Oregon City courier. (Oregon City, Or.) 1896-1898, August 07, 1896, Image 6

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Strange foree, miieealeil In mime forgotten
That dost past lmpcx iiml dreams of love
And ii h tln not cr. harmonious rise and full
CiiiiKt bring to nit In light liili clear uud
hi ron is.
The forum of ilnir one wliu have slept
yearn lu"a:
Whom I thought dead, lmt now they
live onre more,
And at thy call come smiling iih of yon'!
0, toll nio tin' the llight of time was
That nil li r' parkling hopes ngain arc
And thoso !nrl years lietween were but a
d ron in!
Lay not thy li.irp nsidp, or cruel night,
The child of day'H bright hopes, hIiiiII
o'er nie sieal,
And this blest moment but n vision seem,
While I xiK'ifn iife'g bitter woo must feel.
Boston Journal.
It was so quiet outside that when
tho long freight train would come lo
a standstill with an abrupt, awkward
Jerk we could almost hear tbe big,
drifting flakes us they fell. Not a
breath of air was stirring and the big,
Tound moon Altered down through ihe
snowstorm with a white, softened light
that revealed uear-by objects In a
Htrungo, ghostly sort of a way. The
Boft-coal lire that spluttered Utfully lu
tbe old-fashioned cast Iron upright
stove lacked cheer enough to break
the spell of tho outside air. Without
knowing precisely why, we sat mostly
in silence or muttered an occasional
monosyllabic observation as to how
goon we might reach Jersey City. We
were four hours behind time and some
where back of us we knew was tho
West Shore express, likewise behind
time and endeavoring to make up
something of Its lost run.
Sitting lu the little red caboose In
the rear of the big freight train, rum
bling along through a blind fog of
snow with a Hying express at our heels
gave an uncanny sensation that I, for
one, did not relish lu the least. The
drummer who had boarded the train
et Newburg sat morosely on a pile
of grips, which afforded him a softer
seat than the hard, wooden benches
strung along the sides of tho car. A
couple of shippers anxiously discussed
tho prospects for getting their stock
to market without having them half
frozen to death.
At tho entrance of Joe, tho brake
man, however, tho glum little party
seemed to thaw at once. He swung
.down off the roof of the last box car
and lu through the door lu a cheery,
wholesome sort of fashion that warm
ed us at once.
"Joe," said one of the shipper, "bo
wo going to reach Jersey City afore
.Christ mas?"
I "Isn't, this good enough for you to
live lu? llow'd you like to bo out
braking to-night?"
"'Taint no snap, that's a fact," the
shipper assented.
"No, you bet It ain't," said Joe, de
cisively. "Hut this ain't a patching to
what It Is sometimes."
Something In Ihe manner In which
Joe carefully tilled his cob pipe, took
a bit of stick from the lloor, puked It
Into the tin1 and 111 his pipe slowly
and thought fully, Indicated that a story
was coining.
( "Strange," said Joe at last, with a
ruminant look into the lire and a long,
steady pull at his pipe, "somehow to
night reminds nio of Ihe day afore
"Christinas two years ago. That was
Jvhen we brought Johnny Haines home,
puess you must 'a known Johnny," he
added, turning lo the shipper.
"Nope. Heard uf him. Co on, Joe.
What was the story V"
"Not much of a one," ,1m. replied de
precatlngly. "Just a brakeman's yarn,
only It's a little out of the common
run. The llrst day 1 ever saw Johnny
Haines I thought he was about the
handsomest lad I ever set eyes on.
He came up on No. II on her llrst trip.
Wo iised to meet often up and down
the road and got to know each other
pretty well. He was one of these lads
with a fresh, pink and white com
plexion and a Jolly laugh that made
you warm up to him at once, lie was
straight and strong, and when ho used
to stand Jauntily on top of tho car, the
train going forty miles an hour and
lie not seeming to think It was moving
it oil, there wasn't a girl along the
road that hadn't a smile for him as he
went by. The lad was anxious to stick
and worked hard, and, as he kept his
mouth shut pretty close, It was a long
time before we found out anything
about who he was. He had little ways
about him that made us think once In
a while that he hadn't been brought
tip to work, and his hands at llrst were
as soft and white as a girl's. One
of the fellows told Us a story of how
Johnny belonged to a good family, but
(tot kicked out for some reason or
other, but we always thought he made
It up, and, in fact, we never did find
out his story until that night. I mean
the nig!" t we took him home."
' Joe stopped, pulled vigorously nt his
pipe for a few minutes, blinked rather
suspiciously several times, and finally
the rather husky voice went on:
"It seems that the lad s name wasn y
Haines at all. lie loos tnai to con
ceal his own. His llrst name really
was Johnny, though, and. as that
was what everybody called him. tho
last didn't seem to make so much dif
ference. When he llrst came on the
road he was a little past 20, and his
open, boyish ways made some of the
fellows guy him and want to play
trick on him at first. Hut It didn't
take them long to find out that he hail
plenty of mettle. A gang of us were
laying around the Albany roundhouse
one day. waiting for a train to be made
when 'PHI I-awson negan to nag
. ' . ir ho, ..ni.in't ffPt ficht I
out of bliu. It eems they had some ;
trouble down the road, and when 'Rill'
had offered to light Johnny had re
fused. Jle tried til keep out of Hill's
way, but when 'Jilir said he was afraid,
Johnny turned ami walked siUarely
ui to him and said quietly: 'You lake
that back.' I never knew Just how It
was dune, but J till" made some sort
of a feint, and tho next moment the
big, hulking lubber was lying im the
ground. 'Bill' didn't seem to know
what hit him. Hut he went at Johnny
with such a savage look ih.it a lad
without genuine pluck would have
turned feather. But when 'Hill' lay
sprawling on the ground a second thou
we found out that Johnny was a hi
entitle boxer. There was an ugly gleam
In 'Hill's' eye when he got up, and us
he got close up to Johnny all of a suit
den ho flourished u big Jackkuifo he
always carried. Mow he got It out
of his pocket I never could toll. Ho
made a lunge, but Johnny dodged clev
erly and the knife Just grazed his face,
lie was on 'I'M' quicker than It takes
to tell It, choking the life oil. of him
We started to separate them, but when
we found that Johnny had 'Hill' so
that he could not do any damage with
the knife we let them light It out. 'Hill'
dually held up his hand for mercy anil
then Johnny let him up. After we
got them cooled off Johnny made 'Hill'
shako hands, and, though he didn't
show It then, I think afterward 'Hill
came to think us much of him as the
rest of us.
"I'p the road not very far from At
bany there Is a pretty little farm that
runs down to Ihe river, and right ut
tho corner of It was a water tank. It
happened that on this farm there was
a dark eyed little girl who was the
Idol of till the boys along the road
She wouldn't dirt with us, but she
used often to come down to the water
tank nnil get little packages which
the engineer, who was a friend of tho
family, used to bring down from Al
bany. She was plump and peachy,
with dark eyebrows and long lashes,
and under them the prettiest pair of
eyes I ever saw. There wasn't one of
us who wouldn't have married her
quick If she'd had us. But she was
sort o' reserved and shy and none of
us hud nerve enough to make love to
her. All except Johnny. All tho girls
smiled on Johnny and he smiled on
them. He didn't have to see the lass
twice before he was head over heels
In lovo with her and It wasn't very
long before ho made her know all
about It. To woo was to win with
Johnny, and regular as his train pass
ed tho farm Jenny that was the little
dame's uame was always there to
meet him. Wo used to chaff Johnny
a good deal over the matter, but we
couldn't get much out of him. Some
how, through the engineer or some
body, though, we found out that John
ny was going to marry the girl If he
could get his father to consent. He
couldn't very well marry on the sal
ary he was getting as a raw brake
man. "Tilings ran along through the sum
mer and Into the fall, and we noticed
that Johnny had got very quiet and
reserved like, and was evidently brood
ing over something. At last we found
out that Johnny hail been promised a
raise, and that along about the holi
days he was to be made a passenger
hrakemau, and then he was doing to
get married. There wasn't one of us
that wasn't glad of It. or who envied
him his good luck. The fall stretched
way Into the winter, I remember, and
my, wasn't It beautiful weather! You'd
stand up on lop of a car, and as the
train wound along the river shore mile
after mile, Just drinking In the air
and view, liraklng Is a hard life, with
lots of danger and pretty slim pay.
Hut those days we'd forget all about
the hardships and everything else.
Johnny was on the same train with
me and happy as a lark, thinking how
he would many and go up to Albany
to live. I used to notice, though, that
every once In a while his brow would
cloud up, as If he was thinking of
something that hurt him.
"Such weather couldn't last, though,
and when the end came, It came with
a squall. The thermometer dropped
forty degrees, and a cold, driving rain
that had set In In the afternoon turned
toward night Into a drifting, blinding
snow. We had a big train that night,
and with tho snow and the sleet and
the cold It gave us no end of trouble.
She parted three or four times going
not more than twenty miles, and It was
cold, dangerous work slipping along
the lop setting brakes or getting down
to make couplings. The wind howled
and whistled and the snow cut your
face like going through a hedge. It
was dark and the lanterns didn't show
plain through the snow, and every
thing seemed to go wrong. Several
times we thought we were stalled In
the drifts, but we'd uncouple and send
Ihe engine and two or three cars
through the drift, and then back up
and take the rest of the train through.
We wanted to get through lo Albany,
for the next day was a lay off, and two
days after that came Christmas.
"Johnny and I fought like beavers
against the cold, and. I tell you. It was
ticklish work. 1 felt more anxious
about Johnny than 1 did about myself,
for I was old at the business and he
was new. and I know how easy It was
for a sudden jerk to send a man Hying
down between the wheels. Hut John
ny wouldn't listen. He said he wasn't
afraid, and Jum then the whistle sound
ed Mown brakes.' We were sitting !n
the caboose, shivering around a dirty
little tire. I had frozen three of my
lingers, and 1 thought my ears were
frosted, tio. You see the storm c:ime
so sudden we didn't have time to get
on any mufflers, and the mittens were
pretty thin.
"Well, we climbed out. and Johnny
ran on ahead, saying that he was all
right and he'd take the front. The
,-ir mi ton were as slippery as glass.
and we had almost to creep along from
one .-ar to auotlwr to keep from fall-
lug off, for sho was running at a good
pace, uud the snow on the tracks made
the cars lurch uud suing. 1 looked
up uud through tin snow ami tho dark
I recognized the landmark, and knew
we were Healing the water tank, where
Johnny's glii lived. Just at that nio
mem the train gave a frightful Jerk necessaries of life for hliuseir mid rum
nnd I saw the engine go rearing In air, j Hy. Ho Is now in San Francisco with
and about a hundred feet uhead I H'oO.OOO In gold colli to his credit. It
saw u lantern swing wildly in the air j Is another story of a lucky Hud of rich
and go down. I went Hat on the car1 gold and silver bearing quartz,
and hung there for dear life. We ' Fierce Is the name of the new camp,
stopped In ten or twenty yards and I I Just coming Into prominence, about
swung off the car like niad. 'Great , thirty miles northeast of Tombstone,
(hid,' I thought, if that wus Johnny!'! It is made more conspicuous because,
'Something made me feel that he
had gone under tho wheels, and when
I crawled uhead a few cars there I
found him, lying all while ami still,
lie wus too much stunned to say a
word. We picked him up and started
to carry him lo tho house where Jen
ny lived. I saw Ihat the wheels had
gone over both legs over one near the
thigh and the other below tho knee.
My, but he was a game lad, for all the
torture of carrying him up tho hill
couldn't wring a word from him. We
knocked at the door and said one of
the boys had got hurt Ihat the engine !
had Jumped the track. A while little'
face came to the door and looked at i
us a moment, and then as soon as she
saw me and my face Jenny shrieked ,
out, 'It's Johnny! Hut she didn't
faint or cry, nor say another word.
We Just carried him in and put him on
the bed and she took charge of him.
One of the boys rode over to get it
doctor, but when lie came he saw at I
once that It was no use. It was only.
a question of how long Johnny could
survive the shock. He lay there very j
quietly, and finally when the doctor's
examination was finished, he said: "Is
there any show, old man'" j
I couldn't reply, but he knew as I
turned my head away what the an
swer was. Johnny was quiet for a
moment, and then pulling Jenny's hand
with his own weakly, ho said lu a
husky voice: 'Little girl, I want lo go
home.' And that he Insisted an all tho
rest of the night. We didn't think
that he'd be alive by morning. Hut he
was, and we decided to put hlui on
board the morning express. The
wrecking train had thrown the engine
out of the road and cleared tho track,
and when the express came down we j
flagged her and took Johnny aboard. I
4 11 I.. n.n.tl.t ..!! ,.... 1,1a'
.111 Jl II11V tlulim leu UD n ua null uin
? , ,, , i x- i-i ii i
father lived lu New York. Hut she I
gave the couductor an address for a
We didn't think that he would last ,
the Journey, and about half way down i
hard and then lay back still. Tho I
little girl threw herself upon him
blug us If her heart would break, but
it didn't do any good. Poor Johnny
nils feum.. -
Joe paused a moment and looked
Into the lire.
"Well," he said, "to cut it short, when ,
we got Into Jersey City Johnny's fa-;
ther was there. It didn't take more
than a glance at his clothes and his
portly bearing to tell me that he was :
a rich man. Ho sprang Into the car
and would have pushed me out of tlu
road. I knew who he was, and I held;
on to him, and I said: 'Walt a m.n-;
ute. Johnny was pretty badly hurt, j
He grabbed me like a vise, and said. ,
In a set voice, 'Can ho live?' I shook j
my head, and he gasped, is lie ' 1
"I led him over to where the boy
ly, but he didn't want to see him.
lie looked very hard nt the little girl
who sat there sobbing, and said, 'slow
ly, is tlils--.Ienny?' And then ho took
her very quietly lu his arms and kissed
1 went to the funeral the next day.
liiat was the day before Christmas.
The old n tin's hair bad turned white,
ind his face was as lined and rigid
s though he was mounting a scaf- i
fold. He was twenty years older than j
the morning 1 saw him llrst. It seems
that Johnny had been brought up,
like most boys, to have all the money
he wanted. He got wild and In with a
fast gang, and, to try to curb him, his
father, who was a wealthy banker,
uot hi m a place In a store as cashier.
Johnny's allowance wasu't enough, and
he made It up out of tho cash drawer.
When lt was discovered his father
made up the amount, and then sent
Johnny adrift. Ho never spoke to him
afterward, and when Johnny, after a
year's good service on the road, ap
pealed to him for money enough to
get married on the old man returned
the letter. I found it in Johnny's coat
pocket the morning we took him home."
The train whistled for a station, and
Joe," grabbing his lantern, escaped
Into the night and the falling snow.
New York Herald.
Memorial to John Hancock.
For lo: years the tomb of John Han
cock In the Old (iranary burying ground
has been marked only by the name
'Hancock." The bronze marker of the
Soils of the American Kevolutioii was
placed In front of the tomb several
vears ago. and has since remained
there. In 1S!H the General Court appro-
printed a sum of money lor the erection
of a suitable memorial to mark the spot.
This has b i completed, and workmen
are now engaged In placing it In its
position. Just under the shadow of the
Park street church. I lie monument U
Id feet high, the base is of Milford gran
ite ." feet by ( feet, a ltd inches thick.
The shaft is 12 feet it inches long, by !t
fivt ti Inches wide, and 1 foot t! inches
thick. The portrait on the shaft is after
Copley, and is surrounded by a wreath.
The ooilt of arms of John Hancock, ivu
sitting of a shield, on which are three
e-.vks on a hand, bearing the crest of a
winged grltlin. with the lr.s,'rtptt"i
Obsta prliu'lpus." will be displayed on
the top of the stone, i niter tiie por-
tralt is this Inscription: "This memorial
erected A. I. MIVCCXl V. by the Com- fifteen minutes, giving yourseu jusi
monwealth of Massachusetts to mark enough exercise to make the blood c:r
the grave of John Hanoock."-Boston culate nd to sharpen aa appetite for
Transcript. 1 brekfast. The fan acts on the cnea-
For Year He Wu Poor as a J'uupcrl
Now He lit Hlcli a I'rinco.
John lierce Is a Tombstone, Arl.,
njluer who, up to a yeur and a half
- 1 ago, had dllllcult work to provide tho
In addition to Its great ore richness,
It Is about the only gold camp lu the
territory. Already there are GOO peo
ple there, and empty houses from
Tombstone are being taken there bod
ily. An English syndicate has secured
the Pierce ledge, and has organized
with $1,500,000, and It Is said that
there Is a prospect of the new camp
rivaling Cripple Creek in Colorado.
lierce about four years ago took up
a claim about thirty miles northeast
of Tombstone. There was a water hole
In the mountains, and he took the place
In order to get the water so be could
raise a few head of stock. One day,
about eighteen months ago, he picked
, , . .. . ,
up a piece of stone to throw at one
' . .. ... . . , u
of the cows when he noticed bow heavy
It was. "t'pon closer examination,"
. am... Ilnpin "I o.iw ivhnt tltro
' r,t " Zrx
'nf tha . ,, ll(irnpi, lt ftllt
The result showed considerable gold.
I went back and got more rock and
took lt lut0 Tonll)s,oe the next day
! and an assay showed nie that I had
found a rich mine. The lodge where I
nlnborl on tha rnolr wna not nvfr 400
. h . . tr
, , tn i ni int- inu- t
,,.,,.,, nn ninn h!ms,f. . he
tQ do M the (lovt,lopln(, work on a
. TIrt ,.,,,, . tflk nnt
n f , , , .
Th(, rfsuU from th,3 sh,I)lnont Wlla
s mn u.m. ,, ,., t nt nion.
nv . ',',. Kl,..ft 0m1 m
diUm g() tmU ,t was 1)ossib!e t0 nacer.
the pxt(,nt of tlle After
tWs wm.k l)a(1 bpen accomplished some
pnrtjos fronl slirPl. city, X. M.. came
nIl,n,r ..., i,onded the nronertv for
JilO.OOO on a year's time. Hefore the
year had expired they sold the bond
to the English syndicate for an ad
vance of 9HX1.000 and when the year
was up, which occurred last week, Mr.
Fierce got a draft on San Francisco
and he at once came to the city to get
his coin.
Prior to two years ago Pierce was a
broken-down miner, a man who had
never had to exceed $10 at one time
n,i wi10 was having a hard struggle
t0 mukp hoth ends meet. Now he
has $250,000, all In gold coin, and,
like most men lu similar circumstances,
does not know how to spend his mon
ey. Ills wife, before he made the
strike, had to go to Tombstone and
help out the family exchequer by do
ing such odd Jobs of house cleaning
as she could tlnd, while the son, a young
man, now 20, herded cattle on the
ranges, r.eskles one son, he has a
daughter, who was given the advan
tage of the public schools of Tomb
ChcmicnU Are rued, n Crank Is
Turned for Fifteen Mlnnti'H.
The invention of a miniature Ice
machine has caused tho kings of con
gealed water to tremble in their boots.
Mr. J. P. O'Brien is the inventor, and
the Ice machines are to be put on the
market lu the very near future. The
affair consists of a box about th" size
and shape of nu ordinary ice box.
Pown the center of the box runs n e;, i
Inder for the water that Is to be turned
to Ice, and around this cylinder are
cells, In which are placed the chem
icals whose action freezes the water.
On the top of the box Is a crank like
. t , , Th;s hau
du ,s nntd wnh a shaft on which
ftre f(l(!t(lneii fna blades. Do you want
(of t)ie laT? Just nn np tlie cylin.
der wIth watl.r. says the Inventor of the
new style Ice box. turn the crank for
Ba N
icflls, the chemicals act on tho water.
At the end of the prescribed time take
out your cylinder, and, presto! thpre
you have u round block of gllstenius
Tho cost of Ice produced by this
process, t Is claimed, will be y 1.40 u
yeur. This is tho amount the company
to be formed for the wile of the boxes
will churge for chemicals silllhictit to
lust a year. T fieri Is to be no other ex
pense. The freezer will contain com
partment for the storage of household
supplies that are n.nuully kept in the Ice
box. The freezers are to be made to
sell, at the honsehohl sl.e. for $1.1 each,
and will last for ten years, by renew
ing tho chemicals one a year. These
cheniiculu will be furnished by tho
freezer company only. Tho company , ti, glorious Fourth l.m passed away,
will keep the freezers In order and the fb? Jny dnwns bright with cheer f,
chemicals In good condition. i The small Iwy'j chances to survive
Xtf good for iMie more year.
. , Ci , ' Poet-How do yon kno-v the editor
Annual Output of the Rates Without , ,t , . ,, , ,, , ,
Hesard to Merit. isn't In? Olllce-boy I rum your looks.
Whatever the clgartuakers or the el- 1 I,llok
gar seller might have thought of Wey- i I'll'st Trnnip-Wu you eviv married?
ler's prohibition, one class of Amerl-I Second Tramp-Well; I Jlst wish I had
can citizens viewed it with undisguised ! U the alimony I ow.-Puck.
delight. At llrst they could not be-j "Weren't you surprised when ho pro
llevu It true; then when they saw It posed?" "No; why should I he?" "Ev
was really a fact their joy broke out j erybody elso was." Harlem Life.
unrestrained. In many parts of the
country mass-meetings wero held and
universal rejoicing proclaimed.
The people who have so benellted by
the edict were the farmer. For years
these honest men have been raising
tobacco and offering it in the tobacco
markets. Their quality was superior,
their curing perfect, their leaves uni
form In size, and their leaf without
blemish. Hut they could get little.
Tho magic word "Havana" forbade tho
native Industry from being nppreel
ated as It should have been. Tobacco
manufacturers themselves knew the
superiority of the native tobacco, but
they could not convince the iiiiin who
smokes. And so the fanner, after
TonAcco-onowixo status.
his toll and care had to take medium
But all this is changed now. Weyler
allows the made-up cigar to come Into
this country, but there Is a slight nils
understanding about the tobacco leaf,
and this Is the farmer's rejoicing.
The annual production of tobacco in
the I'nited States has been growing
greater and greater for several years ; 110 longer willing to do deadly comlmt
past. It has never been known as a , for the love ot a woman. He Ain't lt
tobacco-growing country, because it ' l,lw1'. though.''- Especially, vhen worn
ii not nrn,ln,.e,t nil thp lo.if lr wanted. ' en have so lunch more mousy of their
But all who know onr agricultural pos
sibilities say there is no reason why
a leaf of the Imported tobacco should
ever be asked for here again.
They Were Horn in Illinois, and Can
Hwim Excellently.
Mr. John Cordon, of Mount Vernon.
Ill, has a duck which has turned out ;
a queer brood of ducklings. One had
fotirperfect legsaud feet.and theduck-!
limr uses them all in walking Just like !
any other quadruped. The other has ture wharde Postol Puul pints his pis
three lens, but the third leg is rather nn ' tol to de Feslons." Washington Times.
Impediment in walking than otherwise.
The other ducks in the brood are of
normal appearance.
When It comes to swimming, how-
ever, the three and four-logged ducks
show their superiority. They are like
so many extra paddles or oars to a boat,
and they can make better speed than
their less favored brethren and sisters.
Fecund Insects.
M. Fougnrd says that a single pair of
aphides will bring 1ai.inhi.ihXkX.
ooo.onO individuals of their kind into
existence in a single season vf At?
months, or. say. during the mr-nths of
May, June. July. August and Septvm-
ber. ' No other known species of insect
wht.-h can he se.n with the naked eye
hrls w-itb anvthing like swh amazing
rapidity. "
How times change! A few years ago
to speak of a nit Implied that the
speaker must have them.
k . '
Never Touched Her: He Don't you
ever tire of talking? ;?he (quickly)
It depends upoa who Is talking. Vogue.
Artist That man Bacon offered me'
$12 for that largest painting of mine.
Caller Oh, then you've had It framed?'
Yonkers Statesman.
She Young Baggie, I bc-leve, takes
his fences well? IIo Yaas splendid
ly; but It's a pity his horse diesn't takir
'em at the same time. .Sydney Bullo-
i tin.
"There!" hissed tie Jealous .Moor;
j "how do you feel now?" "Down In
I the mouth," gasped, the Irrepressible
j Desdenioua from beueath her pillow,
"It Is simply astonishing the way the'
bicycle is displacing t'u horse!" "It Is,
Indeed. Yesterday I found a piece of
rubber tiro la my sausage." Cincinnati
Brown Have you r-MJd this article
upon "How to Tell a Boj! Egg?" Jones
No, but If you have anything to tell
a bad egg, niy advice U to break It
gently. Up-to-Date.
Miss Rechere (IndignnntIy)Dld you'
tell Jim Jackson dat ef lie married nie
he'd hab a white elephant on hees
hands? MIbs Snoflalke No, Indeed, I
didn't! Do.y' fluk I'se - color-blind ?
Tuck. Amicus Why, do you we the ex
pression funny joke? Aren't all Jokes
funny? Editor Not by ai long shot.
The jokes that other fellows get off
at your expeuse are never funny.
"It seems tci me, Miranda," mildly
observed Mr. Meeks, "tluse cakes
would be considerably Improved by tha
addition of a little more gingvr." "So
would you, William," briefly responded
Mrs. Meeks. Chicago Trlbuntj.
"Well, girls, Jack and I. are to be
married at hist,. and we are happy!"
"Did you and .lack have some troublo
,'.n getting your father's consent?" "No,
papa and I hail a lot of trouble In get
ting. Jack's consent." Exchange.
Mrs. Browm-l have been so. annoyed
nt my husband. lie has b'.-u at tho
club every night for a week. Mrs.
Joues Why,, so has niy husband, and .
he said he hadn't seen anything of your
husband for a week. Brooklyn Life.
She It seems strange that men are-
own these dajV. Indianapolis Journal. .
"I once kutfw a man," snJd the Im- -aginative
boarder, "who w.n so fat that:
he was actually taller Ijini; down than
when he was standing 113. What do.
you think. oC that?" "It, strikes me,"
said the cheerful Idiot, "as pretty tall,
lying." Indianapolis Journal.
A Dangerous Text: "Well, Fncle-
Basbury,.hw did you like the sermon?"
"Pow ful. hue sermon.. Mirse John..'
"W nero- oiii me preiiciK-r taKe n;a
text?" "Frum dat po'tioit ob de Scrip-
Fair Patient Is there no way of tell
j lng exactly what Is. the matter with
j me? Dr. Eunice Only a post-mortem
' examination would reveal that. Fair
j Patient Then, for heaven's sake, make
j one. I don't seo- why I should be
j squeamish at such a time as this. Pick-.
1 Me-l'p.
i "Modern society," observed Ihe ycaing-
man, contemplatively, "h;s revised.
: most of the old-time proverbs." "les,"
observed the chaperon, to whom I, had.
just handed au Ice, "for Instance-, now
I ndays we eay, 'When the husband
; comes in at the door, the lover ties out
of the window.' "Exchange.
First Summer Girl Are yon gohnj t
that old Christian Endeavor mtyUfg
this evening? Second Sumaier ;iii
Y'es. indeed! Haven't you lireuM the
subject to be discussed? First Samruer
Girl No; what Is It? Second Summer
Girl "How to Hold Our Young lien."
Nsw York Press,
' I was very glad. Mabel, to stc yo-.i
among those who were received into
the church last Sunday." "Yes. auntie,
but I w as so provoked with the clergy
man! He gave me the old-style, tin
fashionaWe hands.hake. And he gets
salary of JtS.000 a year!" Chicago TriV
'Ka-stus. you Infernal nigger. y,a
told we that mule was perfectly scife,
and when I went Into tb.e stabU he
nearly KicKea tne top or my head off."
"Yes- Ma: 1 de mew wi safe,
eah- Bnt f yo' kln "woHect, 1 didn't
fay nuffin' about wedder It was safe
in his wic'.nlty. Dat mewl is abh
enough to be isfe anywhar." Wash
lcgton Star.