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THE MORNING OREGONIAN, WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 13,, 190
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YESTERDAY'S WEATHER Maximum tem
perature, 5S: minimum temperature, 48; pre
cipitation, .18 of an inch.
TODAY'S TVEATHBR Occasional light rain;
southerly winds.
VORTLAND, WEDNESDAY, JAN. 13, 1304.
LIGHT ON A MUDDLED BRAIN.
The battle for the gold standard In
1SD6 was won as a moral Issue. The
appeal to the National conscience for
the National honor and fidelity to obli
gations prevailed over the base appeal
to class prejudice, the unworthy appeal
for partial repudiation of obligations,
the specious appeal to the desire to get
something for nothing.
The personification and apostle of
these base appeals to the lowest mo
tives which demagogy can play upon
was one W. J. Bryan, unsuccessful
actor, unsuccessful lawyer, unsuccess
ful editor, unsuccessful candidate.
Wherever he went he sought to array
the unfortunate and propertyless
against the thrifty and the provident.
His complaint that the poor are not
rich was Ingeniously pressed upon the
farmers of Nebraska, the miners of
Pennsylvania, the applegrowers of New
York. He urged upon all the proposal
to escape a portion of their debts by
paying them in fifty-cent dollars. This
Is the man who now comes home from
dalliance tvlth the crowned heads of
Europe to tell the American people;
The only appeal that Is permanent In its
Effectiveness and cnduring'In Its usefulness is
the appeal to conscience, and, while it may
seem weakness to the brutal and folly to the
sordid, it arouses a response that Is at least
Irresistible.
There Is no need for Mr. Bryan, or
for us, to enlarge upon this plain state
ment of a truth that Is as old as his
tory. In .himself and his rejection at
two successive National elections may
be seen the Incontrovertible evidence
how irresistible is the appeal to the
National conscience. The day that the
American people forget their conscience
long enough to be moved by Bryanic
appeals to baser motives, that day they
are ready for anarchy and then for des
potism. PANAMA INTERVENTION JUSTIFIED.
We desire to call the attention of the
fruitgrowers, woolgrowers and stock
men to a consideration which we fear
has hitherto escaped their notice, rela
tive to the Administration's policy on
the Isthmus. They must all have been
Struck with the air of mystery which
has hung over the Administration's op
erations in Panama. In spite of the
President's recerft 14,000-Tvord message,
there is still something lacking to give
the average man complete satisfaction.
What Is this mysterious consideration
by which our leading statesmen have
beensecretly animated?
The explanation we have to offer Is
suggested by the true and touching
story of one Major Fltz Hugh Edwards,
whose visit to the Isthmus, with Its In
cidental blessings. Is the talk of the
New York clubs. It seems that Ed
wards was as bald as the American
eagle. Somewhere on the Chagres River
he met a band of Indians, who laughed
him to scorn when lie removed his hat
Having winning ways, Edwards soon
made himself agreeable, and the chief
of the tribe said in the native tongue:
"We will give you cover for your naked
ekull.'-'He remained there nearly a year
and went back to New York with much
better hair than he was born with. The
Major assures us that as hair restorers
the Colombians are par excellence, dif
fering entirely from our North Amer
ican Indians, who took all the hair they
could scalp.
Close Inspection of the published por
traits of President Springer, of the Na
tional Association; President Jesse
Smith, of Utah; Secretary Nichols, of
Washington, and Mr. Hagenbarth, of
Salt Lake, embolden us to urge this
Panama discovery upon our assembled
guests as something deserving their ap
proval and good will. It seems to us
that the Administration deserves the
loyal and affectionate support of every
baldheaded man in the country; while
those blessed with the flowing locks of
Ferguson, of Idaho, or Professor Pln
chot, not to mention the flowing whis
kers of our own Belts and Wisdom,
should be Impelled by Christian altru
ism to espouse the cause of their less
fortunate fellows.
Ik is a happy thought that the open
ing of this auspicious year of 1904
should hold out to a hitherto hapless
and persecuted element In our popula
tion the blessed hope of escape from
their humiliation. Against the en
yxachmenU of old Age, the handi
capped entry In the race for love and
fame may call Into requisition the dis
coveries of science. He can formulate
a winning smile by the aid of the dent-'
1st. Drugs will -restore the youthful
color of the hair, tailors will rehabili
tate the form and breakfast foods im
part the invincible jocularity of "Sunny
Jim." But for the smooth and shiny
pate there has been heretofore no balm
In Gllead or elsewhere. Welcome, Pan
ama! Welcome, heaven-sent necro
mancers of the Chagres wilds! No
wonder Senator Hanna has become a
convert to the canal! No wonder Sen
ator Depew will take no chances on Co
lombia's recovering the halr-ralslng and
lyUr-restorlng Republic of Panama?
FRANKLIN, ADAMS & CO.
A few days ago we took occasion to
comment, with reserve of sympathy,
upon the severe case of mulligrubs de
veloped by one George W. Franklin, of
Chicago. The said Franklin, whose
Identity and connections were studious
ly withheld from knowledge, had been
seized with alarm at the prospect of the
Panama Canal as an actual canal In
stead of a mere political and promoter's
paradise. We exploited but declined to
assuage his woe. It now appears that
he has at least one companion In grief.
We refer to one Thomas J. Adams,
whose expression bears a most striking
resemblance In tone and typewriting to
that of Mr. Franklin's, and whose pes
simism moves upon much the same
lines, to-wlt:
More than 1000 men, women and children
were killed, and more than 50,000 persons
made homeless, by disastrous, uncontrolled
floods In the United States during the past
year alone. . The property losses were more
than $100,000,000. These appalling losses are
suffered because the rivers and waterways
within the United States are shamefully neg
lected by the Government. "Why should the
people of the United States be taxed for ex
travagant improvements In a distant foreign
country? Not a single Inhabitant of the
United States will die for the want of the
foreign and far-off Panama canal. TVhy
should the United States bo neglected and
become a secondary consideration?
Although Mr. Adams speaks as one
having authority as well as nerve, we
are unable to find his name In the Chi
cago directory for 1903. He affects to
belong at 103 State street, but as this
Is a large office building whence any
propaganda might issue with small
danger of detection, the responsibility
of the author Is at least open to doubt
It Is sad to contemplate two such bright
minds as those of Mr. Franklin and Mr.
Adams burled under the solemn pros
pect of the Panama Canal and the
equally dispiriting failure of the Gov
ernment to open waterways to aid In
the reduction of railway freight rates.
As their handwriting Is exactly alike,
It is not strange they have been simi
larly affected by the sad intelligence
that weighs them down; but Its bold
and free outlines Justify the hope that
their naturally buoyant and aggressive
spirits will at length rise above the fit
of nervous'prostratlon Into which they
have been thrown. It is not Incredible
that they may be known to each other,
using as they do the same typewriter,
penmanship and method of operation,
and thus through mutual commisera
tion and consolation mitigate their for
lorn state.
If Mr. Franklin or Mr. Adams, or both,
of them, will use their influence with
the railroads they are working for to
facilitate the opening of the Columbia
River at the dalles and thus reduce the
freight rates between the Inland Em
pire and the sea, they will operate to
better purpose than in their effort to
defeat the isthmian canal. The abandon
of woe into which these two estimable
worthies have been thrown Is not an
unmitigated disaster; for the spectacle
of transcontinental railroads grieving
over Governmental neglect of water
ways In competition with them is one
to Illumine the darkest day with a smile
of gayety.
CO-OrERATIVE STOCKRAISING.
Perhaps In no other of the great In
dustries of the country Is the mutual
aid system carried out so thoroughly
and generously as It Is In the range
cattle Industry of the Rocky Mountain
States. It is by this system, judiciously
managed, that cattlemen are able to
make the most of the ranges In grazing
time and segregate their herds for Win
ter's feeding and shelter. The develop
ment of the system was brought about
by necessity. Cattlemen have been
thrown upon their own resources for
the protection and development of their
business, and they have shown wonder
ful adaptability to the situation and Its
changes "during the score or more of
years that have passed since the buffalo
gave place to the flocks and herds of
ranchers on the wide stretches of the
continent known as the great plateau.
President Roosevelt's experience In
stockralslng In the Bad Lands, by
which name vast areas of the Upper
Missouri In Montana are known, as de
tailed In his book, "Ranch Life and the
Hunting Trail," published before his
name was known to National politics,
has been widely read. It deals, how
ever, with a date In which the cattle
Industry was, relatively speaking. In
its beginnings. Little provision was
made at that time for the Winter feed
and care of cattle. The business was
run upon the primitive range plan; the
cowboys led a nomadic life during the
Summer months, and when Winter
came and blizzards, accompanied by
bitter cold, heavy snow and cutting
sleet, held high carnival over the
ranges, the poor brutes sought what
shelter the valleys afforded from the
blasts and eked out a scanty subsist
ence upon browse and the dry grass
that was In patches swept bare by the
wind or perished with hunger and
cold, as the case might be
From this point the development of
the cattle industry, up to the introduc
tion of the present co-operative system,
as now carried on, bristles with hard
facts and adventures; of great gains
one year and of unexpected losses the
next, over which and through which
runs an unwritten tale of cruelty to
animals that Is pitiful. Following the
open-range period, wherein all the herds
grazed and roamed at will In Summer
and got through the Winter as best
they could or perished In the attempt,
came the settler, with his few head of
cattle. Unable to stand the waste of a
hard Winter, he dug Irrigation ditches
and raised alfalfa, which was fed to the
stock during severe weather. The fenc
ing of adjacent pasture lands was tried.
but this proved too expensive and really
seemed useless when hundreds of thou
sands of acres of Summer range lay
just beyond. Then followed a combina
tion of farmers and stockmen, by which
the herds of a number In the Immediate
vicinity were sent out of the settled
portion of the valley as soon as the
Spring opened ordinarily about the
middle of April. These combined herds
ranged in numbers from 400 to 2000
head, and were in charge of from one
to four men. The mess wagon moved
with the herd, and as soon as one local
ity was grazed oft the camp outfit
moved on and the stock was driven to
a new range. The herds were run by
practical cowmen, who were, of course,
daring and practiced horsemen.
The cattle were segregated and re
turned to the owners in October, the
caretakers receiving a stipulated sum
of from 51 to ?L50 per head for those
returned and forfeiting $5 for each head
that was Io3t through careless handling
or lack of vigilance. The surplus was
shipped to the Chicago market and "the
balance of the herd was wintered in the
sheds at the home ranch. Finally, as
the herds increased, a co-operative
round-up association was formed and
the cattle were turned over In the
Spring to the care of Its cowboys. No
attempt Is made to herd the stock ex
cept that lines are ridden to prevent
straying beyond the limits of a certain
territory.
The story of co-operative herding
the branding, the round-up and the
final disposal of the herds, that have
been depleted by the Fall shipments,
for the Winter is interesting. It shows
in detail the methods by which all of
these things are accomplished with sat
isfaction and profit to all concerned.
The stock business has adjusted Itself
to Its environment The possibility of
loss during the Winter has been greatly
reduced. It is no longer considered a
doubtful expedient to loan money on
range stock. Small farmers and herds
men are Increasing their herds. It can
not now, as formerly, be said that there
is no money in the business, for the
small stockowner, since his privileges
through the co-operative method are
equal to those of the large owner, and
the maximum cost of running stock
under present conditions does not ex
ceed $4.50 a year per head. The area of
irrigated land Increases every year.
This means, more alfalfa and further
decrease In the Winter's losses. From
early and crude beginnings the Indus
try has grown Into a systematic busl-.
ness, the details of which are simple
and practical, the returns of which are
widely distributed and In aggregate
enormous, and the risk of which has
been reduced to the minimum.
GORDON AND CEDAR CREEK.
The late Confederate General John B.
Gordon was not a great strategist, but
he was perhaps the most brilliant ex
ecutive officer in Xree's army. Ample
proof of his ability Is found In the fact
that General Gordon was the successful
executive of Early's brilliant surprise
and defeat of Sheridan's army while
under command of General Wright, Oc
tober 19, 1S64. Sheridan had been sum
moned to Washington on the 16th. His
army was encamped on the left bank of
Cedar Creek, a rapid, shallow stream,
just above its junction with the Shen
andoah, a little north of Three Top
Mountain, of the Massanutten Range.
Through the center of his position ran
the valley pike, crossing Cedar Creek
aboujt a mile above its mouth by a
bridged Two miles down this pike is
Mlddletown. Sheridan's line extended
some four miles or more In an Irregu
lar bow. Crook, with the Eighth Corps,
was on the extreme left On the right
of the turnpike the Nineteenth Corps,
under Emory, held the center, along the
brow of the creek. Farther- to the right
was the Sixth Corps, Getty's division
holding the rigfit of the corps and on
the extreme right of the line were Cus
ter's and Merrltt's cavalry divisions un
der Torbert, numbering a force of
nearly 10,000 veteran troopers.
Sheridan's whole army could not have
been much under 40,000, while Early's
forces have been variously estimated
from 18,000 to 25,000, but of these his
cavalry were absolutely worthless. The
Confederate signal station on Three Top
Mountain overlooked the Union camps,
and Early from this point saw his op
portunity and planned a daring surprise
which carne very near proving a com
plete "scoop" of Sheridan's army, and
the chosen executive of -Early's brilliant
stroke was General Gordon. Early sent
Gordon with three divisions In the night
ofthe 18th through the woods around
the base of Three Top Mountain, on the
south side of the Shenandoah, and had
him cross the river quietly below the
mouth of Cedar Creek, where there
were but few Union pickets, and strike
the Union left flank and rear under
Crook, while Early with two divisions
and forty pieces of artillery pushed
straight down the turnpike and struck
the Union left and center in front at
the same time that Gordon was rolling
up its left flank. It was an admirable
plan, and was most successfully exe
cuted by Gordon, who "pulled the la
boring oar" in the whole undertaking.
Gordon for success required energy,
secrecy and knowledge of the country,
for the whole route of his march was
little better than a narrow, blind path.
A heavy fog favored Early, and the
careless feeling of security In the
Northern lines was fatal, so that Early
In the gray of the morning about 5
o'clock ran right over the parapets of
Crook's front, while Gordon at the same
time rolled up its left flank, and within
a very short time Crook's corps was
completely dispersed, losing its camps,
artillery, etc. The flight of the Eighth
Corps uncovered the Nineteenth Corps,
but with Gordon rolling up their flank
there was nothing to do but to get out
so the Nineteenth Corps was driven
from its camps, lost Its guns and tem
porarily disappeared from the field as
an organization. Then Gordon .at
tacked the third and first divisions of
the Sixth Corps, flanked them and
forced them back with heavy loss. Gen
eral Getty now came up with the sec
ond division of the Sixth Corps, and by
his resistance to the onset of the enemy
saved the army from complete ruin. At
this time the Federals had lost twenty
four guns and 1S00 prisoners, arid all of
Wright's army left In the field as an
organized fighting force was Getty's di
vision, supported on Its left by the cav
alry divisions of Merrltt and Custer.
Getty stood off the Confederates and
finally withdrew to a strong position
west of Middletown, where he formed a
new line behind stone walls, rail fences
and In woods, and ordered the reorgan
ized first and third divisions of his
corps forward to this line, while Gen
eral Wright exerted himself to reorgan
ize the Nineteenth Corps on the same
line. At this juncture Early had won a
complete victory, and If he1had prompt
ly withdrawn his army with the cap
tured guns and property he would have
robbed Sheridan of the right to place
Cedar Creek on the list of his victories.
Early desired to do this very thing, but
he could not because his army had be
come so depleted by the crowds of offi
cers and soldiers who stopped to plun
der the captured camps that neither
Gordon nor Kershaw could organize
their troops for advance or retreat The
Confederates had suffered greatly from
lock of clothing and food, and they
could not be held in hand to utilize the
fruits of victory. At about 10 A. M.
Sheridan came up, reformed his lines.
repulsed Early's last assault charged, in
return, broke Earljs weak line, drove
it into demoralized flight and wrested
Early's brilliant victory from his grasp.
There is such a thing' as luck in the
affairs of peace, and there Is luck in
war. Good luck saved Napoleon from
terrible defeat at Marengo, and ill-luck,
not Inefficiency, lost Early his victory
at Cedar Creek. If his victorious troops
had not recklessly left their lines to
plunder the captured camps. Early
could have retired with victory and all
his spoils of war by noon. He deserved
success If he did not attain It, and Gor
don, the successful executive of Early's
daring stroke, rightly regarded his sur
prise of Sheridan's lines at Cedar Creek,
as the brightest feather in his military
plume. Gordon won such high reputa
tion for his conduct on this occasion
that General Lee selected him to com
mand the famous sortie against Grant's
lines before Petersburg, March 25, 1865.
The point of attack was Fort Stedman,
where the opposing lines were only 150
yards apart and the pickets but 50
yards apart
General Gordon says that Lee placed
at his disposal, in addition to his own
corps, a portion of A. P. Hill's and a
portion of Longstreet's, and a detach
ment of cavalry, In all about one-half
the army. This formidable sortie cap
tured Fort Stedman, Batteries 10, 11 and
12, but the supporting troops didn't ar
rive at the appointed hour and daylight
found Gordon with 'his plan only half
executed, so that he was driven back
with a loss of 2000 men. In this under
taking Gordon showed, however, lhat
he was a fit leader for such a desperate
enterprise, for the secrecy with which
he prepared the attack and the energy
and daring with which he captured the
Federal intrenchments In his front
show that if his supports had arrived
when due, before daylight he might
have succeeded In his purpose to disor
ganize and destroy Grant's left wing
before he could recover, and concentrate
.his forces from the right Had he suc
ceeded, as he deserved to succeed,- the
war might have been prolonged an
other campaign..
Charles J. Bonaparte, grand nephew
of the great Napoleon, 1 In certain'
lines, one of the most prominent mem
bers of the United States bar- saga
clous, relentless public prosecutor and
withal a useful . citizen. Summing up
the characteristics of this American.
Bonaparte, a writer in Frank Leslie's
Monthly says:
He has fought for civil service reform and'
a young man stin has lived to see many
of his dreams come true. Personally, he
takes life easily and does not grow excited.
He Is a blue-blood' of the' blue-bloods, but he.
never mingles In the poverty-stricken, ancestor-worshiping
"society" of Baltimore.
He Is a millionaire, but he does not bother
about the stock market. He is the foremost
lay Catholic In the Catholic capital of the
western hemisphere, and the friend, adviser
and. confidant of Cardinal Gibbons, but his'
religion Is not obtrusive. His friends may be
few, but they are friends worth having. His
enemies are enemies that every decent man
should be proud to have.
President Roosevelt clearly knew his
man when he chose Charles J. Bona
parte to Investigate the Indian and
postal frauds. He had known his man
before, having i ought with" him years,
ago the battles of civil service reform.
Outwardly unlike, the President and the
public prosecutor are governed by the
same Ideas, Ideals, theories and mo
tives. Americans can afford to forgive
the bitter slight that the corrupt old
Prince Jerome, his grandfather, put
upon the lovely Betsy Patterson the
first American Princess since out of
this seeming misalliance there came In
the second .generation a man who has
boldly fought political corruption and
uncovered official fraud In the high
places of the Nation.
The virtues of the Ben Davis apple
are quickly enumerated. It is red, of
fair size, and a good keeper. Beyond
this nothing can be said In Its favor.
It takes rank In deceptive appearance
with the "pound pear," and outranks in
tastelessness the great overgrown,
pumpkin-like Gloria Mundi, which was
a product of pioneer orchards when ap
ples were apjsles in Oregon and no
questions asked. It Is unlike the turnip
in that it grows upon a tree, and unlike
that most tasteless of all vegetables, the
Summer squash, in that the latter, by
cooking and liberal seasoning, can be
made palatable. Let us hope that the
voice of horticulture will prevail against
it, and that the trees that produce It
will be uprooted from our commercial
orchards. An apple that Is not an ap
ple, let the Ben Davis pass. It has held
Its place In appledom by Its good looks
and Its habit of drying up without de
caying long enough.
Every citizen, of Portland should in
terest himself In the project of estab
lishing at this city the packing-house
with which the National Livestock As
sociation proposes to fight the packers'
trust The desirability of such an es
tablishment here is known to all read
ers of The Oregonlan's columns,
wherein the subject has been actively
agitated for years. The practice of
shipping live weight East and hauling
back the finished product has been so
often explained that nothing more need
be said on that score. It seems possi
ble now to enlist outside aid In the
project that has long Interested both
consumers and producers here at home.
We hope to see a lively Interest In this
Important matter and the co-operation
of every agency and Individual that is
in a position to lend a hand.
A Spokane lad "who could not live
without her" settled the vexed question
quite seasonably in his career by shoot
ing himself. He was but 16 years old,
and ifhe had lived a few years longer
would no doubt have complicated mat
ters by killing the object of his affec
tions and then taking an Ineffective
shot at himself. He showed a discre
tion all too rare In cases of this kind,
and, under the circumstances, should
be commended rather than censured for
the last act of his life.
Reassuring Announcement.
Kansas City Star.
The announcement that the Burlington
railway system In Nebraska will not op
pose the nomination of Mr. Roosevelt
for President Is distinctly interesting.
While the public may not be exactly pre
pared for the Government ownership of
railroads. It Is certainly, reassuring to
learn that the railroads do not as yet
own the Government
Motto for All Communities.
Dallas (Tex.) News.
The new year should open with one
motto which can be very promptly ac
cepted, the whole country over, by or
derly and law-abiding citizens. "The mob
and the thug must go." That is a good
rule to begin with, and there are few
states or cities In this country in which
it Is not in order to sound the slogan.
IS REMINISCENT VEIN.
The passing of General John B. Gordon
recalls an incident that occurred a number
of years ago when the famous Confederate
leader and myself were fellow-passengers
on a train from Pensacola to Jacksonville,
We were the only through passengers In
the sleeper, and the occasional short-fare
occupant of the car who came and went in
the coarse of the forenoon never disturbed
for a moment the discourse of the finest
war-talker to whom I ever listened. See
ing my G. A, R. button, he had given me
the fraternal greeting of a soldier, and I,
recognizing him at once by the furrows on
his face that had been plowed in the field
of battle, gladly accepted the honor of
comradeship, and was delighted to become
his seatmate for the trip. And so without
further Introduction we had become ac
quainted. Naturally the conversation was of the
strife between the North and the South,
the anti-slavery struggle, secession and
the Civil War. Perhaps I have used the
word Incorrectly, for I scarcely utered a
word after the General entered upon his
theme. It Beemed to me then and has
seemed to me ever since when returning
to it that it would have been a profana
tion to have interrupted the story. It was
an educational experience In statecraft In
political history. In the measure of men,
in the gauge of causes and the importance
of effects; at once a privilege and an en
tertainment But I think he excelled as a
war-talker. Never at a campfire at State
or National gathering of old soldiers have
I ever heard anything which in pathos in
description of battle scenes. In humorous
incidents of march, of camp. In all the
varying moods and phases of a soldier's
life, equalled the vivid story pictured by
General Gordon.
But to the incident At the crossing of
the Suwanee River we were delayed for
several hours by a wreck, and as there
was no dlnlng-car on the train and no
house In sight at which to get a meal, the
question of something to eat Intruded it
self, and the General suggested that we
start out on a foraging expedition. He
said If I didn't mind a walk of a mile or
so he had no doubt we could get a
"snack" at a negro shanty. The General
said that at that season of the year the
negroes had a fashion of sending over to
Pensacola for oysters by the barrel, and
he thought without doubt we would be
able to find a consignment of this kind.
Corn pone was suggested, but the combi
nation, was not. approved, and the oysters,
if they could be had, were preferred
"straight"
At last we saw a cabin with a column
of smoke rising straight and shapely
among the tall pines until it mingled in
the masses of gray moss clinging to the
tufts of foliage, far above the broad
throated stick chimney from which it
poured. The cabin was of unhewed logs,
with projecting ends at the corners on
which hung bits of bright-colored rags,
and the few simple implements with which
an adjacent truck patch was cultivated.
The door was of unplan'ed boards pinned
to wooden hinges and was supplied with a
stout latch, to which the proverbial latch
string was attached. The roof of "shakes"
of uneven lengths made ragged eaves over
which morning-glories had woven festoons
of bright colors and under which, on the
side we approached, the lone window of
the hut. consisting of a single pane of
glass, peered out By the side of this win
dow with its cornice of ine3 stood the
barrel and the contents we were seeking.
An old darky appeared and doffing the
remnants of a hat bade us a gracious
"Good mawnin'."
We were delayed passengers on a
wrecked train, would our friend be kind
enough to oblige us with a bite to eat?
"Oysters?"
" 'Deed, suh, gemmen."
"Crackers?"
" Lt;- suh, jist brung 'em fum Pens
colyi" "And pepper sauce?"
"Yas, suh."-
These several luxuries were produced as
they were named and In addition salt and
a chlseL
And so we fell to. The host opened the
shells, sprinkled a pinch of salt on the oys
ter, a few drops of pepper sauce, and dex
terously slid It on a cracker and presented
it to the guest first to the General, who
had conducted the negotiations and was,
therefore, the responsible party, and then
to me. In this way we were served "time
about" until two dozen Gulf oysters had
disappeared; so the host who had evident
ly been keeping count stated. This seemed
to amuse the General, who advised the man
to send for another barrel at once. When
we had disposed of another dozen or more
the old fellow began to think It would be
necessary to act on this advice. He even
went so far as to remark the cost of the
bivalves, which was "one dollah an two
bits more for freight"
"There's your dollar, my boy, and thanks
besides you are a public benefactor,'" said
General Gordon, tossing a bright silver
dollar to the negro as we turned away.
"No, suh- I ain't no public Democrat"
said the old Senegambian in a towering
passion.
"A public what?" said the General with a
burst of laughter, as he resumed his
course toward the train.
I tried to reason with the old negro;
undertook to explain the meaning of the
compliment that had been bestowed upon
him; reminded him that he had. been paid
five times over for the refreshments we
had received, but all to no purpose until
I told him that he owed an apology to
General Gordon.
"GIn'l Gawdon, suh?"
"Yes, that gentleman is one of the best
friends you colored people have In all the
South."
"Fo Gawd, suh, I'se powful sorry," and
the old man wen on In a strain of self
accusation that was as ridiculous as his
misunderstanding, of General Gordon's re
mark had been.
When I overtook the General he asked
with a twinkle in his eye: "Did you con
vince your brother Republican of the error
of his way?" That was all. He showed
no feoling other than that of pity for the
Ignorance of the poor creature who had
abused his generosity.
As we strolled through the piney woods
on our way back to the train the General's
fancy took a poetic turn, and he reminded
me that we were " 'Way Down Upon the
Suwanee River," amid scenes that had
been made classic In song. Then he spoke
of the love of the people for the songa of
the rivers and the hills of their native land
and of how this sentiment had laken deep
root In the affections of the strongest men
and women In all countries and had been
a well-spring of patriotism and a bulwark
of defense In time of war. He always went
to hear the great singers when they came,
but not for their selections from great
operas, but rather for the songs of the
people which were given at recalls. Thus
he had endured the productions of the cel
ebrated artists of the lyric stage, and thus
he had been entranced with the popular
songs which came as encores and which
were received with thunderous applause.
He always went to hear Pattl, and greatly
enjoyed the range and sweetness of her
voice, but never so much as in "The Last
Rose of Summer," "Home, Sweet Home,"
and "'Way Down Upon the Suwanee
River."
And so saying his words were cut short
by the call of "All aboard." for the track
bad been cleared and the train was ready
to go. JOE FLUFFER.
78,003 to Start With.
Baltimore Sun.
Perhaps some of his opponents have not
considered the start that Mr. Roosevelt
already has for the Presidency. A recent
report shows that there are 78,000 post
offices in the United States. The strenu
ous candidate can, therefore, put down
In his "flggerin-book" 78,003 votes to start
with, including General Leonard Wood.
Jacob L Rils and Dr. Cram. There would
be 78,004, but Mrs. Minnie Cox, of In
dlanola. Miss., unfortunately Is not able
to cast a vote.
THE HAPPY MARRIAGE.
A Ballad London Punch.
OA sensation has been, caused la Portland,
Or., by the arrest of two ladles and. their hus
bands for highway robbery. Evidence was
brought to show that the ladles used to stand
beside their husbands while the robberies were
being; committed and help to rifle the victims.)
When .Emerson K. "Washington met Sadie Q.
Van Pott. i
Her numerous attractions bowled him over on
the spot;
At first distinctly timid, gaining courage by !
degrees.
He rushed Into her presence and addressed her
on his knees:
"Oh. Sadie Q., I worship you, and not as other
men:
My love had proved a worthy theme for Post
Shakespeare's' pen:
My groans and sighs excite surprise whene'er
I pace the street;
I really cannot sleep at all. And, worse, 1
cannot eat.
"For ham and eggs (Virginia style) I've ceased
to care a Jot;
No strawberry shortcake tempts me now,, nor
Boston beans, served hot
The oyster-stew 1 wave aside; I cannot touch
a clam;
From these remarks you'll judge In what a
wretched state I am.
"So do decide to be my bride; oh, heed a lov
er's prayers;
Admit some sunshine to a lot, which now la
dark with cares.
But lest without refiecUon you are tempted to
decline.
Til picture what will happen should we form
the said combine.
"Most husbands treat their wives as dolls, and,
sorrowful to state,
Refuso to let them take a hand In things of
any weight;
Myself I mean to act upon a widely different
plan:
For Lovely Woman's duty lies. I hold, in help
ing Man.
"If you elect to marry me, my angel bird,
you'll be
As .partner In my business quite Invaluable to
mt.
And what that business Is, without preamble,
I will tell:
You see in mo a footpad. And I'm doing very
well.
"'"Way out in pleasant Oregon my humble
trade I plyr
Few highwaymen have got a larger clientele
than I;
Think not that these are Idle words. With
truth my claims agree;
You may have heard of Sand-Bag BUI'? Ex
actly. I am he.
"So, If my proffered heart and hand you'll but
consent to take.
You'll come with me on every expedition that
I moke:
Together, hand in hand, my love, at night
we'll roam about.
Entrap the guileless traveler, and briefly
clean him out"
His speech was scarcely finished, when quoth
Sadie. "Wal. I vum!
"What, marry you, my Emerson? I calculate!
TVhy, some!
Stray travelers In Oregon will soon be mighty
sick;
Ring up the parson on the 'phone, and get it
oversllck."
The parson put the service through without the
least delay;
And Emerson and Sadie Q. were wed that very
day;
Their happiness, I'm glad to say. Is wholly
free from cares;
I never knew so prosperous a married life as
theirs.
For every night when dinner's o'er, and spark
ling shadows fall.
They take their knuckle-dusters from the hat
stand in the hall.
And Emerson says. "Sadie, have you cart
ridges, ray pet?
Your Iron, is it clean and bright?" And Sadie
says, "You bet!"
.And then through quiet streets they prowl,
through dim-lit squares they roam.
They Intercept the passer-by, -aa he Is hurrying
home;
And- Emerson's destructive club upsets him-
with a crash.
While Sadie's nimble fingers gather In the
needful cash.
So on they go from day to day, as happy as
can be.
And In this simple tale. I think, a moral we
may see:
The married state can never be completely free
from strife,
Unless a man's profession also interests his
wife.
y .
Condition of Our Railways.
St Paul Pioneer Press.
Railway earnings In 1903 were marked
by a continued Increase In gross earnings
over the previous year and also by an
increase In net The gains In net were,
however, very noticeably lower than the
Increase In gross. This was owing to the
high cost of material, and the increases
In wages and other expenses of opera
tion and maintenance. In fact while the
increase in gross was very heavy, 70 per
cent of It was absorbed by Increases In
operating and maintenance expenses and
only 30 per cent of It went to net earn
ings. Of course, if there should be a
falling off In gross earnings without a
substantial reduction in expenses net
earnings would be greatly reduced. But it
seems that the railroads, as a whole, are
not altogether without resources. For
even If they could not reduce wages or
get their materials at lower cost they
can suspend betterments or cease to pay
for them out of current expenses, charg
ing them up to maintenance, as many of
them have done. The physical condition
of most properties is excellent; they are
In a much better position to operate
economically than they were prior to
1893 and they can afford to postpone Im
provements. With this means at their
command the possibility of suspending
dividends In case of a setback Is much
less likely than It would superficially appear.
Gross Carelessness Evident.
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The old year went out after a long
series of disastrous railroad wrecks and
the new year starts under much the same
inauspicious omens. It Is idle to assert
that the series of wrecks of the past few
weeks would have happened If ordinary
care had been exercised or that they
could have happened In any other coun
try than the United States. Only the
grossest carelessness could have caused
such a catalogue of horrors, and only
through culpable indifference on the part
of the. people does such carelessness be
come accepted as a thing to be impotent
ly deplored and not passionately resented.
Furor Scrlbendi.
Susie M. Best In Frank Leslie's Monthly.
Mother's got the writing fever.
Father's had it for a year.
Sister's "daffy" on the subject
Brother says the pen's his sphere
Uncle's always planning essays.
Aunt Is busy making rhymes.
Grandma's writing "Recollections"
My! but these are learned times!
Niece Is editing a paper.
Nephew's got the sporting page.
Cousin's got the social column;
Writing! "Writing's all the rage!
Cook has quit to write up menus.
Housemaid she skipped out today,
Says that she can write a novel
Just as good as Bertha. Clay.
Coachman says he's sick and tired
Holding reins for other folks.
He's resigned he's found his mission
Going to- write up funny Jokes.
Seamstress left to write up fashions,
"Washerwoman winks her eye:
-Says that she can scribble poems
While the clothes are getting dry.
Teacher's writing nature sketches.
Lawyer's making legal notes,
Politician's filling volumes
On tha crime of buying votes. ,
Everybody, everybody -
Ramping after fame and pelf
Gosh! I, too. have acght the spirit
Going to turn a .scribe myself!
4 S0TE JLDCQiIMEiNT,
"Come, My Corlnna, Come."
As Jim Ham Lewis was slumbering In
a Pullman berth, he was poked, in .the
ribs with an umbrella by a woman who
thought the berth was occupied by her
sister, whom she wanted to "roust out"
Kitty, my dear; come. Kitty, see here.
If you don't soon be waking, I'll give you a
shaking:
It's time you were up and your breakfast
a-talclng.
Come. Kitty, ray pretty; It's surely a pity
A girl should be choosing to be there a-snooz-
ing.
The beautlfulbeatlss of scenery losing.
Wake up and be' Jolly, or with aid of my
"brolly? -
I'll poke at your ribs till you catch on your
trolly.
Hal now you are wriggling; no' loafing-or hig
gling. But up Just as quick as a lamblet 'or pigling.
So off with your nightie, my slug-a-bed god
dess, Be as quick as you're flighty and on with
your bodice.
Oh, Kitty, you dear one; it's you are the' queer
one;
Are you starting a blaze with your torn-fooling
ways?
Or what is this glowing that's growing and
showing
Like a very pink hate to my wondering gaze?
You're the friskiest .brisker of all frisky
friskers.
But angels above it's a T"i" with plnfe
whiskers!
A Punishment or Not..
Ex-Congressman Driggs was sentenced
to one day In jail, and for all that Is
told in the dispatches the day may have
been a Sunday.
Gin a body see the shoddy coming through the v
dye,
Gin a body's wearing shoddy, watch the glassy
eye;
Gin a body's dressed in shoddy he had better
fly.
For a' the lads they're wise to that a-comin'g
through the dye.
Mary had a little lamb.
Its fleece was white as snow;
It heard the cattlemen were here
You should have seen it go!
When is a steer not a steer?
The only use some fellows have fo
wool Is to pull ft over other fellows' eyes.
Municipal action concerning slot ma
chines Is almost as uncertain as the ma
chines themselves.
X
Of all "rummy" strikes, surely that of
the Peruvian pawnbrokers Is the rum
miest The knights of the golden balls
In hoc slgno apparently want a pledge
from the government not content with
those they get from the people.
In the city health reports yesterday ap
pears the name of little Miss Marquam.
Hill, who Is unlucky enough to have the
measles. It would be curious to learn
whether or not there is a boy in the state
bearing the name of Mount Hood.
Bryan advocating better residences for
our Ministers abroad is a strange sight
Perhaps since prosperity has caused a
painting of Nebraska barns', the change to
the bleak legations proved too much for
even Mr. Bryan's homespun faiths.
Poolrooms In New Tork defied the
efforts of the police. But the telegraph
companies put their tolls up a couple ot
notches and the poolrooms closed their
doors. The gamblers felt that the com
panies were kinder raising the juice.
A painting of "Ousters' Last Stand" was
presented to the Capitol at Topeka by a
Brewing company. The antl-alcoholtcs
were very indignant, and the name of th
brewery was erased. Now a fair Kansas
damsel has sliced the canvas into sec
tipns as a slight token of disregard for
brewers and their gifts. As the churches
will 'not refuso money from a gambler,
why should nondrlnkers refuse a painting
from a brewer?
Sir Herbert Maxwell, a Scottish sports
man and essayist of note, says the word
whisky means water and nothing else.
The Gaelic name for whisky is ulsce bagh,
which Is the exact equivalent of the
French eau de vie. In the course of
time the bagh was dropped, and ulsce.
which means water, came to be the name
of a drink which no self-respecting Mc
Tavlsh It was aMcTavlsh that would
have spoilt the flood by drinking up the
water, "had it only been but one-half
Glenlvet" would contaminate with
water.
WBX. J.
"Pennsy," the Oldest University.
Philadelphia Record.
That the University of Pennsylvania Is
the oldest university in America has een
established by Charles W. Dulles, a grad
uate of Pennsylvania. The university Is
not the oldest college, though it was es
tablished in 1740, but it was first to take
steps toward the enlargement of the cur
riculum by the addition of a separate de
partment for graduate study the School
of Medicine having been founded In 17C5.
This was the first actual realization of the
university idea in the colonies, but the
idea of university was in the minds of
the founders as early as ITco when the
College of Philadelphia was given the
power to grant "the usual university de
gree." Both Harvard and Yale are con
siderably older than Pennsylvania, the
former dating back to 1636 and Yale to
1700, but neither established separate de
partments for medicine and law until
after the university had led the way.
Fatal British Climate and Cooking
London Truth.
The climate of England kills half the
population; the cooking kills the rest
Throughout the world, wherever there Is
the sun or a spring, there are English
men and women- endeavoring to repair
their constitutions. The medicine bill of
the English people-together with Its ac
companying expenses Is sufficiently large
to support a second-rate Power, and does
mainly support many largo and small
towns on the Continent and elsewhere.
OUT OF THE GINGER JAR. .
"That Mr. Galley must be very poor."
"TVhy?" "I asked him how he made his
money and he said he earned It." New
Yorker.
Badger Come, tell me, do you ride an au
tomobile because you like it? Cadger Part
ly, but principally because other folks don't
like it Boston Transcript
"This seems to be the age," grumbled the
housewife,, "where you are unable to get
anything except something that 'Just as
good as something else. " Chicago Post.
Bargayne There's an agitation to reduce
the price of theater seats. Mrs. Bargayne
Oh, Henry, won't It be lovely when one can
buy a matinee -ticket for $1.19! Town Top
ics. Agent Welt did the preparation I sold
your grandfather make him seem younger?
Stubb Yes; we gave him an overdose and
ever since he has been crying and playing
with a rattle. Chicago News.
Calvert Jr. What is your uncle doing
now?. Baity Moore Sitting on Juries. Cal
jrert, Jr. What! Why, I thought he was
Judge. In one of the higher courts. Baity
Moore He is. Baltimore American.
"See here, butcher, this meat is half bone."
"You are mistaken, sir; that is good meat-
"Botheration! Do you suppose I don't know
bone when I see it? I say this la bone!"
"Yes; certainly that's bone. The bone Is
bone, but tho meat Isn't You said that the
meat was- half bone." Kansas City Journal.