8 THE 3IORNIXG OBEGOiNXAN, WEDNESDAY; 0 OCTOBER 18, 1905. Entered at the Postoffico at Portland. Or.. as second-class matter. SUBSCRIPTION KATES. , INVARIABLY IN ADVANCE. fBy Mall or Express.) Pally and Sunday, per year 2"?n Ually and Sunday, six months 'po lAlty and Snnday. three months. . 5 Jjaily and Sunday, xer month iJaily without Sunday, per year -tJJ Uaily vrltfaoHt Sunday, six months 3.00 Jjaily without Sunday, trrao months l.j liati) without Sunday, per month n-0o Sunday. pr year Sunday, aU months..... L-j Sunday, three months Dally without Sunday, por week.-...- -5 Daily, por weelr. Sunday InoluSed THE WEEKLY ORBOONIAJf. (Issued '"Every Thursday.) "Weekly, per year....... L0 Vcklj, tx months Wf-rklj, three months...., -50 HOW TO REMIT Send postofflce money order, express order or personal check on your local bank. Stamps, coin or currency arc; at the sender's risk. $ j . EASTERN' BUSINESS' OFFICE. Tiio JJ. C. Bcckivlth Special Ai-ency New York., rooms 43-BO Tribune hulldlnc. Chicago, rooms C10-5K: Tribune building. KBIT OX SALE. Chicago Auditorium Annex. rostoffice Nnvr-Co., 178 Dearborn street. Denver Julius Black. Hamilton & Kend rnk, yeC-011! Sevontnth street; Pratt Book Store. 1214 Fifteenth street. Bcs Moines, la. Moses Jaoobs, 309 Fifth street. Goldflcld, Nov. F. Sandstrom: Guy Marsh. Kansas. City. Mo. Rlcksecker Cigar Co.. Ninth and Walnut. Los Angeles Harry Drapkln.- B. E. Amos, 514 Wet Seventh street; Dlllard News Co. Minneapolis M. J. Kavanaugh. 50 South Third. . Cleveland. O. James Tusnaw. 307 Superior ttreet. New York City L. Jones & Co.,' Astor Houee, Oakland. Cal. W. H. Johnston. Fourteenth and Franklin streets. OBden Goddard & Harrop; D. L. Boyle. Onuiha .Barlcalow Bros.. 1012 Farnam: Maeeath Stationery Co.. 1308 Farnam; 240 South 14th. . Sac.ramculo, Cnl. Sacramento" News Co., 420 K. street. Salt La'ke-Salt Lake News Co.. 77 Wost Second, street South; National News Agency. Lone; Beach B. B. Amos. isan Franclbco J. K. Cooper & Co.. 74C Market stroot; Goldsmith Bros.. 230 Sutter and Hbful St. Francis News Stand: L. E. Let. Palace Hotel News Stand; F. W. Pitts. J00S Market; Frank Scott. ' SO Ellis;. N. Whc alloy Movable News Stand, corner Mar ket jijmI Kearney streets; Foster & Orcar, Ferry News Stand. Washington, D, C Kbbitt House. Pcnnsyl Aanla .avenue. PORTLAND. WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 18?. THE PARTS OP IT AND THE WHOLE OF IT. Conditions at the mouth of the Co lumbia River present the really diffi cult problem' of our ocean and river commerce. A deep ship channel from Portland to the sea Is by no means so difficult as improvement of the bar. It is far easier to make and maintain a channel of "So feet from Portland to the bar than to establish and maintain safe passage over the bar for vessels of such draft, up and down the river. The ocean bar therefore presents the prob lem of greatest moment The complaint that Astoria has al ways made against Portland Is, how ever, that Portland has insisted also on improvement of the river channels, as well as active work upon the ocean jttty and bar. This is the source of all the tirades against Portland In the Astoria "press. It is the source of the fresh- stream of maudlin vituperation from that quarter, now in full flux. Uuernnient during many years -has done little for the rrver channels, com pared with what Portland has done, md little Indeed for the river channels compared with what It has done for the ocean bar. ,Yet the river channel from Portland to the sea. will carry any ves sel in safety that can possibly cross out. The problem Is at the bar, not In the rivers. But Portland Is using her .utmost ef forts, and -always has done so, for push ing work on the jet,ty and improvement of the 'bar. It ie silly misrepresenta tion on the part of the Astorian to say. as it does, that an "anti-Astoria lobby" i'ver was organized at Portland, by any body, at any time, and sent to Wash ington to oppose the jetty scheme, or any other for improvement at the bar. For Portland Is by just so much more interested in a deep channel at the en i ranee of the Columbia River, as Its po sition. Its commerce. Its size and Im portance as a city exceed all that As toria is, has. or. can hope to become. Everything that has been done for the jetty and bar during all the years that have passed has been done through the direct efforts or continual assistance of Portland; and now Portland Is sending o-i ue more to Washington one of the representative men of her commercial IsfV. te assist in obtaining further nec essary appropriation for continuance of ork, without Interruption, on the jetty. The key to the commerce of the great Columbia Valley is there; Portland may "perhaps be given credit for sense lo know that vessels that can't cross the bar can't reach Portland from the sea, or thesea from Portland. But is- Port ed nd to be censured because she insists on. river Improvement also, and puts up her own .money for it? May the benr not suck his own paws In Winter or in Summer, If he wants to? Finally, iet all emphasis -be laid on the fact again and again that the real difficulty of the situation the real dif ficulty lies at the mouth of the river. Portland, of course, cannot furnish the money for the Jetty. It is too great an undertaking. Only the General Govern ment can cope with it. But Portland has put a great deal of money into the river channels, and will put in more yet. The result of river work is demonstra tion that the rivers are more easy of improvement lo any, required depth than the bar. Any vessel that can cross In or out .can come to Portland or go from Portland. And while Port land will continue to do all the work in her power for further improvement at the mouth of the Columbia, she will not cease her efforts for deeper river channels, nor fail to insist that im provement of the river channels is a legitimate and proper part of govern ment's duty and function also. OUR HOLY PLUTOCRACY. The- lowest bidder , for the pipe for the now water mains of Portland can not haVe the contract, because the Ladd people, who control the Oswego Iron Works, -want It. and William M. Ladd is president of the Oswego Iron Works and head of the Water Commission of the City of Portland. For these rea sons, and under these conditions, the City -of Portland cannot get lowest prices for pipe for Its new water mains. Thesame influence is paramount In street pavement, since the Ladd estate rontrols the asphalt company, with which competition Is not. to be permit ted. Its Influence is paramount in all the operations of the city, under the presept Mayor. It contributed all its efforts ysCaa .no little money tb elect him. I The Executive"Board, appointed by the Mayor, Is under the Ladd dictation. And the municipal government Is used, and is to be used In every affair, and at every time. In the same general di rection. The object of 'this plutocratic effort is to govern the City of Portland and the State of Oregon, for private ag grandiztjmenL It will strive to control the legislative power and the courts of the state, as well as the municipality of Portland. In such matters as the John son estate and the Marquam estate, and many more, what opportunities, If the courts should be complaisant! Here is a plutocracy that already has established Jts power, in large degree, over the government of the City of Portland, and hopes to establish It over the State of Oregon. It Is ut terly unscrupulous; it pretends to vlr- tue, indeed, but that always Is part of the game or an msiaious out grasping plutocracy1 It usually falls In with the creed of some orthodox church that money prevails with, and promotes Christian and philanthropic associa tions. In Portland this greed, masquerading in the garb of virtue, philanthropy and holiness, cannot become the permanent ..governing , force. It will be turned down and out the very next time the people go to the voting booths. OUR FAITHFUL WOUNDS. The list of foreigners whom America does not please Is long, respectable and constantly growing. The last to point out our shortcomings is the Russian Count, or alleged Count, Molynski. and while, of course, we shrink and shudder under his faithful castlgation, we re alize, nevertheless, the great honor he does us to occupy his noble attention with a Nation so lowly as ours Is upon the whole, and we are truly grateful that he should have found one small spot which deserved to be called "de lightful." Such a spot he did actually And, and It was Newport, the Paradise of automobile-steering-dudes and mon key dinners. Count Molynski and his predecessdrs have all criticised us. but naturally each one has pointed out the particular defects which his own vir tues would make most conspicuous to him. The Count, for example, being fond of Gay Paree, where he nightly dances the cancan and sings as he flings his aristocratic legs high In the perfumed atmosphere, "Je suls de bon ton de Paris, I drink the divine eau de vie," deplores the' -moral and social In adequacies of a country where the can can Is not danced. Naturally also he finds It -most homelike In a city like Newport, where the manners of the demimonde are most In fashion. Our critics in the past have been mainly Englishmen, though, let it be thank fully noted, other natlonsyhave not dealt too leniently with our faults. Harriet Martineau and Mrs. Trollope scolded us faithfully to our lasting edi fication. Charles Dickens spanked us, morally speaking, with paternal vigor, and it must be admitted that his blows were at the time he gave them well de served. In later editions of Martin Chuzzlewit the great censor of Anglo Saxon manners and institutions himself conceded that his early strictures had been not wholly without avail. If he were now alive he would be cheered to perceive still greater advancement In social amenitypart of which he might possibly .attribute to his own admoni tions. The statesmen of his day all chewed tobacco and Irrigated the stove hearth with the surplus product. Sure ly Mr. Depew does nothing of the sort, and probably even Mr. LaFollette knows the use of a cuspidor. All our spellbinders still eat with their knives, as they did In the days of Dickens, but It is doubtful .whether they now lick the blade off before cutting butter with it, as they did then. The fashion Is nowadays to wipe it carefully on the coat tails. American real estate agents no longer allure confiding Englishmen to buy town lots In -miasmatic swamps, as Zephanlah Scadder did Martin and Mark Tapley. All the swamps have been settled and drained, and we are now locating our Edens In the sage brush. Thus civilization marches on, but it has not marchet far onough to satisfy Count Molynski. The noble countryman of Kuropatkln and Rojestvensky finds little except Newport to please him In ajl this broad land, and nothing at all west of the Mississippi. The Lewis and Clark Fair, he says, was about the poorest apology for a big show he e'ver ran across. He" wonders how we had the nerve lo ad vertise it as an attraction to the truly cultured. The Trail, which was. of course, the only part of. the Fair the Count would care to visit, was defect ive. One must confess the soft Impeach ment, though with tears. There was a Gay Paree, to be sure but It was a lem onade sort of Paree to the noble Count, well enough for uncultured bumpkins, but without the tang of the real thing. The time he spent there he counts as lost; it was wasted. So many golden hours slipped away into eternity with no soul growth. The Russian aristo crat's ideal of how to spend time profit ably was well known to the manage ment of the Fair, and they knew also that visitors would be present from thaf enlightened and progressive land. They should, have made some provision to entertain these sojourners in accord ance with their advanced tastes. Some grisettes, plenty of champagne, an apartment secluded from vulgar Intru sion, a few simple means of Improve ment like these might easily have been provided, and would have saved the Fair from stinging criticisms. Count Molynski found the landscope out West well enough, though nothing to compare with his native, tundras, but the people were simply awful; no culture at all, no respect for aristocratic manners. The railway conductors and all the other servants were insolent to him. Not one really polite person did he meet west of Newport Clearly the Count was unfortunate in his acquaint ances. If he had come with the right kind. of introductions he would have gained admittance to an Ibsen, or at least a Browning, club In some Western town, and then how all his ideas about. our unregenerate state would have changed instantly! He never heard, one can easily see. that we have a Bud dhist church in Chicago and have de veloped Yogis and Mahatmas of our own In that soul center. We have not yet attained the spiritual grace to de light In massacring Jews, but we can burn a negro at the stake with real theological refinement, and we under stand the art of mobbing Chinese cool ies. The Count will see, therefore, that we are not a hopeless case by any means, though our shortcomings are only tpo patent. If we.only had a Po-biedonostseff- to hasten our halting steps In the pathway to true culture, who can say how soon we should have some; sort of American substitute for Cossacks- murdering Jewish -women on the streets of New York? Is this not an Ideal worth striving for? Let us be thankful to our critics who do so much to keep us humble and waken In us at the same time such lofty aspirations. M'CURDrs IGNORANCE. "If there Is a better way of conduct ing this investigation, Mr. McCurdy." said Chairman Armstrong, "we should be most happy to learn it." The chair man of the investigating committee may possess his soul in peace. There Is no better way. For once, and for a wonder, perhaps, an Investigating com mittee has attained perfection In method and results. The public has learned more about life Insurance slrice Mr. Hughes began his questionings than It ever knew before; but some thing still" remains to learn. For exam ple, what does Mr. McGurdy draw his pay for? He seems to know nothing whatever about the affairs of his com pany. Asked about the false advertise ments his company publishes, he replied that "the casual reader knew as much concerning them as he did." Asked why a policy which drew $-55.76 as a div idend In 1S76 drew only In 1904, he did not know. He knew. In fact, noth ing about the lines along which the company Is conducted'. What does he draw his salary of 5150.000 a year for? McCurdy explains that his extravagant salary Is due to the prosperity of the company; and one Is constrained to be lieve that the diminishing dividends-are also due to the prosperity of the com pany. The more It prospers the more the officers get and the less the policy holders. The latter might wisely pray, "Deliver us from prosperity." There is a wider aspect of this mat ter. Would McCurdy's Ignorance of the affairs of his company be a valid de fense In case he were to be prosecuted for Its malfeasance? Paul Morton's Ig norance of the business of the Santa Fe Railroad was held to be a good defense under similar conditions. If the plea of ignorance Is valid In one case It Is valid In alL Who, then, .Is responsible for the crimes of a corporation? Is It not criminal In a man to be Ignorant of what it Is his duty to know? If that Ignorance makes crime possible. Is he not just as responsible as If he had. ex pressly ordered the unlawful act? "Un doubtedly he Is. It is replied that the corporation itself Is responsible for Its crimes, but the reply Is nonsense. The metaphysical distinction between a corporation and the men who compose It outrages justice and mocks at com mon sense. The men are the corpora tion. The corporation's acts are their acts, originated in their wills and car ried out by their agents. It Is their duty to know what their agents are doing. Consider how it goes upon the Paul Morton analogy. The officer Is not re sponsible because he Is Ignorant The underling is not responsible because he acted without criminal Intent Nobody can be punished for a corporation's crimes. It Is the Mr. Hyde of American civilization elusive. Invisible, beyond the reach of the law. The officers are all good Dr. Jekylls who know noth ing of the malfeasance of their horrible other selves. Call yourself John and commit a crime; call yourself James when you come to be tried for It and the law will clear you. That Is the whole theory of corporate responsibility as the authorities are now Inclined to view the matter, and under that theory McCurdy can never be brought to Jus tice for his embezzlements. Talk of angels dancing on the point of a needle! That is no feat at all compared to what American law can do when It comes to helping a guilty corporation officer wriggle away from justice. ONE KIND OF SEATTLE SPIRIT. The Seattle Post-Intelllgencer, with that admirable spirit of fairness which characterizes all of its utterances re garding Portland or the Columbia River?" on Monday, October 16, editor ially stated that "whenever the Imaum crosses the Columbia River bar and gets "to sea with her present cargo aboard, and with her present draft, the Post-Intelllgericer will cheerfully pub lish the fact, providing it can find the information in the columns of The Ore gonlan, to which It looks as authority." This evidence of the Post-Intelligencer's burning desire to print the facts re garding the Imaum was printed In the Post-Intelligencer nfearly forty - eight hours after the steamer had crossed the bar In safety, thirty-six hours after the news had appeared In the Portland evening papers, and twenty-four hours after The Oregonlan and the Seattle Times had printed the news. The Se attle Times has not Infrequently drawn the long bow In mentioning Columbia River shipping matters, but It would not perpetrate such palpable and Inex cusable deception as that attempted by the Post-Intelligencer, and It proceeds to expose the morning puper in the fol lowing vigorous style: In this morning's Ifmio two-thirds of a column of space I devoted bj.- the trrrapontl ble' to profuse promises of accurate announce ment In the event the Imaum paused out to wa. A casual reader of exchanges might have discovered thin announcement in the Sunday Times. But away with ueh authority, the morning organ inferential!- declared. When The Oregonlan announces the success of the lmaum'6 crowing then will the arbiter of the morning" organ's destinies consent to al low a walUng public to know the facts. The Oregonlan - of Sunday morning pub lished the fact that the Imaum had put to sea. . It published the statement In a promi nent portion of the paper, reciting the pilot's claim that the vessel had rcraned on the bar and quoting those who watched the proceed. Ing from shore and asserted the boat did not touch. The eyes and the ears of the organ are not for seeing or hearing these things that disturb editorial conceptions of what ought to.be. Not content with this deliberate and studied attempt to deceive Its readers by misrepresenting matters regarding the Imaum. the P.-I. drags forth one of its fables of other days. To quote: . According to this statement of The Ore gonlan. the maximum draft of any vessel which ever descended the Columbia River from Portland, prior to the passage of the imaum. was 24 feet 7 Inches. The Oregonlan. some .years alnce. accused the Post-Intelll-gencer of misrepresenting- conditions when this newspaper suggested that It would be unsafe to ead the battleship Oregon to Portland, be cause no -csel of her draft had ever ap proached that city or could do to. The draft of the Oregon Is 2S feet, which, as the Ore gonlan now eays. Is three reet five Inches greater than the draft of any vessel whleh ever . left Portland prior to this Immediate time. Was naZ the Po.t-IntellIgener right In it claim that It would be unsafe for the Ore gon to go to Portland Certainly the Navy Department so considered It. for the Oregon did not ro. The mean draft of the Oregon, as given out officially. Is twenty-four feet When running with full bunkers, stores and equipment for a long ocean voyage, her maximum draft is twenty-six feet. When' the visit to Portland was contem plated, her. navigating officers, com-. munlcated with Columbia River pilots and stated that'her draft on the short voyage to Portland would be be tween 22 feet fhches and 23 leet '9 inches, according to the amount of cdal carried. The Oregonlan did accuse the P.-I. of misrepresenting conditions at that time, and in the statement that the draft of the Oregon is 2S feet and that it would be unsafe for her to come to Portland, the Seattle paper reiterates the misrepresentation. Such persistent and unnnecessary- falsehood might .be overlooked in a sheet making no pre tensions to fairness and truth, but In a paper of the P.-I.'s former reputation It becomes decidedly reprehensible. The hysterical Astorian states that the credit for the present channel across the bar Is due "to the big Gov ernment dredge Chinook, that dug a four-foot channel across the bar In the Summer of 1904." As the British steam ship Pembrokeshire, drawing twenty six feet of water, crossed out In safety In. 1903, the additional four feet placed there by the Chinook would Indicate that it was now possible to take out a thirty-foot ship. It Is not at all certain that this draft could be taken out In safety, until -the jetty Is nearer comple tion. Neither Is It at all certain that the dredge Chinook made any impres sion on. the bar. Up to date, the only performance of the big dredge of which we have accurate knowledge Is that she distributed about 5S0OO per month in Astoria, and incidentally ate a big hole In the appropriation for deepening the Columbia bar. The Moorish brigands have captured a couple of British marine officers, and are holding them for ransom. The ran som industry In Morocco has recently been attaining proportions which do not argue well for its continuance. Great Britain alwaj's has a large num ber of big warships cruising around the world, and she Is likewise very partic ular about the kind of treatment that Is extended to her subjects. Under such circumstances It Is quite probable that the brigands who made this latest cap ture have at the same time accumulated a stock of trouble which may not easily be discarded. Recent abductions in Mo rocco, and the subsequent quick pay ment of ransom, have been mildly ro mantic, and It Is about time variety was added to the- business by the Intro duction of a little tragedy for the ab ductors. A Russian Count name not neces sary, for there are so many of these pinchbeck gentlemen only, of course, the name bristles with consonants and ends In "ski" tells In St Louis how his perfumed nobility was offerfded by the Lewis and Clark Fair. "It was the worst attempt at an exposition that he ever had the misfortune to waste time over," and he "wonders how they ever had the nerve to advertise It -as an attraction." Here Is the sort of gentle men whom Japan has just "licked" so thoroughly. Japan didn't do It too soon, either. But these pretenders to nobility and "culture," whipped so completely by the Japanese strutting up and uowh the world with lofty swell, Ip.rdly airs, dirty finger nails and their velvets and sables dropping vermin! Pah! An ounce of civet, good apothe cary. Lieutenant Burbank, of the United States Army, will probably fall to ap preciate the rapidity with which the Filipinos are absorbing American civilization. Under the warm skies of , the Island possessions of UncJe Sam he won the affections of a dusky Filipino maiden and mar ried her. On his return to America love apparently grew cold, and when he made arrangements to marry one of his own color, the Filipino brlde( brought suit and has secured a judg ment giving her a monthly alimony. Back of the story which the telegraph tells there is undoubtedly plenty of pathos and sorrow, for hearts break just as easily under tropic skies as In the colder north. The fame of his family name Is a source of annoyance to Secretary Bona parte. From its Washington bureau the New York Times has the state ment that almost every day Secretary Bonaparte finds In his mail begging let ters from persons who Introduce them selves as descendants (In destitute cir cumstances) of great officers of the first empire- Commonly the name of one of the marshals Is used. The Ney de scendants are much more numerously represented In this assault on the Amer ican Bonaparte pocketbook than any of the other descendants. "The Secretary Is fast becoming convinced," writes the correspondent, "that Ney was the original anti-race suicide apostle of France." John Kenworthy, who died at his home on the East Side last Monday, was a man who was useful In his day and generation. He was nearly S6 years of age at the time of his passing hence Nature had some years ago set her seal upon the limit of his usefulness. But his upright life, his manifold deeds of charity, his long service for humanity In the care of the insane, and his Inter est In education, are matters not mere ly of memory, but of public and private record. Nature, kind to him In her en dowment of a generous, manly, helpful spirit, was also kind at last In granting his release from suffering and helpless ness after his long day's work was done. Says the Trlnevllle Review: "These men, the 'unfortunate' land operators, did not rob the Government of a penny; they got no land, and If they ever at tempted to do so, the attempt was dropped dropped voluntarily, nor was there evidence Introduced at either of the trials showing that they had ever meditated raking It up again." The "unfortunate" highwaymen, foiled by the Government and by officers of the law, "got np money"; their attempt at robbery "was dropped"; there was no evidence at either of the trials that they Intended ever to "take the road' again. Innocence could not be more completely established. Certain presentments there are, com ing almost dally to the notice of The Oregonlan, which Indicate that this journal does not please. Mn William Ladd and th'e employes of his newspa per scullery. That's all right, too. For The Oregonlan is not published,, never was, to please our local plutocracy. Hence It started Its own organ, to work Its pretensions and operations. Andrew Carnegie says there are five nation's which acting together could banish war. They would better "ban ish" the enormous robbers with which the world Is afflicted. ' If a really disinterested opinion as to what to do with that";i20,000 Is desired, perhaps it would better be left to the exclusive and Impartial few who sub scribed nothing at all. SILHOUETTES. Jack London calls Battling Nelson an abysmal brute. Wonder It ho means anything by that? It Is now In order for emotional women to begin lugging flowers to Joe Young. i Tf Portland only had a police force composed of college boys from Pacific University, this might be a safe place to "live in. m m m If It is true that Amunden. the ex plorer, his discovered thc long-sought Northwest passage he should be given some signal honor. Why not name a breakfast food for him. The press dispatches announce that Bryan has accepted dinner engage ments at Manila from the Americans, the Filipinos and tho Elks. It la evi dent that he is not particular. Venezuela's troubles seem to be equaled only by those of tho box ordi nance. General" Constant Williams is brave to the point of recklessness, .else he wouldn't have started a light with the Vancouver City Council. It was mighty small of the Cor negle hero fund commission to limit the number of 'heroes In this country to ten. They might at least have given lenther medals to Richard Harding Davis and Sherman Bell. More Sumptuary Legislation. (An Indiana reformer proposes to prevent the sale of powder-puffs by legislative enactment.) Suppress the puff! Won't that Be tough? Let's hope that it Is all a bluff To make the girls quit making up Their pretty faces with the stuff,' The drugstores sell. If it be true 'twill be so -sad. Where can complexions then be had? Such tyranny's enough, by gad To make a perfect lady mud. Ever once In a while something happens that makes me hope there Is a hell. . Olga Nethersolc has returned to America, and long kisses will again become popular. A woman dropped dead In a bargain counter rush in an Eastern city recent ly. She was trying to get some challles marked down from $1.03 to $1.97 and couldn't for the life of her. Diamonds are becoming more expen sive every year and now are beyond the rouch of many families. With the chlldron at home crying for solitaires and sunbursts. Is It any wonder the downtrodden laboror becomes a so cialist. At the Opry. " The city relative took thc country cousin to the theater and they sat in a box. -"I don't like the acoustics of this building," remarked the city rela tlvo during the performance- "I don't nuther," responded Coun try Cousin. "By jacks, I'm a most breakin my neck tryln to see the acters from thls'n." . An Iowa woman Is suing for divorce from her husband on the ground that he hasn't taken a bath for 22 years. It may bo aftor all that an occasional bath helps make the course of true love more smooth. . Higher Education. "Where are you going, my pretty maid?" "I'm going to college, sir," she said. "Then you'll learn a lot about Greek this Fall." But she answered him haughtily: "Not at all, I'm taking Jlu jltsu and basket-ball." The Autumn Leaves Is Falling. The melancholy days have came; The Autumn season's on the wane. It won't do nothln now but rain Just keep It up until the same Old Summertime comes 'round again. Kansas City claims to be tho largest goat market In the world. If that Is true, the butter trade must be lively there.' ART-IIUR A. GREENE. Perils of the Types. Exchange. Nobody outside the journalistic profes sion has any idea how difficult it Is for an editor to please somo of his patrons. For Instance, referring to a public man's reputation for carelessness In the matter of his toilet, a paper announced: "Mr. Magulre will wash himself before he as sumes the 'office of Town Clerk." This made Magulre furious, and he demanded a retraction, which appeared thus: "Mr. Magulre requests us to deny that he will wash himself before he assumes the office of Town Clerk." Oddly enough, this only enraged Magulre the more. Automobiles In Ireland. London Truth. ' In no country has the coming of the motor made greater changes than In Ire land. For one thing. It has now become the fashion with those who are" entrusted with high official positions in the country to traVel throughout Its length and breadth and see. for themselves the land wribse destinies they are helping to rule for the time being. Lord Dudley has been all over Ireland, possibly not leav ing a county unvislted. He has the dis tinction of being the first Irish viceroy for many years who has realized that the sphere of his work lay in Ireland. Slaying Up to Date. Chicago News. David was about to slay Goliath with the tiny pehble when he tossed the cata pult away and dropped the pebble. "Can It be possible." exclaimed a friend. In surprise, "that you are going to -spare .the giant's life?" "Oh. no," chuckled David, "but I am not going to be so ancient as to use a sling. I am going to drop the pebble in his cauldron of soup when he is not looking and give him appendicitis. That's more modern." And David' sneaked off to the giant's kitchen to fulfill his mission. The English Laugh. New York Tribune. The English seem to recognize, and enjoy thler reputation for stolidity and taciturn ity. The London Globe quotes an Amer ican as asking a waiter In a restaurant: "Doesn't any one ever laugh here?' "Yes. sir." replied the waiter. "Some times we have complaints about it." THE LEFT AND JHE RIGHT OF IT Chicago Tribune. Evldontly President McCurdy's left hand column does not know what its rlght-iand column is doing. In other words. Mr. McCurdy Is not aware of the extent to which his advertising matter conflicts with his statements on the wit ness stand. In order that the conflict may be exhibited in a graphic manner It may bo well to employ the familiar porallel columns. The testimony given by Mr. McCurdy before the Investigating committee In New York Is reported by the Associated Press. "The advertisement ap pears in Collier's Weekly tor this week (October U), arid is signed "Richard A. McCurdy, President." il'CURDY'S TESTI M'CURDrs ADVER TISEMENT. Th mutual Life has paid policy - hoWers over $100,000,000 more than any other Insur ance company In ex istence. Payments to policy - holders are now over $100,000 a day. Will provide you with an Income and an estate. The Mutual Life will contract to pay you at the end of H years' a guaranteed Income of $1000 a year for life .and $25,000 to your ""estate at your death. IN THIS PURELY MUTUAL COMPANY POLICY HOLDERS OWN AND SHAKE ALL THE PROFITS. RICHARD A. M'CUR- DY. President. MONY. There has been a mislaur made about the province of life Insurance companies in, these later years. People have, been led to believe that the main purpose was to make money for the I, policy-holders. In my f view that Is not the purpose of such com panies. They are elee mosynary. When a man In Insured in a company he should take Into considera tion the fact that he has entered a great philanthropic c o n -cern that Is In duty bound to prea.d It self, even though this growth prevents him from realizing as much as he expected. The purposa of the Mutual vL.lfe Id not money-making or de claring dividends to those who pay pre miums. It was or ganized as a great beneficent and mis sionary Institution. The purpose was not to pay one ceftt during the lifetime of the assured, but at death. In tho right-hand column an appeal Is made to the personal cupidity of the policy-holder. He Is not, Invited to In vest his money In the hope of providing for his family or protecting his business. He Is promised a choice Investment and an immediate return for himself, and profits which shall accrue during his lifetime. He Is not invited to assist a philanthropic enterprise or join In a movement to the benefit of humanity. He Is simply offered a chance to make money. The testimony In the left-hand column was given .under oath by Rich ard A. McCurdy. The advertisement in the right-hand column Is signed by the same Richard A. McCurdy. McCurdy says in Exhibit A In the left hand column: "People have been led to believe that the main purpose of life Insurance Is to make money for policy holders." Nobody has been more in strumental In leading people to this be lief than McCurdy himself as he appears In Exhibit B In the right-hand column. Charms of October. Louisville Courier-Journal. If there Is one month which surpasses all the others In Its glfui of natural beauty, it is October. May has its devo tees, "for May brings nature back to life, clothes the trees with their raiment of green and awaken? the flowers for a season; but with all Its freshness and fragrance May does not stir the blood as does October. Stroll Into the woods and see for yourself. For the next four or five weeks there will be spice In the air, a' tonic In the breeze and color everywhere. Gaze from some eminence across the land and observe the purple haze that drapes the hills, looks at the gorgeous radiance of the sunset, revel In the masses of purple and gold and bronze and- crimson that deck the trees. The country resident has the spectacle all about him; the city dweller can catch the magic of It In the great parks at the very edge of town. He cannot resist the scene he" cannot scorn the sumach and the dogwood and "the maple and tho swectgum. He cannot turn a deaf ear to the music of running water that courses through the dying fernn, carry ing fallen leaves upon its bosom. There may be melancholy in the picture, but It Is the melancholy of real beauty. It Is u sadness that stimulates; it is not the sadness of despair. Failure of the Idle Illch. Exchunge. I The suicide of W. R. Travers. the New York millionaire, was the outcome of one of tho defective conditions of American life the general failure" of members of the second generation of wealthy fam ilies to adjust themselves to their sur roundings. If the sons of wealthy parents happen to have a taste for business they can get on comfortably, as the Vander bllts. for Instance, have shown. But It they are so unfortunte as to dislike a commercial life, their lot Is apt to be wretched. The dispatch regarding tho Truvers suicide remarks that the un fortunate man "never had any occupation apart from the enjoyment of the fortune In excess of a million dollars until a few months ago, when from mere want of anything, else to do, ie essayed a partner ship In a bonk." But if experience has demonstrated any one thing It is that pleasure eludes those who make Its pur suit their vocation, and that It must nec essarily be manufactured as a sort -of by-product to the serious business of life. 'Great Need or a Hotel Chaplain. Lexington Wheatfleld. An Indulgent father, wishing to plcu.se his youngest hopeful, took him to Portland the other day and they stopped at one of the large hotels for, the night. The youngest was undress ed and put to bed and the father went down Into the lobby, to talk business. Then there came a Jingling of bells. Indicating that the push-button in the young man's room, who had "bejen left quiet In bed, had been worked to tho limit. There was a rush of feet as tho bellboy scurried to the room, only to be met at the door by the diminutive but Indignant youth, who said severely: "Man, I want you to send some one I can say my prayers to, and send them quick. I want to go to sleep." Quips on a Current Topic. New York Evening Post. How appalling would be the loss of op portunities if a nephewless bachelor should become the president of a life in surance company! Concord (N. H.) Monitor. On learning what the McCurdys got from the Mutual Life, the Washington Post relegates Jimmy Hyde to the ranks of the mere pickers. New Haven Register. With proper apologies to Sti Matthew, who was a parable maker of no .mean merit, many are McCalled but few Mc Curdled. It 3Hght Be Saltier, but Not Wetter. Seaside Signal. There Is a man in our town who Is such a pessimist and chronic kicker that he even kicks at the ocean. Says the water Is not salty enough, and that It Is too wet. He Is the same who, when residing In Iowa, kicked about the Ice, because it froze bottom side up. Some men will kick. In October. Henry D. Thoreau. October is the month for" painted leaves. As fruits and' leaves and the day itself acquire a bright tint Just before they fall, so the year near Its setting. October is its sunset sky; November the later twilight. HENRY IRVING0F HIMSELF. By H. J. -V. Dam. In McClure's. The first theater I ever' visited was Sadlers Wells, and this play was 'Hamlet. acted by Phelps. The theater, the stage, the moving pictures, the whole mass of strange Impression affected me. I have never forgotten It, and never shall. It took me a long time to assimilate, to digest them. Even now, as I look back to It, that first visit to the theater was one of the memorable experiences of my life. "I think it was already then my ambi tion to become an actor. That experience crystallized It, Intensified It. augmented it very forcibly. I prepared more dlllgenilj than ever for the only future that I longed for. There was an old actor at Sadlers Wells. William Hosklni. who liked me and believed In me sutliciently M give me lessons. These were from elgl.r to nine in the morning, before the arm t of commerce and the movement of groat markets clulmed my -personal attention. At 10 I went to Sunderland, armed with a letter from Hosklns, to the manager of the Lyceum Theater there, and made my first appearance In a small part in 'Rich elieu.' In 1S56. It was my first appearance as a profesilonal." This way the beginning of the long per iod of Sir Henry Irvlng's work as a pro vincial actor. It Is a story which will some day be told In all Ita minute ani significant details. He summarfzes It, however: "For the next nine years," ho says, "from 1S37 to 1S66. with the exception of three months in London at the Princess Theater, I was in the provinces, playing all conceivable kinds of parts, and some body has kindly taken the trouble to es tablish their number 12S. At the end of that time my salary was three pounds ten shillings (about $17.30) per week, but I believe this was the usual rate of prog ress. It was fairly characteristic of the times." Resuming his autobiographical strain. Sir Henry says: "So far as I remember. I was even at that time deemed most happily cast In those characters which were eccentric and extravagant. Those perhaps offered the best outlet for my desire to make a strong Impression; perhaps a tendency to overdo. They also offered more return than 'straight parts' for the pains I took In some cases in getting them up; I mean the Invention and elaboration of de tails. I had to do whatever offered, and even played women's parts sometimes In pantomime and burlesque. "You will understand, however." he con tinues, "that my ten years' probation In the country, which I look upon as of tho greatest Importance, was perhaps the po tential cause of any later acting success. Every ambitious man has two fields of conquest; the one without, the struggle for life, the competition for the highest honors In the arena where all men meet on equal terms, the other, within himself. We often put a false value on ourselves the basis of that self-confidence which is vitally necessary. But this false value must in the .course of time be tempered, chastened, transformed Into a true valua tion through Increased knowledge of our selves. Increased knowledge of the world, and the view that the world takes of us. Those who complain of lack of recogni tion, who sit sighing for the time to ar rive when the world will come to their views of themselves, will sigh unavaillng- iranomet must go to the mountain. "There were hardships as well as pleasures In those days. Too many, per haps, to recount. Christmas once found me, for instance, without money or proper clothing. My underclothing was umuicr unaerciotnmg. and It had been so often to the laundries that it was very Summery Indeed. I was Invited by an old actor friend. Joe Robins, to eat my Christmas dinner with his family. Joe had formerly been a hosier In a large way of business, and aban doned socks for the buskin. When I ar rived at his lodgings, he led me. to my surprise, to a room upstairs, and mut tered something Inarticulate, in an em barrassed way. which t could not make out. Then going to a well-stocked wardrobe, he took out; a warm suit of flannel. 'Here, old fellow, Ls a Christ mas box: you must put the things on at once.' I did so. and when we Joined the family party, I was warm not only in body, but In spirit. Such kindnesses as this do more for those who have begun to fear and falter than anything else. "By that time I had lost a great many Illusions, both as regarded my profes sion and myself. But I never thought of leaving It. I loved it. I loved It " he repeats. "The way of art Is so long, the hardships are so many, the ob stacles are so great, that the man who will succeed must have this love to sus tain him. The love- of art is like a re ligion; like the faith of the fanatic or the zealot. Vanity, the belief in one's self,' does well enough for the earlier years. It is a beneficent provision or Providence to carry us for a certain distance on a career which, had we full knowledge beforehand of Its difficulties, we would never have the courage to at tempt. But this vanity, this belief In one's self, must sooner or later give way. Then the love of art, the fixed habits of hope and of effort, must come to the rescue. If they do not come, the worker falls. This is why the history of art shows so many who have called themselves and so few whom the world has been so graciously inclined to num ber among the chosen. "In those days," he pursues reflective ly. "I was very much of a dreamer, a comparative Idler. Executively speak ing. I was lazy. This gave me the text of my address to the Harvard students which was: 'Do, Don't Dream. It Is a nice question. Like most other advlco in this world. It Is easy to give, but difficult to ioIIow. I am Inclined to believe that, particularly In art. a mat must dream of doing great things.' must aim at the impossible highest, must achieve the goal In his Imagination be fore he can achieve It as a fact. Still I would not suggest It as a general rule. It might make the dreamers more Idle. And there are no laws for human na ture. Every Individual and his life out come represents a special problem which he alone can solve." Tars Raise $10,000 to Entertain. New York World. To entertain properly the Jack tars of the squadron of Prince Louis of Batten berg, who Is coming here In November, the enlisted men aboard Rear Admiral Evan's battleship squadron have raised 31Q.O0O. Not a man in the fleet failed to contribute, the Japanese stewards vicing with the negro stokers. Some of the fund is to be spent at Annapolis before the squadron of Queen Victoria's grand son gets to New York. It was said that the original plan of having the American warships convoy the British squadron from Hampton Roads to the North river had been abandoned as Impracticable. The American ships will come from the Chesapeake a day ahead of Prince Louis squadron. Hilcy's Rye Patch. Success. James Whltcomb Riley was looking over a fence on his farm at a field of rye. when a neighbor who was driving by stopped his horse and asked: ' "Hullo. Mr. Riley; how's your rye do ing?" "Fine, fine." replied the poet. "How much do you expect to clear to the acre?" "Oh, about four gallons." answered Mr. Riley, soberly. Holidays in Japan. Brooklyn Eagle. There are only three national holidays In Japan. January 1 Is one of them, and the birthday of the reigning em peror, November 3, is another. But Feb ruary 11 Is the greatest of the three dates, for It Is the anniversary of the coronation of the first emperor, Jlmmu. v