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About The daily Astorian. (Astoria, Or.) 1961-current | View Entire Issue (April 20, 2017)
Young adult looking for love
Dear Annie: I am a college-age woman often. Perhaps you could
male and in desperate need of your ask whether she’d like to get coffee
advice. There is in my class a won- sometime. If she says yes, take the
derful young woman, someone opportunity to build a connection
with whom I have talked often, but by asking about her background —
never deeply. I want to get to know where she is from, whether she has
her better but simply do not know any siblings, what she’s hoping to
do after college, etc. Tell
how; in fact, I do not even
her about yourself in equal
know whether she is as
interested in me as I am in
And if she turns down
her. This is made worse by
your invitation, don’t
my autism, which prevents
despair. I promise, everyone
me from detecting emo-
has felt the sting of rejection
tions and social cues.
at some point or another.
What should I do? I
Simply take it as practice
seek someone whose hand
for asking out the next girl
I can hold and whose eyes
who sparks your interest.
light up when they look on Annie
Dear Annie: After
me. That is all I want and
reading today’s letter from
all I need. — Forsaken
Dear Forsaken: There are “Frustrated,” whose cousin is con-
a great number of books that go stantly getting angry over minor
into more depth about the unwrit- things, I was compelled to write.
ten rules of dating than I ever The cousin’s behavior could be
could here, and some are geared symptoms of a mental illness, spe-
toward people with autism — cifically borderline personality dis-
Kerry Magro’s “Autism and Fall- order or paranoid personality dis-
ing in Love” and Joe Navarro’s order. The National Institute of
“Ten ‘Must Know’ Body Language Mental Health defines BPD as “a
Secrets for Dating,” to name just serious mental disorder marked
by a pattern of ongoing instabil-
But I will say that the best ity in moods, behavior, self-image
romantic relationships start as and functioning. These experiences
friendships, so you’re off to a good often result in impulsive actions and
start simply by talking to this young unstable relationships.”
There were several red flags
“Frustrated” used to describe her
cousin that made me think she
may have BPD: She’s always con-
frontational; she always quits jobs
because of confrontations and
blames the employers; and she has
been like this for years, with the
behavior getting worse.
Your advice to stage an interven-
tion and express concern was good.
“Frustrated” should also encour-
age her to seek help from a mental
I learned about BPD two years
ago after my son fathered a child
with a woman diagnosed with
BPD. It has been a difficult jour-
ney, but recognizing that she has
a mental disorder has helped us
cope with the situation. Most peo-
ple in the general public, includ-
ing family court judges, have never
heard of BPD. The National Insti-
tute of Mental Health is an excellent
resource for information about per-
sonality disorders and other men-
tal health issues. — Advocating for
Dear Advocating: Thank you
for raising awareness about this
commonly misunderstood disorder.
Interested readers can find more
information at http://www.nimh.
THE DAILY ASTORIAN • THURSDAY, APRIL 20, 2017
By Holiday Mathis, Creators Syndicate Inc.
ARIES (March 21-April 19). Recent stress-
es have you craving a little more reassur-
ance that all is well. You may have to ask for
it, as people will be so into their own parts
of the story that they may not realize what
others need and want.
group, you find success.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20). In your mind, if
relationships are a lot of work, it’s a sign that
the fit isn’t good. Regardless, we can’t always
choose with whom we’ll be interacting.
Attaining new and better social skills will help
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). The first
step to restoring the peace in your world will
have to do with temperance. Go easy; do
the things that contribute to your health. If
there’s a problem to clear up, you’ll have the
strength for it today.
GEMINI (May 21-June 21). Meetings are
on the agenda. They may not feel all that
productive, but the point is to show up, see
and be seen. This is about understanding
the roles involved and the people who are
going to play them.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). You’ve
had the kind of life turning points that were
unexpected and out of your control, but
mostly change happens because you make
it happen. And here you go again!
CANCER (June 22-July 22). There’s a new
project or person on your mind — how ex-
citing and irresistible! You are convinced that
you are better off pursuing this than doing
what you used to do for fun.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). A little complaining
between friends or colleagues can be a
bonding experience, venting the bad energy
and uniting the team. But constant complain-
ing just compounds negativity. Steer clear
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). Love is not
something you can talk yourself into or
create with an intellectual exercise. You may
feel that you should love, but don’t force the
issue. It just doesn’t work that way.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). The day is
marked by an increased sense of purpose.
Perhaps this is because many will be affect-
ed by your work. As you act on behalf of the
FRANK AND ERNEST
PHOEBE AND HER UNICORN
WIZARD OF ID
ROSE IS ROSE
SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). Your vessel
will be affected by the wind and currents,
but you’re still ultimately the pilot of this ship.
Grip the wheel and do your best with today’s
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). It’s as though
today pulls back the stage curtain just
enough to give you a peek at what’s to come
in a brand-new phase of your life. You’ll like
what you see.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). You’re not
always your best counselor. In fact, you
wouldn’t even make the top-10 list today.
Listen to many opinions. Right now, you’re
too close to (yet also, oddly, somewhat naive
about) the subject.
TOMORROW’S BIRTHDAY (April 21).
Wanting well is an art. You want the highest
and best for all involved, not just yourself.
The year is marked by an attitude of flexibility
that will allow you to make the most of cir-
cumstances and use the energy available in-
stead of fighting against it. New work comes
in July. Romantic love plays out like a dream.
Scorpio and Sagittarius adore you. Your
lucky numbers are: 4, 50, 12, 14 and 32.