THE DAILY ASTORIAN • FRIDAY, AUGUST 4, 2017
FEATURES
Toxic life, tragic death
Dear Annie: My alcoholic for while fighting with police.
sister, “Laura,” failed misera- Since his passing, my mother has
bly in raising her son, “Sean,” shunned family members who
who spent his life inflicting mis- failed to express their sorrow and
ery and mayhem on our family sympathy at his death. She has
and on society as a whole. He turned away my niece and her
got into trouble in school,
new family because they
DEAR
earned a long criminal
failed to send her a sym-
pathy card at his passing.
record and abused drugs
ANNIE
We lived in fear for
and alcohol. He was not
almost 30 years wait-
pleasant to be around
ing for this thug to show
and often started fights
up at our doors looking
at family gatherings.
for money or drugs, and
When he began threat-
I can say I am relieved
ening to harm all family
he is gone. How can
members, most of us (his
Lane
my mother continue to
aunts, uncles and cous- Annie
Creators
Syndicate Inc.
choose this lowlife over
ins) had no desire to see
the good, loving, produc-
him.
But in spite of his antisocial tive survivors? — Don’t Want to
behavior, my 79-year-old mother Lose Her
Dear Don’t Want to Lose
never turned her back on him,
most likely due to her own child- Her: Sean lived a toxic life. That
hood experiences. My mother doesn’t make his death less of a
put Sean on a pedestal and sup- tragedy. It’s sad that he spent his
ported him financially when he time on this earth alienating his
was out of work. I cautioned her loved ones. It’s sad that he never
repeatedly that he would turn on shook off the shackles of addic-
her, as his need for drugs would tion. So I would start there —
overpower any semblance of empathizing with your mother’s
grief and acknowledging her pain
humanity.
Sean recently took his own as legitimate, rather than trying to
life by intentionally ingesting minimize what she’s feeling.
Then I would encourage her to
contraband he was being arrested
attend an Al-Anon or Nar-Anon
meeting, so she can address the
deep-seated issues that drive her
toward enabling and co-depen-
dent behavior.
Dear Annie: I totally disagree
with your response to “Heart-
broken and Hurt Grandmother”
that the fee she was going to pay
might have cost her a babysit-
ter. I have children age 12 and
10. Call me old-fashioned, but I
encourage them to babysit and
mow neighbors’ yards for free, at
least the first time, to teach them
how to be neighborly and good
friends. They do not do work for
free all the time, but there is more
to learn from life than trying to
make a buck. — J.B.
Dear J.B.: “Heartbroken and
Hurt Grandmother” didn’t fol-
low up with the potential babysit-
ter after telling her she’d research
the going rates for babysitters
these days. I felt that “Heartbro-
ken” dropped the ball by not call-
ing the sitter back. I would never
discourage young people from
helping out family friends and
neighbors — and good on you for
instilling generosity in your chil-
dren — but that wasn’t the issue
at hand.
3C
TOMORROW’S HOROSCOPE
By Holiday Mathis, Creators Syndicate Inc.
ARIES (March 21-April 19). To honestly and
respectfully speak your mind on a regular
basis to your close loved ones (without being
overly worried about how nice it sounds) is a
healthy part of adult relationships.
moment is right.
SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). The benefits of
an exciting hobby cannot be underestimated
in the weeks to come. To cultivate such an
interest will turn up your joy and vitality, not to
mention enhance your image.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20). If you’re being
honest, you may admit that you’ve burdened
yourself with too many responsibilities: bad for
you, bad for your relationships. It will be hard
to reassign some of this, but do it before you
start feeling resentful.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). Someone
has to lay down the law, and it will probably be
you. You won’t mind playing bad cop to anoth-
er person’s good cop as the means to an end.
You do this in the name of keeping the peace.
GEMINI (May 21-June 21). When you’re in
deep, waves of emotion are a ride. You get
swept into the swell, rise and rush forward with
the force. When you’re not in deep, you’re like
a person knee-deep in the ocean. The wave
could rudely knock you down.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). When some-
one keeps reaching out to you even though
you’re not reaching back, there’s a motive to
examine. Is it love? Profit? Are you somehow
a key to their personal narrative? It’s worth
analyzing now.
CANCER (June 22-July 22). You are not your
feelings. Having this or that kind of feeling
doesn’t make you this or that kind of person.
While you experience a feeling, there’s a core
part of you that is a witness to your experience
of it.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). You are gen-
erous, but don’t be too quick to share all you
know. Those who haven’t paid their dues yet
won’t know what to do with all the information.
Only those who have worked hard to get to a
certain level will understand.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). If you think you know
what it was and what it is, you might be right.
But you won’t know for sure until you step
back, open your imagination and ask, “What
could it be?”
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). While it’s best
to avoid conflict today, don’t mistake that for
avoiding life. It would be wrong to assume that
your honest feelings, thoughts and drives will
automatically cause a problem.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). This weekend
features either a big project or a massive
one. Regardless of the scale, everything that
comes together will be the result of a series of
small action steps.
TOMORROW’S BIRTHDAY (Aug. 5). The
cosmic fairy dust can’t wait to blow a gift your
way, so kick this one off with a wish list. It’s a
brand-new beginning. Stay away from doing
the same thing the same way as last year. A
big change comes within seven weeks. You’ll
educate yourself and bump up the finan-
cials by November. March brings a contract.
Capricorn and Scorpio adore you. Your lucky
numbers are: 14, 3, 20, 37 and 41.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). Today is like a rope
game. Hold on when it’s tugging and
you might get burned. You can’t always
decide beforehand when you’ll let go. Trust
yourself. You’ll probably feel it when the
FRANK AND ERNEST
BLONDIE
THATABABY
SALLY FORTH
PHOEBE AND HER UNICORN
B.C.
LOLA
DILBERT
SIX CHIX
BIZARRO
MUTTS
NON SEQUITUR
BABY BLUES
WIZARD OF ID
ZITS
ROSE IS ROSE