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About The daily Astorian. (Astoria, Or.) 1961-current | View Entire Issue (Oct. 3, 2018)
6A FEATURES Do I have to shave to play? Dear Annie: My niece, you said yes. Go to the wedding. “Becky,” is getting married next Eat and dance, and look out for month, and according to my clippers. younger brother “John,” I can’t Dear Annie: This is in attend the wedding because I have response to “Perception vs. a beard. Truth,” the woman who wrote Personally, I think I look like about her husband’s flying into a Hemingway. I am a food jealous rage because she DEAR writer and photojournal- danced with another man. ist. My barber always I am afraid that when ANNIE says, “Don’t shave! You you wrote “everyone look good with your makes mistakes,” the beard.” woman may have taken My family has about that to imply that she was 40 members, and if I the one who’d made a started shaving off my mistake. Please clarify beard for each one, I that. (As a victim of con- Lane trolling behavior, she is would never wear a beard Annie Creators Syndicate Inc. probably conditioned by again. I am also known the controller to see prob- for my beard and have a travel and food blog named after lems as being her fault.) What experienced domestic it. My niece invited me by for- violence professionals say about mal invitation, and I replied affir- rages like the one she described is matively. So, do I shave the beard this: These rages are always about and feast with my big Italian fam- control. Even when jealousy is ily? Or do I not shave and spend communicated in a more reason- the day home alone as in the past? able manner, it is about control. It’s an easy and effective way to — Graybeard Dear Graybeard: It sounds control someone without accept- as if you’re the gray sheep of the ing any responsibility at all for family. So be it. You don’t need being controlling. It puts all the to shear your wool for anyone. responsibility on the victim to Your niece invited you — all of behave in the way the controller you, including your beard — and defines as OK. She accepted that responsibil- ity when she vowed, “Of course, I will no longer dance with any- one else.” From the viewpoint of the abuser, that means “mission accomplished.” Control in place. To accept that responsibility (never dancing with anyone else) acknowledges that the problem here is her dancing with someone else, as opposed to being that her husband is using unfair methods to control her. It sets up a prece- dent. Rages work to control her behavior. I believe she should try to con- tinue dancing with others, assum- ing she’s in an environment where casual exchanging of partners is the norm. — Domestic Violence Advocate Dear Domestic Violence Advocate: The line about how everyone makes mistakes was unclear, and I appreciate your bringing that to my attention. That was meant to be about her husband, as the letter writer was not at all in the wrong. Thank you for your advocacy on behalf of victims and survivors of domes- tic violence. I’d like to take this opportunity to publish the number for The National Domestic Vio- lence Hotline: 800-799-7233. THE DAILY ASTORIAN • WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 3, 2018 TOMORROW’S HOROSCOPE By Holiday Mathis, Creators Syndicate Inc. ARIES (March 21-April 19). If we thought it happened a certain way and it happened an- other way instead, that will matter very little today. What matters is what works. Do what works even if it doesn’t make sense. TAURUS (April 20-May 20). Your giving na- ture is obvious, but what’s not so obvious is that the one who most needs it today is you. Be generous to yourself. If you’re not, the rest will be robbed of your generosity, too. GEMINI (May 21-June 21). The voice of higher morality gets fainter every time it goes unheeded. Strong people do what’s right even when they don’t feel like it and it becomes easier and easier for them to do so with every repetition of the right thing. CANCER (June 22-July 22). Self-image is so tricky, and much deeper than an opinion you have about your mirror reflection. Others see you in a more favorable light than you see yourself today. If only you could know your own beauty. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). Strangers rarely sing together. That’s why it’s so powerful when it happens — a reinforcement of our shared humanity. No other creature has on earth has a voice so complex. Enjoy yours today. It will be your signature. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). Avoid acciden- tally giving your power away, for instance by letting someone else handle what you really should be handling yourself. Or by asking for permission when you don’t need it. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). There once exist- ed a sense of neighborliness that has been since replaced with aggressive anonymity. Meeting strangers is important to your sense of community and overall trust in society. FRANK AND ERNEST BLONDIE THATABABY SALLY FORTH PHOEBE AND HER UNICORN B.C. LOLA DILBERT SIX CHIX BIZARRO MUTTS NON SEQUITUR BABY BLUES WIZARD OF ID ZITS ROSE IS ROSE Where can you go for this to happen? SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). There’s a psychological effect going on in your life and it’s creating a certain result. The question is not whether or not beliefs make a difference. They clearly do. The question is how can you make this work for you? SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). The ideas that won’t let go of you? Share them. They matter. They may seem random, personal, too whimsical to likely connect with many of the types of people you know ... share them anyway. They matter. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). When you pursue your own enjoyment, your friends will get some, too. This may come in the form of a game, or some intellectually stimulating entertainment. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). Your heart speaks a language that sometimes you can translate, and sometimes you can’t. All will not be revealed in time, but at least you can appreciate a good mystery. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). While attempt- ing to make a personal connection, don’t forget that one of the most attractive qualities a person can have is the ability to make other people feel attractive. TOMORROW’S BIRTHDAY (Oct. 4). One of your great pleasures this solar return will be in connecting the people you know with one another and watching what comes of it — often a blessing that returns full circle back to you. More highlights include a secret you’re honored to know before others, and a very lucrative way to apply your education. Scorpio and Sagittarius adore you. Your lucky numbers are: 4, 38, 22, 12, 2.
