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About The daily Astorian. (Astoria, Or.) 1961-current | View Entire Issue (March 2, 2018)
THE DAILY ASTORIAN • FRIDAY, MARCH 2, 2018 FEATURES Toxic mother-in-law Dear Annie: I’m at my wits’ should speak with me, not my end. Yesterday my mother-in- husband or his siblings. She pro- law, “Alice,” called my husband, ceeded to attack me for more than “Gavin,” to complain about how an hour — insulting my fam- I am not nice to her and how she ily, my parenting, my “secrecy,” is tired of being pushed around. my work and everything else under the sun. I admit- This is not the first or DEAR ted that I haven’t been second or 22nd time that very open with her about Alice has painted herself ANNIE how things are going as the victim. She has a as Vivian continues to lot of issues, though she grow and said I will try refuses to get counsel- ing, which is why her to fill her in more. Yet first marriage fell apart, she refused to admit that and most of the time, I she has been doing any- thing wrong, saying she just let her vent and try Lane must be right because to not let her get to me. Annie Creators Syndicate Inc. she’s a mother of three. I’ll play nice and then Also, she says I’m too continue my life with Gavin and our 2-year-old daugh- sensitive for not being OK with ter, “Vivian.” her disparaging my abilities as a Gavin’s been on my side mom to my entire family. through this entire thing, and he’s I don’t even know where to go told her many times to stop treat- from here. Annie, how do I resist ing me this way. But I found out getting into another argument that she’s been complaining about with my stone wall of a mother- me to all of Gavin’s siblings, too, in-law? — MIL Troubles trying to get them to agree with Dear MIL Troubles: You’re her on how my parenting style is right to want to resist arguing all wrong and how I’m crazy for with your mother-in-law again. thinking she’s judgmental. It would be as foolish as arguing Rather than let it go, again, I with an actual stone wall. From called her out. I let Alice know the sound of it, she had issues that if she has a problem, she long before she met you, and if you weren’t around, she’d prob- ably just be taking out her frus- trations on somebody else. So accept that she has certain limita- tions, and try not to take any of this personally. That said, Gavin needs to step up and do all he can to help manage the situa- tion and create healthy boundar- ies between your family and his mother. You might glean some insights from Susan Forward’s “Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strat- egies for Protecting Your Mar- riage.” At the very least, read- ing it would make you feel less alone. Dear Annie: Just a brief note about the chatty doctor described by “Enough Chatter.” Good doc- tors can learn a lot about their patients by engaging them in conversation. The patient’s tone, responsiveness, speech patterns, attitude, level of comprehension, etc., can often clue the physician in to issues that poking and prod- ding don’t. This is an art that is rapidly fading in our digitized world. Just sayin’. — Old-Time Doc Dear Old-Time Doc: Great point, and one I hadn’t consid- ered. Thanks for writing, doc. 3C TOMORROW’S HOROSCOPE By Holiday Mathis, Creators Syndicate Inc. ARIES (March 21-April 19). Your leisure is another person’s work, and your work is another person’s leisure. From this frame, it’s really not what you do, but the quality of relaxation you bring to it that puts it in the category of enjoyment. TAURUS (April 20-May 20). The biggest winners have failed the most times. The great people have failed greatly. Failure is the best teacher, though a reviled one. Is that really fair? Befriend it instead. GEMINI (May 21-June 21). It’s said that fate doesn’t like to be tempted, although you’re not one to live your life by the preferences of others, not even fate. You’re curious about what will happen if you hang a temptation in the air, and you’ll find out. CANCER (June 22-July 22). The confident move is to let people take as much space as they need without interjecting your own feelings on the matter. However, it should be noted that sometimes the most confident move doesn’t accomplish your aims. the older kids as you played and managed the challenges of life together. SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). A chain is only as strong as its weakest link. A conversation is only as strong as its most sensitive topic. And a relationship is only as strong as its most vulnerable aspects. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). Because learning comes with its own payoff (complete with a wonderful change in brain chemistry at that “I’ve got it!” moment), it can be very seductive to stay in the education bubble. Take courage. Step out and apply it. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). You’ll be around physical beauty and intellectual beau- ty, both equally attractive at first. However, over time, intellectual beauty may grow as quickly as physical beauty fades. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). You’d rather solve your own problem than appear needy. But people want to help. That’s a need, too, and one that would be easy for you to serve. Just ask for the help they need to give. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). Your instinct will be to make quick decisions. Often they will be fast, sometimes not — and that’s fine, too. Wrong choices lead to right choices for those committed to learning from them. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). Plato suggest- ed to his young student, “Time will change and even reverse many of your present opin- ions” — a fine reason to steer clear of the big topics. The same will apply to you today. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). Count on it: This is not going to unfold in the way you expect, but it will unfold in the way it’s supposed to. Interruptions will be lucky and lovely. Extras and additions will be better than the main event. TOMORROW’S BIRTHDAY (March 3). This year you’ll have the sort of people in your life who will grow and change right along with you, celebrating all of your incarnations — what an astounding treasure! Also it will get easier and easier to see and take the steps leading to your own happiness — simple, yes, but people are generally not so good at this. Libra and Sagittarius adore you. Your lucky numbers are: 4, 27, 6, 10 and 22. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). There are many ways to expand your creative potential, but the one that will most appeal is the same one you employed so often as a child: copying FRANK AND ERNEST BLONDIE THATABABY SALLY FORTH PHOEBE AND HER UNICORN B.C. LOLA DILBERT SIX CHIX BIZARRO MUTTS NON SEQUITUR BABY BLUES WIZARD OF ID ZITS ROSE IS ROSE