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About St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current | View Entire Issue (June 24, 1910)
BOWSER'S HUNTING Makes Annual Foray Into the Country In Search of Snlpn. HAS INDIFFERENT SUCCESS. Wlfa Hat to 8and For Him at Last to 8ava Him From Wrath of a Doten Farmaro Waa Taken For a Lunatic by a Strangtr. (Copyright, 1807, by tlio McCiure Newapa per Syndicate. Mr. Bowacr had promised to sccuro two senta for tho tbenter during the day nml tnko mo In tlio evoulnjr, nnd when ho entered tho Iiouho nt 0 o'clock with n brond suillo on his faco 1 felt sure that nothing had happened to bring about n disappointment. "Then you got tho tlckots and wo are going?" I naked as I gnvo him the xpected kiss. "Tickets? Going? What do you menu?" ho nsked In n blank wny. "Tickets for tho theater, of courno. You said you would Burcly get ttioni ' "I IIXAHD HIM ASK IP TltKllK WE1II 01H&. BtaT UKAIM A1IOUND." I slinll bo nil dressed nnd ready half nn hour nuead of time. Did you got them well down In front?" "Coino to think of It, I bcllovo thcro was something said about tickets nnd tho theater, but I mot Clrccn on tho car, and tho thing parsed completely out or my mind." "And what did meeting Green hnvo to do with UV" "Why, Green Is n great sportsman you know. IIo catches mora fish and shoots mora nnlpo than any otbor mnu Hi owu. Ho wanted to know If 1 didn't know that tho snlpo shooting season opened tomorrow nnd was sur prised that I had forgotten It" "Well?" "Well, ho has got a gamo kneo nnd can't go out shooting, but I'm going by myself. You know 'I go ovory fall I'vo been tasting sulpo In Imagination all day. Wo can go to tho thentor any night this fall or winter wo cnu go n hundred ulghts-but.,1 must go snlpo shooting tomorrow. I wunt to got away at daylight, and I'vo got to bop 'row n gun thl arming nnd moke ready." It Is true that Mr. Dowser went anlpe hunting lust year and tho year before. It Is also truo that ho didn't even seo n snipe; nlso that ho hud trou bio with fnrmors on both occasions und on tlm lust camo homo with black eyo and his coat ripped from tall to collar. IIo had then snld that ho was through with sulpo forover; that millions of them might comu nnd tight on tho 'housetop nnd ho wouldn't stratch forth bis hand. I reminded him now of his wohIh, and ho icpllcd: "Jsovor, Mrs; IJowscr never said anything that could lc possibly twist ed to mean any such thing! I couldn't hnvo had any fuss with fnrmors, and If I camo home with a black eye It was caused by a kick from the gun. You have got things nil mixed up, This puts off our going to the theater for only a night or two, and I hop you won't be a booby about It." "Ob, I'm not going to complain," I said. "If a husband cares mora about nine than bo does about bis wife sbo must put up with It" "It Isn't that, and you how It Isn't I care more about you than I do about Ave snipe, but I wunt you to see this thing In the same light that I do. I go out to shoot snipe. I get the day lu tbo country. Tho walking Is good for my rheumatism. I get the exhilaration of shooting a gamy bird. I talk wltb the farmers about their cropti. I drink more or less buttermilk. I Pieet other sportamen, and we compare notes and get acquainted. I shoot nud bring home four dosen snipe, and we hare snlpo pie for a week, I fuel rejuve nated, am . completely restored to health, ami during the rest of the fall I go around whistling and slnglifg. I bopo you won't bo selfish In the mat ter." Oh, What'a the UiaT Of course I told him that I didn't want to be and that I should be glad to see htm go out and enjoy himself. What was the use In saying anything to the contrary? lie would have gone anyhow. As soon as dinner waa over be went off somewhere and borrowed a gun and a game bag and ammuni tion, and be spent two solid hours cleaning that gun. It was a gun a rod long. I can't remember what bore be said It was nor bow mauy snipe it would shoot to the minute, but the Igurea were very liberal. All you bad to do was to put In anywhere from a desea to a txwkel of cartridges and aim and, gull tka trigger. I asked Mr. Bowser If the wasa't mad atx tea feet leajr a that tba mailt eaatM AU our aaaata ara coranMsaat la- aaaetad aad tba beat Uat aseaey eas bay Taey ara a fatly aad careful ly baa died. Ceaie la aad tear yaw order far trea deUvery. Ward'a Caatral Market. - Mara yew property laawed la tba sR. Faal w Nertbera fire taawaaea eeaia'aales. They ara tba beat. I. Ia. Dafele, ageat a be used to push snlpo olT tbclr nests, aad for a few minutes the relations betwoeu us were strained. Wo had hnrdly become reconciled again when I asked him what sort of a looking bird n snlpo was. -IIo didn't seem to hear tho question, nnd I nut It nirnln. Then ho looked up, with n red face. nun unld that some folks cnlled them partridges sumo folks who didn't know nnythlng. I had my suspicions, out snia nothing further. When we got ready for bed Mr. Dowser charged mens roiiows: Not to let him oversleep. Not to let him forgot the ctin. To see that he took somo ammonia nio:i In care n nilnp hit hi Not to let him forget to k!s me oro ho departed. He didn't look for any accident, but u fuso might possibly diow out somowherc. Not to let nnythlng that tho cook might say disturb me. Tho cools didn't know n snlpo from n codfish. in rquiiuu nun to toicpnono mo whenever he hhd opportunity during mo unj To remind hlra tho very Inst thing befotv Ills departure that ho was no dray horso and that If ho slaughtered more than two dozen snlpo he was not to try to nrlng them homo on his Imclr, Sir. Downer woke up nt midnight nnd got up to tlnd that the wenther wns nil right for snlpo: ncnln nt 1 o clock, nt 2, nt 3. nt 4. Tho weather continued nil rlht. nml he wns thrashing nrotind In bed nml Itllllntr snipe by the cart load when 1 woke hliii ut C. Ho drcccd, harried down nnd dovourcd n pleco of bread nnd butter nnd was out of tho house with Hint long gun on bis shoulder before I wns fairly nwnke. IIo hadn't waited to be reminded of anything. Tho milk man was at the door, nnd I heard him ask If there wcra grizzly licnm around and If they had teeth, but his Inqui ries remained unanswered. When I finally went down to ray breakfast I found tho cook In tears, nnd when I nsked tho cnuso sho replied: "1 weeps for you, mn'ntn, nnd I don't charge you nnythlng extra for It" "Dut why weep for mo?" "Decnuso Mr. Dowser will bo knock ing trees nnd fences down with tho end of that long gun and got himself killed." An hour hnd passed when tbo tele phone rang, nud I went to It to be greeted by Mr. Dowser's rolco. He snld: "I hnvo reached tho country. Am telephoning you from n brickyard. All tho brick men say thatlhoro aro snlpo by tlio million about n mile farther on. It Is n good thing tbnt I brought fiOO cartridges. I nm In tho best of spirits. Uoodby." Snip? Billions of 'Eml Forty minutes later I heard from Dim ngnln. IIo said: "Hello, glrly. I am nt n fartnuouso. Hnvo been Inquiring nil about buck wheat nnd cabbages. They nro a big chop. Tho farmer says tho snlpo must hnvo got wind of my coming, as they all flow nwny Just before my arrival, Ho estimates tho number In tbo flock nt 2.000,000. I am about to push on after them. Wish I had brought a thousand cartridges and a gun thirty- two feet long. I feel all tho oxbllara- tlon anticipated, nave arranged with the farmer for tbo uso of his two horso wagon to bring my sulpo homo. Ho is really nu Intelligent man. Ho doesn't think tbo Standard Oil company will pay that lino for two or three weekr yet Goodby." Ouco moro I beard from him. It wai two hours Inter, nnd I had begun In worry. It was needless, for ho stild: 'I am on tho trail of tho snipe Thcro aro bullous nnd billions of them, ana they cnunot escapo me. Wish I hnd brought 2,000 cartridges. Wish tho gun was fifty feet long. Am tele phoning from another farmhouse. Farmer says that tbo bumblebee 1 preparlug to retire to.liU lair for the season, ono moro effort and I am among the snlpo. Nover folt so or hllarnted in my Ufo. Dy John, but this Is neolng life, this la I aoodby." That was tho last from him. Hours and hours later the telephone called mo again, and tho voice of a stranger said: "If that Is Mrs. Bowser I want to say to her that there Is a short, pudgy man wltb n bald bead roaming around out here and talking about snlpo and exblluratlou. He claims to be your husband. Will you send for him be fore the farmers gather and run blra off and lock him up for a loouey?" I sent for him and brought him home, gun and all, and as I write this bo lies asleep on the lounge. The doc- tor says he will probably live through It, but all depends on the nursing. IIo must have been bitten by at least twenty snljw and a dosen farmers M. QUAD, Not Near Enough. Lore 81ck Giraffe (making googoe ye at MUa Gorilla) Way down la sab heart I've a feeling fo' you. Miss Qorilla (looking dableusly dawa tba giraffe's seek) Yea, bat Ifa tee far off, gtree. I caa ealy ba a aietar te o Beaeauaa. How Your Title? Have your abstracts made, con- sued or examined at the .Peatnsu a Title. Abstract aad Realty Co' Accurate work. Reasoaable fees. ft. Headersoo, Manager, 120 North erjiey street. WANTED. Bright youae; sua to learn the priHtar's trade. Call Bl (Has oaacc, . I 4 HOBO HELPS COBBLER His Advice as Followed Out by Hans Proves a Winner. RUSH OF BUSINESS GREAT, Enough Work on Hand Now to Ke.p the Wolf From the Door Tramp Re turna and la Given the Glad Hand and 8ome Bear. CoDvrlKht. 1907.1 tshust hnvo ono content patch to put on for a week, und It looks ash If I must stiti t oop my shop und drlvo coal wngon vben n tramp comes into tier shop und says bo likes to get lift piyt on his heel. "It vhns 20 cents," I Bays. "It vhns nottlngs," says ho. "I don't work for nottlngs," snys I "Nor I either," snys ho. "Vhcll?" "Vholl, you sco who I thus. I vhns an old tramp, und my Indian name vhns Hc-Who-Slui-Down-und-Thlnks IOU SHALL HAF DUEli," I HATS, Awhile. Sometimes I think ono thing und sometimes nnoddcr. Bhust now I Vhas thinking dot you vhas nn otd Dootcliumii dot won't have nnythlng hi dcr Iiouho to cat lu a week longer If you don't wnko oop und bring some KesucHS hero. Deglu on dot heel while I tnlk to you. It vhas 20 cents, but I glf you two hooncred dollars' worth of advice Instead of dcr money." I looked at him for awhlla und dcu took his shoo, und purty soon ho snys "Cobbler, don't you make n study of dor people?" "If I cobblo shoes dot vhas all I can do," I soys. "Dot's whero your bead vhas screw ed on dcr wrong way. If you don't study dot "peoples you don't muko a soocccss In peosucss. Dcr first thing you have to learn is dot dor (tcoples alvhaya vhant vbat dcy can't get. Dot's vbat makes mo n tramp. 1 like to bo president of a suvlng bank. 1 can't get dor Job, und so I rocs tramp ing. Anybody can como In dls shop." "Of course." "Und so only a few como lu. Hup- pono It vbui locked oop und bad a slga on dcr door dot uopody could como lur "Den I vhas a bankrupt" "Den you vhas getting ready to mako n lot of monoy. Now, you listen to mo. I vhas uobody, und yet I study human uature. If I dou't I vhas starv ed to death In a week. If I vhant to sleep lu a farmer's barn, do you belief I nsk him? No, sir. I ask him If I enn sleep under n tree In his yard. Dot makes him say I shall sleep In dor bam. If I want a good mcnl I don't ask his wife for It I say I would llko a drluk of sour buttermilk. She likes to havo It bor vhay, und so sho makes inu sit dowu to dcr table und cat a good square meal." "vholl, raobbo dot vhas so," I says, "So? Of course It vhas so. If you llko peoplo to do ono thing tell 'em to do anodder. In dls world wo all llko to have our vhay. If you keep dls shop open some one comes lu vben be likes to. If you shut him oop a bun dred peoples como here und pound on der door to get In." Vhell, dot- tramp talks to me for two hours. Deforo be comes 1 don't belief dot a tramp knows anything. After he goes avbay I belief dot a tramp knows all about It. I talk things over mlt my wife, und sbo snys go ahead, und so der peoples who pass my place next morning find my shop shut oop and a big slgu In der wludow which reads: "Notice to Some Publics. Der Ger man cobbler bas gone out of peosness, No more cobbling done hero. You vhlll find a dago shop one block down." ShUBt ash soon nsb I cats my break fast I put on my Boonday clothe und take some walks. I stop lu effery store und bouse and saloon und say: , "I vhas here to say dot I vhns gone out of pecsness. Please don't bring any more shoes to my shop." Stopped by People. More ash feefty people like roe to stop und tell why, but I pass along. I go for half a mile around my shop, lud I apeak to children on der street, und I keep avbay from der shop all day. My wife says somepody vhas knocking at der dooi all der time In der afternoon, but she don't mind It Vhell, I like to tell you dot der first thing In der morning a man comes tn mlt three pairs of shoes und calls out: "Here, now, but vbat vbaa all dla about?" "I sbust go out af peesnesa," I taya. "Vhat forr "Ob, I vbaa gbetUng old!" "Nonsense! You vhas going to stay debt bare for Are years yet Hera vbaa sosie shoes to tx oop. Yoa can't United States Laundry B ket Imvm Monday aftaraoon E. 0. MAOOON, Agent in N. Jersey Street Bubacribe for tba Talefraaa beat areata- paper ea tba eoast See bm atacktoa. Work tar m. " au Takaa go out of pecsness In no pooch vhay. 1 guess dcr peoples hnf somctlugs to say bout dot." "Vhcll, I sit und Hinoko my pipe, und nnoddcr man comes In. IIo vhas In n hurry, und his face vhas red. "Vhnt docs dot sign mean?" he shouts nt 1110 almost beforo ho vhns In dcr door. "It means llko she reads," I snys. "Dut you can't do things dls vhay. Who snld you could go out of pecs ness? Dy vliot right do you do It? One dny you vhns nil right nnd vhnnt our custom: der next you vhns going out ofipecsness to suit your own con venience. Vhcll, you can't do It. Mere wns somo shoes lo tlx oop. Sco dot you do n good Job und hnf 'cm douo by Friday." If dot trnii)p vhns around 1 pat him on dcr back, but I don't sec him any where. I vhas looking nt dor fife pairs of shoes on dcr counter vben n womnns comes In mlt two pairs more und says; "Vhcll, cobblcf, I llko your ncrvo to put oop a sign telling mo to go to dcr dngo mlt my shoes! Do you belief you run dls town?" "No, mn'nm." "It looks na If you did, but you shall And out different You don't go-out of pecsness until you fix dco shoes und thrco more pairs dot 1 shall send In. It vhas for you to accommodato dcr peoples. It vhas for dcr peoples to say when you shall shut oop shop. Don't talk bnck to mo. but get n huntlo on you." Dcr next caller vhas nlso n woman. Sho keeps n boarding house two blocks avhay und alvbays takes her shoes to n dngo. Sho comes salting In mlt basket of shoes und says: "If I hnd found der door locked llko yesterday I should hnvo kicked It open. Cobbler, vbat sort of n slioko do you cnll dls?" "Vhns It somo slioko If I llko to go out of pecsuess?" I snys. Hana la Warned. "You try It, nnd you won't And It much of n shoke, I can tell you. Your shop vhns to accommodato peoples. It vhns your ncomieas to bo here. Vlion dcr peoples any you can go out of poos ncss it vhns time to put oop somo signs llko dot. Fix oop dene shoes und don t lio nil der year about It." Dcr noxt caller vhns n nice little girl Sho has n pnlr of men's shoes to bo heeled und hnlf soled, und sho snys to mo: Tiense, Mr. couuiur, nut my papa Vilnius you to fix oop deso shoes." "I vims gono out of pecsness, my denr," I says. "lcs, papa snld thnt you might say dot, but If you did to say to you dot ha como around hero dls evening und put you hnck Into pccsiioHS mlt six broken ribs. My papa In n bad innn If nuy 011a goes out of pecsness mltotit nsklng him about It." Deforo noon oven dcr fat poilccmans on der Itcnt comes In, IIo owes mo $2 for n yenr 11111I won't pay. If I speak nlmut dcr debt, ho shnkes his (1st nt mo und snys ho vhlll glf It nvhny dot I vhns mnklng counterfeit money. Dls tlmo ho comes In mlt n smllo on his fnco und hnnds mo q dollar und snys "Couuier, I don't llko lu sco you scut to prison for thrco yenrs. You must stny right lioro undkeep dls shop run nlng. I pny you doT odder dollar next week." Und dot ovciiIukh doro tramp come around to sco how It vhns, und vhon I tells him ho laughs tind says: "Ilnr you got somo wutcr hnndy?' "You sbnll hnf Iwor," I snys. "80? Dot vhns vhnt I wanted nil dcr tlmo. Boo? Vhnt you vhnnt don't nsk for It und der peoplo vhlll always glf It to you." M. QUAD. An All Round Article. "They do say," snld Mr. Tnrklus. "thnt peanuts havo great possibilities ns fowl." "I should think so," nuswored his wife. "After you hnvo eaten tho ker nels think what lovely patent food tho nciis would make." Washington Stnr. Heating. "I do wish," said. Dncklotz, "that we bud a decent heater lit our Iiouho. How yours? Does It keep tho house warm?" "No," replied Kububs, "but It keeps mo overheated ovory tlinu I attend to !t"Catho!!c Standard and Times. A Correction. The Frlend-What singing! I.Ike a nightingale! The I'hllUtlno You uieun a gule In the night London Opinion. Ennui. A trouble to yourielt and all around you, 80 reatleu your aisoclalea confound you) Tou walk about and then alt down again; lou try 10 occupy your mind, but all in vain; Tou'ra cross, and yet don't know the rea son why: Tou clve a yawn, you gape and then you sigh; To every ons you ara a perfect bear; What's paat or coming you don't seem to care. tou And fault with everything that's done: fou'ra morbid and hava lost all aense o( fun: Tou caxe at nothing wltb a vacant atare. And yet you're just the same aa e'er you were! Tou know the mood I mean-tt'a what wa call Merely "nothing. to-do. Uhnts" that's am -1-4 Touebe Hancock Is New York A SNAP Choicest River View Corner in theCHy 100x100. 3 blocks from car line and Post Office, fine trees. Only $j2oo. One-half cash, balance 1 and 1 years at 6 per cent. S. L. DOME. Wanted General housework by middle aged lady. Also young woman desires situation. Call 524 togo, or leave word at this office, MINUTE WHALES. A Million and a Half Could Rett on the Head of a Pin. Tho completes! nnd most perfect of whales Is n whalo so small that 1,500, 000 such whales could find room lu n space not larger than nn ordinary pin's head. Dut lu thnt vanishing ftcck of matter thero Is already determined Just how nil the Innumerable cells of the future whale's body arc to grow, how many of them nro to bo nnd where the bono cells, tho imisclo celts, tho ncrvo cells nnd nil Its other bodily cells nro to find their proper plnccs In his body to tho end of thnt whale's life. Dut much moro than that. In thnt ono primordial cell, scarcely Imaglnn b!o for Its minuteness, nro stored tho physical memories, no to speak, of that whale's ancestors bnck to tho first whale. Therefore as ho grows ho will show thnt whnles used to wnlk, tot legs complete to tho. Inst leg bono will bo found In tho ndttlt. whalo In tho proper plnco for legs, but now tucked under his skin becnuso they nro no longer usnblo, much ns nn English no blemnu hnngs In his hall his ancestors conts of mnll ns mementos of days now guno by slnco tlio coming of rlllo but lets. Moreover, such n minute whalo Is nothing but a whale, becnuso ho can not possibly grow Into n fish nuy mora thnn ho cnu grow Into n bird, fot whnles nro mnmmnls nnd thcrcforo separated by nn Impassable biological gulf from nil fishes. Lastly. In that primal cell not only does thcro reside tlio wholo ancestral bcrttngo of former whnles, hut thero Is nmplo provision for nn Indctlnlto number of futuio whnles. Dr. William Ilnniia Thomson In 12 very body's. A POWERFUL PRAYER. It Drought the Judge'a Kind of Light to the Farmer. "Tho Into Judgo Underbill," snld V, D, Drowno of the engineering depart ment or tbo Southern rnclllc, "was perhaps ono of the greatest character-1 that ever entered tho service of n rail road. It was his facllo disposition thnt led to bit being appointed right of waj agent by tho Southern rnclllc. "Underbill wns nil things to nil men The ribald cnlled him n reckless blmic tho learned cnlled lilm ono of tlio elect, und tho good chnructcr declared that the pulpit would havo had ono of Its brightest ornaments If ho hnd only heard tho onll. "lie wns (ho most successful right of way getter thnt tho company ever had "Underbill was sent up ngnlnst 11 lough proposition. Thero wns n fanner whose laud lay right In the path of tho road, and bo was coy about selling. Underbill was sent to see him. They wera out driving when tlio farmer turned to Underbill nud said: " 'I want to do tho right thing, Judgo I hnvo prayed nil night for guidance hi this matter, nnd I hnvo not been given light" " 'We will pray for light right now,' snld Underbill, nnd, getting on his knees, ho mndo n fervent prayer for tho farmer to sell his land to tho Southern rnclllc. "Awestruck, tho farmer listened on his knees to tho powerful Invocation of the Judge, nnd when Underbill re sumed his sent In tho buggy ho snld: " 'I have been given light, Judgo. I'll sell tho land nt tho llguro you name.'" Snn Francisco Cnll. Tho Chestnut Horse. Thero Is au ancient tale of n baud of Arabs being pursued by their eno mien which Hums up their theory about it horse's color. Among tho lleelug baud was 11 mini with unusually keen eyt'klght, ami fioni tlmo to tlmo bo would describe to Ills leader tlio horses ridden by tho enemy, "What manner of horses do thoy ride?" "Dlaek horses." "Then there Is 110 need of hnsto." At tho noon bait tlio lender ngnln nuked, "What manner of horses do they rldo now?" "Day horses." "Then wo must rldo harder." A few hours later tho lender asked, "Aro they horded ngnln?" "Thoy rldo chestnuts." "Then wo rldo for our lives." Italy's Rest Days. Under n law which went Into effect Feb. 8, 1008, nil Industrial and com mercial concerns throughout Italy must grant their employees n weokly rest of not less than twenty-four con. secutlvo hours. It docs not apply to public utilities, transportation lines or places of amusement, 'me general tense of tho law Is that Sumlny shall bo tbo rest day, but It Is provided thnt freedom from work may ho given on a day other than Sunday lu tlio caso of restaurants, photograph galleries, phar macists, etc. Let the Dsbtor Dewara. Urines A safe conversational rulo Is, When lu doubt talk of tho weather. OriggH-Kafo nothing! 1 met my tailor yesterday, nnd on my speuklng of tlio .veal her bo replied, "Yes. It is unset tled, nnd that reminds mo of thnt lit tle bill of yours." Doston Transcript. Conundrum. "I mndo up my flrt conundrum this morning," says the philosopher of fol ly. "Why Is lightning like n woman driving 11 nail? Answer, becnuso I never strikes twice In tho sumo pluco. Copyright applied for."-Kxchnnge. The Ho,neymoon. Mack When wero you married? Dyer Just about six check books ago. -I'uck. Whero envying Is thcro Is confusion and ovory evil work. Jumes. EXCAVATING Basement and all other kinds of excavating Call for Sandell Phone Richmond 61 Shoe Repairing, Drooks & Son, 1 1 South Jersey Street. o Preach the gospol of St. Johns. AN INCIDENT OF WATERLOO. Its Effect Upon the Shovel Making In dustry In England. A millionaire shovel maker as ho int in tlio smoking room of an At lantic liner snid: "1 hnvo boon over to England try ins to soli shovels to tlio British government. I failed. I didn't sell a shovel. And n dead man named Jones wns the caut of my failuro. "Jones was nlivo, very much nliro, during the buttle of Wntorloo. IIo snt on horseback nenr Wellington's tent. Wellington, scoing him thoro in civilian's dress, said angrily: "'Who nro you?' "I 11111 n shovel salesman snid Jones, 'nnd I enmo hero from Brus sels to sco tho battle' " 'Now you nro hero,' said Well ington, 'nro you willing to enrry u mossngo for mo to ono of my gon crnls? It will bo n dnngorous er rand, but just now I havo no one else to send.' "'I'll enrry your mossngo snid Jones, 'nnd n for dnnger, ono part of this battlefield is no moro dnngor ous than another part today "So Wellington gnvo him tho mos sngo, nnd Jones delivered it, but failed to return. Tho ditko thought him slain, hut ono day eight or nine yenrs later a man accosted tho duko in London. " 'Do you remember 1110 ?' ho snid. " 'I ttVrfitid Wellington, slinking tho man's hand wnrnily. 'You snved two regiments of initio bv tho deliv ery of that message. Why didn't you return to mo?' "Jones said his horso hnd been killed by a cannon ball ns ho wns re turning, nnd ho himself hnd been shot in tho side, but not badly. A few days ulicd hnd brought him round. "'Well, snid tho duko, what can I do for you ?' '"I 11111 u partner in that shovel houso of ours now snid Jones. 'Tho Arm 11111110 is Smith, Jonkins & Jones, nnd I'd liko to got it govern ment contract.' "IIo got it," tho millionaire end ed sadly. "From thnt dny to this nil tho shovels used in tho British unny nnd navy have boon supplied by tho houso of Smith, Jenkins & Jones. I wasted my time trying to compoto with thnt nrm."--St. Louis (llobo Domocrnt. The Latest Arithmetic A tramp hires nut to n farmer for $14 per month. IIo gets n boss din ner, works for mi hour nnd then skip out. Counting tho dinner worth .10 cents, did ho mako or Iojo? Counting tho thrco bites ho got from tho farmer's dog while making his sknto nt "0 cents n bite, wns tho dog, tho farmer or tho tramp ahead ? A father pays $350 to cducnto his daughter in music, $50 to onnblo her to nay "good tiny" In ItoiicIi, $150 to Rivo nor lessons in lmlntiin; nm $100 to tench her how to dance. Sho then murrics 11 young man getting a enlnry of $9 per week. How much will sho 8UV0 by doing hor own kitchen work for thu next Hvu years, paying herself ut tho rnto of $3 per weoK t It takes twenty blows of n linm- nicr in tho liandn of n woman to drlvo 11 toiiiieiiny nail ono inch, nnd alio missus tho nail thrco times whero shu hits it onco. In striking COO blows, how fur in is tho nail driven nud how fnr can sho ho heard when sho strikes hor thumb instead of tho nail ? Chicago Nown. A Wily Answer. Sir Acouin Martin wns nt tho head of 11 firm of civil engineers in Calcutta, n post which eventually lou to u miriiuosH trip to Kabul and to an intimatu friendship with tho late Ameur Abdurrahman. His high ni'oH, who hnd 11 low opinion of thu t rutin illness 01 tlio nvorugo man and woman, wus greatly impressed by tho Englishman s frank nmnners. "Did I over tell you 11 lio?" Sir Ac nuln onco nsked tho nmeor. Tho potoutnto rolled his oyos and ro plied, "I nover found you out in ono. london Tit-Hits, Sociable Spiders, Spiders aro not always solitnry creatures. A scientist has lately found in southern India n species of spider that builds spongy nests with outlying wobs, each nest being occupied by forty to u hundred sni- uurs, wiui a largo excess 01 icmaies. Somotimcs five or six nests tiro clus .1 ...mi. 1 . tered tngothor. Tho spiders not only livo und work togothor, but thoy Bhura with ono unother any prey that may bo captured, und somo oven show maternal affection approaching solf sncrifico. Paganlnl'a Violin. Pagnnini enmo by his favorite vio in in a curious way. A Fronch mer chant lent him tho instrument to play upon at a concort at Leghorn. Aftor tho concert I'aganini brought it back to its ownor, when tho latter exclaimed, to tho delighted aston ishment of tho pluyor: "Nover moro will I profnno tho strings wluch 'our lingers hnvo touched. That uitrumont is yours," You got full wolgbt and first Just quality at the Central market, try It awhile. We want some vacant lots cheap for cash, nlso some bargains in small homes wanted for cash, Mc- Kiuney & Davis, o . Two nice new modern cottage, near Kcntoij, two blocks to cars for sale. Kasy terms. See S, V. Rogers, 309 North Jersey street, The Bradley . 0 SIlOv For Men, 53.50 1 and S4.oo Try on the Erndlcy Shoe. We'll be glad of the oppor tunity to show It to you. And when you have it onnotice the fee of it and the look of it. Just sccma to "belong" to your footfits every little hump nnd hollow na though it had been built on--and fccla like an old Idd glove. That's a little way the Bradley Shoe ha3makea itself right nt home on your foot and loolcs it. And when you find out how well it wcara you will never wear any shoo except the Bradley. Bradley Shoes for Men, AIL STYLES. 53.50 S 54.00 SHOES IN All. STYLUS FOU WOMEN O CHILDREN Couch & Co. The SixvJh. Premier Typesetter iaa videncd its market un il it includes the whole civil 'ed world: has become the pewritcr of over 300,000 rrrttois and has, during ?G, broken every previous ) d of sales, because it n irorn the beginning best 1 1 Jtcy typewriter need. r HE tri-color feature of the Umltli Premier Typev.r'ter ia recog nized as the greatest im provement in modern typc wr'ttr construction yet in "rovlcliie; it, none of. he -trong fundamental fea tures, for which the Smith Premier has always been noted, have been sacrificed. Complete literature on rc--Hiest. 'HE SMITH PKS'MIEr fYPEWRiTLR COMPANY SYHACUSS. N. V StopPain HEADACHE NEURALGIA TaJt ONE "Or. MlUt' AsU PtU Plllt U.I bwn of the Littl Tablet ami thai Pain It Coo umJ by m for rstu- inJ ptla In Utl tnj cim they (in (Krftci utiilacdM. Diary Courier, Booaioa, N. Y add nil rxiu or RHEUMATISM and SCIATICA 25 Doses 25 Conts Yew DrultfU will DMtfu' Anit-Ptm.Mlli 14 ifU Mt&trtfid k rtura (hi trie Hr" ;lfll) U 11 Mil w jtym