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THE DAILY ASTORIAN • TuESDAY, MARcH 5, 2019
From generosity to resentment
Dear Annie: I like doing do you do them for people who
kind things for people. It makes don’t treat you well? If your
me feel good. I believe my kind self-worth is tied up in the idea
acts should be appreciated but that you’re a generous person,
not be expected. Is that wrong? you should disentangle it. You
Most of the time, what starts are worthy and enough; you do
off as a kind act ends
not need to go out of
DEAR
up with expectations of
your way to prove this
ANNIE
more. Sometimes these
through gestures. To be
expectations can be dif-
clear, I’m not saying
ficult to manage and
you shouldn’t be gen-
erous. But true gener-
are so far from what I
osity can exist only for
intended. In the end, the
its own sake, not for the
recipient is angry when I
ego’s. Frank A. Clark
pull back, or I feel used
if I don’t. It’s too much ANNIE LANE said, “Real generosity
Creators
is doing something nice
stress. How do you not
Syndicate Inc.
for someone who will
go from kindness to
never find out.”
resentment? What am I
Dear Annie: My wife and I
doing wrong? — Trying to Be
Kind
have been together for 17 years,
Dear Trying to Be Kind: and we have two wonderful
Anyone who acts entitled to daughters.
your generosity doesn’t deserve
Being busy with work and
it, and you shouldn’t feel guilty kids’ activities, we share our
for putting some space between weekly schedule and commit-
such a person and yourself. ments in an online calendar so
Boundaries are the founda- that we know what is going on
tion of a healthy social life. Lay during the week.
some down, and resolve not to
Last week, she entered in
pay any mind to another’s unfair the shared calendar a meeting
expectations of you.
with a “grieving support group”
I also think you could ben- that she will attend soon. To my
efit from examining your own knowledge, nothing bad hap-
role in this pattern. Why do you pened recently in our family,
do these kind things, and why and I really have no idea what
she is grieving about.
When I asked her whether
she could tell me the reason for
her grieving, her answer was a
sharp and angry “No!” without
any explanation.
I feel sad and bothered by all
this. It is not the mystery that
bothers me. (I don’t think there
is anything wrong with a little
privacy in a couple.) What both-
ers me is she feels that I couldn’t
be of any help with her grief and
that I am not entitled to even
know about it. If I were griev-
ing, she would be the first per-
son I would talk to for emotional
support. Am I being unreason-
able? — Lost in Grief
Dear Lost in Grief: You
can’t pry a bud open before it’s
time to bloom, and you can’t
force a loved one to open up
before she’s ready. I commend
you for being patient so far and
encourage you to keep that up
for a little longer. I don’t think
your wife’s entering this on the
calendar was an accident; I think
that deep down, she does want
you to know. But she will have
to tell you in her own time. In
the meantime, let her know that
you love her, that you are here
for her and that she can tell you
anything.
TOMORROW’S HOROSCOPE
By Holiday Mathis, Creators Syndicate Inc.
ARIES (March 21-April 19). Tension is the sweet
sounding string music of life. Without conflict,
there are no stories. Instead of running from those
who oppose you, you find a way to work together
toward a mutual aim.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20). The trouble with
overly high standards is that they can be a grind
to keep up. Should you forego fun out of a slavish
adherence to your own rules? Maybe so. Then
reinforce that it’s a conscious choice to avoid
resenting yourself.
GEMINI (May 21-June 21). In every life, even
the busiest and seemingly most fulfilled, there’s a
void. Without it, we wouldn’t continue to grow. So
answer that tug at your heart. But don’t confuse a
fuller life with a more complicated one.
CANCER (June 22-July 22). As much as you
enjoy being the one who gets to cross a thing off
your list, sometimes you’re actually the “thing”
someone else is crossing off theirs. There’s an odd
satisfaction in that too today, so don’t discount it.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). You’ve been known to feel
skeptical of mushy romanticisms and fairly so, as
they can be quite over-the-top. Love won’t come
on the wings of hyperbole, rather it will show
itself in subtle specifics.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). At some point you
have to stop worrying what the others think
and just do it your way. Maybe it’s a mistake —
offensive even. But you need to put it out there
to learn from it instead of holding it in and never
being corrected.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). Eventually the gentle
forces will overcome the vehement ones because
the intensity just isn’t sustainable. Volcanos expire.
Fire dies. Heat cools. The placid lake remains for
FRANK AND ERNEST
BLONDIE
THATABABY
SALLY FORTH
PHOEBE AND HER UNICORN
B.C.
LOLA
DILBERT
SIX CHIX
BIZARRO
MUTTS
NON SEQUITUR
BABY BLUES
WIZARD OF ID
ZITS
ROSE IS ROSE
hundreds of millions years.
SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). People may or may
not like what you’re pitching, so, whether or not
you’d like to admit it, your pride is at stake. Good.
Ultimately it will make you sharper and help you
align your aims with the needs of those around
you.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). You just might
be able to simplify everything at once. What you
do to simplify a relationship will in turn simplify
your schedule, priorities and domestic flow. It may
even eliminate your need of a possession or two.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). Wanting to win,
not wanting to back down, needing to come out
ahead or be right ... these are all natural human
instincts to be acknowledged, embraced even,
but also transcended.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). Grown-ups have
the same intense feelings as children; they just
(hopefully) manage them differently. You may
internally throw a tantrum today. Externally you’ll
find a different outlet. Just be sure to fully vent.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). However informally
you may engage in this afternoon’s negotiation,
it will be an interaction of consequence. Even
though it’s a seemingly minor commitment, you’ll
be held to it.
TOMORROW’S BIRTHDAY (March 6). The simple
act of accurately deciding what’s yours to solve
and what isn’t will lighten your load and make
your actions count! You’ll do what you love so
the accolades that come in June, though nice to
receive, are minor treats along a fruitful journey.
In August, the big goal is achieved finally, and you
can rest a few weeks. Libra and Cancer adore you.
Your lucky numbers are: 16, 7, 31, 20 and 46.