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About Oregon City courier. (Oregon City, Or.) 1896-1898 | View Entire Issue (July 9, 1897)
SOLILOQUY OF A BACHELOR. To wed or not to wed? that li tlie question v nether tls nobler In imin to suffer The sling and arrows of that blind young archer. Or fly to arms aguiust a hoot of troubles And at the ait u r end them, To woo, to wed No more; and by thin iitep to any we end Tlie heartache and the thousand hope and fenrx The si.igle suffer 'tis a roiiBiimniaHon Devoutly to be wished. To woo, to wed To wed perchance repent ay, there's the rub; For in that wedded state, what woei may come When we have launched upon that untried iwa Must give tin pause. There'a the respect Tli at makes celibacy of ro long life, For who would lear the gulp and jeera of his friends, The Jiusbaud'a pity or the coquette's oorn. The vacant hearth, the solitary cell, The unshared sorrow or the void within, When he himself might bis redemption Vain With a fair damsel? Who would beauty gain To toil and plod over a barren heath, but that t'he dread of something yet be yond The undiscovered country from whose bourne No bachelor returns puzzle the will And makes us rather bear the ilia we have Than My to others that we know not of! Thus forethought doth make cowards o us all. And till iia the native hue of resolution I sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought, And numberless flirtations, long pursued With thia regard, their currents turn away And lose the name of marriage, , -New York World. ' j, WILLIAM TELL UP TO DATE. Courcy Devereaux & Co. Is tlie name engraved on the plate of our ofhVe door In Brown's court, No. 113, third floor. I never go there myself unless there Is something special on, but my part uer, Courcy Devereaux, as he culls himself, attends dally, If only for an hour or so, for the looks of the thing, and to read his paper. As for myself, I am the "company;" Bloggs Is my name, plain John Bloggs, and when this office business was first proposed, I felt hurt because Courcy wouldn't put my name In full also. But I bad to give way, as I did to ev. erything he proposed, for he is Al, and a credit to bis profession. To what profession, did you ask? Well, I will try ami explain It all to you, but you must tlrst understand that my partner has an extraordinary head piece for business. It Is astonishing the way he can think out everything. "Bloggs, old boy," says he, one even ing, about n month ago, "you remem ber that house I pointed out to you at the corner of Dovecot terrace?" "I do. Wbut of It?" I answered. "I am told tlint there is living there a rich American. He Is married, only one servant quiet sore of people evi dently, and as I know you don't like dogs In your business capacity, I find they do not keep one, big or little. To morrow morning, therefore, you must proceed to Dovecot terrace; go to the lde door hi the wall, and try to sell the servant one of the firm's brooches" and my partner smiled. Next morning 1 set out, for part of my work as partner was to carry a black box occasionally, containing brooches, which I sold to servant girls, as a rule. "Sold," 1 said, but, seeing as how we gave about ihree-iiud-slxpence each for those brooches, we ought to have got a trifle more thuu the price my partner told nv always to charge, but lie wus always so good-hearted, he was. "Charge sixpence each for 'cm," says he. "We shall never lose, anything by being generous." It was Just like him he was too gen erousbut I never had the heart my self to sell more than two at that price to one servant. My plan of business was that, when the girl opened the door, my Ihix wus open too, and a tempting show of brooches met her gaze, and my three words, "(July sixpence each." never failed to effect a sale. This one was no exception to the rule, and In less than two minutes I was ex hibiting my stock In trade on the kitch en table. 1 -an tell you that girl was no fool, for she picked out three of the nicest brooches I'd got, two of 'em for her sisters, of course. It wus fortunate for me that she hadn't got six more sis ters, anyway. Then arose a little difficulty her irouey was upstairs, and she seemed n bit afraid of leaving me by myself while she went for it, which was only list lira I. "Don't be afraid of me, miss; here's my license, properly signed. Tbomns Jones is my mime, us you can see for yourself In black and white." .She was satisfied, and went away up the back stairs at once. You see, when this brooch-selling tmitMss was started my iwrtner could not lie.tr the Idea of having my proper name put lu the license bless you, he Is so proud, nnd he would not for the world llki' his city friends to know that bis partner hawked brooches to ser vant girls. Hut If be Is proud. I am awfully cu rious, and I could not control myself; n 1 stepped quietly across the kitchen and peced through the door at the Iwek which led into the scullery, then tiptoed to the dsr which led to the front of the house, and. turning the handle quietly, peeped through Into tin ball. i-e little place this, altogether; should like one like this some day my vlf." I thought. For these little Klliuote of different bouse taught trie a lot of useful things, you know, aa I iui observant of matters that some peo pis would uot give me credit for. Just at this moment the girl came back with the money, and, as my cu riosity had evaporated, she found me putting my box lu order, "There you are," she said, "one-and-slxpence. I haven't kept you long, and If you are coming round this way In about a fortnight's time you might call again. I shall have my wages then, as the muster and missus are going buck to America, and I should like one or two more to take home with me." As I before remarked, my partner Is Al In his profession, and you would have thought bo, too, If you had seen him handle some of Ills Inventions so beautifully. But he never patented any of them, ns he often suld that such a course made everybody 'aa. wise as yourself. Moreover, he disliked noto riety, and so did I, too, I cun assure you. Tlie 8ii nie evening we talked matters over awhile more, and then, after sup per and a cigar, we both dpiined our mackintoshes, Into certain Inside pock ets of which we Inserted a few of the before mentioned inventions.' When we started out It was begin ning to rain slightly, but we did not mind that, and. strange to say. Just about 12 o'clock we found ourselves at the side door of 1 Dovecot terrace. "Why, all Is darkness, Bloggs. i suppose they have gone to bed. Well, we won't disturb them, eh, old man?" He was very thoughtful, you see, for other people, was my partner, so be left me while I unfastened the door In the wall, and strolled along the road a little way, after which he Joined me Inside the little yard, when we closed the door once again, fastening It Inside "Good business so far, Bloggs, Now give me No. 2, and we will soon be there, my boy." No. 2 was one of those wonderful In ventions I have sMken about, and such an Insinuating work of art was It that In a very few minutes we both stood by the table on which I had placed my box the morning previous. Locating the door which ted Into the liall, we found It unfastened and like a pair of siiecters we passed through, and so on to the door, which led into the front parlor. This door was fas tened. ."Sorry to spoil our friend's door, Bloggs, but we shall be obliged to use No. 2 once more." So No. 2 waa again manipulated by my partner with such dexterity and silence that the slight Instrument soon began to show Its effect on the wood work, Inasmuch as a small shower of sawdust was apparent, to our Joint sat isfaction. My partner whispered again: "Now for No. 3, Bloggs. Then turn the light on a little more, and we won't be long before we Invite ourselves Inside, and, after our business is transacted, old boy, why hey, presto! begone!" Necessarily I stood quite close to my partner as I lighted his operations. Were you ever In a railway collision or pitched out of a bulloon crush upon mother earth? Perhaps not, but, anyhow, as my senses began to return to me I fancied I had experienced both, and then I gradually opened my eyes, at the same time trying to raise my hand to an enormous lump which I felt sure I was suddenly possessed of. Both my hands and arms were tight ly secured to the chnlr I was seated In, and, turning my heud, there was my partner lu the same predicament. "Keel better now, old fellow,," says be, "after your tumble?" Hu! now I remembered. The sudden glare of electric light over our heads and at the same Instant a sudden swishing something lauded round our shoulders, and, with a tremendous Jerk, down we both went crash on the tiled floor then oblivion. After that the dismal awakening, tied up, and with the knowledge that some good Samaritan, to bring me to my senses, bad lusluuuted about u quart of water around my neck. "Uood morulug, gentlemen," said a voice at my elliow. "Sorry to interrupt you so suddenly at your work, but the fact Is the 250 pounds which I sup pose you were expecting to find In the escritoire was put by me Into the bank only to-day." And the speaker, who had hitherto been standing behind us, came In front and regarded us with a quiet twinkle lu his eye. "Come here, lassie, and let me Intro duce you to our visitors," he said, as he flicked off the ash from a slgar he was smoking. The "lassie," who was evidently his wife, came to the front door also and stood by the man's side. He was altogether a splendid speci men of humanity; she, however, was rather a small built woman, but had evidently plenty of nerve, and by the manner In which she handled a small sliver-mounted rille I was convinced that she was able to iise It. "(Jentleiiieu, this Is my wife, the champion lady shot, and for myself, well, I am supposed to throw a hisso as well as most where I came from." Now I understood the swishing noise and our sudden overthrow. The lndy had been an amused spec tator until now, but suddenly a thought seedem to strike her. "Blram, Just wait a minute, please." So Hiram bent his bead while she wlilsiered. Then he laughed and they left us. "We are trapped, old fellow, this time, ami no mistake; they have gone for the police," said my partner, turn ing his head toward me. "Where will It all end?" "Dartmoor," said I. "If " "Silence, please," said the lady (for she bad now returned tapping the butt of uer rifle); "and, moreover, do not stir." The reason of her request waa evi dent Mr. Hiram an amateur pho tographer evidently now rame and planted a camera in front of us aa we sat bound and helpless. Now, aa her majesty's photographers In different parts of the country have the honor of possessing my likeness more or less distorted, I lidiult I pro tested and proceeded to disarrange my features with tiio Idea of battling their Intentions. She looked nt me and, nulling quiet ly, said: , "Wult a minute, Blram, I'll fix bill) for you." When siie came back she had a dif ferent gun In the one band, nnd n com mon wine cork lu the other, which she placed carefully on the bald spot on my head. "Now, my man," says she, "did you ever hear of William Tell?" "Never knew him, that I am nware of, ma'am." "Well." says she. "William Tell was the man who, with a bow aud arrow, shot an apple from the top of bis sou's head, placed Just like that" and she pointed to tlie cork on my head. "Now we folks out West." she continued, "can beat those old-fashioned games hollow, but we use guns, and by pref erence, as I don't wish to disturb the neighbors, I will use an alrgun. Dense get me the small mirror from the kitch en, HI rum." I suddenly grasped the position, but couldn't speak a word to save my life, nor dared I stir. My features straight ened Instantly, and, shutting my eyes, I triad to count how many Jails 1 bad seen the Inside of, and what the dif ferent chaplains had talked to me about, but I eukln't remember. Blram came with the glass, and oh, It was horrible! she stood with her back to me, while Hiram held the giaaa for her. "Ping!" ' What a frightful sensation I! w.is as the cork flew off. "Fix that camera again, Blram," said she, turning round. "I think after that he won't trouble you. again; if not, 1 must try again at something smaller." I tried to look as pleasant as possible under the circumstances. And so the pictures were completed to their satisfaction, but not to ours. you may be sure. Mr. Blram then undid the cords about us, to our great relief, as we were cramped horribly. 'Sit still a minute, you pair, and be advised by me," he said, eying us both sternly. "Do not stir or move a baud without my permission; other wise you must take the consequences." We understood and nodded, for Mrs. Birr. in was Angering a snull revolver In a manner that I did uot much care for, while niy partner listened gloom ny. You may think your lucky stars t tint I shall not give you lu charge, for the reason " "Hear, hear, guv-nor!" I said. "Because, he added, "we wish to get back to the States soon, and' your trial would Celay us somewhat;, iiiu warn you to steer clear of London for a time, for If my wife sees either of you hanging around she would cer tainly go lu for some more giju prac tice; so remember. I I beard Mrs. HI ram say something laughingly to her husband and. then: I believe," he said, eying me,l"that you sell brooches very cheap?" 1 "Yes, sir, I replied, meekly, "too cheap. I am thinking of going out of that trade after all this." You may," he answered, grimly smiling, "after another transaction with my wife, nnd respecting which I desire you to forward to her that she may receive them not later than this evening twenty-four similar brooches. If not, why, you must take tlie conse quences; and then, of course, we shall be compelled to stop and see the fun." "Bloggs," says my partner, as he wus packing up the brooches to lie posted s soon ns the otllce opeued "Bloggs, ve got an old aunt in North Wales who hasn't seen me for a long time. Will you come?" I thought of tlie woman who. with out winking, knocked corks off the bends of honest men; and theu "Would I come?" . I fled. Answers. Nature's Cycle-Path. Most of us, at one time or another, have basked for a while upon some saudy beach, of ocean or lake; we have bathed In the surf, gathered shells up on the snore, ana thus wniled away many Idle hours. But it was reserved for the bicycle to make us really ac quainted with those stretches of beach and shore which seem to have been purposely prewired by kind Mother Na ture lis a glorious cycle-path. Whether or not she originally Intended It for wheels, she certainly spends a great deal of her time In keeping the path In repair; and those active servants of hers. Wind and Wave, Rain and Sun, ure kept very busy at work uikmi It all tlie time. This long and varid path stretches In Its eutlroty hundreds of miles along our ocean shores and aroimd the bor ders of our great lakes; but the partic ular bit with which we became famil iar during happy summer weeks, and to share lu whose delights I would j tompt others. Is a comparatively small portion on the southern shore of Lake j Erie. It begins with the extreme end j of Cedar PulM. which with Its long arm hold lu a portion of Sandusky Bay, and extends eastward fifteen miles or more up the shore. This sandy shore continues all the way to Cleve land ami beyond; but because of some Intervening piles of rock one cannot ride the wiiole fifty or sixty tulle. The shorter distance Is, however, enough for a summer day's ride, especially If one takes It comfortably and leisurely, ami appropriates to himself tl.e count lees Joys spread before him. St. Nich olas. When a girl disappears for two or three days. It Is a sign that she bas been washing her hair. Projbly every man has made an honest effort to talk less, and fulled. A SHORTHAND TYPE WRITER. Machine Which Writes Kntlre Words st Una htroke of the Flatters, Business ineu aud stenographers will hall with delight the Invention of a t,vx writ lug machine which can be so manipulated as to print words entire with one stroke of tlie fingers In stead of tlie old method of siiell I n g each . word out. The macblnu Islntendedtu take the place of ordinary short hand writing, and at the same tlmo to make a record which can be read by anyone. In tlie ordinary veo C u A e o' M N M n t v 0 s 0 0 I M a' M I 6b A 0 e voo typewriting ma chines speed ' Is SAMPLE 0PWOHK. limited by the fact that but one key can be operated at a tune and only one character printed. The Inventor saw that if several fin gers could be used at the time time, aa on the piano, to select the letters for a word, and the word printed at a sin glestroke, sufficient speed could be got ten to take speeches from dictation direct on machines Instead of using shorthand. He then constructed a ma chine after this Idea. It Is a very small affair, weighing only two aud one-half pounds, occupyLng a space only six Inches square, and can be placed In a case two Inches deep. In this Invention the operator can bring Into play any or all of twenty keys without changing the position of the hands for any combinations. There are slxtcenkeys which He next to one another, within the four outer keys. On these are printed all the let ters and characters that are to be print ed, ir any of these keys are struck without touching another of the outer ones. It will print THE SHORTHAND TTPKWHITBR. the letter or character which la mark ed on the end nearest ' the operator. When It Is desired to print any of the letters on the second line, it can be done by pressing at the same time one of the outer keys, which are marked "con's line 2" or "vow's line 2." This brings forward either the consonants or vowels. The same Is true of line three. The figures are printed by using the fingers of the right hand, while press ing a lever at the left of the head of the machine. The sixteen keys are so arranged that tb-iy. can be operated In pairs, so that one finger can press down either one or both keys of each pair. The machine cannot do accurate spell ing, nor will the writing do for corre spondence, but phonetic spelling can be done and It Is possible at each stroke to print the greater part of a word if not the whole of It. The inventor has made several of these machines and placet them for use in business offices. Those operating theoi are able to write 100 words a minute. Tlie principal alvantage this machine has Is its speed, aud If uot accurate the words are more easily read than If writ ton lu shorthand. It can be used to advantage In taking speeches for the press and other matter that is turned Into an office Just before tlie paper goes to press. In tills case a good compos itor could get up the matter from its record. Tlie record Js printed on a nar row slip, as shown by the accompany ing cut. The letters read across the slip from left to right. Many of the words are spelled phonetically, but their meanings are obvious. The letter In the Illustration translated In long hand runs as follows: "If you could make It convenient to call at the Sun ofll to-morrow night, Thursday, I shall be glad to see you." A LAMB IN ICE. Exported from New Zealand to Test a Refrigerating: Process. - This Is a picture of the smallest lamb exported from New Zealand. It was A LAMB IX ICE. frozen Into the block of Ice as repre sented to demonstrate the capabilities of a refrigerating process. Bad Canae for Tears. Father (fiercely) Confound It! What's that child screaming about now? Mother Why, the poor dear over heard the nurse remark that he grew more like his papa every day. New York Times. Very Circumspect. "la Miss Straitlace circumspect?" asked Miss Pert. "Circumspect!" cried Miss Caustic; "why, she won't accompany a young man on the piano without a chaperon." Tit-Bits. Say nothing; It la the only way to void being misquoted, GIRLS. MADISON C. TETERS of nNew York Is one of the latter day pastors who do not believe In confining themselves to simply preaching the old-fushloued gospel, but prefer occasionally to discuss soclologl cal aud even nolitlcal topics. Dr. Pe ters recently delivered an address which gave great satisfaction to all his hear ers, particularly those among them who had marriageable daughters. The pith of the sermon Is herewith given: "First, I warn you against the snare of appearances. There are tricks in love as well ns In trade One of them Is to muke things seem be what they are not. Aa you value your life do not marry a manikin, a hatter's show block, a tailor's lay figure. Secondly, never marry n mun to mend him or reform lilni. If a man will not reform to please his sweetheart he will never do so to please his wife. I am the father of two little girls, and rather than that they should niurry men who drink I should prefer to see them taken to the eeine- terv. Thirdly, marry your equal, on the other hand, do not marry for ambl tiou. Do not many a man whose age Is greatly disproportionate to yours, You do not want to spend your best days ministering to a superannuated person. Fourthly, do not make matri mony a ma tter of money. So common bas the mercantile estimate of marriage become that I should not be surprised to see the "hymeneal market" list chronicled In the newspapers and the prices current quoted on the Stock Ex change. "I know It Is accounted a silly thing to marry for love, but the woman who for the want of It reduces marriage to a mercenary contract degrades mar riage, degrades herself and Inflicts an Irreparable outrage on the man she marries. Don't hesitate to marry a poor man, but be sure that be has something more than his poverty to commend him. And here let me say, marry a man who Is Industrious. The youug man who lives off the earnings of his father un til be can find a girl who Is fool enough to niarry him will very likely live off his wife's fnther. A do-nothing young man will make a good-for-nothing hus band. Lastly, pause long before you ay the word that ends your chance of realizing your ideal of marriage. Do not become cynical. The world is full of grand husbands and full of young men who will make the right sort of woman happy." To Preserve Husbands. See that the linen in which you wrap him Is nicely mended, with the requir ed number of buttons and strings sew ed on. Tie him In the matrimonial ket tle by a strong silken cord called com fort, should the one called duty prove too weak. Husbands are apt to fly out of the kettle and be burned and crusty on the edges, since, like crabs. and lobsters, you have to cook them while alive. Put them on a clear, steady tire of love, neatness and cheer fulness. Set blm as near the flame as seems to agree with him. If he sput ters and frizzles do not be anxious, for some husbands do this till they are quite done. Add a little sweetness In the form of kisses, but beware of mix ing vinegar or pepper. A moderate amount of spice improves them, but It must be used with good Judgment Stir him gently, watching the while lest he lie too fiat and close to the ket tle so as to become useless, Y'ou can not fall to find out when he Is done. If thus treated you will find a husband dl.'i'Stible. agreeing nicely with you and the children, and he will keep as long as you want him unless you be come careless and set him In too cold a place. American Jewess. House Gownr. To Look Graceful Awheel. It Is only natural that every woman should desire to look graceful on a wheel, and this longed for result lies largely with herself. Avoid all unnec essary motion, particularly with the knees: learn to pedal as much as pos sible from the ankle. Have your ma chine perfectly adjusted to you. Have a trim, well-made and becoming suit, fitting so well and fashioned on such lines that your coattails will not be flying out behind, your skirt blowing on either side and your neck bent to keep your hat from blowing off. Sit up straight, have your handle bars suffi ciently high to allow yon to take a tight but firm hold wljh the forearm straight and the elbow on a line with the waist. Don't despise the day of GOOD ADVICE TO THE T- EV little things; consider every trifle about your cycling costume, your wheel and your action; Improve where Improve ment there can be. and, when you can no longer do so, be happy In having procured the desired end. Girls Ws- Head Aboab The girl who Is a dream of loveliness when she Is drying her hair tn the sun. The blacksmith's daughter In iio country village who reads Latin, Greek and Hebrew. The beautiful little governess who wins the young lord's heart. The poverty-stricken maiden, who, gowned In simple white muslin and blue sash, outshines her bettor-dressed sisters, nnd Is the belle of the ball. The girl who looks fresh and sweet In a dainty gingham when she Is clean lug house. The girl whose wind-blow u tresses fall in a golden shower about her ala baster neck, when she takes a canter on her spirited bay. The proud beauty who scorns the at tertions of the humble young artist, and learns too late thai he Is a man of fume. The untutored maiden with the voice of a nightingale who brings the whole audience to her feet on her first ap pearance. : The heiress who wanders about dls giibed ns a poor girl and falls lu love with the fisherman's son. The girl with two or more madly Jealous suitors who can keep them all at her beck and call, and Induce them to do anything by a glance of her liq uid eyes. Philadelphia Times. New Duty for Maids. Among the notions of the present day Is that of "breaking In" the bride's shoes. This duty Is generally enacted by the chief bridesmaid. But this only can be done where the feet of two women are nearly of one size; and It Is not a pleasant Idea to think of anyone else standing In our own shoes. It would get them out of shape. Yet It is very nice to have the Initial stiffness taken out of a pair of stout walking boots, and one morning's wear will usually do It. Tan shoes are worn la the morning for bicycling; patent leath er, kid and cloth-topped shoes for af ternoon and satin slippers In the even ing. Novel Grenad.for Divorce. A Boston man, wedded bnt three months, is about to bring suit for di vorce upon somewhat novel grounds. His wife has always been regarded as an attractive woman, but she was courted and won by her husband large ly on account of her luxuriant and beautiful blonde hair. His compli ments were showered upon her hair profusely before and after marriage. Now he has discovered that all but & few straggling threads of that hair were purchased In a switch. It Is said that he made the discovery about a week ago and has not been living with his wife since. Orange and stem green satin vests make a stylish addition to the little Jacket bodices and those with short boleros. Cording and tucks vie with each oth er for the embellishment of the plainer waists when a second trimming mate rial or applied garniture Is not de sired. All the latest adjustable ribbon stocks are wound twice around the back and fastened in the back or front as preferred, the latter way though be ing much newer and more practiced. An old-fashion revived is to have a sleeveless waist or alternate stripes of velvet or satin ribbon and lace with girdle and bolero to match over a silk slip. The sleeves and stock match the slip, of course. Both fitted and half-fitted Jackets are worn, but those with the back snug and" taut to the body give the most be coming appearance to the figure. Have the back reach quite to the waist line. They are very apt to ride up, and If too short are very ugly. The Jacket fronts which will be exten sively worn this spring may be round, square, pointed or cut Into any fancy shape your taste may desire. They may be high or low, but no matter what the shape they always give the effect of a Jacket over a full vest or waist A utilitarian Idea Is to have a bodice with an adjustable yoke that can be hooked on, so that when It is removed the gown is cut low and can be worn for evening. Many of the most fash ioDable modistes are making their handsomest gowns In this way this spring. Moat Popular Woman. In the voting by the readers of Wom an, the English Journal, to decide w ho ls the "most popular woman in the) United Kingdom" outside of royal cir cles, the Baroness Burdett-Coutts led the Hat, with Ellen Terry second and Mme. Pattl third. a