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About The daily Astorian. (Astoria, Or.) 1961-current | View Entire Issue (July 17, 2015)
THE DAILY ASTORIAN • FRIDAY, JULY 17, 2015
How to let go of an old hurt? Tomorrow’s horoscope
By Holiday Mathis, Creators Syndicate Inc.
Dear Annie: My wife and I
have been married for 40 years.
When we were first dating, my
future wife unexpectedly set
me aside to explore the possi-
bilities of seeing another man.
It was a difficult time for me.
The other man was a mutual ac-
quaintance, for whom I didn’t
much care, which intensified my
hurt. Within two months, they
stopped seeing one another, and
in due time, we started dating
again, fell in love and married.
Sounds good — and it has been.
But I have one mental demon
with which I struggle.
About three decades ago,
when casually chatting about
our previous romantic interests,
my wife revealed that when see-
ing the aforementioned man,
they had sex. Since being made
aware of it, I can’t let it go. All
of those painful memories were
revived by her disclosure.
My wife has been a wonder-
ful friend, partner and parent
and does not deserve my peri-
odic fixation on something that
was a tiny moment in time. Why
can’t I, as she requests, just for-
get about it? How can I recon-
cile myself to it and downsize
its larger-than-life status in my
consciousness? — Living in the
Dear Living: It is not unusual
to remember something disturb-
ing and periodically think about
it. But if you are doing this more
than a few times a year and be-
coming fixated on it to the point
where it is affecting other areas
of your life, you might need
professional help to put it aside.
You’ve been holding in your re-
sentment, jealousy and fears for
40 years and they are still eating
at you. Please talk to a counsel-
or so you can air your feelings
to someone other than your wife
and get help managing them.
Your doctor can refer you.
Dear Annie: I read the let-
ter from “Had Enough,” the
68-year-old woman who was
tired of her husband’s demand
for sex. At about that same age,
my wife told me that she real-
ly didn’t want to have sex. In
a loving way, she said that she
physically couldn’t put up with
I was hurt at the time and
somewhat angry. But when I
thought about it, I was also
somewhat relieved, because in
the few months prior, I felt my
heart racing and was exhausted
when making love.
I obeyed my wife’s wish-
es and we stopped having sex.
Then, several months later, I
almost suffered a heart attack. I
needed extensive heart surgery
and it took me months to recov-
er. To this day, I am grateful that
my wife was the first to call it
off. I might have been dead oth-
erwise. — Ever So Thankful
Dear Thankful: While it
is true that exertion can strain
the heart, chances are that your
heart troubles would have hap-
pened whether or not you gave
up sex. And a lot of men would
not be willing to accept that
solution, regardless of health.
But if abstinence works for you
and your wife, that’s fine with
us. You have found a way to
make the lack of sex work in
FRANK AND ERNEST
WIZARD OF ID
ROSE IS ROSE
ARIES (March 21-April 19). You’ll share
your work, and that will help others. They’ll
share with you, and that will help you. You
won’t worry about anyone stealing what’s
yours, and the seemingly unlikely result will
be that no one will.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20). There are
distinct benefits to being plainspoken, if not
unspoken. You’re so expressive that you can
say everything with a look if you want to, and
indeed that may be best.
GEMINI (May 21-June 21). It will help to
think of the passionate people around you
as wild things. Read the signs and keep
your distance until territorial behaviors
cease. Wait until you sense the safety of
CANCER (June 22-July 22). You refuse
to be troubled. It’s like you’ve poured a mag-
ical salve over your mind that catches all the
little joys, allowing them to accumulate while
the little disappointments slip into the cracks.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). You needn’t al-
ways work so hard to make something
good happen. Sometimes luck comes with-
out effort — or, more likely, you put in the
effort so long ago that you don’t remember
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). Efficiency
is about dealing with people — not just
schedules. Once you get people on your
side, they’ll place a higher priority on your
needs and your timeframe.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). When the peo-
ple around you need a wakeup call, you’ll be
the alarm clock. They may try to hit “snooze”
— and don’t stress if they do. The important
thing is that they were made aware.
SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). Most
shopping malls and casinos are purpose-
ly designed for visitors to get lost in them,
thus spending more time and money than
originally intended. Today seems similarly
patterned to delight, distract and tempt you.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). Some
remedies are more harmful than the dis-
ease. If the problem is not too dire, you’ll
probably cure it by building on what’s going
right, instead of trying to fix what’s wrong.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). Your
deep values and long-term goals may clash
with your short-run desires and plans. Tak-
ing quiet moments of reflection before you
act will prevent hasty, foolish decisions.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). Just be-
cause you love someone doesn’t mean
you think his or her habits and behaviors
are always awesome. Your dilemma centers
on knowing when to be quietly tolerant and
when to speak up.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). Your con-
nection with creative people invites strange,
interesting, glamorous and unusual scenar-
ios. You’re more of an artist than you think
you are. Your style will be influenced by all
SATURDAY’S BIRTHDAY (July 18). It
all starts with a stroke of uncanny luck cen-
tered on a problem you’ve been trying to
solve for years. In September, put your effort
into sales. Follow tradition, and you’ll make
big bucks. October brings a crossroads and
an important choice. Let a mentor help you.
You’ll be awarded in November and spoiled
in January. Virgo and Leo people adore you.
Your lucky numbers are: 6, 15, 24, 38 and