8
THE 3IORNIXG OBEGOiNXAN, WEDNESDAY; 0 OCTOBER 18, 1905.
Entered at the Postoffico at Portland. Or..
as second-class matter.
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PORTLAND. WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 18?.
THE PARTS OP IT AND THE WHOLE
OF IT.
Conditions at the mouth of the Co
lumbia River present the really diffi
cult problem' of our ocean and river
commerce. A deep ship channel from
Portland to the sea Is by no means so
difficult as improvement of the bar. It
is far easier to make and maintain a
channel of "So feet from Portland to the
bar than to establish and maintain
safe passage over the bar for vessels of
such draft, up and down the river. The
ocean bar therefore presents the prob
lem of greatest moment
The complaint that Astoria has al
ways made against Portland Is, how
ever, that Portland has insisted also on
improvement of the river channels, as
well as active work upon the ocean
jttty and bar. This is the source of
all the tirades against Portland In the
Astoria "press. It is the source of the
fresh- stream of maudlin vituperation
from that quarter, now in full flux.
Uuernnient during many years -has
done little for the rrver channels, com
pared with what Portland has done,
md little Indeed for the river channels
compared with what It has done for the
ocean bar. ,Yet the river channel from
Portland to the sea. will carry any ves
sel in safety that can possibly cross out.
The problem Is at the bar, not In the
rivers.
But Portland Is using her .utmost ef
forts, and -always has done so, for push
ing work on the jet,ty and improvement
of the 'bar. It ie silly misrepresenta
tion on the part of the Astorian to say.
as it does, that an "anti-Astoria lobby"
i'ver was organized at Portland, by any
body, at any time, and sent to Wash
ington to oppose the jetty scheme, or
any other for improvement at the bar.
For Portland Is by just so much more
interested in a deep channel at the en
i ranee of the Columbia River, as Its po
sition. Its commerce. Its size and Im
portance as a city exceed all that As
toria is, has. or. can hope to become.
Everything that has been done for the
jetty and bar during all the years that
have passed has been done through the
direct efforts or continual assistance of
Portland; and now Portland Is sending
o-i ue more to Washington one of the
representative men of her commercial
IsfV. te assist in obtaining further nec
essary appropriation for continuance of
ork, without Interruption, on the jetty.
The key to the commerce of the great
Columbia Valley is there; Portland may
"perhaps be given credit for sense lo
know that vessels that can't cross the
bar can't reach Portland from the sea,
or thesea from Portland. But is- Port
ed nd to be censured because she insists
on. river Improvement also, and puts
up her own .money for it? May the
benr not suck his own paws In Winter
or in Summer, If he wants to?
Finally, iet all emphasis -be laid on
the fact again and again that the real
difficulty of the situation the real dif
ficulty lies at the mouth of the river.
Portland, of course, cannot furnish the
money for the Jetty. It is too great an
undertaking. Only the General Govern
ment can cope with it. But Portland
has put a great deal of money into the
river channels, and will put in more yet.
The result of river work is demonstra
tion that the rivers are more easy of
improvement lo any, required depth
than the bar. Any vessel that can
cross In or out .can come to Portland
or go from Portland. And while Port
land will continue to do all the work
in her power for further improvement
at the mouth of the Columbia, she will
not cease her efforts for deeper river
channels, nor fail to insist that im
provement of the river channels is a
legitimate and proper part of govern
ment's duty and function also.
OUR HOLY PLUTOCRACY.
The- lowest bidder , for the pipe for
the now water mains of Portland can
not haVe the contract, because the Ladd
people, who control the Oswego Iron
Works, -want It. and William M. Ladd
is president of the Oswego Iron Works
and head of the Water Commission of
the City of Portland. For these rea
sons, and under these conditions, the
City -of Portland cannot get lowest
prices for pipe for Its new water mains.
Thesame influence is paramount In
street pavement, since the Ladd estate
rontrols the asphalt company, with
which competition Is not. to be permit
ted. Its Influence is paramount in all
the operations of the city, under the
presept Mayor. It contributed all its
efforts ysCaa .no little money tb elect him.
I
The Executive"Board, appointed by the
Mayor, Is under the Ladd dictation.
And the municipal government Is used,
and is to be used In every affair, and
at every time. In the same general di
rection. The object of 'this plutocratic effort
is to govern the City of Portland and
the State of Oregon, for private ag
grandiztjmenL It will strive to control
the legislative power and the courts of
the state, as well as the municipality of
Portland. In such matters as the John
son estate and the Marquam estate,
and many more, what opportunities, If
the courts should be complaisant!
Here is a plutocracy that already has
established Jts power, in large degree,
over the government of the City of
Portland, and hopes to establish It
over the State of Oregon. It Is ut
terly unscrupulous; it pretends to vlr-
tue, indeed, but that always Is part
of the game or an msiaious out
grasping plutocracy1 It usually falls In
with the creed of some orthodox church
that money prevails with, and promotes
Christian and philanthropic associa
tions. In Portland this greed, masquerading
in the garb of virtue, philanthropy and
holiness, cannot become the permanent
..governing , force. It will be turned
down and out the very next time the
people go to the voting booths.
OUR FAITHFUL WOUNDS.
The list of foreigners whom America
does not please Is long, respectable and
constantly growing. The last to point
out our shortcomings is the Russian
Count, or alleged Count, Molynski. and
while, of course, we shrink and shudder
under his faithful castlgation, we re
alize, nevertheless, the great honor he
does us to occupy his noble attention
with a Nation so lowly as ours Is upon
the whole, and we are truly grateful
that he should have found one small
spot which deserved to be called "de
lightful." Such a spot he did actually
And, and It was Newport, the Paradise
of automobile-steering-dudes and mon
key dinners. Count Molynski and his
predecessdrs have all criticised us. but
naturally each one has pointed out the
particular defects which his own vir
tues would make most conspicuous to
him. The Count, for example, being
fond of Gay Paree, where he nightly
dances the cancan and sings as he
flings his aristocratic legs high In the
perfumed atmosphere, "Je suls de bon
ton de Paris, I drink the divine eau de
vie," deplores the' -moral and social In
adequacies of a country where the can
can Is not danced. Naturally also he
finds It -most homelike In a city like
Newport, where the manners of the
demimonde are most In fashion. Our
critics in the past have been mainly
Englishmen, though, let it be thank
fully noted, other natlonsyhave not
dealt too leniently with our faults.
Harriet Martineau and Mrs. Trollope
scolded us faithfully to our lasting edi
fication. Charles Dickens spanked us,
morally speaking, with paternal vigor,
and it must be admitted that his blows
were at the time he gave them well de
served. In later editions of Martin
Chuzzlewit the great censor of Anglo
Saxon manners and institutions himself
conceded that his early strictures had
been not wholly without avail. If he
were now alive he would be cheered to
perceive still greater advancement In
social amenitypart of which he might
possibly .attribute to his own admoni
tions. The statesmen of his day all
chewed tobacco and Irrigated the stove
hearth with the surplus product. Sure
ly Mr. Depew does nothing of the sort,
and probably even Mr. LaFollette
knows the use of a cuspidor. All our
spellbinders still eat with their knives,
as they did In the days of Dickens, but
It is doubtful .whether they now lick
the blade off before cutting butter with
it, as they did then. The fashion Is
nowadays to wipe it carefully on the
coat tails. American real estate agents
no longer allure confiding Englishmen
to buy town lots In -miasmatic swamps,
as Zephanlah Scadder did Martin and
Mark Tapley. All the swamps have
been settled and drained, and we are
now locating our Edens In the sage
brush. Thus civilization marches on,
but it has not marchet far onough to
satisfy Count Molynski.
The noble countryman of Kuropatkln
and Rojestvensky finds little except
Newport to please him In ajl this broad
land, and nothing at all west of the
Mississippi. The Lewis and Clark Fair,
he says, was about the poorest apology
for a big show he e'ver ran across. He"
wonders how we had the nerve lo ad
vertise it as an attraction to the truly
cultured. The Trail, which was. of
course, the only part of. the Fair the
Count would care to visit, was defect
ive. One must confess the soft Impeach
ment, though with tears. There was a
Gay Paree, to be sure but It was a lem
onade sort of Paree to the noble Count,
well enough for uncultured bumpkins,
but without the tang of the real thing.
The time he spent there he counts as
lost; it was wasted. So many golden
hours slipped away into eternity with
no soul growth. The Russian aristo
crat's ideal of how to spend time profit
ably was well known to the manage
ment of the Fair, and they knew also
that visitors would be present from
thaf enlightened and progressive land.
They should, have made some provision
to entertain these sojourners in accord
ance with their advanced tastes. Some
grisettes, plenty of champagne, an
apartment secluded from vulgar Intru
sion, a few simple means of Improve
ment like these might easily have been
provided, and would have saved the
Fair from stinging criticisms.
Count Molynski found the landscope
out West well enough, though nothing
to compare with his native, tundras,
but the people were simply awful; no
culture at all, no respect for aristocratic
manners. The railway conductors and
all the other servants were insolent to
him. Not one really polite person did
he meet west of Newport Clearly the
Count was unfortunate in his acquaint
ances. If he had come with the right
kind. of introductions he would have
gained admittance to an Ibsen, or at
least a Browning, club In some Western
town, and then how all his ideas about.
our unregenerate state would have
changed instantly! He never heard,
one can easily see. that we have a Bud
dhist church in Chicago and have de
veloped Yogis and Mahatmas of our
own In that soul center. We have not
yet attained the spiritual grace to de
light In massacring Jews, but we can
burn a negro at the stake with real
theological refinement, and we under
stand the art of mobbing Chinese cool
ies. The Count will see, therefore, that
we are not a hopeless case by any
means, though our shortcomings are
only tpo patent. If we.only had a Po-biedonostseff-
to hasten our halting
steps In the pathway to true culture,
who can say how soon we should have
some; sort of American substitute for
Cossacks- murdering Jewish -women on
the streets of New York? Is this not an
Ideal worth striving for? Let us be
thankful to our critics who do so much
to keep us humble and waken In us at
the same time such lofty aspirations.
M'CURDrs IGNORANCE.
"If there Is a better way of conduct
ing this investigation, Mr. McCurdy."
said Chairman Armstrong, "we should
be most happy to learn it." The chair
man of the investigating committee
may possess his soul in peace. There Is
no better way. For once, and for a
wonder, perhaps, an Investigating com
mittee has attained perfection In
method and results. The public has
learned more about life Insurance slrice
Mr. Hughes began his questionings
than It ever knew before; but some
thing still" remains to learn. For exam
ple, what does Mr. McGurdy draw his
pay for? He seems to know nothing
whatever about the affairs of his com
pany. Asked about the false advertise
ments his company publishes, he replied
that "the casual reader knew as much
concerning them as he did." Asked
why a policy which drew $-55.76 as a div
idend In 1S76 drew only In 1904, he
did not know. He knew. In fact, noth
ing about the lines along which the
company Is conducted'. What does he
draw his salary of 5150.000 a year for?
McCurdy explains that his extravagant
salary Is due to the prosperity of the
company; and one Is constrained to be
lieve that the diminishing dividends-are
also due to the prosperity of the com
pany. The more It prospers the more
the officers get and the less the policy
holders. The latter might wisely pray,
"Deliver us from prosperity."
There is a wider aspect of this mat
ter. Would McCurdy's Ignorance of the
affairs of his company be a valid de
fense In case he were to be prosecuted
for Its malfeasance? Paul Morton's Ig
norance of the business of the Santa Fe
Railroad was held to be a good defense
under similar conditions. If the plea
of ignorance Is valid In one case It Is
valid In alL Who, then, .Is responsible
for the crimes of a corporation? Is It
not criminal In a man to be Ignorant of
what it Is his duty to know? If that
Ignorance makes crime possible. Is he
not just as responsible as If he had. ex
pressly ordered the unlawful act? "Un
doubtedly he Is. It is replied that the
corporation itself Is responsible for Its
crimes, but the reply Is nonsense. The
metaphysical distinction between a
corporation and the men who compose
It outrages justice and mocks at com
mon sense. The men are the corpora
tion. The corporation's acts are their
acts, originated in their wills and car
ried out by their agents. It Is their
duty to know what their agents are
doing.
Consider how it goes upon the Paul
Morton analogy. The officer Is not re
sponsible because he Is Ignorant The
underling is not responsible because he
acted without criminal Intent Nobody
can be punished for a corporation's
crimes. It Is the Mr. Hyde of American
civilization elusive. Invisible, beyond
the reach of the law. The officers are
all good Dr. Jekylls who know noth
ing of the malfeasance of their horrible
other selves. Call yourself John and
commit a crime; call yourself James
when you come to be tried for It and
the law will clear you. That Is the
whole theory of corporate responsibility
as the authorities are now Inclined to
view the matter, and under that theory
McCurdy can never be brought to Jus
tice for his embezzlements. Talk of
angels dancing on the point of a needle!
That is no feat at all compared to what
American law can do when It comes to
helping a guilty corporation officer
wriggle away from justice.
ONE KIND OF SEATTLE SPIRIT.
The Seattle Post-Intelllgencer, with
that admirable spirit of fairness which
characterizes all of its utterances re
garding Portland or the Columbia
River?" on Monday, October 16, editor
ially stated that "whenever the Imaum
crosses the Columbia River bar and
gets "to sea with her present cargo
aboard, and with her present draft, the
Post-Intelllgericer will cheerfully pub
lish the fact, providing it can find the
information in the columns of The Ore
gonlan, to which It looks as authority."
This evidence of the Post-Intelligencer's
burning desire to print the facts re
garding the Imaum was printed In the
Post-Intelligencer nfearly forty - eight
hours after the steamer had crossed
the bar In safety, thirty-six hours after
the news had appeared In the Portland
evening papers, and twenty-four hours
after The Oregonlan and the Seattle
Times had printed the news. The Se
attle Times has not Infrequently drawn
the long bow In mentioning Columbia
River shipping matters, but It would
not perpetrate such palpable and Inex
cusable deception as that attempted by
the Post-Intelligencer, and It proceeds
to expose the morning puper in the fol
lowing vigorous style:
In this morning's Ifmio two-thirds of a
column of space I devoted bj.- the trrrapontl
ble' to profuse promises of accurate announce
ment In the event the Imaum paused out to
wa.
A casual reader of exchanges might have
discovered thin announcement in the Sunday
Times. But away with ueh authority, the
morning organ inferential!- declared. When
The Oregonlan announces the success of the
lmaum'6 crowing then will the arbiter of
the morning" organ's destinies consent to al
low a walUng public to know the facts.
The Oregonlan - of Sunday morning pub
lished the fact that the Imaum had put to
sea. . It published the statement In a promi
nent portion of the paper, reciting the pilot's
claim that the vessel had rcraned on the bar
and quoting those who watched the proceed.
Ing from shore and asserted the boat did not
touch. The eyes and the ears of the organ are
not for seeing or hearing these things that
disturb editorial conceptions of what ought
to.be.
Not content with this deliberate and
studied attempt to deceive Its readers
by misrepresenting matters regarding
the Imaum. the P.-I. drags forth one of
its fables of other days. To quote:
. According to this statement of The Ore
gonlan. the maximum draft of any vessel
which ever descended the Columbia River
from Portland, prior to the passage of the
imaum. was 24 feet 7 Inches. The Oregonlan.
some .years alnce. accused the Post-Intelll-gencer
of misrepresenting- conditions when this
newspaper suggested that It would be unsafe
to ead the battleship Oregon to Portland, be
cause no -csel of her draft had ever ap
proached that city or could do to. The draft
of the Oregon Is 2S feet, which, as the Ore
gonlan now eays. Is three reet five Inches
greater than the draft of any vessel whleh
ever . left Portland prior to this Immediate
time. Was naZ the Po.t-IntellIgener right In
it claim that It would be unsafe for the Ore
gon to go to Portland Certainly the Navy
Department so considered It. for the Oregon
did not ro.
The mean draft of the Oregon, as
given out officially. Is twenty-four feet
When running with full bunkers, stores
and equipment for a long ocean voyage,
her maximum draft is twenty-six feet.
When' the visit to Portland was contem
plated, her. navigating officers, com-.
munlcated with Columbia River
pilots and stated that'her draft on the
short voyage to Portland would be be
tween 22 feet fhches and 23 leet '9
inches, according to the amount of cdal
carried. The Oregonlan did accuse the
P.-I. of misrepresenting conditions at
that time, and in the statement that
the draft of the Oregon is 2S feet and
that it would be unsafe for her to come
to Portland, the Seattle paper reiterates
the misrepresentation. Such persistent
and unnnecessary- falsehood might .be
overlooked in a sheet making no pre
tensions to fairness and truth, but In a
paper of the P.-I.'s former reputation It
becomes decidedly reprehensible.
The hysterical Astorian states that
the credit for the present channel
across the bar Is due "to the big Gov
ernment dredge Chinook, that dug a
four-foot channel across the bar In the
Summer of 1904." As the British steam
ship Pembrokeshire, drawing twenty
six feet of water, crossed out In safety
In. 1903, the additional four feet placed
there by the Chinook would Indicate
that it was now possible to take out a
thirty-foot ship. It Is not at all certain
that this draft could be taken out In
safety, until -the jetty Is nearer comple
tion. Neither Is It at all certain that
the dredge Chinook made any impres
sion on. the bar. Up to date, the only
performance of the big dredge of which
we have accurate knowledge Is that she
distributed about 5S0OO per month in
Astoria, and incidentally ate a big hole
In the appropriation for deepening the
Columbia bar.
The Moorish brigands have captured
a couple of British marine officers, and
are holding them for ransom. The ran
som industry In Morocco has recently
been attaining proportions which do
not argue well for its continuance.
Great Britain alwaj's has a large num
ber of big warships cruising around the
world, and she Is likewise very partic
ular about the kind of treatment that Is
extended to her subjects. Under such
circumstances It Is quite probable that
the brigands who made this latest cap
ture have at the same time accumulated
a stock of trouble which may not easily
be discarded. Recent abductions in Mo
rocco, and the subsequent quick pay
ment of ransom, have been mildly ro
mantic, and It Is about time variety
was added to the- business by the Intro
duction of a little tragedy for the ab
ductors. A Russian Count name not neces
sary, for there are so many of these
pinchbeck gentlemen only, of course,
the name bristles with consonants and
ends In "ski" tells In St Louis how his
perfumed nobility was offerfded by the
Lewis and Clark Fair. "It was the
worst attempt at an exposition that he
ever had the misfortune to waste time
over," and he "wonders how they ever
had the nerve to advertise It -as an
attraction." Here Is the sort of gentle
men whom Japan has just "licked" so
thoroughly. Japan didn't do It too
soon, either. But these pretenders to
nobility and "culture," whipped so
completely by the Japanese strutting
up and uowh the world with lofty swell,
Ip.rdly airs, dirty finger nails and their
velvets and sables dropping vermin!
Pah! An ounce of civet, good apothe
cary. Lieutenant Burbank, of the United
States Army, will probably fall to ap
preciate the rapidity with which the
Filipinos are absorbing American
civilization. Under the warm skies
of , the Island possessions of UncJe
Sam he won the affections of
a dusky Filipino maiden and mar
ried her. On his return to America
love apparently grew cold, and when
he made arrangements to marry one
of his own color, the Filipino brlde(
brought suit and has secured a judg
ment giving her a monthly alimony.
Back of the story which the telegraph
tells there is undoubtedly plenty of
pathos and sorrow, for hearts break
just as easily under tropic skies as In
the colder north.
The fame of his family name Is a
source of annoyance to Secretary Bona
parte. From its Washington bureau
the New York Times has the state
ment that almost every day Secretary
Bonaparte finds In his mail begging let
ters from persons who Introduce them
selves as descendants (In destitute cir
cumstances) of great officers of the first
empire- Commonly the name of one of
the marshals Is used. The Ney de
scendants are much more numerously
represented In this assault on the Amer
ican Bonaparte pocketbook than any of
the other descendants. "The Secretary
Is fast becoming convinced," writes
the correspondent, "that Ney was the
original anti-race suicide apostle of
France."
John Kenworthy, who died at his
home on the East Side last Monday,
was a man who was useful In his day
and generation. He was nearly S6 years
of age at the time of his passing hence
Nature had some years ago set her seal
upon the limit of his usefulness. But
his upright life, his manifold deeds of
charity, his long service for humanity
In the care of the insane, and his Inter
est In education, are matters not mere
ly of memory, but of public and private
record. Nature, kind to him In her en
dowment of a generous, manly, helpful
spirit, was also kind at last In granting
his release from suffering and helpless
ness after his long day's work was done.
Says the Trlnevllle Review: "These
men, the 'unfortunate' land operators,
did not rob the Government of a penny;
they got no land, and If they ever at
tempted to do so, the attempt was
dropped dropped voluntarily, nor was
there evidence Introduced at either of
the trials showing that they had ever
meditated raking It up again." The
"unfortunate" highwaymen, foiled by
the Government and by officers of the
law, "got np money"; their attempt at
robbery "was dropped"; there was no
evidence at either of the trials that they
Intended ever to "take the road' again.
Innocence could not be more completely
established.
Certain presentments there are, com
ing almost dally to the notice of The
Oregonlan, which Indicate that this
journal does not please. Mn William
Ladd and th'e employes of his newspa
per scullery. That's all right, too. For
The Oregonlan is not published,, never
was, to please our local plutocracy.
Hence It started Its own organ, to work
Its pretensions and operations.
Andrew Carnegie says there are five
nation's which acting together could
banish war. They would better "ban
ish" the enormous robbers with which
the world Is afflicted. '
If a really disinterested opinion as to
what to do with that";i20,000 Is desired,
perhaps it would better be left to the
exclusive and Impartial few who sub
scribed nothing at all.
SILHOUETTES.
Jack London calls Battling Nelson an
abysmal brute. Wonder It ho means
anything by that?
It Is now In order for emotional
women to begin lugging flowers to
Joe Young.
i
Tf Portland only had a police force
composed of college boys from Pacific
University, this might be a safe place
to "live in.
m m m
If It is true that Amunden. the ex
plorer, his discovered thc long-sought
Northwest passage he should be given
some signal honor. Why not name a
breakfast food for him.
The press dispatches announce that
Bryan has accepted dinner engage
ments at Manila from the Americans,
the Filipinos and tho Elks. It la evi
dent that he is not particular.
Venezuela's troubles seem to be
equaled only by those of tho box ordi
nance. General" Constant Williams is brave
to the point of recklessness, .else he
wouldn't have started a light with the
Vancouver City Council.
It was mighty small of the Cor
negle hero fund commission to limit
the number of 'heroes In this country
to ten. They might at least have given
lenther medals to Richard Harding
Davis and Sherman Bell.
More Sumptuary Legislation.
(An Indiana reformer proposes to prevent the
sale of powder-puffs by legislative enactment.)
Suppress the puff!
Won't that Be tough?
Let's hope that it Is all a bluff
To make the girls quit making up
Their pretty faces with the stuff,'
The drugstores sell.
If it be true 'twill be so -sad.
Where can complexions then be had?
Such tyranny's enough, by gad
To make a perfect lady mud.
Ever once In a while something
happens that makes me hope there Is
a hell.
.
Olga Nethersolc has returned to
America, and long kisses will again
become popular.
A woman dropped dead In a bargain
counter rush in an Eastern city recent
ly. She was trying to get some challles
marked down from $1.03 to $1.97 and
couldn't for the life of her.
Diamonds are becoming more expen
sive every year and now are beyond
the rouch of many families. With the
chlldron at home crying for solitaires
and sunbursts. Is It any wonder the
downtrodden laboror becomes a so
cialist. At the Opry.
" The city relative took thc country
cousin to the theater and they sat in a
box. -"I don't like the acoustics of
this building," remarked the city rela
tlvo during the performance-
"I don't nuther," responded Coun
try Cousin. "By jacks, I'm a most
breakin my neck tryln to see the
acters from thls'n."
.
An Iowa woman Is suing for divorce
from her husband on the ground that
he hasn't taken a bath for 22 years.
It may bo aftor all that an occasional
bath helps make the course of true
love more smooth. .
Higher Education.
"Where are you going, my pretty
maid?"
"I'm going to college, sir," she said.
"Then you'll learn a lot about Greek
this Fall."
But she answered him haughtily: "Not
at all,
I'm taking Jlu jltsu and basket-ball."
The Autumn Leaves Is Falling.
The melancholy days have came;
The Autumn season's on the wane.
It won't do nothln now but rain
Just keep It up until the same
Old Summertime comes 'round again.
Kansas City claims to be tho largest
goat market In the world. If that Is
true, the butter trade must be lively
there.'
ART-IIUR A. GREENE.
Perils of the Types.
Exchange.
Nobody outside the journalistic profes
sion has any idea how difficult it Is for
an editor to please somo of his patrons.
For Instance, referring to a public man's
reputation for carelessness In the matter
of his toilet, a paper announced: "Mr.
Magulre will wash himself before he as
sumes the 'office of Town Clerk." This
made Magulre furious, and he demanded
a retraction, which appeared thus: "Mr.
Magulre requests us to deny that he will
wash himself before he assumes the office
of Town Clerk." Oddly enough, this only
enraged Magulre the more.
Automobiles In Ireland.
London Truth. '
In no country has the coming of the
motor made greater changes than In Ire
land. For one thing. It has now become
the fashion with those who are" entrusted
with high official positions in the country
to traVel throughout Its length and
breadth and see. for themselves the land
wribse destinies they are helping to rule
for the time being. Lord Dudley has
been all over Ireland, possibly not leav
ing a county unvislted. He has the dis
tinction of being the first Irish viceroy
for many years who has realized that
the sphere of his work lay in Ireland.
Slaying Up to Date.
Chicago News.
David was about to slay Goliath with
the tiny pehble when he tossed the cata
pult away and dropped the pebble.
"Can It be possible." exclaimed a
friend. In surprise, "that you are going
to -spare .the giant's life?"
"Oh. no," chuckled David, "but I am
not going to be so ancient as to use a
sling. I am going to drop the pebble
in his cauldron of soup when he is not
looking and give him appendicitis. That's
more modern."
And David' sneaked off to the giant's
kitchen to fulfill his mission.
The English Laugh.
New York Tribune.
The English seem to recognize, and enjoy
thler reputation for stolidity and taciturn
ity. The London Globe quotes an Amer
ican as asking a waiter In a restaurant:
"Doesn't any one ever laugh here?'
"Yes. sir." replied the waiter. "Some
times we have complaints about it."
THE LEFT AND JHE RIGHT OF IT
Chicago Tribune.
Evldontly President McCurdy's left
hand column does not know what its
rlght-iand column is doing. In other
words. Mr. McCurdy Is not aware of the
extent to which his advertising matter
conflicts with his statements on the wit
ness stand. In order that the conflict
may be exhibited in a graphic manner It
may bo well to employ the familiar
porallel columns. The testimony given
by Mr. McCurdy before the Investigating
committee In New York Is reported by the
Associated Press. "The advertisement ap
pears in Collier's Weekly tor this week
(October U), arid is signed "Richard A.
McCurdy, President."
il'CURDY'S TESTI
M'CURDrs ADVER
TISEMENT. Th mutual Life has
paid policy - hoWers
over $100,000,000 more
than any other Insur
ance company In ex
istence. Payments to
policy - holders are
now over $100,000 a
day. Will provide you
with an Income and
an estate.
The Mutual Life will
contract to pay you
at the end of H years'
a guaranteed Income
of $1000 a year for
life .and $25,000 to
your ""estate at your
death. IN THIS
PURELY MUTUAL
COMPANY POLICY
HOLDERS OWN
AND SHAKE ALL
THE PROFITS.
RICHARD A. M'CUR-
DY. President.
MONY.
There has been a
mislaur made about
the province of life
Insurance companies
in, these later years.
People have, been led
to believe that the
main purpose was to
make money for the
I, policy-holders. In my
f view that Is not the
purpose of such com
panies. They are elee
mosynary. When a
man In Insured in a
company he should
take Into considera
tion the fact that he
has entered a great
philanthropic c o n -cern
that Is In duty
bound to prea.d It
self, even though this
growth prevents him
from realizing as
much as he expected.
The purposa of the
Mutual vL.lfe Id not
money-making or de
claring dividends to
those who pay pre
miums. It was or
ganized as a great
beneficent and mis
sionary Institution.
The purpose was
not to pay one ceftt
during the lifetime of
the assured, but at
death.
In tho right-hand column an appeal Is
made to the personal cupidity of the
policy-holder. He Is not, Invited to In
vest his money In the hope of providing
for his family or protecting his business.
He Is promised a choice Investment and
an immediate return for himself, and
profits which shall accrue during his
lifetime. He Is not invited to assist a
philanthropic enterprise or join In a
movement to the benefit of humanity.
He Is simply offered a chance to make
money. The testimony In the left-hand
column was given .under oath by Rich
ard A. McCurdy. The advertisement in
the right-hand column Is signed by the
same Richard A. McCurdy.
McCurdy says in Exhibit A In the left
hand column: "People have been led to
believe that the main purpose of life
Insurance Is to make money for policy
holders." Nobody has been more in
strumental In leading people to this be
lief than McCurdy himself as he appears
In Exhibit B In the right-hand column.
Charms of October.
Louisville Courier-Journal.
If there Is one month which surpasses
all the others In Its glfui of natural
beauty, it is October. May has its devo
tees, "for May brings nature back to
life, clothes the trees with their raiment
of green and awaken? the flowers for a
season; but with all Its freshness and
fragrance May does not stir the blood
as does October. Stroll Into the woods
and see for yourself. For the next four
or five weeks there will be spice In the
air, a' tonic In the breeze and color
everywhere. Gaze from some eminence
across the land and observe the purple
haze that drapes the hills, looks at the
gorgeous radiance of the sunset, revel In
the masses of purple and gold and bronze
and- crimson that deck the trees. The
country resident has the spectacle all
about him; the city dweller can catch the
magic of It In the great parks at the
very edge of town. He cannot resist
the scene he" cannot scorn the sumach
and the dogwood and "the maple and tho
swectgum. He cannot turn a deaf ear
to the music of running water that
courses through the dying fernn, carry
ing fallen leaves upon its bosom. There
may be melancholy in the picture, but
It Is the melancholy of real beauty. It
Is u sadness that stimulates; it is not
the sadness of despair.
Failure of the Idle Illch.
Exchunge. I
The suicide of W. R. Travers. the New
York millionaire, was the outcome of one
of tho defective conditions of American
life the general failure" of members of
the second generation of wealthy fam
ilies to adjust themselves to their sur
roundings. If the sons of wealthy parents
happen to have a taste for business they
can get on comfortably, as the Vander
bllts. for Instance, have shown. But It
they are so unfortunte as to dislike a
commercial life, their lot Is apt to be
wretched. The dispatch regarding tho
Truvers suicide remarks that the un
fortunate man "never had any occupation
apart from the enjoyment of the fortune
In excess of a million dollars until a few
months ago, when from mere want of
anything, else to do, ie essayed a partner
ship In a bonk." But if experience has
demonstrated any one thing It is that
pleasure eludes those who make Its pur
suit their vocation, and that It must nec
essarily be manufactured as a sort -of
by-product to the serious business of life.
'Great Need or a Hotel Chaplain.
Lexington Wheatfleld.
An Indulgent father, wishing to
plcu.se his youngest hopeful, took him
to Portland the other day and they
stopped at one of the large hotels for,
the night. The youngest was undress
ed and put to bed and the father went
down Into the lobby, to talk business.
Then there came a Jingling of bells.
Indicating that the push-button in the
young man's room, who had "bejen left
quiet In bed, had been worked to tho
limit. There was a rush of feet as tho
bellboy scurried to the room, only to
be met at the door by the diminutive but
Indignant youth, who said severely: "Man,
I want you to send some one I can
say my prayers to, and send them
quick. I want to go to sleep."
Quips on a Current Topic.
New York Evening Post.
How appalling would be the loss of op
portunities if a nephewless bachelor
should become the president of a life in
surance company!
Concord (N. H.) Monitor.
On learning what the McCurdys got
from the Mutual Life, the Washington
Post relegates Jimmy Hyde to the ranks
of the mere pickers.
New Haven Register.
With proper apologies to Sti Matthew,
who was a parable maker of no .mean
merit, many are McCalled but few Mc
Curdled. It 3Hght Be Saltier, but Not Wetter.
Seaside Signal.
There Is a man in our town who Is such
a pessimist and chronic kicker that he
even kicks at the ocean. Says the water
Is not salty enough, and that It Is too
wet. He Is the same who, when residing
In Iowa, kicked about the Ice, because
it froze bottom side up. Some men will
kick.
In October.
Henry D. Thoreau.
October is the month for" painted leaves.
As fruits and' leaves and the day itself
acquire a bright tint Just before they fall,
so the year near Its setting. October is
its sunset sky; November the later twilight.
HENRY IRVING0F HIMSELF.
By H. J. -V. Dam. In McClure's.
The first theater I ever' visited
was Sadlers Wells, and this play was
'Hamlet. acted by Phelps. The theater,
the stage, the moving pictures, the whole
mass of strange Impression affected me.
I have never forgotten It, and never shall.
It took me a long time to assimilate, to
digest them. Even now, as I look back
to It, that first visit to the theater was
one of the memorable experiences of my
life.
"I think it was already then my ambi
tion to become an actor. That experience
crystallized It, Intensified It. augmented it
very forcibly. I prepared more dlllgenilj
than ever for the only future that I
longed for. There was an old actor at
Sadlers Wells. William Hosklni. who
liked me and believed In me sutliciently M
give me lessons. These were from elgl.r
to nine in the morning, before the arm t
of commerce and the movement of groat
markets clulmed my -personal attention.
At 10 I went to Sunderland, armed with
a letter from Hosklns, to the manager of
the Lyceum Theater there, and made my
first appearance In a small part in 'Rich
elieu.' In 1S56. It was my first appearance
as a profesilonal."
This way the beginning of the long per
iod of Sir Henry Irvlng's work as a pro
vincial actor. It Is a story which will
some day be told In all Ita minute ani
significant details. He summarfzes It,
however:
"For the next nine years," ho says,
"from 1S37 to 1S66. with the exception of
three months in London at the Princess
Theater, I was in the provinces, playing
all conceivable kinds of parts, and some
body has kindly taken the trouble to es
tablish their number 12S. At the end of
that time my salary was three pounds ten
shillings (about $17.30) per week, but I
believe this was the usual rate of prog
ress. It was fairly characteristic of the
times."
Resuming his autobiographical strain.
Sir Henry says:
"So far as I remember. I was even at
that time deemed most happily cast In
those characters which were eccentric
and extravagant. Those perhaps offered
the best outlet for my desire to make a
strong Impression; perhaps a tendency to
overdo. They also offered more return
than 'straight parts' for the pains I took
In some cases in getting them up; I
mean the Invention and elaboration of de
tails. I had to do whatever offered, and
even played women's parts sometimes In
pantomime and burlesque.
"You will understand, however." he con
tinues, "that my ten years' probation In
the country, which I look upon as of tho
greatest Importance, was perhaps the po
tential cause of any later acting success.
Every ambitious man has two fields of
conquest; the one without, the struggle
for life, the competition for the highest
honors In the arena where all men meet
on equal terms, the other, within himself.
We often put a false value on ourselves
the basis of that self-confidence which is
vitally necessary. But this false value
must in the .course of time be tempered,
chastened, transformed Into a true valua
tion through Increased knowledge of our
selves. Increased knowledge of the world,
and the view that the world takes of us.
Those who complain of lack of recogni
tion, who sit sighing for the time to ar
rive when the world will come to their
views of themselves, will sigh unavaillng-
iranomet must go to the mountain.
"There were hardships as well as
pleasures In those days. Too many, per
haps, to recount. Christmas once found
me, for instance, without money or
proper clothing. My underclothing was
umuicr unaerciotnmg. and It had been
so often to the laundries that it was
very Summery Indeed. I was Invited
by an old actor friend. Joe Robins, to
eat my Christmas dinner with his
family. Joe had formerly been a hosier
In a large way of business, and aban
doned socks for the buskin. When I ar
rived at his lodgings, he led me. to my
surprise, to a room upstairs, and mut
tered something Inarticulate, in an em
barrassed way. which t could not make
out. Then going to a well-stocked
wardrobe, he took out; a warm suit of
flannel. 'Here, old fellow, Ls a Christ
mas box: you must put the things on at
once.' I did so. and when we Joined the
family party, I was warm not only in
body, but In spirit. Such kindnesses as
this do more for those who have begun
to fear and falter than anything else.
"By that time I had lost a great many
Illusions, both as regarded my profes
sion and myself. But I never thought
of leaving It. I loved it. I loved It "
he repeats. "The way of art Is so long,
the hardships are so many, the ob
stacles are so great, that the man who
will succeed must have this love to sus
tain him. The love- of art is like a re
ligion; like the faith of the fanatic or
the zealot. Vanity, the belief in one's
self,' does well enough for the earlier
years. It is a beneficent provision or
Providence to carry us for a certain
distance on a career which, had we full
knowledge beforehand of Its difficulties,
we would never have the courage to at
tempt. But this vanity, this belief In
one's self, must sooner or later give
way. Then the love of art, the fixed
habits of hope and of effort, must come
to the rescue. If they do not come, the
worker falls. This is why the history of
art shows so many who have called
themselves and so few whom the world
has been so graciously inclined to num
ber among the chosen.
"In those days," he pursues reflective
ly. "I was very much of a dreamer, a
comparative Idler. Executively speak
ing. I was lazy. This gave me the text
of my address to the Harvard students
which was: 'Do, Don't Dream. It Is a
nice question. Like most other advlco
in this world. It Is easy to give, but
difficult to ioIIow. I am Inclined to
believe that, particularly In art. a mat
must dream of doing great things.' must
aim at the impossible highest, must
achieve the goal In his Imagination be
fore he can achieve It as a fact. Still I
would not suggest It as a general rule.
It might make the dreamers more Idle.
And there are no laws for human na
ture. Every Individual and his life out
come represents a special problem
which he alone can solve."
Tars Raise $10,000 to Entertain.
New York World.
To entertain properly the Jack tars of
the squadron of Prince Louis of Batten
berg, who Is coming here In November,
the enlisted men aboard Rear Admiral
Evan's battleship squadron have raised
31Q.O0O. Not a man in the fleet failed to
contribute, the Japanese stewards vicing
with the negro stokers. Some of the
fund is to be spent at Annapolis before
the squadron of Queen Victoria's grand
son gets to New York. It was said that
the original plan of having the American
warships convoy the British squadron
from Hampton Roads to the North river
had been abandoned as Impracticable.
The American ships will come from the
Chesapeake a day ahead of Prince Louis
squadron.
Hilcy's Rye Patch.
Success.
James Whltcomb Riley was looking over
a fence on his farm at a field of rye.
when a neighbor who was driving by
stopped his horse and asked: '
"Hullo. Mr. Riley; how's your rye do
ing?" "Fine, fine." replied the poet.
"How much do you expect to clear to
the acre?"
"Oh, about four gallons." answered Mr.
Riley, soberly.
Holidays in Japan.
Brooklyn Eagle.
There are only three national holidays
In Japan. January 1 Is one of them,
and the birthday of the reigning em
peror, November 3, is another. But Feb
ruary 11 Is the greatest of the three
dates, for It Is the anniversary of the
coronation of the first emperor, Jlmmu.
v