The state Republican. (Eugene City, Or.) 1862-1863, February 21, 1863, Image 1

Below is the OCR text representation for this newspapers page. It is also available as plain text as well as XML.

    rn jj
PAN
IMJl UJJiu
1 NO
DEVOTED TO THE POLITICAL AND GENERAL INTERESTS OP THE PEOPLE
vol. ir.
EUGENE CITY, OREGON,' FEBRUARY 21,
lou.
NO. G.
J 1 $L
THE STATE REPI'DLICAX.
Published every iSuturJay by
J. NEWTON GAX.:E.
Terms of Subscription.
Th nKPUSMctx vill no oublislieit at "ni stearin til
Viajtf ; ci lit II tltl'l at llitf L-im 4)1 six meatus ; or it i"
--. liu eioso u thu year. One uallar a-lutiunal will ue
Ch3rjrL.l I'.ir eaeli year pic, nu-nt is iter'n-eie'l.
Xii paer's ilis-MintmuiiJ uunl all arrearages arc
--aid, except at our option.
Hate of Advertising.
One square (ten lint- or less; oni mouth,
Ejeli additional insm-tiim,
business Carjs, one s piarc. or less, one year,
' six inoatiis,
'onr squares and upwards, one year, per mpi are,
" six inontiis, per square,
' tiiree months, '
Admmistr atnr'.s Notices, mid all udveriisemenls re
lating to estates of deceased persons, wliiell
have to be sworn to, one square, tour insertions.
3 00
flu
12 ml
8 mi
10 on
7 on
5 00
5 00
To AnvKimsKits. -Ifasincss men throughout Oregon nnd
California will tin 1 it are atlv to tlieir uitvuutuge to adver
tise in the Statu Ueimiulican.
Tha Law ol Newspapers.
1. Subscribers who do not L'ive express notice to the
nntr.irr. are considered us wishing to continue tlieir stiu-
1 II' subscribers order the discontinuance of their pa-
purs, the publisher may continue to sciu uijin mi an ai
rcaraa" are paid ,
.1 If sub-Tibers nc 'lent or ref i.e to t ik ; tlieir papers
r . n, . i ,viiiii tliev are ire"--.-'! thev are Held
ii.,w.i'i! till thev have settled the bill and unlered the
n.on.i- .1 i.-ottti lined.
4. It' subscribers remove to other places without in
forming the nn ilishcr. and the paper is sent to the lonner
:n,l.i Ow.ir nc, hdl.l resnoilS! Illl'.
S. The courts liavoile 'i led that refusing to tnko ft pa
per from the o'liee, or removing and leaving it uncalled
for, is prima ficia evidence of intentional ft and.
CU illE iPtlVIJKXCE.
Tho ftu'lowiiijj extracts nro from a cntres
pondence between two brothers-both preacher.
O.ie lives in Illinoi-!, the other in Oregon After
nUnd'uig to tho usual family matters the Illinois
brother says :
You open your letter In
stilling that my last was h ib-fciise of modern
Democracy, etc. 1 do not recollect us to that,
lint, I do not think it need any ot her defense mm
th in an honest lo -k at wil it. " Jfidfra Rtt')li-enni-m"
litu done foroiir country. It hss broke
iil the peace oi tile nation, churches and families;
it his involved its in a civil and foreign war; it
ha ''cnn"a!iz d 'Ik! i-aio-i and people lo the low
e.t depths ; it has disregarded nnd trampled on
Mir lVsiisti tul ion and laws in a most shameful
nvn'ier ; it has involved us in a delit of 500,
000,000; it h is broke, up our commerce, until
now in this j.ln 'o corn is only worth 7 t i S cents
yr bushel, ail 1 all the firmer makes for sale in
p"'ioirti n ; it has raised the price oHniport
until eofie'i is worth 25 cents per pound and
nlK-r tlin its in propnriioii ; it, lias filled our land
wi'li vindictive malice, hailed, death and mourn
ie:. and all grown out of the evcrhislin'r n'ipier
agitation. I rejoice that what little itiflucrce I
hi've had has been all the tint" exercised iioiiust
it (modern liepublica ism). IIuT I shall stop
this bv sivitc.' 'hut we are as I think in the di
rect road to i urn as a nation, and that brought
, t , . . . i ei i ' . 1
on iy tni) .or:ii iiit;iiiiv in tne i nun n ami
Slate, and in every possible way, the slavery
question. I regard Abe Lincoln, and in the
main his supporters, much worse tra'ors t: our
glorious Union ami Government although thev
art! nt its head by a minority vote of the people,
than Jeff Havis and his party who have renoime
ed it altogether. - You now know what I am.
You state " issues change but principles re
main the snnie." The issues are the same lie
tween the friends ami enemies of our Con-titu
tion r,d Government. The enemies tire now
unfortunately in lower, but n day ofreikoiiing
will come and I hope and pray it may con e soon.
1 urn for the Union, the Constitution and the
laws made under it, with all my heart, but I
bt lieve I he policy of the party in power what
ever may be their pretentions to loyalty and
patriotism, to be opposed to the Union and n
direct violation o! the plain letter and also the
spirit f the Constitution, hence I have no sv in
pathy for ihem.
Thomas, (his eldest son, F.r-) was sometime
in the Missouri State army, holding the place of
( lartermaster fr a regiment. But after the
battle; of Spuirgfiold in which he was, he resigned
and came home, lint everyth'u JZ in Missouri is
Utterly ruined so fir as business is concerned.
John (his second son. ed ) was in Gen. Price's
arm the hist I heard from him. He has been
in
quite A number of battles, among others
l!oonei!le and Lexington. lie was wounded at
Bonneville in the leg but the bone was not bro
ken, and in five or six weeks he was able to join
his regiment again, lie is drill master with the:
rank of Captain. It was very much against try
wish to have the boys go in the army at all, ei
ther North or South, but could not prevent, if.
I hope you w ill not feel huffy
over this letter, but as you seemed to rongrat
date yourself that we were now under the same
flig. and at the same time intimated that you
h id let changed vour views, therefo-e I must
have changed mine, so I felt like r.nde.-eiving
you. I am now v here I hive been fir the last
twenty y-ar as to the slavery qne-tion : That
i, I don't want ! live with l hem, or own th-m.
i-r have anything to do with them, and feel I ke
letting them alone v. ho b'. nnd am decidedly
nnd in my very heart and judgement oppo-e 1 to
Close wno live in me iree oraies ineiniiiejj wuti ,
the !avery question m any way whatever.
Y,.,,, n,,t I.-'.,.-..., I, .... A I .
1 til, . .i, i.i..- ,! ...-..l......'. I I .1. '..!.!
. j"''o mi, r-pi.i,, i .
jud-evonr chriMiin fijoym-nt from what yon '
writ. You in this are n- t alone. Almost all !
ii"u s nil iniiii.r.oi us. iiiinr-, bio sounj
of our Abolition r-re-.chcrs hsve bit the church. ;
as tha fruit of their labors on that subject.
la this State we are very ;
mm h divided as to the policy of Lincoln, but ail j
deny being abolitionist. 'By th time this
reaches J "U, 1 hope we will lie ah'e to son n
little furtln r ahead. At imy rate write to me.
Write ntiy way yon please :nnl or in a good
humor any way, write, it will nut h'.irt us.
Revily.
You nppenr apprehensive that Imy be
"Imf.
dear
such
such
I fy ' or
mad at vour letter. iNow mv
brother. I will say to you. dismiss all
thoughts from your mind. I entertain no
feelings towards you, but rather those ol
that my older broth, r should be tile victim of
such gross prejudice and blind infatuation. I w ill
not say a word for the purpose of irritating you,
but I beg you to riermit mo to deal candidly
with yon and use plain talk. We have had con
siderable controversy in days bygone, and some
that v as not very pleasant, and in my last letter
to you I thought I would wave subjects of con
1 roversv, and write about (hose things upon
which w e were agreed, for I could not for a mo
ment allow myself to believe that you had turned
traitor to the Government ot your country ; and
hence, was not altoget her prepared to receive so
belligerent and war-like an answer from you ; hut
I will try and wade through it patiently, and an
swer it with such facts and argummts as will
commend themselves to y our consciousness, g.,
much for an introduction.
You say that, modern liepub ieanism '-has broke
up the peace of the nation, churches and families;
it has involved us in a servile and foreign war ;
it has demoralized I he i:att.,n and people to die
lowest depths ; it has di-.i i garded and trampled
upon our Con-tilutioii and laws iti the. most
shameful manner; it has involved u3 in a debt of
$500,000,000 ; it h.is broke up our commerce,
until now in thia place corn is only worth seven
to eight Cents per bushel, and all the farmers
make for sale, in proportion ; it has raised the
price of imports until colT e is 25 ecu's per
pound, ami other things in proporiion ; it has filled
our country with vindictive malic?, hatred, death
mourning, and a'l growing out of the everlasting
'nigger (jiiistion.' " Here I h ive quoted your
own language at length, and I must, say that it is
t singular piece of composition. First, you say
that modern liepu'olicani -m has done all this
mischief. This is mere assertion of yours with
out the shadow of proof. )id you expect me
to receive tliis bold statement, wit iioilt t he senib
'a o of testimony ' I'.it this is not the worst
tcatuiv ir. I he. in itier. Yon th"ii say that it
grew out ot tlic agitation or me negro question.
or the ''negro agitation. Now, my broiln-r, you
have lifle I the responsibility ot all the. crimes
and calamities off of "mo leru Republican
ism," ioi.l j laced it on tile ''everlasting negro ag
itation! ..vv let us impure wno nave been
he agiutors. Every well iiit'ouii. ,1 pi rson knows
In there are two classes of agitators. The first
uid prii a: pal cisss are t hose wno present, advo
ate and liefeiul a -vsiem ; the second are those
wlio oppose and condemn it. I n cr this view
i the subject, it is easy to determine who h ive
been lh" principal agitators. It. is inipos idle to
g 't up an imitation upon any subject until its
friends thrust it, upon pu .U!; attention. I his
:hi;v can d either by words or actions. If a
inject has no advocates, all stiife and ngita
lion die out like tire Ibr the want, of fuel. It the
friends in d lovers of slavery had been content
r it to remain wilhin and not en beyond its
constitutional limits (the States in which it exist
i d) there would have been little ngital ioli outside
i hose Siates. Ibit when the ft lends of the "pe
miliar institution ' dragged Texas into the Union
and made war upon Mexico for the purpose of
spreading, sireiigth.-ning an I perpetuating this
foul leprosy of slavery, then the f i n Is ol free
ilom became justly alarmed, and began to agitate
in the oppoitn direction. Now suppose that
the slavery propag an. lists had submitted to the
will of anti-shivery people and given up their mad
and wicked scheme of strengthening human
bondage ; would not the everlasting negro agita
tion have ceased ? Then why did they notecase
th-ir agitation, and give the country peace?
There rta but a little handful of them, compara
tively speaking some 350 000 slaveholders, and
yet they must, excite, agitate and disquiet this
great mil ion of . 0,000, 0v0 of people.
But I will now say that Stvph ai A. iJoiiglas.
who is gone lo Ids account, did more to excite
and -l'o oke deep, general and violent agitation
than any five ant i-slaveiy men in this nation.
When he introduced and persistently advocated
his bill to repeal lh .Missouri Compromise line,
and thereby open tho 11 o g a'e of slavery extcn
sion ; this movement shook ibis nation to its
center, and created one general 1nz a of excite
in-lit. and agitation all over the United Srate.
inl yet you, mv brother, supported this urcli
"negao agitator for tho presidential chair, if I
have correct information on the subject. The
gre t and moving eau-es of "negro agitation''
within the last twenty year ., was tirst, S cret iry
Calhoun's ree'omuieiidation to annex Texas fir
the avowed purpose of extending and strengthen
ing that institution ; second, 4 de-man I id slave
advocates to have all the territory acqu'red from
Mexico open to the institution ( slavery ; and
third, the repeal of the Missouri Compromise
line. 1 hese. me isaires canned ih,- "negro 'fa
lion," and now I ask, wl: is responsible f r ir ?
..e tin re i lea, b-f -re I lc.iv.
this p r? ol th.
Ul.jeet. lour reasoning conveys tlu tin that ; "lr 1 -l?c. '"tier oppoTienr, wnen m eonio.-., ..
vou do not consider adv.MMtn.g "sl.iv cry , gii.i- r ' vote, and J. if. an avowed secessionist
bug the matter at all opt osi; ion abefe is agita j 1 disunioi i t the fir-t using almost superhn
tiou. Is th:s in accordance with tiuth ? Tlieii. i -ff "'Is tosu-t tin the Constitution, Laws and
if agitation id' slavery has caused all the evils i ""' '""'on. whlie Ihe latter is using every pos-i.
thst i.tlle-tour country, modern Democrats nrel l,!'' cfrtion to destroy them all ; your prayers
rcsponsili.e
f.r it. I have made these arguments'
. i
mum your iio-i'ioti. tnat
ni-'ro a '.tatiii has I
. j . i. . . . . i i . I . ..... :i . i !
r.iiise.i i ui. i roii i ,it- now its itoun iiicr-ri
. . . . - i :. - .".i.i- - '
1ST Co ail V 11 cessar v a ;i 1 1, se pa ra ot O roni'eilio,,
between "negro agin tion'' and the J. ff Davis"-
rebellion ? D.d the notation create an inexora-'
1.1,. , .itv for rebellion ? Von knoir that it
ditrtol. li.J it j'tt'ifj tho rebellion ? What
,uy you?
Bit agiit, h ive not "modern Republicans," a
we;j , ,,()f,r cj.;-, United St,
right to mvesti
gate or agiiate any subject, or sys.
.1 w .. e .1. . .11 Tl.: .
teiun affecting
in e.i oe oi i no peopie i "i
is me of the glories of the Constitution of the
United Stales, that it secures to every citizen the
ngtit to investigate ami ulil sli ms views upon . t lie Stars an I Stripes, with the Constitution of
all subjects of interest. And slavery is the only tle United Siates for his cuide.and Davis, under
sulijcct that I know of that asks to be exempted L strange and barbarous fl ig, with a new Const i
from examination. You freely accord to all the tin ion formed nn.b-p a divi.ion of ih,. Sii...
privilege ot arguing ami ot investi
gating the claims of Christianity, the nature of
r generation and the doctrine of atonement ; but
American shivery is to sjicrcd to ho enquired
into we may freely overhaul all other sunjeits
but we mu st keep hands off of human lion. Inge !
I have always heard it said (and believe the sav
ing true) that investigation never injures the
truth ; til it it comes out of the ordeal brighter
and stronger than when it entered. I have tin
derstood that falsehood shuns the light, and
avoids examination. Is this correct I If the
Ci'.l.tmitii s our coui.tr)' is now suffering grow
out of the -'everlasting negro agitation," i have
fixed, iminoveably, the responsibility of the same
upon ''modern Democracy."
But 1 will now point you to the true cause of
all the distress ot our nation, and that, is Amor
icon slavery ! This is the foundation of '.he
whole. Is this ''everlasting negro question" an
evil I If so, out of what did it grow Out o
slavery as a matter of course.
If shivery had
never been planted on Amcric
an soil, would
there have I ceil ny agitation on the subject ? Il
it did not ,-xist in our country now, would there
unv agitation of it at. the present? This is
the poison root from which has grown till the
distress i f the American people. This dark,
hideous, horrid monster, slavery, "has broke tiji
the peace oft lie na'ion, churches and families."
and caused all that long train of evils of which
you speak.
Again, you say that modern Kejaiblicanism
h is "irainpled the Constitution and laws under
loot in the most .shameful manner." Why did
you not poi it out one instance in which they did
ihis. Assertion without proof has but little cffs'l
with me. I deny, positively, that the Republi
can party have l one any such thing. A moments
it 11 ction ough to have taught you belter than
to make such a sta etin nt mid iherby involve
v our.sclt in such an absurdity. When did the
Hi-publicans come into power, (hit is. the ndmin
i tration of tin- Government ? The 4th ot march
lMil. When did the rebellion commence? several
months before hand under the udminis'ration of
modern I e nocr.il s, ih.; same who have held the
ruins of Government and guided the shii ot state
for tint hi-tIS e..rs ; and where di I they guide it
to? li ght into the whirhiool of rebellion, and
just vvlien the noble ship w is about going down
mud the waves ot anarchy, and desoo'ism. the
U. p i Mica i crew stepped on bourd ' honest Abe"
grasped the helm, put the ship about, pointed
her prow to the haven of constitution d liberty
and the glorious old vessel is majestically riding
the mad waves of secession and rebclioii. How
could they "trample the constitution and laws
Under their feet" before thev Were ertrusted
with their administration? You mu:t seethe
ibsnrdity of this statement. Now, say that
nio.lern Democracy h id all the nower in its own
nanus wnen mis msim,. nnil wicket! rebellion was
commence., moilern Democracy noe'ed on bv
the black monster, slavery, did the acenr ed deed.
I hey held the executive, legis'ati ve, and ludiiial
Department of thcGi uernnient a I in their own
possession, and no bki-ldiood of either passing
I way from them, exeet the Executive. Who
resolved South Carolina. Geor ia. Alabama.
Mississippi, Louisiana ct -. out of the Union 1 An
wcr, modern Democracy. Who fired tpon the
Sraroflhe West ? Mod' rn Democrats. Who
planted il e r batteries and pointed tin ircinnon at
Ft. Siimpter? Modern I). mocracy. Who can
initialled the same Fort, hauled down, and trim
pled I Iks United States flag, tie- stars and stripes
ii th dust.? Modern Demoerfi's. Who ran up a
I'llmetto or ratt'c nake flag in its stead?
Modern Democrats. Who raised an army and
marched fn the I'otomae, threatening fn capture
the United States Ciit,il ? M idem Democrats.
Ami who r topped tlieir progress and saved the
Capital ? Itepublicai.s ; who fried to force
Mary land out of the Union? Answer, modern
Democrats, ,-u d ho prevented th.-m ? Modern
Republicans. Who tried to force Missouri out ot
the Union? Mo I -rn D "no -r its ; who prevent
ed them? Modern Republicans. Who took
the dian luc i at the battle of Bm neviile ? A mod
crn I )emocrat.
I now come to notice h part of rour letter
that requires me to bear heavily upon you. You
ay: "I regard Abe Lincoln, and in the main
his suonorters. much worse traitors to our glo
rious Union and Government, than Jeff Divis."
Again, you te rue tint yu are f rthc " Union
the Constitution and h" laws made under it.
with all your heart." Th--n ns yu consider
1 resident L neoln is doing more injury lo the
Union nt.d Constitution, that von love so well,
than Jiff Davis, your sympathies and feelings
must be with the latter, consequently I am force
reluctantly to the conclusion that you nr a dis
unionist and that secession nest'es in your bosom.
Oil! hoy mortifying this is to me !
President L neoln was roi -t 'utionally el--t.-l
to that high olli -e and so pro- minced by B - -k.
1 intercessions arising r..r rus i. ne larier ;
j . f i x ...
' . ami yet you are a I uiori man; .ovr,
m v b rot he r iL'rn i. h.i f.iw.0 h.r lo st ri, I
. -
vou
are e.th. r for t.inoolu .r f..r !-ivist lher i lint
hairs breadth of ground between; tic re is no
'''it'P' these conclusions henoe I am bound to ,
yon secs,ioni,t or e se you are envel
ped in smh cloud of prejudice that you don't
understand yourself. Query, do von live in that
Vrt ' Mim-i called Egypt? If', this cir
- "irnst.yijcc may c,?,w,t f.,r vour AtM in-
. i
W,ns-H.e..y. Y. u are surroui d d with Egyptian
t . . . . . . s;
darkness. As I u-li to make this matter
jfcctlv pla n, I will preseii
ja,v 'lt t(, contending
per
ut it further
Now there
tare out t o contelulin .' narties Lincoln, under
his conduct being morn in accordance with vour
views of propriety, yon nnist necessarily rejoice
in his victories and mourn over Lincoln's;
you mouin over Davis' defeats, and rejoice over
Lincoln's ; if this is not treanon what is? You
say that Lincoln was elected by a minorily vote.
Now I say that he received a respectable majori
tv of ihe electoral votes overall hiscompetitors.
If you menu the popular vote of the people, I
reply that he had a much larger popular veto
than old leu Ice an had, and I never heard of
your objecting to his Admiuistraton on that ac
count. You say a i!ay of reckoning will conic,
and you hope and pray that it may come snon.
if your mind was not. enshrouded in darkness,
you would peri cive that a day of reckoning h i
already come, is now upon the nation for the
injustice, the oppression and roberies committed
by modern Democrats in obedience to I ho de
mall, Is of slavery. Look at Missouri ; you say
lh.it Slate is "liltcrallv ruined." ! say she is
suffering the just penalty of h ! robberies and
oppression. Had it not been for slavery, she
would now be taring as well as Illinois. Look
at Lifivette county. Utile Bill Russell said
that that county had spent tfc'JOO.OOO in thecD'a-
to force slavery upon Kansas. Ihe town ot
Lexington planted her (anno upon the hank of
the river, and compelled steamboats loaded witl
Free Slate emigrants, to come to shore, robbed
the emigrants, imprisoned some and turned olhei s
back ie a slate of destitution. That county and
town were more r impant in their blind fury
upon lieeiloni in Kansas than any oilier portion
ol the State, and now Providence has sent them
cannonading nnd war to their heart's content
Vou know that the south-west Mi-soiirhins have
traiuiileil law anil orcler iniiler toot on various
occasions, and now a day of reckoning has come
But I say Missouri is not "laterally ruined." Sh
win come ion rrom tue iiirnace a purer aim a
better State. Radians and outlaws will be put
down, and honest men will be raised upwhi w ill
respect the lights of their fellow men.
In the next place I w ill uolice your position on
slavery, and you need not be surprised if I con
viiice you that you are now and have been for
the last thirty years, a rank pro-slavery prcachi r.
ion say that you "ilo not want to own staves,
lo live among them, or have anything lo do with
them. I his proves nothing as to your views of
the coral ch aracter of the practice. Many per
sons do not wish to do things themselves tint
they have no objections to others doing. Y u
further say that you are "decidedly opposed to
persons living out. of the Slave Stales meddling
with slavery in any manner whatever." Now
you do not waul to seize upon your fellow man,
and rob him of every right makes life dear, bur
vou can stand bv and look on with stoic indid'e
reiice, while others do this villuii s deed. Not
o ily so, but you can stand, as it were, with
drawn sword (that is tongue and pen) and cut
and thrust every arm that is put. forth to drag
l he oppressor oil' his victim. If you were to
act the same part towards a highway robber and
his victim, you would be held and judged in law
as equally guilty and deserving the same punish
nuiit with the aittor.
As to 1 homas and John joining the rebel
army, I consider you responsible for that also.
Y"ii say you were very much opposed to their
joining "cither army North or South." Here
you place this pro.savcry rebellion on an equal
ity with the lawlnl Government of the
United Stales. Now I should say that a father
who cares no more for the well'u e of his country
h in you seem to (I judge of your indifference
liy spi aki' g ot the United States army in the
Siine manner you do of the rebel arniv) ought
to expect his sons to join in a rebellion. If you
had taught your sons the unjust and villainous
nature of American slavery, they would never
have joined a rebellion to extend and perpetuate
if. If you had taught them that all men, regard
less of color, have an inalienable right to life,
liberty and the pursuit of happiness, they would
never have been guilty of the horrid i rime of
treason ngait st their Government. But the deed
is done and llm disgrace is upon thein for lite,
but I hope they may repent and liud forgiveness.
l-'cciinj I lift II limps.
Colonel H , tells a capital story of a ccr.
tain wag in the interior, a jolly publican, who
contritiulos a good deal to tint lift of that picas-
I ant though soim tiui s obstinate borough. One
uiori.ing a traveling phrenologist hi rive I at ins
inn. And the next da. nppe. red in llm village
paper a I ad yertis.-niis it, slating that Prof.)sor
15 had arrived, and would mak", "for a
eoiisi.lei at ion," examinations of the heads of the
ciUZ-ns, and accompany the ume with accurate,
and reliable charts o character. Fur three or
lour d iys his calls were sparse ; but on the fifoi
day there was a rush of live or six to tho ap nt
ments of t lis Professor. One morning a conn
try man entered Hie inn where the phi-i-nob-jri-d
had his room, and s.ai I to our landlord aloi eand:
" Is this the place wh re Ihe phrenologist ' holds
out,' thttc.an tell a man's k.i ractcr by the bumps
onto his head J Yes," answered B mifice, wuh
a reserved and dignified manner. " W .1. I want
my potafoe trap looked into a little. here's
the man ?'' ' 1 am tne man," said the landlord.
Ol, ! you he, eh? Wul, put in, feel o my
., lumps, and um us a map. hat s the sw indie :
"-' , ' 7f f -s 'xo , t
euce sir a pner.u in.nci . ' f ' ,
I sji iiui lint a iuc in n--- -.
One dollar, with a chart." " Wal, go it : what
do I do? lie dojyn ol sit up ? Does it hurt t
"Not in the least ir : take eal in that chair."
Ther were f i-tr or five morning trmrgcr in tha
tavern, who checked a laugh, as tho countryman
took his seat, having first, as requested, removed
lis coat, vest, and neckcloth. The wag of a
landlord ran his h inds through tho " har" of the
" patient" for a moment, and said to the bar tend,
er : "Mr. Fltpkins, take a sheet of paper, draw
four lines down its whole length, and put down
my figures un ler the heads I "mention to you."
It was done. "Have you got il ?" " Yes, all
right." "Very well;" and tho landlord went
ou. with hi examination, which was rougher,
perhaps, than there was any necessity for. "Put
down Pniio-progeiiiiiveiiess, sixty." "Down sir."
'Very well: Reverence, two."" " Booked sir!"
" Combativer.cs.s, two hundred ! ' What's that?"
said the victim. "No matter sir : you'll see it
on the chart. Caution, one; Credulity four
hundred! "What's that last lumn ? asked the
patient. "Nevermind, now, you'il understand
it by and by. And now, (to "the bar-keeper,)
Mr. Fli'k:iis, you've put these in separate col.
umiis, ns usual f"
" Yes sir.
"Very well, add
11 1
r
" Add 'em u u ppH exclaimed tint
jihrcuologieal "subject
do?" "Of cour.ie!
is th.it the way you
how else could wo cet
your balance of mind of intellect?" "Wal, go
ahead !'' ' How- far does it Daooll, Mr. Flip.
kins? "The three columns are equal they
foot up precisely the same !" Tho landlord
looked -o'eniuly nnd sympathetically toward
his subj ct : " It is very strange," said he. " but
it is so. Phrenology never lies. Yon have no
predominance of character, sir: you have nu
intellect mil status; you don't know anything,
sir. Excuse me, sir ; but I must state the truth,
whether you bike a chart or not : but, sir if there
is any truth in phrenology, you arc ad m fool!"
Under the circumstances, sir, I can scarcely ex
pect you to desire to keep the chart you have
contracted for. That is a inaltcr of small conse
quence, us it w ill be a valuable illustration of an
unique species, w hich 1 can use in my lectures
h r a'ter. I aiithent cate all my let t ires, sir,
with real name and residence. Th.- charge of
deception, in science, is one which was never
brought again -X me, ir, and never will be, sir,
never ! "Oh! never mind, gn us the map,"
said the subject; "hi-ie's the swind e; but I'd
rather pay it than have you go'm' round the
country iiiakiu' a fool ot tne everywhere else, as
you have here you Masted philoprogenitive
humbug, you !" Willi this explosion, the sub-
ject retired.
The Must Extravagant Woman iu the World.
The Empress of France is probably the most
extravagant woman living. Nor is this all : she
has
been the cause of ruinous extravagance in
the families of her hu.sh nut's subjects, and in all
countries whore the costly fashions she has set
have found favor. M. Foiild, tho Emperor's
Minister of Finance, threatens to resign his office
unless her enormous drafts upon tho Ireasuary
are curtailed. So costly has nhc. made thetoi.
lette in Paris, that fashionable ladies are utterly
unable to settle their bills for dress, and it is
staled by the English press that it is as much as
many ot them can do to pay the interest on tha
large debts which following the imperial mode
has caused them to incur. The world owes crin
oline to the fair Eugenie ; and tho rougher half
of its civilized population docs not feel by any
manner of means grateful to her for the intro
diietion of the article. She has madu her apart
ments in the Tiiih-rics as magnificent as the pala
ces one reads about in Oriental fables. The
doors of her boudoir are ivory, inlaid with gold.
The furuituro is of rosewood, inlaid with mir
rors, gold, ivory, and pearl, and is upholstered
with pale red silk. Syrmain carpeting of the
heaviest t. xttire covers the floor, and the ceiling
is splendidly frescoed. The desks and portfo
lios are of tortoise shell, nrabasoued with gold.
and the most valuable paintings of the old mas
ters ornament the walls. Ihe beautiful woman
who has surrounded herself with these luxuries
spends an almost fabulous amount annually in
rare laces and all the most expensive articles of
female costume, besides subscribing unheard ot
suiiu in aid id certain vast political schemes, for
she is withal an intriguing politician.
the htiuprcss is thirty six years of ago, and
therefore old enough to have learned prudence:
yet she is more prodigal now than in the hey-day
ol tier youth ami beauty, 1 lie tjuccne of Loin
XVI, was as extravagant, and as fond of rued-
I dug in state alliiirs. as Eugenie, and her fool of
i husband sull' red her to lead him bv the nose.
One day, however, they lost their heads, poor
things. Would it not be well for Louis Napo.
Icon to take warning to heart ?
Patk"Tii Our young ladies know how to
turn a mishap to a good account. One of them
accident I y stumbled over I lie rope of a recruiting
tent, a few days since, and madu rather an exten
sive display of her inkles, and continuations, for
i he bencf l of the gallant recruits standing around.
lankly recovering herself, she exclaimed ; "Well,
1 have done so muc'i for my country !"
A rui.t.ow that has stolen as many horse as
John Morgan need hav e no fear that even hi
wort enemies w ill ever call him a one horse con.
ecru.
Pkoplk are prone to confound tho Admini
tration and (he Government. Uncle Sam and
Ulielo Abo are entirely distinct personage.
It is said that (Jen. Price i not in good
health. We sujipose lie is weak in the extreme.
Wit kno of a pretty young lady w hn has II
bashf.il lover named Joy . She is impatient to
have him "pofi the question," and thinks of avail
ing herself of the female privilege) o leap year.
In that case sho would "leap for Joy."
Minuses, candor and frankness, rc stanj.
-jj insult to stitMk.