Morning Oregonian. (Portland, Or.) 1861-1937, August 18, 1905, Page 8, Image 8

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    8
THE MORNING OREGONIAN, FRIDAY, A-TJGUST 18, 1905.
Entered at the Postofnce at Portland. Or.
as second-class matter.
SUBSCRIPTION KATES.
INVARIABLY IN ADVANCE.
(Br Mall or Eioreu.)
Dally and Eunday, per rear ...$0.00
Dally and Sunday, six months 5.00
Dally and Sunday, three month 2.55
Daily and Sunday, per month. ......... -os
Dally -without Sunday, per year 7.50
Dally without Sunday, six months 8.00
Dally without Sunday, three months... 1.05
Dally without Sunday, ser month...... .03
Sunday, pr year 2.00
Sunday, six months L00
Sunday, three months 60
BY CARRIER.
Dally without Rundflv. ner week. ........ .13
Dally, ner week. Sunday Included....... .20
THE WEEKLY OREO ONI AN.
tissued Ever? Thursday.)
Weekly, per year 1.30
weeKly. six months - 13
Weekly, three months 50
HOW TO REMIT Send postofflce money
order, express order or personal check on
your local hank. Stamps, coin or currency
are at th sender's risk.
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ana Hotel St. Francis News Stand;
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Company. S00 Olive street.
Washington, I). C Ebbitt House, Pennsyl
vania avenue.
PORTLAND. FRIDAY. AUGUST 18, 1005.
SHALL WE ADMIT THE "CHINESE?
oojecuon to admission of Chinese
coolie labor, stated in its simplest form,
is that our present exclusion policy Is
essential to our domestic peace. We
have no difficulty in asrreeimr rnHrK-
with Mr. Wilcox and other speakers
Bl ine J-rans-MisslssippI Congress that
there is much work on the Pacific Coast
that Chinese may do. As domestics, as
common laborers, as gardeners, hop
pickers and frultpickers, they do not
enter into competition with our native
labor; but it is a deep-seated belief of
our own worklngmen that a Chinaman
In a job means an American out of a
anQ. except in the occupations
named, their theory is In a certain sense
correct This belief has never been and
will never be, successfully combated.
We do not understand that advocates
of limited Chinese immigration desire
that there shall be competition between
American and Chinese worklngmen. On
the contrary, they especially assert that
their purpose is to bring- Chinese here to
perform labor that the Americans will
not do, and thus to All a want in the
labor market that otherwise will not be
supplied. A broader and higher reason
is that In this way the animosity of the
Chinese people toward the United States
may be quieted tnd the trade boycott
broken. The two main grounds of con
tention .then, for admission of Chinese
coolie labor are that we shall thus
Please the Chinese people and at the
same time benefit ourselves."
It may be admitted that our export
ers have been greatly alarmed by the
Chinese boycott It may be said, too
that the Chinese government has had
reasonable ground for complaint that
harsh and unreasonable construction
has been placed by American officials
?u exclusIn law; that members of
the Chinese privileged class have been
subjected to affront and insulf and
that some of them have been rejected
at our -ports without reason and with
needless Insolence. But we have never
understood that the original complaint
of the Chinese people against the United
States was that their coolies were not
admitted, and we have no notion that
an amendment of our exclusion law
in that particular will be a condition
precedent to the resumption of satis
factory trade relations. The boycott
was doubtless instituted against Amer
ican exporters for the sole purpose of
bringing the United States Government
to a realizing sense of its decent obli
gations to the Chinese. The Chinese
have been assured by the President that
the law as It stands will be construed
by our customs inspectors more lenient
ly, and that travelers, students, mer
chants and all others entitled to admis
sion will be treated with courtesy and
consideration. In our present domestic
Bituatlon, The Oregonian thinks that
the United States can scarcely be asked
to do more. It does not think that
cuina, nor any other nation, will de
mand that we waive our unquestionable
e, , uurau to our shores whomso-
J6 Please' maklnS and enforcing
with due regard to the humanities, such
immigration laws as we see fit.
But suppose that China should -demand
that we admit her coolies; what
then? We have the assurance of the
Governors of Washington. Oregon and
California that their respective states
fr Ua!fably PPsed to reopening
the old Chinese question. It Is Idle to
say that the politicians only are opposed
to admission of Chinese. It is not the
politicians; It is the great body of our
people themselves. All persons who
have lived on this Coast for a quarter of
a century know through what terri
fying scenes of riot, disorder and blood
shed various communities passed be
cause of the insistent demand of our
laboring classes that the Chinese be
expelled. The Chinese never' can become
American citizens. The objection made
against them that they are nonassimi-
latlve can be made against the emi
grants or no European country. That is
the reason the question of Chinese im
migration is on a different basis en-l
tlrely from the question of European
immigration. The Frenchman, the Ger
man, the Italian, the Scandinavian and
the Russian in time become American
citizens. The Chinese never do. They
are always Chinese. The few exceptions
of American born Chinese to be noted
here and there merely prove the rule.
We can never expect that our laboring
classes will assume any position except
of unconquerable antagonism toward
the Chinese. The history of every com
munity on the Pacific Coast for the past
thirty years proves it. We have not
had any collisions between our own la
borers and Asiatics during the last ten
years because the Chinese were decreas
Ing in numbers and the problem .seemed
to be in process of gradual settlement.
But reopening it means to jeopard our
own tranquility and Invite protracted
and perhaps sanguinary race troubles
We think the price entirely too high.
JAPAN'S TERMS OF PEACE.
To The Oregonian It has seemed Im
probable that the conference for peace
between Japan and Russia, invited by
President Roosevelt, could result in a
treaty of peace. Japan, for her own se
curity, is obliged to make demands to
which the pride of Russia, even more
than her real Interest, will not yield. It
looks as if the war must go on.
Japan has gained splendid advan
tages. She is in better position than she
could have hoped, at the outset to be.
Her life has been menaced by the en
croachment of Russia. Her astonishing
victories have put her in position that
enables her to demand settlement on
basis of future security, and her pur
pose therefore Is to exclude Russia from
position of Influence and opportunity on
the Pacific shore of Asia. Japan's pur
pose Is to remove this menace now, and
for good and alL
The details are not soclear as we
could wish, for the Japanaese negotia
tors are reticent and secretive. They
allow their demands to be divulged
slowly one at a time and In their order.
But it is clear that they will require
Russia to retire from Manchuria; to
yield Port Arthur and the railroad; to
cede Sakhalin; to give up Vladivostok,
or at least to make It an open port: to
pay war indemnity and to surrender
war vessels interned In neutral ports.
Japan requires these things, first be
cause she believes expulsion of Russia
from the Pacific necessary to her own
security, and second because she be
lieves herself able to enforce them.
But Russia feels that she cannot
yield; and It can scarcely be expected
that she will yield, now. To expect her
to abandon her purpose of extension of
her empire to the Pacific it seems to us
is to miscalculate the energy of the
forces that for centuries have been
pushing her on. Bitter as have been the
defeats she has suffered at the hands
of Japan, Russia will not yet believe
the Issue has been fought out. The
probability is, therefore, that the peace
conference will fall, and that the war
will go on.
THE DECREASING BIRTH-RATE.
One day we are told by the SuDerln-
tendent of Compulsory Education of a
great state that women are driving men
out of the Industrial and trade voca
tions literally back to the soil from
whence Father Adam Is said to have
sprung; the 'next day a nalnstaklntr
statistician tells us that the native
birth-rate in the United States Is de
creasing steadily, persistently, even
alarmingly. Both statements are made
seemingly from knowledge gained by
careful, specific Inquiry.
Is It not reasonably clear that. If the
first statement is true the second is
necessarily so? Can we expect a wom
an whose time and strength anx
thought are given to a "gainful voca
Uon" as the census has it. to be i
cheerful, willing child bearer? Can we,
maeea, expect ner to be a mother at
all. knowing as enlightened human be
ings, that motherhood is essentially and
necessarily a sheltered condition? Need
we be told that women who strive in
the marts of gain, or een those who
pursue gainful vocations of the lowlier
type, have no time to devote to the ma
ternal vocation?
True, writers who have studied fac
tory life as combined with family life
at Fall River, for example, have told
of the woman toller, whose name Is
multitude, who "asks out" for a few
weeks biennially while she gives an
other child to th,e census and later to
the mill; but who among us could find
voice to censure a woman thus situat
ed who. having first made a study of
the ways and means of "race suicide "
overcame the necessity of this biennial
asking out?
If It is true that women are raoldlv
or even slowly monopolizing the Indus
trial vocations, a decreasing birth-rat
Implies In itself neither wonder nor
censure. It Is a natural conRPnminnA nt
perverted Industrial and social condi
tions. Motherhood, to be worth while
to be worthy of the pains and oerils
and the hope and love that the vocation
or the estate suggests, and to a civi
lized mind implies must be above the
plane of the wage-earner, above the
demand of any gainful vocation upon
the mother's time and strength If we
look beyond this point for the cause of
the steady decrease in the native birth
rate, we shall doubtless find much in
the situation that reflects rii
upon American women. Within thii
limit, a woman Is free of blame if she
refuse to add to the census returns the
name of even one child.
One abnormal condition becet an
other. The "home without a mother"
has long been sung in tender words of
pathetic music The home, barren of
children, has been long deplored as
mgia pretense, a hollow mockerv. Rnt-
neither song nor story has yet given to
me world an adequate descriDtlon of
the home, so-called, occupied through
out the working hours of a gainful vo
cation by children alone.
A decreasing birth-rate may Imply at
first glance, something of censure to
American wdmen. In the. term Ameri
can women, as here employed, we refer
not to the relatively small class known
as society women; not to the smaller
class of professional women, nor to the
still smaller class comprised of those
to whom, for some reason, children do
not come; but to the great majority of
American women who are In a true
sense helpful, womanly women plain
unassuming women intelligent affec
tionate women women who are homer
makers, wives and, mothers. Such cen
sure as falls upon these Is, however,
easily turned aside by inquiry and ob
servation, since it is made plain that
the homes over which they preside, fur
nish the children that throng the public
schools and In their turn set up, main
tain and perpetuate American homes.
It is nor too much to say that these
homes are the salt that saves the Xa
tlon. While they abound as now in
American life a decreasing birth-rate
Is not alarming since It merely points
to the survival of the fittest.
Women engaged In gainful vocations
are not child-bearers neither should
they be. There are two reasons for
this. First, a woman who pursues an
industrial vocation, in the modern sense
of that term, has no time for the exclu
slve and exacting functions of mother
hood, and without disparagement to
their practical good sense, it may be
added that they have no desire to be
mothers. Second, men whose wives are
of necessity wage-earners are not fit
for the responsible function of father
hood. Having failed in the first duty
of manhood, as defined by our strenu
ous President, to be the maintenance of
home and wife and children, he would
but add to the burdens of the woman
and the responsibilities of the state by
adding to the census.
Children are a blessing to the well
ordered home; the well-ordered home is
me piuar or ine state, to the poor
home, the home maintained by the dally
toil of the mother in a gainful vocation;
a home that Is the abode of Ignorance,
of dissipation or of gaunt poverty they
are the reverse of a blessing and to the
extent that the decreased birth-rate is
confined to these It Is not to be de
plored. Indeed it might be wished that
births In such homes would cease alto
gether, even as they have practically
teased in the homes of society women
and In those of the Idle, selfish rich.
AN INEVITABLE CONSEQUENCE.
There Is complaint, we hear, that The
Oregonian publishes as news such sto
ries as that of the Taggart case, which
it would not have published In former
times. The question Is asked, "Why
this degeneracy?" The simple answer
Is that newspaper competition compels
it. The more severe the competition the
stronger necessity of meeting every
phase of it. The Oregonian, within its
own field, of circulation, cannot allow
any newspaper to outdo it. A group of
very pious people publish a "yellow"
newspaper here. Others publish like
newspapers, round about. These Jour
nals are pitched on a low grade or
basis. In many ways or features. The
Oregonian must meet them, or go out
of business. But The Oregonian Is not
going out of business. It will not de
scend to their depths, but it will print
clean versions of stories, of which they
print other versions.
It is an inevitable consequence. Deg
radation of the character of Journalism
is the unavoidable result of this sort of
competition. It Is, however, less a re
flection on the publishers of newspapers
than on the public taste that demands
such matter. Again, It is a reflection
on those who, -in order to push newspa
pers .for support of their own personal
and plutocratic schemes into fields al
ready occupied by respectable journal
ism, appeal to vitiated taste and help to
cultivate It, that their publications may
get "circulation."
The keener the newspaper competi
tion, the lower the tone of Journalism,
always. Therefore when mony not
earned In journalism, when money that
doesn't belong to journalism, when
money derived from outside schemes is
put In vast sums into Journalism, you
may expect decline of the standards of
journalism, always. It Is just as well
to be plain about this matter. Pluto
cracy corrupts journalism. It corrupts
everything It touches.
HE STANDPATTER AND HIS FETICH.
There is now in session In Chicago a
conference whose proceedings the
American people will watch with pro
found Interest. Six hundred delegates
have assembled there from all parts of
the country to lay sacrilegious hands
upon our National fetich. That is what
our protective tariff Is a fetich. As
the woolly-headed Hottentot secludes In
a sacred cave his god of feathers and
painted clay, so the high priests of our
deity of Imposition, Iniquity and fraud
have guarded their Ideal from all Ir
reverent Investigation, from all danger
ous inquiry. For to this high tariff Idol,
as to all objects of slavish and benight
ed worship, investigation Is perilous, in
quiry is fatal. His cult Is systematic
deception. The hope of his hierarchy Is
in the stupidity and Ignorance of those
whom they befool and plunder. And
who compose the hierarchy of this tariff
fetich? Who but those whose lust of
power and rlqhes fattens upon the su
perstition of his worshippers? None
shrieks so loud or with such holy horror
when there Is talk or tariff revision as
your trust magnate. None stands quite
so "pat" as 3'our United States Senator,
attorney for the trusts, who parades
the insignia of his venal disloyalty in
the legislative chamber of the Nation
he betrays. The trust magnates, their
purchased or intimidated defenders In
the Senate, an army of lesser politicians
who depend upon them, and a diminish
ing host of voters who will not or can
not or dare not look facts In the face
and think for themselves these are
the "standpatters" who have made al
most a religion out of their ridiculous
or mercenary fidelity to the DJngley
tariff with all Its absurdities. Its impo
sitions, Its Insults to the popular intel
ligence, and Its cynical contempt for the
good will of foreign nations.
The DIngley tariff Is absurd because
it holds to the theory that by impudence
or chicanery we can forever Induce for
eigners to buy our goods while we buy
none of theirs. Commerce is exchange.
The Ideal of the pirate or the hog, to
take all and return nothing, may suc
ceed for a time as it has with us, but
It is not commerce and It cannot suc
ceed forever. Other nations are awak
ening to our utter unfairness In this
matter. Germany enacts a tariff Dro-
hibitory to American agricultural pro
ducts; France is preparing to follow
suit; even meek and long-suffering
England looks askance at our unmiti
gated greed. A European tariff union
against America has been proposed by
men of international Influence and,
while It Is not probable now. It will be
come more and more probable unless
we change our policy .of shamed
selfishness.
The DIngley tariff Is an Imposition
because It treats the American people
as a private preserve to be plundered
without limit by the trusts. What Is
the use of rehearsing the notorious
facts that Justify this statement? They
are numoeness. -uividends earned on
watered stock; the same grade of cood
sold abroad at lower prices than at
nome; competition killed by throat-cut
metnoas ana wages lowered to the star
vation point these "are some of the
facts. The standpatters claim by their
acts, and almost by their words, that
the American people have been given to
tnem oy me Almighty, as Herodotus
tells of the Persian despots giving cities
to their favorites, to be exploited with
out remedy or appeal. There must be
no cnange, forsooth! No, indeed; the
fleece Is golden as It Is, and so easy to
shear!
The DIngley tariff Is an Insult to the
popular Intelligence because It pretends
with barefaced mendacity to do what
cannot be done. It says to the farmer:
"You have jiot sense enough to perceive
that a tariff on wheat can not affect
the price of wheat; therefore we will
cajole from you with that piece of fool
ery your consent to be robbed by other
duties which do raise prices." The
standpatters say to the worklngman
"We want the exorbitant DIngley tariff
retained with the purely benevolent In
tent of paying you high wages;" while
at the same time they hurry over from
Europe "pauper labor" by the steam
ship load to take their jobs from these
same beloved American workmen.
The brutal contempt of the standpat
ters for the Intelligence and rights of
the American people has been uniformly
met with humble submission. No won
der, therefore, that they supposed for
elgn nations could also be cajoled and
bullied indefinitely. The Insurrection
of Europe against their commercial
domination takes them by surprise. It
Is like a servile rebellion against the
lordly Senators of Imperial Rome. Their
method of forcing foreigners Into sub
mission is singularly stupid, but It Is
characteristic of the "standpat" spirit.
They propose to make Europeans buy
more of our goods by raising our tariff
stile higher. When one of the boys at
Dotheboys Hall gagged at the brim
stone and treacle, Mrs. Squeers poked
another spoonful down his gullet. The
standpatters seem to believe In her
method.
The exceedingly light snowfall last
WJnter in the watershed of the Snake
and lis tributaries Is manifest in Its
effects on the hay crop In Central and
Western Idaho. Even down In the north
where- occasional rains keep the per
centage of moisture high enough to
make the crop, there Is the report of
Rain Is greatly needed," and "Pas
tures are drying up." Up In the central
part of the state, however, where Irri
gation makes three great crops of al
falfa, the report Is general that "the
second crop is light, owing to drouth.
and "there will be no third crop, owing
to shortage of water." The Payette Is
lower than It has been for yearsthere
Is very little water In the Boise; further
east, both forks of the Snake were never
known to be so low; while the creeks
that supply small ditches have long
since gone dry. Conservation of even
the small amount that ran off early this
Summer would have Insured these
crops; the big ditch at Minidoka will In
time help within Its range; but the
tnousands of farmers on the smaller
streams must obtain relief Independent
of the larger canals. Probably they
will In time.
The grand conclave of Eagles, now In
session at Denver, will consider the
proposition of establishing a National
home for superannuated members of
the order. Montana comes forward urg
ing iuttt me nome oc located near
Helena on what Is known as the Broad
water property. Commodious buildings
are already on the ground and the site.
being in the very heart of the Rocky
Mountains, is both beautiful and health
ful No one who has tarried even for
a few days, in Summer in the capital of
Montana has failed to visit beautiful
Broadwater and taken a dip In the
waters of the grand natatorlums that
are warmed by Nature for the delight
ful bath.
uregon is getting a tremendous
amount, of free advertising this year
apart from the many publications rec
ognized by the postofllce authorities. As
an example, one of the big life Insur
ance companies that distributes 3,000,000
copies of an S-page paper, devotes two
pages this month to Oregon as a
sportsman's paradise, with beautiful il
lustrations. A mighty sight more In
teresting than life insurance figures are
the cold facts relative to hunting and
fishing, camp life In our mountains and
the scenery of river, forest, ocean and
lake. In this case, the presentation of
one of the state's Summer attractions
Is exactly truthful, therefore valuable.
"The root qualities of energy, thrift
and business sense" are essential to
the development spiritual and mate
rial of any race. So wrote President
Roosevelt In a letter to the National
Negro Business League now In session
with 200 delegates in New York City,
And when the President added: "It Is
as true of a race as of" an Individual
that while outsiders can help to a cer
tain degree yet the real help must come
In the shape of self help," the great les
son of the ages to mankind Is tersely
ana tritely given.
The hope of New Orleans for the
present lies In the systematic. Intelli
gent warfare that sanitary splence Is
waging against yellow fever. Its hope
for the future is In prevention, and is
outlined in the water and sewerage
systems now under construction by
means of which cesspools and cisterns
may be abolished and the city drained
of the Impurities of Its every-day life.
Nothing could have been more timely
and more grateful than the rain that
fell in this vicinity Tuesday. Pastures
will grow green, late gardens will laugh
Into plenty, hop vines and orchards have
been washed clean, the dust has been
laid and the harvesting has scarcely
been Interrupted. As usual, the truth
Is good enough about Oregon.
Desire on the part of officers of life
Insurance companies for supervisory
control of the business by. the National
Government shows at least an awaken
ing. When so eminent an Insurance
man as Senator Dryden favors the
proposition, there is hope that opposi
tion to it from the big companies will
not be offensively active.
Half a hundred private soldiers from
Fort Snelllng have lately left the post
without permission and failed .to return.
The cause of this wholesale desertion
is said to be the disinclination of the
men to work on the new rifle range. It
is pertinent here to ask what is the
matter with the rifle range?
The death of Dr. George A. Torgler
Is regretted as that of a young man
who had been carefully equipped for re
sponsible duties cut off In the earlv
pnornlng of life. A death of this kind
we are wont to term a waste of life by
prematurely arrested effort
Visitors this week will have some
thing to tell when they get home of
Oregon's Summer climate.
Miss Roosevelt is going to Pekin. Talk
about your American invasion!
OREGON OZONE
That some steps must bo taken at
once to curtail the power of our
courts and prevent them from tramp
ling with Iron heel upon the rights of
man Is evident The other day a Bos
ton Jurist fined a man J 10 for carrying
away an umbrella.
Tom Watson Is to be orator of the
day when the monument to Tom Paine
Is unveiled at New Rochelle, N. Y.
Has Tom Lawson been utterly Ignored?
Some people don't know enough to
come In when It rains. The corre
spondents tell us that at Asbury Park
a few days ago thousands Of persons
went bathing in the surf during a
rainstorm.
senator stone, of Missouri, told a
country picnic audience last week that
he liked buttermilk so well that ho
had shaved off his mustache so that
he might Indulgo in his favorite drink.
The Senator shows excellent taste, not
to speak of tender 'consideration for
the feelings of his colleagues at Wash
ington. A toga-wearer with bunches
of 'butter sticking to his mustache
would not be an edifying spectable in
the Senate Chamber: and besides, the
country constituents would accuse him
of undue extravagance and of rich and
riotous living.
Having Issued an order to the effect
that all short bathing skirts shall be
measured before the wearers aro per
mitted to enter the surf, to the end that
It may be ascertained whether they
are shorter than the law allows, the
Mayor of Atlantic City 13 said to be
besieged by applicants for the position
of official skirt measurer. As yet no
ladies have applied for the post
The Santa Fe Railroad Company Is
suing an Illinois Circuit Judge for tho
recovery of five cents. Who now will
dare to assert that the railroads stand
In with the Judiciary?
Farmer Haytop I see by the farm
papars that beardless barley is a good
thing to raise. Can you tell me how to
go about It?
Professor Smart Certainly; Just
plant your barley In a soapstone field.
Irrigate well to make the lather, and
shave It close.
In The Outlook of last week the
President of the United States appears
In a new role that of book reviewer.
He reviews a new volume of poems and
deolares that It Is "not verse but poet
ry." Is the President's private library
so sadly depicted that he makes this
bold bid for complimentary copies of
contemporary books that are not poet
ry but verse, or does he seek a re
election and take this method of mak
ing his calling and election sure? Tho
poot vote is something, to be consid
ered. .
The heir to the throne of all the
Russlas and all Its troubles reached th'e
age of one year a few days ago, but
he already is a veteran In point of
miiltary service, having been appoint
ed Colonel of the Pavlovsk! Regiment
of the Guard when he was four, hours
old. He is next to the youngest Col
onel that ever was. The very young
est was Colonel William Zevely, of
Missouri, now connected with the De
partment of the Interior. Colonel
Zevely. In his early manhood, was on
the staff of a Missouri Governor. On
day an old lady to whom he was in
troduced said: "Colonel Zevely, you
are entirely too young to have served
n the Civil War. May I ask when
you got yur title of Colonel?" Zevely
drew himself up to his full six feet and
replied: "Madam, I was born a Col
onel!" But Does Carnegie Need Money?
Is It possible that the American
public library craze Is responsible for
the terrible Japanese-Russian war?
Here Is a syllogistic argument that
seems to prove It, though there Is no
Intention of expressing here a positive
opinion:
First. Premise: Mr. Carnegie needs
money to use In founding public libra
ries. Second Premise: The Russians buy
armor plate for their ships from Mr.
Carnegie.
Conclusion: In order to create a
market for his armor plate, so that he
could sell In large lots and found many
libraries with tne proceeds, Mr. Car
negie sicked the Japs onto the Russes
and caused u considerable demand for
war vessels.
Kentucky Couldn't Wait.
Yesterday a thirsty man from Ken
tucky walked along one of the aisles
In the Manufactures building at the
Exposition wondering how far It was
between drinks In Oregon.
'Come In and register, and you'll got
a sample of our whisky," said a voice
ut his left.
The Kentuckian went Into the booth
with alacrity and wrote his name in
the book. Then he eyed the attendant
expectantly, with a mouth that would
have watered had it not been as dry
as Death valloy in August.
"Thank you," said the attendant.
"Don't thank me, suh." replied tho
Kentuckian; "I'm the one to thank you.
suh that Is. suh "
And he waited some more.
"Fine day," remarked the attendant.
turning to other duties.
"Might be a tine day fo you, suh. but
looks to me like a frost Wha's yo
whisky?"
"In these bottles," replied the at
tendant.
Ah, but pardon me, suh, but wha's
my sample that I was going .to get.
suhr
"Oh, that will be sent to you at your
home address."
"Young man." said the Kentuckian,
if I don't get that thah drink befo'
get back to my home address, I'll
be the deadest man yo evah saw, suh.
Young man, do It now!"
ROBERTUS LOVE.
How They Got Their First $1000.
New York Sun.
The Portland Oregonian has induced a
number of rich Portlanders to tell how
they laid the foundation of their fortunes
The revelations are not very satlsfactory
recipes ior me young, une plutocrat made
his first J1C00 "by spending leas than ho
earned." How simple! To be sure, a lot
of folks, most folks, never earn money
enough to be able to save a thousand dol
lars. The noblest answer Is given by the
man wno says ne "savea JIOOO from his
pay as a soldier In the British Army."
How old was he before he got that Initial
thousand?
GRAFT.
Minnesota Etymologist Explores Au
thorities With Surprising Results.
Fergus Falls Journal.
The recent appearance In an obscure
and irresponsible paper, as well as in cer
tain official publications of the City Coun
cil, of the word "graft" has elicited from
a number of our readers an Inquiry as to
what the word meant, as It Is not found
In dictionaries even of the most recent
pattern. For the benefit of our readers
residing on the Flats and Tordenskjold
Prairies who do not enjoy metropolitan
advantages we have made an exhaustive
evamlnation of the authorities and will
give all our readers the benefit of our re
search
In "Hostetter's Family Almanac" we
una:
uKAFT. n. (See grafter. Derlv. either
from grab, to take, to seize, or from Kraft.
10 majce grow upon or insert in.)
1. The benefiting of a public official or his
friends at the public expense, through an of
ficial act.
2. The uelng of one's official position to gain
advantages denied to others.
3. To so act or do that an official's feilow-
cltlzens are Injured while he and his friends
profit.
-1. To so direct public matters as to benefit
oneself or friends and injure others.
5. To take fcr oneself" or te give one's friends
special privileges.
8. To take that which belongs to the public
tor private use.
i. to grant onejeIf or friends Immunity
from that which others aro compelled to At-
8. To do a thing, pretending that It Is for
puDuc benefit when it Is only private.
IL.LLS. To so ran a sewer that an Alderman
may get the benefit of it while his neighbors
par for It. To fell to the city throueh
dummy when tho law forbids an official to do
it directly. To so place street lights that an
Alderman can rttfoy it nnd the public cannot,
etc.
His- graft was bold.
And yet within the pale of law.
Ben Jorjton.
Ho was as subtle a grafter aa ever graced a
council's board.
Or fixed bis street at ward's expense.
Shakespeare.
uincK was a past master In the art of.
gra.tlng. He waa a thorough parliamentarian
e always had his matters well in hand. His
reports were always carefully prepared, and
every move was consummated with a clock
like precUlon. Although possessing a sensi
tive nature, he wan bold, almost brazen. In
the carrying out of the Jobs In which the com
blnation. whose servile tool he was, was in
terested. The. Lord Mayor, whose vast and
varied Interests frequently encroached upon
public rights, relied upon him Implicitly, and
he never failed him. HI a.-soclatea on the
board, with one or two exceptions were hon
est, but they were obtuse or weaklings and
offered no resistance. The organic law govern
ing the city wan Ignored, forgotten, and his
grafting went on unhampered and unchecked.
McDougal's "The London Council."
Dr. Schopenkoffer In his "Growth of
Language,' says:
In these days when our vocabulary Is being
enriched by many new word whose origin and
derivation cannot be traced to a. certainty,
there Is a constant tendency to substitute, so
that the exact meaning Is liable to be con
fused and lest. We should strive to guard
against this and by proper use fix their exact
meaning. Tho words "graft" and "boodle"
are cares In point. Their meaning Is entirely
different. Boodle Is the price paid for an of
ficial act or vote, the taking or giving of which
Is a crime. Graft la the profit of an official
act which, although within the law. Is mor
ally wrong and not to be tolerated In well
ordered communities.
Minnehaha, filled with laughter.
Turning said: "You are a grafter;
, Take another. It's no matter
Till the public catches on."
Then the bolder, Hiawatha
Grafts the graft that grafters long for
Till the maiden called for quarter.
Yelled, and hiked for Running Water.
Longfellow.
Space will not permit our going Into
this matter at greater length, but this will
be sufnclent to enlighten our inquirers and
furnish the commission a guide in Its In
vestigations.
Pointed Paragraphs.
Chicago Xews.
Don't cry over split milk. Call the cat.
There are also & number of fugitives from
Injustice.
All men are born equal, but the equality
doesn't hold out.
Necessity knows no law. but many a young
lawyer knows necessity.
Tho man who has more than he needs never
had more than he wants.
No. Cordelia, marriage And happiness ore not
necereerily synonymous.
A soft-headed nail and a hard-headed maa
are both difficult to drive.
Some politicians are relf-made. but most of
the candidates, are machine-made.
A sour mash drives some men to the saloon
and some others to the divorce court.
Though the wisdom of the ancients may
have been superior to our, we are still alive.
There is & vast difference between getting
ahead In the world and getting a head In a
Kilocn.
It's the 23th annlvereary of. her debut into
the world that Is oftenest celebrated by a
woman.
Good men are seldom beard of. but the ras
cals are always getting their names In the
police reports.
A man's hulnean has certainly reaehed the
limit when he feels- that It is too much trou
ble to try to avoid trouble.
Ptomaines n Hot Weather Danger.
New York Tribune.
Ptomaines are poisonous products
formed In fish, meat, milk and other arti
cles of food by a process of decomposition
that leaves little other trace of its action.
Bacteria probably promote their forma
tion, but on that point there remains some
doubt The taint develops in consequence
of a failure to cook the food oronoriv-
At this season the duty of promptly re
ducing the temperature of milk at the
dairy farm from which it is derived Is
often slighted, and as a result the fluid
may come to market In what Is a dan
gerous condition. Consumers buy It with
out suspicion, and when sickness Is caused
by its use It Is usually too late to trace
tne original source, and consequently im
possible to fix the responsibility.
The Summer Widower.-
Grand Rapids Herald.
Summer "wldowerlng" Is not all that It
Is cracked up to be. It Is all right for a
week or two to have the family away, but
the enjoyment of freedom is apt to pall as
time passes. There Is a novelty about
feeding the cat, taking care of the canary,
making up the bed and washing the dishes
that makes the experience enticing for a
while. But' It is pinchbeck and the gilt
soon wears off.
The President's Daughter.
By H. V. A. Ferguson.
In Europe the boys in their teens
Drink a noggin or two to their Queens.
Which Is etiquette ovrfr the water;
But here when the gallant toasts pass
We empty a. patriot glaes
In a health to the President's daughter.
Yo lovers, whose books are the rosea;
Good fellows, who show by your noses
You think the grape better than water.
Stand up with a glass in your hand
And drink to tho rose of the land
In a health to the President's daughter.
And after the laisa comes the laddie;
From the daughter we pass to the daddy.
taicn is etiquette over tne water.
With the best of the vintage make ready
To toss oft a bumper to Teddy,
Who gave us the President's daughter.
To Cnptaln Clark.
John Jerome Rooney, in New Tork Sun.
Here's a nation's love for you; love and big
handshake for you.
Captain oc the Oregon, greyhound of the
sea!
Dut-A lit the path for you, glory trailed the
wake for you. .
Take a long shoro leave with ua every
port Is' free: f
THE NAVIES OF THE WORLD
The Figures as Revised by Our Of
fice of Naval Intelligence.
The United States Office of Naval In
telligence has revised its figures of the
Navies of tne world to June 1 of this
year. Including ail changes to that date
caused by the Russo-Japanese war. By
total completed tonnage of each Navy the
record Is:
Great Britain l.Ms!s7l
anco - tW.72I
Germany 441 M0
United States 313.328
lr T. 254.310
JfPan 252.601
xv us si a .....,..;.... 24 3T
By battleships of the first class the rank
ing is:
. - -iCo. Tonnage.
Great Britain st d$2 2M)
aae 10 212. iSO
unitW siates';:::::::::::::;: l fii$
7 S2.sJ5o
JW 5 70.51S
By armored cruisers the order Is:
Great Britain j "0 "S2 400
rance is uslses
Japan c - -gc
Rtuwla ..."!! 8 3rS8
Ja,y 3 3LS01
uermany .................... 4 90 47
United States 1 74 15
Byerulsers above 6000 tons:
Great Britain 21 201.950
rane 4 atsu
Russia. 4 25.911
united States 2 14,730
By cruisers of 3000 to 6000 tons:
Great Britain 30 221.460
France is 74.373
united States... ltf 5S.270
Japan n 42.MH
Germany 0 46.740
Italy 5 17.400
Rusla s 12.38B
By cruisers et 1000 te 3000 tons:
Great Britain 36 103.060
Germany 27 5S.S50
United States .- 21 20.407
Italy 12 26.2 It'.
Japan 11 21.276
Husia 7 S.7S0
By terpedo-beats:
Franc 2 S3 20.73
Germany 105 13.921
Italy 101 0.876
Great Britain 00 S,0lH
Russia S2 S.WO
Japan SI 7.317
United States 27 4.280
... By torpodo-boat destroyers:
Russia S3 10.000
Germany 37 12.640
Franco 31 9,2f0
Great Britain 20 4 4.
Japan 22 7.42t
United States 18 6.613
Italy : 11 3.30K
By submarines:
France 37 3083
Rusola 13 1.4S5
Japan 11 1.2U
Great Britain 0 1.400
United States S 91B
Germany 1 120
Italy 1 107
By coast defense! vessels:
France - 17 73.363
Germany 16 01.313
United States 12 47,445
Russia ; 7 43.391
Great Britain 6 40.000
Japan 3 20.327
Italy 1 3.918
A combination of the navies of Great
Britain, France and the United States,
leaving out the coast defense vessels,
would have the following strength:
No. Tonnage.
Battleships, first class 82 1.682.118
Armored cruisers..... 40 444.900
Cruisers above 0000 tons 27 247.S33
Cruisers. 3000 to 6000 tons S4 854.117
Cruisers, 1000 to 3000 tons.... 0u 166.2S3
Torpedo-boats 383 33,901
Torpedo-boat destroyers 73 60,510
Submarines 34 6.24S
Combined total strength. . .810 2.344.0S2
Such a- combination could dictate the
world's peace.
2Teetl of Jloro Amusement.
Philadelphia Record.
It would be quite as well for womankind
If the stronger sex. instead of promising
"I thee with all my worldly goods en
dow." especially when they've no worldly
goods to speak of. should give their brides
some idea of what they propose to do In
the way of providing amusement for them
after marriage. The lnsarte asylums are
said to be full of fanners' wives who have
gone Insane because of the ceaseless grind
of labor, so frequently and regularly re
peated as to become fairly mechanical.
And only last week a young wife .took
poison because her husband, a truck farm
er, had repeatedly refused to take her to
town with him by way of an outing.
Hank of Cities.
Detroit Free Press.
The incomplete census figures indicate
that the population of New York is now
just under 4,000,000, or. to be exact. 3.9S7.
154. The probabilities are that Manhattan
and the Bronx alone will be found to have
a population of 2.37S.696. The standing of
New York among the big cities of the
world Is shown by the following figures:
London comos first, with 4.526,641 people.
and next to New York are Paris, with
2.7H.0OS; Berlin, with 1.SSS.S4S, and Chicago.
with l,w.a75. Then follow Vienna, Can
ton, Tokio and Philadelphia, all of whloh
have over 1,000,000 inhabitants, the last
named having l."203,867 In the census of
1500.
Reflections of a Baehelor.
New York Press.
Nearly every girl captivates herself
with her beauty.
A girl can't learn to swim in a bathing
suit that is made to go In the water.
A man seldom ever can get away from
his business for a vacation if his family
is going with him.
Biding In an automobile makes a woman
almost as proud as It makes a man to
have a millionaire bow to him In a street
car.
You can tell when a girl Is not engaged
by the way she pretends to be. and when
a man Is married by the way he pretends
hot to be.
With the Minstrels.
Exchange.
Mr. Tambo Do you mean to tell me,
Mr. Bonos, that that Ignorant gentlemean
tp whom we were talking Is a host In
himself.
Mr. Bones Yes, sah. Appearances am
mighty decelvlh,. sah.
Mr. Tambo But what did he ever do?
"Why is he a host In himself?
Mr. Bones Dat gem'man am a host In
himself. Mistah Tambo, becaze he am de
landlord of de leadin hotel in Pucker
Brush.
Mr. Tambo Ladles and gentlemen, with
your kind permission, Mr. Hlghcollah will
now sing. "My Girl's Name Is Miss Too
ber, and She's My Sweeti Potato."
The Horror of the Hoop.
' Life.
Mabel has a slender "Agger"
Like the pole thattwlnes the bea-i
Her circumference will be bigger
When she puts on crinoline;
Mabel shows but slight resistance
When my arm about her loops
She will keep me at a distance
When she wears those awful hoops.
Oft at night I wake and tremble
Thinking of that ghastly day: 4
Mabel's skirts will soon resemble
Nothlnr but a load of hay.
"Standing room" will then be posted
Every time she takes the floor.
Every nerve will be exhausted
Getting Mabel through a door.
Then won't evenings be lonely
On my darling's fair "front stoop"!
l
I must fly. for there'll be only
Room for Mabel and her hoop.
And In what unearthly Alden
Can I get the nerve to epoon
With a rare and sainted maiden
- Half way through a gas balloon?
Aye, forsooth, 'twill take a wide wait
Mabel not to discommode
No more room upon the sidewalk.
1 must weep out In the road.
Mabel, heed this tearful carol.
By dire Fashion's slats and cocdi
Don't become a lovely barrel
Rolled about inside of hoops I
A.