacific Coast.
The Japanese as Immigrants are In
finitely preferable to some of the Euro
pean scum that Is ferried across the
Atlantic and dumped at Ellis Island,
but there are undesirable features In
Japanese labor, and sooner or later we
may be forced to take the same stand
to protect the Western laboring man
that is now so urgently necessary for
preserving the dignity of labor and the
peace of the commonwealths which are
the most infested with the alien labor
of the Old World. The revelations of
Inspector Braun are sufficiently alarm
ing to demand immediate attention, and
an Improvement in the quality, even
though it results In a decrease In the
volume of Immigration, is imperative.
RAILROAD COMMISSION'S QUANDRY.
The wheatgrowers of the Big Bend
country and along the main line and
Spokane & Palouse branches of the
Northern Pacific Railroad are on the
eve of an awakening regarding the
joint rates which the Washington
Railroad Commission will soon order
Into effect on wTient. These deluded
growers, who clamored for a railroad
commission In the belief that its com
ing would increase wheat prices, will
without doubt be surprised to learn
that the Puget Sound millers have
united in demand for a Joint rate on
wheat not for the purpose of Increas
ing the price to the farmer, but. on the
contrary, because they expect It to
reduce prices for the miller. The mill
ers, of course, are very philanthropic,
but they have not yet reached a stage
of Imbecility, where they are anxious to
pay more for their wheat than they are
now paying.
They do not wish to get over into
the enlarged field now reached exclu
sively by the O.- R. & N. Co for the
exclusive purpose of advancing prices
to the farmers now dependent on the
Portland market. They are insisting
on a joint rate In order that they may
throw the weight of the heavier sup
plies In Portland territory on the
smaller supplies In their own territory
and thus break the market. In effect.
Institution of a joint rate on wheat will
nullify all advantages now enjoyed by
the wheatgrower In Puget Sound terri
tory without in the slightest degree
Increasing the price for the grower In
Portland territory.
Perhaps the most peculiar phase of
the controversy Is the strange position
in which both complaints are placed.
The farmer demands a joint rate on
wheat for the alleged reason that with
It 4n effect he can secure higher prices
from the Puget -Sound millers than
from the Portland buyers. The Puget
Sound millers are asking for the joint
rate for the alleged reason that, with It
In effect, they can purchase their wheat
supplies from 1 to 2 cents- per bushel
cheaper than they can secure them at
presenL There is a great disappoint
ment In store for one or the other of
the two parties who are now claiming
the same interest in joint rates.
Just at present there is only one
party with a grievance over the joint
rate. That parly is the railroad com
pany which built its line Into a terri
tory where the Northern Pacific and
Great Northern would not build. Nat
urally, It now objects to converting Its
road into a feeder for the less-enterprising
lines which did not build Into
that country. Later there will be an
objection heard from the Big Bend
farmer who discovers that his close
proximity to the Seattle market docs
not give him any advantage In price
over the farmer situated over in O. R,
& N. territory on the other side of the
state The railroad commission, when
It tackles the wheat joint-rate problem,
will be in a position often described
as "between the devil and the deep
blue sea."
ZIONISTS IN STRAITS.
The Dowlcltcs are In stress of cir
cumstances, financial and religious.
Their Elijah has not proved the prophet
of prosperity and godliness which he
proclaimed himself to be, but a sordid
tithe-master, a selfish spendthrift and
an impostor generally. The holdings of
their Zlon are large, but heavily en
cumbered. Dowle has been taking ex
pensive trips at home and abroad, while
they have been tolling and saving and
rearing children at his behest at home.
And now they find themselves In a
strait betwixt the two. They must
stick to Dowle to keep their creed from
becoming a laughter, or they must kick
him out to save themselves and Zlon
from bankruptcy. The latter course
will. In the end, be pursued. An empty
bag cannot stand upright In these days,
any more than It could In the good old
days of "Poor Richard" and his homely
precepts. And the Zlon bag Is empty
of financial ballast and Its pious wind,
Is likely to be let out by a sharp punc
ture any day.
The question in this stress is. What
shall be done with Dowle? He went
round the world at the cost of 5100,000
to Zlon's treasurj't and returned to
plague the officials further. He went
to New York on a proselyting tour and
Zlon was taxed for thousands without
a convert to help foot the bills. He
was sick and went to Mexico, and came
back hopelessly well the treasury
minus other thousands. If he Is re
pudiated, Zion is without a head; if re
tained, it is without funds or credit,
with blanket mortgages over the whole
zeal and hard cash do not
make a good blend. They may seem to
fuse for a while, but the latter eventu
ally 'becomes the ruling element, and
costly churches and temples dedicated
to founders who openly scout and de
ride material things while turning
every penny possible to their own profit
remain monuments to human folly
when worked upon by pious greed.
Dowle'a Zlon has had, relatively, a
brief existence. It may hang upon the
skirts of credulity yet for a time, but
it must soon be soughtin the bone
yard of ecclesiastical fanaticism while
those who stood for its financial obli
gations must hustle to pay the blli.
The tirade of Senator Tillman
against President Roosevelt and the
vituperative seal with which he seeks
to exploit the ejection of Mrs. Morris
from the White House as a discredit to
the President are characteristic of the
man. Proud wlelder of the pitchfork In
politics, he rises to a distinction pe
culiar to himself every time he appears
upon the scene of contention or debate.
It Is the easiest thing in the world to
exaggerate an incident like that of the
ejection of Mrs. Morris into a grave
misdemeanor, and even a crime. A
pugnacious, . persistent, struggling
woman Is not easily handled, as Mrs.
Carrie Nation demonstrated to the sat
isfaction of those who attempted to
"put her out" at various times. The
scene In such a case is not an Inviting
one. and it is difficult for the spectator
to decide where necessary force leaves
off and needless force begins. It Is pos
sible that the attendants at the White
House used more force than was justi
fiable In putting this woman out. since
it has been disclosed that she was un
armed and without other purpose than
an ardent desire to be admitted to the
presence of the President. Past experi
ence has, however, demonstrated with
fatal emphasis the danger of taking
good intentions for granted when a
crank seeks to shake hands with the
President of the United States.
The rivalry between Seattle and Ta
coma is quite pronounced, but there Is
still an opportunity for it to increase.
If the boomers of the two cities are
really anxious to have the world know
which of the two ports is the greater,
they should segregate their business
and let the world know the true status
of each individual port. For example,
we would like to know whether Seattle,
Everett or Tacoma Is the big flour port
of Puget Sound. The Government sta
tistics for 1905 show that the three
ports shipped 1.952,127 barrels of flour,
but no segregation by ports Is made.
If an equal amount was shipped from
each of the three ports, the average
would be 654,042 barrels, compared with
1.0SS.343 barrels from Portland. Of
course, every one knows that Portland
is the principal wheat and flour port
of the Pacific Coast, but It would be
Interesting to know whether Seattle,
Tacoma, Everett or San Francisco is
in second place.
The capacity of the people of some of
rthe Russian islands for self-govern
ment Is on a par with that of a few of
the "peppery" Southern countries
where revolutions are more frequent
than equinoctial storms. The spirit of
revolution having been subdued on the
mainland in Russia, has found lodg
ment in the Islands of the Baltic, and
one of the smallest of these has already
overthrown one president and set of
government officers. It Is reported that
the present ruling magistrate addresses
his sovereign people as "my faithful
subjects." If he has taken that view of
his relation to the men who will be ex
pected to pay the taxes and fight tho
battles. It will not be difficult to fore
cast his flnlsh. The "subject" Idea of
government Is one of the main explo
sives In the bomb over which Russia Is
sitting.
The attention of the International
Association of Sailing Ship Owners Is
called to the fact that i number of
association ships are being delayed on
Puget Sound from one to three weeks
rowing to their inability to get crews.
Earlier in the season some of the ves
sels were subjected to long delays be
fore they secured cargo. The average
time In port for grain ships at Port
land this season has been much less
than Ibat of the Puget Sound fleet.
These are a few of the many facts
which cause shippers to wonder how
the ancient fossils who instituted the
Is 3d discrimination against Portland
and in favor of Puget Sound can recon
cile their actions with the facts In the
case. They should have set an alarm
clock before they went to sleep after
flxlng the discriminatory rate. It is
certainly time for them to wake up.
There is and always will be one very"
serious difficulty in the enactment of
laws by the Initiative that the meas
ure cannot be amended after it has
once been framed and submitted. It Is
indeed a -wise man or body of men who
can draft a bill without serious defects.
Discussion almost invariably discloses
an error which the authors of the bill
did not see. But once a proposed law
has been published and put in circula
tion for Initiative signatures. It Is too
late to amend, and the measure must
stand or fall, the good with the bad.
For that reason direct legislation
should be only along fundamental lines,
and In such brief, concise form that
there may be no doubt as to lefral ef
fect or possibility of complication.
An attempt will be made to add seed
less persimmons to the list of citrus
fruits that have been brought to per
fection by cultivation. The flavor of
the native persimmon is much finer
than that of the Japanese variety, but
its multitude of seeds is against Its use
as a table fruit. These eliminated, it
would become only less popular than
the seedless orange. The Department
of Agriculture will experiment with the
fruit by grafting some of the buds of
the only needless persimmon tree that
is known to exist In this country upon
other stock. The effort Is of Interest to
horticulturists.
Poultney BIgelow Is a product of ir
responsible journalism, which manu
factures its facts. He will not give the
authority for his information, for there
is no authority. Irresponsible journal
Ism created the story that Chief Engi
neer Shonts gets $150,000 per year, de
riving Its facts from the same place
BIgelow did nowhere. The Senate
committee seems disposed to bring
BIgelow to account, but It is to be
doubted if it Is worth while. The world
knows him for a liar and sensation
monger, and that ought to be punish
ment enough.
The local evangelist who claims to
prove the existence of hell by Black
stone's "Commentaries" Is probably
aware of the fact that modern disciples
of the famous jurist have won more
desperate cases with less weighty legal
authority.
Clil service, gas -Investigation for
the benefit of the gas company, and
the Richards case these are the three
recent flascoes of the Lane adminis
tration. The decks are cleared for the
next.
Possibly all the excitement over that
Richards witness list was occasioned
by the startling reflection as to what
and whom It might have Included.
Birmingham Is for protection and the
rest of Great Britain for free trade.
The discovery that the tariff Is a local
question la about due la England.
Prhps Mr. AleX-Ray .will try agate.
THE SILVER LINING.
Doesn't It strike you that there is an
other Impressive exemplification going
'round to the effect that it Is man's de
light to bark and bite, as well as dog's?
It may be a satisfaction and a pleasure
for some men to Jump on Roosevelt real
hard. but. as the roisterer commented
during the evening, we'll be looking for
trouble in the morning.
.
It's the actor's delight to stand In his
own light. He lookcth outward into the
mirror, the line of his vision curves around
and goes Into himself again. The Image
of self Is so huge and so close to him
that it blots out all the world beside. He
can only see himself, and that Is enough
for the nurture of his soul.
Of two evils, choose both; you'll prob
ably bowl both over or fall between them
and neither will touch you.
Swing your bat and hit the ball. You've
got three trials at it. anyway, and confi
dence that you can hlt.it Is as Important
as technical skill.
a
"Are you back from your vacation for
good?"
"No, for evil."
It's an 111 wind that does not bring a
cold.
It's a wise child that knows Its own
father, runs the proverb. Speaking of
prevalent conditions today, don't you
think that when there Is any question
about It. the child ought to be furnished
the bare facts, so as to be able to make
an Intelligent selection? To require eru
dition and wisdom seems a little tough
on the child.
"Tell me the company you keep, and
I'll tell you what you are." Well, I had
a man worth twenty millions in my office
for quite a while today, but somehow I
don't seem to have anything more than
my salary to look forward to, notwith
standing my luxurious experience. I do
feel a kind of reminiscent glow of yellow-metal
geniality consequent upon that
rich man's presence, but If you fellows
think that affects my bank account, you
lose.
If you arc too bent on pleasure you may
break yourself.
Never pretend to be what you are not
and you will never be found out. Is that
too Intricate? Read it twice. There's
meat there.
It you embrace an opportunity in a
public place you misht embarrass the op
portunity. It all depends upon the oppor
tunity. Carolyn Wells brings news of speqial
Joy In heaven Just now, thus:
"At least" remarked the Cherubim.
"There's one sure thing that must de
light us."
"What's that?" inquired the Seraphim.
"Wc cannot have appendicitis!"
The courageous man. when asked by
his son. defined a thoroughbred as fol
lows: "I am. my son. when your mother Is
away on her vacation."
The dinner dance In question Is de
scribed as highly successful it cost twice
as much as they could afford and nearly
all the spoons were stolen. Oh. joy!
A guilty conscience needs no Richards.
A subpona makes cowards of us all.
Why not make the Annapolis Naval
Academy self-supporting by charging 10,
20 and 30 eonts admission to the hazing
trials? The "rabbit dance" by Midship
man Kilduff and other stunts that have
been done for the court's enlightenment
and edification since the beginning of the
Meriwether hearing arc undoubtedly su
perior to the overworked vaudeville acts
now on the boards.
He that lunches In the night stumbles.
Marry in haste and ropent in Dakota.
Dowle Is downed. He claims that he
was Elijah, then reincarnated as John
the Baptist, and now Is re-born as Alex
ander Dowle. History repeats itself.
John was beheaded, and Alexander gets
it in the neck.
The Idea that a skating rink can make
more noise than a collection of commer
cial traveuers Is good.
The consuming curiosity of the prudes
whenever the lid Is lifted Is sweet unc
tion to the soul of the Irrevocably de
praved. Most of us arc among the de
praved and indifferent.
t
While Mr. Hearst tours the land bow
ing his acknowledgments to the admiring-
populace, McClellan in little old
New York deals out the offices and
ginger to the boys around the Mayor's
office.
The limelight of official investigation
does not interfere with the Incessant
metallic rattle of the merging copper
interests. The Lcwisohns have engi
neered another $50,000,000 company,
and they all arc still at it in the same
old way.
Are you going to vote, or are you go
ing to let some one else do it for you?
There's more In that question than you
think. It's loaded. Look it over.
When Irving Was Turned Down.
Bram Stoker, who for many years
was connected with the management
of the late Sir Henry Irving, tells of
an amusing incident which occurred
during the player's tour of the Middle
West,
It appears that Irving; In order to
break a "long Jump" from Chicago to
another city, was desirous of securing
for one night the theater of a town
In Indiana. Accordingly, Stoker wired
the Individual who was both proprie
tor and 'manager of the play-house In
question, requesting that Sir Henry be
given a night's engagement.
In a short while Mr. Stoker received
the following: "Does Irving parade?"
When shown this the distinguished
Briton was much amused. He directed
Stoker to reply that "Irving- was a
tragedian, not a minstrel."
The further reply came. "Don't want
Irving unless he parades." Harper's
Weekly.
Never Give All the Heart.
W. B. Teats in McCIure's.
Never give all the heart: for lore
Will hardly seem worth thinking of
To passionate women, if it seem
Certain and they never dream
That It fades out from kiss to kiss.
For everything that's lovely la
But a brief, dreamy, kind delight.
O never rive the heart outright.
For they, tor all smooth 11 pa can my.
Hive given their hearts rap -to the play.
And who can play It well enomch
If deaf and dumb and felted with fove?
.He that made this kaows all Mm cost.
For he &ve all kta heart a4 lost.
iMAHOUT NOTCHAUFFEUR.
Chicago Tribune Special.
Mark Twain as solved a National prob
lem. He has found a substitute for the
most maligned and unpronounceable word
In the new language of automoblllng
chauffeur. This word, which he declares
Is said in nine different ways, all of them
wrong, he would abolish and establish
"mahout" In Its place.
Mark Twain announces his discovery in
a letter to Harper's Weekly, to which this
quotation is a preface:
Scarcer had Watchman Fowler taken his
post at the Kate when & procession of strange
creatures appeared.
"Halt! Who goes there?" ejaculated the
watchman when a fat .negro approached,
laboriously leading & thin, bow-legged goat.
"Dls hcah beast Is Ole Ironsides, suh." ex
plained the goal's mahout. From "Dani the
Bulldog." In the Times.
"When I read it," the letter says. "I
recognized with a thrill that the right i
word had been found at last mahout. Tho
'mobile, that majestic devil, that. Impres
sive devil. Is our elephant, he Is In a class
by himself, like the Jungle monarch; to
be his master, pilot and compcller Is a
post of solemn and awful dignity and dan
ger, and it does seem to me that that
measly word 'chauffeur does not properly
flt the occupant of It. Chauffeur Is a good
enough word when strictly confined to Its
modest and rightful place as you will see
by what Littre says about it. I translate:
'A chauffeur i3 the flrer-up on the street
corner,, peanut roaster; In English, stok
er.' A good enough word, you see. in Its
own place, but when we come to apply It
to the Admiral of the thunderous 'mobile
or of the mighty elephant we realize that
it Is inadequate. No, stoker Is not the
thing, chauffeur is not the thing, mahout
Is the tnlng mahout Is the word we need.
Besides, there Is only one way of saying
mahout, whereas there are nine ways of
saying chauffeur, arid none of them right.
With ever-Increasing respect, dear sir, as
the ages roll on, I am yours,
"MARK TWAIN."
OUR WINTER BIRDS.
Mnny ot These Little Fellows Sur
prisingly Tame.
St. Nicholas.
It is surprising that there are birds
which come to us only to spend the Win
ter, leaving us again at the beginning of
Spring for northern lands and snow
banked hillsides, where the long day and
palo twilight nights of the Arctic reign.
Birds that raise their broods in the far.
treeless northland, where heather, grasses
and stunted alders grow on a shallow
soaking sol! underlaid by a great depth
of eternal Ice, at the approach of Winter
gather into great roving flocks to surge
southward to that gentler climate of our
blizzardly "temperate" Winters! Yet all
young country folks have seen these rest
less, wandering flocks of Winter lovers,
and occasionally even In the towns and
cjtles there arrive unfamiliar companies
of fat. fluffy birds, busily opening the
cones of the firs and spruces, or devour
ing the buds of the maples.
Many of these much-traveled little fel
lows are wonderfully tame and seem not
to experience fear of man so universal
wjth animals that rear their young In his
neighborhood. Pine grosbeaks and cross
bills, whose real homes arc in the silent
moss-filled spruce forests of the great
north, will almost allow themselves to
be caught in your hand! With the field
roving kinds, like the snow-buntings,
horned larks and longspurs, this fear
lessness is not found, probably from
the constant lookout they are forced
to keep against the cunning- and hun
gry white foxes and the daring trap
jawed little ermine that persistently
hunt them in their northland home.
But the rosy little red-polls, the creep
ers, kinglets, "little friend chickadee,"
as the Northern Indians call him, and
all the other deep forest dwellers, are
as unafraid of us as they are of the
gentle porcupines and deer of thoir
home woods.
A Model Witness.
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The opposing counsel What is your
name?
The witness (appealing to the Judge)
Am I obliged to answer this?
The Judge You are.
The witness My name is Todgcrs.
"First name?"
"I decline to answer."
"On what ground?"
"It would be construed into a reflection
on the good taste of my parents."
"Where were you born?"
"I decline to answer."
"Why?"
"Because all my information on the sub
ject is of the hearsay character."
"But you wore there at the time?"
"I decline to admit it."
"What Is your age?
"Before answering I desire to consult
with my attorneys."
"What is your ostensible business?"
"I do not remember."
"Arc you in any way connected with tho
Ramrod Trust?"
"I do not remember.",.
What Is its capitalization?"
"I do not remember."
"What Is your salary?"
"I do not remember."
"Arc you married?"
"I do not remember."
Tne Judge 'inc hearing will now be ad
journed until 10 o'clock tomorrow morn
ing. And I want to congratulate the op
posing counsel on the marked progress
they have made in advancing the case.
Charge of the Mad Brigade.
(With acknowledgments to Tennyson.)
Louise Stevens in The. Woman's Home Com
panion. Half a block, half a block.
Half a block onward.
Tacked Into trolley-cars
Rode the six hundred.
Maiden and matrons hale.
Tall spinsters, slim and pale.
On to the Bargain Sale,
Rode the six hundred.
Autos to right of them.
Hansoms to. left of them,
Flyinr trains over them.
Rattled and thundered.
Forward, through all the roar.
On, through the crowd they bore,
To Blank & BIankeys store
Redo the six hundred.
When at that mart of trade.
Stern-faced and unafraid,
Ob. the wild charge they made!
All the clerks wondered.
Theirs not'to make reply,
Theirs not to reason why.
Theirs but to pacify.
All the six hundred.
On bargain still intent.
Homeward the buyers went.
With cash and patience spent.
And friendships sundered.
What' tho their hat sport dents
"What tho their gowns ahow rents
. They have saved thirty cents;
Noble six hundred!
Celtlc-Frlnged Tatrlots.
Ensllsh Review.
Tho Scotch and the Welsh are only too
prone to come and make good livings in
England. But they get quite nasty-tempered
occasionally when Englishmen go
to Scotland or Wales. Recently an Eng
lish lawyer was barred from a Scottish
'town clerkship simply because he was
English: now Sir Watkln Wynn Is being
flagellated by the Denbigh police com
mittees because he prefers an intelligible
language like English to a series of quaint
noises like Welsh.
Auto Sense.
Fllegenda Blatter.
Automobilist How stupid that the police
regulations require us to display larger
Mimbers; now we'll have to travel so
aauch faster, so they can't be deciphered.
YELLOW NEWSPAPER GLOSSARY
New York Sun.
PRETTY GIRL. Any unmarried human
female less than 33 years old who gets Into
the news.
SOCIETY MATRON Any married woman,
from a bartender's wife up through the so
cial grade, who gets Into the news.
SOCIETY GIRL Synonymous with "pretty
glrl. See above.
EXCLUSIVE Adjective applied to any
club or social organization which excludes
Indians not taxed, convicts and persons of
more than one-half negro blood.
NOT EXPECTED TO RECOVER Phrase
applied to the condition of all persons in
jured In course of news story-
PROMINENT YALE GRADUATE Any
one wearing a boiled shirt, arrested for any
thing above a misdemeanor.
MULTI-MILLIONAIRE Person possessed
of property worth $50,000 or over, or a rela
tive of a person listed In the Social Register.
Up to three years ago "millionaire" was
used In the same sense.
THIRTY-TWO CALIBER. PEARL HAN
DLED Phrase which must always be at
tached to the noun "revolver," unless other
wise ordered.
TOT Any child under 7. In a pathetic
story the adjective "tiny" must always be
prefixed.
PLUCKY WOMAN Any woman who did
not scream.
HEROINE Principal female character In
any burglary story. Otherwise synonymous
with "plucky woman." q. v.
PROMINENT CLUBMAN Any bachelor
leasing apartments at $30 a month and up
ward. Also members of the Paul Kelly and
Timothy D. Sullivan Associations who hap
pen to be arrested while wearing dress suits.
FATALLY INJURED See "not expected
to recover." above.
FASHIONABLE APARTMENT HOUSE
Any dwelling which has an elevator.
TODDLE Verb applied to the walk of a
tiny tot. Sec under "tot" for correct usage.
WELL DRESSED Phrase always applied
to a woman who, when arrested, is com
paratively clean. , Must be used In a story
about a prominent clubman, q. v. above.
SNUG SUM Money.
RAFFLES Any thief who wears a collar.
CRISP FIVE DOLLAR BILI Five dollars.
COZT Adjective always applied to home
to which the remains are taken.
WUZ Synonymous with "was." but Indi
cates dialect.
HURLED Motion of passengers, cars, and
cabs at the time of the accident.
FAINT Course taken by all the women
within six blocks of the accident.
SCREAM See "faint" above.
WILD PANIC Inevitable result of the ac
cident. DASH Gait of the crowd at the time of
the accident. "Rush" Is synonymous. "Run"
is not good usage.
D N Damn.
HEIR Child having $300 coming to him
from a life Insurance policy.
RING OUT What shots always do-
HURTLE Verb used of motion of any
falling object, especially a brick or a suicide.
HAVOC Good word to use almost any
where. HIGH Adjective which must be prefixed
to noun "noon" In the accbunt of a fash
ionable wedding.
TRUST Any money not owned by the pro
prietor. SLAY Synonymous with obsolete verb
"kill."
JUGGLE What Is always done with the
funds of a bank or trust company.
IRONMASTER See Andrew Carnegie.
COLLEGE GIRL Any woman who has
ever gone to school.
BANDIT Person guilty of crime against
property 'for which the penalty is more
than 10 days in Jail.
BURLY Adjective always applied to a
male negro.
PROMINENT Descriptive adjective ap
plied to farmers, plumbers and dentists.
BOUDOIR Any bedroom the rent of which
is more than $l.r0 a week.
GLOBE TROTTER Any one who has been
to Hohokus. N. J.. Klttery, Me., or Peru.
Ind.
DEAL Any business transaction which
Involves more than $1000.
GEMS Personal ornaments worth more
than $1.73.
PERIL A great word to ufc almost any
where. It tones up the story.
NURSE NORAH DEDUCES.
Woman's Home Companion.
"Do yc see th ma-an over there?"
demanded Norah. suddenly.
"F'r sure." answered Flynn.
"Can ye tell me anny thing iv him?"
"Niver a thing." '
"He's not a married man," asserted
Norah. "an" he's not in love an he don't
live with his folks an he don't live at a
club an he don't live at a hotel."
"How do ye know?"
"There's two buttons off his vest an
wan off his coat," said Norah. "If he was
a married ma-an his wife w'u'd ha-ave
thim sewed on., if only so's th' neighbors
w'u'dn't see it an be sayin' how careless
she is an how ha-ard a time her poor
husband has. An if he was in love,"
JCorah went on. gratified by the look of
admiration Flynn gave her, "he w'u'd
have th buttons sewed on himself, an'
he w'u'd have his clo'es brushed an' no
dust on his hat. Ye can see that, can't
ye?"
"I can." admitted Flynn.
"An If he lived with his folks." con
tinued Norah. "do you think his mother
or his sister w'u'd l'ave hlm'go with th
buttons off his coat, an' if they w'u'd,
ha-ave vc th' Idea that they w'u'dn't
be naggln him to death till they made
him brush his own clo'es ivery day or so?
An If he lived at a hotel or a club, w'u'd
n't th bellboys or th porthers be whalln
th dust out iv him in th' hope iv a tip?
'TIs not much I'm glvin ye, Barney, but
ye know a little Iv th ma-an now. an
ve knew nothin iv him before. I'm new
at It. too. With a little practice I think T
c'u'd tell ye what he had Cr dint er th
day before ylstherday."
"It's gr-reat." admitted policeman
Flynn. "but w'u'd U wor-rk-whin yo
wanted it to? Can yc be sure that th
felly ye want to find out about is wan
iv th' kind ye can read? Ye see. I can't
ta-ake me pick iv funny-actin' min like
they can In daytictive shtories."
Didn't Know Husband's Xante.
San Francisco Chronicle.
She was from Seattle. After inscribing
her name on the hotel register she asked
the clerk if any mail had come addressed
to her. The name she wrote on the
register wa3 simply "Mrs. T. Brown, Se
attle." . t. .
"I don't suppose, by any chance, that
this is intended for you. is It?" Inquired
tho clerk: handing her a letter addressed
Mrs. T. B. Browne."
"Yes. that Is mine," said the demurs
guest. "I recognize the handwriting."
"But the name Is spelled differently."
pointed out the cautious clerk. "You spell
your name 'B-r-o-w-n. and the name on
the letter has a Anal 'e.' "
She got all fussed up about it and
blushed radiantly.
"You see." she explained, "I am not
quite sure how he spells it."
"Who?"
"My husband. We've only been married
a month.'
Rat Hunts In Favor In England.
London Express.
Rat catching as a pastime is fast
bounding Into popularity. It Is claimed
by the many fresh devotees of this pe
culiar hobby that it provides excite
ment and sport, while as its aim is the
extinction of -vermin Us usefulness is
beyond question. H. F. Willoughby
Greenhill. a stock broker, and a party
of friends, with the assistance of four
dogs, bagged 92 rats the other Satur
day, and nearly as many during' the
preceding- week. The sport Is general
all over the County of Surrey, and the
services of those who follow the pastime-
are in requisition in all rat-Infested
quarters.
A Warm Member.
Harper's Weekly.
Elderly Man Getting on well at school,
my boy, got a good place In your class,
eh?
Jones, Minor Yes, sir; next the stove.
When Speech Is Silver.
Tales.
Clerk Here, boy, that half-dollar Is no
good.
Boy It is. too. I guess I ought to know
ray owir father made it